6 Ways To Experience Genuine Gratitude

The secret is out: gratitude is good for your mental health. But what do you do if you don't feel it?
You might be in the situation I was in: I logically understood that gratitude was helpful; I could agree that I had things in my life worthy of gratitude; and yet it never translated from a concept in my head to an experience in my heart.
If you experience depression and anxiety, it's not enough to be told to be grateful, or to be told all the things we have to be grateful for or even the benefits of gratitude. You need tools and skills to practice gratitude.
I'm going to walk you through 6 gratitude tools I use everyday that help me actually experience gratitude - and all the good things that come with it.
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Disclaimer: This content is not intended to be a replacement for receiving treatment. It is purely educational in nature. My relationship with you is that of presenter and audience, not therapist and client.
But I do care.

[@Maggdusa]

You can learn to appreciate things in your life by giving up something you enjoy or value for a month at a time. I have practiced this for 30+ years. Every month, I choose something I enjoy or value, and exercise my self-discipline by giving it up for that month. You can get creative with it. I've done various foods and drinks, listening to music, cussing, carrying a purse, wearing perfume, reading for leisure, using a pillow at night, etc. It really helps me to appreciate things because I don't always have access to them.

[@batintheattic7293]

Do you never find that you neither need nor want the thing, you've abstained from, back? Did you not look at that purse, for instance, after the month's up and think "Ah, no thanks. I use pockets, now." It must happen, sometimes.

[@liminalspace-vz9hn]

maybe but for someone with depression who's already struggling with finding joy in the things they currently have might not be the best idea we're scraping it all for anything that makes this life worth living and this can be those small things

[@clockworkthoughts7830]

"Gratitude" feels so accusatory. It feels like something that your parents would force on you when you're little ("You're not grateful for all of the things that I do for you!"), and it can be a bit invalidating. It also feels like you need to be grateful to someone, a kind of indebtedness. I prefer appreciation instead. I take time to appreciate the things in my life. It's just a process of saying "Hey, look at that. That's pretty neat!" This goes along with mindfulness. "Hey, the sky is beautiful today. That's cool! Hey, I can check what the weather will be tomorrow on my phone. Wild!"

[@joshua_finch]

The "to someone" makes sense. There is a mysterious One and Principle needed to explain why anything is instead of nothing.

[@ruthanneluvsvacuuming6653]

I agree. People need you to be thankful and thank them repeatedly to show how grateful you are Personally I would rather get nothing rather than to be made to feel like I owe someone It should be enough to say thanks I appreciate it and then everyone moves on Thanking when gift received then sending a thank you card and calling to say thank you and tell them you sent a card. It’s just too much

[@user-wm2fv3sp3x]

I think some people do not do things for you for free. It's almost like they do it to have a hold on you. I don't mean they set out to do this with that in mind, or is their motivation or intention. But when you later do not do something they want you to do, they feel let down, and they will remind you of the things they've done for you and you are being ungrateful. It's almost like they regret doing those things for you. And you don't do something they want you to do does not necessarily mean you are ungrateful or unappreciative of what they've done for you.

[@blondefisk]

... I dont understand why but this title has brust me into tears. I am noticing how whwn one is struggling im often callwd upon to be hopeful n grateful, wirh no guidance. Too much online content is telling hurt n suffering people how to mask as well persons. '10 tips for a mentally healthy lifestyle... IF you didn't have to overcome violent hardship... And if you did live through that .. Be GRATEFUL!

[@DrScottEilers]

I think you'll really enjoy this episode!

[@marcoborge5208]

I feel grateful for you Scott. So warm hearted. Blessings for you and your loved ones

[@jadeybabes33]

Good tips thank you. For years being grateful was a negative for me. When I was depressed in my earlier years I would hear... 'Why are you depressed, you have a good life and a roof over your head - you should be grateful!' So I always felt like being 'grateful' was associated with feeling guilty for having depression, struggling or being sad - when I had a 'good' life. Now I am trying to look at gratefulness in a different light - like all the ways you mentioned. True genuine gratitude of my life - while still accepting I have many challenges.

[@idaloup6721]

I have a disease, a hydrops, Meniere disease. At the very beginning I was angry and harboured negative feelings. Now I feel Gratutude because this disease enabled me to be closer to my mother. Greatings from Paris ❤❤❤❤❤

[@Ford_prefect_42]

I am thankful for walking. I was unable to walk without my leg collapsing for a year the 4-6 months being on crutches/not able to walk more than a few feet. Every time i go down the stairs outside, i get happy because it took seconds where it would take me a full minute to go down 3 steps before.

