How Narcissists Dehumanize You

Because narcissists are desperate to control you, establishing dominance, it is in their vested interest not to know about your humanity. Dr. Les Carter describes how they rationalize their manipulations by viewing you in non-human ways. They don't care about your feelings, your needs, or your back story. You are just someone to be used. While this is disheartening, as you understand their dehumanizing ways, you can avoid some of the hurt associated with their attitudes toward you.
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[@renscorpio7657]

Or... "Narcissistic personality disorder is the only mental condition where the patient is left alone but everyone else needs treatment"

[@dakoderii4221]

And Convid is the only physical condition where everyone else needs treatment or else the protection won't work. "Everyone has to drink the Kool-Aid for it to work" - Anthony Fraudci, 2021

[@curiousone6435]

Internet comment of the day! This is so true. You've got to turn this into a meme.

[@stevenhoog1]

@@dakoderii4221 Fouci is the one who MADE that covid. Gave to wuhan to finish WHY IS HE WORKING ON DEATH he did maximum pain to beagles experiments. 50 years from now they will look back and see us just like the Germans The had Guehring Dr DEATH Fouci is the same damn way and we have China pulling joes strings hes supposed to collapse our economy and put everyone on welfare.

[@mdee860]

@Ren Scorpio - Good one! 👍

[@vincec.202]

@@curiousone6435 already is🤣

[@izzatijam901]

My experience with a dehumanizing narcissist : One of the worst things is when you shared information with certain narcissists out of a pure place (good, trusting intentions) only for them to subtly as well as directly twist the information later. And then you get confused, damned if you do, damned if you don't. Confusion is one of their weapons in dehumanizing victims. Anyone else relates?

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Yes, that's their gaslighting and it illustrates that communication is not a means of knowing each other better, but a ploy for one-upmanship. Dr. C

[@izzatijam901]

@@SurvivingNarcissism "a ploy for one-upmanship" you articulated it perfectly thank you

[@izzatijam901]

Have been dealing with a few narcissists at present and have learnt more and more how narcissists like to use dehumanization as well as information as weapons. I learnt to be more discreet and more cautious. Thanks again for your comment

[@TheBigdog868]

It hurts 💔 I suppose there is a good side. You learned what kind of person they are by the fruit they bear. A lot of people don't bear good fruits. 😕

[@bandieboo8102]

Yep!

[@SitesWithAds]

"Never ending criticism" !! Never-ending! Constant correction! Even when the "correction" itself is wrong!

[@deborraholiveri6202]

Lots of unsolicited " advice" too. Is what I got on even the smallest thing I did . I would reply with .." who asked you , or I don't remember asking for your advice or opinion " it was constant and extremely annoying.

[@SitesWithAds]

@@deborraholiveri6202 oh, for sure! They just can't imagine other people being able to live with being told by them how to live!

[@amandakropen3273]

Mommy Dearest :(

[@lisajohnson4744]

“Micro management style!”

[@dominelle8139]

Never ending criticism and never ending hypocrisy. Epitome of double standards!

[@harleyfsbo3027]

The best way to counter and pretty much CANCEL their dehumanization effort is to make them IRRELEVANT in other words don’t give them or what they say or what they think of you any importance - they are not God and so they have no authority to assign VALUE to you or any other created thing so don’t let it bother you. Their words are as worthless and inconsequential as they have made themselves to be and their miserable life is NOT your fault or your problem.

[@justjess4969]

Amen!

[@alejandrabonita8355]

That was awesome to read thanks !

[@LoveBeautyFun7]

👏🏾👏🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾

[@AwakeAndSing369]

Exactly on point.

[@sparkelsdiamond2699]

We are not responsible for their actions or outcomes Helped me enormously to

[@lorinotarius]

"Unfazed by the pain they generate." YES. That is my new definition of narcissists and narcissism. That is EXACTLY what they are. Can you imagine being raised to be unfazed at the pain you generate, maybe even to take pleasure in the pain you generate??!!! I would never, ever want to be one of these people no matter how much money or material possessions or land or homes or vacations or whatever they acquire. Yuck!

[@bereal6590]

Same here... its not in my nature 😊

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You're onto it. It shows how underdeveloped they are...on so many levels. Dr. C

[@carolnahigian9518]

unphased... Yes! nothing made my Brother happier than to take me to Chi-CCHI's and humiliate me in front OF servers; and make me ( all dressed up!)) cry IN PUBLIC- what Fun he had.

[@divingduck1970]

What never ceases to amaze me is how they absolve themselves from their crimes against God and humanity instantly and walk right up to you and say, "Hi, how's it going?"

[@cacatr4495]

@@divingduck1970 That's also how they look themselves in the mirror. Their break with Reality and Truth is a form of dissociation.

[@SitesWithAds]

After 20 years I could no longer let myself be treated that way. "You've changed, " she said. Thank goodness for that change. It took a lot of work and difficult self- honesty to change.

[@cacatr4495]

Congratulations on setting yourself free. :)

[@powpunkonwhiskey6377]

Well done. I wish my father had the strength and awareness to do the same. Our relationship as father and eldest daughter has totally dissolved not because we've had a falling out, but because the woman he married and birthed me resents us for having it to begin with.

[@sarahmurphy7838]

Good for you

[@SitesWithAds]

@Transplanted1 I stayed until she dumped me. When I started standing by my own values she became less responsive and then she went no-contac. That gave me the space to re-evaluate myself and the "relationship" (which I later learned was more accurately an "arrangement), and to find my self. When, after three months of silence she sent an e-mail out of the blue asking if I wanted to ride bikes with her again, I said no.

[@SitesWithAds]

@Transplanted1 thank you

[@skymeadow7762]

Im exhausted 😩

[@margochanning6868]

The narcissist does not want to do self-examination or realize they might be wrong about something.

[@Suzu52]

Makes it easy to have no accountability, remorse or guilt.....

[@susanmunoz7688]

@@Suzu52 so true.

[@preeapraag342]

@@Suzu52 yes so true

[@jipuragi1297]

They dont want to because they cant. And they cant...because they have no self. Scary, but true. There is nothing to introspect into...

