A Deep Dive Into The 1950s Dating Culture

I beg your pardon- 💀
books mentioned:
"Boy Dates Girl" by Gay Head (real name 😭)
"Dating, Mating and Marriage" by Jessie Bernard, Helen E. Buchanan
"Your Dating Days" by Paul H. Landis
"Teen Dating and Marriage" by Mark E. Petersen
______________
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My merch: bit.ly/2CCq5jE

[@kimgoodwin2711]

I asked my mom how she and my dad met. She worked as a “soda jerk” at an ice cream shop. She said when my dad came to the shop she used to give him extra ice cream in his ice cream sodas and sundaes. What she didn’t know at first was that he had to take a train and two buses to come to the shop.

[@LM-fn6qb]

This is such a sweet story. Her with her extra ice cream and him with his extra travel. I'm glad they ended up together.

[@emilyrln]

That's so precious!!! 😭 💕

[@Diana02400]

Adorable

[@emilyolivia5737]

That’s so so cute

[@maryeckel9682]

That's so romantic

[@embroideredragdoll]

I joke about how crap the dating culture is nowadays then I look back to the 50’s and 1800’s social seasons and realise that it’s always been a shitshow.

[@quantumblur_3145]

Realizing things haven't progressed as much as you assume, is a rare and valuable phase

[@NankitaBR]

And in addition to that, until less than 100 years ago doing well on the dating market as literally life or death for a woman. If you didn't do well you risked ending up in a terrible marriage with a terrible husband or even never getting married and ending up on the streets.

[@sofiabravo1994]

It’s worse now because there’s no more standards .

[@quantumblur_3145]

@@sofiabravo1994 that's simply not true

[@autumnsprite]

Yeah, it's just bad in a different way

[@jordankuo6662]

Dear Diary, Jack is dating Hal (they were roommates).

[@melijo]

“..and they were roommatessss”

[@2-d_in_a_bag]

Oh my god they were roommates 😎

[@SuicideShow]

And they were roommates!!

[@feliperoa5821]

While I was hearing that story my mind thought "Having two boyfriends is hard, I'll better get them to dating each other so we can form a lovely couple of three"

[@jordankuo6662]

@@feliperoa5821 BYE LOL-

[@honeyswann]

Jesus Christ the girl with the several boyfriends gave me whiplash. Those alpha bros always wish they had a traditional woman from the 50s. They would have a heart attack knowing how some of them were like that girl. Idk how she did it though

[@lenas6246]

this video is a good bookmark in case some unwanted incels pop up in unrelated discussions

[@venmis137]

@@lenas6246 I mean, I'm technically an incel (though I don't like identifying as such) and I think it's kinda based. Casual dating seems like a much simpler affair with sex being much less prominent.

[@sofiabravo1994]

She was literally the exception it wasn’t normal or glorified…

[@ember9361]

@@venmis137 you know what they meant. Also you type like a teen so I'll assume you're one and just say you're not an involuntary celibate, you're a child. Not having sex until X age literally does not matter. Everyone has their own time

[@ember9361]

@@sofiabravo1994 how would you know, were you there?

[@kirstenpaff8946]

By sounds of it, dating wasn't necessarily romantic, it was just two of the opposite sex going to a social event together.

[@lhughes6656]

And that's exactly how it should be!

[@hikariluanGC]

@@lhughes6656 As much as I love the sexual freedom of our times, one of the negative aspects of it is putting pressure on people to experience sex or assuming they’re having sex if they go on a date. Dating as some socializing event without sexual compromises sounds like heaven for me as gay guy. It’s so much pressure when it comes to having sex that I’m often afraid of dating because of it.

[@alejandrogonzalezakamintyt2242]

​@@hikariluanGC Same here. I'm always afraid that at the end of the date, he'll be expecting me to go to bed with him.

[@hikariluanGC]

@@alejandrogonzalezakamintyt2242 Yes, I've been trying to work on that anxiety and on that fact that is ok to say no when I'm not in the mood or not into it, but the pressure can still be present because it's a common thing which in and of itself isn't a bad thing. It just creates some pressure under some circumstances.

[@wtfisggon7251]

No it was romantic but the key here is they weren’t having s3x

[@elizabethwillis885]

My grandma told me all about dating culture in the late 40s. It’s wild. Her parents had so many dating rules and she was the most popular girl in school. She dated so many boys. She was booked up for MONTHS. All with different boys. She said casual dating was very normal. She also proposed to my grandpa! She was awesome.

[@elizabethwillis885]

My grandma also looked just like the black dahlia. She was gorgeous.

[@mimir1885]

Wow!!!!! Thabks for sharing lol they make it seem like it was soooooooooo different but that's really not true. The only different is we have the internet

[@southernbelletales]

Return of The Mack is your grandma’s theme song 😂

[@jordankuo6662]

slay.

[@bossyboots5000]

Yeah, I've always been told that dating a lot of different boys got you named "easy" (slut) and you were ostracized for it. Even in the 80s this was true in the US. However, I do agree that people (especially men bc they were more privileged and double standards do exist - hello, "body count") have always been ghosting, disrespectful, and only wanting sex (then dumping you if you didn't provide). It's just that now sex is a much bigger part of it, and things like social media, smart phones with cameras and ubiquitous porn have intensified the bad behavior. Like, in the 50s they didn't have revenge porn, but I'm certain that if smart phones existed back then men would have engaged in that behavior. In other words, the behaviors are still the same, it's that technology has intensified things in the present.

[@technicallyawriter]

My mom was a teen in the 50s in the US and described dating similarly, but there is a bit of missing context: Friendships were exclusively within the same gender. So dates were the *only* time boys and girls really got to know each other. My mom thought it was cool that my circle of friends had a mix of girls and boys, and I think she enjoyed the novelty of watching a teenage girl consider boys as something other than potential dates.

[@lajoyous1568]

My mom is in the same age group as yours & was horrified when I would drive off with a car full of guy friends. "What will the neighbors think?!" I learned early to ignore the assumed opinions of neighbors. 😁

[@rosecat5638]

Yeah my grandparents always thought any guy friends I had were boyfriends I didn’t want to admit to, they just couldn’t grasp that were didn’t see each other that way.

[@WhiffleWaffles]

That makes a lot of sense in modern context, or at least a few years ago, where people have this concept that "girls can't be friends with boys" and whatnot.

[@user-jf3xy5kk6u]

Sex, not gender.

[@emmanarotzky6565]

So “boyfriend” really could mean “friend who is a boy” lol! (Also what’s with that other reply? The original comment is clearly talking about gender, not sex. It’s saying that people thought friends had to be the same gender - so girls could only be friends with other girls and boys could only be friends with other boys.)

[@originofclothing]

Just a funny little aside: I work at a middle school and apparently the current version of “getting pinned” is wearing your girlfriends scrunchie on your wrist. It’s actually really cute to see the boys in the hall proudly sporting the scrunchie

[@emilycurtis4398]

That is adorable

[@sharimeline3077]

So cute.

[@slpy.flower]

Yesss this is true!! When I was in middle school I knew some girls that would do that with guys, and once had a friend freak out because she felt like she should’ve sprayed her scrunchie with perfume. 😭

[@podtherod9304]

Lmaoooo, i work at a summer camp for 4th-6th graders and they’re the exact same way. If they’re really serious they’ll make a bracelet or have one of the counselors make them one to give to their crush. I had one boy who went around with a Gatorade bottle cap circle thing (like the thing that seals the cap) and was trying to get a girlfriend with it. He goes the whole week with no luck then finally on the last day he runs up saying “I FINALLY GOT ONE!!!!” So I was like awesome dude!! What’s her name? Kid had NO idea what her name even was. Kids are ridiculous

[@smol_chilli_pepper]

That is soo cute

[@mkatcavanaugh]

My grandmother's favorite story is telling me how back in high school, she used to have a kitchen drawer full of class rings and would slip on the right one before each date. She told me she would famously make plans with different people for the same night, and whomever showed up first was who she went with. One night apparently she was sneaking in the back door from an early date for another one while my great grandmother had to entertain the boy waiting in the parlor. She said "Hank, I'm so sorry. Barbara must be running late" and he responded "ma'am, my name is Joseph".