[@jboughtin7522]

I have pulled myself out of many a negative head space by re-orienting to a position of things that I am grateful for. It can be as simple as being grateful to be able to take a hot shower. Fairly mundane stuff work just fine.

[@rosalindarcher6060]

THANK YOU! I’m grateful to you for your depth of understanding and empathy. It’s true, life is full of ‘shoulds’ without the leap of knowing how you get there. So much advice makes me feel like saying, no shit Sherlock!’ I know what I SHOULD be doing and, believe me, I would if I could! but how do I manage it, where are the tools, the practical hints or specifics to help me get there? I end up just feeling like another abject failure because I can’t manage it. So, thank you for trying to bridge the missing link (whether it works or not!). Actually typing this whilst cooking dinner for the kids. Often a chore that’s pushed me over the edge into boredom and resentment, especially after 17 years of doing it and the exhaustion after a long day. I just managed though, with your number 3 tip to enjoy cutting up the veg and hearing the sounds of the knife, seeing the colours and knowing my kids will be fed. Xxxxxxxx

[@696poki]

I'm thankful for almost everything in my life...but now im afraid every day to lose it and that i don't deserve it...

[@shirouhinata5318]

I learned to be grateful when I started putting myself in the shoes of people who are blind or deaf. I couldn't figure out what it really was, but I realized that I was lucky to have so many things given to me for free, so I began to appreciate my hard-earned things even more. Thanks to this, I learned not to compare myself to everyone else, because I realized that everyone has something that they lack. Being grateful for the little things in life has helped me see the light at the end of the tunnel and it also helps me with my depression and the anger I feel towards my parents for the mental abuse I have received for so many years because things could have been worse .

[@klpuhelin2816]

This is close to what I do. Whenever I feel even slightly envious about someone having something I don't, I think about the whole picture. For example if I think someone has got it all so easily and has a lot of money and their life goes smoothly etc. Then I think about their work - would I like to do that kind of work? Hell no! Do I like their house or their spouse or family? Hell no, or at least I wouldn't trade my own for theirs. So very quickly I find out that I wouldn't trade my life for anybody else's and I'm actually quite grateful for everything I have. I should be doing this more frequently though. Scott's tips were also great. He talks about things (or from the angles) I haven't heard no one else talking. I'm greatful for accidentally finding this channel some time ago. ❤

[@margo5919]

I once read that if we were to throw all our problems in a pile and had to choose, we would choose our own again. All I can say is life gets mighty precious when there’s less of it to waste. I do forget sometimes though. Especially when things feel hard. I appreciate your techniques and find the one where I imagine my life without something/someone to be helpful also .

[@donnnaread6947]

Dr .Scott I ve bought your book ' For When Everything is Burning' I m crying already, Thank you so much , you really know when what are feeling , love Donna from England x

[@aadmi67]

Did it help?

[@rhianndarroch4228]

My psychiatrist asks me to write down 5 grateful things every day. I don't always do it, but I think about them. I am grateful I came across your channel ❤😊 and listened to your videos when I'm not feeling so good ❤ Thanks Dr Scott your awesome x

[@k22kk22k]

I tried these techniques, especially #1 and #2, and these WORKED. However, it was very counter-intuitive so let me share the experience. In the last session of gratitude journaling, I noticed I took 'Great power comes with great responsibility' mindset so far that I never feel the positive side of having privileges. Because of having something other don't have, I am too inclined to use them for something good. This results to immense pressure not to misuse or under-utilize, negating the feeling of being privileged almost completely. I decided to dismiss this idea, at least temporarily, to allow me to feel the positivity. This... feeled so great. I now feel OK to have what I have and somewhat grateful for that. I realized I need to be 'suboptimal' to be happy or mentally healthy. Hope someone finds this helpful.

[@margo5919]

Presence ✨

[@sarahengland1843]

Potentially giving up a cherished memory forever is the risk you take when you have ECT. And no one pays you for the memories you lose.

[@love-wisdom]

I am grateful to have found you and your content.

[@andrewbraidwood6918]

This is the best advice I have found to this date...on you tube. Well done Sir. You are making a difference.

[@mudskipper6702]

as a bipolar i find gratitude one of my best resources....thanks for shairng this

[@MaryKayRanger]

Absolutely! Everything we have is special 💙

[@25070410]

I am grateful that I found your channel on KZbin. You are the best counsellor I have come across. You describe the feelings and experiences spot on 🎯

[@saintejeannedarc9460]

I don't know if it would help me to think this much about it. Some days I go through the motions and the gratitude doesn't touch me as much. Other times it does. I think it still helps to state things. To make yourself conscious of what you have, and it does help you not to take things for granted so much. I don't have great health or energy. That's a continuing challenge that I deal w/ better some days than others. That's when I have to do what I call looking down. If I'm struggling yet again w/ irritable bowel, I know someone an ostomy bag, who just had his colon removed. Well, I don't have that, and I'm definitely grateful for that, is a recent example.

