8 Reasons INFJs Stay Single Longer Than Other Types

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@MeeCee5204 5 ай бұрын

As an INFJ, I'm very risk averse. I'm always trying to evaluate whether having the person in my life will be worth the cost. And since I don't know for sure, I always default to no.

@INFJcircle 5 ай бұрын

I understand this. We've been hurt a lot and so we count the cost pretty high I think.

@CaptainJeanLucPicard 4 ай бұрын

Exactly. Some people are not worth the risk.

@winfriedmaus 4 ай бұрын

Interesting. I'm also an INFJ according to official MBTI tests. According to tests specifically designed to determine Carl Jungian personality archetypes, on which MBTI is based, I am the Jungian "Warrior" archetype with a 30/30 match - which is anything but risk averse. Coming in second at 29/30 came "The Seeker" and "The Sage", and the Seeker is also anything but risk averse, actually the Seeker probably is even more adventurous and curious than the Warrior archetype. So it feels very strange to me to hear that you as fellow INFJ are "evaluating the cost" of having a person in your life and that you default to no - this is not me, at least not when I feel true attraction. All my relationships, without exception, were based on a very specific feeling that I had when I met the person for the very first time; it happens very rarely and it's also not a guarantee that it will result in an actual relationship. You could call this love at first sight, if you will, even though it's not a feeling of love - it's KNOWING that this person/woman WILL play an important role in my life, sometime only for a short period of time, sometime for 20 years or more (for the record, that relationship is with a female INFJ). The feeling was never wrong. In any case - I don't rationalize relationship options or evaluate potential costs. I don't play games and physical attraction alone was never enough to put me into "hunting mode" - I only pursued and had relationships with women where I have felt this very specific sensation in the first few seconds. Again, it's interesting to see that there are very major differences even between INFJs.

@MeeCee5204 4 ай бұрын

@@winfriedmaus I totally understand your point, but I'm kind of operating on a "once bitten twice shy" model. And feelings don't play a huge part in it.

@pdd1240 5 күн бұрын

Me too. It's difficult but others don't understand.

@spmoran4703 5 ай бұрын

No not all INFJs are single. But we need partners that understand our need for solitude . We do need forever love . Some one who thinks deeply. And we definately dont need narcs .

@malibu90265 5 ай бұрын

I married a narcissist but found my way to freedom. Lead me to a path of self-realization. I'm happy now.

@spmoran4703 5 ай бұрын

@@malibu90265 I am so happy to hear that . Well done . 👏👏👏

@malibu90265 5 ай бұрын

@@spmoran4703 Thank you. Be well.

@nancycronin551 5 ай бұрын

Narcs are why I am terminally single. I am a Proud Childless Cat Lady Livin' the Dream!

@brianmeen2158 5 ай бұрын

Agree. If I meet someone and they mention early in that they are going try to get me to go out more often then it’s not going to work .. I’ve had friends and girlfriends do this in the past even after explaining my need for solitude - very hard to deal with

@SarahGraceL 5 ай бұрын

Can someone just make us a group? I want to just talk to my people.

@MsYellowSkies 4 ай бұрын

There are groups on fb :)

@hustlemami8732 4 ай бұрын

YES

@cspace1234nz 4 ай бұрын

...that's precisely what we don't want !

@Mrayees442 4 ай бұрын

What is the group name

@missmedieval 2 ай бұрын

A group is a nice idea... what would you hope to gain?

@Zazu-h8x 4 ай бұрын

I have a policy and people always find me odd because of it. "People date for one of these two goals 1- To break up 2- To marry" Take your pick and get it rolling.

@ceciliah2121 5 ай бұрын

It’s amazing how many times I have been criticized by others for having the qualities of an INFJ! These videos help so much to understand who I am. Thank you

@INFJcircle 5 ай бұрын

You are welcome! Glad they are helping

@ms.donaldson2533 5 ай бұрын

This man understands me more than any man I've ever met in life!!! I love his videos I've been single for over 10 yeas, just uninterested in "sharing" my life with someone who doesn't understand me. It has been an amazing time for research in Baltimore!!! My love in life is history, my current status is reliving it.

@theliterarytarot 5 ай бұрын

Same, even criticized a lot from family. These are great videos.

@AymanMehrab 5 ай бұрын

Listen👂🏻 it's okay if you don't fit in, it's because you are meant to stand out. Don't worry about them just happily Be yourself

@brianmeen2158 5 ай бұрын

Oh yes those of us INFJs will get criticized quite often in this society

@joshbarklage6176 5 ай бұрын

The perfect partner, someone who can share my misanthropic outlook on humanity while we snuggle together.

@kresivarivkah612 5 ай бұрын

You sound like heaven.

@nancycronin551 5 ай бұрын

I can't make decisions or be motivated by greed. I need to do whatever I do for the good.

