7 Reasons why you should be Embarrassing.

[@manuel3hernandez]

This is not just an interior design channel it’s an “interior design”channel

[@victoriaoliver9958]

I love this! Great book title for if/when she writes a book: From Interior Design to "Interior Design."

[@batgirl1415]

Top tier comment

[@vanessa_byrne]

Hear, hear!! Top notch.

[@becac1655]

It's an (our) Interior design channel. Cause it's OUR interior that...Yeah..You guys got it, lol

[@audreyarsenault]

You put that sooo perfectly!!

[@audrey.wonders]

Sorry to break this to you, Caroline, but you are cool 😎

[@tasharad1]

My thought exactly

[@Joe-so6su]

I was thinking this too! Surprised to hear her say she was never cool since I've thought she was cool from the first video I saw.

[@petraburns2161]

I think Caroline is cool too but I am pretty sure my 14 year old daughter would think she is cringe. That’s because I am comfortable with what Caroline is saying but my daughter wouldn’t be (yet) 😂. But I am still going to get her to watch this because I live in hope 😅.

[@valarya]

I agree, but I think the point here is that being authentic, weird, and embarrassing is what makes someone cool 😉 🤗

[@ninamorris8793]

Cool gurl vibes totally 💯

[@sutematsu]

I can't remember where I heard this, but I've been trying to live according to "don't kill the part of you that's cringe, kill the part that cringes."

[@pianistalatina]

Love this! Thanks for sharing!

[@penelopes4231]

Taylor Swift said this ❤️

[@hanswursthorst]

I see where you want to go with this but: 'killing' any part of myself seems a bit.. cruel. The part that cringes actually just wants to keep us safe and to belong. I'd rather try to hold both of those parts in a loving way and therefore also know that I am bigger than them (including them). Shame can be seen as the feeling of distancing yourself from a part of you that you think is unlovable. Disowning it. So in that moment I can catch myself and see what I am trying to push away from myself. But now instead pushing away my protective part that cringes? I don't see that as integration.

[@Caroline_Winkler]

i dont think i totally clocked the depth of this saying before but yesssss

[@FernsCottageinthewoods]

love this so much

[@SaraMuzi]

As someone who is perpetually insecure and awkward, I find it helpful to strive to be "warm" instead of "cool". Fits me much better anyway. I get embarassed all the time but I try to voice it instead of hide it. I know it helps me to connect with others which is all I want anyway. I am getting better accepting that I feel embarassed and insecure, but I refuse to live in shame and disconnect from other people any longer. I was brought up around lots of shame and it's the biggest waste of human life

[@theshadylady1982]

People embracing their embarrassment/ awkwardness is awesome. Makes them cool in my opinion.

[@maridsil]

I was recently recalling a memory where I was having lunch with family and my mother scolded me for saying something she problably considered embarassing. I was trying to think how these situations might have rooted in me the feeling of being afraid to say what I want to say. I lead to me saying thing in low voice that people couldn't hear and understand which made me avoid talking even more. I propably can't change this feelings after so many years, decades even, but as you said I can accept them and not let them paralyze me so much and change what I do despite feeling embarassed

[@dreamscape405]

LOVE THIS ❤🥂💃Especially the "warm" vs "cool"..Agreed!!

[@saram5659]

​@@maridsilyou can change this with trauma therapy or learning / treatment for chronic shame (basically same thing) Look up Peter Levine for example

[@acaciacook]

the smile at the end was perfection. perfectly encapsulated the feeling of letting go of what people think to just follow your heart:)

[@user-zl2gf2jh1m]

Thank you. I often see people who are gen z hating millennials because of thinking we are cringe for being expressive and showing enthusiasm and emotion rather than playing it cool. Everyone being the same and quiet and conforming to a narrow standard would be boring. Thank you so much for making this video, it’s a great message

[@Aliena92]

If you ever write a book, I'll read it in a heartbeat.

[@Caroline_Winkler]

hm, noted :)

[@arteifey]

Yesss me too!

[@sunnywang7625]

And then I'll need an audiobook version narrated by Caroline too...heck make it a video series where she reads the book to us lol

[@Aliena92]

@@sunnywang7625 She could also consider doing a stand up haha

[@shareuhlin]

"shame is one of the most dangerous, most toxic poisons that you can pump through a human being." 👏👏👏👏

[@stubmaster4446]

Read Brene Brown's The Gifts of Imperfection if you liked that. It'll change your life

[@shareuhlin]

@@stubmaster4446 just added to my TBR, thank you!!

[@caseycasey1212]

Jesus....crap.

[@Caroline_Winkler]

if nothing else, i hope this is what people come away with from this video. huge thing i've been processing this year

[@kimberlyf4888]

I told my daughter that you can only be embarrassed if you agree to be embarrassed. The coolest people are the ones who are true to themselves and don't give a damn about what people think.