[@karenk2409]

Your grandmother was a master player!

[@Sophie_Pea]

I’d love to see this in a move lol

[@moononthewindynight27]

Disgusting manipulation

[@mellie4174]

😂😂😂😂😂

[@mkatcavanaugh]

My dating history however pales in comparison 😅 growing up she'd see me home on a Saturday night and be confused as to why I didn't have give dates lined up. 🤷‍♀️

[@bossyboots5000]

The one thing those books didnt address was how much the option for social activities was so limited to dates. So if you were a girl who was shy, or had strict parents, or didnt meet the beauty standards of the time... well then, you spent an awful lot of time alone on the weekends. I think part of the reason girls dated around so much was bc it was one of the only options for socializing and leaving the house.

[@mellie4174]

Excellent point. Karolina touched on it briefly but didn't expand.

[@amberadams9310]

Yeah my grandparents were remembering a girl that went to high school with them All the guys apparently wanted to ask her out… and they were all terrified of her father so no one did

[@TheMariemarie16]

There were a lot more organized social clubs and most people participated in church so yes there was no mall and no Starbucks but there were other things for a girl to do.

[@bossyboots5000]

@@TheMariemarie16 True, I did forget about the kind of clubs that would pop up. Though my understanding was that they tended to be gender divided? Like a sewing club with all women. Or a cigar club that was all men.

[@michelleobrien6996]

My mother's era was 1950s, but she lived in Australia. Perhaps you are right about dating being the primary way to have a social life - in 1950s America. My understanding is that in 1950s Australia most young adults (male and female) went to the local dance every Saturday night and there wasn't a culture of casual dating.

[@ashleygreenslade2344]

Suddenly Archie Comics make more sense.

[@roseannevandijk2095]

Yeah now I understand it all much better. I could never wrap my head around the constant switch between Veronica and Betty.

[@jammjumble9928]

Betty and Veronica comics are the only reason I knew that 50s dating was casual. They constantly go on dates with random guys

[@heeloo2997]

I was thinking the same thing! They constantly dated around

[@jessicalukram74]

Yes

[@helenlong8988]

Yesss! I actually knew a lot of these dating terms and customs already from being obsessed with Archie comics as a kid!

[@graceanderson7933]

I'm glad I wasn't a teenager in the 1950s because I sure as hell wouldn't have the energy for all that

[@happytofu5]

Haha me too. But I am sure introverts exited back then as well.

[@mschmidt62]

I think the overall expectations of academic achievement were lower. A lot of folks didn't go on to college before the college boom of the 1960s. In the late 70s, my social circle consisted of the "honors" courses with a lot of people intending to apply to competitive colleges. We were busy!

[@cogitorium1089]

Nowadays your brain is overstimulated with shiny pictures online and on tv, so it's tired all the time. Back then when it comes to things one can do at home you had like 3 tv channels and maybe a library nearby, so people had to socialize or they'd be crazy bored.

[@magdam8290]

If you didn''t have the internet, you would have energy

[@graceanderson7933]

@magdam8290 Actually, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't lol. The internet has nothing to do with my introversion. If I was around in the 50s I'd probably be at the library reading all the time

[@timriehl1500]

I had also read that in the US, it was up to the girl to stop the boy from going "too far". The idea was that boys were naturally sexual and girls had the responsibility of setting limits. Then when WWII came around, and young men were sent to the UK, American dating culture clashed with British dating culture. British girls expected that boys who "tried something" meant the boy was in love and wanted to marry them. American men who dated British girls were surprised at how "easy" they were! So there were many situations where Amercian boys tried something and the British girl didn't stop them and then were shocked when the Yank wasn't making marriage plans with them!

[@hhale]

the book "'Overpaid, Oversexed, and over Here': The American GI in World War II Britain" might be of interest to you.

[@TReel-vz7eh]

@@hhale Thanks; I'll put it on my list!

[@ineedhoez]

😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@Schneeeulenwetter]

this is so funny, bc we had that in philosophy class. how a kiss meant something else / another base int he US than in the UK (eventho they spoke the same language) and led to many misunderstandings

[@skadigemini]

Ha! How funny.

[@katebryan2305]

My God. I got exhausted just listening to that diary. I feel like the diary helped her organize all these dudes 😂

[@MichaelRainey]

That wasn't a diary, that was a catalog.

[@drewgoin8849]

I thought it was hilarious when Karolina said, "She's for the streets!"

[@IAmBene]

As someone who is super interested in life in different eras, it's such a weird feeling every time I think "Wow, it would be super interesting to live in that time for a while!" and then remember that I'm gay.

[@hollyingraham3980]

They didn't just invent same sex involvement! You ought to be checking academic stuff on what was going on behind the curtains back then.

[@IAmBene]

@@hollyingraham3980 I know my queer history, I know what was going on behind the curtains. But I know that if I ever pulled the curtains open, it would be bad. History is queer, we have always existed, but it was a very different experience from the heteronormative mainstream. That's kinda what I meant by my original comment: I see these videos about life in different eras, like this one, and imagine myself in that time, but then the realization kicks in. I wouldn't be bringing home a different boyfriend every week, I'd have to bring home a girlfriend or nobody at all. Gay dating in the fifties was a very different beast. And then I remember that I'm trans, and that complicates the fifties fantasy even more. The past is never just a playground for me, I can't help thinking about the implications, the atrocities committed against people like me. When I imagine myself in the fifties, or in any other time where my people were oppressed, I'm never just a guy, I have to be a rebel, and while that's a neat fantasy, it's limiting, and brings with it another harsh realization: The fact that I'd probably not be a rebel, I'd be closeted and depressed. Sorry for writing a whole dissertation, I've got a lot of thoughts and feelings on the topic.

[@hhale]

You would have casually dated the opposite sex and most people wouldn't think a thing of your sexuality, even as you secretly did your own thing in the closet. That's how Rock Hudson got by in Hollywood in that era. Where things would get complicated is if the women (assuming you are male) you dated started talking to each other and compared notes. "He never tries anything" or "he didn't even try to kiss me goodnight." If you were lucky, they'd write it off as shyness. If you weren't, someone might muster up the courage to ask, then you had a decision to make. Coming out was not something you did. Getting caught even kissing someone of the same sex...nightmare scenario. Best of times, worst of times, really.

[@dextro_whatever]

Oof skill issue (what am I talking about I’m also gay)

[@mamasimmerplays4702]

Yeah living in an era when we're all allowed to marry the consenting adult of choice is precious, and worth fighting for as the bigots try to take that away again.

[@anxiety4daysmusingmedic891]

This is my grandmother's dating time period. She was a hussy, unapologetic, and complicated. I miss her dearly. She had multiple boyfriends at her nursing home where she eventually passed. ❤

[@MultiEquations]

Such a legend.l

[@jennymunday7913]

I love her. I'm glad you had her in your life.

[@fishtank39]

i hope we one get a romcom based in a nursing home with the female lead based on your grandmother

[@readmachine18]

"A hussy" 😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@LilArrowInkorperated]

❤❤❤

[@ComandanteToht]

We can all agree that Dick Gunn was the obvious choice

[@Miner-dyne]

Seriously, just the name... Hal had no chance

[@LilArrowInkorperated]

😂😂😂

[@chronischgeheilt]

So basically, GREASE isnt even that unrealistic.

