6 Signs Your Therapist Sucks | Therapist Explains When to Fire Your Therapist

[@MickeyAtkins]

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[@NI4NI-y5f]

are you a PhD in Psychology? yuou seem to be driving sociopolitical propaganda using "mental health". That is NOT ethical ANYWHERE on the planet in the mh field. Are you liscenced in your state or should i call the DOH there to find out? you seem like you're camoflauging your true intent and IF you're a social-worker/therapist, why are you selling merch? where is your office located? are you a liscenced social worker in your state? WHO do you work FOR as a "social worker and therapist"?

[@Deceitful_Jester]

"If your only tool is a hammer, you learn to treat every problem like it's a nail" was the phrase, I believe

[@MickeyAtkins]

BLESS thank you lol.

[@vivvy_0]

the japanese need to hear this 😂

[@Therhyoulove]

I assume @vivvy_0 is referring to the Japanese expression, "the nail that sticks out gets hit first" or something like that. Basically, a "keep your head down and mind your business."

[@RowanTree42]

My current therapist is anything but apolitical and it's honestly a breath of fresh air. Being able to talk about living under the pressures of capitalism with my therapist is amazing and a huge weight off my shoulders. With previous therapists, having to pretend to be ok with living in a world that prioritizes corporate profit over the well-being of my fellow humans was fucking stressful and obnoxious. It's nice to be able to let my hair down now.

[@frogonwall]

Yes! Same here

[@iloveprivacy8167]

THIS! Or more recently, maintaining strict neutrality on the deliberate starvation of children! Like, ok, it's complicated, but that part, at least, is simple?! 🤯😱

[@ErutaniaRose]

Exactly, especially since I’m also disabled and directly affected by the ableism inherent to capitalism.

[@sphinxwidget]

Yeah I think I tried to talk to my Therapist about the stress bought on by the current state of politics, etc and wanting to express my transness but how scary that could be and she (a lesbian) just said that there's no hate crimes in the area.. oohhhh good, cause I only live and travel within this area I totally never go on vacation and travel. Also not to forget how little a crime such as that may even be reported because it won't go anywhere. Also tried to mention how upsetting the overturning of RoevWade was and she tried to both sides it by saying the other side has some good points too... Like, no.. wtf She also: -Fell asleep several times btw 👍 real cool shit I paid for, bought it up and she didn't really apologize imo just mentioned a BIG word to explain how monotone, gentle noises (my voice) makes it difficult for her Utter trash

[@iloveprivacy8167]

@@sphinxwidget "no hate crimes in this area"? Like that wasn't true of other places... Until it wasn't. 🤦‍♀️ 🤞 for you: I hope you're able to stay safe!

[@Hilla3of5]

Another red flag: they suggest joining an MLM to address financial stresses. (True story)

[@andreaf8404]

oh damn!

[@Никодим-м9ъ]

Giant red flag for any person, especially a therapist!

[@WhatWouldLubitschDo]

😱

[@amarbyrd2520]

Ooh No 😒

[@Alayhoo]

Seriously?!? 😳

[@TiaN-td1yl]

Years ago I had a therapist who encouraged me to journal and sometimes I would read my entries during our session. One time I was talking about how something she said upset me and she cut me off mid-sentence and got so defensive. "Why are you saying this now, why didn't you say this before??" She'd also get really defensive whenever I talked about my mother. She'd be like "Well you just don't understand because you're not a parent" Then she'd spend the rest of the session talking about her kids. She did a lot of weird shit, it was more like having a toxic friend than a therapist, but thankfully the one I have now is way better

[@WhatWouldLubitschDo]

I cannot stand the ones who interrupt, much less take things personally. The first course for potential future therapists should be “Everything Isn’t About You Studies”

[@christinelamb1167]

Oh my gosh, that's terrible! As a cient, we are not there to take care of our therapist's feelings! They should have their own therapist to talk to, and it is not right to take out their defensiveness (or any other issues they may have) on a client. I'm so glad you found a better therapist!

[@Nashleyism]

​@@WhatWouldLubitschDo I had a therapist who interrupted me a lot, would say that she has to do that to point things out and would leave no space for me to decide if I was okay with that. But she was polite and quick with it, so it was hard for me to get what was happening. Thanks to Mickey I'm learning that I don't have to know what's exactly wrong, if I don't feel good and safe around someone, that's enough to leave ❤

[@reesewitherfork6142]

🤢🤢🤢 I’m so sorry you experienced this. I applaud you for journaling and reading what had upset you. That can be so hard and uncomfortable to do. I hope this awful interaction didn’t prevent you from being that honest with a (hopefully) better therapist later. They got defensive because they’re a shitty therapist 😂 but seriously… that’s unacceptable. They took it personally instead of being accountable and curious. They should have apologized, period. It’s irrelevant what they believed about the situation. It also doesn’t matter if you waited to say something. You said something and that’s what mattered.

[@thepeculiarmaple]

I had a therapist exactly like this, down to the journaling part??? Whatttt. This is awful!!

[@Parrot5884]

The other thing about "apolitical" therapists is that they don't exist. Your therapist _will_ have political views and it _will_ impact how they view you, for better or for worse. If your therapist believes that it's totally justified to shit all over gay people, and a gay person comes in and expresses anxiety about being shit all over, that therapist will interpret that anxiety VERY differently to a therapist that has the opposite view. It doesn't matter how apolitical they try to be in how they express their opinions, their perception is going to be altered by the fact that they do not think that the thing that's causing their client concern is a real problem. If I'm seeing a therapist, I will not just be okay with the fact that they're apolitical. I want to know that, as a queer person, if im walking into someone's office, I'm not going to have to deal with issues due to the therapist's views. I do not want to feel like I have to hold myself back and not talk about the fact that I'm queer because I have no idea whether my therapist is okay with the gays or not. I need that info in order to be able to actually _do_ therapy properly! So yeah, give me a therapist who can talk about social issues (which is inevitably political) at least a little bit, please!

[@hydrogen3266]

I totally agree. I don’t think anyone can ever be “apolitical,” because even calling yourself that is itself a political stance And therapy is a very political field, especially considering the people with mental health issues tend to be people who have been marginalized or oppressed by the system. How could you be a good therapist if you don’t have an opinion about the injustices so many of us face? Simply put, you can’t imo

[@jacobnicodemus1051]

SO MUCH SAME. In this current political climate, it matters to me as a queer trans person whether or no my therapist has an opinion and what it is. I don’t need for them to be in the community but do need for them to have at least some awareness of our struggles and the stresses, and perhaps to believe strongly that we are human and deserve basic dignity.

[@christinelamb1167]

Many therapists nowadays will say "LGBTQ- affirming" on their bio. At least you will know where you stand even before the 1st appointment.

[@esotere]

Really good point! Seems like apolitical more or less just means casually right-leaning, and it makes absolute sense that you would be deeply uncomfortable with that. ❤

[@timnewman1172]

I also agree. You and your therapist should be on the same page about issues that may come up... if you are LGBTQ+, obviously someone who has homophobic beliefs is a red flag!

[@CarFreeKC]

My therapist (a new guy) FELL ASLEEP IN OUR SESSION TWICE. Cancelled that next appointment lol.

[@grumpy_gremlin]

Okay I have narcolepsy and even I would have fired that therapist.

[@nowadventuring6780]

​@@grumpy_gremlinFeel free to ignore, but i'm really curious what kinds of accommodations people might need to employ in that situation if he did happen to have narcolepsy. is it something that would be managed more on the medication side? or does one need to employ other measures as well? just not take that kind of job? (these aren't passive aggressive "questions" btw in case it sounds like i'm challenging you or something, i've just never personally known anyone with the condition and it's never really depicted anywhere either)

[@curlzOdoom]

I know some stimulant medication treats narcolepsy? Also. If I had that and I wanted to be a therapist I would at the VERY least communicate that with my client. But if I couldn't trust myself to stay awake for one session I wouldn't be a therapist 🙃

[@nowadventuring6780]

@@curlzOdoom I was thinking of communication as a possible accommodation, disclosure and discussion, I just really don't know anything about it

[@sfheatherr]

"I was just closing my eyes"

[@scarletalayne6820]

A red flag that kept me from going to therapy for almost a decade after I had been working with a therapist for around 3 months and knew I had some severe internalized rejection issues was that they said “I don’t know what to do with you” in the middle of a session. I asked for a referral to someone else and they said they didn’t know. No comment about looking for one for me, no other insight as well. After that I just was like “well guess I’m so messed up no therapist could help me.” It was also the tone and the fact that they interrupted me when I was talking. I thankfully have found someone now.

[@Roswell33]

My therapist said something similar and said I'm narcissistic because I want the sessions to be all about me XD

[@ErutaniaRose]

@@Roswell33 Bruh, it literally IS about you. It’s okay for a therapist to share stuff and for there to be back and forth, but the whole point is that it’s about helping you, and calling you a clinical term like that is so unprofessional.

[@1ratoncrispin]

​​@@ErutaniaRose we can't judge whether @roswell33 is a narcissist, but one reason narcissists are difficult to diagnose is because they make statements like @roswell33's where they rephrase a comment to make themselves look like the victim. However, victims also make accurate statements like @roswell33's.

[@ErutaniaRose]

@@1ratoncrispin I don't disagree with the general point--and I wasn't calling them a narcissist or not, I don't have any way of being able to diagnose. But calling a client a narcissist for talking about themselves in a therapy setting that is meant to help them as a client....is just not cool. Even if it was in an attempt to diagnose that is not okay to do that way. Edit: I see what you said, just not sure how it pertains to this particular comment. /gen

[@1ratoncrispin]

@@ErutaniaRose I was just pointing out that we don't know that the therapist did anything wrong based only on @Roswell33's perception of the interchange. However, I agree that if it happened the way they said that would be inappropriate.

[@auuuumbers]

My therapist told me I was doing “mental gymnastics” when I was genuinely confused about something that happened at work. I’m autistic told her I was seeking an a answer for WHY I was “in the wrong.” She took me as being willful when I wouldn’t comply to her mischarectarization of me. This was one of those situations where my ND friends thought I was in the right & my NT friends didn’t think so. When I told her calling my confusion “mental gymnastics” was insulting, she exclaimed “if you’re in therapy you’re doing mental fucking gymnastics or you wouldn’t be in therapy!” I walked out.