[@thegodblogger3812]

Curiously, though, they present different faces to different people, which allows them to perpetuate their narcissism. They are intentionally non-logical. Their sole aim is to get what they want, no matter the damage or pain they inflict. And they are determined not to ever be satisfied, because that keeps them in control. My mother, my mother, my mother. She is now thoroughly disgusted that I have cut contact.

[@lifelonglearner2441]

In dehumanizing others they show their lack of humanity. It must be difficult to be so empty and devoid of empathy.

[@teripacini5611]

What I'd give to have you as my Dr.!!! But being able to watch and listen to your videos have been such a blessing. So insightful and have helped me understand my relationship with my narcissist immensely. Thank you 💗

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

so true. Dr. C

[@cacatr4495]

inhumanity > inhumane human, is that not an oxymoron, a walking contradiction? As such, they are bent on destruction, and seeing as how they can't escape themselves, they are their own victim. (keyword > bent, as in hell-bent, bent out of shape, twisted, malignant, self-opposed, also malformed in terms of their mental framework.)

[@willywokeup9112]

They do make it a point to find out about your past abuse, so they can treat u the same exact way, they use ur own abuse against you

[@hepzibahbeulah8961]

*It is written, Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you ~ Matthew 7:6!*

[@susanmunoz7688]

What a kind and caring person Dr Carter is helping us get our life’s back together again! Contrasting with The narcissist sad and empty selfishness. Okay Team Healthy let’s all have a great day being grateful for all the caring people out there 👍

[@carefulcarpenter]

Hi Susan! I have been writing as a "human being" for 21 years now, on the Internet. I try to share backstory because context is essential in a human life. A narcissist does not enjoy sharing, or receiving the human story. I have a long history of being ignore or attacked. 😁 It is very difficult to find anyone willing to share backstory. Please share of yourself. _wildflowers survive where soils are harsh; avoiding alligator shoes and careless hearts._ 🌾🌻

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks for being an inspiring person, Susan! Dr. C

[@susanmunoz7688]

@@SurvivingNarcissism aww, thank you ☺️

[@methodicalmysticbutterflyi2669]

Agreed! Without his guidance I don't know the depths I would've sunken to. Thank you, Dr. C!

[@caroleminke6116]

I did!!!

[@meow2u22]

No wonder the narcissist is unfazed by the pain they cause you. They're so self-centered they have no conscience.

[@barryparks2286]

That is why you see the same patterns of behavior over and over and over......No Conscience. They can't LOVE you because they are too busy LOVING themselves.

[@timmywitty1432]

@@barryparks2286narcs do not love themselves. People that love themselves treat others with kindness, care and love.

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

My dad ignores my existence, his loss!

[@kirabarsmith9353]

Dr. Carter is a comforting voice of sanity, this channel lowers my blood pressure beyond providing priceless information about how to navigate life around those who lack the ability to love. #grateful

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thank you, Kira. Dr. C

[@DS40764]

Narcs are becoming more common- especially among the under 30

[@CodyCole80]

I think it has a lot to do with so many kids growing up in single parent households: They miss out on the different things they need from both parents, which leads to a lot of emotional and mental frustration, which leads to the entrance of demonic spirits.

[@salliegallegos918]

I taught secondary education for 30 years. I agree that they are more prevalent. Much, much worse in the last 10 years.

[@tammybandy5000]

Enlightening but sad . My family of origin is narcissistic.

[@ruthstirrat7677]

My family seems to be too. So frustrating and so sad!

[@CJ-jq4lv]

Me too, both parents.

[@christar9527]

Mine too. Two parents and two sisters. They both married toxic narcissists too and they were all flying monkeys. I married a sociopath alcoholic who had a narcissistic mother. I attracted them everywhere. I’m free as a birdie now though!

[@WhiteAngelLovesEarth]

@@ruthstirrat7677 same....I wanted to die, I almost did, but fuck it, I escaped so now I found out I have chronic illnesses ...life is hell

[@eddychess5164]

@@WhiteAngelLovesEarth take care and love yourself,you are not alone🙏

[@renscorpio7657]

"There may be no 'i' in team but there are three in 'narcissist" 😂😂 love it! Had to post

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Well, two. But you still make a good point! Dr. C

[@tammyhead7825]

Lol😂😂🤣

[@candicebaker2663]

Lmao!

[@christinebuckingham8369]

👍💖

[@donna-colorado8443]

That was great Ren. I love it! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@orycroft2020]

"Give yourself permission to be what you are and realize that if that person won't and can't access that's their loss."- Dr. Les Carter Thank you doctor.

[@kadootje77]

Oh and also: They seem to only want to receive narcissistic supply from negative emotions, like fear, guilt, anger, frustration, etc. While an empath is happy to make another person feel happy, safe, joyful, loved, cared for.....as far as I can see: They seem to get angry and jealous when someone is successful or happy and then get their supply by destroying the positive emotions... very sad, and interesting...

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

I really like how you explain this. You are spot on. Dr. C

[@zoejohann2353]

Oh we come to the same conclusions. I feel called out whenever I feel positive at home living with family. I had once live with my mouth shut tight. Only humming a reply, nodding and always appear as miserable as I can be to keep them away (or happy really). Since that's what they want I give it to them. But it only works for 3 months long and I learned a lot. Not all things end up in vain. So I'm grateful for the experience.

[@evanburgess76]

Narcissistic relationships have happy beginnings, but never happy endings.

[@joykraft1175]

Children of narcissists don't get the happy beginning either. It's all just confusion and pain

[@evanburgess76]

@@joykraft1175 So sad, children are born into it, where a romance has to be faked first, hence the ahppy beginning.

[@crencottrell7849]

This is so true Evan 😬😅

[@cyndigooch1162]

@@joykraft1175 That's EXACTLY right and I'm still dealing with the trauma 62 years later, which would've started when I was born. 😥

[@janb5177]

About three months after my mother's funeral, someone who was there contacted me out of the blue and wanted to meet up, saying he was going to be in the area (we live some distance apart). I agreed to meet him. Early on in our conversation, I remarked that it was nice to meet again under happier circumstances, alluding to the funeral. He kind of sneered, didn't respond, just changed the subject. I felt a shock of embarrassment go through me - I guess that was my reaction to being dehumanised. Later, as we were parting, I asked him if he still played guitar. He got almost angry, as if I'd accused him of not playing anymore. I find this a lot with narcs, they think you're attacking them when you're not. After he'd gone, I came to the conclusion that he'd come by in the hope of getting me into bed whilst I was in a low state after my mother's death. He realised I was not in a low state and that it wasn't going to happen and I never heard from him again. Charming man. Not!