[@cindyhalpern3187]

Actually my both brothers couldn't walk. They had Muscular Dystrophy. I felt guilty walking when they couldn't.

[@jomckee4447]

I ddont remember the last time i read to my son when he was a child. 'Little Turtles Big Adventure ' was one that I was asked to read so many times that, through boredom, I would change some of the words, like 'Little Turdal'. Sam did not like that. 'Mum mum, read it properly'. I will never have those precious moments again with my son, and it really really hurts. I love that person with all my heart. He is gone now

[@GotUpLateWithMoon]

Love your content. Thank you so much for explaining exactly what I need to hear! Hope more people will discover your channel and resonate with your way of thinking. They are very helpful to me at least!

[@mahalalettvin7675]

I have immersed myself in your content for the last few days and it is unbelievably helpful. truly and genuinely thank you so much for putting all this info out to us lost in the darkness. Also, on a lighter note, I find it so funny that when I Google your name to find out more about you, the most commonly searched/ suggested search for me was "Dr scott eilers wife" "who is Dr. scott eilers wife" "when did Dr. scott eilers marry his current wife?" lol, let this man live happily with his family!

[@lisaoutinen8692]

I think this is me. And I always feel bad about it. But i just can’t feel grateful. Looking forward to this one.

[@german102302]

Again a huge miss. It doesn't work during depression. That's maybe fitting for some kind of the pre-depression states

[@Kev1972]

Thinking of when my parents will die will exacerbate my anxiety and depression. I make sure I connect with them to reiterate my gratitude for taking care of me, especially for those times I spiral downward.

[@user-df9wp2sf7j]

Dear Dr. Scott, yes, you DO have international audience! You mentioned you felt as if restricted to just audience from US or a few other English speaking countries. But that’s already not true! Moreover, though I have been struggling with depression and anxiety, and I find your ideas and techniques most helpful and encouraging, I also find a special exquisite pleasure in listening to your speech. As a philologist I am also grateful (and have been feeling it) for the way you present your ideas and for the casual though beautiful and clear language you are using. You are a wonderful presenter as well as a unique therapist. God bless you! I didn’t have the opportunity to listen to you before, now I have it. And this is a new precious thing I have had for just a few days, so I have experienced the kind of naturally born gratitude you are describing in this video. I will surely use the techniques you mentioned in this video, as I already tried to do so while listening to you, and I must say they work immediately. For a person like me who found it difficult to get up and wash my face or have a meal a few weeks ago it’s tremendous support. Probably, a set of techniques that will help me produce those hormones I lack to collect resource and become motivated again. Thank you, dear Doctor!

[@alexiswinter6948]

I very much connected with the gratitude through guilt technique. I heard what every kid from the late 50s/early 60s heard - eat everything on your plate because children are starving in China. The first time I heard that I slid all the food off my plate into the Goodwill donation bag. I was 4.

[@submetropolis]

Great suggestions. I sadly am annoyed by most of the things in my life and wouldn't miss 99% of my material belongings and if I stop talking to someone and they don't reach out I don't miss them either. My ADHD is so extreme that I'll forget I have things that I should appreciate. If my house burned down, I could replace it all and wouldn't remember what I lost.

[@MaryBethPetra]

Grateful for gratitude.

[@nualamcauley2868]

Dr Scott you make gratitude a very special gift. Thank you, my gratefulness has taken a completely different route and I’m so grateful to you for an inner contentment I didn’t have. There is much more light in my life now. Amen .

[@solitary1110]

I think that simply saying "thank you (for this thing/person/experience/etc.)" out loud is helpful, too. It doesn't matter whether you're thanking God, the universe, nature, or just yourself--saying "Thank You!" can bring feelings of joy and gratitude.

[@ruthanneluvsvacuuming6653]

That would make me feel horrifically horrible to think I have something nobody else has and I don’t have enough to share with everybody who wants it I’m the opposite If my mom gets me something special to eat for my birthday and my son is here I feel bad about it if there’s not enough to share with him I’m extremely grateful for it but feel bad for others at the same time

[@sutergirlify]

So glad you pointed this out! I love Dr. Scott and his many helpful insights but the first tip on here is just plain weird to me. My first thought was how GUILTY I'd feel if I could walk and nobody else could. And a number of other examples, I'd feel awful to know everyone else was lacking whatever resource that only I possessed.

