A Narcissist interviews an EXPERT on Narcissism (Feat. Dr. Mark Ettensohn)

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Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. And here I discuss my own personal experience living with narcissistic personality disorder. Including the symptoms and behaviors associated with this disorder, as well as how it has affected my life. I also share some of my coping strategies and how I have been able to manage the disorder, along with helping you understanding your loved ones and their behaviors that may seem almost incomprehensible and potentially hurtful. Hopefully, my channel will provide insight into what it's like to live with narcissistic personality disorder, as well as what it's like for your loved ones. Thank you for watching!
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#narcissist #clusterB #gaslighting #npd #mentalhealth #BPD #narcissism #narcissisticabuse #gaslighting #mentalhealthawareness

[@dogtrainingmexico]

And when Dr Ettensohn said you are authentic... to me that is one of the highest compliments anyone could hope for

[@kuolevainen]

! ♡

[@ASoulHere]

What I don’t like about narcissism is that it is so heavily stigmatized. People with big narc traits just have bigger wounds. It doesn’t excuse poor behavior but it’s an essential needed understanding. I don’t like the idea that narcs can never heal or become aware. You’re an example that these can be done. You’re making a difference by discussing narcissism from the Nameless perspective. To me narcissism is looking more like extreme out-of-balanced behaviors. I know some people heavy with narc traits and I can see their wounds. It’s not my job to help them but if better resources were available they might have the tools to heal themselves. Good job. Keep going.

[@carriebell3566]

The challenge I find in understanding narcissism is that regardless of how well others understand it, it is of no use if the sufferer does not acknowledge understanding them is of no use and it is often misinterpreted as criticism. How one circumvents such reactions becomes the one objective.

[@JoeMcKenzie888]

The clinical world is still largely a bit outdated when it comes to personality disorders and even autism but I think it's slowly changing.

[@katherinegordon8088]

Thank you and I also have Covert Narcissism and so does my mom. Our lives are severely disruptive and disrupted. I knew I wasn’t leading a productive and linear life, and after continually hurting the ones Iove, having lost memories because I’m too affraid to look back after burning bridge after bridge-I’m ready to do the work. I’m of course saddened that I have done so much harm. Thank you for existing!!!

[@cLuStErBMiLkShAkE]

Sharing! This was SOOO good! I appreciate everything you do for us that are on the Cluster B Spectrum. 🎉❤

[@welcomecataclysm]

I like how he described narcissistic abuse. It is distinct because of the cognitive distortions and projections that are not seen in all kinds of abuse, although not all narcissists are inherently abusive.

[@Thenamelessnarcissist]

Honestly It was one of the best descriptions of it I've seen

[@Thenamelessnarcissist]

@Threetwo One Honestly I think it's an issue of how we define abuse

[@Thenamelessnarcissist]

@Threetwo One I haven’t opened my email today yet sorry! Imma check it out after I record today, thank you!

[@alainvosselman9960]

It would be easier if people just differentiate intentional abuse from damaging behavior. This way i think, the cycle of misunderstandings and stigma can be broken. Might be helpful in many ways both for victims, people suffering npd and health workers. In my experience (as a former victim) i dealt with both non malignant narcissists and 1 malignant.. The latter really enjoys harming/manipulating someone when there's visibly damage being caused.

[@saintejeannedarc9460]

@@alainvosselman9960 Relationships get messy when you're really close to someone, no matter if there's a disorder involved or not. W/ a narcissist, they do care about you to a point, but there's a coldness because of their lack of being able to connect first w/ their own self and then to you. That does help separate me from the pain of what I what through w/ my ex somewhat. My ex of 10 years was never openly abusive. He didn't put me down, didn't go on cruel tirades against me, like I hear others go through. He just walled up and could be quite indifferent. I really thought he loved me in the early years, and he did as best he could. Because he was affectionate and loved to get affection, there seemed to be a lot there. It was the later years when the lying and cheating got in, that I saw this unfathomable coldness and I released boundaries had been eroded to a point I'd never experienced. He had deep shame for his actions, but it was always about him or the letting down the values his parents instilled. Understanding this from a clinical perspective doesn't lesson my personal pain at it all, but it does make it less personal, if that makes sense. He was not in any way malignant and never took any pleasure in hurting me. There was just an absence of empathy and a disconnect from compassion and he admitted to lack of empathy.

[@dogtrainingmexico]

Nameless, you really should write a book. About your life and how you became aware... so also, you could co-author an article with this expert. I have editing skills, if that were needed

[@Thenamelessnarcissist]

Haha I would LOVE to write a book! I may take you up on that! I've been contacted by a researcher lately so if not a book maybe I'll need your editing skills for that!

[@religiohominilupus5259]

Ha, we have something in common--I worked as an editor for a while (but got bored and went on to a different job, lol)! 😁

[@dogtrainingmexico]

@@religiohominilupus5259 well that explain why you are so eloquent. I do some editing here and there, but it is not my main line of work. So together we can lend a hand to Nameless on this...

[@mindysealefitch9236]

I really appreciate what you're doing with this channel. You're making a difference in a lot of people's lives, helping us understand and know each other better. Grateful for you.

[@marjol3in]

​@@Thenamelessnarcissist Jacob, I've bought your book yesterday. Grateful to have it. Thank you for your work.

[@sahibvirk]

How are there like not a million followers on this channel? He is like giving out such critical information.

[@casuallycruelx]

most people don't like their beliefs being challenged

[@eprd313]

​​@@casuallycruelx exactly. Many want to withhold this idea that all narcissists are evil people with no empathy and completely flawed because that makes them believe that they are not responsible for how their relationships turn out and /or it's others who are flawed, not them. The more someone declares war on narcissists in general the more I believe they are hiding narcissistic traits and or another cluster B personality disorder themselves.

[@infinitelogicmachine8587]

@@casuallycruelx and most people want black and white stories with a witch to burn

[@whatdoyoulivefor735]

Omg the collab I've been dreaming of.

[@Thenamelessnarcissist]

BRO SAME

[@polyphonic_peanut]

I'm seriously loving this channel right now.