[@ErutaniaRose]

GOOD. I hope you can find someone who understands autism better. My therapist is working on helping train and get more therapists nationally that help with disability and neurodivergence, so maybe one of them one day will help. But until then I hope you find one. Being confused isn’t a crime and that was straight ableism from that therapist.

[@anissaholmes4495]

She should try to get you to put yourself in the shoes of your coworkers if you were in the wrong. Even if that was not your intention, your actions could have been interpreted in a wrong way. How could your situation been done differently? What could you say to let your good intentions to be more clear to everyone?

[@misspat7555]

@@anissaholmes4495I was thinking today that if anyone bothered to ask autistic people what being autistic is like, it is as if most other people are constantly looking for tiny things we aren’t even aware we did as excuses to rage at us and threaten our access to housing, food, and medical care. Not everyone is like this, but people with a burning desire to punish those who don’t stroke their egos hard enough (which autistic people aren’t CAPABLE of doing) are drawn to positions of power from whence they may make dire threats on people’s ability to live safe lives. Then, when this is pointed out as maybe not a great system, those lusting after/already in these power positions go on about how this is just the way of the world, winners and losers, suck it up buttercup, if you want to be a winner, you’ll become an amoral monster destroying others for your own gain like them! Then come the taunts and ridicule, and suggestions that perhaps we just need mommies to care for us and make our decisions for life, as we are so helpless and soft in the head we can’t even properly massage the egos of bullies for personal gain ! Only people who can deceive others readily have the skills to live independently! Yes, this is what it is like to be autistic. Our strengths are twisted into weaknesses; our weaknesses used to undermine our autonomy; our objections laughed off like a toddler refusing a nap. No wonder we have such high rates of self-ending… 😔 Edit: P.S. Some autistic people, especially those who are otherwise privileged, CAN learn to be bullies in power who can play games with others’ lives, like my father. 😥

[@no_peace]

​@@anissaholmes4495 that is the wrong approach for autism. Most of us already do all that and it is 75% of the problem. That process you are describing is disabling

[@no_peace]

One correct response is for people (autie AND allistic) to learn about these cross culture communication breakdowns and learn how to identify them and repair them afterward without having to police oneself constantly or accept blame for two-sided issues. Another is to get accommodations. Almost everyone will always blame us in any misunderstanding and we're outnumbered. It doesn't matter if both sides did nothing wrong

[@celloafterdark4173]

There are too many human rights issues wrapped up in politics. My wife is trans. I can't have a right-wing therapist. Without even going into religious wounds etc that tend to be upheld by the right

[@ErutaniaRose]

Exactly. I’m disabled and queer and I can’t have a therapist that doesn’t understand ableism. My healthcare is affected by it, my housing is affected, my income is affected, my job searching is affected, my ability to move, what to eat, etc. is all affected by it. My current therapist is queer confirming, good with neurodivergence, and is disabled herself. Edit: Typos

[@singingislife18]

I had a therapist who forced a discussion around death multiple times. For context, I died during surgery for about 5 minutes. She kept bringing it up and trying to turn it into a religious experience. The irony is she is a professor that teaches other therapists to be therapists.

[@no_peace]

One of my worst ones is also a professor!!

[@ringinn7880]

That does sound interesting tho. Sucks if you are uncomfortable with the discussion/ religious aspect.

[@MZBS639]

​@@ringinn7880 just has nothing to do in therapy if you are not religious. You dont force religion on people. Unprofessional

[@davidcrawford9026]

That's not irony that's the system perpetuating itself

[@SarahKurien-w5c]

That's unreasonable that you are not given space to process things in a way that fits you. I feel like it's important for therapists to keep an open mind. I hope you found something better.

[@goblin1226]

I was shopping for groceries one day before therapy, and still had the bag with me. I asked my therapist of it's ok to put the bag next to my chair. His answer was : "as long as there's no toxic gas bomb inside it". He didnt say it jokingly, but with a straight face. Mind you, i have a schizophrenia diagnosis, and one of my delusions was that i was being followed by the CIA because they thought i was planning on becoming a terrorist. This made me spiral, and to this day i can't get it out of my mind. He also kept talking about his son in our sessions and kept sharing very personal information. It was awful.

[@Charsy8]

That reminds me of that one therapist I was going to, who loved talking about his relationship with his wife... which only told me how fucking mysoginistic he was and contributed to my eventual decision to stop seeing him. He also insisted that I needed to find myself a man, which would "miraculously" resolve all my problems, which I as going to him for. Of course, he didn't say it explicitly like that, but there was no room for interpretations and it was clear that's what he meant.

[@moondoggie7478]

When I was going through chemotherapy, I had a therapist that specialized is grief and chemotherapy related trauma. She was so kind to me, and I felt incredibly heard despite how scattered my delivery was. She went out and even got me a fancy little journal to write my thoughts in. She was highly professional in her demeanor, but was incredibly approachable and one of the only therapists I've been to where I didn't feel like clamming up, crying, or leaving in the middle of a session. People like her are a godsend, and I'm grateful I even had the option to see her in the first place. I was taken well care of on all ends 💕

[@heatherdelisle408]

One red flag I encountered: the therapist once told me a story about a previous client of hers (already a soft red flag for me) who loved to cook as a hobby, EVEN THOUGH he was a man! She said this like I would be shocked by his subversion of gender roles. I thanked her for her time and didn't go back.

[@Charsy8]

And a therapist of mine told me "it's actaully bad" to be self-sufficient... *as a woman*, like that's a "no-no" in his book (yeah, he was a man, big surprise lol). That was one of the first big red flags for me (and I didn't even know what e "red flag" as a term was back then XD). I just knew that if we have such serious differences in our mindsets/outlooks on life, this wasn't going to work.

[@bekahjonesmusic3251]

Therapist Red Flags I've Encountered: 🚩🚩🚩 1) Repeatedly using religious practices in non-religious therapy especially without consent or without being asked to. As a person with religious trauma this was very harmful to me and signaled to me that the clinicians I was working with were not safe people. 2) Having such rigid boundaries and a "blank slate" attitude that they seemed harsh and robotic. There was no room for me to feel safe to make mistakes or to be flexible with my therapeutic needs. I also didn't feel like I could relate to someone who seemed like a robot. 3) Someone who encourages your obsessive or problematic behaviors without asking you to look deeper at why you have them. This is basically enabling and can make healing more difficult.

[@betsywilliamsonasmr]

I am in my last practicum to earn my MS in clinical psychology. We just got a new clinic director and on our first day, the first day I am meeting her, while she is introducing her self she tells us that she is a Christian and you can see the join on her face (which is fine). But then she says she gets her values from Christianity and this leads into a discussion about the appropriate way to dress. She also was formerly a pastor. I wigged out, I was so uncomfortable. I have religious trauma and purity culture is apart of that. Even though I have discussed this with her and she was receiving with what I said and hasn’t said another word about her religious belief in front of me I get anxious every time I show up. A pastor or even former pastor having the “authority” to tell me what is appropriate to wear or not wear makes my skin crawl. But she hasn’t said anything about my clothes since our discussion, she has been caring and generous with her time and knowledge. But I am still hesitant because of the announcement that she is a Christian.

[@NoKidsNoProblem]

I could never work with a religious therapist since I was traumatized by religion since the age of 4.

[@atunconmostaza]

I also had a therapist that was just like that!! It was so infuriating

[@OzmaOfOzz]

It is so insane to hear more people talk about the first point you made. I've never experienced it but have heard about it before, there was a therapist in my city that used the bible as therapy, especially with women. INSANE and infuriating. Thank you for bringing more awareness

[@analias1983]

omg the first one!! Had a therapist who was very christian and kept bringing everything back to herself and her faith from my experiences!! I'm raised in a Hindu household as someone who doesn't really believe in any higher power and it felt very frustrating and alienating

[@introusas]

I had a therapist once who literally embodied the stereotype of “& how did that make you feel?” It was so bizarre, she had nothing to contribute to the conversation and just wanted me to talk and talk and talk until the time ran out. I asked for help navigating an issue with my boss and she was like, “Just ignore her.” ???? I’m sorry??? That’s what I’ve been doing, I’d like to have the opportunity to communicate effectively.

[@galien2718]

I went to a therapist in my late teens, and was kicked out after 2 sessions because, as my therapist explained, I was "wasting her time". I came to realize later in life that she must have assumed I was drug seeking or something?

[@christinelamb1167]

Oh my goodness, that is awful! I'm so sorry you experienced that from someone who was supposed to be helping you. You didn't deserve to be treated that way!

[@galien2718]

@@christinelamb1167 Thank you for saying so, it did take a while for me to believe that myself haha At the time, I had this weird fear that maybe l was just faking it without knowing it, like, fooling myself into thinking I was mentally ill because I was lazy or subconsciously wanted to avoid responsibility in my life or something, which frankly makes no sense in hindsight lol But because I had that fear, at the time, I just thought she could "see through me" and knew I was a liar, so I didn't end up seeking help elsewhere unfortunately. So bad therapists really do have detrimental effects. Imagine if I was in even more dire straights, and I did something radical as a result of that kind of rejection from a professional?

[@christinelamb1167]

@@galien2718 That's exactly it! Not only is it extremely unkind and abusive to treat a client that way, but thank goodness that therapist's words didn't cause you to do something radical! Therapists (and people in general) need to realize that words can be very harmful, especially to someone who might be on very shaky ground emotionally/mentally. I hope you're doing ok, and I also hope you can find a much more compassionate and helpful therapist (if you still have the need at this time).

[@GoombaTheCat]

Some more red flags that I've heard: 1) When you tell them that you don't feel that a particular exercise would be safe for you to do and they insist that you do it 2) They suggest that eating sandwiches will fix everything (and are baffled when it doesn't) 3) They accuse you of being the problem with explaining how you are the problem or what needs to change 4) They don't respect your boundaries: e.g. you say that you're able to make an appointment anytime on Thursdays and other days are too difficult because of work, but they're booked this Thursday so they start suggesting other days. It may seem minor, but so was that boundary and they still couldn't respect it - run. Might be all true stories..