[@ruthanneluvsvacuuming6653]

@@sutergirlify I don’t know about you but I would feel overwhelmed, like I would have to help everyone myself and I have a feeling that you would feel like you had to help others too if you were able to do something or had something nobody else had

[@aditisingh3389]

Could you please please talk about how to deal with things that make you anxious and that ending up in paralyzing you and not being able to work

[@pauljorgedizon3828]

When your life began in scarcity, everything you have at present feels special.

[@slimsonite2111]

As usual, your perspective and how you explain is SO helpful. Thank you Dr. Hot, I mean Dr. Scott 🫢😉😁

[@amybrock1517]

This made me cry so much. I’m so happy I heard this today

[@sharonb519]

You my dear, are my spirit animal. 💕 I am so grateful I found your channel.

[@jomckee4447]

If i was the only person in the world that had a certain thing, i would be so paronoid that it would get stolen. Id also feel a huge amount of guilt, like your walking and wheelchair example. This would bring me huge guilt and self consciousness. 'MEN, BUILD A CRIPLETRON!'. Family Guy. Hehe, this just came to my brain. However, your words help me immensely and i love listening to you 💚

[@matsuokaemily]

This is so helpful and detailed, thank you!

[@mirandaziazan3405]

Brilliant, helped me form a brand new mindset. Thank you so much for your videos, they always make so much sense and help me foster self compassion, which doesn't come naturally!

[@Victoria_Winters]

Thank you!

[@jomckee4447]

I have listened to your podcasts many times over. This one tonight, while I was at work, made me so very, very sad. I brought up my son pretty much by myself, with great help from my mum. I used to get so tired of being a mum as my boy was always around me. I had no days off. I loved him with all my heart and tried to do the best that I could for him, but this was really, really hard. This was a decade before I admitted I had lifelong depression and got meds for it. Last year, my son, at age 32, took his life. This topic of gratitude tears at my soul. I didn't, couldn't appreciate the time I had with my young boy. I hated myself and the world. I was without the tools to give my son the inner strength he needed to survive this f**ked up world. I miss him so terribly much. I miss my beautiful, kind, intelligent adult son, but more so, I miss the innocent little boy I was blessed with. I am so very, very sad. I want my little boy back so I can make things better for him. 💚😥

[@cindyd8177]

Oh so sorry.

[@jomckee4447]

@@cindyd8177 Thank you 💚

[@friendofafriend2066]

This will be so helpful. I'll try these. Thanks!

[@CJG1419]

Parents often want their young children to act happy when they receive gifts for Christmas or birthdays but they’re often overwhelmed by the number of things they get. Yes they should learn to say “thank you” but shouldn’t be shamed for not acting thrilled over everything.

[@betty27246]

Thk you that was nice and a good reminder of the special things in my life

[@commoneuropeanstarling]

I remember a therapist gave me homework and told me to write 5 things that I was grateful for. I just couldn't as I was so distraught about stuff. So thanks for this post

[@sammm51773]

Reminds me of the movie "It's a Wonderful Life".

[@sheripingel490]

Thanks for the wisdom of the day 🙂❤

[@yajy4501]

Gratitude is like guilt. It’s good when appropriate, but leads to complacency if it’s felt all the time.

[@amandamitchell8894]

This was such an Apropriate video for Me!! I always think/know I should feel Gratitude, but I just don't! Then I feel guilty or angry at myself. But I do have moments of gratitude, so pleased you didn't mention a "Gratitude Journal" 😂, I was given one a few years ago, and I've not used it yet. But I can appreciate it's beneficial for some people. 💙🌹💜🦄

[@leilat.3237]

Dr. Scott, thanks for another amazing video❤ I usually watch during my lunch break at work, and I imagine myself as this would be my last day of work…and I a enormous feeling of relief hit me😂!…please don’t get me wrong, I really understood the message you tried to share, however, it makes me realize how much my job is not matching my feelings. Unfortunately the bills don’t stop and I don’t have enough savings to just quit and search for another one, so I keep dragging myself everyday…it is a horrible feeling…but hopefully someday I’ll get over it….

[@1birdlove]

Wow Dr. Scott, they are all great and I took notes but, number 5 is so powerful for me. What if this is the last time you were doing this? I have also included what if this is the last time I am seeing this? I am hearing this? I am tasting this? I am experiencing this? Thank you so much for this video and for all you do. This was very very helpful, thank you so much!❤

[@lisaoutinen8692]

Oh I really like the value one!