[@jessicagamesyt]

Grease was so corny 💀

[@kirstenpaff8946]

I once asked my grandma how she met my grandpa. She answered something along the lines of "A friend set us up, but I was a little worried, because I had another date earlier that day."

[@Cakesblue74]

Honestly, I think for teenagers it is fine to date multiple people, in the sense of never going steady. Instead, I think it's nice to go and do activities with people you like, without the weird pressure of having to commit. I think it forces teens to act more adult and mature. I wish I hadn’t had the pressure to go steady with people after one or two dates.

[@Cakesblue74]

I mean, I think making teens be super monogamous when they date is a bit bizarre imo. I'm not saying they should cheat, but making them commit right away is not great.

[@marcilk7534]

I told my son when he got into middle school that he didn’t need to have girlfriends. He could spend time with girls as friends. This is my modern version of that idea, since dating has so much pressure now for sex.

[@darkstarr984]

The idea of going steady with people only, only because you like each other, absolutely turned me off the very idea of dating as I just… have no interest in that sort of thing. I didn’t want to do anything but hang out with my friends as a teenager and as an adult I don’t particularly function well with the idea of having a singular relationship where someone is every kind of thing to you. People need just friends.

[@tarathoughts13]

Yea, like it’s not a good thing to play multiple people at a time don’t get me wrong, but I can forgive it more easily if you’re a teenager.

[@hulking_presence]

The only sane and non-disgusting comment here.

[@karenk2409]

My Dad (born 1925) told me there were just as many premarital pregnancies as today, but the difference was, they got married. Lots or premature firstborns. Also, dating was an event - you didn't "hang out," you actually did something, like movie or a meal or a picnic. Girls were divided into good girls and otherwise ... if you wanted to be prime marriage material, you said no and took it slow. The risk of pregnancy was very real, and could be devastating for the girl's future and reputation, pretty much forever, if marriage didn't occur before the child was born.

[@cynthiamurphy3669]

I'm 70 and am acquainted with two women (one about 72 now, the other my mom's cousin (80-something now) who got pregnant in their teens and were quietly sent out of town to a catholic unwed mother's home here in Ohio to have their babies, both of whom were adopted. I imagine a whole lot of that went on in this country, whether you were catholic or not. The now 72-year-old gal strangely enough had her baby, came back home and kept the boyfriend, married him, and they never had any other kids. A few years ago, she was contacted by this daughter who had been adopted and was now a wife and grandmother herself. The daughter questioned her biological mom about her father, if she possibly knew her father's whereabouts. Of course, the daughter was naturally upset when she found out her biological parents had actually gotten married. The whole business was upsetting to everyone (the adoptive parents in particular), but I was told they did all get together at least one time.

[@noth1ng5id]

My Dad was born "premature" 😅 I think him and his siblings just ignored it? Like nobody really had a problem telling me but you can't say anything straight to them? The mental gymnastics people will go through

[@ritamucci]

@@cynthiamurphy3669my grandmother has told me multiple stories of female friends, relatives and classmates at her conservative catholic school “mysteriously” disappearing for months

[@annabeinglazy5580]

Oh yh my grandma once told on herself by ranting about how much more health "premature" Babies used to be. My sis works in a neonatal unit, mostly with premature Babies, and my Gran for some reason boasted that her sisters Kid was 4kg (Not Sure how much thats in pounds but it's... Not a weight a premature Baby would have) and super healthy and my sis and I really Had to Work hard to keep straight faces. "Premature" uhuh.... 😂

[@clockside]

​@@cynthiamurphy3669I'm only in my 30s, so there's a lot I don't understand about how things just Were back then... Why were people angry about the bio parents having gotten married at a later point in time??? They clearly weren't capable of caring for the child at the time, so it was for the good of the child to be adopted by a family that COULD give her the proper care and love she deserved. Did society really have such a strong social demand for unmarried people who got pregnant to either commit to a lifetime with someone they weren't sure they'd want to stay with or else end the relationship forever??? I'm divorced, childfree, and have multiple family members who have been involved with adoption and foster care (as adoptees, adoptive parents, and foster children), to give you a sense of where my perspective is coming from. I see the situation of that woman you know as having worked out probably the best it could have, especially given the time frame of events. The bio parents were able to figure their lives out on a timeline that was appropriate for their needs, the child got a home that took care of her better than the bio parents could have, and the adoptive parents got a child to raise and love as their own. Why would the child and her parents be upset at the bio parents for something totally unrelated to the child?? I'm just so completely and genuinely confused...

[@kirstenpaff8946]

My guess as to why there was so little dating advice for older (>25) women was that it was assumed that if you were looking for a husband at that age you had either already been married (and were then widowed or divorced) and knew how to get a man, or there was no hope for you.

[@bossyboots5000]

There are still people today who think women over 25 are "used up" and "saggy/gaping" so there's no purpose in even considering them as a romantic partner. Usually said by incels and incel adjacent. But damn, the number of times I've read comments likr that online.

[@beerelf6397]

In USSR you were marked "old birth giver" (idk how to translate this in english) after 25 in medical documents. This was so cemented in people mind that in nursing school in 2010s our teachers still felt the need to remind us - no it is not the norm anymore, please drop this sh*t

[@DoritoBot9000]

Ironically my grandmother married at 30, and she had where to choose from, lol

[@bossyboots5000]

@@beerelf6397 In the US I believe the term they still use is "geriatric pregnancy" when a woman 30+ yo is pregnant. In English the word "geriatric" refers to people who are like 80 years old. So yeah, it's offensive here too.

[@beerelf6397]

@@bossyboots5000 oh yes, it gives off the same flavour

[@bellemoore9534]

In some sociology or history class during college, we learned that 1950s "casual dating" was encouraged by parents because "going steady" meant you were way more likely to be having the sexxx. So exclusivity was discouraged because people assumed it would lead to pre-marital intercourse.

[@Sly-Moose]

Next time you're grandma tells you, "Oh the things I got up to when I was your age! 😊" SHE MEANS IT! 😭

[@bluegirl4079]

The older my mother got, the more she told me about her "love life" in high school. She was a bit of a wild child. She worked as a ticket taker and usherette at the local movie theater and knew everyone in town. She also told me she like to go "parking!" She and my dad were so strict with me in high school, probably because she was so wild! LOL

[@user-rn8wb6kn3x]

Lol

[@tabbitee]

2020's dating culture: WE'RE the wildest! 1950's dating culture: no WE'RE the wildest! 19th century Denmark: *clears throat*

[@quantumblur_3145]

"we're special," screamed the unremarkable

[@trudyannbuckley]

Okay now I need to know about 19th century Denmark XD

[@crowned_crow493]

What was dating culture like in 19th century Denmark?

[@ruthalysse4096]

Commenting so I can hear the answer to this when someone replies xD

[@nilawarriorprincess]

I need about Denmark to know too!

[@agargoyle12345]

I was raised by my grandmother -- a 50s housewife! People forget a 30ish year old 50s housewife was a 20ish year old on the WWII homefront and was a 10ish year old during the Depression. My grandmother's first job was in a factory assembling army boots. Women without children were expected to do 48 hours minimum a week. There was also weekly mandatory blood drives--she was very proud of the fact she had donated ("donated") over 40 gallons of blood! She couldn't break up with her first boyfriend because there was a great stigma against writing a Dear John letter. She always felt great guilt at not being too devastated when he died in France, partly because of all the sympathy people gave her. When she'd been a girl, she'd owned 3 dresses and during the winter, had to wash one each night, while wearing two, rotating layers. Her father was gone for weeks on end, because he could only find work miles away, and they couldn't afford for him to come home each weekend. My great-grandmother farmed a 10-acre 'garden' on her own, with only 4 elementary aged girls for help. She also hired the whole lot of them out as a housekeeper and cleaners in the evenings -- she'd fix meals and do laundry while the girls scrub the house. They weren't paid, they just got free meals for it, which allowed them to sell most of the produce and eggs. She left school at 15, having gotten her 8th grade education. By the 50s, she was married with kids. And of course she encouraged her kids to date, and enjoy their youth! She herself WANTED to be taken care of and not have to be the one ultimately responsible for things.