[@kpoppy9635]

​@user-sm7jp4km4d uh...the last one isn't a red flag. If their schedule is already booked on Thursday, and you can only go on Thursday, it just means the timing is incompatible and you should find another therapist who has more availability on Thursdays. Seeing a therapist is like seeing any other doctor. You either see them in the avaliable time they have or go to another one who has the time available.

[@MusicalBloodDrop]

Definitely a silly green flag moment for me was when I was talking with my therapist about being arospec and experiencing romantic-attraction feelings for the first time in a looooong time and how weird it felt, and she kind of jokingly-casually was like "Yeah, you're normal, that's normal." It took me a bit to process that, but in that same session, I pushed back with "Well, aromantic people are also normal" and she looked a bit humbled haha, and a few sessions later we were talking about something else unrelated to orientation and she qualified her statement with "I don't want to use to word 'normal' but-" so now she's aware of it it in herself! Thought that was a funny little follow-up, I'm not even sure if she remembers it was me who challenged her on that lol

[@kezia8027]

"I know I cop a lot of heat actually for not liking CBT - die mad about it" Mickey, I love your unfiltered realism. This no-fucks-given approach to educating people, where you're not afraid to step on toes to get the information out there, is so, SO valuable, especially in therapy, where these ideas are often discussed behind closed doors, and only ever with someone in a position of authority/power over you (the client).

[@darkstarr984]

I know. I am so so glad Mickey doesn’t like CBT, because just because it’s commonly effective doesn’t mean it’s effective for everyone!

[@PB-dq9gi]

Insurance companies like CBT because they want you to in and out and "cured" in a couple of sessions.

[@bkvlg227]

I once had a client describe CBT as "gas-lighting" herself and I will never think of it differently again. lol

[@alexacarrillo4339]

I have found that in one of the recovery communities it is really disliked and that is why I am in that community. I was using it to gaslight myself into drinking myself out of my life. It cycled with my cptsd which lead to an inability to stay sober. The community I am in doesn’t bash CBT they just don’t encourage it.

[@saraheschweiler4939]

Please tell me, what does "CBT" refer to? What does that alphabet moniker mean?

[@draalttom844]

Apolitical just means they dont care about your situation since its not theirs, they prefer to ignore it

[@breathinghuman8779]

Exactly. Not only does the political status quo not affect them - they have also chosen not to examine the ways it does impact other people’s lives. It’s a choice - not a perspective. There are plenty of people who are not affected by the status quo yet still have the empathy to understand other people’s experiences. “Apolitical” just means they don’t care.

[@draalttom844]

@breathinghuman8779 those people usually just dont realise they are affected, after all we all suffer under capitalism

[@breathinghuman8779]

You’re right. I should have worded that differently. It generally doesn’t affect them…in ways that challenge their rights to existence and identity in a clear enough way that they pay attention. But, yes - aware or not we’re all impacted. Some are just really good at not paying attention (until it’s too late).

[@draalttom844]

@breathinghuman8779 when its to late they then blame other victims to feel superior, the bully cycle

[@ErisIsAnAbomination]

It’s like how people always say: “centrists” are just undercover conservatives.

[@Jenna-d3m]

When I was 11 I was put into “therapeutic foster care” which was basically just a regular foster family but they make you go to therapy. I was eleven years old and my therapist made me doubt my own feelings and experiences and when I brought up that I think I may have adhd after doing a bit of googling as to why I feel like an alien around people she flat out denied it. No exploration of the idea, even. I am 17 now, and clinically diagnosed with adhd as of last year after being forced to go into a diagnostic residential facility that has caused immense trauma and frequent night terrors about my experience there all to just be diagnosed with adhd. I feel more people should be more aware of the nature of their child’s therapist and for children’s therapist’s especially to be open to critique and change as children’s therapy can not only be extra damaging since children are often taught that adults are the ultimate authority and can do no wrong so when a therapist with a fancy degree tells an 11 year old me to deny my feelings, I did so. I usually never comment, but I just want to let everyone know that if they have had similar experiences that if you feel wrong about something, or if you have internalized anyone telling you your feelings/experiences are simply “wrong” that you are not alone and you were not built wrong. You are a person that deserves love and validation and support and I’m sorry that the people meant to clinically helped you have failed you. That is what I would have told 11 year old me who had the weight of the world suffocating her. You deserve to breathe.

[@WhatWouldLubitschDo]

You’re very strong, and I’m glad you have more sense than the “therapist” who abused you. I hope you get whatever help you need from here on out with the additional problems that bad “care” have left you dealing with.

[@LalaWatches]

Was this Forster system also filled with religious foster parents?

[@Jenna-d3m]

@@LalaWatches yup, worse than the non religious ones because with others at least they were just neglectful. My first foster family (religious ones) were just straight abusive.

[@misspat7555]

I wish I could tell 11-year-old me (I’m now 42; what is it about being 11?!?), who felt horrible for months and didn’t want to live but knew telling anyone would just make everything even worse and kept it all to herself, that she was wrong, and just an ignorant child who didn’t even know the words for what was happening to her (1993 was a simpler time…), but she kept us both safe, and I have great respect for little me and how she soldiered on, keeping our secret from parents always looking for new ways to control us. She was so brave! 🥹

[@andrea9957]

I grew up in a house where all my physical needs were taken care of, where I knew my parents loved me and my siblings for the most part, but still, it was a very toxic environment. My parents fought all the time, my dad worked a lot, and I never knew what kind of mood my mom would be in. It was like walking on eggshells around her. It affected my mental health greatly because I felt like I, as the oldest child, was just completely emotionally on my own. I struggled so much with anxiety and depression, starting slowly around age 8 I would say. Finally, when I was a maybe around 15, my dad convinced my mom to go to family therapy. My siblings and I sat in that room alone with the therapist, crying, with all of our pent up feelings pouring out of us, and I thought, “Finally, someone believes us. Finally, something is going to change.” Then it was my mom’s turn to go in on her own. We then all reunited afterwards, in the room with the therapist. She goes on to say that my dad needs to be more supportive of my mom, and that we kids need to be more grateful. She then calls another patient of hers, instructs us to stay quiet, and puts her on speakerphone. This patient was a single mother, who was struggling financially, and was, I guess, supposed to serve as an example of just how hard others have it? That other patient had no idea we were on the other end listening in. I left that session just absolutely dumbfounded, distraught, and disillusioned by the mental health industry in general. I was so angry that I had opened up to that woman just for her to make me feel like some kind of ungrateful brat. For her to say that my experience was somehow not valid because others have it “worse”?? It still makes my blood boil thinking about it. And I just have to think about my younger self and tell her it’s okay and I believe her and that she completely had the right to expect her parents to do better by her.

[@chrish564]

Wow talk about major HIPAA violation!😮

[@caraziegel7652]

i still remember being pulled into family therapy. I think teh therapist wanted to work w my mom, who refused, but in the end he said we had 'a case of the normals'. My eldest child believes my mom was narcissistic. I guess thats normal? I was also pretty annoyed by that. I went to a family therapist more recently, to try to figure out how to fix the relationship with my eldest - they had moved out before the appointment (to another state) but this dumb therapist was telling me lies I should tell to my family because it would get teh results I wanted. Uh . .no, lying is not waht i want.

[@MissSyrinxie]

As a therapist all of these comments about absolutely WILD therapist behavior are so distressing 😅 how are these people practicing????

[@MissSyrinxie]

My therapy green flags are therapists who continually ask for consent and actively collaborate, therapists who talk about goals for therapy both in every session and broadly (for example, are you in therapy and wanting to do short term solution focused work or are you here for long term general self improvement?), and therapists who are passionate about the ways that their specialities intersect with privilege and discrimination. As an eating disorder therapist it is critical for me to also be greatly concerned about food access, housing, weight stigma, and racism in order to be an effective therapist.

[@ErutaniaRose]

@@MissSyrinxie Thisss,

[@RMhyrax1979]

This isn't an answer to your excellent question, but perhaps food for thought or fuel for the fire or something. I'm an LMSW (I work in admin at a county CMH) and got my degree in 2014 from an advanced generalist program (vs a specific clinical track program). We had to do book reports and learn what different treatment modalities consisted of and who developed them, but were not taught how to actually DO therapy or any other treatment. If I'd decided to be a therapist right out of school, even at 35 years old, I would have been woefully unprepared. I wonder if perhaps education has changed enough in the last X number of years that grads are less prepared than they used to be to enter the therapeutic workforce? I wonder also at the age and/or experience level of some of the therapists that commenters have dealt with. In my conversations with providers, there has been a marked shift lately in how new grads are approaching their career track. Instead of putting in time doing case management (or similar) to gain experience and knowledge of what interacting with human beings is like before eventually moving up into a therapy role, providers are seeing a shift toward skipping the experience-gaining part and going straight from school to being a therapist. So they're struggling with staffing their case management/recovery management/etc. programs but also concerned about all these really young therapists out there practicing who just don't have a lot of life experience or training and who have been in school their entire lives until just now. I also wonder if clients feel unsure or weird/icky about complaining or reporting hurtful or inappropriate behavior, especially if they are new to therapy, like, "Maybe this is on the spectrum of normal and I'm just not responding well? Maybe I'll just not go to her anymore."

[@no_peace]

I've had one good one and like 11 bad ones plus bad psychiatrists and psych nurses. I saw the good one twice and she retired lol. The other ones weren't just bad. Several of them should have had their licenses taken away. They hurt me

[@no_peace]

​@@RMhyrax1979I've only seen like 1 therapist in the past 5 years, the others were 10-20+ years ago and most of the therapists had been practicing 10-30 years. One of the bad ones is a professor at OHSU. So none of that really rings true for me. They are well established bad therapists who can get away with almost anything bc they're surrounded by vulnerable people who believe whatever they say, or who don't have high/specialized therapy needs

[@aiun-iverse]

I had a therapist that shut me down every time I tried to talk about my mothers abusive behaviour. She would always say things like "Most parents love their children." It was absolutely impossible to talk about that issue with her, which was horrible for me. She also misdiagnosed me with Dysthymia. Fortunately I found another Therapist after having a major mental crisis about a year later. She took the time to understand my issues and I can talk to her about everything that's bothering me. She also diagnosed me with C-PTSD and helped me working through my trauma. After working with her for about a year I finally started to feel better and I still see her every two weeks.