[@ellyr6234]

True, there are people I've seen that can genuinely laugh along and join in on the joke at their expense. I've always admired that!

[@abis4064]

Nowadays I define cool as being grounded in yourself without cynicism, and allowing others to be who they are too. Cool is sincerity, cool is kindness, cool is being open minded

[@diariesofagirlabroad]

so beautifully said!

[@anonknitter]

My husband wanted to try archery so we bought a set for the backyard. All I could think of was omg the neighbors are all gonna see us and think we are huge dorks. They did see us, and every one of them said woah, cool, that looks like so much fun. And it is!

[@reaverkai]

I wish my bf hopped in on or was supportive of my shenanigans/cringe, he teases me endlessly and I dont know anymore if we are just laughing AT me :(

[@softsophisticate]

They probably didn't dare laugh as you may have fired an arrow at them :)

[@NadiaMattson]

@@reaverkai definitely talk to him about it! If you don't feel safe or comfortable talking to him revaluate how you truly feel about the relationship, your significant other is someone you should always be able to communicate with!

[@StephenBolger]

For me cringe is sometimes a response that indicates insecurity and envy in those that feel it because they are seeing a person do something they don't have the guts to do.

[@wintermatherne2524]

Bingo

[@friederikebaum9261]

One of my favorite quotes about this topic is from Marilyn Monroe: "Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring." Yes! Let's dare to be absolutely ridiculous!

[@dancingrosebud9651]

“Shame erodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.” SAY. IT. LOUDER. FOR. THE. PEOPLE. IN. THE. BACK!!!

[@sarahb3606]

I've noticed that everyone at school who wasn't deemed cool is now cool as an adult. Teenage cringe must be character forming.

[@lilian3440]

You better write a book! I follow you for quite some time, and I honestly can say you speak with such humanity, humility and empathy that every video you put out, no matter if the topic is more lighthearted and silly or down-to-earth and compassionate like this one - it truly resonates. I find myself thinking about a point you made sometimes days after I watched a video of yours. Your words and perceptions are just motivation at its core. I salute you Caroline, and all of your efforts & Wish only good things coming your way! Just an amazing human.

[@stephallen9819]

I hope you listen to her podcast then ❤

[@Caroline_Winkler]

such a meaningful comment. thank you for this

[@jordanlp02]

This is what I couldn't put into words about how much her videos mean to me.

[@mirny1509]

I went on a cruise in the Galapagos recently, and I was talking to the receptionist about books. I went back to my room and wrote down some recommendations in a pocket book I had with me and gave it to him, which felt really embarrassing to hand it to him and watch him immediately start to read it. But later he asked for my number and now we’re planning a trip together next month 😂😅 so being “cringe” worked for me

[@vaderladyl]

Back in the day that was called "being assertive" or "being bold". Nothing cringe about it.

[@VelvetyMoon]

Good for you!!!!!

[@maxkopfraum]

haha awesome!

[@TheDyingPlant]

I tried so hard to fit in and be “cool” and I just ended up surrounded by friends i had nothing in common with and who didn’t really know me.

[@MichaelaBelle]

oooff that one hits a little too close to home 😭

[@HappyHarryX5]

Yes, me too though I knew I’d never be cool. No one truly knows me and never have so I’ve decided I will just have a party in my head and be my best friend. I know that family don’t like it when you heal and change to stand up for yourself and start being yourself for the first time ever. ❤

[@Cheesyenchilady]

Yeahhh…. Me too. I don’t have any friends in my adult life from high school. I JUST left a comment saying I didn’t regret my youth years trying to be cool, because it was part of my self discovery to the person who I am and love today at 32… but… I guess it’d be nice to have a single friend that I’ve known since high school lol

[@wintermatherne2524]

Try not to choose popular with cool. Usually the former is just vulgar and fake.

[@BrokenDarkFire]

Seeing you be cringe and very obviously trying in your early video right when you were first starting to go viral, and seeing how charming you made it look, made me braver about not hiding that I’m weird. It’s been so freeing! And for the most part, people seem to like me more now that I’m openly cringe, more joke-y, more willing to commit to the bit that is my weird little life. It’s so nice realizing that what was once was weaponized against me as a teenager, is actually now my secret to charming people as an adult.