[@Thenamelessnarcissist]

Aw thank you!

[@polyphonic_peanut]

@@Thenamelessnarcissist This is seriously a massive inspiration and quite a life-changing experience. Self-Esteem Juice coming your way! (Sorry!). I'm comin' out! (Diana Ross tribute there).

[@TheArtofAmbivalence]

This is amazing! As someone who has followed you for a little bit now I'm so happy for you and also really proud of you for doing this! Hell yeah! 🖤

[@Thenamelessnarcissist]

Aw thank you!!!

[@Solace_System]

Splitting of the self in NPD being described as "discontinuity of self" is something I've been thinking about a lot since Karma found you. It really fits with how I've viewed splitting in the contecxt of our BPD misdiagnosis, as well as how PDs, particularly cluster-b and especially borderline, are conceptualized by the idea of secondary structural dissociation. This really confirmed my current understanding of things, so I'm definitely on the right track to understanding, little by little, my brother. - Noah

[@tjtampa214]

Omgosh at 34:00 talking about how a "self" is made and using a child as an example with their caregiver. For some people - I'm talking about adult caregivers - this comes very naturally and to others it does not. And this absolutely affects the child from the beginning to the end. I also like the idea how the doctor explained about the two different "islands." Excellent insight right there. I'm going to listen to the rest of the video now. Thank you!

[@Thenamelessnarcissist]

I'm really glad his metaphors made sense! I'm really happy he came on and was able to describe things I didn't quite have the words to describe!

[@tjtampa214]

@@Thenamelessnarcissist Jacob, I think you express yourself well (true enough, we all get tongue-tied or forgetful at times but I think you have a very good vocabulary and a good grasp on language in general- not everyone does for various reasons ).

[@drruthannharpur]

This is fabulous! Brilliant interview from both you and Dr Ettensohn!

[@Thenamelessnarcissist]

Thanks so much! (also I got your email, I will reply within the next few days but I've had alot on my plate haha)

[@drruthannharpur]

@@Thenamelessnarcissist Thanks! In your own time - no rush.

[@religiohominilupus5259]

Another collab in the works, perhaps? That's be great! 😁

[@JB-nz8ph]

This was really helpful and enlightening. He has a great psychodynamic perspective, that takes it beyond simplistic symptom diagnostic criteria. I really appreciate your willingness to be open and vulnerable, sharing your personal experiences. How you shared about covering/crossing out your eyes in photos, offers meaningful insight. Thank you. Tons of respect for having the courage to do the work on yourself.

[@jackidezell3736]

Dude! My mom is an artist a painter but she’s narcissistic and used to do sculpture and ALL her sculptures were eyeless! Holes for pupils or just the whites of the eyes and nothing else. It disturbed me as a child and I made her turn them backwards or remove them from the room. Crazy....

[@Thenamelessnarcissist]

Woah that's super interesting!

[@jackidezell3736]

@@Thenamelessnarcissist right?! You blew my mind with that!!!

[@carriebell3566]

The eyes are the window to the soul, after all. Narcissism feels like being devoid of a soul.

[@jackidezell3736]

@@ctlo4403 I’m really sorry that’s a lot. As for my mom IF she listened I had to really force her to.

[@HomeFromFarAway]

Modigliani painted almost all his models without eyes. him and Picasso were frenemies so dunno what that says about that crowd 😅

[@clarabow4330]

Criticism for anyone can be devastating.. I avoided to do that to my husband because I knew ( and said so) that he could do a better job of it than I ever could.. to rise above his projected attacks toward me was hurtful at the time, confusing to decifer, but I also thought that it wasn't who he really was.. He actually said to me once, that his biggest fear in life was that, one day I would find out who he really was and leave.. Finally after 36 years of "Malignant Optimism", I learned that he was correct.. he knew who he was and that he would not change.. so Bingo!!! I realized that I had nothing to do with the confabulated life he lived.. I empathize with him, said once that, "we are cut from the same cloth" you and me, I cannot live in your brain anymore.. No contact for 21 months now, I educated myself in order to understand what happened, how it happened, whenever it happened, and why it happened.. my role in perpetuating the shared fantasy of which I was unaware of.. if you're not looking for deception, you won't see it, I have no regrets because I lived in love.. I'm not resentful either.. I have a future, he will remain where he is

[@vanessamcclain7311]

Sadly, we love these men because we didn’t know and it’s so hard to find out we will never be able to truly love them. Unfortunately, i only just released that I will never get the love I thought I had from him. I’m confused, hurt and so much more. I feel like I won’t get through the pain and yet after all of it I still want to hope that he will change but that is fading very fast. I actually would’ve of still been with him if he went to therapy he knows that he is one now. He found that out through me but he is scared because it scares him to know it’s what he might be but I will not continue to be his villain that he needs so he can feel better by making me feel the same way he does. He gets help or I will flip the switch and the only person whoever had his back will shut off their feelings and give him his own personal dose of medicine

[@somethinggood9267]

It is a lot to do life with somebody who struggles with this disorder. I have a brother who I love very much and all of our conversations over the phone have downgraded into toxic arguments and him tearing me apart. I went no contact for a year because I couldn't handle it anymore, and then I initiated contact again. I told him that I would like to find a way to communicate in a healthy way. He gaslit me and said all this stuff about how he should be able to express what's truly on his mind and whatnot. I just don't know how to go forward with him. I want to maintain my boundaries of having only healthy communication, but he's so unwilling to participate. I know it's the disorders fault but it's still so painful to be treated in this way and to see the other person perpetuating the abuse. I still remember how he was and he was a little boy and I love him so much it just really hurts my heart. I'm sure it was the same for you with your husband. But we got to get away to preserve our own sanity and our own health sometimes

[@saintejeannedarc9460]

Wow, you hung in there for 38 years. It's too bad that he could value you and his life w/ you enough to get counseling and to try to adjust his behaviors. I guess you got tired of waiting and tired of life being on his terms, w/ whatever leftovers you might get.