[@leileleileleile]

This video makes me think that much of the contemporary idealization of the 50s as the “good ol’ days” (no sex before marriage, going steady, women totally subservient to men) is a construction of the present to serve 21st century aims (conservatism, eg) rather than an accurate reflection of what life was like in the 50s

[@xoica]

it’s easy to romanticize a decade you didn’t live through and have only see movies about lol

[@cookieface80]

It's created by 1950s media which was heavily censored.

[@JeremyLevi]

Bingo!

[@kathleenkirchoff9223]

But rabid feminists today have a twisted view of how women were mis treated in traditional roles which is not accurate either. My mom had a career in the Marine Corp and as a telephone operator before meeting my Dad in college. She chose to stay home to raise us kids. I never saw the women in my neighborhood oppressed as housewives. But modern media makes those women look held down by domineering men.

[@a.5326]

​​@@kathleenkirchoff9223 Okay, but the status quo was still for women to stay home and be subservient. Just because you didn't see it, doesn't mean it wasn't what was expected by much of society. WWII forced women into roles that traditionally men had, then when they came back, the pushback came from men who strictly wanted a housewife and women not wanting to let go of the choice to work in those roles. Partially why feminist kicked up a notch so women could have the CHOICE. It's really not that deep.

[@Sly-Moose]

So this begs the question, if our grandmas were like this, HOW did the rules become so strict nowadays with hussy shaming and all? Like, was it out of guilt/shame that the grandmas had and taught their kids to not be like them? Outside forces? Both?

[@kirstenpaff8946]

I think there is a much stronger association between dating and being in a sexual relationship nowadays than there was in the 50s. Women are still judged quite harshly for having multiple sexual partners and if a woman has a lot of boyfriends, then the modern assumption is she also slept with a lot of guys. Also, people tend to forget the crazy shenanigans they got up to as teens once they become the parental authority figures that teens are rebelling against.

[@curlzOdoom]

Honestly, what quantumbler said, AND the chockehold of purity culture in the 90s and early 00s.

[@K.C-2049]

@@curlzOdoom the 90s and 00s definitely saw a backlash to feminism in the 70s and 80s that was the progenitor of the manosphere types we're seeing now. it seems like every time in the last 200 years or so, whenever there's a push for women's liberation there are people pushing back against it, and in those decades they were more than happy to spew their shit in pop culture and force it down everyone's throats. I mean look at the 1950s tradwife propaganda that the manosphere is referring to now. it was never a representation of reality, more men trying to get women back under control once they had begun working outside the home during WW2 (or so is my understanding of it). oh oh and also, I think we can see the purity culture definitely as a response to the expanding availability of birth control. like if we can't SCARE them into not having sexual autonomy, we'll SHAME them.

[@ember9361]

@@curlzOdoom fr like they called men who showered "metrosexuals" 😭

[@Mynnia]

Movies being taken for reality and the widening influence of fringe groups thanks to the internet.

[@acecat2798]

Personally I'd be very interested to hear what dating was like for Karolina's grandparents' generation in 1950s Poland.

[@reneaisak]

Before October 1956: What do you think about Joseph S and commanders but quiet ? After Polish October 1956: WILD!

[@mellie4174]

Yes!

[@hulking_presence]

@@reneaisak I learned to find it funny that we russians live in your heads rent free 😁

[@magdam8290]

Dating culture in Poland was extremely influenced by Catholic church in the 50s and beyond. That means a purity before marriage, sex out of wedlock was considered as a sin. People felt guilty and ashmed about their sexuality. Women were afraid to be considered easy by men. Many women married their first and only boyfriend. Dating wasn't viewed as fun, recreational activity, but as a way to find a spouse.

[@sharimeline3077]

@@hulking_presence No, not the "russians." Just assholes forcing a regime on a country that didn't belong to them. Sit down.

[@empressmarowynn]

Even though my grandparents married in the 1930s they had similar experiences. My gram was super popular and every guy in the neighborhood wanted to go out with her. She dated pretty much everyone as a teen but in her 20's she eventually narrowed it down to my pap and another guy. My pap was kind of wishy washy on whether he wanted to be serious because he was having too much fun being a bachelor and playing with his band (so ridiculously modern day) so she literally moved several states away to become a nanny until he figured his nonsense out. She wrote to both of them while she was there and since she liked my pap more she gave him an ultimatum. She said that the other guy was ready to propose if he thought she'd say yes and if my pap wasn't interested anymore that's exactly what she was gonna do. That finally got him moving so she came back, he proposed, and then they were married for over 60 years. She said not to take any crap from guys because it wasn't worth it. Thanks gram.

[@lfgifu296]

I love how it was sort of like picking one’s clothes- try on as many as you need before you find the right one to invest on. Also Dogalina had me dead💀

[@quantumblur_3145]

"was?"

[@lfgifu296]

@@quantumblur_3145 because this is an educational video on the 1950s dating culture. My verb tense was referring to the 1950s, and not used to imply that today it’s not like that.

[@quantumblur_3145]

@@lfgifu296 ah, I see. My mistake!

[@lfgifu296]

@@quantumblur_3145 enjoy the video:)

[@cinemaocd1752]

This is the exact premise of half the comedy in Back to the Future. The young man in the supposedly permissive 80s, has a steady girlfriend and his mother is a bit of a player and far more assertive than one imagines from the supposedly demure 50s.

[@wisconsieee]

Oh my gosh thank you for bringing in this reference! Love ittt😄

[@Miannemih]

This is why I love Grease! People thought teens in the 60s or 70s were too wild or sexual or dated too loose. But the writers, Jacobs and Casey (two men who would’ve been dating during high school in the 50s), came together to say “Hey! If you dated in the 50s you probably all dated most of your school! You can pretend everyone was so modest and virtuous back then but we know the truth!” 😂

[@briannas.1912]

I know you probably mean both of the writers dated women but the way I read it, I was like : GAY!

[@jeanboden8198]

My church growing up emphasized casual dating until 18. The purpose was to help you meet many different people and learn what qualities are important to you. I followed that idea and am so glad I did! Dating my husband was a breeze because I knew what I did or didn’t want. It is funny watching this video because it isn’t wild to me lol.

[@hopetikvah4906]

Are/were you by any chance LDS? That's the main church I've heard of that tends to encourage those sort of dating practices

[@jeanboden8198]

@@hopetikvah4906 You hit the nail on the head! Yup.

[@hopetikvah4906]

@@jeanboden8198 Seems like a good way of doing things to me. A lot of kids I knew who got too serious with their boyfriends/girlfriends too young got distracted from their schoolwork, or were tied down to the first person they dated, who wasn't always the healthiest choice. It ended up being quite codependent a lot of the time, where they wouldn't hang out with their other friends, but were joined at the hip.

[@jeanboden8198]

@@hopetikvah4906 Totally get that. I saw that with my friends too. It gave me lots of fun memories of getting to know people and doing fun activities! I still had boys I had bigger crushes on but they never progressed until I was in college. I have seen the people who got together that young change so much and their relationships suffer because they aren't who they were in High School. It is by no means a perfect system, and as a teen you can feel lonely without having that one person, but I wouldn't change my experience for the world.

[@gabbsaton]

Hahah I was going to say, the group dates, the dating several people, the actually going on a fun date-- all of it is how I grew up. Dating was a blast! I didn't realize it was so wild in today's culture. 😆 I wish more young people would just have fun and get to know each other without trying to grow up so fast.