@bm5_5_5 4 ай бұрын

Ummm this is perfect sounding ❤

@RaeAria 5 ай бұрын

Sometimes we know right off the bat if someone isnt right for us. But also don't know how we know, we just know. If that makes sense 😄

@INFJcircle 5 ай бұрын

I think it makes sense!

@triplejmom7826 5 ай бұрын

Makes perfect sense. I think it’s the combination of our emotional alchemy & pattern recognition.

@Ancientmillennial-u7z 5 ай бұрын

I have been single for 12 years and I have zero desire to date anyone at this point. I really like my peace and I have yet to meet someone that I can bring into my space and maintain that. Probably because I'll never find another INFJ. lol I thought I was such a weird person until I started learning more about INFJs. Thank you for your amazing channel. It helps me understand myself so much more. Hope you're writing a book!

@INFJcircle 4 ай бұрын

You are very welcome! We will see about the book… ;)

@ranmad415 Ай бұрын

OMG. I also realized recently that I am an INFJ and have been educating myself. One thing that I can say is that it really cleared up a whole lot of things for me. And, I no longer think I am (so) crazy :). Some of the videos I watched really got me laughing because I sooo recognized myself in the descriptions. I was like... Yup, that's me, over and over again Wishing you luck in your research! Enjoy the day!

@pdd1240 5 күн бұрын

Same here..

@cledosliop4175 5 ай бұрын

Causal socializing or dating around is just a waste of time to me.

@luutzenvanderwey1627 4 ай бұрын

I have come to the conclusion that it is near impossible for us INFJs to find that perfect soulmate partner we desire. The only one who will ever really "get" you, is yourself. So I have been working on being my own soulmate and just loving myself. I enjoy experiences with myself, no need to share it with anyone else. Me just being there and living each moment is enough. I can self generate my own love

@INFJcircle 4 ай бұрын

Well said! Thank you for sharing this.

@sweetanila26 Ай бұрын

I feel the same way 🙏🏼

@pdd1240 5 күн бұрын

U also think I can live with myself far more comfortably but sometimes I suspect that would I be ok as I'll keep on aging. It's such a dilemma but still I can't put myself forcefully to see someone just to get married.

@FrankLucasIII 4 ай бұрын

I’m an INFJ who’s been in a 6 year relationship with an ENFJ. We match like peanut butter and jelly. We are so similar but our introverted and extroverted differences balances us out beautifully. It’s definitely hard to find someone who is compatible to our unique personality but they’re out there somewhere. Cheers 🥂

@twal3 28 күн бұрын

Yes, we are the ultimate square pegs. We are perfectly adept at being alone, so the idea of settling for someone just to have a companion makes zero sense.

@kammellioo 5 ай бұрын

Sigh...i fell victim to a female narc. 10 long years and 2 kids later, im still paying for it😔. Im single still because of the betrayal trauma and there is a shift happening in modern society right now. If you know, you know😥

@INFJcircle 5 ай бұрын

I understand- I fell for one as well. Sorry for your experience!

@missredumbrella 5 ай бұрын

I hear you, fellow infj......

@DebbieHollandNZ 5 ай бұрын

I was married to a Narc too. I have always felt that even though I escaped him and became happy post 23 years of marriage a scene from The Lord of The Rings resonates with me - The one where Gandalf overcomes the demon Bel and pushes it into the abyss ( very apt for a Narc ) BUT it grabs him as he escapes and pulls him down too........Although I have escaped - the stinger of the Bel demon is that I have never been able to regain my trust in men - too much damage done. So I choose to live alone. So not entirely victorious hey? You are younger than me so I hope that you find a way to heal and move on xxx

@Redford1-g2t 5 ай бұрын

we attract narcissists

@annmowatt7547 5 ай бұрын

@@Redford1-g2t Unfortunately so. They are drawn to our empathy.

@RockSteadyUSMC 4 ай бұрын

I am an INTJ, and my husband is an INFJ. We were both completely averse to relationships prior to meeting - we even tried to fight our feelings towards one another! But as you guessed, we both lost that fight 😂❤

@ac3414 Ай бұрын

I love the INTJ/INFJ match

@AHE1992 5 ай бұрын

Great video!😊 As an INFJ I was lucky to meet a INTP at 15 years old. We have been together since 17 years old, we married at 20 years old and are still going strong at 32 years old (we have the same age). He is such a kind, funny, deep and intelligent soul and we both love our alonetime and we like to be alone together doing our own things😅 ❤

@theanonymoushelpline7248 4 ай бұрын

There is still hope for me

@jogreen7 4 ай бұрын

Sounds beautiful. All I’ve been dreaming of. You are blessed!

@franciscofco 4 ай бұрын

and what are your zodiacs?

@AHE1992 4 ай бұрын

@@franciscofco aries and scorpio😊

@shore5307 4 ай бұрын

I am your child - I test as an INFJ regularly and recently tested as an INTP.