[@lisaoutinen8692]

I just realized how grateful I am that I stumbled upon your channel. ❤

[@user-wm2fv3sp3x]

I know I digress here. I remember a true story about someone, a young woman in her twenties who is in a wheelchair due to an accident who wants to dance. She tells people this wish all the time, and people say to her that this is impossible and is just a dream of hers. And her reply to them is, "You have two legs, can you dance?" To cut a long story short, some family members and friends manage to put some kind of wires on a stage for her. Ans she in her wheelchair just glides on these wires and have the free movement that she can enjoy and is as close to dancing as she could ever have. Just when I am reminding myself about being grateful that I have two functioning legs, this true story inevitably pops into my mind. And yes, I am the person who always says, "I do not know how to dance." And I do not dance.

[@esthermaggard8682]

I most certainly am not grateful enough for my sisters and my mom and my dog max , thank you Jesus for them ❤❤❤ I’m beyond blessed even though a lot of times I feel like I’ve been cheated because my children and grandchildren aren’t on speaking terms with me anymore but I do have more than so many other people!!!! Thanks Scott for reminding me of that !!!

[@scotscub76]

Okay that's it I'm getting your book 😂

[@bjft12]

Gosh, I would hate to be the only one. I would feel like an outcast. I would be sad.

[@user-wm2fv3sp3x]

I am grateful for freedom of speech and democracy in this country.

[@khattabsongs7906]

❤❤

[@mohammedanas9788]

❤

[@evadebruijn]

❤️✌️

[@michaelboyle5805]

I don't understand the feeling of gratitude, does it make you feel all warm inside?

[@Chickypoo69]

Less is more!!

[@kaycee5031]

The only thing I have any extra of is debt

[@blondefisk]

Would join if i could afford

[@_cr8ive_]

So besides Creed Aventus , which other 4 do you have? Lol 😂😂

[@DrScottEilers]

Actually I got sick of Aventus 😂 I have: Amouage Reflection Tom Ford Oud Wood Parfums de Marly Herod Chanel Allure Homme Sport Eau Extreme Tom Ford Noir Extreme

[@_cr8ive_]

@@DrScottEilers Tops 👌🏻 . . . yes to many wearing Aventus at events....I hear you. 👍🏻

[@soniafernandezrodino5271]

ONLY have 5 fragances 😂😂😂

[@kagankagan3986]

The first thought excercise wasn't really convincing. If you were the only therapist or the only person who could walk or the only one who has children; that would be totally different. Bcuz everyone will be talking about you, they would like to be around you, they would respect you, they would pay you a lot of money, your life would be significantly different in a positive way. So having ordinary things or abilities isn't obviously the same as having uniuqe things. Not a well thought or constructed argument that is!

[@DrScottEilers]

If the only reason something doesn’t feel special to you is because other people don’t recognize it as special you are letting other people/society/the world in general tell you how to feel. In my experience that pathway always results in suffering ❤️

[@kagankagan3986]

@DrScottEilers yes it is the exact definition of "special" :). It has to be unique and exclusive. I don't say that I am not appreciating "to be able to walk or being a therapist or having children", I do appreciate those regardless of other people. But they won't make me special unless they are unique to me. No one can deny that being special in a society has its perks and benefits. Like being a cycylist is a great thing but being the only one in the world is a lot cooler. They won't generate the same feelings and hence are not the same which your argument claimed they are. I was referring to part only.

[@DrScottEilers]

@@kagankagan3986 But who defines what is unique? My status as a parent is not unique, but the way I parent is unique and my children are unique. My status as a therapist is not unique but the way I do therapy is unique. My status as a person with a KZbin channel is not unique but my content on KZbin is unique. The purpose of this tool is not to make you delusional about who and what you are but to help you see what already is ❤️

[@lisaoutinen8692]

Do you happen to know your MBTI type, you definitely sound like an NFJ.

[@klpuhelin2816]

I have thought the same 😂 And since he loves nature and doesn't like big cities I'd say infj. And that's probably why I love his content so much. (Btw, are you Finnish? At least your surname is. 🎉)

[@lisaoutinen8692]

@@klpuhelin2816 my dad is yes. I am thinking I as well but could be an E as he is well spoken. I am an I but kind of word stumbly.

[@klpuhelin2816]

@@lisaoutinen8692 Oh, I'm definitely more introverted type, but I have absolutely no problem with talking about anything to anyone or even to audience. It's just that I live in my head and I get tired when I'm around people. Well, greetings from your father's land! Terveisiä!

[@lisaoutinen8692]

@@klpuhelin2816 thank you. I feel the same in general. I’m just not eloquent lol.

[@amygschwind1643]

Thank you!