[@Beeanieweeniee]

The coolest people are awkward but totally comfortable and confident with that

[@Caroline_Winkler]

literally we're ALL weirdos

[@mamalovesthebeach437]

Oh, shoot! I thought for sure we were going to see you dance at the end😂❤ very well presented Vlog. Your example of the three boys was excellent and a concept that I hadn’t really considered. I’ll be 70 next year and life truly is short. I’ve lost all my parents, mom dad, stepdad mother-in-law, father-in-law, actually two mother-in-law‘s and two father-in-law‘s. I had early traumatic experiences, I think that rushed me through some cringe in life. Without getting into too much, involved in a car accident, I was a motorcycle passenger, that mangled one of my legs and left it 2 inches shorter. At the age of 18 I had quickly get over using my looks to get me through things. You really have to find your shining star… What you’re good at, what you’re comfortable in. I was never the brightest or the prettiest or had the best body or athletic. But I’ve always been a nice person who easily laughed and easily connected with people. That has gotten me through some very difficult times. I think once you find your core, it’s easier to branch out and try things. The word cringe doesn’t really fit for me. I guess because I’m the first one to cringe at myself and make it very public… helps you get over the embarrassment pretty quickly. I was hoping you would quote Gertrude Stein . It was the perfect quote to end with because, especially at the end of life, you realize how much life you didn’t experience because you held back in someway. Thanks for keeping it real Caroline.❤

[@youtubeaccount2302]

That bed wetting example rocked my world. Really captures the dynamic of the whole thing.

[@atuvera9021]

Back when we were younger there wasn't social media and we were cringe and free. Now our anxieties are highten by the sheer chance of ending up in a tiktok of us making a fool of ourselves ... being seen and shared by thousands.

[@petraburns2161]

‘… we were cringe and free’ Love it! So true!

[@maxkopfraum]

thats the point, exactly. social surveillance! it happens in seconds now, and with gigantic audiences, who all crave to react. privacy is sooo important to personal development.

[@KatherineHugs]

Cringe definitely did exist pre social media. I was in highschool in the early 90s, and people were terrible to eachother and they were less worried about expressing it directly because there was no social media.

[@AMcDub0708]

The cringe lived on only in our memories (which might feel worse, but you could always pretend it never happened lol) and now it lives on permanently documented on the internet. And if your really unlucky like the Not Real Plane Lady, your cringe goes viral 😅

[@barbaralamoreaux328]

Caroline, you are so on the money with your content that it’s hard to believe that you have ever been embarrassed. I love that Caroline unapologetically brings intellect to KZbin.

[@brittanyyoung2351]

There’s this hs art teacher on TikTok that says all the time to her students, “to be cringe is to be free” and honestly it helps to think of that when you’re so in your head about the way others are perceiving you.

[@claremiller9979]

Your thoughts on cringe losing it's effect on us when it doesn't threaten us any more is very insightful. As we get older, we (usually) become aware of who we really are and want to be in the world, and that gives us a foundation from which to do those things and be that person without caring what others think.

[@Caroline_Winkler]

i often rejected this when people told me it - thinking no that doesnt have any personal reflection on my feelings about myself. but the deeper i've dug, the more i find it true!

[@larkmus1]

The part where you pointed out that striving is human really opened my eyes to how I perceive cringe. That's an incredibly kind way to think about it, and made me realize that I need to be kinder in my thoughts to others, and myself, when striving is happening.

[@shaunnarochelle]

in my 20s I got into a scene where everyone was 'striving' so hard to seem like they weren't striving. striving to be blase, passive, bordeline emotionally detached alot of the time. like you said, people absolutely lose their spirit, passion and individuality in it. great and important video

[@Darkbillhook]

Ironically, sometimes being cool happens when you stop trying to be cool. I’m 33 & I was never cool either. Bullied in school and uni, never fit in. I’m diagnosed with Asperger’s, ocd & adhd and I was always just told I’m too much. Too much, too dramatic, too weird. I tried people pleasing for a long time and it made me more anxious and less happy. I also think people can tell it’s not really me and inauthenticity never comes off well. I’ve found that the people I’m actually going to get on with find me more “cool” and likeable when I stop trying to be cool and likeable. Also, Caroline comes off as super cool to me - if I knew her I would be too intimidated to try and be her friend for sure haha 😅

[@kimberlyf4888]

People pleasing is manipulation - you do it because you are trying to control other's thoughts about you. It's not that people are turned off by the inauthenticity, they are turned off by the manipulation.

[@Darkbillhook]

@@kimberlyf4888Mine was a learnt behaviour and a survival mechanism. I was in a relationship with a sociopath when I was younger who was manipulative, controlling and extremely abusive towards me. People pleasing subconsciously became a way to try to keep myself safe. In my case, it was a learnt trauma response and part of my ptsd (according to my psychiatrist). Part of people pleasing can be construed as not wanting others to dislike or reject you, but there is no conscious desire to control the thoughts or actions of others in the same way that intention exists in manipulative behaviours (e.g gaslighting) therefore it doesn’t constitute manipulation. I suspect people pleasers are more likely to be manipulated due to their desire to please others, but that’s conjecture.