@gean4890 5 ай бұрын

Coming up on 5 years and not excited about the potential out there AT ALL 😶 "My alone feels so good, I'll only have you if you're sweeter than my solitude." - Warsan Shire

@zeke6690 2 ай бұрын

10 years here.. and I'm not ugly neither old. It's hard because like what the video said, we crave for that clear perfection that we envision

@johara802 2 ай бұрын

From my earliest memories, I felt like I was watching the world and not really part of it. I'v always been very intuitive in different ways. So, I found comfort in nature and being by myself. I love being alone to this day. I played the game of being married twice but only to please my parents or someone else. I was taught that's what you're supposed to do. Pff. I'm glad that I have discovered that I'm an INFJ. Now I know and love who I really am . Because I wear the lable as an artist, people accept me more for my unusual behavior. But now I understand. Thankyou .

@jacobfierro2535 5 ай бұрын

Most people are more social leaning than introverted types of people. Introversion is unfortunately still frowned upon even though it’s completely normal to be introverted, but most social people don’t have the intelligence to figure that out nor the ability to know how to interact with introverted people. I have no problems being around social people but they ALWAYS have a problem with me and it is so frustrating to deal with extroverted people being so uncomfortable around quiet people that they default to judgment and being mean. It’s that age old lesson of people fearing what they don’t understand and then attacking it. That’s a huge part of why it’s so hard for me to even think about meeting people to try and make friends and then there’s the trust on top of that. People are mean in general and they are even meaner against those that make them uncomfortable…why is that my problem that other adults don’t have the confidence in themselves to be able to hang out with someone who isn’t super vocal?

@muma6559 5 ай бұрын

i will never understand why attacking someone who makes us uncomfortable is a default for some people. How about just leaving quietly ? At least we know who the aggressors are without saying a word.

@napfinap945 5 ай бұрын

so true, i have to put my precious energy into signaling these people im no threat to them. So draining. I sense that they sense me sensing them to "stay in control" which is toxic infj behaviour. Its also a survival mode for our nervous system that we learned from childhood and trained to perfection, we know we wont be accepted if we dont fit in with others. But the key is we need to be ourselfs and let people sort them selfes out for us, because there arent many people who can deal with us without being triggered. We need to relax and show we are relaxed. Tense energy will be felt by everyone and you will feel judged cause thats what people do automatically. Its the same with a a pack of dogs. A pack of dogs will immediatley spot the dog that has the unsure or fearful energy that makes him a threat. The whole pack will react to that energy and they will start to either attack him or force him to calm down and integrate him into the pack. We need to let go of the need for control and the fear to be seen for who we are. We need to put the spotlight on what makes us different even tho we dont want to be different, we just are and its a curse and a blessing. People want to put us in a box so badly and they cant accept we just dont fit. it makes them hate us xD but its basically their problem at the end. They are missing out on us if they avoid us. Because we can show them a truth that not many can handle. Our truth. Many people would rather live a comfortable lie and we will let them.

@sweetanila26 Ай бұрын

I have had the same experience especially in work.

@yeswing10 5 ай бұрын

My ideal day, taking a drive in the country, stop to read the Bible in a Park, treat myself to a mom and pop Diner.

@INFJcircle 5 ай бұрын

Sounds great!

@yeswing10 5 ай бұрын

@@INFJcircle I appreciate your Channel. We are fine!

@spmoran4703 5 ай бұрын

That is almost my day.

@bunnym5617 4 ай бұрын

Sounds like the best day ever and I’m an infp

@candellina6 4 ай бұрын

Same!

@martineloiselle 5 ай бұрын

i am single for 15 years. i am more happy than ever after i stay out of life of my narcissic family. me and my daughter love learn, this summer we learn spanish together! and after we learn sign langage! we know already french (our first langage) and english. i prefer to be alone, with youtube, not social media, just youtube because i have choice to see and talk at who i decided to! i have no friends, i talk with many people on the road when i go out, not often but enough to my daughter was happy, and i smile all the time! i am happy, i have already said that? hehe big hug

@antonelimgenco5716 4 ай бұрын

Good for you 👍, wish you and your daughter all the best in life❤

@martineloiselle 4 ай бұрын

@@antonelimgenco5716 thank you! i wish you too! big hug

@clbellue 4 ай бұрын

If I see you on the road, I will smile back! :)

@martineloiselle 4 ай бұрын

@@clbellue 😁😆😋😘

@مجتهد-خ2ف 5 күн бұрын

Same here😅

@amyj.4992 4 ай бұрын

We don't do casual sex or polyamory, because there is no promising future in that dynamic. That's why we're selectively socialize, like the social introvert people we are because we don't settle for inauthentic and shallow connection. It's spiritually unhygienic because personal growth and self improvement, allows us to learn and discover the significance of our connection with you ( we digital read and watch podcast too). Jim Henson quote is true: people don't like to learn, but they hate what they don't understand. We don't like to be surrounded by envious people only supportive ones. We don't like being around rude people with no manners or any tactfulness like home training. We don't mask, we just withhold our energy back until we are sure about you with our personality without being fake to lure us out because once we devote to you we are riders until you get yourself door slammed

@INFJcircle 4 ай бұрын

Yep.

