9 TURN OFFS on a First Date | For the GUYS!

[@roxannecowlesrosado3449]

I just discovered your channel and I have been binge watching your videos-the advice is extremely helpful. Regarding men monopolizing the conversation, I understand he may be nervous, so it doesn't bother me too much when he does this; however, the problem that arises is the topics he chooses to talk about that have caused me not to consider a second date, such as how gorgeous or young his ex-girlfriend was and how she broke his heart, how crazy/mean/conceited, etc. his ex-wife is, and so on. When a man begins to not only mention, but goes into a long monologue, about another woman, I begin to feel like I'm his pal, or worse, one of his guy friends. So, I think is is bad taste when men discuss women from their past with a potential partner. He should be focused on talking about things that can help him get to know the woman he is with at that moment, and not using the date as a forum to discuss the women who he is not with any longer.

[@CoffeewithCarey]

I am so happy you found the channel and felt compelled to leave a message, Roxanne! Welcome! I agree, we should never be talking about our exes, past relationships or dating -on a date! Very meta…. and a turnoff! ♥️👍

[@johnballard6725]

A guy who says one or more of his exes was crazy is the reddest of red flags.

[@ceejay9663]

You reminded me of a disastrous date I had years ago with an attractive woman that suddenly started talking about her ex she had recently broken up with; it was a major turnoff. I didn't bother calling again.

[@barbc7698]

Agreed with all of these, Carey. I was on crutches once during a first date. The guy didn’t ask to walk me to my car. It was the one time I truly would have appreciated the support.

[@CoffeewithCarey]

😡

[@hump1953]

I really liked this video….I agree on the dinner date… I spent $150 for a first dinner date …it’s not out of my budget but at 3 times a week a little too expensive….

[@CoffeewithCarey]

And quite unnecessary. Dinner dates are not my first or second choice for a first date. Too long anyway.

[@LisaFenton-h7f]

It's NUTS to spend $150 for a FIRST DATE. (And I'm a WOMAN). First dates should be more casual and NOT expensive.

[@Hodenkat]

Men want to see women reciprocate effort at least to some degree.

[@CoffeewithCarey]

Great point! Absolutely. And vice versa.

[@geondy2]

No suit, it is not who I am, nor have ever been. Not a lawyer, or a politician, in other words not dishonest about who I am.

[@CoffeewithCarey]

Heeeey! No stereotypes! ☺️

[@bobmoore6248]

Great advice. I try and be cognizant of these things when even hanging out with women friends.

[@CoffeewithCarey]

♥️👍

[@gracesusanotte5474]

Unkempt, ungroomed facial hair! ‘Nuff said

[@scarlettohara843]

You are sooooooo enjoyable to WATCH & listen to! 😅 your personality & mannerisms and attitude and smile are AWESOME!!!! 😃👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 ty great advice too!!

[@CoffeewithCarey]

What a nice comment and a lovely compliment! Thank you so much. Glad you’re enjoying the channel.

[@charmee4045]

What about a guy that keeps bringing up his wife, and he is a widow, what about a man that talks about cuddling, hand holding, hugging, blah blah blah, such a turnoff this was date #2. Always about touch etc. I think if there wasn't a table between us he would jump me. Not a good feeling.

[@CoffeewithCarey]

That’s about being firm with your boundaries! and… kzbin.info/www/bejne/m4bRi4WAbt2ekKcsi=MmlixiW70kWWFdt6

[@ceejay9663]

Bail out when you hear such talk. Else, you'd find yourself dating his wife's ghost and being constantly compared to her.

[@demivydE]

Many years ago I went out with a college professor who showed up wearing a Micky mouse shirt and bleached out jeans. He took me to DD and let me pay for his coffee. Make an effort to wear appropriate clothing!!!!

[@CoffeewithCarey]

Hahaha.

[@josephschuster1494]

All good points, Coach! THANKS! ❤

[@CoffeewithCarey]

Any time! ☺️

[@LynnS-gd8wq]

There's no way I'd expect or even want a man I met off the internet or someone I barely know to pay for my meal on a first date. I would mention in advance that we'd have separate bills. There are several reasons. A lot of times men can think if they pay for your meal you owe them something. At that point, to me, we aren't even dating, I don't even know the person, so I definitely don't want him to have any expectations of me. The second thing being I would want to be able to order an expensive drink or meal if I wanted it without that other person thinking I'm using them for a meal. The third thing is, it's not fair to the man. This is just a meet and greet...why should he be paying for someone he doesn't even know?

