6 years & 2 kids later ... Q&A for our 3 year wedding anniversary! // Melanie Murphy & Thomas

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

If you’ve been watching us since our honeymoon phase days please leave a comment with green hearts! 💚💚💚 And any other questions comment and I will answer over the next two weeks as we had nearly 400 questions so I couldn’t answer even 10% of them 😭❤️

[@angelesruiz7067]

💚💚💚I’ve been watching you since before you guys started dating

[@olenagrynchuk1383]

💚💚💚

[@nessim.8252]

💚💚💚 Been here since the long-distance days

[@mati811]

💚💚💚 been here since you announced your then "boyfriend Thomas" and have just fallen in love with your relationship 😍 You two just seem to fit with each other so well and listen and take time for one another as much as possible 💚💚💚

[@ragingredhead9555]

💚💚💚💚💚💚💚

[@lilmogwaii]

Melanie looks so effortlessly gorgeous wow

[@SamarkandChan]

Agreed

[@SquishSquish]

I love how you guys protect your children's identities online! More creators should do this 💚💚💚

[@laurentweed4685]

I won't lie, when I first saw 6 years in the title I thought that can't be right. I was watching you a couple of years before you started dating Thomas. Turns out Ive been watching you for about 9 😱😂 in all serious though it's been an absolute joy watching your journey and growing up alongside it 💚

[@bettinak.4]

Same 😊

[@adriennesamantha]

Same lol

[@kvinettaf09]

that is so wild how time has flown.. i remember watching their dating vlogs and it seems like only a couple yrs ago !!

[@isabelc.m9593]

This video is the perfect example of what a real Secure attachment relationship is like! SO INSPIRING!!

[@surlespasdondine]

14 years, 2 kids, and now we are travelling a lot with them and having a blast. ❣

[@ragingredhead9555]

Baby Ren agreeing with dada when he said "it just feels nice." Fricken adorable 😊💚

[@SamWest96]

When you said you miss Thomas even though he's with you, it reminded me when our daughter was 4 days old and I, in a sleep deprived state, started stroking my husband's face like a toddler would. He asked me what I was doing and I explained that I hadn't looked at his face in 4 solid days, let alone made eye contact and it was really weird to look at him 😂 it's definitely a season! We're going to try for number 2 next year and our daughter will be 3.5 so that'll be something haha

[@TheNinjaPOW]

I don't know if this makes any sense but you two together make me feel like I'm watching my grandparents back in the day chatting

[@g.i.1004]

You fit so well, one can see that even without knowing you. I feel so at peace seeing just a functioning pair of inviduals sharing life today, there ain't that many managing it in our generation and it's always the consequence of the hard school of life on one's own beforehand.

[@ectomorph7944]

hey mel! when you said you and thomas had been together for 6.5 years i realised i’d been watching you since before then and it feels like times gone by so quickly since then!! watching you when i was 12-13 and you and thomas had just got together i remember thinking how much i wanted a relationship as rich in love as you too have, and now at 18, i finally have that! it’s been such an honour seeing you grow and having you be a part of my growing up (i’ve still got your first book which id preordered aged 12 haha!), i’m sending you thomas and the babis all the love from london ❤️❤️❤️

[@miamoose9528]

[@mikasa3092]

I don't think that I have seen any example of healthy marriage around me. To me it sounds scary to ask or seek any kind of love because I don't know how to behave / be myself around someone who might love me. But still somehow i know i would love to get married and have a family. Your videos do make me believe that ❤ it's a joy to watch you guys. Thanks for sharing your wonderful journey with us.😊💚💚💚

[@rubysewell5141]

agree, they give hope!

[@buntsofjunks]

My twins are 9 now, but you describe everything we felt when our kids were babies. Sleep deprivation is wild! I remember my first full uninterrupted sleep of 4h felt so invigorating!

[@zofiabochenska1240]

The last question (Melanie's anwser) tear me up a little. I think I was similiar in some sense, and now I'm married, and renovating our apartament soon... I wish myself from a 10 years back could see me now 😊

[@frankswarbrick7562]

The most charming and real couple on the internet. I don't know how you do it, but I love that you do.

