A Narcissist's Irrational Anger

Each person has moments of anger. That's to be expected. But narcissists (with their need to be in high control, coupled by an attitude of entitlement) can take anger to an ugly place. Psychotherapist Dr. Les Carter discusses how a narcissist's irrational anger can create relationship strain, then he outlines how you can determine to stay away from unhealthy responses.
Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who lives in Dallas, Tx. In the past 40 years he has conducted over 60,000 counseling sessions and many seminars and workshops. he specializes in anger management and treating narcissistic personality disorder.
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[@chinookvalley]

Rather than continued ruminating about what the narcissist has done, is doing, or what's on the horizon - I watch these videos over and over for relief! I am not alone. I am not losing my mind. I am dealing with a very mean and angry individual. I can get over this. I can see that gas-lighting is their way of life. ~~~ I am thankful for everyone here!

[@maytheforcebewithyou4313]

Same here, I have been raised in, don't have a safe space in my mind, I always feel they read my thoughts, and have been frightened my whole life, especially this creepy tone my mom uses to get me submissive. it is a long road, just discovered how sick she and my brother are and all my life my dad was blamed because he had rage issues, is narcissistic, but my mom look out, a snake in the grass, a Cobra. she will go soon, and has tried to let me have it the past few years. Literally saying things about me that no mom says, screaming, I went no contact after the last bout, and only see them in passing at my son's events, and walk right past. She is 84. My brother I will never speak to again, was no contact, but my mom would put both he and my dad back in my life all the time, I would become weak and a shambles, then slower get things better and she was able to play me like her puppet. I am relieved to know I did nothing wrong, its not me.

[@shannon9780]

chinookvalley you are on the right track. The only person we can truly control is ourselves.

[@yellowrose7736]

You are not alone friend. I am an empath with a narc.

[@maryrichardson6029]

Me too.

[@carriered4715]

@@yellowrose7736 Me too, I'm an empath, my adult Daughter is a Narcissist. She's perfectly fine one minute, then Right out of the blue, she's in a Horrible Rage apparently I disagreed with her, or said something Wrong, Months or Sometimes Years ago, and NOW is When I'm Going To Hear about it - LOUDLY !!

[@joannebutzerin6448]

I found it so confusing and upsetting to have someone furiously angry with me out of the blue--with no idea why. Afterwards, there were no apologies. I guess I was supposed to act as if the nasty raging never happened. Nothing is worth that.

[@sharonjones5173]

No, the rage is directed at you and then they expect YOU to apologize to them.

[@fk3972]

Exactly, they put you off balance before you know what’s coming your way, so unsettling.

[@cyndigooch1162]

@@sharonjones5173 I do usually end up apologising, so it's one of many issues I want to change! It's overwhelmimg at times because there's so much I need to work on and I find it extremely difficult to think clearly when I've been triggered, which is regularly, due to amount of trauma I've experienced. 🤯

[@marydanielle000]

I'm going through this. I am torn because this seems like an illness. My husband may be on the covert side. It really shines through in the rage though. His parents and brother are also narcs hardcore. Another reason I feel like i should have empathy. Idk what to think anymore!!

[@life-rethought]

Or very grey, vague apologies. Non apology apologies

[@joanlynch5271]

Narcissistic people are very short sighted, so that they never learn from their mistakes. They do the same thing over and over! They are very frustrating to be around.

[@philliptoone]

I tried for years to understand my wife's anger. I loved her and wanted to help her and felt guilty for being hurt by her anger. It's been almost a year since our divorce and I'm finally finding peace through videos like this.

[@dorothybennington]

@@pennylacombe4763 ?

[@polskigirl8547]

I have so much peace in my life .....

[@dirtysanchez941]

I'm happy you are finally feeling some relief. Thank goodness you are free and now you KNOW!! Learning from this doctor, and channel is very helpful for me as well. I'm happy for you. Take good care of yourself and know you are a good person. 💓🕊️

[@hisnewlife3543]

I know how you feel. I feel guilty for wanting my ex husband tp leave and move on and struggle with my faith and doing the right thing and not being ugly to people.

[@upstatenewyork]

I always feel guilty when my feelings are hurt. I feel ashamed of myself for “not being able to take it. “ Thing is, it’s normal to have hurt feelings.

[@grayrockaroundtheclock9937]

The long, long lectures. Any time I tried to get a word in I was “interrupting.”

[@christineaufderheide3365]

I forgot about this one...one-sided conversations & could not respond!! Horrible desolate feeling!

[@torque63]

You're gonna sit down and listen to what I am going to tell you and if you disagree I am going to keep talking until you admit that I am right and you are defeated.

[@claytenburns5635]

You got your narc to talk lmao

[@vonniecronje3914]

Oh that is SO TRUE always even the odd calmer conversation. Always have to hear you're interrupting because they have too listen/hear their own voice. Yours is totally irrelevant

[@acajudi100]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/jH_Sg51-e6uplck

[@tanyagreentarot]

The moment he told me - Nobody even likes you - it all fell into places about who I was dealing with

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Light bulb moment! I hope you have more of those. Dr. C

[@foxiedogitchypaws7141]

How about he says to people " she crazy don't listen to her" There is no answer to understand their thinking.

[@cairosilver2932]

It's tragic when you realise they are projecting what they genuinely feel about themselves.

[@tanyagreentarot]

Cairo Silver exactly

[@JB-xx3vp]

Good for you!

[@juliamarie8551]

I’ve experienced this first hand. Their anger is so illogical and out of left field. When a person displays this behavior, I immediately go no contact. I have taught my daughters to do the same. Stay away from these creatures. They are so toxic and dangerous. Someone said it is a battle to maintain peace. It’s so true!! But, we must protect our peace and dignity at all costs.

[@tedschmitt178]

They also rage because they have a greater chance of ending whatever argument/discussion with anger rather than simply admitting their own fault like a logically-thinking adult. And they will NEVER admit ANY fault. The whole anger reaction is like that of a child, which fits perfectly with the cause of narcissism: they are not prepared to lead life like normal adults.

[@jeanetteredden24]

Well said TED Schmitt

[@dirtysanchez941]

Oh yes!!

[@FrancesShear]

Absolutely. Or a look of feigned benevolent concern only on their faces while practicing aggressive body language to intimidate you which is only a disguise for their anger that you are even there at all trying at this late stage in your life after getting their regular Botox treatments done on their foreheads to stay looking young themselves.

[@2gooddrifters]

You are so right.

[@DarthShadie]

With the narc, it was ALWAYS MY fault. I had trouble for a long time after that when something was actually my fault or just to apologise to someone, even if it was no one's fault for a misunderstanding or something. Working through that was like peeling an onion, cutting it, very slowly, and staring at it for a long time lol

[@CG-bt7oc]

Isn't it funny how when you get angry at the narcissist, you obviously have issues with anger, but when the narcissist gets angry with you, he/she is fully justified because clearly, it's all your fault. They can freely throw anger bombs at you but how dare you even show any signs of being slightly upset with them. If you can, save your sanity, WALK AWAY and never look back!

[@yellowrose7736]

Thank you. That has happened over and over and over. Also, they will srutinize your tone of voice and blow it out of proportion

[@ladennayoung2939]

Yeah my ex would get mad when I got to the point of getting angry, and I would start yelling out of anger.

[@ladennayoung2939]

He would always say stop yelling. I'm not your child. Trying to have a rational conversation with them is like talking to a brick wall literally.

[@Herekittykitty01]

Spot on!

[@decoy2636]

I did develop a pattern of blowing my top when her bull would be putting great pressure on me. I'm currently working on that issue.

[@pamcarter6595]

Just dealing with a NARCISSIST is so draining. Great video Dr. C..

[@abcdefg208]

Then you have to learn how to say no and not involve them simple stay away from anyone who is jealous of your potential miss future hiliary Clinton ok sincerely abbs

[@pamcarter6595]

@@abcdefg208 ????