[@maxkopfraum]

î think its one of these weird triangle situations... you stop caring about cringe, you become authentic, becoming authentic makes you cool, you realise cool ppl are often just comfortably cringe, it spins and spins and spins but there is happiness at the end

[@Darkbillhook]

⁠​⁠@@maxkopfraum I think this is pretty accurate! I’m not sure I’ve ever felt the cringe / embarrassment feeling people discuss, but I’ve had plenty of people tell me I’m embarrassing. I was more trying to avoid them feeling uncomfortable i think, but at the cost of being myself. I guess their discomfort with someone acting in a way they view as “cringe” is really just their issue not mine though.

[@kimberlyf4888]

@@Darkbillhook I hear you, and am sure it was not intentional manipulation on your part at all. I am so sorry you went through that and your reaction makes total sense, we all want to feel safe - and our subconscious will do lots of things to ensure that .But, whether it's conscious manipulation or not, the receiver of it likely feels (even subconsciously) as manipulation. And, yes, there are shitty people out there who will take advantage of someone who they sense will bend to their will to please them. But, in the end, we need to realize that the only person we can control is ourselves. It seems like you are now aware of what drove your people pleasing, and that's a big step toward taking back your power and finding out who you are without trying to please others in the effort to keep yourself safe. I wish you the best.

[@kateribarry]

Wow. The whole part about 'trying' hit me a certain way. I got A's in high school without trying. Did quite well in sports and music and competitive speech. Like, I didn't know what it was like to be seen trying AT ANYTHING. This explains so much about my inability to try new things without being explicitly told to do them!

[@Kylie-Ann]

I have never needed or related to a video as much as this. My god. My entire life is limited by my fear of not fitting in, and I constantly cringe at past “infractions”. Thank you for giving me a fresh perspective.

[@kathydodge8028]

The story about the 5 year old wetting himself hit hard. Thinking about the actual underlying reason that some people in the room ridiculed him and why, conversely, his brother showed him compassion will stick with me!

[@torinsall]

When I was a kid, my grandmother said "If you never fail at anything, you haven't tried enough things". Never stop trying new things; some will fail but some will lift you to new heights. 😉 edited for typos

[@kabilanbaskaran6813]

You have no idea how wise you are!! You should definitely write a book encompassing your overall philosophy & life experiences!!!

[@lindsaymorrison7519]

That Gertude Stein quote is actually pretty great. I don't think I experienced true freedom in my life until I lived in a place that was so different from my own culture, and had its own different language that I was terrible at speaking, and realized that I was going to look stupid and weird no matter what... So i might as well have fun doing it. Learning how to laugh at myself and accept that I was going to embarrass myself regularly. Actually led me to being a lot happier and even just kinder to other humans. I wish i could day i learned how to accept that in every area of my life, but I'm definitely not there yet. Grateful to dance though.

[@AkA-sw7rl]

This kinder gardener example was just brilliant.

[@audreyarsenault]

LOOOOVE THIS!!!! I'm an artist/metalsmith. I am often drawing on public transit and hammering copper on a picnic table on the waterfront trail (I hammer outside because I don't want to bother my neighbors). When I do these things, people obviously look and maybe cringe at me. But I keep reminding myself that me doing these activities gets me closer to my goals, and makes me feel alive ❤❤❤

[@VelvetyMoon]

Those people aren't your people anyway, so who cares if they think you're cringe ❤ when it really comes down to it.

[@audreyarsenault]

@@VelvetyMoon so true!!! ❤️

[@pman2916]

"What people think of me is none of my business"😊 I had to stop caring about what people think of me...absolutely freeing💪

[@nimisty625]

ughhh.💗 i dont really know how to put this in words, but how you analysed this topic embarrassment really touched me. the more you explained your thoughts and the results of your research, the more i felt a lump in my throat increase. thank you for talking about the fact, that there is so much beneath the layer of embarassment, that should be looked at. it is so cruel, that trying to fulfill our needs for connection can be what leads to being excluded. its good to keep that in mind when seing others doing "cringe" stuff. At the end it feels best to be with WARM people anyway. 🧡🧡🧡

[@Caroline_Winkler]

this comment is super touching to me. i'm glad i'm not the only one who needed this chat

[@nimisty625]

@@Caroline_Winkler ♥️

[@cheapcooper]

here's the thing. this is what i realised. if you live authentically - if you dare - and i know how difficult it is for many, how we're conditioned by others who are fearful to do so, and share their anxiety and insecurity with us like our parents, guardians in childhood, and later literally anyone around us - BUT IF YOU DARE, you will just attract the same and you will feel accepted by people whose acceptance you feel matters. and i feel it's a universal thing in adulthood. authenticity is rare and is precious. and this is why you caroline, for instance are such a gem on this platform - expressing your personality freely, as you should - and here we are - attracted to your content and to you being true to yourself. it's just easy. it feels like if you let go, the whole world will collapse. but when you do, you realise it doesn't. and you're free, surrounded by like-minded and equally authentic people - or at least - accepting your authenticity. i dare anyone to stop wasting their life and live authentically because at the end of the day - if not done - that's what people regret the most at the end of their lives. ♡ cheerio

[@lifeiswonderful2023]

What a beautiful message! Let's embrace cringe and try to do cringy things! Hard, but worth it!