[@nataliaalfonso2662]

Dysthymia is VERY common in people with cptsd. As in…. Pretty much everyone with cptsd has it. Unless they have the WORSE symptoms like psychosis or sadism

[@issabee7743]

Thanks for validating my reason for not engaging with a couple therapists. BIG red flag as well: Your meds are having extreme side effects and they want to continue pushing that on you instead of trying to find something that works.

[@nataliaalfonso2662]

That’s way worse than red flag. That’s malpractice

[@lizvtaz6]

Another red flag: they keep writing stuff about you on a piece of paper but never show this paper to you abd never tell you what this is for. And another one, slightly worse: they do not take your questions seriously. I only worked with a therapist once and she was BAD. She made no effort to help me. She did not even take me seriously. I asked her questions such as "How many sessions do you think I will need?" or "Sorry but I really need to talk about this trauma, can we do that?" and she would just laugh at me.

[@sandrachebo]

psychiatrist prescribe meds... therapists can't legally.

[@yolandaponkers1581]

The apolitical point is so, so true. Until human rights are out of politics, I need a therapist to be political and concerned about my rights as a Queer person.

[@sarahemf]

I had a councillor at a university once say “you weren’t (hard r) because the clothes weren’t ripped off of you” I stormed out and reported it to the practice manager. She still works there. I was in the process of remembering what happened. I had flashbacks and I was trying to piece them together (I still only have flashbacks and I don’t have the memory if my clothes and for me the flashbacks are enough my brain is protecting me from the full memory am I appreciate it). I stormed out of her office. I didn’t see anyone for a bit till the university forced to go. And I in 12 years haven’t talked much about it and now have cptsd. It’s also a big problem in my therapy because the trust and openness is just not there and I don’t think it will ever be there.

[@emris2697]

I am so sorry you had to go through that. Both the R experience and the therapist. 🫂❤I send you many hugs from Norway. ❤

[@gaffawebber]

I would have filed a complaint against them with their licensing board.

[@annalupton9284]

I had a very similar experience. My old therapist told me I was sexually abused bc I didn't respect myself. She convinced me of this over the course of several sessions. I will never trust a therapist again. Therapy harm doesn't get talked about enough.

[@boingyboop4960]

I’m so sorry to hear that! What’s the difference between ptsd and cptsd? What does the c stand for?

[@emris2697]

@@boingyboop4960 the C in CPTSD stands for complex.

[@breathinghuman8779]

That bug must have been a CBT-only Therapist. Thank you for this video. Very relevant for me right now and a perfect follow-up to the last video.

[@darcyroyce]

I doubt that very much. That would be a level of the passive - aggressive I wouldn't feel comfortable with. Not to mention that both GPs and speciality doctors are needed within the system. (an integrative therapist in the making :D)

[@breathinghuman8779]

@DarcyRoyce I’m just kidding around. I’m just making a joke about the bug. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had my fair share of bad experiences with CBT therapy. I also, however, see the necessity for a diversity of therapy styles. Being a CBT-only therapist is fine. And, also, being conscious of the fact that it’s not a silver bullet for all mental health issues is a necessary realization that a surprising number of therapists have not yet come to.

[@breathinghuman8779]

@DarcyRoyce And…I mean, not just therapists. In fact, it’s large mental health organizations, hospitals, and insurance companies that often push it as the only correct option - far more than out-of-network therapists seem to.

[@darcyroyce]

@@breathinghuman8779 I completely agree with that. 🙂👍

[@catherinejanet5806]

i recently had a therapist who just refused to help me with my trauma (of my parents hitting me as a kid) at all. she let me talk about it but then afterwards, she kept trying to get me away from it. kept telling me to "move on". yeah, i do need do move on and i'm here because i need your help with it. she kept bringing up her own childhood trauma about her parents hitting her. in retrospect that explains a lot but during the therapy i was just very hurt and confused because she kept invalidating me. i don't see her anymore and i felt really bad about it at first because she was so nice and really seemed like she wanted to help me but it wasn't working. i suppose therapists should also be introspective about their personal lives so they know their blind spots so they can at least actually help the person they need to, you know?

[@christinelamb1167]

It's very inappropriate that she kept bringing up her own trauma! Therapists are supposed to have their own therapist to deal with their issues. On rare occasions, it's helpful for a therapist to mention something personal, but ONLY if it's useful to the client, NOT to satisfy their own needs for a therapeutic outlet.

[@catherinejanet5806]

@@christinelamb1167 yes! i didn't realise this at first because it felt like she was trying to relate to me. i thought it was a bit off but i didn't think much of it. i now realise how damaging it could potentially be

[@lizvtaz6]

I had a similar experience. My relationship with my mother is bad and at the time I started seeing this therapist I have just cut my mother off. I did not go to the therapy because of that but I have mentioned the situation to my therapist because I thought it might be relevant. The therapist literally tried to convince me to forgive my mother and have contact with her again. And not gonna lie the therapist felt really invested in that. I had other issues that I felt were much more important but the therapist kept bringing this up. The therapist would say stuff such as "in the end of the day everyone just wants to have a good relationship with their mom" (I did not even feel that strongly about my mother and I still had to listen to the therapist say all of that in my face). The therapist refused to listen to me talk about my other family members. I think the therapist likely had a problem with her own mother. P. S. She tried to convince me that my mother was autistic and that I was autistic as well. The therapist literally decided that we were both autistic because the therapist was once saying stuff that is offencive to autistic people and I confronted her about that. Honestly I don't think that I an autistic and how can the therapist diagnose my mother with autism if she never even met her...

[@SarahKurien-w5c]

Yeah. That's a good point about the importance therapists considering their own biases. Empathy should be the foremost when they work with people.

[@shelbywasheere]

I had a therapist tell me that I talked too much, that her new patients usually held things back. I had just met her ten minutes prior. It made me feel horrible. I had been picked on since childhood about being shy and not talking enough, and I was trying to feel comfortable talking about my situation, which included SI. She also proceeded to insult my profession (dietitian) saying that she “didn’t believe in diets” and told me that I needed to switch careers and become a holistic nutritionist, after a lengthy story about how her nutritionist diagnosed her by just looking at her hands. Needless to say that was the ONLY session I had with her. I couldn’t believe this person was a licensed professional!

[@brookeplifts]

Another thing: if a client says they know x therapy or y mechanism doesn’t work for them, but the therapist either doesn’t listen or still goes ahead and tries to do it with the client cuz they assume the client just isn’t trying hard enough, giving it enough time, or wasn’t approaching it right. Clients have the ability to know themselves. Not all are at square one

[@llpolluxll]

Had to leave my most recent therapist because I felt like when I was in crisis, he was stuck in "fix it" mode. He taught me a lot about IFS but it was the single thing that he applied to everything.

[@christinelamb1167]

I'm dealing with something similar, except my therapist doesn't do IFS. I feel like whenever I share about my past trauma, or my current dysregulation due to flashbacks, or grief from my past, she wants to jump right into "fix it", or "let's look at the ways you are doing better today". This strategy isn't helping me! I just want to be heard, and my pain to be acknowledged.

[@danika9411]

My former therapist was more a I validate everything, but give nothing that helps you. She also only did ifs/parts of self work any nothing else. Which screwed me up, because I was there for csa. And I got flashback from it and dissociated. But she couldn't fo anything else 😅

[@sabrinapuente2505]

Weird because IFS is definitely NOT a "fix it" approach...

[@zorro......]

​@@sabrinapuente2505RIGHT. is that not more for self awareness and acceptance? It's not a model that comes with solutions on what t odo next or did i miss that lecture?

[@Nickyeyes]

​@@christinelamb1167 I had one of those too. This guy was probably in is late 40's. I knew I was in trouble 2 minutes into my first session. I wanted to discuss the physical/mental abuse that I had suffered through as a child, and he said "Why don't we just talk about what's going on now." Every session, I had to talk about meaningless minutiae for 1 hour, never getting to the root cause of why I am who I am, and why I continue to suffer. He rarely spoke to me, and offered no insight on anything I would say. I was never allowed to bring up past issues. I'm sure that he was just there for the money, and I let it go on for way too long.

[@zaraandrews600]

I recently tried having a therapist and they didn't mention that the post code on their profile was incorrect. It ended up being on the other side of my city, taking an hour and a half to get there, which isn't ideal when I commute a lot for work already. I would literally fall asleep from exhaustion on the way home on the bus from sessions. They were also a lot less availability than they previously suggested. Plus, they worked from a shed in their garden with no waiting room, which really intensified my anxiety as I like to get to places early and relax in the waiting room. I had specifically looked for a therapist in my area that knew about ADHD and autism, which was pretty difficult, but when I talked to them about my autism they just thought my issues were caused by anger or sadness. I kept saying it was just plain exhaustion from dealing with humans, and they just didn't seem to believe it. I hated being told that it needed to be anger or sadness. I struggle saying I am angry at something because it feels so aggressive, also I think there is more than just anger and sadness, such as happiness and frustration. I found myself just going with them sometimes as I got so exhausted from trying to explain my feelings to them. When I realised that was happening I put an end to the sessions.

[@jacobnicodemus1051]

#6 is so true. I worked with a therapist for nearly 3 years and after about a year and a half of declining quality of service, had to fire her. She was bringing too much of her own stuff into session and though I kept dropping gentle hints that this was inappropriate, she continued to decline. When I finally did tell her outright that I felt our time together was no longer useful, she got suuuuuper defensive and angry, which in turn only caused me more harm. Few months later when I started up with a new therapist, I was first hyper vigilant and on guard, which I discussed with her at length. And second, I decided that this is MY time and I’m the client, and I’d be darned if I let a therapist make me feel that way again. So if my therapist says or does something that hits me a little sideways, I (respectfully!) voice it. We remain curious, we discuss, we explore, and yes, there has been once or twice that she apologized. This willingness to be honest has deepened our relationship, helped her develop as a clinician, and given me much needed practice in voicing my needs and recognizing my feelings as valid. Win-win!