[@saintejeannedarc9460]

@@somethinggood9267 It is wonderful that you love your brother no matter what. I've had a few too many narcissists in my life. My mother is likely one. I had similar happen w/ my brother. I think it's more him being bipolar. He'd be really depressed, I'd try and support him, then I'd say one "wrong" thing and the attack would start. He'd keep phoning me back when I hung up from the onslaught. This was on work nights and could go on for hours into the wee hours. Back then we didn't have number blockers, you unplugged your phone and cut off the world, or bust. He would never be sorry and didn't understand why I wasn't "there for him" like he needed. We haven't talked in a few years. He's close w/ my sister and doesn't do it to her. Not sure why.

[@carriebell3566]

I love the “malignant optimism” term you used! Thank you for doing so.

[@jackidezell3736]

Great interview Jacob! He kind of answered your question on why your ex’s felt like they didn’t matter or weren’t important to you, because they can feel ERASED! I know I related being an ex partner of a covert narcissist.

[@saintejeannedarc9460]

I can relate to that feeling of not feeling like I mattered. My ex of 10 years is still in my life, because I'm still in our house. I couldn't take the cheating at the end of our 10 years. He's trying to get back, in his own cold and detached way. He's fond of me and will do all sorts of favours and helps w/ house maintenance evne though he doesn't live here. I know I'm not loved like I loved him though. He feels a fondness for me and can trust me, in ways I can never trust him again.

[@nelsoncarreiro6099]

What an absolute honor and pleasure 🙏 to have found your channel. Doing amazing work. Thank you TO Dr. amazing insight, compassion. Holistic view of the whole person. Great work to you both .

[@Thenamelessnarcissist]

Aw thank you so much!

[@QueenBee-fg1iz]

This right here was brilliant ❤

[@marijakalesnykaite]

I liked that you pointed out that not all narcissists are necessarily choosing to be abusive. And props to you - you are on a path of therapy. Which many don't even consider, or see it beneath them. I was very severely abused by a narcissist. He brought me close to suicide. Hearing about your experiences makes me understand that whatever he was projecting to me was more about him than it ever was about me - I was just the blackboard, the voodoo doll, the ground for disregulation. I don't feel angry about it anymore - just feels really sad. I am happy however you are on a path to healing/improving/stabilising your life. Keep on and carry on achieving. Thanks for talking about this. And now it makes sense about what you said about your eyes, the sunglasses. I am happy to see your eyes in the newest videos. Good going 🤗 It helps to pertain your message 2x more effectively, even though you may feel like a steak on a frying pan.

[@jcm5171]

Well said. 100% in agreement, feeling same.

[@saintejeannedarc9460]

I might have fallen asleep and missed what he said about why he wears the sunglasses so much. Can you repeat? I can relate to being able to put it in a different perspective after being involved w/ a narcissist. I won't say I was severely abused. He wasn't malignant or overtly abusive. It was 10 years and there is no more personal betrayal than the lying and cheating at the end, and then being gaslit about it. I was also left horribly depressed. I could tell in our talks about it, which he's still willing to do to this day that it wasn't about me. That was hard to fathom how it was always about him. He'd admit selfishness and entitlement and knowing it was wrong, but could just switch off, admitted to compartmentalizing so there was no guilt. He felt deep shame, but I rarely saw that. I realize now the shame was more about how he felt about himself. It felt so personal, but to him it was not at all personal.

[@hfortenberry]

"The asshole disorder". LOL That's really interesting and unfortunate how NPD is so under-developed in the DSM. I'm glad to hear that's being improved. Thank you both for the work you're doing. It's so important.

[@sirlarek]

This was a really great video. Lots of good positioning in terms of reframing perceptions of this condition/dynamic. It was nice to hear your clinician compliment your efforts the way I recently pointed out about how important it has been for the world to see through a window (my term) at an authentic individual exposing themself.

[@Scones777]

Thanks for this interview! It's really great to get the perspective of both a clinician and person with NPD! I was actually moved by it! As a psychology student currently studying personality disorders I really found the DSM-5 (standard version) criteria for NPD a bit too cartoon villain. This was really informative!

[@ginaqc78]

Cartoon villain??? Wait until you are involved in a romantic relationship with a person with NPD…..you and your children ( if you have them with this partner) will be literally destroyed..😢😢😢 wasted time, careers, isolated from friends and family, getting crazy, blamed for everything and some people get crazy, or suicidal or get killed by this nice and cute 2 year old with deficits grown man with NPD…. Of course as everything in medicine, there are degrees, mild, moderate, severe and profound 🧐….. Good luck with your studies 😊😊😊😊😊

[@ginaqc78]

I forgot to say, I am a doctor 👩‍⚕️ this means MD……

[@marjol3in]

​@@ginaqc78 I am so sorry for your experience, I really am. But not all narcissists are abusive.

[@aldovirooo]

Great interview thanks

[@pdquestions7673]

I hope you can also interview other people w NPD... Many of us have had to seek self-improvement outside traditional psychology. Because psychology focuses on improvement within the personality, I have serious questions about whether the mind extends beyond the "personality" -- and whether that broader scope should really be the exclusive territory of psychology, as opposed to philosophy or drama / literature.. Below all the "features," and even below all the "self esteem issues," I think we're dealing with a developmental abnormality (maybe not far from autism), so.. instead of just "improving the personality," I do think it's also important to explore the parts of the mind that are (maybe) beyond the personality. All I'm saying is that I don't think we need to have "improved personalities" in order to deal with life. In fact, I think it's healthy to consider what's possible even for unbalanced and misshapen personalities. .. and that it might be unhealthy to try too hard to "correct" or "Improve" a deviant personality (similar to the problem of trying to therapize people out of being gay) - and that an excessive "personality focus" could be a higher more insidious form of narcissism (a possible trap of seeking all improvement within psychology).

[@AliciaM5555]

I get what you are saying here, it's like why do an exorcism on an individual who doesn't believe in God right? I am cluster b and I know that my personality has been well formed at this point but I am also convinced that there is still hope at helping us in treating the underlying ptsd that in my opinion is at the heart of cluster b disorders. We (I) will probably always have skewed attachment styles but with a bit less deviancy. Ya know? Less manipulation less abuse to ourselves and others.

