7 Simple Habits of Healthy Relationships

[@chrisdigitalartist]

Hi Coach! Shifter here. Great video as always. I took down some notes for those who appreciate that. 1. To try to understand first, instead of just trying to be right. (Seek to understand) 2. To offer support first and suggestions later if and when appropriate. (People just want to feel heard and sometimes people might want to hear suggestions) 3. To ask questions instead of making assumptions. (Help me understand why you did that?) 4. To let yourself just apologize (when an apology is due) instead of justify. 5. Being able to ask for what we want instead of getting resentful when the people around us don't mind read. 6. To point out things that people are doing well instead of focusing only on the things they are not. 7. To communicate clearly instead of passive aggressively, aggressively or even not at all. (just stuffing it down and then becoming angry and resentful.) I think number 6 connected with me and I committing myself to do that more often and to work on mental filters. I know we tend to filter all the good stuff that people do and focus on the bad...so I want to filter the bad stuff more often and point out what others do well.

[@juliakristinamah]

Hey super Shifter! Love having you here.

[@chrisdigitalartist]

@@juliakristinamah Hey thanks Coach! 😊

[@treearoha]

I can't even remember what it was, but very early on in my current relationship, my boyfriend had done something unintentionally that really hurt and upset me. And instead of expressing how what he did made me feel, I became hostile towards him, and when he asked me what was wrong I got angry and reacted badly. This in turn caused him to have a defensive response to me and as soon as I recognised this it was like something switched in my brain. I realised acting like that wasn't going to solve any problems. I immediately apologised for how I was acting and explained to him what it was that was bothering me. As soon as I did that, I seen his guard drop immediately, and he went from defence mode to what can I do to make sure I never make her feel this way again. We also talked afterwards about how we both reacted to eachother affected the way issues get solved in our relationship. Of course we still aren't perfect, but I think having that realisation so early on has helped us so much. And I continue to learn more through these videos so thankyou 💜

[@kirstenvzumba9246]

Shiftet here!! Whoop-whoop!! Anyone who is considering joining but are hesitant--just DO it!! Julia and the SS have improved the quality of my life immensely!! 😁👍

[@juliakristinamah]

hey you amazing Shifter you!!

[@DKK616]

As a male that did not have good models for healthy relationships or even healthy communications, i appreciate your message and your delievery. A healthy relationship requires skills. If these skills are not utiltized then they forgotten, often falling back into old unhealthy habits that are self serving. Thank you for creating content to help remind us to always be better.

[@ChildofGod98765]

Faith in God is all I have left. I’m so ashamed and embarrassed over my situation. I lost my job as a social worker because I declined the vaccine. I declined due to my pre existing health condition (Lupus) and heart disease. I’m on a bunch of medications including blood thinners. I was denied my medical/religious exemption from Forsyth hospital. I fell like every month me and the boys are facing homelessness. Every month is a struggle. I can’t be on the streets with two young children. I’m so depressed. My husband passed away three years ago in a car accident. I miss him dearly. I’m still coping with his death. I’m a single mother with two sons both are autistic, and non verbal. I am so overwhelmed at this point in time, it’s so hard on me. I am all alone no family nor friends to help me durning my time of need. But it’s my faith in God that will carry me through. Please keep me and my children in your prayers thank you. God bless.

[@kirstenvzumba9246]

I'm so sorry that you're suffering through this incredibly difficult time. Hold on to your faith, dear sister. Of course I am praying for you--right now. 😊🙏❤❤❤❤ Nothing will happen today that you and God can't handle TOGETHER..