@meagiesmuse2334 5 ай бұрын

This is right on target, as usual. I am probably older than most of your subscribers, and my stance on revealing myself is opposite what it was when I was young, so I don't match the video on that point. I am going in right away with my whole intimidating self, ie. deep talk, lots of personal questions, total openness and calling you out if need be. I am not wasting a lot of time to see if you can be trusted; I want to know right away so I can do a door slam if you are a liar. When I was young I fell for that narcissistic mirroring act and got badly hurt 3 times in a row. I saw good intentions where there were none and did not confront people soon enough.

@INFJcircle 5 ай бұрын

Yes, not caring what others think is a useful skill. The mirroring is a real thing and something we have to watch out for. It gets easier as we get older I think.

@meagiesmuse2334 5 ай бұрын

@@INFJcircle - Yes, I made the common mistake that young women often make of mistaking confidence for competence. People on the narcissistic and psychopathic spectrums are often very charming and confident. We didn't have all the information that this generation has to help us spot them. Being very empathic, as INFJs usually are, I attracted that type of men. They like to eat empaths for breakfast! When I got older I stopped worrying what others thought of me, since I realized they are mostly not thinking of me at all. People spend most of their time thinking about themselves. I also saw that the people who did not like me were almost always people whose values were so far out of line with mine that if they did like me, I would have to wonder what was wrong with me!

@DoofenSpyroDragon16 5 ай бұрын

@Infjcircle as an INFP, I’m still struggling with the whole “not caring what others think” thing, but I’m trying. I use to not care mainly cuz I was so lost in my own world I didn’t seem to notice. 😆 Nowadays a little more aware that people can judge, so I’ve kinda shied away from being my full self out in public or around new people.

@meagiesmuse2334 5 ай бұрын

@@DoofenSpyroDragon16- If people are judgmental towards you, doesn't that say more about them than about you? I see finding that out as helpful in identifying the people you don't want to give your time to, leaving you time to find your real tribe....those people that really "get" you.

@SibyllaCumana 4 ай бұрын

@@meagiesmuse2334I can relate

@goferalmedia 5 ай бұрын

"The more powerful and original a mind, the more it will incline towards the religion of solitude." - Aldous Huxley Thank you, Jay, for helping us all feel 'seen' and perhaps a little less insane (by society's standards). Excellent video as always.

@INFJcircle 4 ай бұрын

Thanks for watching, and you are welcome!

@sspencer4036 4 ай бұрын

I was told in my 20's to lower my standards. Almost 50 now and still single. Better single than being stuck with those kind of men and hating life lol

@lisac1619 Ай бұрын

Compromise is the worst C word for me.

@GlennaRedcliffe 5 ай бұрын

WOAH!!!! “They don’t like to learn but they hate what they don’t understand.” 🤯 This is exactly what’s going on in our society right now. Crazzzzy!!!

@INFJcircle 5 ай бұрын

Agree!

@kerryhardy1838 4 ай бұрын

Loving this INFJ comment section....Hi there tribe! The best thing that has happened to me as an INFJ is getting older. The way that we consistently build on our wisdom combined with all the hard lessons we learn as we are growing up means our lives get better and better with age. As time passes we can begin to accept and love ourselves as we are without fear of other's judgement because we know that we are right to follow our heart and intuition and we stop giving a shit about what society's toxic ways say we should or shouldnt be or do. We can trust ourselves and we see through all the crap. And being content with being single, is totally cool for as long as thats true. Peace and love INFJs xxx

@scar-lett6838 5 ай бұрын

That so true. I am happy I found that channel and understood I am not alone. But I had to learn to be more careful about letting people in my life. First I was way too open and thought everyone wants real connection like myself and - oh boy was I wrong. Now I am way more selective. But also more often alone. But I prefer it that way because it is psychologically safer. Thanks for your videos!

@SibyllaCumana 4 ай бұрын

Made the same mistake...

@jogreen7 4 ай бұрын

I’m also very open. I long for deep connections. I thought I had to be the one to select but from experience people tend to make it easy by not moving forward with me. I figured the real ones will stay. I just have to train myself to not overshare and become sad when I feel rejected.

@DustyTowne 23 күн бұрын

I agree with you, 100%! You are speaking my thoughts.

@amsnuggles 4 ай бұрын

Always thought I'd stay single forever. Then met my husband. Never knew such happiness could exist with another person. 😊❤ I recommend doing things you like and holding to your standards. You'll find someone. Prayer helps too, divine intervention is an amazing phenomon.