[@pdquestions7673]

@@AliciaM5555 -- I do think the personality has some flexibility / malleability, but (as you seem also to believe) I think that "elasticity" is limited. Maybe it's just my imagination, but - in my experience - there is more to me than just my personality. Call it the consciousness that just watches things, call it the space for deliberation and reflection. Maybe even dissociation can be used to create artificial space to reflect. Who knows. But I think it's helpful: (a) not to think there's only one solidary personality inside us (but rather several proto personalities, not "separate identities," but more like primordial potential personalities; and (b) that there is a space for deliberation & reflection that is outside all our personality traits. For me, the personality itself is the part of the mind that psychology focuses on. The rest of the mind that's outside the personality, to me, should not only be the province of psychology, but also of culture, literature, drama, philosophy, or just living. I think there's something kind of fishy about giving psychology too much jurisdiction over our individual experience, and I also think the best novelists and artists often have a better sense of who we are as people and personalities. Finally, as an NPD myself, I am very skeptical about our excessive focus and preoccupation with "personalities." I've been lucky to know some people with horrible personalities, who - at the same time - have lived almost entirely outside their personality (not faking, but just living outside the confines of the personality). And I think there's something almost meta-narcissistic about being overly focused and concerned about personalities. Even healthy people should live outside their personalities & not be so focused on the personalities of others. I just think there's more to us as people.

[@AliciaM5555]

@@pdquestions7673 agree! Beautifully written! It's kind of like my personality when I speak English and my personality when I speak Spanish. I know I am still the same person but there is also an inherent shift.

[@pdquestions7673]

@@AliciaM5555 -- hehehhee.. maybe it's because we're both bilingual, hehehe... My mom's Colombian & I live in South America, and it's true that I'm a different person in Spanish.. maybe that's why I don't think of myself as "one personality." But I also hope other people can experiment with not "just being one thing," maybe as a way of escaping the confines of the "personality matrix"

[@AliciaM5555]

@@pdquestions7673 oh! Que bien! Tambien mi padre es de Nicaragua casi somos paisanos, que tengas muy buena noche me gusta much como piensas y escribes gracias! 💕

[@angeladeluna]

This is such a phenomenal video.

[@dogtrainingmexico]

Fascinating collaboration! And great feedback from Dr Ettensohn on all your hard work 👍

[@hfortenberry]

Wow, that analogy of trying to keep a plane in the sky by worrying about it was an excellent, evocative analogy. That sounds horribly miserable. And the fact that you can throw up from feeling shame. I didn't realize it felt so bad. I'm so sorry for anyone suffering from that. I can't imagine. Nobody deserves to go through that kind of pain. Thank goodness for folks like you who are bringing more of the truth of NPD to light.

[@mickiofthemountains]

This is really informative. There were a lot of aha moments. Not for self, but for those I have had in my life, bpd, npd, etc... I can empathize, but I'm doing it from a distance. I only wish peace for those who suffer. Kudos to you Anon. This must've been difficult. Thank you for allowing us into your world.

[@Thenamelessnarcissist]

Thank you!

[@saintejeannedarc9460]

This interview didn't seem difficult for Jacob. He seemed really happy and to enjoy and I'm glad for him. He's done other videos where he really let us in on his pain, while he grappled to connect w/ the feelings of others and his own. Those looked really difficult and I'm grateful he let us in on that.

[@jcm5171]

So great and fresh to hear the two of you, really. As a daughter of a covert narcissistic mother, I have endured some tough stuff and it goes on. A lot of controlling, rage, belittling, no boundaries whatsoever...But she experiences a great deal of anxiety and depression too since she just never feels "ok", to put it mildly. Dr Ettensohn is opening a whole new world for me, I'm definitely going to follow you and him as well. Thank you both!

[@co5mo]

the disconnect from humanity 😢

[@alisachaise3]

@the end of the day we all have a responsibility to ourselves to recognize behavior & be able to walk away from what’s not good or healthy for us. I spent 20 years and two kids with my narc ex and I have just as much responsibility in it for staying. I did t understand my childhood traumas & thought it to be normal, but I sure not gonna blame the narcissist personality ex for it All and go around shouting out how shitty of a person he is!!! I choose to not be a victim to my ex and moving forwards from him when I did leave 3 years ago. We all have been victims to trauma - ALL humans. So be nice to see more people taking accountability for their part and heal. As long as you hold onto the anger and stay a victim, that’s fine n YOU now, not the narcissist personally. Thanks Jacob for what you do! 😊

[@alisachaise3]

If you’re still holding on to anger and victimhood then you’re not accepting you’re own trauma and working yourself & guess what Jacob is, other narcs like Jacob are..& btw, being insecure is a big problem also and why you stay and play, which is also abuse to the narcissist by making you’re issues their issues, while you’re seeking validation from the narcissist just as much as they are YOU! One isn’t better than the other. No one can hurt you or do things you’re not comfortable with if you are NOT ALLOWING IT! Boundaries & standards are needed for ALL personalities period

[@alisachaise3]

Also, intent matters, we all manipulate to get our needs met. I’m of the opinion even with the idea “intent matters,” is one better than the other or are they the same, but differing angles or rather different styles of meeting needs? Thoughts on this Jacob?

[@religiohominilupus5259]

J., you're a badass (and that's as far as the "bad" in you goes, lol)--this was fucking awesome! 👍😁 All I'll say is: more please!

[@Thenamelessnarcissist]

Haha soon!

[@religiohominilupus5259]

@@Thenamelessnarcissist Hell yeah! 😁

[@thaish9402]

Great interview! Collabs like this are deeply needed

[@Awakenministries]

This is so helpful for everyone!

[@DosBear]

You accidentally on purpose gave up your name during your session Jacob. I don't think you could have picked a better psychologist to discuss this issue with, so well done. It was interesting to say the least. Don't be so hard on yourself. Don't forget that some of the people you feel bad about hurting may have deserved it & possibly have psychological issues themselves. You're are not alone in your suffering.

[@fae137]

It is awesome (and attractive) that you are so self aware.

