A healthier alternative to comparison-based self-esteem

[@D0sTKhan]

Jimmy Hendrix once said something like its not about who is better but who is honest. That turned my mind around.

[@meryllejoyercilla5387]

wow

[@Zenitram9000]

I've grown up with a comparison-based self-esteem, but as you mentioned it lead to unattainable perfectionistic tendencies. Loving myself and showing myself self-compassion definitely mellows things out a lot more and ultimately makes me a happier and more forgiving being!

[@amandameisner9982]

I deal with students that do this all the time due to parents that are hard to please. Thanks for the info!

[@thetarotcottage7262]

*i pray for the universe grant your heart desire I know of a great man 🇺🇸 that can help you manifest your ex back without any delay. he just help me restore my relationship of 2 years back with law of attraction manifestation last week*..

[@zappababe8577]

I like your hat! It suits you, it's a lovely contrast with your dark hair.

[@agsuka]

Struggled with low self esteem my whole life. I was conditioned from a very early age to compare myself negatively to others and I gravitated towards ppl that reinforced this notion (i.e. friends that let me play the designated ugly friend role or choosing partners who would blatantly let me know I wasn't their type). At this point, this struggle is going to stay with me until the end of my days. But currently in therapy where I'm trying to cultivate self-compassion in spite of my low self-esteem.

[@ivancarrasco2128]

I believe self esteem is simply an illusion. You are deciding to positively value yourself based on subjective matters, when in reality you are not "good" or "bad". I think people should start to notice that unless we challenge our values and understand why we think something is good or bad, we won't realise that we really don't have to like or dislike anything about ourselves, we simply have to accept. Self esteem as a concept comes from believing that external factors are part of us. We have to stop seeking outside of ourselfves and start accepting that we are who we are.

[@maxxing1048]

Omg I need this. I have been feeling so shitty about myself. My job situation right now is so far from satisfying especially compared with my friends. I feel like I really need to jump out of this weird loop of thinking and stop beating myself up over these things.

[@zahraamin164]

I compete with myself, not others. ^ This is how I've always thought of this. So every day I strive to be the best version of myself and work on improving or succeeding at my goals and upholding my values.

[@admirbarucija2018]

Thank you so much for this!! I compare myself a lot and seemingly can’t resist 😅

[@PourYourArtOut]

I love that you covered this! I’ve never even really thought about this concept since it’s been such a natural part of my thought process but it really does take a person on a roller coaster when they’re basing their self worth/esteem on various external factors.

[@thetarotcottage7262]

*i pray for the universe grant your heart desire I know of a great man 🇺🇸 that can help you manifest your ex back without any delay. he just help me restore my relationship of 2 years back with law of attraction manifestation last week*..

[@PourYourArtOut]

@@thetarotcottage7262 I would like nothing more than to leave my ex where he is but thank you LOL

[@thetarotcottage7262]

For more details, wh@tsapp him as soon as possible

[@thetarotcottage7262]

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[@thetarotcottage7262]

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[@ThisEvilBunny]

That moment when you have confidence but no self-esteem and are all high-quality glue.

[@mileyroe4877]

My parents compared me to others since I was little. My mom does it outwardly and my dad just chooses his step kids and others over me and only treats me well when he wants money. Thank you for this video so that I can work on myself.

[@johnrainsman6650]

What labeling jerks. If you don't mind my saying that about your own parents.

[@mara-ye7xh]

As a psychology student I found your channel really helpful ❤️

[@michellekluczinske]

I love your realistic explanation of the alternative mindset for those who aren't spiritual/religious. I wish you had a podcast!

[@applecrave1097]

It's not healthy, especially because it encourages an ego base of thinking, vs. the alternative of self-compassion. Self-compassion can also offer a better understanding of others. *This is my oppinion/ observation.