[@Manon12092000]

Since I met my new therapist I’m constantly tiptoeing on wether or not she’s helping me. I’m autistic, been officially diagnosed for three years, I’m high masking and currently on the end of my Master’s degree in psychology. I’ve been recently diagnosed with EDS (Elhers Danlos). The first time we met, I told her about my autism diagnosis because I don’t think hiding it would be helpful, she flat out told me that I didn’t look autistic and that she doesn’t work with labels. On the other hand, when I told her about EDS she was empathetic about it and told me that it must be hard for me. When I told her that it felt wrong that she denied my autism diagnosis she was understanding and we talked about it.

[@gillb9222]

I am seeing so many people who are autistic and have EDS. My son has the same and I keep seeing it coming up over and over again, there is so much crossover. I do wonder how much research is being done on the connection between the two conditions

[@Manon12092000]

@@gillb9222 I was talking about it with my partner, I know a lot of people with EDS who have been diagnosed with autism ! It’s crazy

[@xxBreakxxAwayxx3]

My therapists have made similar autism comments to me, even the ones who claimed to be experienced. I usually get something like "You shouldnt limit yourself with a label like that." or "youre fine!" It sucks and im so proud of myself for the times when ive been able to spontaneously react or give feedbaxk about it, even when they dont listen. I iust want to really validate how hard it can be to find a good fit. Data shows that the most important factor in therapy success is NOT training. Its whether the client feels comfortable & supported. If you arent sure, i would encourage you to look for something that GIVES you emergy/support in a more concrete way, maybe different modalities or approaches? IT MATTERS how you feel, even when you dont know the exact word yet. You deserve a therapist who shows you that your feelings/care are important (: I also want to validate that coming from trauma and sensory issues, it can be super normal to not really feel "right" in most situations and it does NOT mean youre doing it wrong! ❤

[@WhatWouldLubitschDo]

It’s wild to me that people are allowed to become therapists without even being required to study the minority stress model. As an entry point… obviously… not a comprehensive guide to people’s lived experiences.

[@liesbethcarlier2318]

That bug is recurring comedic relief at this point

[@corriemcclain7960]

I don't think I've ever had a bad therapist, but I've only had one that actually seemed helpful. As a late diagnosed high making neurodiverse person, I feel like I understand my condition better than most of my therapists at this point. I don't even know if it's worth continuing with therapy when they want to use exposure therapy to fix my distress at auditory processing disorder.

[@fancydeer]

gross. guess they don't realize your brain is literally wired differently and no amount of exposure is going to "fix" it. that doesn't sound like a helpful therapist.

[@nataliaalfonso2662]

You need neurofeedback therapy.

[@corriemcclain7960]

@@nataliaalfonso2662 Thank you. I'll research that

[@Jazzmaster1992]

I've only ever "ghosted" a therapist once. It was after I explained that I felt very upset about something that just recently happened that basically turned my whole life on its head, and I wanted the right tools to process it and understand why it happened so I can avoid repeating any possible mistakes I made. Her response? She rolled her eyes at me and told me to just move on.

[@Ineksi]

Had one that discarded my issues as perfectionism and concluded the session with "just let go of it". That was the "tool" they recommended. 🙈

[@kaitlyntriplett4933]

i ghosted mine after realizing she can’t remember what i tell her. made me feel so lowww like wow u can’t even right a note down or review my stuff before i come in? u see that many ppl? i also was convinced she was a drunk bc she tried gaslighting me into thinking my mom wasn’t a drunk. girl was in denial and she was trying to stay there. i ghosted. still mad ab it to this day. like don’t be a therapist if ur gonna be a drunk and not even remember what ur clients tell u.

[@sarahcouture24]

As a survivor of the troubled teen industry, I greatly appreciate your validation and the fact that you are NOT "apolitical" about that issue.

[@Alayhoo]

Yes! The whole “therapist as blank slate” thing is such utter bull shit. It’s infuriatingly obtuse, apathetic, patronizing, myopic, and honestly, delusional. Implicit bias is a systemic problem within the field of psychology and psychiatry and it’s a key reason why misdiagnosis is so common particularly in women. Feminist therapy is crucial in therapy education because it acknowledges power dynamics, social positionality of client and therapist and encourages systems thinking in evaluation and treatment.

[@anainesgonzalez8868]

@@Alayhoo ❤️

[@Jay-cz5pw]

I dont think any red flag will surpass my therapist tell me, a person with a severe restrictive eating disorder that it was bad that i was happy to have gained a singular pound because I was still overweight. Like lost 30 in a month sort of severe. Of course I was cheering I had gained a pound because it meant I had eaten something. Just a note to anyone: if your therapist, who you are seeing Specifically For That reason then says it’s bad that you are happy about the physical results of getting better, GET OUTTA THERE-

[@sapphirehands7780]

Back in the day, I was about 18 ish and I had a fill in male counselor (40’s). Didn’t know him. My second session with him, I was talking about my boyfriend and he interrupts me and asked me if we’re having sex. I told him I didn’t feel comfortable with him asking me that question he pushed. He said it’s just a normal question to ask to find out how serious the relationship was so he could help me. I replied that he could ask me how long we’ve been dating, or how serious did I think the relationship was? This became a power struggle. He wanted me to talk about my sex life. I didn’t feel comfortable. It felt super creepy!!! I refuse to answer his questions about my sex life. I did stand up to him and say that I wasn’t gonna talk about that with him. He did not like that, pressured, and defended his position. Here’s the thing, I was a young woman talking to a male counselor who had more power than me in that situation. I said I felt uncomfortable. I said I didn’t wanna talk about my sex life with him. That was not why I was there! I quit him because he did not respect me. He was pressuring and trying to manipulate me. He didn’t know me or my history and had not built trust. Every time I have seen a counselor before or after him not one counselor asked me if I was having sex with a man. Never. Ever.

[@lisa2000geese]

You are right, your therapist was inappropriate, and should have respected your boundaries, and not persisted with questions you didn't want to answer and were under no obligation to discuss.

[@tylervile2578]

thanks for this video, mickey! i had an absolute nightmare of a therapist for years when in my early 20s, and what i want to say is if you live in a state that has legal records publicly available to view online, case search that MFer!! if your therapist has had legal action taken against them, you have a right to know about it!

[@kristim4621]

I've seen a lot of therapist red flags but one that stuck out to me was a therapist I was seeing constantly telling me how I was feeling about things I was talking about. I told her I'd rather her ask me "are you feeling this?" or even the "how does that make you feel?" but to stop with all the "and that makes you feel this." It was particularly irritating because most of the time she was wrong. I ended up not seeing her again because she wouldn't stop.

[@no_peace]

Ah I had one that said "oh you feel numb" every single time i said I'm not going to take SSRIs bc they make me apathetic. "Oh you feel numb" "i feel apathetic" "ah yes they make you numb" like 5 times. That's like, an elementary school level social mistake. How do they not know better

[@badtvbad1]

All of my good therapists have always said "Do you feel this way?" rather than "You feel this way." And always listened with extra attention if I said, No, I don't feel that way. I could tell they were trying to learn and make sure they understood my actual feelings. I had one therapist tell me how I felt, kinda insisted, and that was our last appointment.

[@trixjoyce]

My therapist was not well-informed of how autism works so she complained on me stimming too much and my way of speaking/communicating. When I reminded her I am autistic and I do the best I can she said that “autism is not your problem, the problem is your behaviour and that you are not in touch with your feelings”???? This is in Sweden btw, so our health care system makes it very hard to change therapist. I was stuck with her a little over 6 months and now I’m waiting for specialist treatment because my big problem is my different traumatic experiences and PTSD. I hope my new therapist won’t complain on my “autistic behaviour” while treating my trauma though….

[@JHabc]

This is helpful. I recently moved to Canada where there’s a public mental health system. My depression relapsed and I waited forever to see a therapist who did not fit my needs at all and didn’t seem to have the skills to carry on a conversation with me. I worked in mental health for years, trained as a therapist, and knowing I can be super critical of therapists, I tried to be patient as she stumbled through. Went through a significant trauma while I was seeing her, and had to seek outside support. When I finally told her the approach wasn’t helping, her response was that the system doesn’t offer long term therapy and she spent the second half of the session typing on her computer. I was literally baffled and had a complete meltdown in the lobby after. I wasn’t able to leave a message to cancel the next appointment, and told her she didn’t have the training to address my needs, not as kindly as I would have liked to. I finally followed up with a psychiatrist who claimed I have dependent personality disorder and refused to prescribe anything for my depressive episodes. My head is still spinning over it. I’ve learned that even if the therapy is free, I need to ask questions about what the therapist’s training and treatment modality is. Because I feel like I saw someone who had no experience with human beings before, and it just added to my trauma, and sense of hopelessness.

[@LalaWatches]

What public mental health system? You're definitely getting that from work not the government

[@sabrinapuente2505]

@@LalaWatches I'm going to assume they are referring to CMHA. Which is government-funded.

[@JHabc]

Provincial mental health and addictions is a part of the public healthcare system here.

[@AlexandraUtschig]

You need one of those tennis racket shaped things that zap the bugs.

[@badtvbad1]

One trick pony is a big one. I have had 2 therapists tell me I am un-helpable, incurable, incapable of moving forward, because I didn't respond to the one and only modality they used. Don't believe that nonsense. Don't be discouraged. It's just time to move on and find a good therapist.

[@jaccaj1626]

All these examples are basically why I currently do not have a therapist, although I'd like to. I've experienced them all and just kind of gave up😒 Mickey seems to be the best vibe at the moment, so I'll just tune in until I can find an adequate replacement,lol. 🤭

[@jacobnicodemus1051]

Don’t give up. There are outstanding therapists in the world. I think mine is brilliant and possibly an angel.

[@rainbowwwkim]

As someone who's usually not been able to afford therapy when I needed it, I did a lot of journaling, poetry writing, art therapy, and did my own psychedelic therapy. That and there's a lot of books, podcasts, youtubers, and therapy work books out there too

[@no_peace]

​@@rainbowwwkimi did my own as well, mostly exposure therapy and anxiety techniques, but even more than that i studied Zen Buddhism and mindfulness (the all around lifestyle not "breath management"). That basically cured my anxiety disorder issues

[@atomiccrouton]

I'd like to add on that being an expert in everything also applies things like the LGBT+ community. Someone who's ace is going to face different challenges than someone who's trans or bi or two spirit. Each identity faces it's own unique challenges and sometimes people can have multiple identities within the queer community. If someone has that in their professional profile, it's probably great to ask what experience do you have with what identities. In my experience, I did not ask that question in session 0 and it led to a very invalidating and painful experience because the therapist didn't even know what being ace was and when I explained it, they said something that was very clearly influenced by their religious beliefs and I'm an atheist. Saying things like "I'm apolitical" or "When I walk through the door, everyone get's treated the same" is the same as saying "I don't see color" and it's really fucking damaging because it also gives them a free pass from criticism and self development on their own biases. It's just systemic approved cognitive dissonance and it hurts people.