[@CoffeewithCarey]

Thanks for sharing your opinion here, Lynn. The only thing I would mention here is that other people’s expectations of us are not really ours to worry about.

[@LynnS-gd8wq]

@@CoffeewithCarey Well it kind of is if you have to fight off a handsy date.

[@CoffeewithCarey]

@@LynnS-gd8wq Im curious how old you are. This makes me think about the olden days when people would say a woman was raped because she was dressed provocatively, and she was obviously “asking for it.” The way a woman dresses, or whether she allows a man to be chivalrous and pick up the dinner tab should have no bearing on whether or not she chooses to be intimate with anyone!

[@LynnS-gd8wq]

@@CoffeewithCarey I'm 59 and should add I haven't dated in 5 years after a 10 year relationship ended. So yes my dating experiences are from 15 years back. However, 'should have no bearing' is not reality. I'm pretty conservative and actually don't think it's smart for women to dress so provocatively either, I mean they are just asking for the wrong kind of attention. That's a much deeper topic though. Of course it's our choice who we want to be intimate with but me personally I'd rather not give off that vibe at all. I've had that issue of men trying to get way too close sooner than I'm comfortable with.

[@CoffeewithCarey]

@@LynnS-gd8wq You of course should do whatever feels right for you. I just want to make sure that you don’t ever forget that you can always say no. Men these days should have already received the message and understand that no means no. At any time and under any circumstances! 🤎

[@weirdthingstoeat7198]

Also TELL MEN that JUST BECAUSE they 'Pay the Bill' at the restaurant, DOESN'T MEAN that it is a *PAYMENT* for *SEX* ! *WOMEN* DON'T 'OWE' you ANYTHING, just because you paid the restaurant bill!!!

[@CoffeewithCarey]

If you are accepting dates from men who believe what you say, you are dating the wrong men. 😟

[@ceejay9663]

This is a no-brainer. As soon as they indicate anything like that attitude, just dump them and run. I've NEVER done that with any woman, and all decent guys would avoid such an advance.

[@oldnatty61]

A "thank you" would be nice.

[@TunaStrata]

Men also owe the women for the restaurant bill. Pay your own bill when on a date. Both of you are adults.

[@CoffeewithCarey]

@@TunaStrata you do not have to take the advice of a professional Matchmaker and dating coach, you are entitled and Wright to do whatever you want on your dates. Nobody’s telling you what to do.

[@charlespratt8663]

As the song goes " If you ain't got no money take your broke ass home". Always pay for the first date.

[@CoffeewithCarey]

Not familiar with that one, but as the song goes, “… A with a hip-hop, the hippie to the hippie to the hip, hip-hop and you don't stop the rockin' To the bang-bang boogie, say up jump the boogie to the rhythm of the boogie, the beat”

[@matthewveth2030]

This is Courtney Ryan 40 years from now.

[@CoffeewithCarey]

So you mean like once she has had some life experience and a decade of Coaching and matchmaking thousands of clients? 40 years??! HOW OLD do you think I freaking am?! 🤬🤣

[@matthewveth2030]

​@@CoffeewithCarey You're a good sport. Cheers.

[@ceejay9663]

@@CoffeewithCarey 🤣🤣😂😂

[@CoffeewithCarey]

@@ceejay9663 🤦🏻‍♀️

[@robertvarner9519]

Good tips Carey. 👍👍☕☕

[@CoffeewithCarey]

Thank you, Robert!

[@karynreed8936]

Great advise Carey. As far as men paying, I would at least offer. If my first date with a man takes me to an expensive restaurant, I would at least offer to pay the bar bill. I’ve heard that men appreciate even the offer.

[@CoffeewithCarey]

I agree. And if they say no, you can always offer to leave the tip. When you offer to “help with the check” and they decline, offer one second time, and then express your appreciation for their generosity!!! ♥️👍

[@johnballard6725]

First date don't go to an expensive restaurant !