[@pamcarter6595]

@wang kerry TRY IS THE ONLY WE CAN DO.

[@v.britton4445]

Aliens please take them to Narcissist Asteroid....

[@shirleyguinyard8183]

Yes it is and it makes me unhappy he trys to control my every move though and deed.

[@Nancy-yw1rr]

I've found that the level of his anger was always disproportionate to the situation- way over the top. Also, he often got mad over misread situations/ conversations, then didn't allow any truthful response that should have de-escalated his anger. I think he actually liked being angry and purposely created scenarios to indulge his anger- he certainly made no attempt to control himself whenever he acted out.

[@CG-bt7oc]

Nancy L any clarification is a waste of your precious time anyways because they're not interested on hearing your opinion. Even if they were, the imagined, distorted situation in their head is their reality, so they will think that you're the one changing the story or not seeing things as they actually happened. Narcissists are really sick individuals impossible to reason with

[@FrancesShear]

A knowlegeable and educated social worker who was at one time victimized by domestic violence herself once informed me that there is such a thing as having an addiction to anger and the control of others.

[@francinesmith8109]

They LOVE being angry, it's one their core emotions. Without it, they feel nothing at all.

[@Nancy-yw1rr]

@@CG-bt7oc Agreed.

[@2gooddrifters]

Yes. Rice. It was really about me going out for yoga with a friend. He suddenly needed the car to buy rice. I lost control and cried . I don't know what more to do. This channel is my lifeline.

[@crsh2007]

It’s ironic how they want “control”, yet they can’t “control” themselves in any aspects of their lives 🙄

[@user-bt6qd8it1d]

And sabotage stalk and abuse and rape to cause others to fall evil who can’t stand tgey are wrong and guilty scapegoating rage frayd evil

[@leaphigh7889]

These are sad, unloved, undisciplined children. They are immature and have never been taught how to properly resolve conflicts. When they have children, they treat them the same way and the cycle continues. To have a child's emotions in an adult body is unnatural. The rest of us try to make sense of it. And, there are those who help......Thank you Dr Carter.

[@sharpieq6439]

BAM!!! You got that right on!!!!!!

[@lisagavin3402]

Sometimes they are put on a pedestal ,overindulged and can do no wrong in their parent's eyes (usually the mother).

[@MamtaNarang]

It's important for healthy people to procreate to save humanity. Else this cycle will continue.

[@melaniewiser708]

And they will usually project their problems onto you.

[@juliapurdy4653]

My theory has always been that they were spoiled rotten as children, the apple of their parents' eye, the Golden Child. I base this on direct observation. No one reined them in, taught them consideration of others, they could do no wrong, everyone (especially the mother) kowtowed to them, their fathers were rank narcissists as well, so they have no idea how to deal with setbacks or anything but admiration. Every tiny obstacle is like an insurmountable mountain to them. They just do not know how to have a rational, adult conversation on an emotional level.

[@tam-i-am2022]

After 20 yrs of this abuse, I finally decided to divorce my narc. I’ll be free from him in 2 more months but I already feel relieved.

[@conchuk590]

@Tami Moore, Congratulations! 🤗

[@kesmarn]

Wishing you all the best!

[@tammyw.4779]

Tami Moore - BEST of luck to you!! Congratulations. ❤️

[@iopiachereitalia9792]

Guard yourself with dignity and discernment.

[@marshamcdonald1475]

Free at last! Free at last!

[@lissacablerware8475]

Silent rage is terrifying. There is a look on their face... a feeling from miles away. It is evil. It is pathetic. It is pitiful. ‘Shock and awe’. Get away from it. Close the door. Find the light. Shine your light 🕯💔😭😢 Dr Carter your podcasts are blessings that are timely delivered. Again, thank you 🙏🏽

[@carriered4715]

I Know That Look, it's Chilling to see. And Scary.

[@lesliebell5461]

Try working every day with that look.....shiver..

[@DarthShadie]

OMG yes. A look fo displeasure, or disapproval, a removal of approval you never asked for. "What are your plans for today." You share, and then disapproval, disappointment, displeasure. Seething. And you change your plans, outfit, makeup, whatever, without them even having said anything.

[@nizasas504]

So true

[@Blue_Newt_01]

Lissa Cabler Ware Oh dear.. that silent rage would fill the room while he sat in a chair staring out the window all day long. When I quit responding to the silent rage, things got much worse. He would wreck or cut my garden plants just to see my reaction when I found them. After I recognized the pattern and quit responding or reacting his anger would explode. You are exactly right... get out, get away and never ever go back. I purchased my own home which feels so pleasantly peaceful now.

[@Hawelufamily]

Oh those long lectures! He kept going until I was exhausted. I put a stop to those by refusing to engage. 4 years later I’m divorced and happy. No more anxiety. These people are like poison to your body.

[@wandah9468]

Is it lecturing or verbal masturbation?

[@marlamartenson5312]

Yes.. the looong lectures make me insane!!!

[@christineaufderheide3365]

Yup. The stress will oftentimes result in physical sickness: bronchitis, rash, hives, headaches , pneumonia etc...even cancer. &&& they won’t be there for you

[@torque63]

Exhausting is putting it mildly

[@claytenburns5635]

My narc is just the opposite she wont talk about anything I'm the one that will try and try to talk with her about out problems but get no feed back it the relationship 😞 I'll get so aggravated that shes not talking that I wont shut up until I give her anxiety just trying to get my point across and her to understand

[@MiAowWow]

A narcissist use anger and rage to put you in your place, to make you shut up, to let you know who's in charge and to get their way. I learned that during my relationship with my ex (narc) boyfriend. He could be civil / nice etc one minute only to explode in a rage, sometimes violent, the next. Somehow I managed to stay cool, calm and collected on the outside even though it was very frightening and I sometimes was terrified. He couldn't take my dignity away from me since I didn't stoop to his (low) level and I didn't give him the respones he so desperately wanted and needed. To me this was obviously part of my defence mechanism and self-preservation. I have to say my poker face is my best friend in situations like this. 🙂🙏 Dr Carter Thank you for this video, it really resonates with me and my own experiences with narcissistic anger. 🙏🙂❤

[@FrancesShear]

Or some covert narcissists will just look for flimsy excuses to make a sanctioned permanent exit from your life as soon as their relationship with you becomes less profitable to them for a short period of time like several weeks.

[@anak5183]

I would smile and say, "I dont know why people make faces like that." Oh did he flip fast...became like a little puppy, all quiet and kind. He stopped trying to intimidate me. Even so, he ended running from me and I let him go. He never got an emotional reaction from me...poker face to the end. Messes with their mind I think.

[@jenniferfisher8953]

Poker face and walk away

[@CG-no7js]

Narc would rage & start fight to run to have affairs

[@SheenaRea]

It's an animalistic rage. Reminds me of a demonic possession or something.

[@DarthShadie]

They rage at you but prevent you from expressing any frustration whatsoever. He never got physical though, he knew not to cross that line, it was always a tone of voice, a look, and a weird sensation in the atmosphere. My brother described his energy as "feeling sleepy around him" so you get docile and obey.

[@SheenaRea]

@@DarthShadie Exactly! If I dare speak up to this individual, it's hell to pay. So I act neutral, no expression on the face, docile. Yes it is very much like being sleepy. Walking on eggshells. I yearn for my freedom. It'll come some day.

[@sharpieq6439]

Jeezabel Spirit?

[@universaltruth2025]

Sheena Yes!! Their eyes get a look of contempt, disgust mixed with absolute rage. Narcissistic injury alright.

[@joannajohnson696]

Yes demonic is the right context. He stands over me with his 6'2" hovering over me raging, screaming at the top of his lungs. This is emotional battery.