[@happypotential]

Great interview!👍

[@Solace_System]

Woah... That "falling apart as a person/loss of self" sensation is where I, as our host, feel like I live. I feel like I am a hermit crab with a shattered shell desperately trying to hold all the pieces together but I have no idea where any of the pieces go. I don't know where I start and any of my headmates end. I feel like a nexus point for all of the alters in my system most of the time. I don't exist! So that's why Myrddin and Wojciech and I are so close together - in many ways, even closer than my twins sister, Karma, and I are - I'm constantly regressing back to earlier defenses until they work, and they are our interum, our entanglement. Myrddin is such shifting sand or crashing waves, while Wojciech is obsidian: I feel like one or the other, so often, because as soon as shit hits the fan, Wojciech pulls me back and Myrddin pushes someone else forward. Am I never not wearing a parachute made of earlier defenses? - Noah

[@lorimollette3970]

I grew up in an abusive home. Seems to me that all of our problems began and end with one main factor!" It wasn't Safe for us. All our fears grew out of this. Fear of not being loved by a parent you couldn't trust. Fear of abandonment, not being heard or having our needs met. A child who is raising themselves. Never grows up!"

[@zer.o]

Fear of not being loved by a parent you couldnt trust. 🥺 Yes

[@isotope73]

"You loose all sense of being in the world" ... 52:52 . Im ASD1 I go through decades like this. I'm 50. I'm tired.

[@HomeFromFarAway]

there is so much evidence that our asd is linked to very early trauma

[@mikeflair6800]

NPD folks carry life long double personalities (hard outer, soft inner), adhd, anxiety, depression and drug addiction...common side effects. So when someone looks at life like this, suicide is indeed a way out. Not recommending it, but in the their (my) mind, it is a logical conclusion...since we all have to die someway, might as do it your way. That is how we think, logic over emotion.

[@Solace_System]

It's so hard to believe that my parents and his other caregivers in my aunts and uncles and grandparents could have neglected him enough as a child, or at all, ever, that it caused him to develope an avoidant attachment style and contributed largely to NPD, but then again, I have a primary diagnosis of a disorder rooted in a disorganized attatchment style and complex early childhood trauma...and I can't remember anything between the ages of seven and twelve...and I can barely remember anything before the age of seven... Oh, ****! - Noah

[@Thenamelessnarcissist]

I've seen a lot of people claim that over indulgence can cause it, but I've never seen any empirical data to back that up. A study I read claimed that sexual abuse was most commonly associated with NPD but who knows. It tracks with my experince but I only recently started remembering things so I'm doubting myself alot. Makes sense with the internalized shame tho

[@Solace_System]

@@Thenamelessnarcissist The only childhood trauma he ever endorsed was bullying in elementary school, yet teachers always stated it was started by him and not another. This is the most neglectful aspect of his childhood that comes to mind, yet for it to have happened, it would mean that our parents were repeatedly lied to for years by a multitude of teachers. - Wojciech

[@Thenamelessnarcissist]

@@Solace_System hmmm noted. I need to do more research. PD’s without childhood trauma are very rare and tbh I never really hear them talked about outside the context of that. I’m gonna see if I can find anything on the topic

[@Solace_System]

@@Thenamelessnarcissist Couldn't he have been too shameful to admit it too? Just because he didn't endorse anything doesn't mean nothing happened. None of my headmates did, but for sixteen to twenty years, so who knows what really happened with him. - Noah

[@PutingPinoy]

Thank you for this video!

[@viola7658]

What about parts therapy for helping narcissism? There’s a book called “no bad parts”.

[@HomeFromFarAway]

IFS is profoundly helpful. I find Schwartz can be a bit to into the "spirituality" woo but the modality is gold

[@taranuzum8428]

MORE!!! MORE OF THIS RIGHT HERE! This is what we need! THIS WAS A FANTASTIC VID. SUPER INTERESTING AND VERY INFORMATIVE! PLEASE DO MORE LIKE THIS WITH THIS MAN AND EVEN OTHERS. This is some A game shit right here. My fav vid hands down on narcissism. And believe me I’ve watched too many to count. But this can go so many places for both the doc and yourself. Plz do more of this! 🖤🤍🖤🤍🖤🤍

[@Thenamelessnarcissist]

Haha honestly I'm gonna have a hard time toping it! But I plan for similar stuff like that in the future!

[@Zarathustran]

1:02:00 Somebody’s not nameless anymore…and survived😐 Keep it up

[@jcm5171]

Oh my, no wonder I just couldn't understand the DSM V !!! Half is missing. My mom is a narcissist and God knows she has caused huge harm but no one would see her as an a-hole by any stretch of the imagination. And this crazy loop thing ! That's is so dangerous, so misleading. I live in France where psychoanalysis still is highly respected and considered as fundamental and inescapable, so that helps out here. You are opening up some incredible insights, thank you.

[@allinix7intp]

Ouais, psychanalyse = vomi. Force à toi mon frère 💪

[@zadquielx3131]

crossover of the year!!!

[@hfortenberry]

From my experience with someone with NPD, I think the reason people might say you seem possessed is because of the black eyes. As a biologist, I know that that is caused by full pupil-dilation due to intense rage but even understanding that, as a neuro-typical, to see the black eyes is quite shocking and frightening. You never see that except in movies about demons or monsters so I think maybe most of us associate it with that. I literally did not think it was human to have black eyes but now I know it's a symptom of that narcissistic rage. I had literally never heard of or witnessed the black eyes in my life until I was in my 40's and worked closely with someone with NPD. After she reacted to me with seething rage and the black eyes, and because of what she said, which was somewhat threatening, I gave my 3 weeks notice a week later and left that job. Nobody needs to be abused so I had to give up that job in order to protect myself. But yeah, I've heard many other victims of narcissistic abuse since then saying the same thing, that the black eyes and the rage makes y'all seem demonic.

[@nikkigarrison4470]

Can't it be both rage and a demonic manifestation?

