7 Reasons People Get Trapped In Narcissistic Relationships

[@youngblood8540]

The 8th and most important reason why we got trapped in a narcissistic relationship, is because we didn't get our heads examined by Dr. Ramani, when we first realized something was wrong.

[@twovirginiacats3753]

True that! LOL

[@michignamymichigan]

Oh, that it were.....

[@AdindaQ]

Hahaha, i was thinking the same.

[@calebkeegan3023]

Facts lol

[@calebkeegan3023]

Ty Dr Ramani ur my fav

[@Metamorphidi]

1. Guilt 2. Hope 3. Fear 4. Curiosity/Stubbornness 5. Lack of Knowledge 6. Don't want to Leave "Too Soon"/Confirming the Pattern 7. Magical Thinking

[@twovirginiacats3753]

Add to that 1) Self esteem issues, 2) biological clock ticking and you don't think you will do any better and 3) money (not enough money to fight the situation or get out). You become willing to just settle when you think it is the best you will be able to find.

[@sharonkingston2821]

❤️

[@sararichardson737]

Financial entrapment, homelessness

[@DontBeAlarmedItsJustMe]

@@twovirginiacats3753 I lived in Virginia before. I totally get the money part. I feel sorry for Virginians. Y'all have to fight for survival. Shack up just to make it... It was sad

[@dlwsport250]

@@twovirginiacats3753 PREACH! Why do I feel this way?

[@lindab6974]

If I had had the internet 25 years ago, I would have left the Narc much much earlier! I had no idea he had a personality disorder and that the relationship would never get better, only worse. Not knowing what I was dealing with kept me stuck for two decades!

[@Bunicutaintelectuala]

Dr. Ramani, your work should be propopsed for a Nobel prize for all the good that you've done by sharing all this information on narcissism.

[@housekeeping3561]

That’s it. She gets the Nobel peace prize oh I love her.

[@thatveganlesbian]

She really should. For all the harm that she's helped people to avoid by validating and educating them!

[@SpazmoticOne]

36 years married, and I just found out about this narcissistic personality last July. The last nine months of learning from you and Dr. Carter and others, has helped me immensely. I married a person who had a severely abusive childhood, and I have felt sorry for him our entire marriage. I made excuses, I for gave, I was understanding, all to the detriment of my health, both mental and physical, and my self-esteem. His job ended five years ago, and he has been collapsing slowly and steadily. I’ve been stuck on guilt and hope I think, as he goes to therapy weekly but only continues to get worse. He no longer speaks to me, just sits and glares. Thanks for your advice, I am learning to radically except in order to figure out my next steps. I’m turning all of the love and kindness and help I gave to him towards myself now. Going out and meeting new people through activities and hobbies feels great! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping us ❤️

[@azurea0587]

Good luck to you! Your situation sounds like my parents. My mom was so unhappy with my narcissistic dad, but she stayed married to him for more than 45 years. Finally, when they moved to a retirement community, my mom made the break. I never realized until discovering Dr. Ramani's channel exactly why their relationship was so miserable. Now I know--my dad was a narcissist (who had experienced trauma as a child) and my mom was a caring, empathetic person whose guilt about leaving him kept them locked unhappily together for decades.

[@SpazmoticOne]

@@azurea0587 Thank you for the good wishes, Azurea. I think there are many older folks experiencing things similar to me. I made every excuse in the book for his behavior, thinking he was depressed, he needed a special kind of therapy, or medicine, and or the next thing would help him. We have both been in therapy on and off for 15 years, and none of these psychologists ever mentioned the word narcissism. I hope that your mom is doing well, it’s amazing that she was able to make that decision after so long. Good on you for being such a supportive child🤗

[@dorenkinzi1730]

@@SpazmoticOne this is exactly what I went through for ten years. Having met him as a teen, I had no idea of the monster his childhood made out of him. I did everything in the books including fending for him while he drowned deeper into alcoholism, gambling, and womanizing. I became a codependent and enabler at the same time. 10 years later we had nothing to show off for our relationship except our two kids. We lived from hand to mouth to accommodate his addictions. I started googling each of his behaviors, desperate to find a word to attach to his character. I finally met Dr. Ramani and she's been virtually my best friend ever. I left the marriage with my kids 5 months ago, No contact. I am doing better mentally, physically, spiritually, since I forgave myself for the guilt, fear, hope, future faking, and lack of knowledge that kept me stuck for a decade. I have also learned to affirm myself more often.

[@elizabethhobson7939]

36 years, wow! Glad to hear you’re progressing. I was in pieces after 12 years with my ex so I think it’s a testament to your strength of character you’ve not only survived 36 years but you’re also able to start rebuilding yourself even inside the relationship. My ex attended therapy too, for the last year or so of our relationship - and he got worse. Very noticeably worse. I suspect that he fed his therapist a victimhood narrative that was swallowed, and he was then encouraged to exert even more control over me. For the best in the end because I needed it to be totally intolerable!

[@annademelo4689]

All the best to you ❤

[@DanielWilder-mq7nc]