[@jram8555]

Any victim ever lash out against their abuser? Very hard not to. Then it is used against you. This dynamic causes the abused, to abuse themselves with guilt. I have gone completely “nuts” in anger trying to prove my point and grievances to be treated like a human being.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Yes, that's the trap they lay. Dr. C

[@carriered4715]

I Listened Carefully the last time my adult Narc Daughter was yelling at me, and the things she was coming out with were So Nonsensical that I actually Burst out laughing ! It was Just So Ridiculous what she was shouting about ! She's employed as a Professional, and it occurred to me that None of her high up work collegues would Recognize the Screaming Monster she'd become, over Nothing !

[@anitazakarian908]

JR AM, that is so true! It made me " get stuck"

[@gc8024]

Yes confrontation,, rage came. Cops were called on me,,. Police were mad ,,, it was all for her not getting her way. ,I'm on to her,, police said. Don't waste our time. She just walked away.

[@lauradempsey2703]

It's a trap to make you lash out...to make you look crazy,that's why they rage at you

[@foxiedogitchypaws7141]

I don't know how I lived for 30 years and still have a half a mind, or stayed alive.

[@dianalynn3959]

Yep, same here. Amazingly resilient, i guess.

[@mdee860]

Yes, same here. I also wonder how I can still laugh & smile at times! Hugs to all here.

[@anitazakarian908]

I feel you! I feel this same way. Thank you to all of you " guys" really! Validation and support are healing...and so healthy! That gas lighting stuff is wicked and the confusion it brings. I was turning into a nut job ..ever so slowly and the ex- husband loved that!

[@daythaheintzelman6634]

Omg..me too! 46 years this month! I do LOTS of grey rock and being silent!!!! When he rages I just sit silent and stare at him. Then say, " Interesting! Now, what are YOU going to do about it?" LMBO Then go silent again....

[@mdee860]

To everyone here, on this thread - sending you much love & support. I feel that too, we are all incredibly strong & resilient. I thank God/ higher power for my "accidentally" stumbling onto Dr. Carter's site. Truly, he is a sanity-saver. I am so grateful to him for generously giving his time to enlighten us to this evil Narcassism & for helping us heal. It amazes me how many people don't understand the massive destruction left in their wake. I am equally grateful to have found such a supportive, empathetic community here. Thank you all.

[@SpanishMixedMami]

For anyone that suffers with chronic pain, it took me years to realize that it was actually caused by the extreme stress on the body from a relationship with a family member who is a narcissist. Being exposed to someone so toxic for long periods of time can lead to chronic pain, fatigue and autoimmune diseases. It is not psychological, it’s physiological. High stress hormones for a long period of time takes its toll on the body. Hope this helps someone out there. Stay strong ❤️

[@peachesmcgee4795]

Same here.i've had Chronic Fatigue Syndrome for 19 years as a result of long term stress from my family.

[@SpanishMixedMami]

@@peachesmcgee4795 I’m sorry to hear that, I really believe it. Has it gotten any better by getting away from them?

[@peachesmcgee4795]

@@SpanishMixedMami sadly not.My dad's in care now so I thought things might get better as he was a major source of stress,but no difference.I do have a friend who moved to the US from the UK and she's noticeably better though!,Maybe it takes a change of continents! How about you?

[@destaana955]

Try telling someone who is on the narcissistic sprectrum about something they have done that has hurt you. They immediately respond with anger and start protecting their precious ego instead of understanding and feeling the concern you have with them because you care.

[@eunicejazz98]

She told me I was the one who did it. I told my sister you did "A" and I felt "B", her reaction. I didn't do "A", you did "A" to me and that was this other time not when you said it happened. She not only do not accept that she did it but she change the year it happened. Total gaslighting.

[@aungar2403]

Deep down, a narcissist feels glad that you are admitting you were hurt. Score!

[@destaana955]

@@sjwillis1137 Yeah. I believe there is. People can have narcissistic traits, but not be a complete narcissist. Complete narcissist would probably be a psychopath.

[@destaana955]

@Deplorable Cat Same with me. That smirk, like it was glad that I felt pain over them.

[@christinelawrence4315]

Destaana .. They are sad people devoid of a conscience or soul .. they purely cannot put themselves in another person's shoes - totally incapable of understanding anything...

[@Motivation_U2]

I watched a Netflix series "Bonfire of Destiny" - one line said in the show was, "Nobody else's truth matters, only my truth matters". A light bulb moment for me in learning about only one of the narcissists irrational mental thought pattern.

[@FrancesShear]

As long as narcissists are getting to play together in closets without any kind of disruptions or requests being made to them during their day you can get along with them because according to them they own the corner on all truth.

[@DarthShadie]

Sometimes both truths matter. You have two people half asleep having a misunderstanding. Both will remember things very differently because their perceptions will both have been skewed somewhat. Expressing both truths to figure out what probably actually happened and why each interpreted it the way they did is a perfect example of both truths being truth and false at the same time.

[@narcfreeatlast6975]

They have a different perception of reality than we do. So in THEIR eyes, their perception of reality is true. For us non narcs, OUR perception of reality is true to us.

[@DarthShadie]

@@miketonon7946 True. That's a good way to look at it.

[@loribuonamici1398]

God Bless You Fresno 750, you finally see the truth!!!! The truth hurts, yup, yes it does, but NOW you know the truth and can act accordingly!!! Do the Right Thing by you!! Disregard that unholy piece of shit narc and do what's right for YOU!!!!!

[@wildhorses6817]

Yes, you are the first person to describe this accurately. Even calling 911 is not helpful, covert narcs switch quickly and that calm, businesslike, professional appearance surfaces. It is heartbreaking and terrifying.

[@nizasas504]

My ex played this too, they can even convince professional people too... It's scary at times

[@truthwillprevail3147]

@@nizasas504 but they cannot convince professionals on the long run, only the ones they have dealings of a limited timeframe with. They're so used to get away with their lying and manipulation that when their neck already hangs in the gallow they still keep it up, for everyone to see who they really are. Just keep calm and collected, don't let them ignite you to act irrational, because that's exactly what they want, parade you as the crazy one they can point the finger at. Keep your peace and dignity, and let them dig their own grave. My ex wanted to cheat me out of everything. Once he realized his plan isn't working, he infront of the judge started arguing with the appraisor of the house, who had to tell him not once, not twice, but three times how he arrived at his numbers, which are 50% higher than what ex had stated and just about match my figures. Being angry about not being able to lie and cheat, ex still wanted to go on, but the judge cut him off. After several years she finally saw that it's not me trying to take advantage of him, as he had her believe, but that it's exactly the other way around. Hence, be calm and collected, be honest, and give things time to unfold, it takes time for the truth to find its way through the heaps of lies. He wouldn't dare rage at court, but he tried to make the expert to look like a fool, and it backfired. They have to win at all cost and get angry when they can't get their way. Having to show their imagined superiority makes them forget to keep their mask intact, their real self shows and they step out of line. And that's exactly what breaks their neck. Whereas I had to pay the full advance for the appraiser of the house, for the next appraisals the judge split the cost, he pays half, I pay half. And I'm certain once these appraisals are done, the judge will realize that she has been duped by a pathological liar, because they will verify even more lies he told the court. I know judges are suppose to handle themself unbiased, but they are human and nobody likes to have fallen for a liar. Game over.

[@truthwillprevail3147]

@Quiche Lorraine we can't chose who will be presiding over us at court, true that. But we can hire a good attorney who knows how to deal with high conflict people. And even when the narcissist is able to instrumentalize the court, an opinionated judge might lean toward the liar, but to safe face s/he's not able to totally disregard the truth when it's staring right at his/her face, i.e. the 200 thousand discrepancy between what my ex said the house is worth and what the appraiser calculated. How would the judge justify going along with ex's grossly false estimate? 200 T aren't peanuts which can be wiped off the table.

[@afakkobyab5982]

Therapists tell themselves they are being fooled in couple therapies because covert narcissist is playing so well, deceiving the therapist that their partner is the narcissist. Covert narcissists are hell unleashed upon earth to make good people suffer.