[@susanparker9877]

Taking advantage ...oh so devious! What a creep.

[@elizabethash4720]

So sorry for the loss of your dear mother, and sorry your integrity was so underestimated .

[@janb5177]

@@elizabethash4720 Thanks, but it was 20 years ago.

[@elizabethash4720]

@@janb5177 wow, I hope you find a way to get over the guy you spoke about.

[@janb5177]

@@elizabethash4720 You seem not to understand. It was 20 years ago, there isn't - and never was - anything to get over.

[@renscorpio7657]

I'm sorry but we're not playing 'pin the tail on the scapegoat' any more!!!

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

We're not pinatas!

[@donnaw2868]

Yes, they see you as a nuisance when you go into your personal space if it does not fit their image of you they created. Their image is a false self that does not percieve the real me.

[@cacatr4495]

Lightbulb words >> " Their image is a false self that does not percieve the real me." Thank you for sharing that. *perceive

[@nathalieb734]

Nailed it

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

Their attitude, their problem!

[@harleyfsbo3027]

Now I see why he never showed much interest in my life BEFORE I married him - it’s like my past, my roots, my history didn’t matter & only his wants & desires needed to be center stage. I was always curious to know about him, his childhood, his family history EVERYTHING but he showed as little interest in sharing about himself as he did in learning about me. That’s an unbearably miserable life. How does anyone even live like that?!

[@cacatr4495]

They use people as props.

[@carolentringer8836]

Hadn't thought of that. True!

[@l.5832]

Married over 20 years. I was wondering why I kept buying things with my initials on them....wall plaques, jewelry, etc. Then I realized my husband NEVER used my name. I couldn't remember the last time he called me by my name. I was an 'it'. I needed to remember I had a name. I divorced him. (many reasons other than the name thing...)

[@stevenhoog1]

Thats very brave. i was 52 when a FLUKE happened and I saw those narcissist videos and I got dizzy thinking THATS EXACTLY WHAT IT IS>>>>>>i didnt know the antagonize and provoke you to anger. FOR FUN they still look down on me but i am out of that toxic place Pensacola sounds nice because I can use a vacation forthe rest of my life.

[@LinYouToo]

My dad used to call for us kids by yelling “where’s the kid?!?!”

[@Gill12283]

What a bastard.....glad you got out of that

[@remaininganonymous4129]

I felt this too, I always felt happy if someone used my name. I'd feel a little excited. I even thought to myself why do I feel happy when someone uses my name, then I saw a video about narcs not using our names...

[@Gill12283]

@@mptajo That's awful, what a lot you had to put up with. Glad you're free of that creep

[@Zeitgeistmusic997]

They also think like babies in how they think their toxic insults to mock someone is just playing. Those are traits that can't be fixed and that's why they are sure in their delusional minds they're not evil

[@coldistheshoulder]

this is good to hear, but the process of waking up from the legacy of long term narcissistic abuse at the hands of a variety of people is still an absolute nightmare.

[@beth7437]

My 18 year old said about her father many years ago. "He treats me like I am not a person". It tears me up that I didn't understand that he was using this on her. Crying.

[@christinaanderson3316]

Beth, my then 15 year old daughter tried to commit suicide because of her father and I was the one having to deal with it, it's soul crushing. She's better now, but on prozac with 18. My 20 year old son is them as well. My 16 year old daughter has anxiety 24/7 (from us all walking on eggshells around the narc). My reason for pulling out of this "situationship" are my 13 year old daughter and my 12 year old son. They've seen enough so far and I'm not letting them go through what my other kids had to go through as teens. My kids are my No. 1 priority, he's become irrelevant to me. Sad, but true.

[@schevalirae]

@@christinaanderson3316 Hoping you have severed those ties for your sake and your children. My Mom got away from my Dad after my sister and I had moved out but my younger brother was just 12 years old. He has and has had a much saner life than my sister and I. Wishing you good luck building a new life for you and your kids.

[@susanparker9877]

Now you know. We all believe the best of others. These are such painful lessons to learn.

[@lil--mo2025]

It’s so much worse with female covert/malignant narcs. They will continue to play nice and sweet and rarely act out with harsh words. Everything they do is insidious and corrosive. The way they speak about you behind your back and the things they do with others is far worse than it seems.

[@nanapotter3461]

Exactly.

[@karolinagren5846]

"Reason? That horse left the barn a long time ago." I love Dr Carter, because he makes me smile. The whole narc saga can feel so tragic, right? Well, sometimes I just resonate with how ridiculous these people are. My narc WAS superficial. He WAS illogical. If was all a scam.

[@sirphil13]

Narcissists are living inside their own psychosis bubbles and not congruent to reality.

[@karolinagren5846]

@@sirphil13 Absolutely!

[@susanparker9877]

Saga is a great descriptor.

[@taraarrington2285]

Unfortunately it's your tragedy while they laugh. They'll only care again if they need you or can use you.

[@exx6312]

I remember in the last years of my marriage i asked my husband- tell me 3 things i have done this week. And he had no response because he didn’t have a clue. Were you in our house all those years? You nailed it. He would also get mad at me for getting mad at him.

[@vincec.202]

I remember not asking, but her TELLING me in what felt like a moment of deep connection, "I love you SO MUCH. You love me like a fairytale! I've never had anyone treat me so supportive of me and make me feel safe and make sure I never go without anything I need. It's the best sex I've ever had and your touch makes me feel electric"....and so on and so on. Only now do I realize that she didn't love ME. She loved the way I made her feel. She knew just how to destroy me with a word or 1 action, and she did.