It’s kind of contradictory to say that a narcissist ex admitted that to gaslighting. One of the behavior patterns of a narcissist is that they won’t admit fault on their own, and that they use gaslighting to convince you that they were never at fault. I can tell you what behavior of my narcissist ex led me to believe that I was being gaslighted though. Gaslighting is a real insidious way of manipulation- to make you believe that there is something wrong with you, that the actions/words of your narcissist weren’t really what they seemed to be. It makes you question your judgement, leading to you ignoring your instincts and senses. I swallowed all of her gaslighting for years, mostly because I wanted the relationship to work- like most people who have been the partner of a narcissist. I started realizing that something was wrong 6 months before I was discarded. It was actually this revelation that I had that led to the discard- once I started seeing through the illusion that she presented, I started to see all of her actions for what they really were, and I started to question her on everything and stood my ground on issues that I previously gave in on. We had gotten into a really bad argument. Tensions between us had been building for a few months. We had to move from our rental and find a new place to live within 2 months, in a town that was going through a surge in prices for rental properties. It was difficult finding a place to live that was within our budget, and still live in the town that had come to be our community. Between that and all of the normal logistics in moving cause a lot of minor arguments and stress between us- more than what was normal with her narcissistic and selfish behavior. We found a place, moved in and was in the process of bringing the final things over from the old place to the new place and cleaning the old place when we had gotten into an argument about something minor. All of the pent up tensions and resentment came out. During the argument, she was dismissive to me and told me that everything was my fault and if I didn’t like it then I could pack my shit and leave. I was so frustrated that I knocked her external computer monitor down (so she would face me and not continue to argue with her back turned to me). She got up and in my face and told me that I probably wanted to hit her. I said that I didn’t, I just wanted to discuss the issues. She said that if I wasn’t man enough to hit her she would give herself a black eye and call the police on me. I turned and left the room, because I knew the argument was escalating to a place that I didn’t;t want it to go. As I turned to leave the room, she jumped on me and started punching me. I told her if she was going to hit me, I would call the police. She started punching me again, so I left the room, went to the master bathroom and called the police. They came, interviewed both of us and arrested her for spousal battery. Afterwards she only blamed me for the incident and never, never acknowledged that she hit me. A week or so later, she asked me to write a letter to the DA requesting that the charges be dropped. I said that I would write a letter but that she would have to acknowledge her actions and to apologize to me first. She said that she was sorry that I felt that way. I told her that I wouldn’t write anything to the DA, and she stormed off, giving me the silent treatment for a couple of days. I knew what happened, and have a very clear recollection of the events. I’ve been punched before with closed fists, and I know what it feels like- and it doesn’t feel like a “shove”, what she insisted was what she did (her story was that she shoved me only after I shoved her, which was nonsense). I got a copy of the police report, and one of several reasons that they arrested her is because they found her knuckles red and swollen. I tried to move through this, but she kept trying to change the narrative of what happened when I was very clear on what happened. I felt crazy, but knew that I wasn’t. This led me to question everything else that she told me. Once I started realizing that most things she told me (when it came to disagreements or things that I had an issue with) were lies, and I believed the illusion that she created to trick me. That’s what the narcissist does- they present an illusion to you. Just like looking at an optical illusion, once you see that it is a trick of the eyes, you can’t look at it again without seeing the trick. Once I started seeing through her illusions, the house of cards that she built started to fall down and I slowly started to realize the type of person that she was, even though I didn’t want to believe it. I started enforcing my boundaries and that drove her crazy and caused more fights and gaslighting, which is what I believe led to her finally discarding me 6 months after her arrest. She never admitted to gaslighting me though. Even after confronting her with things from years previous that I realized she changed to make me the one at fault, she stays with her story. Even with indisputable proof, she stays with her version of events and says everyone else is wrong. Don’t expect any type of satisfaction or closure from a narcissist, because you won’t get any. You have to believe your judgment and instinct, and not tie your self-worth and self-esteem to anything that they say to you. Moreover, Catching a cheating spouse might be difficult, and knowing what local laws say you can and cannot do might be even more difficult. To simplify the process, consider hiring a private investigator to do the sleuthing for you I genuinely appreciate how incredible you are and your work! Thank you for a job well done Metaspyhub@gmail. com,,

[@wds525]

If you only knew how that resonates with me. My sociopathic ex led me to one month in psychiatric care. And I was a very happy man before her. It's like a weird form of Stockholm Syndrome. I've been in therapy for the last 5 years. That's how bad the damages were. My family and friends saw me slowly transform from a happy man with 2 sons from a previous relationship into a shadow of what I was. Everybody noticed how bad she was to me except myself. I hope you find peace. I'm still fighting. Best regards from Portugal.

[@davidJohnsonguitarguy]

The narcissistic parents had 11 children, you read that right; I wasn't willing to die for the narcissistic siblings, although I came close a couple times. I am 60 years old and it took me 55 years to wake-up and rid my life of them. My life is a lot better now as a result.

[@bunnyboo6295]

All out of 11 are narcs you sure.

[@HahaT634]

@@bunnyboo6295 my family we are 8 children , and more than 4 are cluster B that’s for sure. There’s a mix of borderline, narcs and psychopathy. Both parents are cluster B, so I can totally relate to David’s experience

[@HahaT634]

@ David Johnson it seems there’s always atleast one narc parent in households with too many children. And the chaos in these households is the template for raising more narcs

[@bunnyboo6295]

@@HahaT634 So there is likely a gene. Or could the traits be learned behavior that can be fixed? People that dated a narc sometimes start acting a little like them.

[@davidJohnsonguitarguy]

@@bunnyboo6295 I will consider the source.

[@illil1844]

Hope is the one that kept me tied for four years, and in November 2022, I stayed without hope for two months. That did it because I like looking to the future and trying to find ways to make it happen. I walked away 2.5 months ago. I now fear what will be said about me. I'm not afraid of being alone. I had curiosity that was stuck with fear and I wanted to see how bad it would get. I said "no more" to myself on New Year's eve 2023. Not because it got worse; no hope was the trick for me to get out. The trick now is to not get caught again.

[@KalleenHa]

That hope and belief that the person can change is a tough pill to swallow when it keeps on NOT happening. Especially when the person INSISTS on that help. After awhile, it’s then you realize it was all a ruse. At least that’s how it was for me. It just means you are a good person who believed in someone for a time until they proved otherwise and showed you who they really were. 😞 Sometimes it feels like such a waste of years, then again, the lessons gained are invaluable. Continued strength and healing to you. ❤️

[@purvamandlik4696]

That fear of what will be said about me - they were always saying off things about me even before the discard. Just that the way it was being said was weird. Plausible deniability. They don't directly say something bad about us. It's indefinite messaging. It may or may not change their narrative. It could be just a tone of voice, a look on the face. But it makes an impression on the listener. And that fear of what will be said about us - we have that fear because we have heard them talk badly about others to us, and subconsciously we know we will one day be judged in the same way. In that light, won't it be better to be away from such a person at the earliest? The way out is - don't react to what they may or may have not said to others. Don't over-correct yourself unnecessarily. Be the best version of yourself, at all times. Let time pass. People will see the truth and decide for themselves.

[@valeriepace3976]

Save yourself so much time and energy for the people who deserve it. They will never change.

[@merseltzer]

I know I will be spoken of badly. It doesn't matter. I will never see these people & they are damaging themselves by speaking badly. As a previous commenter said....time will pass & people will see the truth for themselves.

[@jbb222]

I hit rock bottom again and again, not thinking it could possibly get worse, but it did, which lead to a lot of guilt. That's exactly what they want, to be able to keep pushing you until you lose all sense of your values. I was younger and didn't know about narcissism, thank you for sharing your knowledge to help others from hopefully avoiding these people.

[@blee9304]

Every time I tried to break it off she would rage and cry and yell and cry... Even saying she was self harming. Yes, I felt the guilt at the same time my guilt was so overpowering that made me forgot about how abusive she was. Every time I returned, I felt like going back to a prison. Finally I am out, and of course all the accusations of how I left her time and time again making her the victim, without addressing what made me leave at the first place. Again, you cannot win.

[@ecohumanism]

It's the same with me: for a long time I thought that you should give people as many chances as it humanly possible, because maybe they still don't understand something. I didn't know that people can perceive things so differently, that they would intentionally refuse to admit their mistakes, while not caring about another person. It takes me a ling time to recover

[@costelloandlizzievolk2233]

I think sometimes I also ‘looked up to’ the narcissist, thinking they were better than me for whatever reason, so who was I to question them or want more/better…I thought I should be grateful for whatever attention I got. Now I know that’s lies. I am worthy and deserve better, and I now prioritize how they treat me over how I feel about them. ❤

[@ceceb6264]

When we went to marriage counseling, husband would behave during this time. The minute the counseling was over he went back to being a narcissist.