[@ComedorDelrico]

I had some recent experiences where there was *A Thing* I wanted to do, an opportunity presented itself--almost miraculously--to do exactly *The Thing,* and then I absolutely choked and did not *Do The Thing.* I've been trying to figure out whyyyy?! Sometimes there's a good reason to not act impulsively, but these were zero-risk situations. I started thinking about the phrase "don't die with your music still in you" and I realized that both these actions would've been an expression of something that is uniquely me. Something that sets me apart from the crowd. Something that most people wouldn't do. My metaphorical music. I came to the conclusion that the reason I didn't *Do The Thing* was a herd mindset. Some deep evolutionary force literally written into my DNA was telling me not to set myself apart. Not to *Do The Thing* because that's not what everyone else is doing. I was filled with a sense that if I could not learn to *Do The Thing* I was going to die an unhappy old woman, full of regret. I gave myself a stern talking to. Next time, I was going to *Do The Thing.* And you know what . . . I did! I *Did The Thing* and it felt amazing.

[@bethanyeaton9835]

I'm thinking of Kimmy singing karaoke in My Best Friend's Wedding. It started as cringe. She couldn't sing a note. But she owned her cringe and went all in. We applaud ppl who own it unapologetically. Good thoughts. Thks

[@nakitanash]

Didn't she get everyone to sing with her?

[@megchristensen7667]

okay so this is TIMELY… my roommates and i just got in an argument about popularity in college and i genuinely don’t think it is necessary or something to pay attention and it was a hard conversation to have, im glad to have a similar topic here

[@бронза.вафля.конус]

In college? No one cares about you in college lol. Are y'all in frat houses and whatnot?

[@kausha7135]

Matters in the sense of forming good career networks. Otherwise, bleh.

[@swinkamorska4854]

it needs so much confidence and inner peace to be ok with your flaws and mistakes, with embarrassing yourself. there is nothing cooler than that

[@elisenieuwe4649]

05:00 This made me realize that the problem also is that (again) society is focused on outcome, not the action or intention. Otherwise it would not be cringe unless you succeed.

[@lyrianalee5062]

I feel this. "I wanted to be cool, and I never was." Edit, and, much like Caroline, it's made me who I am. And I'm happy with myself.

[@Cheesyenchilady]

Same. Wanted to be cool SO BAD lol. I had one childhood friend that was in the “cool kids” group in hs and she’d occasionally bring me around and I was so shy and awkward hahah. But im not even mad about the time I spent trying to be cool. Very happy with who I am at 32, so wouldn’t change a thing.

[@Caroline_Winkler]

such a funny thing to look back on. what was it i even wanted??

[@fireinateacup89]

This was super cute and heartfelt... I love your "pillow talks". It's so sweet that you have younger people who ask you for advice. I love that you're doing more with your channel than just interior design. It's become a bit of a heart to heart about life, and contemplating deeper things and life philosophy and wisdom that comes over time. Here for it! Please keep it coming. ❤

[@jerrrdy]

Starting and running a business demands creativity and risk. It can become a struggling contest and you’ve got to be resilient. That takes creativity and risk, and helps put you ahead of competitors.

[@Angelgirl19]

I am so glad that I’ve passed all of that stress in life. When you reach a certain age, you’ve been there, done that and don’t give a rats ass what people think . Love it🤣

[@naanpareil]

Caroline I just got back from a biker bar on the beach and I was dancing to some fun rock songs.... and now I'm so embarrassed now that I got back to the beach house. But my bf said I was cute and he gave me a bunch of little kisses on my face. I'm still embarrassed but his love helps me feel ok about being embarrassing ❤

[@kkeungi5955]

I was bullied in culinary school so badly, I had to SWITCH CLASSES/PROFESSORS and I remember the day when I got hired at one of the best restaurants in L.A. and it was like the biggest "f you ppl who said I suck" moment of my entire life. But I hate fine dining, i hate the lack of social life, I hate the abuse and the hierarchy, and I literally burned out AND injured myself very badly on the job. I spent 5 months fighting worker's comp and penny pinching being a no fun friend/cringe failmaster, now I have like over 10K in compensation money and am going to start up my online presence as an artist. I don't consider that failure.

[@HappyHarryX5]

Wow. So much to think about. I felt second hand embarrassment when I found out what my husband was doing our whole marriage. For 6 mnths I walked around with my head down in shame. The idea of divorce was cringe and stigma for me but I’d been pushed to my limit. I’m still scared to let my personality out but know that I’m starting to embrace my uniqueness and am not going to people please ever again. I’m doing what works for me despite people thinking they know better. Instead of doubting myself I’m now starting to cringe at their disrespect of my judgment of what I’ll tolerate in my life and my dreams and goals.