[@mollieanne]

My mom kept the sweet letters my dad wrote my mom in the 1950s when they were apart, but going to get married. She was in Wis, and he was going to school in North Dakota. My dad wrote her a letter a day for a whole year. I was able to have them after my parents past away. I read them all last year and they were so fun and sweet and funny too.

[@SoVidushi]

That is so sweet omg, just like in the notebook.

[@darrinscott6612]

My dad was dating around this time, and this basically checks out, though I'd note my dad mentions that sex in casual relationships among young adults (less so teens) was pretty common, in part because the parents had less control. Being chaste until marriage wasn't the norm. It was just more taboo to talk about. I'd also note that sexually active teenagers aren't as common as you might think even today. The CDC cites 55% have had sex by the age of 18. Almost certainly the majority of 16 year olds have never had sex.

[@K.C-2049]

I'm starting to think that everything we hear about the MoRaLiTy of the 1950s from these redpill manosphere types (the chastity of women, the sanctity of marriage, reinforced gender roles and the tradwive garbage) is really just reliant on social control propaganda that was prevalent then and is still prevalent now, rather than anything that actually existed.

[@bossyboots5000]

There have been countless reports stating Gen Zers are having less sex bc they're just so turned off by people's behaviors, the risks associated with it, and how gross it's gotten (such as things like revenge porn).

[@zvezdoblyat]

​@@bossyboots5000but also many more sexual activities and teenage pregnancy by children as young as 13 years old

[@bossyboots5000]

@@zvezdoblyat you literally just "but also" then completely contradicted what I said lol. I'd like to know your statistics on that bc it's the opposite of everything I've read. In fact, 13 yo getting pregnant seems to have been far more common in the past, when we didn't discuss the sexualization of children, there was no sex ed (though our current standards are lacking) and a lack of access to birth control

[@zvezdoblyat]

@@bossyboots5000 there are more young adults not having sex because of information of STDs, STIs, HIV, etc. combined with not wanting any possibility of having a child at such a young age. But there are also increased rates of early teens having sex. I'm sure you can find the info if you look it up, maybe similar to where you're sourcing your countless reports from.

[@thisisjeff9845]

My grandparents were married in 1957. My grandma always told me that there's no point in dating someone if you're not sleeping with them. She was only a little bit bit pregnant when they got married.

[@lenas6246]

allo brained take

[@ember9361]

@@lenas6246 or aromantic. Regardless, cringe comment

[@Downhomeherbwife]

My paternal grandmother was also a little bit pregnant with my father when they married. On the other side of my family, my great great grandmother was 8 months pregnant when she married my great great grandfather (per the records of the Lutheran church.)

[@carpevinum8645]

My grandparents never celebrated their wedding aniversary. One year as a child/teen my mum did the maths and figured out he brother was definitely already on the way. My grandfather was a sailor. Mum was born 1957, so would have been 1955, I think.

[@franciscrozierera]

@@ember9361 other people have different experiences and opinions than you, get over it

[@just_foxy35]

"people have always been people" is such a true statement, no matter what was seen as "moral" or "the way to do things" or whatever, people have always been doing the same things, it would just sometimes be a bit easier or a bit harder, sometimes be more open and sometimes more secretive. people will always be people

[@getabiggerboat]

This is where I get to tell one of my 100% most favorite stories. My mom is a product of the 50's. She attended a university where there was a women's college and a men's college. In those days, the women's college campus was separate from the men's. She told me that you could tell who had a date on Friday night because those girls came to class with their hair rolled in orange juice cans. This scene with the lucky girls with dates showing up to class with their hair all rolled for the big event is absolutely the most 50s thing.

[@semoremo9548]

To me this is just further proof of what I always say. People have always been people. Some cheat, some break up and make up multiple times, some lie... just generally messy, like we are to this day.

[@thetillerwiller4696]

I sorta was hoping that Karolina would talk about 1950s Polish dating culture. It would be nice to compare US culture with it

[@hhale]

Given that it was dominated by Soviet occupation and the country only very slowly recovered from World War II? Not the sort of place that was all that pleasant. Americans don't realize at times just how easy we had it back then relative to other countries.

[@thetillerwiller4696]

@@hhale exactly the reason why I want to know the differences. Nothing makes you appreciate what you have more than knowing what others went through.

[@hermenegildakociubinska6665]

I'd guess that between re-building of the country after the war, the electrification of the countryside, "hero" labourers and the wonders of the Party, teenagers' social life had little chance to become the subject of a publication.

[@partiellementecreme]

@@hhale so? It's still interesting. If Karolina and other Poles are alive today, it's because Poles in the '50s were attracted to each other and made a new generation, despite the communism.

[@Tatiana_Palii]

​​@@partiellementecreme my granny (who happens to be ethnically Polish) was a teen in the 1940's-1950's USSR, and she remembers being less interested in boys than other girls were (that's our family trait) she was more of a tomboy, but there were still crushes, parties, dancing, school prom, etc. She married relatively late, at 31, and she seriously dated some guys before that obviously. My grandad from the other side of the family married early in the 1950's because of his girlfriend's pregnancy, and later met my granny and divorced his first wife.

[@SibylleLeon]

The boyfriend tally-up has me wheezing. Soooo funny! You go girl! 🤣

[@rachaelmarks2170]

I read Sylvia Plath's diaries and was so confused about all the boyfriends that I tried to count them. I'm sure I missed some, but there were around 30 and they all seemed horrifying.

[@mysticalarrow1]

Dear Diary: Teen drama of the 50s reads just like the teen drama in my highschool during the 2000s XD

[@raraavis7782]

'Do you battle or do you suffer?' I'm dead 💀

[@BloodInTheStrawberries]

"Will you fight? Or will you perish like a dog?"

[@reno.corona]

The general idea I always got was, because sex wasn't common practice in school relationships, the stakes for dating people weren't so high. It was just to have a partner for social gatherings ("going stag" existed I'm sure, but seems less common.) I guess that was mostly true. However, one thing the book experts would never address was the lack of sex ed and awareness probably led to a lot more communities being like "The Last Picture Show" than anyone cared to admit!

[@Takejiro24]

What's "The Last Picture Show"?

[@alvarodiazrodriguez2603]

I also want to know what this last picture show is.

[@eldorados_lost_searcher]

Archie's relationship with Betty and Veronica makes so much more sense now.

[@Sunbeargirl-]

You make a good point!

[@trudyannbuckley]

Some study came out like 5 years ago or so and I listened to a podcast about it. It was "Science Answers: What's the Best Way to Find your Soulmate?" or something along those lines. Scientists had surveyed tons of people, their dating style, their happiness in marriage, and all. Their advice for the happiest relationships was: date casually when you're young. Don't take any relationship too seriously for the first few years. Date all sorts of people and get a feel for the kind of person you get along with best. Then, when you're ready to settle down, you'll be able to find your serious partner in the haystack easily. Hearing that's what it was more or less like in the 50s and society decided we should CHANGE it is WILD! I'm pretty annoyed tbh. lol Pinning a boy's ability to control themselves on the girl he's dating is the stupidest shit ever though- and seeing that idea persist into the modern day is maddening.

[@tamarrajames3590]

Puberty sucks, and hormones always played a role back then…they likely still do today. You are right, putting the onus on the girls to keep control of the situation wasn’t fair. The reasoning was that boys were driven sexually, and girls were less susceptible to their own hormones and sexual drives…which wasn’t always the case. Girls tended to make excuses, which the boys attempted to find ways around until the girl either got mad and demanded to be taken home, or gave in a little, and tried to set a new boundary. Before going on a date, my Sister and I were always given a $5.00 bill called “mad money”. We weren’t to spend it unless we got mad with our date, and needed to see ourselves home by taxi. It was a pretty standard thing between Mothers and Daughters back then, and gave us a sense of security, as we didn’t need to depend on our date to get us home.🖤🇨🇦

[@JUMALATION1]

My grandma got "courted" by a guy (my grandpa) at work. She started working as an errand girl at a bank, and he was an errand boy. They were like 14 or 15 and one day my grandpa asked her "will you be my girl?" and she said yes. They got married at 19 after my grandma's dad died (he never accepted his future son-in-law, he was a bit possessive over his daughter). They lived a very turbulent life full of ups and downs, but they still somehow worked it out until my grandpa passed away in 2009. I'll have to ask my grandma for more details about their early dating life the next time I see her.