[@charlielew2933]

THIS.

[@dummymail7041]

I started watching your videos and got clarity as to what's going on because I thought I was going crazy like he keeps saying to me and I also went to a counselor who couldn't really help. I broke up but I am still uncomfortable with the decision. I know it's necessary so I am sticking to it now finally.. and just letting time heal everything. I'm now in the no contact phase and I watch your videos to hold on to sanity and clarity. Thank you so much Dr. Ramani for opening my eyes..

[@indraSilentMoonImaginarium]

I hear you and I am in a similar position. You Tube is the only thing that keeps me realising its not me ( sometimes) I can’t speak to many people because they tell me To pull Myself together. Because I am a yoga teacher I’m suppose to have all the tools. Nobody is armed with the tools For this abuse. The gaslighting, the drip feeding, the secrets

[@frohsmohswainaksfst]

I wish you all the power and strength to get through the heavy feelings of loneliness. I am sure you will arrive home safely with your head up high.

[@twovirginiacats3753]

@@indraSilentMoonImaginarium True! People say "just leave", "pull yourself together", "what is wrong with you?" etc. Narcs are great at what they do to other people.

[@itm4173]

I'm indebted to Dr. R. for educating me about narcissism and the devastation to those in their wake. I took a deeper dive into the topic and joined her online community. It's been invaluable in creating my "suit of armor." Upon reflection, I realize that to maintain this armor, I need to regularly tend to it. There's more recovery success and less relapse when I continue listening to this platform and engaging with other like-minded people. When the roots of abuse begin with the narcissistic family unit it's too easy to fall back into dysfunction. I adhere to the AA program's advice "keep coming back; it works."

[@catherinedubrovna7756]

I have so many helpful videos saved in my playlist by Dr. Ramani. I am very greatful for all the help I have received so far. I would have been lost in my dearest time of need when really no one understood me because I could not put all of my emotions into words and could not even formulate my problems correctly because of the confusion that comes with a narcisisstic relationship. THANK You from the bottom of my heart.

[@terrirobson9043]

I'm in trouble with this one. I'm stuck in something I don't yet understand and the answer is to stop what I'm doing. I know this. I'm not there yet. Dr Ramani your loving videos & healing course have been instrumental in helping me get to this point. When you just said what you did at the end of talking about #5 knowledge I cried. I have to let this go. I'm there in knowing, but scared because the pain is still almost unbearable. The trauma bond is fierce. I had come a long way with the narcissistic mother, (NC), but walked right into what I thought was going to be a long term relationship that took me places I lost myself in. I can see that happened because I thought I had "healed" ...the reality was I had not even begun...keep doing your beautiful work. We need you.❣️

[@purvamandlik4696]

@Terri, I grew up in a narcissistic home as a scapegoat, having no understanding of the dynamics. I wanted to get away from it, but lack of money, culture and isolation didn't let me step away. The only way out was to get married. I tried hard to ensure that the guy I marry will be a good one. But I didn't know the red flags. He showed his true colours only after i got pregnant. And again, culture doesn't allow divorce. I could not make sense of any of it, but kept pushing to build financial independence and social connection for myself and my child. Several cycles of devaluation and discard kept me in hope. Only when I saw his affairs and financial fraud, I decided to give up hope.

[@indraSilentMoonImaginarium]

You are not alone- i feel your pain cause I am in my own version too. Thank you for sharing - it seems the only way is through - I’m sending you much ❤

[@terrirobson9043]

@@indraSilentMoonImaginarium Thank you so much. It is a good feeling to know we aren't alone, yet sad to realize there are so many of us. Sometimes knowing that is my only solace tho. ❣️

[@terrirobson9043]

@@purvamandlik4696 and the giving up of hope is what will let you move toward healing. I also gave up hope quite awhile ago~~~

[@chayo4537]

What's up with the glamorization of these so-called relationships. Yuck

[@caroleshepherd4194]

Yes I stayed far too long (32years!) For all the reasons you have mentioned. Needed to be sure it was time to leave even though I really already knew the answer🙄

[@nickibuxmann7235]

I got sucked in by the love bombing in the beginning but what kept me for years was the hope. Like they had a radar to the moment I started to loose hope they would give me another piece to start the hope again. Then second was fear that I would leave to soon and it would have changed. These videos have really helped me see the gas lighting and hovering. I wasn’t aware of all the patterns of narcissism until I came across these videos

[@-Mitra-]

Seven "sins" that keep you stuck to the narcissist: 1:00 - Guilt (feeling guilty of doing smth wrong) 4:45 - Hope (that it will get better) 6:15 - Fear (of unknown/of future without usual "safe space/people"/of being alone) 9:20 - Curiosity (of what's going to happen next). Often intersects with stubborness and often fueled by hope. 11:35 - Lack of knowledge (about narcissism and other forms of abuse. It is often difficult to absorb this knowledge and to make changes afterwards). 15:05 - "Staying at the party" (because people have FOMO and don't like the idea of leaving too soon). 22:41 - Magical thinking (future-faking that if one makes a wish/doesn't do or say certain things, something will happen including changes in the narcissistic relationships).

[@mrsimo7144]

It's people like you that help the whole YT population. Thank you ❤

[@-Mitra-]

@@mrsimo7144 thank you 🤗🧡

[@mrsimo7144]

@@-Mitra- Right back at you! ❤️

[@AdindaQ]

🙏🏻

[@yukio_saito]

Thank you for making the tracklist.

[@heathercashwell1003]

Stayed a lifetime! 26 years thinking it would be better for my kids who are now grown & see our relationship for what it is and I found out he was cheating and still can’t leave. It’s so hard for me to believe that I can trust that I can make it alone. Fear guilt & the unknown is overwhelming 😢

[@carolynmetayer9701]

Yup….that’s exactly what I did, I can’t take anymore I found make pic on his phone when he knows I have his password…he’s an awful individual!

[@MegaRose1958]

That's a long time to be with someone! I was with my ex for a little over five years and I am so Thankful to be out of that Toxic mess!! I do have a PTO in place . He has violated it and I have gone back to the police precinct. I just hope he continues to stay away.

[@dianacallea3723]

Dear me, I stayed far too long: at first 20 so-called lovely years in a cult of two followed by 16 awful years of serial cheating and denial and gaslighting. But as you rightly say... I couldn't believe it: the shame, the addiction, and the fear of abandonment all supported my belief that I needed to collect data!!! Now, I am separated, at 65, trying not to feel loneliness as a source of self blame, I am managing to flourish at my own pace.... Thank you so much for your dedication to helping others heal from this emotional abuse.