@Carla-hq6yp 4 ай бұрын

What do you pray about?

@jogreen7 4 ай бұрын

Trusting Father God for the divine connection! I am definitely believing God is the only one that can do it for me! In Jesus name I pray! Amen

@bre9502 5 ай бұрын

I feel as though I’ve been cursed with this personality type. First I can’t make friends now I can’t even get a man it’s sad

@INFJcircle 5 ай бұрын

It can be tough, but always know your worth and that you deserve someone who understands you.

@jillybe1873 5 ай бұрын

"Get" a man? Lol. You need a lassoo imo

@thecozyconstellation 5 ай бұрын

same lol i wouldnt want to be different but damn it could be easier!!!!

@bre9502 5 ай бұрын

@@jillybe1873 and probably bait too huh? 😂

@kerryhardy1838 4 ай бұрын

quality over quantity. Your peace and contentment is more valuable to your soul than having a poorly matched partner or a friend group that hold conflicting values. As an older INFJ I can wholeheartedly recommend trying out activities you always wanted to do, follow what you love and you will find likeminded people. The best people show up when you arent actively seeking them but rather enjoying the freedom to be yourself. Peace and love to you sister 💖

@Squintillions 5 ай бұрын

This is scarily accurate, right down to the LOTR reference. Plus, it is just easier to be single.

@INFJcircle 5 ай бұрын

Love LOTR. lol. I agree about the single life too.

@DoofenSpyroDragon16 5 ай бұрын

Way easier! You don’t have to share your stuff and I don’t have to worry about people complaining about my clock collection on the hour 😆

@Squintillions 5 ай бұрын

@@INFJcircle Have you read The Return of the Shadow, etc? So inciteful on Tolkien's writing process!

@Squintillions 5 ай бұрын

@@DoofenSpyroDragon16 LOL, my parents have a few chiming clocks at their house. Very difficult to sleep if I stay there overnight!

@DoofenSpyroDragon16 5 ай бұрын

@@Squintillions most of em are in my bedroom 😂 but luckily they do have an auto night silence feature so they turn off at night. There are some that start up at 6am though, I sleep through those, I don’t know how 😆

@ZenBones727 5 ай бұрын

Amen, my brother. Amen. Thankfully (& not so thankfully) I've been feeling invisible to those who wouldn't match up, anymore. Spares the bs...but also spares the hope of finding a match. To all my fellow INFJs, I love you all and you're perfection! ❤

@INFJcircle 5 ай бұрын

The older I get the less I worry about it, that’s for sure!

@Anna-sl1eq 13 күн бұрын

I am 50 years old and single. I happy and have no plans to find someone.

@ameliaoverall245 5 ай бұрын

So happy to know I'm not weird for thinking of the ideal person to be in a relationship. Better to be single then trapped with someone who doesn't like philosophy.

@TrmenanUser 5 ай бұрын

Plz make a group of infj where we can learn or chat together & grow together in this world we feel alone !because everyone r so different for us

@spmoran4703 5 ай бұрын

It would be nice but would we get enough people to join.

@Dr.Quratulain 5 ай бұрын

yes an amazing idea❤

@TrmenanUser 5 ай бұрын

@@spmoran4703 Every infj feels alone with this different world so yeah Wherever the reaches, there are chances that infj will join.🌹

@TrmenanUser 5 ай бұрын

@@Dr.Quratulain 🌹❣️let's make it together

@tribalroselr 5 ай бұрын

Yes!!🎉

@DebbieHollandNZ 5 ай бұрын

SO so true! I have been alone now for 25 years and I am relatively happy with this after divorcing a Narcissist after 23 years of marriage. I am alone partly due to loss of trust in the opposite sex and also because I dont fully trust myself to not go out a find another Narc. I have also learned to LOVE having my own life.

@JaneStingel 5 ай бұрын

I’ve missed your videos, Jay! You’re my favorite INFJ KZbinr.

@INFJcircle 5 ай бұрын

Thank you so much!! That means a lot to me.

@ChristianYork- 5 ай бұрын

You are 1 of 3 INFJ coaches that I watch. Love your sense of humor. In relation to this topic, I personally believe that this might be one of the most important things or ideas in any INFJ's life. We may be unique and different, but we are not much different than any person on the planet. No matter your personality type or how you feel about the world or yourself. We all need love and acceptance. It simply boils down to the decisions you make. Don't worry about the rest of society, it's little more than sound and fury. Choose yourself and be happy. Thanks for the content

@INFJcircle 5 ай бұрын

Thank you! I agree, we all need love and acceptance.🙏

@solitary1110 5 ай бұрын

Yes, yes, and yes. I was married to a narcissist for 15 years, and have been single again for 15 more. And I despair sometimes of ever finding anyone who is 1. available, 2. close to my age, 3. interested, and 4. compatible. 😮‍💨

@lydiaaa5557 Ай бұрын

Dating is so exhausting, it’s impossible to explain to someone that they’re a great person, but you can’t be with them because you can foresee the relationship problems you’ll have with them 5 or 10 years down the line 😭

@rosepearl66 5 ай бұрын

I don't know that I could date another INFJ, I need someone who pushes me outside of my comfort zone, otherwise I just stay inside it and that's not good for me.