[@HTNPSullivan]

I once asked my (now ex) boyfriend of 11 years to tell me what he loved about me, why was he attracted to me? He looked flustered. He said, "Um, well you're just awesome, sweety." I said, "Wow, not one thing you can list? I have at least a dozen things I love about you." That was one of the earliest red flags. Dozens would follow until I started to get stronger and he saw I was on to him. He groomed his poor Plan B girlfriend while I was recovering from heart surgery. Bet he tells her she's "just awesome," too.

[@PuzzlerDeb]

I recently closed my eyes and asked my husband of 46 years what color my eyes are. He said “well that’s a stupid question, your eyes are blue!” I have brown eyes. 46 years married, and he never cared enough about me to even notice the color of my eyes. I still can’t deal with this…

[@taraarrington2285]

Mine would leave me home for 16 hours a day without a vehicle or phone and I would use the tablet and was lucky to hear back from him. I have no idea what he was doing all that time.

[@timmywitty1432]

@@PuzzlerDeb Wow!

[@hepzibahbeulah8961]

*The wicked watcheth the righteous, and seeketh to slay him ~ Psalms 37:32!*

[@cacatr4495]

N-creatures are soul-murderers or worse.

[@CodyCole80]

@@cacatr4495 That gives them too much credit. Keep your head up and know that they’ll reap what they sow.

[@cacatr4495]

@@CodyCole80 Of course, they'll reap what they sow, but if you don't know what they work to do, then you need to learn more. If they didn't strive to kill the souls around them, while leaving their bodies intact, these channels wouldn't exist. Then there is the furthest on the spectrum of them, the sociopaths and psychopaths that *are capable of killing the body as well. All murderers are those.

[@fabiantr100]

@@cacatr4495 yes- they are murderers

[@conniegalanopoulos4911]

Dehumanize is the perfect discription. I can't believe these find someone to marry them.

[@LinYouToo]

I’ve heard several examples when they continue to love bomb and it’s like the day after they marry everything changes.

[@KatErina-ii6ru]

@@LinYouToo yes happened to my sister

[@joywebster2678]

@@LinYouToo happened to me long ago, he was great the first year we lived together, lots of laughter and patience and kindness. 4 months after the marriage it was like a light switch flipped. When we divorced he said in a rare moment of candor that one morning he woke up and realized he owned me now and didn't have to try anymore, and he didn't.

[@LinYouToo]

@@joywebster2678 oh my goodness, I’m so sorry that happened to you. That would make you lose faith in humanity but I hope that wasn’t the case for you and that you have found a better truer love.

[@joywebster2678]

@@LinYouToo thank you.

[@deborahmorgan6769]

This was very helpful to me. I did feel dehumanized and don’t want to ever go through that again. Being away from this person has given me peace ☮️

[@jamesarmstrong4179]

Deborah Morgan,You are beautiful,hope you are not with a narcissist....

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

Yes, I feel the same way. I have not been in contact with my narcissistic dad for 113 days now, I don't plan to change that!

[@sustainablyyours61]

Reason, logic, commonsense, respect, honesty and all the other ways we use to respond to others don't exist with a Narcissist.

[@shonnamay8331]

Knowing what I now know about narcissists (,through these videos) and also finally divorced from one, and taking the bull by the horn and receiving healing and wholeness, I was able to run fast away from one who wanted to date me . I just bought a home, small and cozy, and I'm beside myself with joy! My journey has been rugged, but my God is bigger ! 💕

[@jamesarmstrong4179]

Shonna May,You look stunning,hope you are not with a narcissist....

[@susanparker9877]

Proud of you and enjoy your new refuge.

[@AlwaysStampinVideos]

So how are you today? Wait. Let me tell you how i am first. (Head in hands.) They ask questions and might let you get two words of the answer out before they begin talking over you. They don’t really want your answer. Asking you the question sets them up to be able to interrupt you as you answer (which dehumanizes you) so that they can let you know who’s really in control of the conversation.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Kelly, you are spot on! Dr. C

[@AlwaysStampinVideos]

@@dcg31free OM the answering questions for us! Infuriating! I literally told the narcissist i deal with not to talk for me when others ask me questions, my son standing right there witnessed my asking, and as soon as someone at the event asked me a questions- boom the man answered FOR me. My son was infuriated (which was nice to have that validation but dang wish it hadn’t happened at all!) Glad to be on the healing journey with ya :)

[@daniellatan9016]

Do not personalize, start detaching ourselves from the narc if not possible physically then at least mentally. We will then get peace!

[@elainehoward9577]

Amen🐒

[@hepzibahbeulah8961]

Absolutely Daniella, *It is written, Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you ~ Matthew 7:6!*

[@warriormom5843]

“That horse has INDEED left the barn”…..from the start! Love your metaphors, Dr Les! 👏👏👏

[@hannasalo3463]

they always have a replacement lined up. harri mutka in finland always does.

[@cyndigooch1162]

Warrior Mom Or the horse was never in the barn, so to speak, in the first place! 🐎

[@melianelson9036]

The happiest time in my life was working in a job where I helped people. The Elderly and developmentally folks I transported around my county taught me more about myself and humanity than any other experience I’ve ever had; and although it was a demanding job, everyday felt like an adventure. I’m guessing Dr. C keeps his cup running over with that same warm fuzzy feeling giving; and receiving so much more than money can buy; that the overwhelming amount of pain he hears about just propels him to do more. I know I felt as though I had found my true passion in life doing that work. I bet Gus helps too!

[@victoriavitoroulis3273]

During the 3 month + Covid lock down , I realized just how toxic my daughter is .. she accused me of cheating on my husband of 40 yrs , was trying to throw her grandma& me out of my home that I raised my other kids in and own , called me disgusting names .Im 60 yrs old , I need this in my old age 😵‍💫 . I went no contact 2 months ago . Wonderful not walking on eggshells anymore .

[@nazasha5584]

I got a toxic one please pray for me kindly wish you well am very sad of her accusations and abuses please advise me help me out am.in East Africa an orphaned mom and humble

[@susanparker9877]

Hold your ground. She's horrible.