[@tarawolf425]

As the Beach Boys said "none of the guys are going steady 'cause it wouldn't be right to leave your best girl home on a Saturday night."

[@katykatmeow5159]

I highly recommend the book, "Bad Girls: Young Women, Sex, and Rebellion before the Sixties" by Amanda H. Littauer. I read it for a class last semester and the later part of the book talks a lot about 1950s dating culture. The book also discusses stuff such as the affect of WWII on dating and sex, the reactions of American women to the publishing of the Kinsey report, and the experiences of young queer women in the 40s and 50s.

[@gostovahs8121]

My grandparents were young adults from the late 40's early 50's, and I can remember my grandma griping to me 'all the kids now a days (this would have been the 90's) want to be in longterm relationships... highschool is supposed to be about casually dating lots of people! Stress about long term stuff later'. So from what i gathered from her this seems on the money

[@karenk2409]

It was about "playing the field," certainly not sleeping with the field. That's the difference between then and now. Once you start having sex, there is an expectation that this is a long-term commitment, at least for most women. The neutral area between flirtation and sex has disappeared.

[@fran4636]

This makes a lot of things my grandfather taught his kids about dating make more sense, like "all's fair in love until they're engaged."

[@stephaniehorne6692]

She dated more guys in one year than I have in my life!

[@Pannalovegood]

I remember reading something, a book, a short story, an article maybe, don't remember, but it was from around 50s in US from the perspective of a father who was worried that his daughter would only see one boy 😅 He wished she would go out with other boys "like other girls do". The implication was that it was dangrously too serious

[@acecat2798]

Thank you for doing this video! As someone who watches and reads a lot of stuff from the 1950s, it's always bizarre to me when older people (who were children at the time) try to tell me that nobody dated casually, had hookups, mixers-- personal ads in the newspaper weren't that different from online dating profiles either. Like the very idea that you have a "best girl" or are "pinned" or "going steady" implies that this is a significant commitment compared to your more casual dates with different people at the same time. And that's not even getting into key parties and open marriages, or the common issue of separation without divorce (to the degree that you might hire someone to be "the other woman" in court before no-fault divorces were common, or you might have to hire someone to track down a spouse that left so you can marry someone else). Heck, it's not rare to find that somebody was married briefly as a teenager "but it didn't take" and they had it annulled.

[@jcasillas78]

Great video! Maybe this could be a series, dating in different eras? When I was in high school in the states (90's) we still had a "Sadie Hawkins Dance" where girls asked out the boys. Supposedly named after the first girl to ask out a boy.

[@emilyrln]

My high school in the mid 2000s had a yearly Sadie Hawkins dance. Wonder if they're still around in schools today.

[@andrewtime2994]

Sadie Hawkins was a character in the "Li'l Abner" comic strip by Al Capp that ran from 1934 to 1977. She couldn't get a date so the town decided to have a dance where the women invited the men. Sadie Hawkins Day was a running joke on the strip for years.

[@The_Licker]

​@@emilyrln I'm in highschool rn and I never heard of it until we read Perks of Being a Wallflower. Probably died around the early 2010s

[@emilyrln]

@@The_Licker Interesting. Who tends to ask out whom at your school, if you have a sense of it?

[@sentimentalcircuscurator]

When I was a kid we actually had something similar. We called it "asking chance/fråga chans" (Im from Sweden). But this was a pre-going with/boyfriend/girlfriend. You would ask a friend to ask your love interest "Whatsherface wants to "ask chance on you", does she (or he) have a chance on you ? It was basically "introduction/testing the waters"/do you find "this person" attractive ? Would you CONSIDER "going with", dating this person ? and there was NO COMITTMENT OF ANY KIND ATTATCHED. You could have MULTIPLE boys or girls, that had "asked chance" on you, at THE SAME TIME. And often they all knew about the others, and sometimes the same friend group (boys or girls was the same) had ALL "asked chance" on the same girl or boy. THIS DID NOT MEAN THAT THEY WERE YOUR BOYFRIEND.( It was platonic romance, sussing out whether your crush was interested in you, and at what level). That was something that COULD happen later, if you played your cards right. Im not sure this thing exixts anymore though. This was an interesting video. : )

[@wisconsieee]

This is fascinating! Thank you for sharing and explaining it 🙂

[@kimberlybega8271]

Would this be where the lyrics for the ABBA song "Take a Chance on Me" come from?

[@44scotlandstreet87]

YES I remember "asking chance" on two different boys on the same day in 3rd grade lol. This was the 2010s

[@sentimentalcircuscurator]

@@kimberlybega8271 Possibly. Huh, never thought about it like that. I dont know the "lore" of all their songs though. But many of their songs DO have a story, of sorts, so... maybe?

[@sentimentalcircuscurator]

@@44scotlandstreet87 ok so its still going on? Thats so cute!

[@AliFinNoble]

This video reminded me of my grandmother very much! She wants told me when I was in my early teens that I should never say no to a date because it's free food. And then I should date as many men as I can so I find the one that I like. I remember being so bewildered by being told that and my mother's eyes got so big when she heard what lovey had said!

[@MrsDazl]

😄my dad would tell me the "free food" line

[@EmmaCruises]

Plot twist after plot twist in that diary! 😂

[@jfcfanfic]

Was not expecting Emma over here. Love your channel too.

[@MichieHoward]

Perfect for this topic!! One of my favourite Golden Girls episodes Rose: “What's your definition of a boyfriend?” Blanche: “Any man you bring to a fevered pitch of uncontrollable ecstasy.” Rose: “Oh… Fifty-six.” Blanche: “Excuse me?” Rose: “I had about 56 boyfriends. Of course, that was before I knew Charlie. I probably would of had more, but I wasn't allowed to start dating until I was a senior.” Blanche: “Fifty-six? Fifty-six?” Dorothy: “Oh God, stand back. She's gonna blow!” Got to imagine as the ladies were in their late 50's early 60's they were meeting their husbands in the late 1930's to late 1940's

[@AliFinNoble]

My grandmother always used to tell me that she had three boyfriends and she said to herself if "pop" doesn't propose to me then I'm going to break up with him and focus on the other two. Well of course my grandfather did not propose to her so instead she proposed to him in the middle of the diner. Needless to say the other two gentlemen were not pleased 😅

[@kathysharp7551]

"Dear Diary..." 😂😂😂 What a drama queen teen! Even the girls won't talk to her any more. Omg. Wow, 14 was tough for us all, but I'm so glad mine was easier than that! Probably bc I wasn't dating.

[@K80_02]

I wish there were casual dances instead of nightclubs, it seems like it would be good to have a space you can just dance in without drinking and the music isnt too loud, so you can actually get to know someone.

[@minniemoe4797]

And it would be sooo good for weight loss!!! I guess my mother's generation (gen x) was the last one that had dancing spaces not directly connected to alcohol or hook-ups

[@briannas.1912]

Bring back dry clubs!

[@srlee203]

Those diaries read like mid 2000s Livejournal. Vibes.

[@yourfuturewaifu9061]

Wow, what a memory. And a call out.

[@KatieBrB]

I didn't go on a single date in high school, which confused and distressed my grandma. In the 50s, she used to go on a date with a different boy every weekend!

[@ttintagel]

If you haven't already, you should check out some of the educational films about dating that were made in the 1950's. They're wild! Full of parents scared that their teenage kids are running off to get married.