[@TeeGreen222]

Proud of you! Chin up, girl!

[@HappyHarryX5]

@@TeeGreen222 Thank you. I’m making progress every day and am in a totally different headspace to what I was a year ago.

[@Cloudislandbaby]

proud of u!

[@therealminzichor3532]

I dunno if you ever even read this, yet I wanna be cringe here and take a risk by saying what I wanna say. This opened my eyes and answered many questions I had about why Its somethimes uncomfortable to even go outside. Thank you for making me see that limiting oneself just to not be an embarrasment or cringe is simply unecessary and makes this small fraction of time we spend being alive less awesome. You are super cool. Super chill and inspiring. Do your thing, be yourself and please remember that, even in the darker times. Much love from Germany

[@Sirmooshalot]

"If you don't cringe at the person you were a few years ago, you haven't been growing." I was hoping Brene Brown would come up in this spectacular video! Thank you!

[@suhseal]

I didn't get diagnosed till much later in life but turns out, I have ADHD. And it was such an acute explanation why i never ever felt like i could fit in and why i interpreted things differently than the "norm." But the cool thing about it was, I was aware at a very young age that I was not going to fit in and how much I would have to actively monitor and control myself or bend over backwards to assimilate was in no way sustainable or even humanly possible. It's not that I don't care what people think. I still get very hurt sometimes feeling like I'm not seen/heard/valued. But I also made peace decades ago at this point that I should just pursue what's true to me and there's literally no way I can people please my way into acceptance. The wonderful part is, as an adult, I found my weirdos. My observation is that many neurodivergent people are very aware of their pitfalls and awkwardness and they know what othering feelings like. And those are the people that have the most accountability to fess up and correct if they overstep and they're the most compassionate when you're not your best. I have a really wonderful group of friends now. And in terms of work, people know I'm the one they can approach to triage and figure out solutions. Cuz that same unabashedness translates to thinking outside of the box and fearlessly trying things others wouldn't. it's not so bad. And maybe worth all the heart ache when I was younger. Hail CRINGE!

[@maxkopfraum]

yess! compassion and sensitivity have to be celebrated

[@charles6762]

I guess I have overcome my fear of embarrassment I am a 75 year old guy watching this, but honestly this advice would have saved me a great deal of wasting time and doing what I thought was "cool" or at least was living up to an image Of myself I had created in my mind. That in retrospect I realize nobody but me gave a s.. about this false image I was glued to. I hope that some young people see this and take to heart what you are saying. It is the most liberating feeling to not give a crap what others think about your life decisions whether it is wardrobe or career path . Fitting in is so overrated like casual sex it leads to situations that can alter our lives in a very negative way. Good work from an old fart who should have known better.

[@insertcoyne]

As a former actor, you openly talking about the embarrassment you have to face at pivoting from being an actor and how you essentially feel perceived as an lame, cringe failure was really affirming and refreshing to hear. Thanks for sharing.

[@WhaChuUpTo]

Caroline, this hit every chord. I uploaded a video recently touting how much I'm an "uncool" motorcycle rider but this video made me realize how much I am also ironically over-leaning into the being "uncool" so I don't come off as Striving and therefore cringe... Different but also, in a way, the same protective behavior you described - driven by the need to be liked. Love how much this video inspires authenticity at the root of everything. Thank you for being authentically you.

[@Caroline_Winkler]

this is incrediblyyyy relatable

[@cassie_hart]

Loved this so much. Thank you! My kids are always calling me cringe, but I'm totally embracing that these days and hoping that they can be cringe as well. It's not cringe to be passionate about weird things, or to be yourself. It's wonderful.

[@Know_Thy_Salt]

“But this kind of thinking misses the nuance and complexities of pretty much every human person.” I found myself “feeling seen” and nodding along nearly the entire time. This was an incredibly thoughtful video, Caroline. 🙂

[@Caroline_Winkler]

i'm so happy to hear it

[@Malery]

Performance anxiety and the fear of embarrassment is a constant struggle for me. I tried an improv class hoping it would break me out of it, but it didn't budge. I'm thinking about starting a KZbin channel and changing my career. This video is very helpful. You are an inspiration!

[@colleenroberts8202]

Consistent thanks for being the "big sister" I always needed, Caroline.

[@yalazha]

Love this video idea! Stay uncool Caroline!! “Cool” is subjective. I think what is cool is when a person is passionate about an interest, or unbothered by frustrations around them. To others it may be unique expression, or someone who’s simply funny and good natured.

[@gabydorough7308]

Something that has helped me believe in myself more, and not give as many f#cks...was getting older lol. Now in my mid 30s I look back on my teenage self, and realize that the things that used to be mortifying to me, would rarely bother me today. So, when I find myself rejecting at an opportunity for fear of embarrassment, I try to think of my older self smiling and rolling her eyes at me and saying "Girl, we've been here before"...... Also, I've learned that people are self-absorbed and they aren't looking at me as close as I thought. Cheers and Relax!!!