[@fanime1]

I offhand mentioned to my therapist that I am polyamorous and demisexual and she asked questions about it because she wasn't aware of those labels. I explained it and she seemed very interested in learning about it. I think it's fine if a therapist doesn't know every identity, as long as they're willing to learn new ones.

[@reigning_deer185]

I had to send a email telling my old therapist she was not the right fit for me after trying for months, two separate times with her over a few years. It was incredibly hard and I still haven't found the right fit, but seeing this list helped me regain the confidence to know I made the right decision because she fit all of your criteria for a no-good therapist!

[@achyleftistwitch]

When my last therapist retired, the man she sent me to didn't seem to fit at all, but he seemed good hearted. So, in the next session i went in and told him i dont need his advice, just someone to listen and make sure I'm not going off the deep end. He changed his style and things have been great with him since. I really lucked out

[@Aziara86]

My previous therapist: 1.Demanded I immediately 'forgive' my severely abusive father when i announced that he had just died. Despite me already insisting i had a huge trigger about the concept of forgiveness. 2. Was concerned that my reaction to his death was relief instead of grief. 3. Insisted that he would 'burn in hell' until i could forgive him. Not really helping, why would i want him in heaven?? Also, a major part of my trauma was religious and she knew that. Was also agnostic. 4. Was thoroughly triggered when i told her at the next session that i thought i may have recovered vague memories of SA by my father. I felt safe enough after his death for my brain to release. She kept insisting "I believe that *you* believe it" and demanding i ask my NC narc mother if it really happened... uh no. 5. Claimed i was ready to 'graduate' at my very next session and told me not to make another appointment.

[@jennw6809]

Holy fuck I'm sorry. That's as bad as some of my experiences. And I rarely think that cause I've had some doozies.

[@hwoods-kg1jf]

I had a therapist (only had a few sessions with her because she was so horrible) ask me "How is your DUI case going?" I was like WHAT!! ? 1. I don't even drink alcohol anymore and 2. I don't have a license or a car and 3. I don't have a f**king DUI! The therapist I have now is awesome and the hour I'm in that room with her it's ALL ABOUT ME! She doesn't compare her life to my life (like the therapist I had before her did. The therapist I had before her also looked down on MAT recovery for SUD and mocked my sobriety because she believed in abstinence only/12 step recovery from SUD when that has the highest failure rate. Also, she wanted me to go to a detox (which I DID NOT AND DO NOT NEED!) and it's because her husband is a also a recovering addict/alcoholic and his job is to get people into detoxes so she would be able to make more money off of me! My life is SO much better today than it was exactly a year ago around this time in 2023. Great video Mickey!

[@louise6268]

My first therapist just wouldn't say anything. Like at all. I'd talk and then she'd stay quiet so I would add some more and then after 50min I had to pay her for looking at me blankly the whole time. It made me feel like my problems were stupid and beneath her. The second therapist focused on stuff that didn't matter and dismissed the important things. I once told him that I thought I might be different from other people, which was a huge deal for me to say because I had always believed I was a regular plain non-special person. He said it didn't mean anything. 4 years later I got diagnosed with Autism-ADHD with a lifelong depressive disorder. I've been with my now therapist since 2019. I knew I liked her when she sent me the longest form I've ever seen before our first appointment, so we didn't loose our first paid session with the "what brings you here?"

[@Createssence]

Oh my gosh are you me?! XD I literally relate to the first therapist, on top of just staring at me I’d catch her dozing off so much throughout our sessions. Made therapy a bad experience for me. I’m happy you were able to match with someone who cares 🖤

[@nicoles2159]

I knew I liked my therapist when she took the time to get an understanding of my intersecting identities in our first session. She was just so validating and kind, while also calling me out gently LOL.

[@yolandaponkers1581]

Like, I’m so torn. I want you as my therapist but I would much rather be friends with you! You absolutely rock, seriously.

[@Algo1]

My current psychiatrist challenged me about the medication I've been taking (benzos) and I, objectively, cannot disagree, it's been too long, but as you said around 10:50, therapists have to be kind and compassionate and, I don't know if she was in fact not kind and compassionate, but her matter-of-fact, do-as-I-say-because-I'm-the-one-who-knows attitude that I got, rubbed me the wrong way.

[@anainesgonzalez8868]

@@Algo1 I am having a similar issue with my therapist. I agree with his observations and he is kind and accepts criticism but I also feel an attitude of “I am the one who knows” that makes me wonder if he is the right fit

[@marandadavis9412]

I had a therapist give me a worksheet where I was to write about my past, present situation, and future goals. One of the things I mentioned was that I'm working on a novel and hope to have it published "soon". She mentioned that that could be a good subject to discuss next session. I thought maybe we would discuss the themes of the novel or what things have prevented me from finishing/publishing it so far, but no, after i gave a brief summary of what i wrote, she gave me a publisher suggestion: Scholastic. ... Ma'am, you might want to hear a little more about my steampunk novel about pirates before you suggest i publish with a child friendly group😅

[@basicindiebro]

Mickey, I love your channel. My therapist and I terminated therapy after a hardcore year of BPD 4 hours a week treatment where I showed massive growth but I miss her a lot. You remind me to still take care of my mental health. ❤️

[@hoykfnvnnesnxnnensncjforkx1616]

Had a therapist that forgot my name and EVERY detail of me every time i went and i went once a week for months. She even once said "i dont believe you are well enough to move out of your parents place because of your mental health at this moment" and i was actively living by myself for 4+ years at that point. She would reask my name and even was like "you should have a job at this point and you should be trying to get one." And i had to tell her i was a full time college student and worked full time. It was so frustrating

[@FirstnameLastname-jd4uq]

She probably shouldn’t even be a therapist with memory issues like that. Or maybe she’s just messing with you who knows

[@WishfulThinkingArt]

I’ve been talking to my own therapist lately about getting used to living with a long-time partner, and I appreciate how she drops her own stories about getting used to the same thing in her life. It lets me know just enough without her disclosing too much personal information, that I’m not alone in this. It’s gotta be a tough balancing act in that regard, but she does a good job validating me in things like that.

[@abbiemarie38]

My last therapist would spend almost the whole session talking about personal stories. I also kept getting canceled on or rescheduled. I ended up just never rescheduling. I kind of feel bad because she was really nice, and I liked her, but it felt like a huge waste of time. I probobly only saw her 5 times over 5-6 months when I was scheduled to see her every other week 😬

[@kaitlyntriplett4933]

when i tried to open about my mothers drinking and how it really effects me she basically gaslit me into thinking my mom doesn’t have a problem. i could tell she was trying to defend her as if she had any idea how bad it really was. it was at that moment i noticed she always drinking out of a container similar to the yeti cups my mother always drinks out of, and she would mention multiple occasions how she also has a couple drinks at night which is how my mom described her problem as well. i then noticed she wouldn’t remember things i told her. it reminded me of how my mom can’t remember things cuz of the drinking. i ghosted her after another session of repeating myself and feeling like i was crazy for thinking my mom needs help.

[@xepru]

regarding the list of specialties - i kinda hate when ppl put “lgbtq+ issues” on their list of specialties. not being outright homophobic and having experience with identity issues is not enough to help queer ppl. i remember trying to talk to my therapist about gender for the first time and she suggested that me leaning trans masc is maybe partly a rejection of the performance of womanhood that was forced on me. like, sure okay, maybe that could be a piece of it, but maybe that’s for me to determine and should not be the first suggestion put out there?? our minimal conversations about gender left me closeted in therapy for years bc i didn’t feel like i had sensible, tangible reasons to be trans. i eventually had the courage to tell her my pronouns were “they/them” and that i wasn’t interested in discussing it

[@WhatWouldLubitschDo]

👏👏👏 Not being a phobe isn’t a specialty, it’s a basic expectation. Don’t put lgbtq+ on your profile unless you’re actually used to talking to queer people. And that’s just basic af inclusivity. As far as a “specialty” goes, I think that calls for a sub-checklist. Someone who just wants to know that pronouns won’t be an issue in therapy is quite different from someone struggling to understand their gender, is quite different from a cis gay grappling with their religious childhood, etc.

[@JHabc]

@@WhatWouldLubitschDoyes, there’s a difference between being able to work with clients from the queer community and being able to address issues around queer identity in therapy. When I first sought therapy, I needed a lesbian therapist because I was struggling feeling unsafe around being out. At times I have needed a therapist who was comfortable talking about abuse within same sex relationships, and not all lesbian therapists are. These days, being a lesbian doesn’t feel like an issue I need to address in therapy, but I do need a therapist who is comfortable with queer folk and isn’t going to view who I am as a problem

[@WryKai6978]

That last one, unable to take criticism/suspend their ego is such a HUGE one. When it goes from working relationship to "we are done, the last session is about our exit strategy" in one week, it's such a violent wound to inflict on a patient struggling to open up. Good luck on your journey out there, fellow brains 💜

[@mayaaditi]

I once had a therapist that tried to convince me that I was abused when I was a child and just wouldn’t stop talking about it. My therapist now is amazing, she is basically not doing anything you mentioned in your video. I was diagnosed with autism while already working with her and asked her if we can work on my social skills and she said yeah sure but she has to educate herself a little more about that topic. We did really cool exercises the next session and the best part is that she never forces me to face anything but allows me to recognize things on my own time with her help. She is the best

[@pinetreegreen3330]

13:33 this is something i apreciate abt our tharapist both when bringing up conflicts with friends and family or internally with headmates (we are plural) she points out that her role is to be a nutral third party who doesnt takes sides but helpes people resolve there conflicts

[@gillb9222]

I am neurodivergent and my last therapist was supposed to be experienced in working with ND people. I was talking about something to do with my ADHD and he came put with the classic 'well we are all a bit ADHD'. After a 10 minute rant about how ADHD is completely different from just being a bit forgetful or feeling a bit lazy sometimes I cut him off. I now have a therapist who is autism himself and he challenges things that ND people really need such as internal ableism, imposter syndrome, guilt and shame about being 'forgetful' and 'lazy' and he is guiding me away from seeing myself as being debilitated by being ND. Its hard to find an ND therapist but it's a gamechanger because they actually get it. Having someone who says they know about something that they don't can make therapy really damaging

[@herahagstoz6934]

Apolitical is actually not possible since the political is personal and informs and influences the ethos of everyone. Broadly speaking.