[@canuck3169]

In my early teens (the mid 70’s) I was gifted a box of books by a friend of my Dad’s-his daughter was moving out after getting married. Along with the assorted Harlequin romances, Grooks, The Heart of Darkness (not a romance), The Catcher In The Rye, and some high school required reading literature, was the book `How to Catch and Hold a Man’. The book had been published in the 1960’s, it was gleefully shared with my friends. It talked about-among other things-how to get his attention, how to say no & how to say yes, marriage. and the importance of appropriate underwear (sexy-no granny panties). All in all, those 1960’s beach movies that re-ran continuously on the tv gave a false impression of what was going on datingwise in the 1960’s-with the exception of `where the boys are’ which depicted date rape. Divorce was harder to obtain before the ‘70’s, so breaking off an engagement if you weren’t happy rather than being stuck in an unhappy marriage.

[@acecat2798]

I recently learned how my great-aunt and her husband met. My aunt Mary worked for his aunt, and my uncle was deployed during WWII. Apparently they set it up so that the girls at the store (office? we don't know) would have phone dates, especially with the soldiers who wanted someone to talk to. My great-uncle had talked to another girl named Mary, but there must've been a mixup because he ended up talking to my aunt Mary and hitting it off. When he got leave, his aunt arranged for them to have dinner at their house, and Mary got dolled up in a red dress-- "like waving a flag in front of a bull." They went to a movie, and when they came out the streets were in chaos-- it was V.E. Day. The restaurants were all closed, so they went back to her apartment. She doesn't say what all happened, except that they had hot cocoa and it was way too sweet. The way that Mary's brother and his wife met can be summed up quickly: he walked into church in February wearing aviator sunglasses, and that was it for her. She became friends with Mary to get introduced, wrote her then-boyfriend a Dear John letter and married Mr. Sunglasses like 8 months later. The most scandalous story of all is that my great-grandma was seeing a married man for years, but her daughter at least didn't see anything wrong about it because they were in love and the marriage was unhappy. He eventually divorced his wife for her and they got married and ran a resort. I only learned all these stories recently, but I think they're a good insight into dating and romance in the 40s. I think a lot of people got married quickly in the 40s and were widowed or got divorced (or got stuck and unhappy). Casual dating definitely existed for the whole 20th century, but I think the increased visibility of marriages that fell apart encouraged people to teach teenagers to date around first.

[@brandyjean7015]

Did Mr & Mrs Sunglasses live happily ever after?

[@karenk2409]

There is nothing like a man in uniform to turn a girl's head! I know, because my mother married one (WWII)!

[@supersyncspaz7]

I love the story about your great aunt! It sounds like a movie!

[@brookelynn3567]

The dating stories sound more like a fun but fabricated pop culture column for middle class teens. There was a huge class difference then. For a lot of working class girls like my grandma and older aunts,dating was serious business. It was their only way towards upward mobility and financial support. Love wasn't at the forefront and dating men, not boys as a teen was completely different. My grandma quit nursing school in 1939, to get married at 18. Did not have a happy marriage. My aunts had jobs at 14 and 16, and only dated older, established or more well off men, at least 10-15 years older. These men were divorced, and could afford to support two families, so no money issues there. My aunt's married at 18. The men they married they met at work. One aunt went to nursing school, worked in the cancer ward and married the son of the lady she was treating. lol Her slightly younger sister tried to get married at 14 to what might have been a cartel member or gangster. He'd pick her up in black limos and gave her lots of jewelry. My grandparents put a stop to that when he proposed and she tried to run off. They made her wait until she was 18 to marry. By that time she was working as a dentist receptionist and her future mother in law was there getting her teeth cleaned. The mom told her son to go get his teeth cleaned that week and to chat up the receptionist. He and my aunt were married in about a month. Did they have happy marriages? Not in my opinion, but they were "respectable", had homes and nice things, lived through a lot, had kids and worked things out because they had no other choice. Divorce for women like them wasn't an option. The more stereotypical 50's marriages usually occurred amongst poor women looking for stability.

[@mynamessofus]

Reminds me of a dramatized reading I went to the other day. Consisted of old letters written by H.C. Andersen and his “friends” (lovers) - and let me tell you, dating back then was 👏mes👏sy👏! A lot more entertaining than people might think 😅

[@JanPospisilArt]

Andersen was an extremely dramatic messy bitch, those interested in details - see the video on him by Kaz Rowe.

[@Treia24]

I had actually forgotten how my grandmother (who married in the 1950s) used to complain about "teens these days [1990s]" jumping into going steady on the first date was leading to sexual promiscuity, and now I can't stop laughing

[@debcarroll8192]

I can attest that even in the 70's and early 80's dating was very casual, and it was very much like what you described about the 50's. "Going steady "was still a thing, too-- A guy would get you a bracelet or something like that (or give you his class ring , if he was a senior.) It was mostly about getting to get to know people better and having someone to hang out with. One thing that was good was there were so many places for kids to hang out in, like pizza parlors, movie theaters, arcades, etc.

[@LanaHarlow]

Wow! This was truly eye opening. I used to have all these romantic notions of dating in the 1950s and Regency eras and they were both just so wrong. You are right. And I noticed that "Netflix and chill" is basically the modern version of "parking"

[@ThinWhiteAxe]

As someone who listens to a lot of music from this era (although more from the 60's and 70's than the 50's), this context makes a lot of those songs make a lot more sense.

[@nilawarriorprincess]

At that time, my family had two sets of brothers who both had 2 teenage girls. I had to laugh at "Very little chance for getting in trouble". As both of my great-great uncles daughters were pregnant teens. 😅

[@amyferguson8856]

My mother (dated in the 50s) told me she got married so she could "go all the way" ! She told me many or her friends did this as well !

[@suem6004]

Nothing wrong with monogamy

[@timriehl1500]

My mother was 18 when she got married in 1959. I was born eight months later, lol. I've heard the same--that young people were in a rush to get married just so they could have sex.

[@suem6004]

@@timriehl1500 Nothing wrong with monogamy.

[@awaredeshmukh3202]

​​@@suem6004no, but it is unfortunate that teenagers would feel the need to make a permanently binding legal contract in order to do something that nearly every teenager wants to do. That way lies unhappy marriages that weren't well thought out. Also, one can be monogamous without being married.

[@suem6004]

@@awaredeshmukh3202 Monogamy IS marriage. Sleeping around is the opposite. Leads to disease. Loneliness. Insecurity. Lack of commitment. Unhappy people sleep around. Have seen this first hand. Marriage is better than cheap one night stands.

[@_NaLo_]

4:49 How did you not mention that it was written "by Gay Head" (as stated on the book cover). That's the best name I've seen in months!

[@bossyboots5000]

Omg I missed that 😂

[@phelanii4444]

My grandparents were childhood friends and when they got married, my gran moved into town to be with my grandpa, this was in Bosnia in the 50s. As the woman of the household (taking those duties over from my grandpa's mum) my gran was responsible for the finances as well. Sure, my grandpa was the one working the job that got the money, my gran took care of the farm animals they had and did most of the farm work on our plot of land, but as soon as he got his money, he'd give it all to her and let her do with it what she wanted. Since she was the housewife, she knew better than him where the money needed to go and she made sure that everything ran smoothly. They had a well working system and a lot of trust in each other and I find that beautiful.

[@rhondacrosswhite8048]

But we have to remember that Enovid, the first oral contraceptive, was invented in 1961. Suddenly having sex (the main reason for getting married) was possible without becoming pregnant was possible. That changed the whole dating scene.

[@focusedstudying8993]

Condoms have existed since hundreds of years and in the early 20th century they were already mass manufactured and common for everyone to buy.