[@lawrencev]

Good point about spirituality. We have to understand why we care so much about being great - we mostly want to be worthy of love. We are worthy of love because we are fundamentally loving

[@lunaryear9938]

So fashionable! As always, clinging on to every word. Thank you 🙏🏻

[@AlexciaWHY]

I naturally started practicing self compassion to enhance my esteem not too long ago. Idk I just got tired of trying to “prove” that I deserve care or respect or deserve anything period lol. It’s been amazing. I do things because I am alive and I have an inherent right to be happy and proud of who I am if someone is looking or not. It’s also a part of my “re-parenting/re-mothering”. If I were talking to a little girl and I heard her say the disparaging things I used to say about myself or others, I wouldn’t be harsh or cruel, I’d be gentle, loving, and encourage compassion for herself and others. Lovely take on things, lovely video 💕

[@csanadlevay4789]

Cute hat Ana, and cute glue analogy :D I a 100% agree with the statements you made, try to be better than your past self instead of comparing yourself. There always will be prettier, smarter, fitter etc person that you can envy. Comparisons can be beneficial to measure growth, but you should compare yourself to your past yourself. There was a really good Ted video about depression, where the presenter said something like this: It's harmful to suggest, you can't feel down, just because someone else is having it worse than you (like children in africa). It's the same, as saying you can't feel good about yourself because someone has it better than you. If this was true only 1 person in the world could feel good about him/herself, and only 1 person in the world could feel bad about him/herself. Anyway, nice video :)

[@danicabozin9697]

Your content is so valuable for anyone to hear and I am very grateful to have found your channel. I love the way you decompose things simply and make it useful for everyone. Keep going, I although I have a lot to catch up to 🙌🍀

[@DistortedV12]

This video deserves an award. Timeless

[@taasch2505]

why is your make up so perfect? You nail it down keeping it really natural looking but at the same time it's clearly visible. I love it so much. my gf does it up the same way but that little glitter was really lovely! I might have to mention this to her lol

[@thetarotcottage7262]

*i pray for the universe grant your heart desire I know of a great man 🇺🇸 that can help you manifest your ex back without any delay. he just help me restore my relationship of 2 years back with law of attraction manifestation last week*

[@SassyL62]

yesss this is soo true.. this way of thinking is leads to veryy fragile confidence I’ve realized

[@gabbygabs5107]

As a follow up to this it would be helpful to hear how you should keep yourself from judging others negatively who do not share the same values. Like with the gossiping example - you don’t need to make them feel bad and you feel good - but what should you do to cope with it? Just find people whose values you align with? But what if you can’t - like in a work or family situation etc.

[@Rizzal169]

this please

[@Anna-io4zh]

Ana, I really really loved this video. You made an amazing video and really put a new notion of ideas rolling in my head, especially with the questions to put things into perspective, especially with walking with disabilities and having self-compassion because this is my life and I might as well enjoy it 😂. Thank you Ana

[@larsswig912]

can't wait til you say "clinical psychology doctorate graduate". you've come so far :)

[@Jasminesim18]

hey ana! can you maybe make a video on how to get over being gaslighted? like how to get over the effects of it? such as feeling crazy, apologetic, and taking the blame when you didn't even do anything wrong?

[@AnaPsychology]

Ooh, great idea!

[@thetarotcottage7262]

*i pray for the universe grant your heart desire I know of a great man 🇺🇸 that can help you manifest your ex back without any delay. he just help me restore my relationship of 2 years back with law of attraction manifestation last week*

[@thetarotcottage7262]

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[@spirit469]

Thank you for making this video I legit sobbed. I really appreciate this.

[@samcorcoran8389]

This is a great video and really brilliant advice! Self-compassion is something I've been working at recently, and it really seems to improve all areas of your life :) thanks Ana! x

[@vidhanmehta9960]

Great video, Anna. I had few meta questions after watching this. How much introspection is healthy for a person to do an a specific timescale(per day, per month, per year) ? What are the negative effects of too much or too little introspection? Is the amount of introspection required subjective to the person or is there any objective value to it? Do ponder on all these and share your thoughts.

[@stefan2005stefan]

Too little is near narcissism . Ongoing understanding of all life ---ie earth is flat is provably true but a hard one for most at first cos ?