[@bruyeremc]

Big one for me, therapist no-shows and then makes excuses and does not take accountability for their mistake. Childhood trauma repeating in therapy, no thanks.

[@artistaroundtheblock2047]

7:01 Genuinely very ethical of you. Because I sometimes see plastic surgeons taking about neurosurgery, foot doctors talking about skin conditions and I'm like ,"What are the chances you really know what you're talking about?"

[@eliselapuce]

I've been very lucky so far with therapist, except for one. I was going through a major depressive episode, with bad anxiety, and every session started with a 5min meditation (not guided, just silence) that would make me extremely anxious and panicky. Then, they were trying so so so hard to make me use some kind of x/y axis graph where I had to put things on each sides depending on their attributes. They explained it to me numerous times and I just couldn't understand (and I'm usually a quick learner). I could feel their frustration at me not grasping their "magical" therapy tool. After about 3 or 4 sessions, I just never went back and found another therapist. A therapist being so rigid in the tools and approach they use when it's clearly not working or it's not a good fit for the patient is a huge red flag indeed.

[@wrongname2702]

I am struggling really hard with my BPD and ADHD and my current therapist was mostly EMDR focused but I hit a crisis point and now we have backed up and i got a CBT book. Which is the most invalidated ive felt in a while. Depression and anxiety is a part of my life sure but the BPD diagnosis came after 3 psych ward stays so I would hope its a valid diagnosis and not just a label to get insurance to pay for the stays. I just feel broken and like theres no hope but no therapist ive seen so far wants to go through DBT skills with me and i have a sneaking suspicion they dont think the BPD is real. Do I have to prove it everytime? I dont want to be crazy anymore but that CBT book is depressing and not helpful

[@steggopotamus]

I don't have BPD and haven't tried CBT. But from what I can tell CBT would need a lot of framing from the therapist if it were to be used with a lot of people. (Many people have trouble with the concepts of CBT). Because in some abusive upbringings, bullying etc questions were used like accusations. Or questions were used to invalidate people. So in order for those things to work a therapist would have to be really good at building trust with a patient and framing the questions in such a way that they don't trigger defensive responses but instead help the patient think about the constructive ways they can change their way of thinking. So, I don't know how helpful these will be for you, but you could try adding patrick teahan to your therapist watch list. He deals with trauma in a way that I feel has atleadt some value for most people, and might help you learn more about how you can build trust with a therapist. (Since some people liked this comment, I'll add a few examples) Ex 1: Accusation: why can't you be more like your brother? Reword: how do you feel your priorities and skills differ between you and your brother? Ex 2: A: why is it always about you and your feelings? R: what do you think a fair balance between your feelings and others would play out? Both of the rewords can still be triggering if the therapist doesn't build trust. And I'm not an expert in CBT or therapy, those just have worked for me when resolving differences with or helping friends.

[@christinelamb1167]

@@steggopotamus Wow, your comment made me realize what might be going on with my therapy sessions! I don't actually know what kind of therapy my therapist is using in my sessions, but she does tend to ask questions that seem to come from out of left field, and I often feel invalidated. I feel like she's trying to get me to think/feel a different way, and I don't like it! It's because of this that I don't fully trust her, and it makes me hesitant to say what I'm really thinking.

[@wrongname2702]

​@steggopotamus is he the childhood trauma guy? I like his information but I don't like his voice for some reason. I do listen to his stuff when I'm able but voices that sound nice are really important for me.... thank you for the reframing and support with this. I am writing the thoughts down as they come to me but I don't want anyone to see the nasty judgemental side of myself.

[@amandamandamands]

I don't know if the BPD is real or not, I do know that I was given a BPD diagnosis from the hospital system and it was 10 years later that I figured out that it was actually autism. For people looking from the outside there are a lot of similarities especially if you are like me and didn't realise that you have sensory issues until after the autism diagnosis. They see the big emotions and meltdowns and it gets put down to anger issues, they see the black and white thinking which is a trait of both. I was diagnosed with dysthymia, no I was constantly overdone and didn't have the energy to do anything, my burn out looks like major depression (including the thought patterns) but doesn't respond to medication. Something to think about because depending on how long ago you got the ADHD diagnosis they didn't think that people could be AuDHD and even today they will still diagnose which one is more obvious to them and try and tell you that everything else you are going through is just traits because again they overlap quite often. Even if the BPD diagnosis is correct CBT is usually contraindicated as a treatment method and is why DBT was created in the first place, so right there is something to push back on.

[@steggopotamus]

@@wrongname2702 i can see how his voice could get to some people. To me he's a safer feeling guy. Mr. Rogers vibes. but to each their own. And yeah, he focuses on childhood trauma. Definitely don't force yourself to watch if it makes it uncomfortable.

[@Evenstar9092]

A devoutly religious therapist is also a red flag to me. The last woman I worked with straight up told me I should read the Bible (also quizzed me on my sparse knowledge of Christianity) and then told me I should open my heart to god to help with my anxiety and depression. This was a couple weeks after I had described myself as spiritual/pagan inclined. Lol. At another point she said it was my fault that I was suffering. That I was CHOOSING to suffer because I’m an athlete and so have the discipline to stop suffering if I wanted to… Like, what?

[@hj-ct2qi]

I'll never forget when my therapist told me I couldn't possibly have low self esteem about my appearance or body image issues because I was "her most attractive patient" and "wore makeup and dressed nice, which is not normal for people with body image issues." Obviously I never had another session with her.

[@LoisRich]

I had a similar experience. Told them about my low self esteem and they responded "but you're so cute!" Like great I'm cured from years of trauma lol. Then also went out of their way to compliment me every session and it was just overall uncomfortable.

[@nygmasc]

I feel like something is off with my therapist, but I haven't yet spotted what it is. I feel like she's labeled me as an attention seeker or sth by saying I use "being weird" as an identity and that literally doesn't feel like me at all. I mean, I'm an artist, of course I am a little weirder than normal but it has nothing to do with my trauma. She commented on the way I was dressed and my hairstyle on our First session. It just felt wrong

[@WhatWouldLubitschDo]

Fixating on your appearance and telling you who you are instead of asking… That sounds objectifying and really uncomfortable 😳 I’d be ready to decide between bringing up this person’s assumptions and (seems to me) boundary crossing, or cutting losses and going elsewhere. Honestly one of the many reasons I now prefer remote therapy is that I’ve had anxieties over the possibility I’ll be judged for dressing any particular way, and I’ve never even had an experience like the one you’ve described (just gotten stared at a little if I came in dressed from the previous activity, such as work)

[@Nashleyism]

You can tell your therapist how you feel about them. If they are a good therapist they won't take it personally, rather will be curious on what they can improve and/or why do you feel like this. Also as Mickey says, if you don't feel good and safe in a relationship, it is okay to leave. You don't have to know why you feel like it, your feelings are valid and enough to make a decision 🤗

[@AttenuatedNecronym]

I had a therapist who told me up front that his only tool was cbt. Which I really appreciated the honesty. But it only kinda sorta helped a little

[@catnokyatto]

My ex-therapist fired herself after I told her about how hard and overwhelming it was dealing with chronic pain and a chronic eye condition. She told me that I was just looking to have things wrong. 🙃 When I pointed out that I had an actual diagnosed chronic symptom, she quickly changed topics and at the end of our time she goes, "You're doing so well lately, so maybe we should stop meeting each other." 😂

[@goddessneptune]

The two therapists where I can remember the exact reason why the relationship was dissolved because it was so anger inducing - 1. A therapist had me do a “what was your part in this situation” exercise, and while this may be appropriate for people who don’t take on responsibility, in this situation I was a victim, the situation caused me ptsd and I already overly analyze situations and blame myself for them. The exercise caused me to spiral. I explained why this exercise was not appropriate for me and months later, he tried it again. 2. I wanted to pursue and autism diagnosis, my therapist actively discouraged it and then when I got the diagnosis kept pushing me to tell her what I thought was negative about the diagnosis even though I kept repeating that this diagnosis just gave me clarity and I felt nothing negative about it. With how harmful and hurtful these two were i honestly cannot believe that they are practicing at all.

[@ErutaniaRose]

So much ableism in a lot of common therapists. It’s so sad.

[@alexacarrillo4339]

That is a common AA thing. What was your part in this and I quit AA because they pushed that on me for being SAed by my stepfather. My therapist in treatment had warned us that could happen but kept recommending that program even though he knew that would happen to us. Most therapists are stuck on AA and the techniques involved even if they aren’t AA based therapists. I go to Smart now and it has processes I find best to use on my cptsd. If the cptsd is out of control the drinking happens so fix the underlying problem and the other problem disappears for me.

[@ErutaniaRose]

@@alexacarrillo4339 I’m so sorry that happened to you and I’m glad you’ve been able to find solutions. I haven’t dipped into alcoholism myself exactly, but I have addiction tendencies due to my CPTSD also. Too many therapists focus on “seeing all sides” to a point of centrism and victim blaming, it’s so upsetting. (And I do think this is a problem beyond therapy as well, and is a societal issue.) I hope you are able to get the help you need and have a good rest of your life. As a fellow SA survivor you deserve better.

[@alexacarrillo4339]

@@ErutaniaRose Smart focuses not just on substances but behaviors which I like. Most people can point to substance use and say oh see that is the problem but cptsd can show up in many ways that harm our lives.