[@guidedbysunshine333]

Sending you love. Just remember you’re never alone. Try focusing on one little thing that makes you smile every day even if it’s a cup of coffee. Keep building that beautiful faith you have within and opening your gorgeous heart. I’m here for you 💜

[@banritongwah3166]

The Lord will guide you through,May he bless you with good health both for your sons may the Lord open the path of happiness and abundance I pray for you Amen

[@nothingnowhere2358]

After hardship comes ease. That is always true. Hang in there sister, God sees your struggle. We may be of different faiths, but I'll obviously keep you in my prayers. Sending all my love, may God grant you ease in these trying times ❤️

[@mrsbutterflyrainbows5900]

I keep you in my prayers 🙏. You are not alone

[@--jenC--]

Thank you for teaching this. I have not had good healthy relationships modeled to me while growing up and I have horrible relationships with my siblings and I have no close relationships. The relationship with my husband is also weird. I hardly talk to people anymore including my husband because I have trust issues. So this helps. Thanks.

[@linettelow]

Thanks for sharing this, Julia. It helps me better support friends going through challenges. Offering support rather than advice/solutions is a great tip. I’ll try that, along with listening and asking what they need.

[@mikejarrells431]

Thanks & good job. This is tricky. I guess there is a grey area between a toxic relationship (flight) and a healthy one (fight for it). I'm working on emotional independence. I will walk if it gets toxic. I won't settle.

[@natalief3810]

Thank you for these tips! As a fellow therapist I really admire your work, and find it helpful to share with clients. I also use them myself. Been working on “not needing to be right” for a while, and it’s paid off! Now I’m tackling communicating my needs. Signed up for your Speak and Feel Heard class to do so :) Thank you for such thoughtful content.

[@ssphtnetzero]

Oh, I wish I would’ve had someone help me with the “if they love me, they would set me up for success “that would’ve been extremely beneficial for me current and previous relationship .. that is brilliant.. this is probably one of my favorite videos.. especially with all the questions that is a struggle for me to break that stagnant conversation when they cannot regulate their emotions..: that is extremely beneficial. I wrote down many many lines.

[@vicdeth13]

Sometimes even “just asking” can land people on the receiving end of the wrath - “why should I be telling you what I want?!? If you had really loved me you would have known”, escalating things even further.

[@dayzm6708]

1# 3:24 2# 5:57 3# 10:48 4# 11:46 5# 15:07 6# 17:59 7# 22:11

[@paranoid501]

The timing of this video in my life is so on point… honestly Julia thank you so very much for this topic and guidance and guiding principles as I head into a tough situation with someone in my life. Watched this 3 times over now and still find something new to take away from this.

[@recoverywithlee2591]

Thank you Julia! You bring swift and honest words to our lives!!! Honesty with ourselves is key to navigate relationships. Often we do not communicate openly with ourselves, and therefore others. STEPS: 1. Ask yourself daily, what action will serve me today, that will serve my relationship? 2. Affirm each morning, I deserve to listen to my thoughts 3. Take action with journaling the benefits of becoming honest with yourself. BEST PRACTICES and WISHES to us all!

[@kristinsonn3204]

This video was so so helpful to me. It instantly made me look back to several arguments I've had within my relatonships and gave me a whole new insight on how to approach specific situations with my partner, family, and friends. Thank you Julia, I appreciate you sharing these tips to the world

[@goldpryce4810]

This my 4th video I watched. It has helped me tremendously, I feel good. Also started watching standup comedy, I love it and I'm more happy. Thank you

[@zeruszephuros5419]

been applying these to certain people, but they just don't intend to do the same or even help the issue when it's between two people instead it's just one people doing the work.... when we try to understand the other people but the other people isn't just cooperating...sigh

[@nothingnowhere2358]

The. Those are individuals you don't need in your life. You've tried to communicate with them, they're not willing to tango, that's a perfect place to set a boundary where you won't put effort into a relationship where everything's one-sided. *It's okay to walk away from people like that in your life*

[@erikah1974]

Thank you for your knowledge and information!!!!🙏💯

[@banritongwah3166]

Thanks for your video😊

[@juliecroteau2954]

👋 Hi everyone, I am new here. I cannot begin to tell you how grateful I am to you for all of this beautiful helpful knowledge!!! Thank you so very much ❤

[@MariaSantos-gm7ps]

Thank you

[@barbararowan8738]

Back again. Love your videos. We all need people in our lives.