[@fantasiazplatkami]

lady can ofer, but gentleman should decline, thats masculine and cool

[@williammcmillan7502]

I rarely go out to dinner, let alone a nice place. So I don't mind paying and getting "dressed" (for someone I invited, no less) for a nice meal as it's fun for me too. No sex expected, just be pleasant and present (put the phone away!). If it ends up being our first and last date..... No big whoop!

[@CoffeewithCarey]

I have never recommended an expensive dinner for a first date. You can save those for date number three.

[@CoffeewithCarey]

Ps. I’m sure others appreciate your generosity and chivalry. 🤎

[@mikemason746]

Every video like this mentions shoes and how women notice them. Trouble for me, I'm lucky if i just get my shoes to match.

[@CoffeewithCarey]

Michael I have faith that you can do better! ;-) Lol

[@jjusticeIV]

Hi Carey, just wanted to mention that this video only has audio in the left ear.

[@CoffeewithCarey]

hmmm. what about part 1 from wednesday?

[@tomtroy3792]

Well this leaves me out

[@CoffeewithCarey]

Can’t tell if you are relieved or please or even being honest. ;-) Lol.

[@user-ei8rb7sj6c]

Carey, do you have advice on what men have told you are turn offs for them in the women they date? I’m over 60 and haven’t been on a dating site in over two years. Now that it’s been a while I’m thinking of getting back out there. I’ve been enjoying your videos bc IMHO your tips and advice are practical & sensible.

[@CoffeewithCarey]

glad you are enjoying the channel. and yes..: kzbin.info/www/bejne/opaulHqaateboMUsi=d__YF_TZ6EFWED-U

[@DebraFlower]

good info for women too

[@CoffeewithCarey]

yup. both episodes should be seen by both genders!

[@eddiecuevas5518]

This what we do talk care for women

[@CoffeewithCarey]

I need a full sentence here if I’m meant to respond

[@fantasiazplatkami]

I'm put off if on 1st date the guy is stingy, I out of politeness offer to pay for myself , but i think they should cover the bill.

[@CoffeewithCarey]

That’s the standard female response. 😉 👍

[@fantasiazplatkami]

@@CoffeewithCarey lately I was on Internet date, I offered to pay for drinks and guy accepted, of course at that point I stopped seeing it as a date. After a few days this guy writes "I felt you were not interested in me". Shoud I write him I expected him to pay or just let it go? I dont want to train him for some other lady:P

[@ceejay9663]

​@@fantasiazplatkami​, since I don't see it in this thread (yet), I'll just suggest that in the era of "equality," whoever extends the invitation should pay on the first date. That's just good etiquette. [In case you're curious, I DON'T expect that and usually just cover the 1st date myself]. I'm a believer in "training her for other guys" when I disengage from someone if I think it will benefit the woman in the future. Assuming he contacted you and invited you out, he needs to learn that he should pay for the first date. You didn't mention if you had dinner before the drinks prior to your offer; that is a critical point.

[@fantasiazplatkami]

@@ceejay9663 1st Internet date, guy wanted to go to pizza after walk, i said ok, you pay for pizza i pay for drinks.

[@LisaFenton-h7f]

@@fantasiazplatkami Nice ALTERNATIVE to "Man Always Pays For Everything"

[@joanneyamada1552]

Agree

[@lxgator1]

All these rules go out the window for the ladies if the date is with Chad or Tyrone.

[@StevenHughes-hr5hp]

If you are going somewhere where there is going to be a lot of walking of course you are going to wear sneakers. Or flip flops on the beach. What is planned doctates the footwear.

[@CoffeewithCarey]

Yes, Perhaps applying a little common sense to the “general opinions of women.. in general” is a good plan. Enjoy your hike!

[@ceejay9663]

My experience is that there's a growing "trend" (online) that claims that women don't want to "get ready just for a cup of coffee." It's often explicitly stated in online sources that they EXPECT a dinner date as a minimum, even on a first date. Coincidentally, I've always done dinner dates anyway, so I've not been affected, other than realizing halfway through the meal that I'm disinterested or it's obvious she isn't interested. Just a heads-up for guys who may find the information useful.

