A Better Way to Ask For And Offer Favors

Just because you're able to offer someone a favor or help someone in need, doesn't mean it makes sense to do so. The world works better if you offer people help with things that you actually enjoy and that don't impose on you much or at all, and leave other people to do things that you enjoy less than is typical or that are harder for you than for others. Different people have different strengths, weaknesses, and different personal preferences of things they like or dislike, or resources that are abundant or scarce.
By offering from our abundance and asking from our scarcity, we can use both our offers and requests for favors as a way to make everyone collectively better off.
And by communicating better with people, we can avoid imposing on others and also communicate to others when a favor would impose on them. I give some examples and tips for navigating all these types of situations!

[@richarddrawsstuff2728]

Thanks Alex. Glad i could get geniune advice. Just what i needed.

[@Acinnn]

realy grat video. I have been thinking about how I see favours and have heard in various reddit videos wrong ways.. people feeling their good will being abused and such. and when I searched in YT I come over videos " how to get people to do favour for you" or "you should stop doing favours for people" and then I came across this video what a gem ☺️. My idea of best favours is little effort on giver side.. big help for receiver side. example: I bought 24hour subway ticket but I did need only 12 hours so when I am leaving town I give it to random stranger who can still use it for ride or two because I would throw it to the trash anyway ...Worst favour.. giver puts a lot work in and finds the receiver didn't really need it or don't appreciate it. example: I can draw portraits and friend asks me for favour if I can draw b-day gift for her daughter and I later learn the daughter didn't even like it... or it was just a side gift that the daughter even didn't care for.

[@AlexZorach]

Thanks, and yes! I definitely think my perspective here is underrepresented on the internet, which is why I made this video! People focus too much on this broad, general idea of whether someone is being too generous or letting people use them or whether favors in general are good or bad, and the answer is always that it depends on the details. That's a great example and a great point you made about the worst favors being ones where the person doesn't even need or appreciate it so much. Like if it's an example like my free tomatoes it doesn't matter, but if it's something that takes considerable effort like you drawing a portrait, it's a huge waste. And the converse is that sometimes it's even valuable or important to me to do things that are inconvenient or a lot of work or effort, like if I know it is really important to the other person.

[@richarddrawsstuff2728]

How do think favours should be brought up? Should it be mentioned amediatly in conversastion or at the end?

[@AlexZorach]

It's hard to come up with a one-size-fits-all answer to this, but my general advice is to ask for a favor whenever it pops into your head, i.e. if it comes up naturally in a conversation. If you are starting a conversation primarily with the intention of asking for a favor, I recommend being direct about that from the outset, perhaps after briefly asking the person how they're doing, but without talking too much first. Asking at the end of a conversation can be kind of bad, especially if the person may require some mental deliberation and/or further conversation in order to determine whether they really want to do the favor for you or not. This can put pressure on them. It can also come across as insincere if you contact someone primarily with the intention of asking for a favor, but only come out as having this intention at the end of the conversation. On the other hand if you are having a conversation with someone for other reasons, and you happen to think of the favor at the end of your conversation, then it can be fine to bring it up. I also think it's more likely to be okay at the end of the conversation if it's a small favor that is highly likely for the person to want to do.

[@richarddrawsstuff2728]

@@AlexZorach wow thanks again Alex.