[@brynnleapierce5600]

I'm now 67yo, the knowledge, insights & language I've gained started 3 years ago. Now I have such clarity because once you've gone through the sobering experience, you reach that level of understanding & can no longer “unsee” it. The process of finding the exit from what felt like the Abyss opens up a world of possibilities with a new skill set you never believed could be attained.

[@MorganaM.]

Dr. Ramani hits the jackpot again! The guilt and fear kills me in this relationship.

[@stephanieschulze179]

I remember thinking that I would not be as lonely as being with the narc for the rest of my life! My future was going to be mine & better - NOT HIS GRUMBLY BAD END. I did not know what this was but knew by experience what it was all about and came to the correct decisions on my own. Thank you for giving me the name and info for what I knew all along.

[@brynnleapierce5600]

You ask we list some of the reasons for staying at ck/trapped before I left: 1) my empathy for him 2) endless hope things would change 3) Loyalty & Love 4) lack of knowledge (then) who & what he was (my disbelief) 5) guilt for leaving him 6) not believing in myself enough, but instead my believing his lies

[@amberorm1273]

Guilt holds the person captive and shackled much more than isolation in handcuffs and leg irons ever could. The person feels guilt if he/she is not perpetually feeling guilty about one thing or another.

[@azurea0587]

#3 Fear. I'm finally learning that not having my narcissistic siblings in my life is no worse than having them in my life because they never provided the emotional support or reciprocity that I needed anyway. In fact, keeping contact with them to the bare minimum is the healthier thing to do because at least I won't be disappointed when, yet again, not only are they not there for me, but they also go out of their way to invalidate me. Is stepping away scary? Yes. But remaining in a hurtful, invalidating relationship is scarier. Sadly, I've really got nothing to lose.

[@lisbethsalander1723]

well communicated... thank you.

[@azurea0587]

@@lisbethsalander1723 I must add that it's not the best feeling realizing that your siblings might have acted at times as though they loved you (with breadcrumbing [see Dr. Ramani's video on this one] and superficial displays) but they really never did because they are all about themselves. As the youngest, I knew nothing else, so I grew up hoping this was love and searching for the signs but being continually disappointed. It's hard to accept the reality but at least now, thanks to Dr. Ramani, I know what that reality is. I'm also lucky to have the support and understanding of a loving spouse.

[@lisbethsalander1723]

@@azurea0587 OMG, I am the youngest daughter and knew nothing else. Being continually disappointed with sibling with everything interaction, at this time for practical financial reasons. Thanks for your kind reply

[@azurea0587]

@@lisbethsalander1723 we have some things in common! I'm so sorry that you, too, had narcissitic siblings. I wish you the best of luck on your journey. Thanks to Dr. Ramani for bringing people together who have shared similar abuse so they can begin to heal. I knew that what I'd experienced was wrong, but I never knew HOW wrong. I always suspected that it was ME who was doing something wrong. Seeing Dr. Ramani's videos has helped me so much and I hope it has helped you too.

[@amberinthemist7912]

I feel this is what held me in as well. The fear that I'd be worse off without them. And life has been very hard. Then covid hit and they caused a conflict and I went NC. And then my immediate family did ok during covid, so well in fact that we were in a position to help other people like neighbors and give to food banks etc. I then realized that my sibling has always needed me more than I need them. Being constantly disrespected and used was no longer something I needed to put up with.

[@TheKangaroosteve]

I stayed too long because I had my self esteem broken down

[@chayo4537]

You had none to begin with

[@franceshaggitt3104]

​@@chayo4537 I agree with this. I had none when met him as saw red flags and ignored

[@lesliekendrick742]

I left a 23 year marriage with who I felt like was a narcissist. I am now peaceful. I have so many friends. Amazing children. I never feel alone. I have no desire to date or have a relationship. That thought is frightening. But I will be okay. I still have healing to do I know. But I am much happier!! Sooooo much happier ☺️

[@kittymama9800]

Sometimes I think it IS ok to "hold grudge" on these kinda people. Like having seen who they are and unseeing it

[@marshallrobinson1019]

If you're trapped in a parental narcissistic relationship, then your perception of others will always be skewed until you're able to free yourself. It hinders personal growth and recognition of one's own narcissistic traits (inherited/learned). So... if you're consistently encountering narcissists, then it may be time to reconsider your source of advice

[@carolinechadarevian115]

All reasons are exactly what made me stay and knowledge and awareness helped me leave after 29 years ... i stayed tooo long just to make sure no regret ... thank you Dr. Ramani

[@costelloandlizzievolk2233]

Ha yep the self blame path is awful. Especially when people close to you also blame you. It’s so messed up. So grateful for this channel and this community. Thank you. ❤😊

[@michignamymichigan]

Stay, and you will be left with nothing but hope. Radical acceptance is the key to healing. 🧡

[@franceshaggitt3104]

Your right. I can't believe how nasty people can be. My ex....I left for good..and found it hard to accept he's bad news. Then my ex husband was abusive before that. I found it hard to accept how brutal he was. I had to stop going on about them in CBT. But me. How I can change. My parents and siblings narcs too...

[@celesterahma7591]

Dr. Ramani you’re amazing!!! I just heard a commercial for your Podcast and I was so happy for you!!! Your knowledge is getting OUT THERE!!!! Congratulations 🎉

[@mrsimo7144]

The odd thing is that I met the ex narc at work. She's a larger lady and I didn't look at her in that way. Then, I fell in. Got ghosted, blamed myself. Hurt more than anything. Then the passive aggressiveness, dismissive, avoidant, the pain and suffering like nothing I have EVER experienced. We split 4 times after the "I'm not putting up with that shit". She was rude to me on the phone and I called her rude. She dumped me. Days later, the stress of it all caused me to have a seizure in December. I text her to tell her. Nothing, she abandoned me. I'm still off work. Lost, but stronger but still perplexed as to how I fell for it. I thought I was the idiot but I'm not. I've read everything I could to understand the Narcissist. Even the DSM manual doctors use to identify NPD etc. To be fair. I feel sorry for her. I'll get over it. She, is stuck with this illness if you will, protecting her very fragile ego. Regardless, she's so unstable and weak. Pathetic and dumb. I'd hate my life to be anything like hers. So, I'm the winner here. Not the losser. Thanks ❤️

[@indraSilentMoonImaginarium]

I hear you- I ended up in hospital at the end of 2021 and when he found out he didn’t come and see me he just told me I was a selfish b*tch and was deserving of nothing good

[@mrsimo7144]

@@indraSilentMoonImaginarium That's disguisting behaviour. Sorry to hear that. Are you better? And are you out of contact with him? 🥰🥰

[@indraSilentMoonImaginarium]

@@mrsimo7144 I ended it in sept then I was hoovered back and discarded a month ago- only today I passed him in the street and he totally blanked me

[@mrsimo7144]

@@indraSilentMoonImaginarium Please, please stay away. I went through the cycle 4 times. Each time I was convinced that it was going to be different. You blame yourself and it's only when you wise up, you realise what a fool you've been. That's the big problem I have now. Love and light to you. And everyone else. ❤️

[@indraSilentMoonImaginarium]

@@mrsimo7144 thank you

[@runepoor4711]

Haha you got me on the curiosity one. I have a bad habit of poking at narcissists to see what kind of strange reactions I get. I am usually aware of it thought and leave when I feel I've learned what I can.