@sweetanila26 Ай бұрын

I agree ☝🏼

@jekalambert9412 4 ай бұрын

After a number of relationships with narcissists, even if I met the "right" person, I just don't want to do the work required to have the kind of "ideal' relationship I've envisioned. I much prefer hanging out at home with my cat, doing art, and learning about arcane subjects.

@user-sz9pz2bt4f 2 ай бұрын

The part you said about learning and trying to share with people because it excites you, is so true. I find that my real friends don’t get offended, but others do and it’s you being your authentic self.

@staycool955 4 ай бұрын

As an INFJ I've never felt so related. My surrounding 's always changing relationship partners again and again and I'm still the only one who doesn't have relationship. I now know there 's nothing wrong with me nor I'm not lacking something.Thank you for uploading this video.

@missredumbrella 5 ай бұрын

I attracted narcs all my life ...i tend to have at least 7 years between each relationship which may i add has never lasted longer than 7 years .... I am happy alone ...unless a narc comes into my life and fools me. I am getting better .....in time ...eventually I may just give up

@INFJcircle 5 ай бұрын

They are very good at mirroring, and that makes them so hard to resist for us INFJs. They are attracted to our empathy as well, so it's a dual magnetism.

@missredumbrella 5 ай бұрын

@@INFJcircle yup i am learning that sadly .

@annmowatt7547 5 ай бұрын

Trust your instincts and keep up your high standards and high moral values. There are very few people who will live up to these but NEVER compromise. Also, watch out for narcissists, always ready to exploit us. You are special and deserve to have only equally special people in your life. (Most people bore me mindless and I would rather read a book.)

@TrustintheUniverse1111 4 ай бұрын

This was meaningful. Thank you. :) I've been to 36 countries and I'm just so shocked that no one seems to care or even asks about it. Like it's an every day occurence. I guess the irony is I achieve these feats because nobody does or did really make an effort. If I felt loved and listened to I would of probably never left.

@INFJcircle 4 ай бұрын

Yes, it’s amazing how little people care about others (in general) and how they focus on themselves. If you do share the stories of your travels I’m sure many think you are arrogant or get jealous of you. It is a sad world sometimes. Stay strong!

@PetraTimper-t5z 4 ай бұрын

This is so spot on! I have been single for 10 years since I finally divorced my narcissistic ex. Every point you list is true in my experience. It would be great to find a partner like the one you describe, but then again....I don't go out to bars and clubs, I am rarelly invited to parties anymore (people in Sweden don't really have that many parties after 50) and datingapps gives me the creeps (they are horrible!). People often tell me that I am very beautiful, but even that doesn't seem to help! 😅 I notice that men (and women) often stare at me, but never come up to say hello (swedes are extremely reserved, I mean it - extremely!). And I feel uncomfortable taking the first step, since I, sadly, often end up with the narcissist! That is both sad and hilarious. Anyhow....I really like to be alone, so I just take it as is it. Thank you so much for this video!

@Meenaia 5 ай бұрын

Right on about the educational videos! I got duped a couple times because many times when people I met said they liked certain science topics, it was more of a "status topic" rather than one of pure interest. And that's ok, I can totally understand why. As for romantic love, I'm not gonna lie, it terrifies me. If I ever felt safe with someone enough to be vulnerable... oh man I could get destroyed so bad. So I just keep embracing that nice, safe, calm and stoic life approach.

@INFJcircle 5 ай бұрын

I’m with you. About learning, yes, the status topic is real. Also, watching others do or learn something is something that most other types do, but the INFJ wants to “know” things so they can influence humanity, and help the social dynamics of the world (or at least their little part of it).

@Meenaia 5 ай бұрын

@@INFJcircleExactly! Also I chuckled when I read the part in parenthesis because that was almost word for word what I was thinking when reading "when helping the social dynamics of the world." My part may be really small but I'm going to do it with gusto, gosh darn it! Thank you so much for giving us comfort, validation and guidance. I hope you know how much you are appreciated!

@SibyllaCumana 4 ай бұрын

I'm terrified as well. Been hurt too much. And high expectations so far have clashed with reality. It's a void inside, because we can love very deeply indeed

@Ginascottage 5 ай бұрын

Welcome back Jay. I’m glad you’re on the road to recovery.

@INFJcircle 5 ай бұрын

Thank you!