[@truthwillprevail3147]

@@afakkobyab5982 I have never been in therapy with a narcissist, but I'd dare say, if you objectively state some of the worst things the narcissist has done, the therapist will catch on. If the therapist still stays blind, terminate his/her service, and find another one. Same goes for lawyers and other professionals. Ex's lawyer tried to ridicule me because I had changed lawyers, but she's a lot more careful with what she says and writes. She knows, other than my first attorney, the new one won't accept her unfounded allegations and constant digs. And me changing attorney in the middle of proceedings sent the signal that I won't settle for crap.

[@funlovinbloke6266]

A narcissist's irrational anger. "It is not my fault that you got angry over my remarks / comments, it is your natural behaviour / reaction. You don't have your emotion in control as I have" says the narcissist. Or "I am not to blame, I am just being honest to you" they say.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

So true. Dr. C

[@cymbolichuman433]

@PerceptionDeception You'll never make it without me. You just wait... You're too stupid... He told me I was fat. I had 4 kids 5'8" and 140lbs. I told him... "Cowfat comes and goes... Bullfat stays" Also "It's worth $$$ (whatever they owe you) to never see your fuckin' ass again!"

[@cymbolichuman433]

@PerceptionDeception I said: It's worth a hundred dollars to never see you again."

[@joec1212]

@@miketonon7946 excercise however you can. Eat as well as you can. Try and be as happy as you can. Change your approach. Try to be overly accountable for almost everything in your life. Make sure you never feel sorry for yourself, or get a victim mindset. Nobody is coming to save you, and as you may have noticed doctors don't have all of the answers. If you've done all of this especially eaten great food, exercise, and tried your best to be positive, and you're doing your best at life, and still have all of these ailments try holistic remedies, or a doctor, but I believe a lot of our health is due to our choices, and outlook. Hope this helps. Narcissists should only be a problem for so long until you search for meaning, and wholeness. In my opinion you have to make that happen on your own unless your mentally, or physically handicapped. Those are extenuating circumstances. I also recommend quality books, or audiobooks/KZbin videos. I only listen or watch a certain amount of narcissist vids because I like the entertainment. It doesn't bother or hurt or even educate me that much anymore. I just get bored of the positive, or self help stuff sometimes, and need a change of scenery. Yes narcissists can be a problem for a season. At some point you have to take authority for your life.

[@DarthShadie]

"You MADE ME say that, you MADE ME do that." Always making US responsible for THEIR actions. Absolutely no accountability whatsoever.

[@signsfrombeyond4863]

A covert narc may appear on the surface to not need control, and so they seem more normal at first, over time you see that the covert narc uses the withholding of affection, secretiveness, and denial of emotional intimacy as forms of control.

[@tammyw.4779]

Signs FromBeyond - I imagine the covert narc. to be the more dangerous of the two. They’re gonna be the one that’s viewed as kind all while attempting to pull the rug out from under you. Just a thought. Thanks

[@Corinna_Schuett_GER]

@Quiche Lorraine the Jezebel Spirit is the malignant one. Her husband Ahab was rather a covert narc.

[@barryparks2286]

I am experiencing all of these. Controlling behavior is an Unhealthy Mindset.....

[@aliciam6177]

“Narcissists are prone to giving long, long lectures.” Boy, howdy! I call it the “How Great Thou Art” speech because it’s always about how fabulous he is and all the reasons I should feel like a turd for thinking (and saying out loud) he has room to improve or that something he did hurt me.

[@sduskybutterflyk3720]

Oh boy, can I ever relate to those lectures! On and on and then beyond! Hours on end! End result: I was drained and exhausted and she was on a "high".

[@wearingdentures4581]

How ironic i call my husbands rants “how great though art “ too he literally goes on for hours about how nobody can do all the things he can it’s nauseating

[@anitazakarian908]

Yes, lets just kiss their ring.......NOT!

[@ilovehorses5714]

Alicia, you are so right, girl!

[@alexbaird2670]

My narc mother's lectures drove me nuts. I put up with them for years. Latterly, I just left the room and did something else while she "held court" with other poor family or friends.

[@alibertylover]

The best strategy for life is to become educated & aware of these people & avoid them all costs....

[@crencottrell7849]

I've dealt with narcs when they exhibited narcissistic rage...they TRULY acted *evil/hateful/demon-possessed* 😬 and the amount of anger/hatred/vindictiveness was ALWAYS *disproportionate* to what they were angry about 🙄😅

[@KellyCrowleyUS3033853016]

The narcissist knows exactly where to hit to hurt. They threaten and then they do in sneaky retaliation. My ex yelled at me for sometimes 6 hours at a time. I could not figure out what the problem was. I figured it out.

[@JB-xx3vp]

I completely understand. Sometimes I would pass out on the couch while he was still screaming bc I couldn’t keep my puffy eyes open anymore. Congrats on getting away from him!

[@shahadah1451]

I am a healthy person, getting healthier every minute I listen to you! Thank you Dr. Carter!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

So pleased! Keep learning. Dr. C

[@ansol68]

It's sometimes difficult for me to listen to your content. I become so anxious and jittery inside it's like I'm actually reliving those very incidents that you are talking about. I believe that I truly suffer from PTSD. No one could understand that has not been there. That's not the half of it either. It would take a book to really express what it's like to deal with these people. I wish that I had known before what I know now. It has ruined my life.

[@Lexilea68]

You can be restored. Anyone can. You can!

[@ansol68]

@@Lexilea68 Thank you. I do believe that.

[@ansol68]

@@manicboy76 Thank's for your fine words. Because of kind people like you, my faith will slowly return. God bless.

[@mdee860]

Fight back. Go back to your kind, gentle self...without that person in your life.

[@steveminer3972]

Sorry 😐

[@twopurringcats]

You describe my narc parents perfectly. My mother especially but dad in large doses, too. Anger, domination and control is what they are all about. Even in old age. Threatening behavior and bullying, constant demeaning. I always stood against it. As a kid, I was punished with such hate. They took turns telling me how _____(horrible/selfish/arrogant/whatever projection they could come up with). I was a quiet kid who was all about art and horses. Not bad at all. When I was taken away from my parents, mom blamed me and tried hard to smear me. I ended up living with the headmistress of my private school. I never did anything and though she was never around, she knew I was a good kid. Narcs are relentless in destroying victims with any insults they can and anything you say can and will be used against you. Why I *love* being no contact. My life is peaceful because anger and hate are not allowed in my home. My parents will verbally beat each other up but fine..let them. They deserve one another. I work hard to help myself recover..even at 56..with a therapist and also on my own. Never give up.

[@Corinna_Schuett_GER]

Carolyn, you might want to save money and wasted effort with your therapist by turning your life to Jesus Christ, He's the one who can provide with the real TRUTH and solution to all of your problems in an instant but totally free of charge. Psalm 27:10

[@marshamcdonald1475]

Carolyn: I am so sorry you grew up in home environment Like that. But God intervened By removing you from the Home and providing you With a therapist and loving Person so you could bloom and grow. Some are not as Fortunate. All of us who have Been traumatized need a Professional therapist to Talk to , psychologist, psychiatrist trained in these Matters plus a walk with Christ ( his healing messages Of love, faith) . Thank you.

[@twopurringcats]

@@marshamcdonald1475 I was not that fortunate. I came from a family that had money but had none once I left. Mom loved seeing me struggle and both made jokes about my having to work multiple menial jobs at the same time to make ends meet. I slept on the floor after school until I got up enough cash to buy garage sale furniture. I've always had old cars. I sought out help at sliding scale mental health clinics and generally paid nothing. I am grateful to have turned my life around with hard work and resourcefulness. My car died so I'm saving up for another. I might not be well off but I am glad to have a decent home and peace. I've struggled and got nothing easy in my adult life. But I have saved up and traveled, gotten ahead, have success in my home business. Despite clinical anxiety, C-PTSD and clinical depression. I never, ever give up.