[@petrakantorova9981]

Baby Ren hiccuping and squeking in the background is the best thing and the ultimate distraction ❤ currently sitting in the bedroom with my baby sleeping next to me and my partner is next door, doing his preparation for work tommorow. Basically, I needed to hear that this is a season ❤

[@oneyedgoat]

Dude is so much more comfortable on camera compared to when they first started making videos lol. Feels like forever ago. 💚💚💚💚

[@hannasophia18]

Your hair looks so good Melanie! My boyfriend and I are in the process of buying a house (signing next week!) and talks like this make me so excited for the future and starting a family :) love the sense of humor both of you have about this 'season' 💚💚💚

[@mythics102]

💚💚💚 you guys' relationship is so nostalgic to me because I've been watching since the beginning of mine and my fiance's relationship, and we've been together for a little over 5.5 years. we're getting married in August for our 6 year anniversary, and it's been so fun seeing you guys go through similar milestones at similar times to us :) also glad to hear you guys say marriage didn't really change your relationship at all, because people tell us it will dramatically change our relationship but we've been living together and splitting finances for years so I don't see why it would change. I love seeing you guys together and happy and I'm so happy to see your little family growing!

[@bettinak.4]

My friends' and my marriage is the same, it feels the same so don't be afraid. :) And we don't even split financies, we treat our money as family money from the beginning of our relationship.

[@ditavonlee4169]

Love the realistic outlook on things. Thank you for sharing this with us💚💚💚

[@pizza_queen8345]

I have a three year old and almost one year old, and I’ll admit I found it hard putting aside time for one on one time with my fiancé. But we have agreed that we do date nights out of the house every 2/3 weeks but then at least three evenings a week we do something at home together for example baking or doing check ins on each other mentally and do fun couple questionnaires. Feel our relationship has gotten better since making the time.

[@Oukemy]

That life-balance is a life goal... if everyone was as kind/equal/respectful as you both, the world would be a better place ❤

[@surlespasdondine]

I hated getting covid and I felt super bad for people in hospitals and people who were living alone during the pandemic. BUT I think my husband, our two kids and I were some of the only people who actually enjoyed lockdown. We are not very social and were just content being the 4 of us. My kids were 3 and 6 at the moment and it was just so nice. I do feel ashamed something about having had such a good time during lockdown, but it is what it is. It was a great opportunity for us to spend more time together.

[@ggandbb1702]

what you said about missing your partner even when they are still there in the same room, its one of the most truest statements and I often say the very same thing to people before they have kids to prepare them for that feeling xx been married 9 years and together with husband 14 years. we are pregnant with our third child and with every kid we have a period of time just like that after every birth. its totally possible to completely miss someone who is around you but the little moments of connection are harder to achieve together when you are sleep deprived and just so busy with kids. xx those periods pass and you get opportunitues to reconnect again thankfully ❤

[@blubimnotafish]

Thank you for sharing your experiences of parenthood with us! 💚 My husband and I just got married in February and are going to be trying for a baby soonish (first got our honeymoon coming up in June! :) ). I really appreciate that you show how fun and joyful parenting is/can be, even though it is hard. I think you and Thomas, despite the sleep deprivation, look really happy. And while I appreciate it is hard, I feel like a lot of social media (that I come across anyway) emphasises how hard it is without really showing how much they enjoy it as well. So thank you for the balanced perspective!

[@rosieposy8]

You are such a lovely couple. Second baby here and also tell my husband I miss him! It is a season and thanks for reminding me of that x

[@captainstefanie]

💚💚💚 I love seeing your relationship grow stronger year after year.

[@natalielehto1436]

I love you two. It's nice to see a couple who are real and in the trenches and you still love each other and respect each other ❤️

[@cath2704]

💚💚💚💚 really appreciate you two! Thank you for sharing your life with us

[@leas6447]

I remember watching your Sevilla-Diaries and being in awe of your love and Spain as a country 💚💚 I’m actually going to visit Sevilla later this year, mainly because I kept thinking how stunning it looked in your videos!

[@missloretta]

Marriage does feel nice! I love being married! Five years strong over here, also in the thick of it with kids. Loved this Q&A, relate to yall a lot.

[@bettinak.4]

Your relationship is goals! 💚💚💚 I'm married and we have a son and we feel so similar!

[@hannahjacksonayers7187]

💚 I started watching right when you got pregnant & I was about to be pregnant myself! I relate to so much of what you’ve said. I’ve got 2 under 2. My husband and I had a conversation about bed sharing with our littles and how it has affected us. It’s not easy & just like you said, it’s so weird to miss someone you spend so much time with. My two year sleeps between us & we miss that physical connection at night, but our babies will only be babies for a few years. They will only want to sneak into our room until they are 5-6 years. They will only wake from a bad dream and come knocking until they are 10-12…. We hope & pray we have a long life together which means out of 50years of marriage we only sacrificed a decade to have that connection with our children that is so fleeting! I think our intimate time is even more special & spicy because of the sacrifices we make for each other in parenthood &!how exciting it is to finally be alone…. But yes that count at the end of the year🤣 so true!!!