@co-il-lusion 5 ай бұрын

That is true, we know what we want, and we stick to that idea till the bitter end, so to say. That is, till we reach a point in which it is meaningless to engage in any relationship, for it is already too late for that. But hey, some traits just cannot be changed. Better alone than in unsuitable company, even if that means remaining for oneself forever.

@INFJcircle 5 ай бұрын

Agreed. We have to learn to love ourselves and our traits!

@photogal39travels 5 ай бұрын

I added a partner in crime, a pup to give love to and she gives back. I understand it's not the same but it's much better than being alone. IMO. Misses your emails and videos. I'm glad your on the mend Jay. Your awesome‼️

@INFJcircle 5 ай бұрын

Thank you! Yep dogs are great!

@DoofenSpyroDragon16 5 ай бұрын

I legit have no interest in dating whatsoever. And you called me out with the educational videos, I just watched one this morning 😆

@donnellallan 5 ай бұрын

This was exactly the pep talk I needed today after going out of my way to avoid a handsome and charming man who seems to be interested in me. His eye-rolling attitude towards drug addicts in our last conversation let me know he was not right for me, despite my never touching drugs at all. That guy is just too darned conventional to accept me just as I am. You, Jay, "saw me" in point after point on this video. Thank you so much! 💜

@SoulFoodie-tg7gn 4 ай бұрын

"Get outta here smegal" had me giggling on a deeper level. Thank you for making this group ❤ I never feel like I can connect with anyone with such fakery this day and age. Your videos make me smile and not feel so alone 😊

@INFJcircle 4 ай бұрын

lol! Happy to have you here!

@gean4890 5 ай бұрын

You had me dying at LOTR! 🤣😂🤣😂 I feel so called out 🤭🧡

@lynnejames2806 5 ай бұрын

Me precisely. Before I knew I was an INFJ…someone described me as perspicacious. Now I know what they meant …and what being an INFJ means 😊

@DonnaSwitzer-t9f 2 ай бұрын

I am thankful that I found your channel! I hope that I am not double sending this comment because I accidently clicked at the wrong time. As an INFJ who is now widowed and in my 70s, I find that being alone is comforting at times and yet very lonely. It would be a blessing to have an intelligent, supportive and loving man in my life, someone to love and support and nurture in return.

@hoteleandoconlafamilia 4 ай бұрын

So true! I got married older that average. Next week we will celebrate our 23th anniversary.

@INFJcircle 4 ай бұрын

Congrats on that!

@jeremyreese9663 4 ай бұрын

I didn’t even know about this INFJs personality, but this explains me so well, this explains me to a tea.

@dakotawinston7677 3 ай бұрын

Thanks for all of this. Discovering all this at 34 is fantastic. Not even upset I didn’t learn it sooner, though it certainly would have helped. Probably not a surprise I believe things happen when they’re meant to. Glad I am here now to learn and move forward.

@pearl5016 Ай бұрын

Infj-t. Fun fact. I like talking about the weather because it is light slightly impersonal and yet deep on a subtle way way to get to know someone. It helps me know if someone pays attention to the moon, what happens in the sky, nature, the seasons and their physical environment and how in tune they are with the rhythms within their surroundings. It is a great way to test for depth of moods and compatibility and values. Without them knowing a simple talk about the weather and I have learned so much about your personality and temperment. Just in case any other infjs out there needed this tip/social hack. Bc yes other things get exhausting and I would rather talk about the weather than hear celebrity gossip of a culture I don't tune into. So moral of the story sometimes weather talk can be deep depending on how you talk about the weather.

@Lunakitz 5 ай бұрын

Hypocrisy is one of my top pet peeves, in individuals and in larger institutions. Also when people try to downplay my intelligence because I'm not talking about the things that all the regular people are talking about. It's rare to find people who appreciate your particular interests and talents. I spend long stretches single myself for these very reasons. Not that I mind being alone 😸

@Jessica-jf8gg 5 ай бұрын

As an infj myself I'm actually dating an infj too lol

@INFJcircle 5 ай бұрын

Awesome 😎

@temirin7134 4 ай бұрын

Who's gonna save who, when the procrastination cycle sets it,😂

@temirin7134 4 ай бұрын

But who is going to save the other when the procrastination cycle sets in😂😮

@winfriedmaus 4 ай бұрын

@@temirin7134 My wife is an INFJ, too, and trust me when I say that she does not know what procrastination is - she's relentless to herself and constantly builds or creates something to improve "the nest".

@ajpollard529 4 ай бұрын

Same here as INFP. Wanting a deep, meaningful connection really narrows down the field.

@Wellch 3 ай бұрын

I am intp.

@stevenplatt4435 5 ай бұрын

I'm infj male and dated a enfj histrionic femal, an absolute nightmare, alone we got along great but when out she was on every man in sight, brought fights on from men she was flirting with, and who knows how much she cheated, probably won't date again

@INFJcircle 5 ай бұрын

I've had experiences somewhat similar this as well...A little TOO outgoing, lol.