[@twopurringcats]

@Llib Olaffub Bless you. I wish you healing and happiness. ❤

[@slitherclaw420]

I am relieved and scared at the same time to the fact that there are soooo many more people in the world like my mom. 24 years, still sane. i wish everyone luck handling the narcissists in everyone's life

[@Kevin-wo3kp]

I applaud all the videos on narcissistic arena, but truthfully, after a lifetime of suffering at the hands of these monsters (you heard me), I have no energy or care to understand their behaviour. My efforts are in healing me as there is no closure to be had from such inward looking beings.

[@tammyw.4779]

Kevin - I thought the same as you really!! So I gave Dr. Carter a chance, and just listened to him. The more I learned from him the more confident I became about myself, and the confident I became - I’m able to heal from the pain caused me. I just want to move on past the pain. Good luck on doing the same. God bless. ❤️

[@Kevin-wo3kp]

@@tammyw.4779 Hi Tamara! Thanks for your reply. I'm well on the way of healing - it was the jolt of seeing another narcissism video (I've subbed to a few!) and an involuntary wave of historical disgust came over me prompting my first post. I give credit to all the content creators who have aided me and others to move on. 2020 is a new year - and this time, it's mine!

[@CG-bt7oc]

Kevin you are absolutely right about there not being any closure, because all of the issues with them have never been dealt with and you will forever be the bad guy in their eyes, never able to prove otherwise. I pray for a wonderful healing journey for you and that the years ahead will more than make up for the years of misery with these "monsters"

[@Kevin-wo3kp]

@@CG-bt7oc A super thank you!

[@tammyw.4779]

Kevin - I actually like your outlook. It will be yours Kevin! 👍😃

[@zaneyenny]

This is great! The solution to their anger is the beloved no contact.

[@cornpopssidechick9509]

What's the difference between a narcissist and a drug addict? A drug addict might change when they become sober.

[@corinnenorton6746]

A Recovered Addict also can still be a full blown Narcissist as well 👍

[@fk3972]

@@corinnenorton6746 yes my mum’s a recovered alcoholic but nasty as hell. I think I’d prefer her drunk 🥴

[@jenniferraymond9766]

Narcs never sober up. Always looking for supply.

[@life-rethought]

@@corinnenorton6746 married one. A sober narc.

[@rosewms1]

As a past victim of such irrational and shocking explosive anger from a narc, i’m anxious to hear what the doc says.

[@FrancesShear]

What ever you do when you hear from your doctor don't assume that whatever he says has been written in stone. Many people who just got away from a domestic abuse situation get a diagnosis that goes away after a while in safety. Pharmaceutical companies just love nieve people who believe that many of their solutions to longer than 2 week problems in life are close to being like holy grails.

[@nancyayers6355]

Me too, and I divorced my freakish excuse for a human being. But I carry many scars in my mind and on my body from that "marriage." How can such people exist!? It nearly caused me to doubt that God even existed for a while!!

[@pambrunelle8772]

yes irrational and very terrifying , like a huge toddler thrashing around because you gently said "no cookies before dinner" . Feeling so much better no that I am in healing away from him. I love this channel thank you for your work !

[@toniwilliams9817]

The best thing to do is walk away...run, if possible. Heal yourself, realize that you were just dealing with a sick individual, and stay far, far away from them. Block them on all fronts, and do not let them be able to hoover/stalk you. Don't respond to any attempts for them to reach you. Just move on...

[@shewho333]

My mom had actual files on everyone she knew. Including me. So very ugly. My ex used to call “truth night” where he would interrogate me until daylight. Both were physically, emotionally, spiritually abusive. Abusive doesn’t seem like a strong enough word...sadistic maybe. Lucky I survived those two...💪

[@conchuk590]

@Justme Nahsahhae, My Narcissist never kept physical records that I'm aware of, but constant repetition of my "misdeeds" reinforces her skewed recollection of them. It's an impressive arsenal of half-truths that can be used at any time to demean me or to threaten to expose me. What I have to laugh at is how many items on this list are "samples of one". That is, she will take a single incident and use it to illustrate that I'm a certain kind of (bad) person. A statistician would view these incidents as "outliers", as would any logical person. If your narcissist threatens to reveal such items, most folks will see that they don't come close to defining you.

[@conchuk590]

P.S. "Truth Nights" sound like everyone's worse nightmare. I'm sorry you were treated so horribly.

[@shewho333]

con chuk , she had an amazing memory for slights, both real and imagined, so I could never figure out why she needed the files, unless she was worried about losing her memory. A sad statement to surrounding herself with misery and an excuse to not do the work of maintaining relationships. She tried to use things against me with them, but most people saw that a normal mom wouldn’t do that. Sadly, she took that anger to her grave after her sister, who was even more malicious, took advantage of her for her money. So much wasted life....

[@conchuk590]

I am very sorry to hear that. Such a waste of energy that, had things been different, could have been channelled for good.

[@prittyugly86]

Sounds like jim Jones white nights lol. Yeah my moms like that... can pull up a bad memory of you from decades ago no one remembers but conveniently can't remember scratching up my face, or threatening to disown me if I told the truth. I think of the scene from wizard of oz when the good witch tells the bad witch to leave because her powers don't work in the munchkin land 😋😋😋

[@jillyschneider6187]

The lectures would happen every 2~3 months and would last at least 3 hours. I gave up on trying to say anything because literally nothing I said was "the correct answer." I would just sit there like a grey rock until it was over.

[@nubiankhaleesi2945]

The rage is sooooo over the top, shocking, cruel - and for the most minute things. I remember once during one of the rages how AWFUL the narc looked! Demonic if u ask me- it was STARTLING. Cussed me out, called me the worst names, and on and on. I remember feeling very numb and zombie-ish. Videos like this help SO MUCH. Eye opener for sure. Thanks Doctor!!!❤❤❤🙏🏽🙏🏽

[@dawnstonerock884]

Experienced this Saturday on our fourth date. I'm done.

[@sharpieq6439]

Run!!!!! : )

[@claudieC.]

Run!!!

[@christinelawrence4315]

Dawn Stonerock .. Believe me lovely lady you have "dodged a bullet"... move on and count your blessings that. you didn't end up with a psycho control freak who would eventually try to destroy your life... I wish you every happiness in the future x

[@lindsayschilling8707]

RUN!!!

[@AhnkAton]

The empty & insecure narcissist thrives and steals credit from your creativity and yet, envies and angry at your innate good qualities & ability to survive and move on regardless of his obvious hatred & animosity towards you!

[@TechWiz1983]

What you’ve taught me doc: Staying angry with a narcissist is literally like staying angry with a handicapped person who is missing a leg and is incapable of running quickly enough to keep up with me. Without your videos this truth could never prevail over the anger I had towards my narc; but now I understand better. Her handicapped way of thinking and very poor EQ have no reflection on who I am as a person. This is just how she is with everyone. Kindness doesn’t change it. Life experience matters a great deal. Thank you doc. I mean it! THANK-YOU!!! ❤️

[@thenaturelady4676]

There is an easy way to summarize my father's level of narcissism, he believed he owned me because he had paid child support. There is probably no help or hope for him, but with videos like these I see cliffs that I must avoid, so there may be hope for me.