[@NessG24]

YES!!! I am so glad I read this comment as I felt no one I would speak to really believed me when I said my wife’s eyes changed. Her eyes would change when she was raging, her pupils would dilate and they seemed to blacken and she looked at me differently. That’s when I knew she was deep in her rage and there was no stopping her!! I wouldn’t say I felt it was demonic or anything evil like that.

[@kimlaura8663]

This mirror of what my partner reflects in me is what drives my energy.

[@amandajohnson-williams7718]

Wow! What an amazing conversation this is to listen to! So enlightening and helpful, thank you both! Just found your channel tonight Jacob. Its great!! ❤🇬🇧❤

[@cosmicmoonpie1857]

i love this video

[@laurasabau2016]

What is a "victim" suppose to do when they are abused by a narcissist? I say victim, for lack of a better word, because everybody can just go ahead and leave the narcissist, right? I understand the narcissist has real problems, but what they show and do, is as real, as anything else. So, if I am lied to, manipulated, unjustly accused, insulted, my good name tarnished in front of others through manipulations and lies, and the list goes on and I did all I could to get along with them, because of the organization we are both a part of, what should I do? How can I still be part of the organization, but without being constantly abused by this person? What is the advice of a narcissist? Grow thicker skin? I tried understanding, forgiving and some times for even maybe a whole year, things would be ok, just to turn again worse than ever. And even when things are good, are good just because there somebody else's turn to be abused. What we should do?

[@cosmicmoonpie1857]

i wanna hear more about bpd vs borderline range of function and npd vs pathological narcissism specifically

[@Thenamelessnarcissist]

Oooo that's a good question! I may email him about that asking for a vid on it!

[@cosmicmoonpie1857]

@@Thenamelessnarcissist yess please lmk if he make one if you remember :) i’ll keep lookin

[@lifefan1]

Waiting for it..

[@Zarathustran]

“Not a good person but I am a person” I would submit that if good and evil can be different things to one of us than they are to the next guy then they aren’t even objectively real. Not saying we shouldn’t defend ourselves or stop malice, but the only sphere in which all people exercise complete autonomy at all times is in our motivations. Because of this we are dependent upon cooperation and mutual support (the absence of free will, which no physicist will go on record anymore saying exists). This dependency indicates that knowingly doing harm to any part of a whole of which one is also part is unsustainably self-defeating… So duplicity to exploit others is actually the highest form of stupidity. It’s a gross oversimplification in the common (mis)understanding of narcissism that narcissists have no conscience. The practical net effect on others is often equivalent to having had no conscience, but god wouldn’t be a device of conscience and ego fabricated by antisocial remorselessness about having done the unforgivable if guilt and shame weren’t warped in place of accountable conscience for lotsa narcissists. We could call it the man in the moon but whatever it is wouldn’t otherwise solicit guaranteed third-party forgiveness not presently forthcoming from actual aggrieved parties or go on to pair that supernatural fantasy to another one of an afterlife (which is just an indefinite postponement of outgrowing infantilization in this life). All prophets are false. OF COURSE Sidhartha Gautama (the Buddha) born a prince peddled pseudoprofundities like telling the poor the solution to their hunger was to become less materialistic before he was even 30. And OF COURSE JofNazareth had a messianic delusion his mother inflicted as a folie a famille to conceal her infidelity or possible rape. And OF COURSE anybody around smart enough not to mistake a grave robbery for a “resurrection” decided it was better to put themselves forth as their made-up god’s so-called “chosen people” than to be the ones punked by Christmas. Just is what it is.

[@HomeFromFarAway]

That was almost a rant but turned out to be a good read.. ❤

[@The-Finisher]

Epic conversation. Thank you!❤

[@Minneolaos]

What's the point in getting rid of interpersonal exploitation in capitalistic America?

[@laaaah4577]

Really interesting video 👏!

[@gangeskan8403]

But can you really trust what a Marx says?

[@johnnyortiz1854]

Can you teach an adult object permanence/ object constancy?

[@whatdoyoulivefor735]

I may be wrong but I suspect that as soon as a person lacking object permanence/constancy became aware of and accepted their deficit in said area, they would naturally begin to learn it on the cognitive level which would, over time, establish into the emotional and state levels of memory. I wonder about the second part, though (integration into the emotional and "state" memory, that is). Great question!

[@Thenamelessnarcissist]

Honestly I'm not sure... I advise asking Heal NPD on his channel cause I bet he'd have a better answer!

[@sunnybein1]

Yes you can Dr.Elinor Greenberg has written how to teach yourself it..the article is on a psychology today.

[@isobelle.London]

Brilliant 🎉

[@Thenamelessnarcissist]

Btw, I asked him about transient psychosis towards the end for you LOL

[@isobelle.London]

Skype to Skype is free and thank you ❤

[@dammitdelta]

You are so brave for this. Seriously. As someone with malignant NPD, I don’t know if I would yet be brave enough to talk to an expert lol.

[@marjol3in]

That is why I keep my diagnosis hidden. Afraid to be stigmatised. 😢

[@brandonmcalpin9228]

Wouldn’t the stereotypical grandiose Narcissist who doesn’t suffer just be a Primary Psychopath though? Literally the criteria is exactly the same. 🤷‍♂️ A true Narcissist is one who oscillates between grandiose and borderline states. As Jacob was saying, Narcissism becomes pathological only when grandiosity scores are extremely high. When grandiosity levels are high, fluctuations between grandiosity and borderline states(vulnerability) is inevitable because it’s just not possible to maintain that level of grandiosity, nor is it feasible to consistently attain the type of reactions and feedback from others that’s necessary to uphold that level of grandiosity.

[@moonj0ck]

That's funny I wanted to say this for a video idea but never got around to commenting it.

[@Thenamelessnarcissist]

it's something I dream of for AWHILE

[@sbdsinc8366]

Thank you, what a helpful video both for me personally and to help understand my husband. Great work!