[@mekman4]

Thank you for these insights!

[@kendallcooper1075]

i love your channel and i am so so glad i found it! i’m a psych undergrad and your videos and talent are so inspiring to me! thank you!!!

[@mig2cool982]

Something about her confidence is making me feel pretty smitten towards her to be honest. 😌

[@MC-xj4rk]

Your hat is super cool. Awesome videos! Your cheating one helped me with emotion regulation and bigger picture thinking this week. :)

[@marinaalinescu1660]

Haha, love the hat and all your clips. Salutări din România! :) And yes, I've definitely had a lot of this type of self esteem ingrained from my typically Eastern European upbringing.

[@dilasimsekdh]

I love the hat and the make up it's funny and cute 🥰🤩 it shows so much personality!!

[@Benjumanjo]

The solution to self-esteem according to historical religious thought in the west and the east is to not have esteem for yourself at all, to only have esteem for a higher purpose than yourself (typically, God). In the Abrahamic religions this is called 'Humility', others have called it "realizing the illusion of self", that there is no "you"; there just "is".

[@benjamingerrard2213]

I don't watch all your videos but when I do they always help me especially the break up one a while ago...thanks alot

[@erinyilmaz4083]

You look SO gorgeous in this! Also love the video.

[@beastmode6047]

I’ve never heard this argument before, it’s interesting

[@damien86]

I personally think that comparison is how you become egoistic. Self esteem on the other hand isnt based on comparison its self evident.

[@Sabrinajn]

Love your hat, your makeup, your hair … 😘😘😘😘

[@michaelmallal9101]

The fluffy hat is nice. Also the white around eyes.

[@DrEvilMcCookie]

Was going to ask what about comparison-based but on yourself rather than with others but it was kind of answered. Then there was also me thinking how this ties in with growth mindset.

[@SassyL62]

bc we’re always esteeming ourselves based on the contrasting idea…I’ve thought about this

[@thatguynelson]

Loving the hat!

[@mehaktyagi5060]

I deserve compassion ❤️❤️🌸

[@WhoreforShu]

Agreed! You as well as everyone else deserve that! I'm so proud of you for recognizing that and I personally think it would be good if you are proud of yourself for that as well. It can be hard to think that way but man it is great when we do. Keep on at it I'm cheering for you! Even if you have to take time with it, there's nothing wrong with that. What matters is that you allow yourself to be more compassionate with yourself. ❤

[@JoseRodriguez-gx9my]

🌍 LOVE YOU BELIEVE IT WHEN I SAY YOUR ADVICE AND PSYCHOLOGY HELP ME OUT A LOT. LOVE YOU 😁👍🌍

[@Krcko202]

shes giving swan lake. love to see it

[@leightonvandyke5701]

I usually have someone in mind that I want to send these videos to, but I'm afraid it will feel condescending. Wonderful video though, I thought it was really helpful.

[@Gabrielemeimuseum]

Thanks a lot for this video

[@brandonrayner3655]

What an amazing video! I found this really helpful and nice hat btw lol :)

[@sherr0ne.sh1r04]

Great insights, cause then what is the foundation someone has to have when you realise that there are people better than you, cause this is a challenge in it's self and should be welcomed as a chance to improve yourself, sometimes when you listen to pop culture celebrities, one reference being Cardi, you can't hate what you want to become, she said we shouldn't be the why her not me type of girl but rather how can I get close to her to eventually be her type of girl. Comparison built self esteem when challenged will only bring up strong feelings of resentment and jealousy, negative traits that actually hinder your growth....

[@SassyL62]

so what’s the suolution🥺 it’s so crazy i’m coming across this video at random and today i even thought, wow my mom just lived with no preference in a way and it seemed to be the trick. she was so just effortless. she was soo baseline accepting with everything.. just a light

[@FameyRosie]

Thanks for this Ana!

[@joshfromxbox]

I'm a simple boy..... new anna vid, i click 😌

[@anand2a222]

Perhaps only compare your self with nature (and learn from the experience of its processes that it will always be the most compared to, indicating it’s greater attraction force compared to yours)?