[@Corinna_Schuett_GER]

Psalm 27:10 there's always hope for you! 🙏

[@laurawhitaker1797]

On New Years Eve, I invited a Narc friend (now an ex-friend) to my home for dinner and to spend the night. Prior to dinner, we shared some wine, which I noticed she was consuming at an accelerated pace. As the evening wore on she began to drink wine like glasses of water, gulping instead of sipping it. I tried to encourage her to eat more food, as she was becoming increasingly drunk and morose, tears streaming down her face along with makeup as she recounted various people who had wronged her. When midnight approached, she grabbed a bottle of champagne to uncork it. At this point, I told her she needed to stop. She finally went to bed, ending what was a miserable, stress-filled evening. Of course she became ill and was making generous use of the bathroom all night and the next day. When she finally left at 4:00 pm on New Years Day, I was relieved but astonished at her arrogance and lack of remorse as she directed me to load her bags in the back of her car. She later offered an anemic apology, but I detected no sincerity in it. I attributed this to her feeling embarrassed and moved on. A couple of weeks ago during a phone conversation she informed me that while doing Yoga she surmised that she suspected I enjoyed seeing her unravel when she was drunk. This of course put me on the defensive and having to deny her accusation, which wasn’t true. It also shifted the blame from herself to me-the implication being I had enabled her inebriation to exact some kind of sadistic pleasure from her misery. Between this mind-fkery and other increasingly scathing verbal assaults promoted as helpful attempts to set me straight, I cut off all contact with her-something her own family has done. Now I completely understand why. Overall, I think a lot of narcissists’ anger is manufactured and projected on others to distract them from having to take a realistic look at their own transgressions.

[@LL-eg4er]

His attitude... “ you better check with me before you dare to be happy!”. His happiness came first. I needed to work hard at it or that irrational anger flared up, followed by the silent treatment.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

How dare you be happy! Ugh. Dr. C

[@LL-eg4er]

Surviving Narcissism We went on a trip to Italy a year or so ago. When we woke up on the first day there, I jumped out of bed, ran to the window and opened the curtains! I was so excited and could hardly wait to get out of the hotel. He became quiet and pretty much didn’t talk to me the rest of the day. Now I understand that he hated to see me happy.

[@martcichocki5571]

Been a physical/ emotional victim of unjustified anger many times--BEFORE, I became educated to NPD. No contact now!

[@carefulcarpenter]

The excellerated pace of life has allowed the irrational to dominate.

[@seckhoffable]

Interesting idea. I'm going to think on it.

[@LD-qo7kf]

Anger: Zero to 100 in a millisec.

[@waderivers3304]

Just broke up with one after four years and though I love her I realize that the situation will never change. She also gaslights and it just got old. These videos really help because it took a lot to finally cut it off and to be honest I feel very relieved.

[@tonijohnson1184]

Now imagine growing up with a narcissistic mother. Never would have made it without 🙏 and perseverance.

[@shannon9780]

Oh yeah. First part of healing is to stop taking their rage personally. It is anything but.

[@dbrown2728]

Thank you. I really learn a lot from your videos.

[@charlesgold9016]

Easier said than done!

[@aftabyounis4852]

So true. I used to take everything personally and react or even over- reacted making myself look like the monster.

[@nadinegomez8858]

This is VERY true! He literally said he hates me, and will “hate me forever” but he doesn’t know why & “doesn’t question it”! Freaking MADDENING

[@lighttheway5088]

He said he felt no intimate wanting with me, yet he loved me. He said it was my fault....

[@phoenixrising8007]

Pull back Observe Stay calm and centered Respond in a firm calm monotone voice like you’re speaking to a child without condescending. Narcs are sensitive to tone and volume as well as sarcasm 🙄 They often react to your anger, your body language, facial expressions and can’t even hear you. They perceive your emotion as a challenge and will butt heads with you Stay Neutral 😎❤️

[@cyndimoring9389]

Anger is a fascinating emotion. My greatest life challenge has been to control it constructively--not squash it, but use it correctly. And to understand it in others and how to deal with that.

[@lyndaarnall1507]

Oh my goodness, that is exactly how my husband talks to me, very nasty mouthed. Most upsetting

[@Miss_Wonderful1]

I don't know why, when I read irrational anger I thought about physical violence, forgetting that irrational anger can be, and is, psychological too. Demeaning, smear campaign, telling private information... oh yes, I've been through that all and I was responding to my ex's actions in a way I didn't like at all. I always played his game and I was turning into a bitter, frustrated person that looked a lot like the one he stated I was.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Yes, it can include the physical, but my focus here was a on the fuller concept of lacking rationale in general. Dr. C

[@joanplaylist304]

Yes, irrational and mean spirited. Learning to keep my distance for the sake of my peace. Thanks Dr. C.🌹

[@Nancy-yw1rr]

For me, I always felt attacked and that I needed to defend myself against his outrageous accusations and insults. I got lost in the quest for validation and truth. I never stooped to using his insane tactics, but I wasted so much time trying to reason with a person who had no interest in fairness or decency. I foolishly thought if I stayed calm and spoke truthfully that eventually he would match my efforts to resolve his misplaced anger. It never worked because it's always about them "winning"- at any cost. They have no real integrity and their lack of object constancy allows them to be incredibly cruel. I was not practicing self care by allowing myself to be treated this way, and when I stopped allowing it, our relationship ended. He, of course, saw it as defiance. They can't even be honest with themselves, much less anyone else.

[@christinelawrence4315]

Nancy L -- Congratulations for honouring YOU and ending your relationship with a cruel, destructive narcissist .. however, when one leaves a NARC they truly do "pay" for it one way of the other... My ex said to me "you're nothing without me and you'll never ever make it on your own" .. well folks that gave me more strength and determination to push forward even though it was one of the most painful things I had to do in my life (in order to save myself and the children) ... #Courage

[@bonniey7299]

Right words, spoken the right way, can be a very powerful, and instant pain killer. Thank you for your comment 🕊️♥️✝️🌈🛐😃👍.

[@countrygirl4213]

You must be so happy now🌹I'm right behind you..soon.

[@AlastairjCarruthers]

I'm an extremely calm and rather confident person, so my narcissist's rages never got her anywhere. She simply could not rattle me, it drove her crazy. So of course, she would try the silent treatment instead. Then that didn't work either. Typically she'd give up after a week or two and just magically go back to normal and pretend like nothing ever happened (there would be no apology or accountability, obviously). Then next time there was another flare-up, that last rage would get added on to the new rage. This wasn't exactly what you'd call sustainable, hence me walking away in the end.

[@Slarti]

My team lead is a narcissist and I have been told that my job may be at risk, as in I may be sacked. So I asked to meet to find out what I could improve. I sat and listened patiently as he tried for an hour to provoke me into an argument but I kept my cool. The lecture only stopped because we had a team meeting - as you mention he would have gone on and on given the opportunity. At one point he started questioning me on what I had learned on my degree course, which I graduated from 27 years ago. Bear in mind that I work in IT and the world wide web had not gone public in 1992, the year I had completed my information systems degree course. It took a lot of calm not to call him a fool.

[@captainrankin6865]

record this next time it happens, if possible ...

[@teachersusanute199]

My kids and I were so afraid of his rages. They were insane and anything could set him off

[@therealspixycat]

They also apply that shock and awe when you are in a vulnerable position. For example you are a passenger of them to a destination far remote: they start an you have no way to go.

[@nathantrudgill5057]

Whenever I expressed that I felt like I was treated unfairly by narcissist ex, she would always respond "oh it's always poor you, isn't it?"

[@jenniferkovach9997]

I got out after 15 years, now I’m happily divorced and healing! They will eventually make you sick if you stay, once out my panic attacks and constant anxiety went away, I had to get some help so I worked with a great therapist and started meditating and I’m now doing well. Nobody should accept this abuse!

[@2gooddrifters]

Tonight the angry narcissistic in my life built a whole drama about his demands about rice. It devolved into him explaining it wasn't about him but it was my father. I'm 66. I am going crazy trying to deal with him.

[@Lexilea68]

Don't claim crazy. This sounds like spiritual warfare.

[@nancyayers6355]

Then why don't you leave!?

[@Hugging_Cactus]

a narcs interactions with their targets is an expression of anger and rage. in fact, their calm appearance is an over compensation for rage. when they slow down their speech patterns, its their version of yelling.