[@pavla2055]

In my covert narc mother's relentless attempts to break me I actually remember her screaming at me a couple of times - 'you're NOT EVEN HUMAN '. She was the single most negative influence in my life . Rotten to the core - as she called me with such delight . RIP you 'rotten good for nothing' . I'm fortunate to be well rid of her .

[@fabiantr100]

My mother was the same- I feel your pain-may they pay in hell, cause they never pay on earth

[@thebiscuitrose]

So today, at work, I asked the ugly coworker a question.she explained something to me which had no connection to my question. I said, "no that's not what I meant " she shushed me. I then asked, *are you really listening to me?" And she said, "your getting too loud.". It's dehumanizing for someone to behave this way. At work, in most any workplace, the most appropriate relationship there should cause one or two workplace responses. Yes, no, thank you or your welcome. Anything more or added, indicates a problem. And when management does not recognize this,and there's no I fradyrucyuue fir the problem, then essentially this problem "don't exist." This is what determine is a toxic environment. And it's amazing that all it takes is one demon to cause the toxicity.

[@shebakali6]

Try to avoid her. Also, secretly record your conversations. I had one of those and the manager took her side. The one at work, I completely ignore, make no eye contact. And show zero emotion. They are empty shells, soulless demons in meat suits.

[@usernameluis305]

"The ugly co-worker"?

[@Xenlacasa45]

@@shebakali6 our instinct is to want to hurt them because they are in fact evil

[@anyways661]

One demon unacknowledged and unchallenged.

[@michellefarris3961]

gamer Guy A lot of them show up on videos like these to play victim and/or wise hero.

[@perfectpeace123]

My narcissistic in-laws call me a dog and a bug. This is a reflection of their character. They are evil people.

[@jessicayoung6208]

OMG all of these are spot on! They have no reason. You can’t talk to them. They don’t care. There is simply no reaching them. So glad to be out. It’s going to take so much time and therapy to get back to my normal self. But I’m free from this vile and hateful being. Your videos have been so helpful. Thank you for making them and opening our eyes and also reminding us that we can make it out alive and heal.

[@preeapraag342]

Totally agree about the narcs behaviour. It's terrible...not human.

[@jeffjarrells1484]

I remember asking my wife to talk to me with love and respect they way I try and talk to her and her comment was "it's just not that easy."

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

In other words: "You want me to be healthy? That's foreign to me." Dr. C

[@2Bcreative888]

Dehumanizing def sums up the whole narc scenario! Mine loves to mock me nonstop like a child, so tiring to hear it all the time as he is ALWAYS talking, even in the shower!! Planning my new life away from this madness!! Great video Dr. C, should help those new to this torment of what to expect and start their exit strategy immediately.

[@cacatr4495]

Sounds like you've heard incessant trash-talk. Congratulations on your upcoming departure to peace.

[@susanbissell6319]

I am trying to get rid a narc girlfriend I met a few months ago to unfriend her. After a few months with her I figured out she is a full blown narc through and through. It has been hard trying to get away from her. She has been emotionally blackmailing me and threatening me if I don't do what she wants. She borrows money (NO MORE) from me and expect me to drive her anywhere she wants anytime (very late at night) night or day. At first she was a great friend then the first time I said "NO" to her she started being controlling, nasty, and constantly criticizing me, and putting down my job as a Caregiver. She is a CNA and tells me she is in nursing. She does more on the job than I do in Healthcare. That is true in some aspects of our job. I work one on one with client's, she take care of 18 patients at a time in a nursing home. I enjoy the one on one more than working in a nursing home. I am 64 years old, thats too close for comfort now.

[@2Bcreative888]

@@susanbissell6319 I’m glad you see her for what she truly is!! There is no reasoning with them and like you, I have a caregiver’s heart and want to help but they’ll just use you up and make YOU feel bad when the overload breaks you down. Please ignore her now, you owe yourself more than she could ever give you and the abuse will never end. I’m 65 and know too how precious our time is, narcs do NOT deserve our time or caring, stay strong❣️

[@susanbissell6319]

@@2Bcreative888 I just hope she stays away. I was amazed and pissed how many ways she was trying to get in contact with me that I didn't know existed. She would either guilt me or emotionally blackmail me in a text or voice mail. I just got a new job and stupidly I used her as a reference. She got my job to call her mother. Her mother lied and said I was a great Caregiver to her. She would constantly say to me she had her mother lie for me. I didn't want her mother to do this, but she went ahead and did it. I told her the other day I told work all about it. That shut her up on that, but now she is going after a close friend of mine in the military by trying to get him in trouble. God, I wish I never met her!!! My God, did she talk and talk and talk... all about herself, I never got a word in edge wise. If I did say something she would butt in and go back to talking about herself!!! I swear a narc magnet.

[@2Bcreative888]

@@susanbissell6319 Yes to us empaths being a narc magnet. And yes their lies and nonstop talk, mostly about themselves, goes on ad nauseum!! Sounds like she has her hooks in good into your inner circle and is thoroughly enjoying the hell she is putting you through. Try not to show her how upset she is making you or trying to reason with her, it’s exhausting to you and gratifying to her that she actually got to you! Resembles pure evil intent to cause such pain when we are trying to help them avoid pain, it bounces right back in our faces!! My ultimate coping mechanism is staying in gray rock mode and answering “whatever” with as much disinterest that I can muster to shut them up!! Try it, your lack of emotional responses may keep her away finally. Sending you prayers to stay strong and value YOUR well being over any narcs badgering, they’re not worth our time❣️ 🦋 🙏🏻

[@jeanplacanica7814]

I was Married to one for 40yrs. Now I’m free of him.” Thank the Lord” But everyone thinks he’s wonderful. They don’t know what a Narcissist is, nor did I at 19 when I married him. Now he’s 79 and married to a 25 yr old ( poor her)

[@CodyCole80]

That’s almost laughable. He must have money? Does he really think it’s love?

[@Hatbox948]

Oh my gosh! No way can he keep up with her.

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

My dad(narc) is the same way. I am done with him (no-contact) for my own well-being and not being nitpicked at, judged(unfairly) by his unreasonable standards, I exorcised him from my life via no-contact. It is difficult, but the rewards are fabulous!