[@gabydorough7308]

I was also an aupair (In Maryland) .. and you're right, you get to learn a lot about people, and how other families handle.. life!

[@TeeGreen222]

Just wait until you’re 62. It’s fabulous! Well, except for aches and pains 😮 But I agree, I think we start getting comfortable with ourselves in our 30s. Me and my best friend joke around all the time and say, “What makes you think people are looking at you anyway!” If they are looking, I certainly don’t care what they think. Our priorities definitely change as we get older.

[@treasureandasong]

​@@TeeGreen222definitely 💝

[@sgallant2107]

It gets progressively better as you hit 40, 50, 60, and beyond.

[@annclark4035]

Good post! I’m 72 and I can tell you that this subject applies to everyone!

[@Brandyrose111]

Cringing: Trying As someone who spent so long being too depressed to even try. Maybe striving to be cringe is what I want now. 💙✨

[@cjjyounger]

Realizing if I can find the courage to take this advice to heart, I might be okay. THANK YOU.

[@getreadywithmemamma]

Damn straight 😊😊😊😊 here’s the secret…. Everything that you want in life, everything that you crave after getting that approval for not being cringe is on the other side of the line of cringe. It’s the reward after busting through over to to the other side and here it is having felt and marinated in the cringe good and long until we owned it left and right so nobody else could roast ourselves as bad as we roasted ourselves and laughed in joy. We are so loved. We are so so so so so loved… all of us, all of the parts of us. Radically and wonderfully loved❤. 🎉🎉🎉 so, bust a move. Nobody and simply everybody is watching your one beautiful life. 😊

[@lydiastone4702]

I literally love you so much Caroline! Your KZbin videos and Podcasts have kind of started complimenting each other and I’ve been feeling very inspired to fail fast and take risks to become my best self. You’re literally a motivational speaker. Keep up the great work!

[@MindsetMattersWVic]

I always LOVE your thoughtful and interesting perspective on these topics. I recently learned that any time we feel negative feelings towards others (ie cringe as you explain) it is rooted in some sort of fear to also be that thing or embarrassment about something in ourselves. My fav quote that helps release needing to judge others is "give yourself permission to be yourself, and allow others to be different"

[@alice-g2m8t]

This could not have come at a better time! My husband and I were talking yesterday about why I tend to have a fixed mindset and at the root of it I just don’t want to embarrass myself. I’ve been avoiding embarrassment since childhood.

[@carolynchase9774]

Bravo, Lady! You nailed it once again! Your authenticity shines through any cringe and makes you so very likable. I think that’s the secret sauce we all strive for.

[@lisalasers]

Dearest Caroline-this video made this 54 year old late diagnosed autistic woman lawyer feel motivated to get back in my groove and fall in love with you (as well as your great content). You deserve all the beautiful things in life!

[@aprildawnsunshine4326]

I was struck by how similar the likability cage is to my experience with BPD and cPTSD (honestly I'm not sure they're different things.) The most defining trait is a fear and expectation of abandonment and ostracism which leads to the constant need to test relationships, because we expect you to leave so could you just go ahead and do it and stop pretending you care already. It's the likability cage on steroids.

[@PearlyTuxedowithLunaSky]

Caroline, I’m so proud of you!! I don’t know why your videos had not been popping up on my feed for such a long time ( I’ve always loved them), but watching this one today after not watching for so long easily displays so much growth, confidence, wisdom and best of all HAPPINESS!!! Love when one more smart, beautiful but insecure girl makes it! Muah! Here is your next “ cringe”…… take this entire video, word by word, and make it into a book! Seriously. I love you and yay for evolution!

[@HeatherCheddarZ]

I needed this so much. I feel like Caroline always drops a video based on what I need most at that time. I'm going back to school, just now finishing my first year, to get another bachelor's because I hated my old job and need a more technical education. I feel like a failure. People I used to be around treated me like a failure. It's unfortunate that if I want something I'll be steadfast to get what I want but at the same time I'm in absolute agony over what people will think and say about me.

[@katharinaluzia7037]

I want to scream I LOVE YOU in your face so badly! The Quote and the grin at the end just gave me the rest. You really enrichen my life! Thanks for being so darn brave Mrs. Winkler

[@esprit8832]

Along with the cat videos, this is the best use of the internet. You are an inspiration - you make my life better by making me aligned with my inner self, by making me rethink my assumptions, and by making me not feel alone. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

[@catalinaledermann]

i've realized through the years that, being authentic and true to yourself is (one of) the most inspiring and coolest thing one can do.