[@CoffeewithCarey]

Perhaps you misunderstood the follow up to no coffee dates. But subscribers to my channel have an entire episode that they’ve seen on this general subject kzbin.info/www/bejne/fmLUiaytmt6kobssi=nSE3vtjHYjsycJxV

[@LisaFenton-h7f]

Any woman "expecting" a dinner date (implied the man spending big money) is NT a woman to waste time with (and I'm a WOMAN). Go for picnic in the par. Go for a walk.

[@charmee4045]

How about a shave and shower, maybe brush your teeth.......man you would not believe it.Definitely not paying on the first date, no way.

[@CoffeewithCarey]

🤭🤦🏻‍♀️

[@ELIZABETHTORRES-em3kx]

Yes man. He pays yes yes. Classy sophisticated and takes the leads

[@Forverlost2017]

Good thing I dont date.

[@CoffeewithCarey]

Welcome to my dating advice channel. I’m a dating coach and the Matchmaker. lol

[@Abbas_bisso]

you are pretty mom

[@CoffeewithCarey]

amzn.to/3qOcmlb

[@klausgersdorf8315]

Yes but #9 on second date, she should at least offer!

[@CoffeewithCarey]

Agree

[@goldenparachute392]

Why?

[@CoffeewithCarey]

@@goldenparachute392 because it’s good manners

[@CoffeewithCarey]

@@goldenparachute392 kzbin.info/www/bejne/d53MY4KieZudgMU

[@goldenparachute392]

@@CoffeewithCarey I disagree. If it’s courtship, proper manners dictate that the man pay for the first few dates. If it’s a friendship, then yes the woman should pay for her share always. If it’s an established relationship (girlfriend or +), then yes the woman could pay based on her ability as compared to the man’s ability to pay.

[@thecastle09]

Broads want someone to buy them dinner and gifts

[@CoffeewithCarey]

sounds like you’re really picking the wrong dames! 🙃

[@LL-jd5mn]

😂 "Braids" hahaha, make sure to call your dates that right there in front of them as well, do it😃

[@ceejay9663]

@@CoffeewithCarey, unfortunately I've run into women who are incessant "takers." These women can certainly create the impression of being fine people, but men who aren't careful can easily get taken advantage of. I personally overheard a woman telling her friend that, "she should just go for the free dinner." I was just thankful I didn't know either of them and wasn't involved.

[@CoffeewithCarey]

@@ceejay9663 there are creeps out there of both genders. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@Junoj101]

rule #1 for all guys: never take advice about women from a woman. find a successful guy in the area of interest and learn from him.

[@CoffeewithCarey]

And don’t go to female doctors. Oh, and if you get a DUI, make sure you get an alcoholic lawyer!!!

[@TheCalvinnnnn]

I agree tbh. You dont ask a fish what’s the best way to go fishing.

[@CoffeewithCarey]

@@TheCalvinnnnn are you trying to trap women, annihilate them and eat them? 😳 If not, your analogy is ridiculous; we are all trying to better understand the other genders! It’s not supposed to be an adversarial or dangerous relationship! ☹️

[@Junoj101]

​@@CoffeewithCarey If I want to be wealthy I would go to someone who has a record of success in generating wealth, not someone who inherited it, or has a theory about how to do it ;) A woman can not understand the mans struggle. her life does not require her to deal with same issues as men. The best thing a man can do for himself is never take any advice from a woman about relationships. The last woman that attempted to understand what men have to deal with and how women treated men, took her own life . . . you should read her book . . . her name is Norah Vincent

[@ceejay9663]

@@CoffeewithCarey , the Red Pill "movement" touts such advice regularly. It's damaging, ignorant advice. As a guy who grew up with 3 older sisters, I learned A LOT from them that I was able to put to productive use in my dating efforts. I'm willing to LISTEN to both genders (sorry, I still believe there's only 2! 🤣🤣), then come up with my decision as to what to take and what to leave from multiple sources. Closemindedness can be fatal, and dating is no exception to that rule.

[@stephen5147]

You are a smoker.

[@CoffeewithCarey]

You are a smoker. 🤨🙄