[@lauriej.5706]

Thank you, Dr. Carter. I am in recovery from a witchy mother. If I mentioned to her that she often hurt my feelings, she would scream, "Your feelings? Your FEELINGS?!!!! I. DON'T. CARE. ABOUT. YOUR. FEELINGS!!!"

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

She's a tortured soul. Dr. C

[@Zeitgeistmusic997]

When you see them become a mean girl after they feel insecure then you have to never talk to that thing again. It's not a person. Think about it

[@tmt8268]

Constant mocking. No communication. Projecting their faults on you. Gaslighting your reality. Sick people.

[@AmaAgheya]

My former narc, humiliated me by putting our intimacy public. He would say demeaning, humiliating, and dehumanizing talk with his family and only friend (a infidel and all around misogynist. His first wife completed suicide. His friend was in the picture then as well. The sexual talk these people engaged in was constant, relentless, and the norm. His whole family system was toxic, led by his mother, enabled by his father. They had no boundaries whatsoever. In hindsight I was involved in a toxic web of sexual narcs although my ex was very covert. He was the family scapegoat and acted out the families dysfunction by sexually harassing his younger sisters, to being inappropriate with his daughter. His inappropriateness included giving adults access to his daughter including when she was in her private space, (the bathroom and bedroom). I stayed too long in the marriage, twenty-three years. I was worried about my spiritual daughter who was vulnerable to the trash he brought into the home. Once she left, I went back to school got a masters and doctoral degree, because i knew my marriage was doomed.

[@susanparker9877]

That sexual business is so degrading. It was tried on me. I was beyond humiliated.

[@rachelcronin916]

This needs taught as mandatory subject 4 years in HS!

[@jamesarmstrong4179]

Rachel Cronin, You are absolutely gorgeous,hope you are not with a narcissist....

[@timmywitty1432]

@@jamesarmstrong4179 You are a creep!

[@jackiepaul7224]

You can fight the battle when you finally see the enemy.

[@cacatr4495]

Wise words.

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

My narc dad is the enemy. I win now that I am no-contact with him!

[@karrynlipsett5187]

Waw, im just sayin how sh*t it is that I didn't even know what a narcissist was untill I started researching my now ex bf's behavious.. iv stumbled across this wee video by chance & it's taught me another early red flag trait. I'v now got 'dehumanizing' to add to the seemingly never ending list, & that was happening right from the start.🙈 gosh I feel so stupid.😢

[@kellymccance1962]

Biggest fan here to say that this is so tragically truthful! You have explained this truth quietly and so clearly. Just learning about the Dehumanization process and how it works is pretty much a "Mic-drop" moment for you because it is completely summed up. ♥️You really rock Doc!

[@dotnb]

I grew up with this.

[@CJ-jq4lv]

Me too 😔

[@dianevanderlinden3480]

They compartmentalize in the most amazing way. Got money from this person, a couch to sleep on from this person, sex from this person, borrow a car from these people...everyone's a function. And you can't move from one to the other unless it suits them.

[@antonjw]

Damn, this is… yes.

[@Zeitgeistmusic997]

When they try to show heavy emotion to get another chance you're just seeing 'the agony of hell' in them. They're not sincere even though that's real pain. It's just a glimpse of hell. They don't go there, they die and stop existing but you're accepting hell when you accept their empty apologies with empty but real looking emotion

[@TrpleAgnt2011]

you nailed it when you said "they dont want to deal with you in your human dimension," so well said thankn you.

[@Zeitgeistmusic997]

The narcissist always cries to charge themselves up to get strength to bully. Notice that they always cry for themselves and will then talk about another to regain confidence. Look for that too

[@PrincessGold1]

Thank you Dr C! Emotionally shallow, unable to cope with someone who is not emotionally shallow so works to negate that, and as a result the actions and words in response dehumanises the other. An excellent explanation that helps so much. It gives value and rehumanises. My body literally relaxed when I heard that explanation!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

So pleased! Dr. C

[@cacatr4495]

Lightbulb words > "unable to cope with someone who is not emotionally shallow so works to negate that."

[@VILHELM1221]

Ultimately the only constructive way to deal with an abusive narcissist is to dump them permanently

[@christinalw19]

Last night my husband, adult children & their spouses, and my 2 grand children, took me to dinner for my birthday. My husband said as we got to the restaurant, “ these are the people who love you most.” Meaning, he wanted me to forget about my family of origin and dwell in the moment. Yes, I am so grateful for my husband and children. 🙏🏼❤️🕊

[@michellefarris3961]

🥰 Awwww...how sweet!

[@cacatr4495]

Happy for you that you are Loved. :)

[@christinalw19]

@@michellefarris3961 thank you, Dear One. 😘🙏🏼

[@christinalw19]

@@cacatr4495 Many Blessings to You, as well. 😘🙏🏼❤️

[@CodyCole80]

Your husband is so true! It pays to keep your mind and focus on those that love you the most. 👍🏾

[@mdee860]

It's a bit scary & quite daunting that you never run out of topics to help educate us on the damage that Narcassists (of all types) inflict on unsuspecting nice people. Thank you to the moon & back for helping us safely remove our rose colored glasses! Unfortunately, I happened to have a fairly opaque pair 😁🕶

[@Zeitgeistmusic997]

Anyone who tries to throw salt on something they're weak to do is an unfixable narcissist too. So protect yourself for factoring in of someone gets sassy and disagree because they're too weak to do what they're disagreeing with

[@etaokha4164]

Don't ever tell a narcissist of your success. Keep it to yourself

[@purplepaws9273]

I have an Aunt who is a Narcissist, she has been controlling to my mother and my siblings since I was a child, she has her sons and family carry out her control. very sick sitiuation, feel bad for anyone who experiences this in families.

[@chthulhusmom8364]

Videos like these have really helped my healing journey after decades of narcissistic abuse

[@Zeitgeistmusic997]

You won't get let down if you stop lying to yourself that you see potential they don't have. Just give up on them and stop being cordial. Stop trying to understand them and give no second chances.

[@janetstonerook4552]

Yes, yes, yes! Don't bother with them! Any more!!!!