[@Omneyvdwatering]

I have been stuck for almost 50 years. I had a lot of guilt and my narcisistic mother knew it and did her best to pile on some more. Every time i had the hope that i might find the right words to explain to her how i felt (i'm also autistic) but time and time again she just "didn't seem to get it". And I had no idea that it was narcisism. Now i do. now that i have the knowledge (thank you so much!) i'm soon starting therapy to deal with the trauma that she caused my whole life.

[@jamesr1703]

Imagine being ill and in a relationship with a narcissist, who you need in order to eat everyday and they make you say to them, "Tell me you love me." You say it and they reply, "I can't hear you."

[@kathiemihindukulasuriya1538]

Lack of Knowledge was the one for me - coupled with self-blame (doubt that I deserved better, conviction that I was treated badly because I was boring, not worth spending time with unless I was doing something useful). When you don't know the patterns of behavior AND they are very different than your own, you keep trying to find a pattern based on why YOU would do something BUT that is NOT why the narcissist is doing something, so it never makes sense. Things constantly feel off balance and out of control and frighteningly unpredictable. A person who is supposed to care about you repeatedly shows up late, without a reason or apology. Rather than thinking, I don't show up late because it is unkind to make others wait, so this is unkind, you make excuses - "Oh, they're always late. It doesn't mean anything." or "If I were a better hostess, they'd get here on time. Why am I so boring?" It seems that instead of trying to analyze WHY something is happening, it is better to decide if you are OK with it and if not, talk to the person and give them a chance to work out a solution with you. If they attack you, refuse to work with you, then base your decisions on their behavior - don't tolerate behavior that makes your life worse. They don't show up on time - start without them.

[@chayo4537]

You can tolerate whatever you want it's not the why it's the if you're OK with it.

[@tictactoedias1908]

Thank you Dr Ramani ❤ Hope is definitely hollow 😢

[@MegaRose1958]

Thank you Dr. Ramani!! Your video was the first video that came to my phone when I went into hiding and stayed at a hotel after calling the Domestic hotline. I have been No Contact since June 2022. I got at PTO, filed a police report, filed a eviction notice, changed my locks once the PTO was served.

[@RobinSpeer]

Didn't really know I was in a narcissistic relationship until I started hearing the term and did some research, thank you Dr. Ramani for making these videos. For me, I had been surrounded by narcissists since I came out of the womb so all the behaviors, while deeply unsettling, were what I thought was "normal". It didn't help that I would hear cliches ("Oh all relationships are hard.") was told that I was too sensitive, playing a victim and then was encouraged to have deep conversations with the narcissists only to realize that they were feeding off of my insecurities and enjoying my unhappiness. I've accepted that I was a victim of the narcissists' abuses. Now I'm working on radical acceptance and not personalizing while finding ways to make me happy. It isn't easy.

[@tayriobravo6204]

I’m staying for the finances and insurance ONLY. I would not be able to focus on my kids as much as I do without those two things. He told me I had nowhere to go ( rant, tantrum, cursing me out), and I reminded him that I take care of all the finances, food, and adult responsibilities….so he’s stuck too 😂.

[@janmal6333]

I stayed at least 4 years too long, for financial reasons mainly. I hated my partner's sense of entitlement, his ability to avoid menial tasks without a conscience, his anger at me and things in general.I didn't know until recently when I found these oh so helpful videos that it had a name. My anger and stress at my situation was directed inwards and resulted in self harming. A situation arose where we came to a mutual decision to sell our house and I told him I wanted to go my own way. Needless to say he was abusive and insulting telling me I was damaged goods and mentally unstable and said he had had enough of me too. Leaving was scary and hard work but better than staying and I am now living alone and getting back control of my own life and I no longer feel the need to self harm.

[@HalfGodHalfDevil2018]

I just want to add that I wrote my comment before scrolling down and reading that someone else had said you deserve a Nobel Peace Price too! You are a brilliant woman.

[@costelloandlizzievolk2233]

This hits home hard. I always thought my family was my safe secure support space. Some of them are in ways, but others are not at all. It’s been a rough wake up call. Learning I’m not as incompetent as I thought and I have other real supports. Thank you ❤

[@TheLivingVision11]

Number five, this has been so huge for me. I’ve had people throw around the word narcissism when describing my marriage, but I’ve never understood what it really meant. Since listening to these videos, I have had ongoing aha moments, which are so validating. It doesn’t necessarily make it any easier, but it certainly brings clarity and strength.

[@Nimmy88JK]

I am glad to be not in any of such relationships this is a chaos that noone can need and do want to nesserserly deal with, they done change they never change no matter what and how someone is

[@sabr_sabr3]

Thanks for Sharing this beautiful knowledge, I wish this will be thought in Schools . I never knew this until some few weeks ago

[@HalfGodHalfDevil2018]

Dr Ramani, you deserve a Nobel Peace Prize! Everything you say is spot on and so deep. I'm glad to be away from my husband now and stayed so long because of every reason you addressed. I have a massive amount of respect for you, thank you.

[@PassionateFlower]

The scene from I AM Legend: Will Smith's character has a dog, his ONLY companion left after the zombie apocalypse wiped out almost the entire world population. His dog gets bitten by a zombie. Will Smith tries to save his beloved pupper Sam. But there is a LOOK on Will's face. Holding Sam in his arms, Sam's breath grows more and more rapid, RAVENOUS. HUNGRY. IT IS TOO LATE AND WILL REALIZES WITH UTTER HEARTBREAKING DEVASTATION THAT HIS SWEET DOG IS GONE FOREVER AND WILL KILL HIM IN A FEW MOMENTS AFTER THE ZOMBIE VIRUS FINISHES FUSING WITH HIS BRAIN AND NERVOUS SYSTEM. WILL ONLY HAS ONE CHOICE LEFT, LIVE OR KILL. That scene makes me cry, because just like with narcissists, in order for us to truly LIVE, our relationships with them (NO MATTER HOW MUCH WE WANT TO LOVE THEM AND BE WITH THEM AND MAKE THEM SEE THE PAIN AND ABUSE THEY CAUSED US) MUST DIE. WE MUST KILL OUR CONNECTIONS WITH THEM. THEY ARE LOST CAUSES, JUST LIKE POOR SAM THE DOG. SOMETIMES THEY ARE VERY SMART, RUTHLESS, ATTRACTIVE, WEALTHY, HARD WORKING, ATHLETIC, SUCCESSFUL, ACCOMPLISHED, POPULAR, TALENTED, CHARMING, GENEROUS PHILANTHROPISTS, FUNNY, HIGH STATUS, AMAZING CHEFS, AMAZING DECORATORS, SKILLED CRAFTSMEN. BUT THEY ARE A LOST CAUSE FOR US. THEY ARE GONERS!!!!!!!