[@MariaMilenovasArt]

love it! thanks

[@nuklearrik3567]

Id love to see a video where you talk about how to know your values

[@jazeblaze4350]

Ana, you are amazing

[@no-jc7ml]

thank u i really needed this

[@doyen6565]

Would you consider doing a video on surviving/adapting to the workplace for someone who has some traits of autism since you covered a similar type of video for adults with ADHD?

[@joyfaithlove7948]

Hi. You are brilliant. Keep safe God bless.

[@williamkraemer8338]

Adler, who coined the term self-esteem, said it is a by product of contributing to the well being of your family and community.

[@sebastianwardana1527]

its really difficult to get ridd of comparison based self-esteem while trying to improve yourself, i dont know how to do it, i really am able to go back to the opposite after such a phase... its crazy...

[@growing.flowers]

Define your own healthy point of reference for self-esteem.

[@scenepunk09]

Is comparison ever benificial long term? If there was a button we could press to keep everyone from comparing to one another would that be a good thing? I compare my artwork to everyone else to see if i am progressing at a reasonable rate and whether I am under or over experienced for the class. But it also can lead to alot of pressure for perfectionism. So Im just wondering if it is ever a good thing.

[@AnaPsychology]

I can definitely see it being a motivator sometimes, which is why I refrain from completely discouraging it in this video, but rather advocate for supplementing it :)

[@scenepunk09]

@@AnaPsychology thanks for the quick reply and the videos that u do. They help alot.

[@thetarotcottage7262]

*i pray for the universe grant your heart desire I know of a great man 🇺🇸 that can help you manifest your ex back without any delay. he just help me restore my relationship of 2 years back with law of attraction manifestation last week*

[@thetarotcottage7262]

±2349159558749⏯???????????????

[@tanyasharadamba1264]

Fantastic. What was the Goddess book you mentioned? More please on this topic & being looked over & not chosen.

[@anika.minx_]

I love your lipstick!

[@hotdogflavoureddrink]

Thank you. And you're way prettier than Monica.

[@blaisegirl420]

I love the hat 💖

[@theboombody]

The band Wang Chung was awesome. But if they compared their hits to the hits of other 80's bands, they might be bummed because they aren't as popular as Bon Jovi or Journey. There's a lot of value in being #12 or #4 instead of #1.

[@yeaboy707]

Keep the fuzzy hat!

[@leanio8740]

I forgot who said it but the quotes like, The moment you compare yourself to others, you lost

[@MrDominatord7]

That's a cool hat

[@dariusg7044]

Yeah only makes sense if we actually do have some intrinsic worth (ie: Made in the image of God)

[@TimberWulfIsHere]

Perhaps for you, for others it's like oxygen. Depends what you care about really. I reject complacency, invite efficiency and Performance.

[@willg9764]

I love the hat

[@babys8640]

4:44 bella hadid is shaking

[@zebulunnew3696]

Can you talk about the yearning of validation?

[@joycecardinot9284]

I problaby just had an epiphany hahahah

[@meemoo9064]

Ur furry hat makes you look like a whimsical forest fairy just coming in my life to help me once and disappear suddenly in the air

[@lindahebb4832]

🤗

[@jdt8983]

But what if you're 7 ft 8 have a 180 IQ look like Charlie Hunnam make as much money as Elon Musk have a big package know how to solve world hunger and have never had a man bun nor a handle bar mustache? I mean you would be the perfect man

[@lilmans3395]

this was so convenient wtf

[@DistortedShelf0]

Fluffy hat

[@mustakbelle]

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

[@aliveslice]

9:03

[@trytoo5167]

I dont like how thirsty I am for you Ana. Im here for knowledge and I'm thinking with the wrong head.

[@damien86]

I think self worth based on self compassion is delusional. Take the job of a surgeon. Are you going to feel worth as a surgeon becauese you have self compassion or because you can see you are competent!

[@damien86]

I don't know what I am talking about!