[@marlyketteringham3386]

One of my all time favorites lyrics from The Beatles’ Hey Jude is: “For well you know that it's a fool who plays it cool By making his world a little colder.” I’ve always felt that people who are always trying to be cool are limiting the joy in their life and I’m so glad that, for the most part, my friends and I have not been afraid to let in the warmth of joy.

[@elizabethmorales2033]

You are so right & so understanding love you ❤

[@danielle.moore.22]

Such a lovely reminder to embrace my cringe, it's what makes us human ❤ I love the way you edited The Likeability CAGE portion of the video, the highlighted book was a great visual 💕 Also, "before I'm dead under a rock" got me laughing pretty good 💀

[@TinaDenman]

Good and wise words. We judge ourselves, we judge others....it's a struggle! I always try to remind myself that people (including me) are just trying to live their best life and who am I to say what that looks like? As the saying goes (was it Mel Robbins???)....LET THEM.

[@dittedyret]

This is Gold Caroline! Love you for this. I'm 38 and I'm dealing with this today. Thanks 😘

[@Sol.Sana.]

Listen as a therapist (surprise a real person) I regularly recommend this video as exposure for clients...also watch it to make my introvert self do the same s++t I know I need to do. Clients are caught off guard..."ugh I thought it would be calm - thankfully it was kind of chaotic, but in a nice way."

[@addieasselstine]

I WANT TO FORWARD THIS TO LITERALLY EVERYONE EVER. SO GOOD.

[@KaylaDimalanta]

I re-watched this video to hype myself up before filming my first KZbin video. Thank you for embracing cringe so we can too! x

[@patriciafuchs5970]

Good stuff, being true to yourself. I’m still learning this and I’m a work in progress at 75, I can relate with the Kindergartner and the first graders, but in the long run, life happens to everyone, as we age we learn that being kind, honest and having a sense of humor goes a long way. At 75, it’s easy to do cringe, think I’ll take my Walker and dance to some tunes.

[@theresalee9392]

Yes. Caroline, you are sooo right!! People listen!! Changing your mind is okay!!!! Relationships are okay to end. Embarrassment is the trade off for a life of trouble, unhappiness, etc. I

[@helenfrankenthaler4272]

Caroline I criedlaughed at the end of your beautiful video. I really love your content and you inspire me to pursue my path, not matter how cringe my path might feel! Much love to you from Sweden 💞

[@mariakamynina4550]

Your channel is so healing in so many ways!

[@AmberSikorski-uw4gu]

First, I love your retro transitions! You’re so spot on. Thank you for sharing and being so real and YOU.

[@stephaniepaints]

Such a good video. I see so many younger people worry about cringe, and it's absolutely heartbreaking to me. I think about all the opportunities they already missed, or could miss in the future with such deep worry about shame. This life is very damn short too, and that's hard to wrap your mind around for most younger people, unless maybe they've been touched by grief at their young age. My husband died at 48 and I was 35. If we hadn't taken those "cringey" risks, we both would have never found each other and experienced such a great love. I would have never packed my bags to live by myself in Asia, or become an artist, or done even some of the unusual or failed stuff I've done that I'm still proud of. I could tell you a million stories of all the ridiculous stuff I've done so far, a lot of it was a huge fail. I know a bunch of people who pity me, or probably thing I'm cringe, and that's ok. But, I feel to fail and have people laugh at you is kind of the ultimate freedom too. As an artist I'm kind of wired to enjoy that feeling of wanting freedom from people's expectations but it has also taken work too. I think after my husband's death that was the greatest shift, I just realized that in life, when faced with the reality of it, you get two choices. You either have to choose to live, or you choose to languish and die. Nobody is living my life except me, and at the end if my husband is waiting there for me when I die, I want him to be proud that I lived as intensely as he would have expected from such a weirdo as myself ❤

[@christoffer913]

Thank you Caroline! Needed to hear this. You're awesome ❤

[@1zebraphobe]

I’ve been saving this one up, because I knew it would be so good to watch - this sort of vid is so important I wish I could make it recommended viewing for all youngsters. I love your design videos, and will always watch them, but these deep and philosophical videos really shine. Thank you - I hope the viewers who need you find you.

[@brittanyandam9883]

Wow, this video has so much deep stuff in it. There’s so many layers and good points that I know I’ll need to rewatch it several times in order to be able to process and incorporate all that applied to me. Thank you so much for what you do and literally just who you are.

[@vanessa_byrne]

Caroline, I adore you. I simply adore you. Your ideas, your sense of proportion, your point of view, your delivery. Your youness. Watch out, dear one, because you have all the earmarks of a very hot ticket. Enjoy this sweet pocket of time in the trajectory of your success.

[@kbbarton1]

Very insightful. It's not something that I have heard others addressing so this was another great video!

[@followthesun5]

Definitely resonated with this. A great reminder to not overthink but also look at what makes me cringe in others. Love your style-thanks for sharing!