[@chayo4537]

Who cares about all those titles and labels. 😂 you're a lost cause if you fall for it

[@brynnleapierce5600]

I'm astounding the prevalence of Narcissism that exist & yet the majority of our population is utterly blind to it⁉️ Honestly, I use to be one of them, but not anymore! I've become well knowledged on the subject & personal experience that provided my wake-up call! Once you've seen it - you can't unsee it‼️

[@LarissaSimpson]

So glad you're calling the magical thinking in the last part of the video out! Unfortunately some soulmate/twin flame communities seem to reinforce unhealthy patterns; I have heard things like "if you talk about your person to someone else, the universe can't manifest them correctly." !! While really, not checking in with people about your relationship if you are wondering about whether or not something that's happening is ok can lead someone to isolate themself in an abusive relationship. I understand that the people I check in with about people i'm dating might not always be right about them, but I have started making myself talk about it to people if I have questions.

[@costelloandlizzievolk2233]

I am totally in the mapping it out phase and seeing the patterns in my life. Hard realities for sure. Painful clarity but helpful to heal and grow stronger. Learning to radically accept and keep making healthy decisions with lots of self care accordingly. Taking little steps each day to get myself on the right path. Thank you ❤

[@pat-5262]

Hi. You hit the nail on the head e everytime I listen to you. I'm afraid. I don't want to be uncomfortable. I stayed too long I know the gaslighting I know the mind games now since you opened my eyes. I don't want to lose the family home. It makes me feel sick when I realise I have been blind for so long and so unloved for 30years. I thought maybe I could stick it out but it's killing me.

[@MD062010]

my god- i wish you had put these videos out during my first relationship. your videos are so true and I hope it can prevent people from the experience I had. Thank you for doing what you do! OMG--- i stayed almost a year too long. The last time my partner revealed themself to me-- I finally listened. Walking away wasn't easy, but looking back, I cannot imagine what would have happened had I stayed.

[@jigneshpt1]

Absolutely Dr. Ramani. Hope and curiosity seem two sides of the same coin. Fear adds to the fire of hope that something will change and curiosity will never let the hope die. Thanks for other interesting facts about Narcissistic relationships. Finally, if nothing works, a person starts believing childish beliefs like magical thinking - completely insane hopes of some magic will happen. A true guy will completely turn into madness after suffering years in Narc Relationships. A journey from guilt-hope-fear-curiosity to madness.

[@kimberlymorrison4880]

Planning my escape right now. Big blow up 5 weeks ago. We separated and I saw just what a vile person he was gonna be. I lured him back, just to get my ducks in a row. Ex. important documents which he took, moved money out of our bank accounts. He showed me the REAL self behind the mask. I'm gonna make sure I'm ready. Got my therapist behind me, thank goodness. Wish me luck.

[@Rickettsia505]

Good for you!

[@macnchessplz]

It’s a terrifying situation to realize someone you have spent time (especially significant time) living your life with doesn’t have the slightest problem seeing you completely destroyed. To the point of taking documents necessary to obtain a place to live, medical treatment, some sort of money to fill up your vehicle or buy a bus ticket. Or even simply give you a ride to a safe place or to people who will help you or give you shelter for a time until you can manage doing it on your own. The realization of that’s how little they care. They don’t do split ups well, it seems.And don’t mind you being at a serious disadvantage. I wish you all the luck in the world. To get out of this intact .

[@ΚΑΤΕΡΙΝΑΜΥΡΩΝΙΔΟΥ]

I stay tooooooo long but when I am gone there is no way to get me turning back!!!! Thank you doctor! You have helped me enormously!

[@ceceb6264]

It’s like trying to get a fat person to lose weight, if they don’t want to they won’t. The narcissist doesn’t want to change cause they don’t believe they are the problem.

[@franceshaggitt3104]

Yessss. Ex was worse. As I ended him months earlier.. but gave him last chance...lasted three WK

[@melissasymonds1523]

Not knowing for decades what you were dealing with is another major factor

[@Judyjlefebvre]

For me, it was insecurity and ill health. I was physically trapped. He had control of all finances, and me. He is why my health went south. I suffer from many autoimmune diseases because of the long term stress He put on me. 12 years until a friend stepped up. I didn't feel the least bit guilty leaving that controlling narcissistic alcoholic jerk even though he did all he could to try to make me feel guilty. I emotionally left years before...so to physically leave was just what was needed, and I only look back now in gratitude to be GONE from him. I now have HOPE in a cure for scleroderma..

[@JJ-mh4xd]

Well said Dr Ramani you are such a wonderful person thank you for this video because I didn't know that all of this was a thing. I was very confused about my ex boyfriend. He was a malignant narcissist and became very abusive and aggressive! My friends were relentless and constantly saying that I needed to leave. I stayed way too long probably 10 years to long my friends said I would regret staying. The day he gave realy violent and i said to myself that he was going to knock my teeth out, I put a plan into place and I left Exactly one year after that! I have NEVER REGRETTED IT!! I stayed 13 years and most of it awful. I left 2 years ago and I still have problems with it! Thank you Dr Ramani.

[@BrendaBaBoom]

8. Not willing to accept the fact that the relationship was a lost cause and total waste of time.

[@jomassey4207]

Alot of the time "HOPE" that they will change creeps in to your mind. The best way to deal with all these nudges that make us wonder, MAYBE IF?........Is to remind yourself just how hard it was to accept and address the narcissist in the first place. How much grief they caused you. You don't have to be in a relationship to feel fulfilled. I've had relationships that have gone from great to just awful. I had a helper who stole from me, even after having such a close and caring relationship for over 3 yrs. It was a slap in my face. I still see her around and she cannot look me in the face. She has to carry her own disgust with her, forever.....she couldn't even apologize. So my trust is very low and it will take alot from others actions to help me believe in truth and trust again. I've chosen to be single until I can see how I interact with people and learn to trust. It's small steps and setting boundaries right from the start. Speaking your truth and seeing how others react. It's all about being aware and taking it slowly.

[@amandapriest9563]

Knowledge is power and those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it. I have learned so much from your channel and am so grateful.