[@albagizal1046]

Really interesting and helpful video. Love how much you care for each other and both but 100% in so that you don't have to worry if it's an exactly 50/50 split at any one moment because it naturally turns out like that over time.

[@lollsazz]

Oh, and if you're wondering about commuting to work vs looking after a child, commuting is less stressful. You get the time to be ypurself without caring if you have a RBF, which you can't really do in front of your children for half an hour

[@salamanda11]

I love you both and your relationship so much. I started watching your videos before you started dating Thomas, and I’m so happy for you. 💚 I got married last year, and I’m going to stop taking birth control next month! Wish us luck!

[@auralit8]

Hi Melanie! 💚💚💚If you are answering more questions, could you talk more about how you were bullshitting yourself, and how you realized that's what you were doing? I'm starting to suspect I've been bullshitting myself, and I'd love to hear more about your journey! 💚

[@Bcole2022]

You guys are so encouraging 🥺 I would love to have kids one day but it is nerve racking thinking of what could change between my husband and I. I love the advice of not expecting much from each other romantically when the kiddos are young but also that there are things you can do to show love. I love your openness thank u☺️

[@istanbulbird]

I have been watching you since you started KZbin and you were at university 🥹 look at you and your gorgeous family now, so proud of you😊💚💚💚

[@mittwoch7]

The Up movie soundtrack...🥲

[@cecef824]

Wow…6 years! Congratulations! I have been watching since way before you were even dating. You lived at home and would do random videos with your sister. Time has flown by, I believe the last time I watched a video was when you were pregnant with your 1st. This is the 1st video I’ve seen on my recommended…in years. I am glad that you are so happy 🥰

[@kvinettaf09]

thomas: that's a legitimate reason to do anything, it feels nice baby in high pitched squeel: yaaaaaaaa ! that was so sweet hahah loved your discussion, and good on ya's for taking the time to do so hahaha xx

[@emel3925]

You two have such a beautiful little family 🥹

[@dhruvit2408]

Touch wood Melanie is becoming more and more beautiful 😍😍

[@Cat-pn6br]

Always my favourite videos of yours! Love all your old videos with Thomas

[@esthermorgan9395]

💚 so relatable! Prioritising your partnership while raising little people is hard work!

[@ninaninaninapina]

hahaha WHAT I would give to just have a daily commute, like you said. I currently get excited to go around the corner for food shopping on my own. So freeing being out running errands without a baby!

[@caitlinwilliams3707]

💚💚💚 I can't believe that I've been watching you for many years now! I can't wait to find that sort of strong love you have.

[@ruadhkh]

💚💚 every time you talk about wanting a fringe I think the exact same thing as Thomas lmao

[@nihalhathaway4089]

his hair looks amazing!

[@jes1630]

Loved this God bless your marriage 💚

[@apricushill]

💚💚💚 I have a two year old son and I barely watch KZbin at all anymore, but today he had a contact nap on me and I didn’t feel like working (online phone work) and thought “yeah, Melanie Murphy is what I need today!” - and your husbo is so confit and natural in the vids now too… I smile and laugh with yas and seriously enjoy your energy together. That’s comfortable not “confit” … auto correct… but will leave confit cos I’m sure soaking in some warm fat is what he needs 😂 new kind of spa treatment why not x

[@lornareilly9407]

Hey Mel!! 💚💚💚 been watching you sence I was 14, I'm 22 now!! I actually met you once, I think it might have been one of your very last meet and greets before your first pregnancy, its been really lovely to have another Irish woman to look up to over the years, can't believe I'm so near the age you were when I first started watching you haha absolute madness, I sill feel like a complete child... It's so lovely watching yourself and Thomas and the way ye are around each other, I started going out with my own fella around the same time ye got together, so your videos really felt like mirroring my feelings😊 I get so excited watching you building your family and your home, I really would love to have something like that one day with my boyfriend it really does look so fulfilling. Wanna wait till I'm about 30 tho haha wanna travel and shit first. I honestly just wanna say thank you for doing what you do, I've heard a lot of things from you that I desperately needed to hear, I've gotten laughs from you when things were tough and watching you learn and grow into who you are today through all the good and bad shit makes me think I can do it too. Bit cheesey, but sure fuck it!! 😅

[@CianBrennan]

I’m enjoying this content and also enjoying THOMAS’ HAIR!