@solomongold1412 4 ай бұрын

I'm an Intj single male looking for an Infj queen 🎉

@irene4633 4 ай бұрын

I am the most INFJ person ever😵 it’s such a complex or foreign concept to be a complete hermit who is emotionally profound… that’s why I find it difficult to date. I’d rather jump into marriage directly but in this day and age, it’s harder. So I just stay single…

@Sauvageonne 5 ай бұрын

I first met my match at 30. We knew we were spiritually connected the minute we met. He was married + I lived abroad + I was not allowing myself to be attracted. But deep soul connection. We would meet for a coffee once a year and exchanged HNY and happy birthday messages for 10 years. He had become a widower and we continued having a very respectful relationship for 5 more years until Cupid decided to savagely stab us. We got married and had a baby when I was 44. I somehow knew the right person would come at the right moment. I don't recommend it for others, but I had that blind faith and it worked.

@Sauvageonne 5 ай бұрын

And yes I did attract some vampires. I can smell them from miles now.

@INFJcircle 4 ай бұрын

Glad it worked out for you, that’s awesome!

@tribalroselr 5 ай бұрын

The explain why im both blessed and cursed in being single. Just when i doubt my infj self you explain me without knowing me like a psychic lol🤯

@Qetesh777 2 ай бұрын

I am an infj who is generally always in relationships. I think it maybe because I don't place a man in a position of needing to understand and agree with my complexities, just acknowledge my uniqueness. It also helps that I am generally always willing to listen to and improve my partner. married 10 years.

@muma6559 5 ай бұрын

"stand by the exit and see if you can find someone who is trying to escape"... lolol

@ivy5554 3 ай бұрын

I'm trying to give myself grace and space to heal for as long as I need while not totally closing myself off to any opportunities, but after spending over a decade in a relationship that became toxic and codependent and seeing my ex do everything I predicted they would do afterwards, it's really hard not to feel jaded and distrustful of people. It feels like most people spend most of their lives chasing other people rather than working on themselves and learning what a healthy relationship is supposed to be like and how to truly care about and be a partner. After doing a lot of self-reflection and study I've had to come to terms with the fact that I can't be in a relationship with someone without that deep emotional connection and deeply emotionally investing in it, and I don't have it in me to put all that heart and care into someone again that can't reciprocate the same level of respect and dedication. I'm not perfect and I don't expect someone to be perfect or to feel as much as I do, but it seems like expecting someone to be an equal partner and respect and accept me is too much to ask. If that means I'll be single for the rest of my life, after everything I've experienced, I think I can live with that.

@OmarAhmed-q1c3s 4 ай бұрын

As an infj: dont talk to me about the weather unless you're prepared to talk about the CLIMATE. Of the whole earth. Possibly even some other plabets😂😂😂

@INFJcircle 4 ай бұрын

Yes haha!

@lisac1619 Ай бұрын

INFJ 17 years single. I'm perplexed and disgusted that people can go from one relationship to the next.

@dumitriudaniela 5 ай бұрын

ive been single for some time now, both in friendships and romantic relationships, that is really hard to imagine someone who could match my standards. In my case, while being through a very difficult transition in my life while having no one around me (or online) to support me, i learned to come inside and connect with the most loving energy of the divine where i feel understood and replenished by this connection in a way that humans just cannot offer. When i look outside, no one matches this level and maybe never will and i am ok with it. My source is inside and i will always feel nourished by it.

@marnijay2486 4 ай бұрын

I understand how you feel! I get more replenished from connecting to the divine energy encompassing and filling humanity at large, (even sometimes through random or brief encounters), than I do from personal relationships with a specific other person. That’s part of why I don’t feel the ‘need’ to have a partner, though I’m sure there would be lovely things about having the right partner… maybe even one who shares this.

@AnnieKopf 2 ай бұрын

This is such a great space! Thank you, Jay, for these very helpful videos. Cheers to all my INFJ friends!

@bissolaahouanvoebla8593 17 күн бұрын

I’m an INFJ, and I deeply relate to all of those traits! The only difference is that I have a lot of trauma so I have difficulty to trust myself and my instinct! I’m afraid to be wrong or to not give a chance to certain type of people because of my presupposition! Even if after the end I was always right! But I don’t know if it’s a projection of my fear leading to those outcomes! I don’t know I am always questioning my thoughts or my understanding of a situation or people! I want to give people the benefit of the doubt even if I can sense all their flaws and incompatibility with just one conversation!

@the_alizerah 4 ай бұрын

That person trying to escape is so real. I usually hang around the exit of after an event for a quick 2 minutes in case I find a little connection with someone and if I don't find anyone and no one walks up to me either within that time window, back to my cave.