[@gayleloreno4864]

Yes, it was lack of knowledge and I’m 70

[@100LizChristine]

I stayed till after we had kids and the fighting got worse! Very big serious disrespectful fights over very small childish things, finding anything wrong with me to complain and telling me to leave, when I left he said I could have stayed. But when I left he was even more mean than right before I left. Total of about 5/6 years. I learned that I came from a narcissistic family (mom and brother) and was used to thinking I was the cause for bad behavior when I really wasn’t.

[@erinward2983]

I was stuck for decades believing the narcissist was a sad and helpless individual. My parent “required” my care. He held me hostage as a child and teen and HAPPENNED chose to have surgery RIGHT when I was ready for college. I stayed when his mommy told me it was my responsibility. Being gaslit from an early age is confusing and one sibling still buys his lies. And after he called me a --- to my bf when I was assaulted, I still bought that he was a great parent (always a lie) and that we could talk it out. Wow that was the truth bomb of a lifetime. No talking that out. Then I had hope that he wasn’t really a narcissist and that it was safe for me to move in when I needed to leave another abusive relationship. I suffered extreme injuries, a broken spine, tailbone, pelvis. The waitlist for the domestic violence shelter was over 200 women, not including children. I can’t work. My financial means are obsolete. I came back still hoping maybe he actually cared about me. He has since lied about me abusing him or using drugs to everyone.

[@Big_Steve11]

I think one of the hardest things about being the kind of person who feels like they have to be 100% sure is that it's so hard after the break up because we're always looking for something to keep our confirmation level high and if there is anything that we learn or see that causes us to think we didn't have all the information then it casts doubt on the whole thing even if it only lowers out confidence from 100% to 98%

[@Michelleisfine]

I stayed in one particular relationship because I needed to know I had done every single thing right. In the end it paid off because I got out. I was not held hostage. A clean break was made, and the hurtful behaviour was then something I could deflect publicly.

[@rowan3946]

When I divorced my father, I literally felt the weight leave my body. I only was able to do it several years after my mother died because she got upset during previous attempts. She died at 67 from cancer after 40 years of emotional cruelty. She survived by having a good paying job, her own bank accounts, lots of friends and a separate social circle.

[@RFokus]

Thank you, dear Doctor Ramani! For your great work and engagement! You helped me to be comfortable with myself and to accept my situation. There are so many interesting things and people around us. I didnt see them while living 20 years in a constricted little world of my narcissistic husband. You seem to be the only speaker on KZbin, who understands, that to run away from the narcissist can be not possible. My ex violent malignant narcissist hovered me back 4 times!!!! We should be careful with such advices, as to run away. I was not ready for no contact and made very unthoughtful decision to break out. It's better to prepare yourself very good and break out and never come back.

[@chris8557]

33 years too long. Totally confident in leaving. But it took my entire adult life, learning what narcissistic abuse is, all my savings, and almost my entire sense of self plus the fear that my daughters would repeat my errors in the next generation.

[@khandaaverett2113]

Hi dr. Ramani, thank you for your guidence. I learn so much from your video. We are on our last draw of trying the marriage to work. Its been a good 18th years i feel the same hamster wheel feelings. Until i find your video and use your video to guidence me every day. I still have those guilt and hoping things would work out, of course. But I know in my head im doing the right thing to break the cycle. Just a lot of time heart want what the heart feels.

[@mandyturner8703]

42 years and still stuck here no where for us my daughter and i to go yet! With 7 horses and 8 cats and my dog ! Our future is unsure as he's ready to discard and will have to divide up our property ! My daughter's working full time and saving fur a deposit but house prices have sky rocketed! I realised it can't be normal how he is! Like living on a rollercoaster I'm hoping I get all my confidence etc back one day and we have a way out!

[@ForestTiefling]

omg. Magical thinking, isn't that part of the diagnostic criteria for psychosis? I mean, i WAS psychotic, but now I know why that might have happened, what the "change in stressors" was that made it surface. So many "symbols" and "metaphors" my mind was using in that state make sense NOW that I have the vocabulary, it feels very weird how suddenly a memory can "click" into place like a jigsaw piece, gaining a context that wasn't there before (because of the gap in knowledge). To quote my alter persona: I AM NOT A ROBOT! I now have an "escape plan", and have to endure a few more weeks, going no contact, and then will start looking for therapy eagerly/in earnest (maybe with the help of an online course, too, I just haven't decided which one yet). DoctorRamani, you helped me lots to see and understand what's going on, and the hard (and maybe long) path to healing will now be stepped upon. I do hope some day I can live with less or even no medication at all again.

[@WildStar2002]

I *definitely* stayed at the party too long, for most of the reasons you mentioned. Worse, I should NEVER have gone back to retrieve the coat I left at the party after leaving the first time: I got burned badly yet again. I guess I'm a slow learner! Radical acceptance is helping me to heal, though - and MUCH faster than the 1st time.

[@sylwiapro2791]

Curiosity is not worth it if you're not fully aware of narcissistic abuse! I mean it's probably addressed to no one as we're all educating ourselves here, but still felt the urge to say it. I stayed in a relationship out of curiosity, among other things (guilt, fear and all that being major factors) and I just couldn't imagine the damage it would do to me, as I had no point of reference, no knowledge. Had I known such damage was possible I would never have stayed or cared that I'd have no support if I broke up and that it felt like me against the world. There are some terrible repercussions if you don't listen to yourself, I'm talking possibly years of CPTSD trying to get your life together, struggling with your job, friends, family, self-worth, could go on. I don't get why this knowledge wasn't available earlier, why therapists and regular people deny the experience.

[@chayo4537]

The knowledge has always been available but curiousity killed the cat

[@sylwiapro2791]

@@chayo4537 in my experience it wasn't available - at least in the places where you'd expect it to be - and I asked many mental health specialists, searched on forums, etc. So yeah, maybe it was available in some niche places that I didn't know of but definitely not in places where you turn to for help. I don't see a purpose to your comment other than to gaslight me. Or maybe it was your experience - that curiosity killed the cat despite you knowing. In that case stop projecting.

[@sabahatmallick8342]

Why am I listening you so late? Damn you are so Good. Your voice is so soothing.

[@valeriepace3976]

NARC ABUSE SURVOR: I stayed for 3 years and after all the red flags went back for more (several times) after the hover and manipulation. The last straw was for me - when he attacked me twice in one night and was jailed. I definitely had to hit rock bottom in my own life (by the drunk narcissistic husbands actions) to leave. No more living in constant chaos. No more babysitting, ruining holidays, ruining my relationships with my loved ones. It took an extreme situation to not feel guilty for leaving. I had to hit rock bottom/ exhaust all options to "help" him to finally walk away and regain my life.

[@karenk2409]

I got trapped because I was very young, very Catholic and took my vow seriously (for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, etc). I definitely felt guilty for many reasons but in large part because he blamed me for everything (of course) and in the other part because I had two children -- I thought I could "take it" for their sake. Big time issue was I couldn't believe what I was experiencing -- big denial, always expecting it all to get better. Hope - big time! What a travesty of a "marriage" I endured. When I finally fled, literally for my life, I lost family members, but my "family of origin" were my most stalwart defenders. So grateful every day for peace and health.