[@CianBrennan]

Omg Thomas’ dad skills, what a Man

[@CianBrennan]

Sensible pre nup advice! (Although I’ve been told in Ireland they’re not legally binding)

[@CianBrennan]

Haha we love spending!

[@CianBrennan]

And yes you’re both super duper busyyyyy

[@CianBrennan]

Loving look at 5:16 when Thomas says he can look after himself

[@AliB2412]

Wanted to listen to it while cleaning but you both look so gorgeous, I can’t stop looking at you 😅

[@julial.r.5383]

Thank you, that was lovely (you both are, and it was inspiring). ❤

[@87Ashlee]

Loved this talk! And btw I LOVE your hair Melanie, it has so much volume 😊

[@Jack-sy8mr]

You two are so lucky Love you both 💚💚💚

[@liamodonovan6610]

You are awesome melanie love your channel didn't know you are married 3 years ye are a cute beautiful couple i wish nothing but the best for both of you for the future

[@hadassahm3016]

You look so mam-y in this video. Maybe it's the haircut or the jumper or the casual baby swapping but something feels like a pokemon evolution

[@claudiajade624]

I remember hearing that you shouldn't make Any major life decisions (changing jobs, ending relationship etc) in the first year after a baby is born. Because it is such a tough and turbulent time. I'm 8 months in and my marriage is defs not where I want it to be (in terms of a few things, but esp bickering more than we ever used to), but I am defs trying to see it as a season, and also trying to find some time for us to have alone time, yes work on communication etc. I think it's the sleep deprivation that can be the real challenge/killer. And the fact that both of u are working so hard and often getting no break/ita never enough

[@narriparri]

I'm so happy for your whole family ❤🤗

[@id3389]

You two always give me the best feels 💚

[@Samalys71]

been here even before the honeymoon days 💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚

[@magicalvelcro]

Just.. thank you for this video. I definitely needed it this morning. 💚

[@imsokeiko]

Thanks for this little catchup!

[@rebeccaconnor8253]

Yeah my husband and I have a joint account where we put everything we earn per month, then take 10% of that a month for our personal accounts which we can spend on whatever we want, makeup etc or for him music equipment etc. It works really well for us and is much easier for us then checking about personal purchases. Also I'm disabled so my husband earns more than me but we don't take that into account as it's not my fault I can't work etc. So everything is 50/50 for us 😊

[@surlespasdondine]

Interesting...we put a percentage of our incomes onto the common account and the rest is on our personal accounts, and each month each of us puts money in their savings account as well. It's important that we each have our own savings because you never know.

[@Rand22.2]

Im here since Christmas 2019🎉

[@veronikaprocklova6740]

my favourite couple ever 💚

[@lollsazz]

A 50-50 split is definitwly not always the right way. Before, I didn't mind it, but I try to save money, and my husband spends a lot of many, smaller things. That meant I was the one saving up to do big renovations. To me, that wasn't fair. Also, I still eat pretty chep (although healthy) food, while he sometimes can buy an £8 loaf of bread and toss half of it. Actions like these could easily bring our monthly spending on food to £1000...! To him, half of that isn't that big of a deal: he still can buy his doohickeys, and someone is still saving up for renovations. Also, he makes almost double of what I do. To me, that wasn't fair, especially over time, especially because I like to have savings, and didn't manage to do that with him. Being a student and working 3 jobs, I saved about £7000 a year, and I earned waaaaay less back then. Money can definitely create a power imbalance. I didn't care that much until my husband once said "you wouldn't be able to afford buying this house without me". I was pretty baffled at him thinking this way - HE wouldn't be able to buy the house without ME either, AND I had done a good half of the renovations too. It wasn't like he earned more because he worked more - I was the one working more...! So, yeah, only fair split to me was that most things that we buy together (unless they are split evenly if we ever divorce) goes from one account, where we contribute a percentage of our earnings, provided we work the same amount of time It's good when both people juat contribute their best. At some point, my husband felt it was totally fair that I do the dishes, the laundry, the vacuming, 80% of the cooking, I already do about 2/3ds of the time with our kid... and he felt it was anough that he did the occational thinhs: mowing the lawn 4 tumes a summer, fixing the car twice a year, paying the bills (as if that's a task that takes a lot of time), plumbing, electricians - those things are shorter-term, not frequent projects - nothing like the daily things that have to be done constantly, including when you're sick. I'm happy you found a balance, but many people need to discuss these things way more before marriage...!