[@alliyahdenei31]

This video was just what I needed today. Thank you for giving your time to make this, it’s amazing advice and insight

[@waynehendrix4806]

I thought I was a Shifter, but I did not go to taco bell today. Thanks for the content, and advice. "Serenity now!!"

[@robertduran3842]

Thank GOD for You Julia and for Bucky's (Starbuck's). Julia I soooooo luv ya an appreciate you. I laugh and at times my eyes well up an all the time open my mind to thought and different perspectives of mentally observing things. An I luv me some coffee too...my brain gets all "Fired up" my synapses, axons, neurons, dendrites, xcetera...all applaud as I intake your great info and then they applaud yet again. I know I suffer from "Caffeinism". O'well its better to be addicted to you and coffee and the other Awesome video presentations people do. Thanks.

[@daemon9737]

Great stuff as always, Julia (really enjoyed the book by the way). Thanks and keep up the excellent work!

[@kmart53179]

What would it be like to ask questions, 'get curious', instead of making assumptions. just making a note of it. Thank you

[@tonylangridge3003]

Always good solid advice thank you Julia

[@dkdawe1]

Gold right here!!! #shifter!

[@madcec12]

OMG, the STARBUCKS across from a STARBUCKS was a topic that was discussed in one of my psychology lectures at UVic.

[@lesliengo8347]

There are 2 Tim Hortons across the street near where I live and 2 husky gas stations just a block away from each other. So interesting

[@rongike]

thanks! this was really useful 😊

[@sunnydaye5942]

What about how to handle those people that do what you ask, but half assed or completely wrong? And they call it Helping you or doing what you asked. Which is not what actually happened.

[@amirsimms8866]

Hey 👋🏾 Amir from dc , thank you 😊

[@marshaharris8807]

What do you do when you ask you adult children for something you need and they just ignore you? For me asking only leads to me getting hurt.

[@chrisdimeara9951]

So... communicate your thoughts and feelings. Done. Inquire as to if the aforementioned were understood and accepted. Done. Ask if the other person is genuinely in agreement with said stated thoughts and feelings. Done. Do the same. Done. 15 years later... Being blamed for the things that were accepted and agreed to. Also... beautifully, being blamed for things they've done, while alone. Then, being blamed for things...not yet done, though of course, my fault...since they will be done. How does one reconcile such a situation? ... asking for a friend...

[@nothingnowhere2358]

If you've communicated to the best of your ability (i.e. using the tips from this video, across the entirety of the 15 years) then that's all you can do. Remember, you're not responsible for other people's emotions. Whatever issues she may have is a reflection upon herself, not you. Also, 15 years is a helluva long time. A lot can change in that period, even one's values. Which is why I mentioned the communication tips being used across the entirety of the 15 years, not just at the beginning conversation as it seems by your post. I only have a tiny glimpse; I don't have the full contextor even their side of the story. So I can't make any judgements. I can only answer based off assumptions formed in my mind to fill in the blank spaces

[@chrisdimeara9951]

@@nothingnowhere2358 I appreciate it. On a happier note, great videos. Great content. I hope you're able to reach and help, as well as inspire others in need. Safe travels friend...wherever you are.

[@lesliengo8347]

Great advice. Having healthy relationships will definitely lead to a more happier life. Off to the side, my neighbourhood has 2 Tim Hortons right across the street from each other. I wonder if it has something to do with not letting competitors take over

[@imbonnie]

Partner? How bout spouse?

[@danjohnson8138]

Relationships just keep people in your life while they wait to hurt you. Any videos or advice on how to get over wanting relationships so your less vulnerable to hurt

[@freshliving4199]

You need to be made whole again first. This way when anyone tries to hurt you you can only grow from the experience. Living life will be amazing.