[@aliceroberts1980]

Money that the only reason I’m 59 I’m disabled. I have heart disease I don’t have anyway of making a living.

[@lilaworley8935]

18 years total. 10 years of insanity. 5 years of knowing it's toxic. 3 marriage counselors later.... I stayed at the party too long. And I just slammed the door shut. There's no fixing this. So I'm done now. And there's no coming back from this point. I give up.

[@pamelawarner6896]

I am not good at messages and showing care in print but I would like to share the 3 As. They. Can be used for small issues as well as the big ones. Awareness acceptance action. I use them all the time three strikes and the boundary is up.😂 having said that I would not expect someone breaking free from an abuser to manage that initially. Getting out takes time or in my case just plain anger.😅

[@kokosage]

Hell no! The minute I learned what narcissism was and that they don’t change I was gone. It is what it is. When people show you who they are, believe them and act.

[@franceshaggitt3104]

Yessss. I wish I left on date one. Two year it was. Three week nc

[@franceshaggitt3104]

He called my boy a c.nt. and I took him back???????? That's how manipulation works he was so convincing me and I had no confidence. That was 2021 ..then he was back and much better then I never loved him tho. And is was toxic his moods. So Nov I chucked him out last year and then he hoovered and I gave him a chance and he was like soooo much worse.

[@roslyncerro1263]

I left after 33 years, and after my younger child had her Bachelor's Degree. Divorcing him was the kindest thing I ever did for. myself and him. My life is Divine now. Very solo. Very relaxed.❣️

[@brynnleapierce5600]

Since the Narcissistic Hoover of May 8th after a 4-month absence, I've been wanting to tell him “I want to exit”!!!!! Interestingly we are not married, have no children & live in neighboring cities 30 miles apart. This man I've known over a span of 23 yrs. restart in 2019, with many cycles of no contact of days, weeks, months (you get the picture). I've been at the University of Narcissism (studying over the past 3 of the 4 yrs. so have gained knowledge, the language & Tactics of the subject matter). Now I want to have a conversation with him to communicate “it's best for me to get out & wish him well”, however, the dread, the guilt, is postponing though I have too “I am screaming inside, my body is telling me (the truth of it all) & it has reached the point I don't wish to see him or do I care to talk to him. I haven't agreed to see him since May, but I'm running out of excuses. Oh my, it shouldn't be this complicated. I have no problem being alone (that I know how to do well, so quite comfortable with doing “alone well”.

[@Grainofsand439]

Way too long-but I didn’t see it as toxic until the discard. I’m at the point in healing where I am looking very seriously at my part in what happened. I never considered curiosity. Thank you so much.

[@CrazyLilGemini]

12 years .... still here and discovered it wasn't going to work 4 years ago but HE WILL NOT LET ME GO. He won't move out then becomes this sweet love bomby guy for weeks but absolutely nothing changes in real life. And the meaner I get the more he wants to hang on like his abandonment issuse are activated

[@lucipauline4163]

I’m still at the party…almost 21 years… keep questioning and wanting to be absolutely sure…but like you said..I don’t want any doubts when I close the door. I’ve known that answer for a long time…am mentally detached. Getting a game plan and almost ready to make the dash out the door!

[@jayleeper1512]

My parents divorced when I was 5yo and I can still remember the fights ( I am now 70 ). My father was a total narc but the courts gave him custody and he then remarried someone that was even worse than he was. My life was a total hell until I chose to run away at age 14 and live on the streets. I eventually ended up at my Mom’s to find that she was incapable of being a parent and the rest of my childhood, I spent parenting her. I felt guilty when my dad finally died because I was happy that I would finally be free of helplessly seeking his approval, which was impossible to get. I am now trying to break free of a narcissistic relationship with a person who constantly abuses me ( friends and family have begged me for years to get away because they can’t stand to see me treated this way) but I have stuck it out because I feel this person couldn’t survive without me and I realize it was because her family was so “fubar”ed and she herself was helpless. I now have begun to realize that I can’t fix her and have to save myself. Hopefully, you have given me some tools to make this happen. Thank you.

[@JCS357]

Lack of knowing what was going on. Thanks to Dr Ramani and other videos, all the lights went on. I know now it was not me going crazy. I finally could put a name to my problem.

[@indraSilentMoonImaginarium]

This is brilliant - i was gobsmacked that you touched on the magical thinking and there needs to be more done about this because I have to admit I have done all the these things to be hoovered again because the pain is so unbearable. I left in sept but was hoovered 2 mths ago but now I’ve been ghosted for a month, I’m not reaching out. Maybe if I’d stayed narc free from sept I would have least felt a bit better now. My warning signs were there 3 years ago, day one. I received so many red flags but threw myself into hope. The sex was good, amazing infact. That was the initial entrapment. I soon learnt I don’t have guilt I have hope and definitely curiosity

[@franceshaggitt3104]

Yes the sex keeps you bonded trauma wise and think they will have this with the next. It's sad

[@ReneeHersh-cd7dq]

I’ve been married to him for 53 years. I finally really feel like I could walk out. I’m 71 and so over all of his BS. My problem is that he was just diagnosed with cancer. There is NO ONE that would take care of him and I can’t afford to put him in a home. We have 3 children, all 3 are like HELL NO they aren’t going to take care of him. At this point I can’t leave and I resent it. I am mentally and physically exhausted!

[@aldenisouza2015]

What made me stay in a abusive narcissistic relationship was fear of being alone in this country and for lack of knowledge.

[@mandy6860]

I can relate to alot of this. My parents divorced when I was 16. My focus was on my ex mother in law who was a straight up narcissist. I knew her behaviour wasn't right and found it difficult to deal with her. My ex husband had been through emotional abuse and neglect as I child. I put all his behaviour down to Aspergus Syndrome as he met alot of characteristics. We divorced after 8.5 years. I was depleted and broken. I cut off all contact with my ex mother in law. However, I forgave and stayed friends with my ex husband. It's only last few months started doing research on covert narcissists that I realised he is also one and now have cut off all contact. I also see characteristics of this behaviour with my mum who has always been emotionally abusive and very demanding. I'm learning healthy boundaries with her too. People like myself who are sensitive empaths are a magnet for these people. It's only education and self healing that's helped me move on. Thank you Dr Ramani

[@ramonamoran3012]

Dr Ramani helped me to be strong enough to leave my husband who is a textbook narcissist. Now I’m going through the guilt stage and blaming myself.

[@franceshaggitt3104]

Here you. I left him . Was two years and two chances. He lost in end. Before him was with husband who was a narc. I feel guilt for being with him. Not for staying as I quit