[@michellefarris3961]

We really have to do the hard self-analysis of why we continue to interact when it's so useless. I've learned I'll still bitchslap them verbally sometimes, for my own sake, not because it has any effect on them. But mostly I avoid them.

[@mikeyblaze]

I always felt like my parents weren't human and my family lacked "humanity" like robots playing a program with no independent thought or love

[@junopierre2988]

I actually realized this recently. The narcissists I’ve been involved with would always project their insecurities onto me. Like one girl I knew who was overweight and didn’t take care of herself always tried to act like my dating experience was the same as hers. I’m not saying I’m a supermodel but I take care of myself and keep slip and fit. But she always project and expect me to have the same dating experiences as her. When that didn’t happen and I found my now husband she got furious

[@Zeitgeistmusic997]

The origin of them is simple. They 1. Can not figure out how to fit in. 2. They copy cat behaviors 3. They get friends from the mimicry 4. They target and bully threats to expose their facade just to keep their friends (Basically, someone thinks they're a person by mistake and the narcissist never let's that go and have to bring sacrifices to the friends to keep respect. It's no different than a dog chasing a rabbit or squirrel for the owner. So the friends are the enablers who let them hurt you people)

[@marmaladesunrise]

Dr. C., I deeply appreciate that you break down situations in detail. Wonderful to have you as Our GREAT TEACHER!!! PERMISSION to be who WE ARE. Life saving words! Than you, thank you, THANK YOU, Dr. C. 🤝

[@ninamarybuba7440]

Once again, Dr. Les Carter hits the nail on the head! Before I could leave my ex-husband (I was fighting a near fatal illness), he was shooting small animals in the backyard with a BB gun. At that same time, he said that I was subhuman. My therapist was concerned that he might want to kill me and dehumanized me in order to find it easier to kill me. He had threatened my life many times, and getting away from him was the hardest thing I ever did.

[@TWILLIE639]

Omg I get it - mine was shooting a real gun in the house at small animals and had a deer stand in the back yard in our subdivision!

[@angelapitts2123]

After all these years of listening to you, it still seems like you are talking directly at me about my own mother. You have helped me in my healing in so many ways and I am so thankful to have found you, Dr. C

[@christar9527]

It makes me think about my mother too. I was to serve a function. I felt like an object that was supposed to perform exactly how she expected me to and she couldn’t understand why I couldn’t do it. Talk about dehumanizing!!

[@vincec.202]

Sad, sad people...that turn us into much sadder...clinically depressed in fact, people😔.

[@cacatr4495]

They are the sorrow that keeps -giving- dumping.

[@vincec.202]

@@cacatr4495 I've seen house cats with more loyalty😏

[@cacatr4495]

@@vincec.202 Indeed!

[@unopimpo]

dont talk to most of them about anything they find a way to manipulate decieve isolate control and deny the lack of integrity and truth only twist it all for there benefit and associate with same , if you stay away from it you can see them devour each other in the future with cowardly and wicked ways many. good job doctor c

[@jacquelinefroehle5868]

Exactly what they did to me....I blocked them recently. I'm tired of being run over....even when it's not their business. They decide THEY OWN MY LIFE. They are horrible to be around.

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

I am in no-contact with my narc dad and his flying monkey girlfriend. My life has improved over the last 113 days!

[@leilagomulka5690]

Yes. The dehumanizing attribute is emotionally paralyzing.

[@bereal6590]

My ex... could see it in their eyes, they liked causing others pain when they were in pain especially! My n.father, similar. Problem is they can the next week do something nice for you and be helpful BUT I don't want to live on a knife edge.... its like no don't bother because I know I will suffer for it later as I'm kept around for 'supply'! They build you drop you down and on and on it goes. My biggest mistake was not to see the truth and set myself up so I wasn't reliant because I'm normal and expected other people to be the same. Now decades, 56 years later am physically very ill and stuck. If I'd seen it before I'd not be in this position BUT the saving brace now is I see the truth and the patterns (it's taken some time and Dr c has been my go to person, and Dr ramani and Patrick teahan)... I'm starting to climb the hill of better positive mental health.. its begun I see my journey and im ready and wanting it... I'm willing to take myself back mentally and be who I am I just need to keep climbing. I'm positive that I like myself, I don't believe I'm defective or permanently wrong! Or bad... I will keep climbing 😊😊😊 I'm physically very very sick and im physically stuck and it's very difficult but I want my mind to reach the top of that hill and soar that little child I was deserves that! They didn't know I DO to everyone out there... We can climb together as dr c encourages to be the best true selves we can be for ourselves and erything and everyone around us.... best wishes to you all 🙋🙋🙏✋✌

[@brendamobley]

I hope you get to the better place where you want to go! ❤️

[@freedomgirlprincess3548]

I understand how painful this has been for you and I am sorry for all your suffering my heart goes out to you Doctor Carter's video's are a big help I hope you get well soon stay strong I am sending you love and hugs xx ❤

[@vincec.202]

You're watching the right people. I'm nowhere near "well" either...and that's OK. WE shouldn't be after years of this.

[@christar9527]

I do hope that your physical and mental health gets better. I’m 62 and have suffered tremendously at the hands of so many of these inhuman people but now we know what they’re doing and we can protect ourselves and heal. There are a lot of us who only learned about narcissism in our 50’s. You’re not alone.