[@nothingnowhere2358]

I disagree with that statement; if you close yourself off from relationships your simultaneously robbing yourself of so much joy and love. Although, yes, relationships can cause pain and heartache at times (and sometimes that may feel unbearable), you *always* get past it and grow stronger because of it. Life's broken me countless times. I've put the pieces of me back together again countless times. And I've grown stronger because of it. A great summary of what I'm talking about is in this video (please do check out their channel, it's an invaluable resource. Perhaps the videos on betrayal trauma may be of value to you) kzbin.info/www/bejne/rqLSaaiphs-qqq8 Wishing you all the best ❤️ - An Internet Stranger

[@timothystone3726]

I still gotta heal,I guess I took the cast off too soon,like a ship with no crew,a crip with no blue,A Tim with no true sense of direction, a nusense to whom himself studious making manifest who he could be because that should be who he truly is,Not raised as a fool or bully,pulling his own weight fully capable can't break a new dodge dually,When the cookie crumbles bet he get some leverage ,and a fulcrum with a pulley,cool enough to rule out the cruel world, pursuant of jewels ,weapons and tools that can make themsves kings, Septor,crown,skeptic, necklace and diamond rings.time to mourn is not breakfeast Time ,that's the other morning ,perhaps so,still relax a storm is coming 4 spoke the warning,he'd ignore it, he slept thru approximately 6 post apocalypses,r.e.m. snoring Bored with the lord of swords and hordes of scores of savages attacking like a pack of jackals on the backs of wild boars while the wild roar from the like of a liken frightening experience the likens are furious a bit curious but thru and thru blood thirsty, love worse things than a curse on a cure that corrupts purity, Relapse apps collapse but when Samsung that nun backs up the apps data quarterly.that way the door will swing that leads to a portal from Puerta Rico to Portugal, One minute at court next ya aunts porch,Then a coarse force then off ya porch ya go.Thru a worm hole Just one more soul to be met by a mob with torches and pitch forks,tectonic plates shift forward with a swift force to influence the poles position, they pivot, like tipping a canoe in an instant they switched, Now desert and red earth where our elders once fished And the wells have been under112 feet, Where our clothes were c leaned And the dishes ,and we would drop a coin in And make a wish Make a fist ,fight like a ninja Marry the busty ginger Live an adventure and be rich. Don't forget there are lords many and gods many, But there is one that can decide if anybody gonna be able to applaude any. With odds stacked against me As if i lack defense please, I was born in a hurricane, scratch that,I wasn't born I was hatched in the middle of a battle between the Apache and commanche,First step,on a twig that triggered a bent branch that was bent back and sinched with a piece hemp, With a pull back force so intense The inventors soul intent Was to make sure this hatchling went back to lower orbit Into orbit I went, But in 4 or 5 centuries I healed from my injuries. Re entered the atmosphere Battle gear,battles here enemies I'd been humbled by my loses So I return for my victory And a curse is created Every time you try to take a book of history And burn up all the pages. Alchemy,astronomy, sages and mages Mathematics and philosophy, eclipse Revisited past and future days. We are not here to labor ,a few chores view more different ways If there is the monkey ,the wizard lizard and the caged. Dispensation and ages,and onstage is change

[@BARBALLEN511]

Barbara Allen. Karmas tie tye

[@thomas4857]

I'm a sub sis slave made that way by many females an happy to have to be obedient ownr

[@Ontheside_Xx]

1st

[@freshliving4199]

1:57 to 2:17 shows me your entire mindset is wrong. We do not need genuine human connection to thrive and survive. All we truly need is a relationship with our Father. Nothing more and nothing less. This relationship is what completes us and makes us whole again. Thereafter, should a relationship with anyone on earth be added to you, it won’t matter how “bad” or “hurtful “ they are you can only grow in understanding from it. This is how you become perfected. Suffering is something to be welcomed and overcome. Without the genuine God connection, the genuine human connection will destroy you.

[@nothingnowhere2358]

God has given us the blessing of human connection. Even those who don't believe still get to experience the wonders and joys of forming bonds with like-minded humans. God is kind. God is good. God is benevolent. And God loves all of his servants.