[@biancaristori4557]

Love it! Do it with doc. Ramaniii🤩🤩🤩

[@randymlekush754]

One of the best videos I've seen on narcissists. My 1st husband was a hard-care narcissist. I received so much helpful information from both of you today. I loved your vulnerability, Podcaster (sorry--forgot your name). Narcissists need to listen to this video!! I believe the number about narcissists in therapy backsliding. It must be terrifying to be vulnerable after a lifetime of protecting yourself. It took a lot for me to see this! My mom was narcissistically-abusive toward me, too. It causes enormous damage and pain. I would love to see more videos like this.

[@saintejeannedarc9460]

You should watch the one w/ the title: the narcissist will never know you. He really lays it out there. He's also did a few that were so raw, right after he'd been broken up w/. The title I mentioned, he is so honest about the coldness we can't fathom, where we feel like nothing but an object and he explains it. They see themselves that way too. It's lack of connection to themselves first, that stops them from being able to connect w/ us in meaningful way, that we find so painful. In some of Jacob's videos, you see how painful that is for him too. The ones where he's been broken up w/, he shows the raw pain of knowing he hurt people and wanting to do better. These raw displays really help me to understand my ex better too. It doesn't take away all the pain of what I went through and knowing I wasn't loved like I loved him, but it helps me to understand.

[@lacetantrum2567]

Absolutely fascinating info! Thanks for posting.

[@eileenwalsh6048]

I would like if the people on the receiving end of this narcissistic abuse could be acknowledged. It’s all very well to feel empathy for this condition and the vulnerable person underneath, but what about the people they are so badly hurting?

[@teemadarif8243]

Ordinarily all of the people who've been in hurtful situations would not be in the session..but they would be carefully acknowledged or the person with NPD might be asked about their feelings at the time of hurting someone I assume.

[@NessG24]

Have you watched any of his other KZbin videos?? That is the very reason he is trying to educate himself on his NPD and do whatever he can to better himself so as not to hurt any more people in his life. He hasn’t dated anyone in 3 years while he’s been on this journey to avoid hurting anyone, he acknowledges the people hurt and destroyed from relationships with someone with NPD often.

[@HomeFromFarAway]

to be fair, there are about a billion other channels supporting and acknowledging us. Let the people here have their own support, ok? if you watched the video you'll realise every narcissist is created by abuse

[@marjol3in]

Well Eileen, you are free to check doc. Ramani. Let us have our own channel please to learn to deal with our narcissism.

[@marjol3in]

​@@HomeFromFarAway Exactly. We as narcissists all have had our own traumati childhood. I have narcissism, but I have also been a victim of narc abuse myself multiple times 😢

[@amberc3728]

Thankyou ,this was amazing.

[@byleew]

That's a great interview!😃👍

[@Jaredmello9899]

Overtly vulnerable but covertly grandiose is me.

[@somethinggood9267]

Excellent interview Jacob ❤️ it's fun to learn with you!

[@OCPD_support]

Hello Jacob, how are you? I just wanted to let you know that I had responded to your email. I haven't heard back, so I just wanted to make sure it didn't go to your spam folder. Take care!

[@tatianaa.3694]

English is not my native language so I couldn't fully understand everything that was said, but I got the impression they were saying N people are not bad, right?? I mean, yeah they can hurt people but they don't mean it, I mean they are not evil right??, and if it's so, are they capable of love?? because i've always heard they can't love ANYBODY not even their children because they only love themselves even though they have fragile egos. I'm very confused now, I wish with all my heart they are capable of love and compassion

[@marjol3in]

People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) may have difficulty with empathy and forming deep, mutually nurturing relationships, which are key components of love. Their relationships often revolve around fulfilling their own needs for admiration and validation, rather than emotional reciprocity. However, this doesn't mean they're incapable of caring about others; it’s just that their capacity for love may be limited by their focus on themselves and their challenges with vulnerability. That said, with self-awareness, therapy, and a willingness to work on their behavior, some individuals with NPD can develop more genuine and healthier connections over time.

[@kuibeiguahua]

I freaking love his book it’s so compassionate

[@colette4437]

Mercy narci 😊

[@colette4437]

Well f u then cole

[@heavenshandwriter4796]

Have you listened to Sam Vaknin? The narcissist expert too

[@religiohominilupus5259]

You mean the narcissist assert? Lol

[@The-Finisher]

@@religiohominilupus5259 zing! 😂

[@religiohominilupus5259]

@@The-Finisher 😁

[@SebTventertainment]

@@religiohominilupus5259 why are you doubting his qualification?

[@Talentedtadpole]

Mr word salad

[@superespiritual1553]

Nice! ❤️❤️

[@Thenamelessnarcissist]

Haha I was about to reply to one of your comments two let you know this was going up! He even has a video on the principles around treating NPD!

[@superespiritual1553]

@@Thenamelessnarcissist I've watched it all and am now watching all of Dr. Mark's videos. Thanks again, this is great and I'm definitely aligned with the image he and you are depicting of how this disorder works.❤️🙏

[@kimlaura8663]

Here we go into the black and white thinking,,,i am calling my thoughts “dear” if any needs this tool it helps re-evaluate my lens of what is true or not?

[@ricdavid7476]

well done mate you and your sister had it tough growing up it makes me think what i went through was a picnic

[@savannalane838]

I enjoyed this interview.

[@teemadarif8243]

Great work !!✨️

[@sunnybein1]

Wonderfully progressive colloboration Nameless…it was a joy to watch a discussion about NPD steeped in ‘reality’ instead of all the ‘fantasy’ that’s out there about it. Once videos like this gradually become widely watched and circulated I’ve no idea how all those ‘angry empaths’ are going to ‘defend’ their vengeful fantasy stance? Congrats…groundbreaking video that brought the necessary humanitarian perspective into the discussion particularly in regards to how the Cluster Bs necessary defences acquired in childhood where what basically allowed them to survive it and to continue to survive the ongoing burden of trauma resulting from that. It was uplifting to witness Doctor Marks deep and compassionate understanding of the disorders.It was all so very ‘human’ and ‘humanising.’

[@Thenamelessnarcissist]

I really hope videos like these eventually kick the rest of them to the curb, but I'm not holding my breath. It's an industry at this point to demonize a very severe mental health condition. I think my work may not even be done until after my lifetime ngl

[@ma.3934]

Those "angry empaths" are almost always people with NPD lol

[@robleenhouts4498]

This iis gold.