[@begonia3546]

Its mind boggling when you realize how anyone could possibly put so much into normalizing their dominance over another.They must quit their 9 to 5 job to keep you quiet & denunciated. Thank you so much for all you do Dr C❣❣❣

[@gnrncrue]

This is SOOO EXCELLENT!! Everything you say here is the complete picture and analysis of the Narcissist I know! Vigilantly searching and forcing '"respect"' so much, that every little thing is interpreted as "disrespect"! ugggg!

[@sweetwoodruff6246]

One of the worst memories of my life was sitting on a bed with my little brother. I think I was 4 or 5. She was mad at my father (she had already remarried my step dad). She had pictures of Daddy and us in the top dresser drawer and she was ripping up all the photos of him in a rage. Her mouth was foamy and she was screaming, hysterical and I remember just sitting there crying, holding my brother. I managed to save one picture of me and my father but it’s long gone. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’ll never forget that night. She alienated us from him, our step father adopted us, she would have 2 more daughters whom she hated because my step father loved his daughters. It still hurts. She used to beat the hell out of us. Her favorite thing was to pull daughter’s hair. I’m still afraid of her.

[@christinelawrence4315]

Michael Woodruff .. I am so sorry to read such a sad story and I pray that you and your brother have healed and separated yourselves from this aggression. Praying for complete healing for you both in Jesus Name AMEN XX

[@CG-no7js]

My narc once foamed at the mouth, as he raged about his abusive mom. Creepy!

[@kathleenward596]

He would belittle me and yell at me until I ran upstairs in tears. When I returned to serve dinner, he said, "The children and I are puzzled as to why you are crying."

[@kscheuerman5378]

Thanks Dr. C. I am so glad you have videos every week! It is a great feeling to know how much you care for all of us out here. Take care and God Bless.

[@joannajohnson696]

You are a great public speaker Dr. Carter. Lucky for me, your subject is directly relevant to my life circumstance. I am fortunate to have your videos!

[@JennyverseLive]

Wow, this describes the behaviour of someone I know absolutely perfectly. The last few days have been horrendous, so this video couldn't have come at a better time!

[@gayleneboucher1456]

"Hijack your personality!" Exactly what they do. Thank you for that!

[@elizabethcochrane9229]

Oh yes , He had a massive Tantrum today ... So over it !! Time for some peace & quiet .. 52 Years of it ... I only found out recently about Narcissism , I was told by a Councillor, it wasn’t me after all .. Definitely time to go .. 🌸🦋

[@MarlanWarren]

Hit it right smack on the head! I spent years dealing with my narcissistic brother's irrational anger towards me. And I finally came to the conclusion this last time that his accusations were a byproduct of his alternate universe because they were untrue and he would not listen to my side of the story. Very difficult to have grown up with somebody and tried to love them all these years... And finally realize that his attempts to control and make up lies about me are not my fault. I let him go. Which is a much more painful process then one would imagine because I also love him very much and I know that he loves me. But this cannot be fixed.

[@thetheraine]

being scape goated by my family and having a big 'reject' sign on my head... obviously...lol... I have been living with a narc for 25 years...because I was trained to be a scape goat by my siblings et al...I thought it was all normal and I was trying to always make the narcs happy...it has only been in the last 5 or so years...that I have realized... NO... IT ISN'T ME... IT'S HIM/THEM... and I have dumped my loser siblings and no longer speak to them, relatives or anyone from my past that shit on me...and now I am full of ANGER... because my life has been wasted by these pathetic narcs... and now I have to clean the pus out of my wound and heal myself...because I am totally alone and have no one at all to help me... and I'm so sick of people who say - oh, just forget about it - all that means is they couldn't care less and don't want to hear about it...that's why there is so much abuse on the planet... no one want to deal with it, they just prefer to pretend it isn't happening... especially when it's not happening to them...

[@betsyhood1206]

You've done the right thing. Family is meaningless when it's a narc. Make your own family.

[@thetheraine]

@@betsyhood1206 - apparently scape goats tend to see through the bullshit and point out the obvious... thinking it is obvious to others also...when in fact others don't want to know the truth, but to hide in their delusions and so avoid the scape goat or attack the scape goat out of fear and then project their shit onto the scape goat. So sadly... I haven't been able to find 'my own tribe'...except for my affinity with my cats and animals in general... : )

[@betsyhood1206]

Don't discount the animals, they are great therapy. I am going though active conflict with my brother and I spent at least 5 months with a knot in my stomach, but I continued to just work on myself. It's a process, so you will get better in small increments. Forget them and just work on you.

[@thetheraine]

@@betsyhood1206 - I have had so many pets...they have kept me sane...but it 's heartbreaking to lose them...but really, they are all I have...and Jesus... : ) Good luck with your brother and I'm glad you are working on your own healing because as you say... it does get better...slowly... but surely... what annoys me is that we have to heal ourselves because of them and their needless abuse... but they are the one's with hate in their hearts...we are the one's with understanding in ours and hopefully karma will be a bitch when it catches up with them... lol...Blessings Betsy... : )

[@jeanetteredden24]

When I "woke up" to the truth (as family scape goat) ... on one hand I was relieved to see I wasn't a loser or a bad person... on the other hand I too was angry: at them for lieing to me for years, angry because I was programmed as a child to be a loser for my sick twisted dysfunctional family, and angry for the wasted life and lost years because I was so broken. The last 5 years I have been set free from being the family scapegoat and whipping boy. It feels good, and the anger has passed. Sadly my ex family is still caught up in that tangled web of lies and deceit so I am pretty much no contact, which can feel a little strange or lonely sometimes. But I never want to assume that scapegoat position again, and it feels wonderful to be free from it. When I meet someone new, I am aware that he/she may be a narcissist who is a chameleon wearing a nice mask or facade, like honey for a fly, with their special radar searching for their next prey. Haha. I am determined that it will not be me that they 'make a meal of' !

[@barbarawhite4225]

I stopped my narcissist cold by simply walking out of her life. It was at the expense of my entire family but it was worth it since the narcissist (sister) had spread lies about me and they believed her.

[@Haitianwife]

One thing that I am learning is you become like them if you give into them !!! I finally grew into a new ME!!!! and now I see them as a 5 year old having a tantrum which helps me to deal with these anger outbursts !!! I rather have my peace of mind and mental clarity!!!

[@hotfuj2012]

We would be having a conversation and if I ask a question or make a comment, he blows up. It's as though I am not allowed to participate in the conversation we are having. After he gets angry ( and verbally abusive) he says its my fault why he has to get angry at me .

[@preangelamarks8474]

I went thru this this that's one thing they hate most is person asking questions

[@reddawn8230]

Exactly this! Like it’s your job to regulate his emotions. But never his fault if you’re hurt/angry. Exhausting.

[@kenbehzadi1185]

Doctor Carter: Thank you immensely for explaining the narcissistic person so accurately with valuable help in making us aware on proper responses

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks Ken. Received with gratitude! Dr. C

[@clydebrundage3215]

Very good and TRUE. The reason I know , Is because I have lived with a narcissist for the last 15 years. Her venom did not come full force until about 5 years after I agree to let my Mother in law to move in with us. Suddenly one day I wasn’t able to have my parents over without having to put up with her anger expressed through my wife. Then one day through her controlling anger it just wasn’t worth all the trouble to have my grandson over ( from a previous marriage). Once I realized I was dealing with a narcissist it helped me with two issues. One issue is forgiveness and forget. My heart struggled because my bitterness continued. Because her narcissist actions continued. My first line belief was forgiveness and full and complete reconciliation. I was the only one who felt that way as time went on and her behavior continued to operate in the realm of hatefulness. I was the only one trying to come to middle ground. I learned a lot of what you are saying on my own. Thinking I was going to die and go to hell because I could not forgive this person. Now I have a more healthy out look. Your videos helps me confirm what I learned and I am moving on. She is still in my house and my marriage is wrecked. I do everything alone. I go to church and meet friends and I go see my parents alone. The wife takes the side of the narcissist (anger control). I pray one day my wife will wake up. Keep the videos coming. Take care

[@cutiepatootie1906]

Hey! All of you(us) out there recovering from these awful relationships, don't give up! Even during the darkest moments, you know in your gut the advice you're hearing is spot on. Educate yourself, do stuff that makes you smile. There are good people out there. Can't expect to have healthy relationships if we ourselves aren't healthy

[@cathyproctor3708]

I was married to a narcissist, he was angry all the time, just like a pot of stew that is simmering. I didn't even know the word "narcissist" then. I finally left him, and came out of the closet, he found out and was telling everyone. When we were having counseling, he'd say that because I made him mad, it made him break, or destroy what ever was in front of him.