[@bossyboots5000]

Agreed that the accessibility of birth control options has def changed dating over the decades since. If a girl could casually buy a pack of condoms or get a bc pill Rx back in the 50s, dating would probably look a lot like it does now.

[@saadamehdi2848]

while it did change the dating scene, that was NEVER necessary not to be pregnant. Historical records show that casual sex was always a thing everywhere except in repressed reformist hellholes. To not be pregnant it suffices to: - do oral - do anal - reciprocate masturbation etc. Just don't put it in the babyhole. So it's never been a material or technical issue... the issue was and mostly still is, the lack of imagination and sensibility of most heteros.

[@missloretta]

It's literally called "The Pill". 🤯

[@rudetuesday]

I was a little kid in the 1970s, so the things in your video were in the process of dying out, but still present in US popular culture through TV shows like Happy Days. "Going steady" was still a concept with older kids at school, but girls wore boys' class rings on a necklace or wore their varsity jackets around school. It was sort of messy, but people are always gonna people.

[@Nadia1989]

25:57 I just remembered a story my Dad told me. When he was a teen, one of his cousins announced her engagement. It was an important event, both families and their closes relatives were invited, and the boy's family hired a photographer to take pictures of the young couple and mailed the prints to the relatives who couldn't be there. The thing is, one of the girl's cousins in the countryside got the news, and was so upset her crush was about to get married he decided to pay her a visit. He wrote to my grandma, got her permission to stay there for a couple of days (I don't know how, you didn't mess with her and live to tell the story), and dragged my Dad to take him to her house. Long story short, she changed her mind, broke off the engagement and decided to get married to Countryside Cousin instead. It was a scandal! Everybody got furious, her parent's almost had a heart attack, Grandma looked like she could commit a murder, and my Dad had to sleep at a friend's house for at least a week. The two cousins had to ask permission to the Church to get married, because first cousin marriage was banned (for understandable reasons), but in the end they were allowed to and the ceremony took place.

[@bossyboots5000]

WOW. 😮

[@recklessmermaid]

Honestly, this is a WAY healthier approach to dating than the purity culture nonsense that has infected our dating culture. One of the reasons that getting married young worked better then versus now is because by the time a young couple was engaged they would have dated many, many people and would actually have an idea of what they like in a partner, compared to now when young engaged couples are often marrying their first or second boy/girl friend The only thing we’ve added is purity culture and casual sex. I think if people were less starry eyed about “finding the one,” they would be more open to dating lots of people and finding a good match instead of trying to change your partner into someone you want because it seems easier than getting a whole new boyfriend. Hot take, but the issue with dating culture now isn’t the casual hookups, it’s the hotbed of puritanical outrage that we exist in.

[@marysueeasteregg]

I suggest you take a look at the Journal of Family Studies article Counterintuitive Trends in the Link Between Premarital Sex and Marital Stability. quoted: "For women marrying since the start of the new millennium: Women with 10 or more partners were the most likely to divorce , but this only became true in recent years; Women with 3-9 partners were less likely to divorce than women with 2 partners; and, Women with 0-1 partners were the least likely to divorce." (poster's notes: In almost all cases, the "1" premarital partner would be the future husband. As I understand it, risk of divorce references risk within first 5 years of marriage. Divorce risk for women with 10 or more partners was only sightly higher than for women with 2 premarital partners -- those two groups had the highest risk.) But yeah, take a look at the whole essay.

[@marysueeasteregg]

You are ignoring a MAJOR reason that early marriages used to be more successful: it was far more possible for people to earn, right out of high school, enough money to buy a house and raise children. I'm in my mid sixties, my husband and I married in our mid-twenties, common for our generation. But I've known several older couples with very successful marriages who got married very young and had not dated anyone else.

[@recklessmermaid]

@@marysueeasteregg fantastic points about the different economic realities the different generations face. But I give major side eye to any “long happy” marriage that occurred at a time before women could open their own bank account or get a credit card. I just can’t glorify those types of power dynamics and domestic inequalities, you can’t tell me that the majority of these women would stay married if they had real choices. I refuse to believe that entire generations of women wanted nothing more than to be subservient to a man, that’s just propaganda

[@louisthegreat1686]

I died at DOGOLINA

[@karenfield3665]

My mom dated another man while she was dating my dad before they got married (this was in the early 80s) and my grandparents thought it was totally normal. The only thing they didn't like was paying for the long distance phone calls! My granddad told me numerous times to "play the field" and date numerous people, and I never really fit that into the context of the older dating culture. Thank you!

[@MaryL-cr7hl]

I'm a teenage girl and sometimes my grandpa asks me how many boyfriends I have and is completely shocked when I tell him none lol I've always wondered why because I thought the dating culture used to be very monogamous, but DAMN now it makes sense!

[@MsVorpalBlade]

"In a world where premarital sex was a rarity"....? This world has never existed anywhere

[@belkyhernandez8281]

I think people nowadays have a different definition of dating. Dating doesn't imply romance or sex. It's just time to get acquainted and be social. People were encouraged to be social in general. It was considered good upbringing to be social. That means knowing how to make others comfortable and show them a good time. Dating was a subcategory of that. I am not quite that old but I was also expected, almost required to go out with friends, see multiple people, know how to dance, converse, play a little bit of music or play games etc. It would be considered almost misbehaving to not engage in these things. In my household and others like me, being social extended to being a good citizen by voting, inviting the neighbors and extended family over for cocktails/meals, volunteering for the local whatever...., and having ritual celebrations to mark my introduction to society ie SWEET 16 or 15 depending.

[@hunbran7939]

My mum passed by saw what I was watching and said "that girl's pretty" :)

[@mjdc2533]

interesting and enlightening. As a teen I use to like reading young adult novels from the 50s and reading about the going steady and dating. It seemed relaxed. More like hanging out with a friend.

[@agimagi2158]

Rachels bow-code video (one of the videos I tend to watch for a pick me up) makes so much more sense now! Thank you!

[@calihhan4706]

Karolina uploading this, while I'm overthinking the situationship I made up in my head (at least to 90%), while I'm still in my pyjamas, watching yt and snacking on a bucket full of cotton candy. And yes, I'm having a bottle of wine too. I have to take notes now. Back to the dating roots!

[@CureSmileful]

I am in love with the outro "anyway, that's all, bye!", as powerful as Jenna Marble's quick "subscribe" and video ends lol

[@sarahgreen238]

Hearing all those diary entries was actually SO encouraging for me. I don't have kids, I never want kids, but I love my 14yr old niece and she is currently going through the exact same things as that 14 yr old was. Thank you so much - seriously!

[@TinaP1234]

My Grandfather told stories of him and his twin brother switching dates for fun. This was late 1930's and early 40's.

[@MichaelRainey]

Every set of twins I've met has done this.

[@abbyshultz]

I grew up a Mormon teen in the 2010s and Mormon teen dating culture was EXACTLY like you described in this video.

[@maryb3909]

My nightmare scenario: Popular influencer reads my diary to the world 😅

[@ThatKenpoGuy]

My grandparents met on a double date in the 40s. They were both going out with a different person but considering they were married around 60 years, I'd say they hit it off pretty well!

[@Rhaifha]

Soo, I have some fun facts in my family history; My great-grandparents couldn't get married in their church because they got pregnant out of wedlock and refused to "confess their sins" in front of the whole congregation. In 1919! Great grandma was a badass who was like "We were just the unlucky ones" (aka everyone is doing it, but they just had the bad luck of actually getting pregnant). And my grandpa lived with my grandma and her family the whole time they were engaged. They were engaged for 5 whole years because they couldn't get a house (early 1950s). They shared a room. 👀 Anyway, I guess my point is that pre-marital sex was super common, even before the invention of birth control.

[@tamarrajames3590]

So we’re homes for unwed Mothers…and couples that “had” to get Married.🖤🇨🇦