[@SnarkasticSunny]

Oh boy - can I relate - decades later, too ill to leave now & start again; wishing I'd seen the truth sooner cuz' I'd have left for sure. It's insidious how they wear ya' down - like rushing water wears down boulders until they're just little rocks. The narci tho, seems to pick up speed as they go along...or maybe we just lose our natural instinct to push back against it? 'Diminishing options' only make them more cruel, as they have more control & little fear of us ever leaving them. As my husband has reminded me for years, "Where ya' gonna' go? You have nowhere else to go." So cruel! It's true, but what kind of butthole says that to their wife?! "Love, honor & cherish"? Huh! I think not!! I know what Love is & that ain't it, buster! I cannot ever see myself treating ANYONE that way -- never, ever! Of course, they were kind & loving when we married them, many moons ago, or we'd not have married them! Mine slowly changed into person I wouldn't have ever expected this kind & gentle man to become. Looking back, we were 2 decades in B4 any signs of this at all ~ past decade has accelerated, until I don't even recognize him anymore. He can still say "I love you" with a straight face... Like that means anything anymore. I can remember when he did & it was nothing like this - think he says it out of habit, cuz' can't possibly think I'm that stupid! What I really want to say is, "Keep on climbing!" We still have our mental health & Thank God that isn't as unwell as the body is. We know who we are inside. They are missing out. I've been trying to practice the "gray rock" thing Dr. C. speaks of - just to preserve my sanity & shut down the criticism & arguing that I hate so much. Can't say I've got it down yet... got a mouth on me sometimes & he knows "which buttons to push". Hell, he should -- he installed them! "Keep on climbing to the top!" 🤗

[@kellyleighread807]

The ex husband family of origin was "don't talk about it. It'll go away". The ex husband was not one to care. All you said is/was true. I told him about my crazy family of origin. He & mom had the same play book. I was an easy target 🎯.

[@strugglingmillennial1298]

It’s mind boggling how someone can treat another person this way. It makes me wonder how they sleep at night. I’m sure they sleep just fine, their sense of entitlement, control and lack of awareness keeps them safe. 😵‍💫

[@janeydoe1403]

"Consider the source.." Absolutely. What's most difficult are the people in their "court" who can't or won't see it. Why it's so imperative to extract ourselves from the old network so we are not subjecting ourselves to "the source" anymore. Painful, but once this is done and the dust has settled, it is far more satisfying to know you have options and not any of them include the ex having any say about any of it.

[@aliceroberts1980]

The problem comes how do you deal with the frustration of never being seen ever?? Most people can’t afford therapy . B

[@CJ-jq4lv]

Or being heard. I get it.

[@joywebster2678]

I'm working on accepting that I'm free from the narc, but trying to accept that being unseen, unheard by anyone is an OK reality. It was never my dream, but this is how it is. I do go to therapy to work on the broken bits of me to lessen internal pain. My hope is to find a way to make a small difference for someone. But current reality in our world restricts interactions anyway. I'm invisible.

[@cacatr4495]

Make sure you see and hear yourself. That is key. Ns don't matter, but what you see matters.

[@aaronarthurarcillas5087]

It takes me 3 years to figure her out...glad i got out...it hurts so bad..thr comes a time that i dont even know my self and what ived become..im taking baby steps evryday for my recovery...now that shes away from me im feel lot better..ths people are the most miserable people in the whole wide world...thanks dr.carter...godbless you always....

[@cacatr4495]

Congratulations, Aaron, on your freedom and peace. :)

[@CL-lo4wd]

“Emotional constipation” 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣. So funny but that is exactly how it is!

[@taramckenney754]

Never, ever good enough.

[@claratreeborn8647]

This resonates so much and touches upon many of the problems I've faced that are less visible harder to articulate. Thank you!!!!

[@joannajohnson696]

I get dehumanized daily by my narc H. He doesn't even call me by my actual name. He calls me "PEGGY SUE." How dehumanizing can you get after 10 years? On a 1-10 scale, it's a 10 to me. I feel like I am in de-humanizing hell. Looking for my peace.

[@hepzibahbeulah8961]

Johanna, *It is written, Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you ~ Matthew 7:6!*

[@leilagomulka5690]

Yes. Just like clergy as I am, we honor and protect those who expose their vulnerabilities to us.

[@michaeldingman9029]

OMG this is my Father all the way around, he has been dehumanizing me 99% of all of my life,and multiple years later, he is still doing it.

[@ramblingRJ]

My experience with a narcissist wife was different. She listened to everyone in order to lecture people about what they did wrong, and then give instructions about what they should be doing instead. She loved to meddle in order to prove how much smarter she was than everyone else. And if her advice didn't pay off, she would say "You didn't do it the way I told you to. If you'd done it like I said, you would have succeeded."

[@cacatr4495]

They "know all," yes? Or so they think, even when they know nothing of the facts.

[@joejohnson1843]

You are describing my x

[@susanparker9877]

What a pain in the....

[@Zeitgeistmusic997]

These narcissist are all future Jodie Arias's who get accepted and become Frankenstein's monster. Your acceptance goes to their head. Be a heart breaker and cancel them. Then be consistent and ignore them when they call you for help and try to act like their emotions now make them want to be serious. That's a key focal point. As soon as someone shows that when they are happy and content they can mock others but when they're frustrated they need mercy then they have shown you that they are an unfixable monster so just be like Noah and let them drown and sell on by. They're lost causes. Stop lying to yourself that you see potential they don't have

[@monelizaCLEGG]

Great statement, for me, especially the last one, spot on.

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

My narc dad repeatedly told me how he is too busy with others, than me. I deserve a better father. I gave up on him; no-contact wins!

[@realhealing7802]

You just described my malignant narcissistic sibling. Nothing but pure hate.

[@oleleewahjahlawze60]

I had the church to deal with it was a traumatic experience when they closed the gates on us forcing my kid and I to go thru a broken fence everyday.I told the pastor I felt dehumanized and he was unfazed by this.🦋🦋.I almost lost myself and my daughter broke down from this.they still gangstalk

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Of all places, you'd hope the church would be a safe haven, but unfortunately... Dr. C

[@KatErina-ii6ru]

I suspect this guy I liked to be a narc.. he would do the silent treatment, could never be emotionally available, could only “talk” about sexual things openly but would put off real intimacy, but when we first met he seemed like a different person, caring empathetic, liked animals. I actually think he was just mirroring me. One time he said he wanted to put me in a cage. That would probably be the very definition of dehumanizing someone 🤔 I later realized he was probably a narc and literally had some demonic entities around him. Wish I was kidding.

[@michellefarris3961]

It's common for them to be involved in serious trafficking.

[@cacatr4495]

Isn't it wonderful that you sidestepped that "relationship"?

[@KatErina-ii6ru]

@@cacatr4495 Yes 😊

[@thegodblogger3812]

EMOTIONAL CONSTIPATION: that's a great term

[@tobascoheat6582]

Unphased by your (or my) pain, uncaring if it actually exists, but mainly UNAWARE because it does hurt THEM!