[@mrp8173]

Nsrcs are no more than devilish insanity trash

[@cairosilver2932]

Always someone else is at fault for what they did. They ironically don't have enough ego to handle taking it on the chin that they were at fault or even just that they aren't compatible with others. Sorry you went through that.

[@cteinc.4571]

When you say that you came out of the closet, that topically means that someone was holding back on who they really are with regards to sexual orientation. If this was the case, you were not being totally honest with him. If I got the wrong idea, please forgive me. If I'm correct, does your former dishonesty haunt you? Thanks😊

[@donnahilton471]

@@cteinc.4571 who's trying to turn the subject back to the victim?😉

[@cteinc.4571]

@Donna, hello to you. I know that you're likely joking but I was being quite serious because I was seeking clarity. I don't like to assume anything about anyone, but the term, "Closet" usually means that something was hidden. The other person could have meant that they came out the closet with the will to walk away from a bad situation. It's not clear to me but I post comments in hopes of helping and encouraging someone, somewhere. Much love!😉

[@cymbolichuman433]

I couldn't believe it when I saw the one about long, long speeches about other's imperfections and how they never acted like that...etc...etc...etc... Oh God that's the first time I heard about that. That's got to be grounds for murder ... So sick of it....

[@nancyayers6355]

I finally got to the point that every time he would fly out of town on business, I would hope his plane would crash!! Once he had to catch his plane early in the morning, but still made time to curse at me before leaving. It was barely dawn, so after he finally left, I went back to sleep. I dreamed the sheet on our bed had a HUGE circle of fresh blood which covered the white sheets from one end of the mattress to the other! Things actually went downhill from there, though! I barely survived that relationship!

[@izawaniek2568]

Decency, sanity, stability, civility, respect, love, peace define me and I refuse to be drawn into the narcisistic irrational fear-based power and control seeking anger. God bless you dr Carter. ❤

[@hisnewlife3543]

My ex husband narcissist who rents a room from me last night after I asked him to put the plastic coke bottles in my recycling bag because I drive them down to the recycling center and he puts them in the garbage can, said after that “I am going to take this house away from you!” which is his constant threat. All from asking him to put the coke bottle in the recycling. He told me he will never recycle and to dig in the garbage bin to get them out, followed by threatening me that I will be homeless.

[@captainrankin6865]

Get this turd out of your house somehow! Don't take his threat lightly, remember these demons are well, DEMONS

[@hisnewlife3543]

@@captainrankin6865 thank you, @Captain Rankin. I am trying hard to find a full time job so I can afford to do just that. So far, I have a part time seasonal job at Lowes and the pay is low and hours sparse. I am also painting a lady’s house for free to bless her and I am hoping that it will turn into other people actually hiring me because they like my work. I am also a graphic designer and would like to find some clients. (I live in a small town and people don't like to spend money) but you are right about the demons. That is exactly what I am up against. One time when he was screaming at me, I could feel the demonic presence and it scared me so much. Please pray.

[@captainrankin6865]

@@hisnewlife3543 well I wrote a reply and it disappeared, in case it doesn't return, here it is again: ... YES will pray ... *the house painting project will surely bring in work* ... I know a guy who does OK with his odd jobs & home repair biz just by word-of-mouth, *people WILL tell people* . Do get business cards printed if you can, Vistaprint.com is pretty cheap. Bless you, keep on being yourself and going forward. When you can get him outta your house that will be a further healing thing ...

[@hisnewlife3543]

@@captainrankin6865 that was a great idea, and I have made some painting cards and house cleaning cards, too. We have a lot pf both in my town but maybe someone will give me a chance. I named it, Faith Paint and Faith Housekeeping because right now, I am really walking by faith and not by sight.I git them at Vistaprint on a super sale so they were very cheap. Thank you for the encouraging words. They help so much! 😊

[@captainrankin6865]

@@hisnewlife3543 You are very welcome! Just one certain client will absolutely lead to job after job, the "secret" is to remain optimistic & let the good energy flow. By the way, I give better advice than I take, so I'm going to also practice what I've said here :-) ...

[@annharrison4774]

My daughter is a narcissist, and when I told her I was having medical procedures as an out-patientat hospital. and mentioned I would like her to come with me as moral support, after she told me I was NEVER There for her like her Father (we're divorced)! When I reminded her of the time SHE was in hospital and I stayed with her all night for five nights until she came home. She told me she didn't need all this shit.

[@mikenorenberg4540]

This is helping me to really understand what I am a very bad narcissists. My poor wife has had to put up with this for over 20 years. I want to change. To everyone out there this is not a lie or looking for sympathy.

[@Corinna_Schuett_GER]

Mike, please turn your focus on reading the Bible then If you truly want to change. Start with reading Psalms, Proverbs and the book of Romans to better understand what your (and everybody elses!) problem is and how to deal with it in future to get it perfectly solved. Get well soon and Blessings your way! 😊

[@BeatnikDesigns]

Excellent perspective, as usual Dr. Carter! I am being blamed for ruining Father's Day, when in reality the sound of one of my musical jewelry boxes woke me up at 5 am and then a flashlight was pointed in my face. Needless to say, I was surprised and groggy and had an attitude at first. Within a minute I was up and out of bed to apologize and wish him a Happy Father's Day. I looked outside and he was in his truck pulling away. I was stunned. He didnt even tell me he was taking our youngest son. I called but couldnt finish a sentence. He did all the usual things when he gets that angry.. interupting and talking over me, putting me down, name calling, using things Ive shared with him against me, bringing up old issues and on and on. After hearing all day how rude and selfish I am and how I never admit Im wrong I lost it and tried to explain ONE MORE TIME that I tried but he took off and refused to let me finish a single sentence ALL DAY. If i started a sentence saying Im sorry I seemed grouchy he immediately came back with something like "No, your not! You never admit when your wrong. You think your perfect. And on and on. So exhausting seeing as how I was trying AGAIN to do exactly that. When he said I ruin ALL his special days I lost it because of course, it is HIM that has ruined every special day for years and not just MINE. My son's first day of kindergarten, my daughter's birthday, Christmas and so on. He got the reaction he wanted and was laughing at me. The rest of the day was about how insane I am, screaming and crying like a spoiled child. Ahhhh yes.. I understand all too well the EXTREME anger when these people feel offended. By the way, yes I did realize hours later that I actually caught him going through my stuff at 5am with a flashlight. They're diversion tactics can be SO effective sometimes.

[@julianterris]

I've experienced narcissistic rage directed at me (and others). The hardest to deal with is passive aggression from a malignant narcissist. They are duplicitous, cunning -they gaslight you -move the goal-posts, lie -and deceive -without any remorse. I'm enjoying the videos because they give practical and moral support in dealing with the situation. Thank-you.

[@amiblueful]

Dr. Carter, you are the best. You are so comforting.

[@angelapitts2123]

This is probably my favorite video of all from Dr. C. Thank you so much for all your healing vibes you send out. ♥️

[@maggieb5326]

Gus looks like a little fellow who has real empathy. ☺️❤️

[@judyklassen2096]

Thank you so much for helping me understand and keep me sane from the abusive behavior. I could never figure out why the story was so different from the reality.