[@goddessneptune]

@@ErutaniaRose yeah, the victim blaming thing. Like therapists, I don’t need you to help me understand my parents’ behavior when I was a literal child with a developing brain/body/emotions and they were always the adults who chose to have me. Also due to my heightened empathy because of needing to be very hyper aware of others’ changing emotions, I can do that quite well on my own. I don’t also don’t need anyone to excuse abusive behavior from a boss (someone in a position of power over me) who caused me to develop severe job related c-ptsd, and who has done similarly abusive things to others. Sometimes people who have power over you do knowingly abuse it or they could have done much better, but didn’t.

[@darrensanderson1031]

My fiancé had a therapist that she had an amazing rapport with, had been seeing for well over a decade, had helped her with her chronic mental health issues, her divorce, all kinds of things through her life. She started dating me, and her therapist was really queer friendly and had no hangups about our relationship. Then she mentioned that it was a polyamorous relationship. “You need to understand something, polyamory doesn’t exist, you’re actually in a competition with the other woman for your girlfriend, because you actually want a proper relationship” One bigotry filled sentence and there goes a 15 year client/patient relationship, and she’s had a hard time finding a therapist since that she can trust :(

[@herpsandderps8967]

My first therapist I tried out never really said anything except "oh wow" and when I asked for something a bit more structured she just had me fill out a worksheet that I'm not sure she ever read. I came in with strong anxiety and having difficulties coping with some acute stressors and specifically a family event coming up but she never helped me address it and things just kinda came and went without any help thinking through options or anything. I hate to think she basically just scammed me but I didn't really want to just talk to someone and never hear anything back. I coulda just talked to Eliza if that was the case.

[@WhatWouldLubitschDo]

It truly is theft. A lot of healthcare professionals get away with showing up to work and doing nothing tbh. Yet they can still bill you.

[@nataliaalfonso2662]

She scammed you

[@LoisRich]

This happened to me. I was paying $$$ and she would try to get me to meditate for like 10 minutes of the session, and then talk about how I felt, then draw a picture for 10 minutes of the session and talk about how I feel and things like that that genuinely wasted time. Then we spent an entire session creating a plan for my therapy and she informed me we would be spending another session doing the exact same plan again. I told her I felt like we were wasting time when I was paying so much and she told me she never saw the money so she doesn't know who I was paying. She had no interest in diving deeply into my traumas, just told me I was responsible for everything that ever happened in my life when I was a victim to many uncontrollable circumstances. I just resonate so deeply with feeling scammed, each therapy session being a nothing-burger from a disinterested therapist.

[@GTaichou]

I was court-ordered therapy as a child after I started failing to thrive following my parents' divorce. It was a terrible experience. I was scared every time I went in, I never felt like I really built a trusting relationship with the therapist. I always felt like I was being examined under time pressure, and I felt extremely lead into certain responses. I don't remember getting answers to any issues - and then at one session after disclosing issues at home, the therapist told my parent what I'd said but DIDN'T sit down with the three of us to mediate. Just dropped the bomb and sent us home. That drive home was terrifying, I really felt like I was in danger. Probably the reason I avoided therapy for a long time as an adult even though I still definitely could have benefitted from it. My current therapist, though not a most perfect fit, has a working enough relationship with me and we have made progress together.

[@Nikki-bh2dh]

Fellow therapist person here :) thanks for your vid & for all the wisdom you share with the world! At first my avoidance parts were lit up with, "omg what if I'm that sucky therapist" insecurities that hang out with those of us who are deep in imposter syndrome struggle - yet, I know that if any of these sucky things are going on with me, I will take the hit (rejection sensitivity & all), reflect on it & work to change. Know better, do better & all that jazz. This time each of your points felt really validating/reassuring in the work I'm doing, especially your first point about being 'apolitical' - I found myself making a similar argument in a recent supervision (that the personal is political & that I cannot operate authentically without honouring that reality) & now I'm reconsidering whether it might be time to find new supervision. Deepest gratitude for all that you do!!

[@Glitteryteddy]

Great timing! I was just weighing if i should get a new therapist

[@TeeganLee]

I'm curious how you'd handle a situation where an existing client was diagnosed with a personality disorder by their psychiatrist. Would you transition them over to someone with that expertise? Or if you were otherwise working well together would that override things? Is that how you end up having experience with a new thing? Or does that have to be done more intentionally? Or intentionally not done?

[@skylaroconnor2903]

11:30 My therapist telling me “I’m not gonna give you that one” when I said I stay up all night sometimes but it’s fiiiine, cuz then I crash at the end of the day and fall asleep early and then I can restart on my try to get the sleep schedule under control situation 😅

[@ColorJoyLynnH]

At 65 years old, I have had different counseling/therapy relationship since I was in fifth grade. What I have discovered over the years is that I might find someone who is the perfect match for a particular issue I’m working through. Once I feel like that issue is Addressed enough to be back burner, I might need a different therapist to deal with the next issue. Once I had a whole bunch of grief and anxiety issues, and when I got a little better there, I wanted to deal with financial challenges. Unfortunately, by then I had an unhealthy financial relationship with my therapist. I left that relationship and worked with debtors anonymous for a while and then found a different therapist.

[@badtvbad1]

I've been in and out of therapy since age 13 (I'm 53 now). I've found that each good therapist has had a certain amount of help to offer me, depending on my uppermost problems being addressed, their experience and expertise, and the modalities they use. It varies from therapist to therapist (I'm talking about GOOD therapists) but it usually takes between one and five years to get everything they have to offer me. Then it is time to move on, find someone with a different specialty or approach or expertise. They have all understood this and helped me find someone new. Sticking with one therapist when you feel you are no longer moving forward, it is not helpful. It doesn't mean they are bad or that you're a failure as a client. You just need a new person who can help you in a different way.

[@AuDHD_Mom]

My first attempt at therapy, the therapist fell to sleep for the last 15-20 minutes of the session. I just sat in silence.

[@tangerinefizz11]

When I was in college, I had a counselor who reminded me that I was inadequate, but she never offered solutions for addressing my inadequacies. She would listen and talk, but she didn't suggest solutions or tackle my issues. In hindsight, though, I don't think she had her sh*t together herself, so she was really in no position to counsel. She was also pessimistic, and while I'm not suggesting that counselors should be Pollyanna, they should be able to offer some optimism or hope.

[@blccdcrange]

my therapist said "I can't keep up with all the new gender terms, we didnt have that when I was young" and I wanted to end the session right there.

[@Karrokick]

Mine told me I talk too much during intake. Second appt said “oh so you do know how to listen.” I was shut down from the first appt. Needless to say not the only red flags and won’t be going back.

[@sara61696]

Omg. That is so incredibly unprofessional of them!

[@Karrokick]

@@sara61696 Some of the stuff she said led me into a huge spiral 🥴 this wasn’t even the worst of it. She was a nice person but… I don’t think she should be practicing anymore. Some of the things still repeat in my head so I’m def worse off from seeing her 😮‍💨 She also said she didn’t understand why I was looking for therapy when I’m so bright and so pretty. Like oh ok let me tell my un-aliving thoughts you think I’m pretty I’m sure that’ll fix it 😮‍💨

[@starlightish]

When I decided to move on from my therapist that couldn't take criticism she couldn't help herself from having the last word by saying "just remember where you were at in our sessions because this is when I turn the mirror on my clients and most of them can't take it. I've been doing this a very long time so I know that's exactly what's happening here." Like no pookie, you kept making wrong assumptions about my character and trying to "tell me about myself" when we never actually built the rapport for you to be doing that.

[@silentlyjudgingyou]

The thing I think is a red flag is feeling like they know the clients mind best and propping up the unhealthy 'just be normal' expectations of others, I do not want a professional gas lighter. There's this thing called actually listening that therapists don't seem willing to do at least not in my city that I've sworn off therapy completely now, I know I won't be safe and they won't care

[@no_peace]

Me too. Literally none of the ones I've seen understand systems or understand that I'm not there to learn to be different. The entire purpose of their type of therapy is to repair mentally ill people. They don't get that like, if I'm upset, it's not mental illness. It's bc something happened to me. They pathologize EVERYTHING and the worst ones blame me for everything. And they literally can't understand if i explain that to them lol. And you can't say anything about like gender inequity or whatever to people who don't understand systems. I shouldn't have to deliver university courses on social science to people who make $150+ an hour on me

[@no_peace]

My doctor told me to educate a therapist about autism so I could have a therapist who understands autism

[@silentlyjudgingyou]

@@no_peace Yikes Paying them so you can do their job for them. Reading this makes me nauseous as I'm also autistic

[@konral]

My school actually has a therapist and i went to her because of my depression. I really looked up to her but a few months ago i wanted to talk to her about me suspecting that i have ADHD/ADD, but she just told me, that "I'm a teenager and my brain is changing right now, and i don't always have to feel like i need to be special" she's kind of right, but she didn't even ask me about my symptoms... i have lost a lot of respect for her idk :/

[@xannaz9226]

Love how direct you are. I adore your walls.

[@SuperMonaLisaBros]

I remember a therapist asked me to write about my values and thoughts. The session after I sent it, she spent multiple hours furiously lecturing me on why I was wrong. I left the session even more s💀💀cidal than before. 🙄

[@skystygian]

I've been in therapy for 10 years and have a couple things I wanna add 1) Therapists using techniques irresponsibly!! My first therapist specialized in EMDR, which is a great technique, but absolutely not while you're actively still in the traumatic situation. I was a teenager and didn't know better, but looking back I can't believe she made me process familial abuse and trauma meanwhile still living with my family and actively being abused. It ruined me. I became so stressed by it that my body shut down and I got sick, and never fully recovered. Make sure you do your own research before trying out a new therapeutic method to decide if it's right for you, because you can't trust some therapists. 2) To add on to the one trick pony issue: someone who solely uses stream of consciousness techniques, where they essentially just ask you over and over "and how did that make you feel?" My last therapist was like that and I only recall her having an actual suggestion for me TWO TIMES, and both times it was the same exact suggestion. I could've gotten as much benefit from talking to a brick wall. Very frequently I would finish my thought and she would just sit there staring at me for up to a minute sometimes, and I would feel so awkward and just change the subject.

[@gionniblasphemy]

My ex-therapist (cis-straight-white-christian) told me I shouldn't look for a trans therapist because they wouldn't be able to be impartial to my needs as a trans person. I dumped her for a queer therapist! As you pointed out, politics matters.