[@blubimnotafish]

That definitely sounds like a situation where it would be much more fair to contribute in ratio to income! Feel free to ignore if you're not in the market for advice, but I think in your situation I would both contribute x% of your income to a joint account from which all bills and food come (and make sure this includes a contribution to a savings account for joint ventures), and then whatever you have left you can spend on your own discretion. So when your husband spends a tenner on bread he fancies, it can completely come out of his own pocket and not affect your joint spending... Hope you that you manage to find more balance soon together ❤

[@hadassahm3016]

💚 What do you do when your baby won't go to sleep? I was trying to get a 15 month old to sleep for nearly an hour- and she wouldn't let me sit down. My biceps were on fire

[@maja8453]

You guys are SO CUTE!!! Omg, and gorgeous like models, wow!

[@surlespasdondine]

Hey my kids are 6 and 9 and I can tell you that your sex life will go back to normal and even be better than before.❣

[@surlespasdondine]

Common expenses are paid from our common account. This way it's always fair since we pay the same amount into it every month.

[@Nicoladorablexo]

Long time viewer! Love you 💚💚💚

[@Nicoladorablexo]

Been here since the sexual liberation parties!

[@Otii]

Such a sweet video 💚

[@maleahmichelle2472]

The hiccups that started after minute 20 had me dying. Poor thing had it bad!

[@oneoftheluckyones]

Can the universe please get me a Thomas? I’m exactly like Melanie so I feel like it’s only fair 😄💚

[@rubysewell5141]

i love you two so much :,)

[@vernamckinnon129]

You're both too cute. Quickie question, after your first pregnancy, I know you suffered hair shedding issues. But after your second poddling (dark crystal ref) is it better and not an issue this round? I know from friends who had same troubles. I cannot speak as I am child free. The shedding in my house has come from our fur babies.

[@sanktaKoroleva]

Thomas is proof of what I always say: a present and active husband (partner) is worth their weight in gold. Women become overwhelmed, exhausted and bitter when ALL of the family load is on them, and it just shows on a woman's face when she's loved right!

[@yteenxo1106]

💚💚💚

[@powderandpaint14]

It's interesting that I think in a previous video you sad you have "alone time" pretty much every day but now it sounds like there's not much time for that at all. Obviously with anew baby that's very understandable, but that must be a pretty big shift I would think.

[@BCHZA]

You’re both so lovely 🥰 xx

[@selmar5161]

Studies have actually shown that women need a higher room temperature to feel comfortable because they generally have lower body heat!

[@mollyturnbaugh]

How has it already been 6 years 😮

[@susanconway111oscar]

💚💚💚💚 love to you all x

[@stephanierenee00]

Hi Mel! I was wondering how it goes to have kids while your dad lives with you? I'm in a similar boat but I think I will have a nagging feeling like the crying and loud noises will be keeping everyone up. Any advice on how you navigated that?

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

Hey! So, neither of our kids cried at night … like, at all! A bit of crying in the evening with our daughter for her first few weeks (witching hour! Usually wind pain as she got used to feeds) but never during the night because I nurse on demand and bedshare! Neither of them needed to cry out for me as I was right there. Actually my daughter would cry a little bit at first at night when I was changing her nappy as the coldness of the wipes gave her a fright so if I was doing it again I would probably invest in a wipe warmer (they sound silly but so many swear by then haha!) xxx

[@chrisrobinson8394]

Get some time in. Wait till its 30 years and kids have grown ...😂

[@surlespasdondine]

What do you mean?

[@demilynn4179]

Love this

[@caitlinwilliams3707]

Keep it warmer in the house. Women get colder than men and we shouldn't be punished for it.

[@dove.9833]

I read it as 6 kids 2 years later 🤦‍♀️😂😂

[@user-ob9tk1co8p]

💚

[@natschannelxo]

💚💚💚💚💚💚

[@brandinshaeffer8970]

My husband and I used to split all chores but his company is doing SO well now that he makes 5 x my income. When that started happening i took over all of the house work and scaled my own job back to part time. He shouldn't be bringing in $225k and have to do laundry. I love popping on my headphones and listen to a podcast while cleaning the house.

[@luisejohanna5534]

💚💚💚💚

[@gracecollinshehehe]

💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚

[@carlybailey4279]

Idk about you but I think Thomas might be wrecked 💚

[@Nidhi_Maheshwari]

🙆🌄