[@christianberg9259]

Don't like that thing

[@tulaaxiotelis2171]

Thank so much!

[@Peace-d6r]

Thank you both

[@somethinggood9267]

Ss

[@jackidezell3736]

Sorry FYI I’m on my iPod which has my original KZbin account while my phone is charging, and since my phone was a gift (from my ex narc ironically), that my KZbin wasn’t transferred as he set up my phone. It’s still same old me though, regardless of which account I’m on! Love this, good job!

[@kayligo]

I wouldn't use that phone....

[@jackidezell3736]

@@kayligo yeah it does worry me! It is identical to the one he had, and he set it up! If I weren’t poor I wouldn’t use it...

[@jackidezell3736]

@@kayligo also I got an email that someone was trying to break into my Facebook when he and I were no contact, and I believe it was him.

[@kayligo]

@@jackidezell3736 yikes. Hopefully someone can help you reset the phone or something.

[@lamentate07]

It isn't so much that grandiose narcs don't suffer per se. They just lack awareness. I've read that many of them actually have a kind of 'mania' that can be mistaken for 'energy' or 'positivity'. Grandiose narcs are also more impulsive and are more likely to engage in substance abuse, so the idea that they don't suffer just seems wrong to me. The main difference seems to be their low level of awareness.

[@Thenamelessnarcissist]

Interesting! I'm gonna look into that more

[@lamentate07]

@@Thenamelessnarcissist There is a conflict between theorists and clinicians about grandiose narcissism. Clinical observations tend to lean more towards the idea that there is another 'story' going on that is different from ones typically found via self reporting. They report feeling no distress, yet when brain scans/imaging (?) was done on them, it was found that they had elevated levels of hormones (?) that indicate that distress was taking place. Again, this could all be debunked now, I don't know.

[@Thenamelessnarcissist]

@@lamentate07 actually I’ve read some studies supporting that! I know a big one was rejection sensitivity, they wouldn’t show it but their brain showed increased levels of distress in response. And evidently they have weaker explicit shame reactions but much higher implicit

[@lamentate07]

@@Thenamelessnarcissist That's the one! It was about rejection sensitivity, but I think I've read something about aggression as well. The explicit and implicit distinction you made apparently also applies to self esteem in some studies/observations. i.e. higher explicit self esteem but lower implicit. Regarding aggression, some studies claim that coverts/vulnerables are more likely to be 'aggressive', while others claim that grandiose narcissists have a greater tendency because they are more impulsive/reactive. It's clear that it's quite poorly understood really. I'm with you in that I think future research will reveal more precise findings about the fluctuations between types/states. i.e. frequency, impact on emotional regulation, outward expressions, emotionality etc. This man has some interesting things to say about narcissism and grandiosity, especially from 22:00 onwards: kzbin.info/www/bejne/g2e7q6xueMaBp5Y

[@Jay-bm7rw]

What is his channel called ?

[@dogwalks441]

NPDHeal

[@freedomofspeech6905]

Narcissists like us are more interesting because we had to try harder. We’re panthers among lap cats

[@kuolevainen]

Everything's mistaken for a bipolar disorder... xD

[@tamrac1694]

Are you on Tumblr?

[@Thenamelessnarcissist]

Haha unfortunately not!

[@tamrac1694]

@The Nameless Narcissist a great account of a narcissist I saw on tumbler and its his post ID like your thoughts on

[@Thenamelessnarcissist]

@@tamrac1694 you can link it and I’ll check it out!

[@tamrac1694]

@@Thenamelessnarcissist I screenshotted. Rather me link it?

[@Thenamelessnarcissist]

@@tamrac1694 if you don’t mind! Otherwise you can email it to me!

[@MissCracker]

Nameless looks so handsome here lol

[@justinebrink4056]

I wanted to help you and your kind. I wanted to see god in you, just like you know all empaths and good hearted people do. Unfortunately I realized the person I tried my best to help is actually a malignant narcissist. He has sociopathic tendencies and he enjoyed hurting me as much as he possible could even though all I ever tried to do was to help him. I wanted to help him break the cycles he is trapped in, I understood and saw the pain he gave others and where it came from in himself.. So now he discarded me, ghosted me, publicly announced a relationship with another woman after everything I did for him and how much love and care I showed him. I understood and tried to help, I got hoovered and saw it, but I wanted to help him break the cycle. Yet all he wanted was to hurt me. I think he saw the goodness and the beauty in my soul and it made him envious. He enjoyed hurting me. He did it by ghosting me, breaking every promise he ever made to me and rubbing it in my face by announcing the new supply on social media. I helped him to pay for his studies, I helped him up and motivated him when he had nobody else. He promised he is tunring a new leaf and then he proceeded to cheat on me and hurt me and ghost me without even speaking to me again, then announced it all on FB to rub it in my face. So I let go of the pain, I got Reiki healing, I forgave him and blocked him since I won't ever entertain him again. So is this something you do? Is this malignant on a level you do it or does it just give you some kind of boner to think how lovely it must have felt for him to twist that darkness into me, to hurt me as much as he could? He couldn't break me. I'm an empath and I believe maybe becoming a super empath. I don't hate you or your kind. I know you live in pain. But I believe there is something worse than modern psychology can explain wrong with you. I think there is a supernatural or spiritual element to it. I think the emptiness of this world is becoming more and more accepted and pronounced through generations and I think that your emptiness that you experienced left a void in your being that was inhabited by the spirit of everything wrong. Please know that I don't wish to project anything bad towards you. I believe anyone can change anything about themselves no matter how born into it, bred into it or abused into it they are. But you have to want to to that. You also have to be aware enough to be able to see it. I'm sorry for writing you a deep message. You think and do self introspection a lot for someone afflicted by this horrible emptiness. Maybe you can understand what I'm saying

[@vivasurvivor]

Narcissist are people, too 🫂❤️‍🩹 @TheNamelessNarcissist The Best Narcissist! ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

[@Thenamelessnarcissist]

Hell yeah I am! LOL thank you!