A Narcissist's "Morality" And The Rationalizations That Go Along With It

[@meow2u22]

Narcissists' idea of right and wrong is "right is what they want in the moment and wrong is when someone says no to them."

[@alpana1950]

Excellent interpretation !

[@peaceofmindofpeace1650]

Perfectly written 👌 The word no from another person than themself makes them agressive whether passive or directly. They don't want you to have your own opinion.

[@meiyokechan5697]

When you tell them what they are doing is, unhealthy n might stir d supply emotion they agreed to stop but later caught them continue d relationshi with the new supply on fcbk instead of app. Even admit that he prefer only female friend n it is obvious all along when he is discarded by d new supply whenever there is an opportunity another new supply! Seen it in my 36yrs of marriage! All d denial, escuses , projection gaslighting n lies to cover up! Exhausting! After 35yrs i realized n discovered on you tube I was living with a narcissist. No wonder everything we do n give are not enough. No gratitude n appreciation because he just dies care how much it hurts us. Like the attention n admiration when d new supply a married Indian woman send praises quotes, flirting video n songs on app. When I requested her to put a full stop she ignored n when I asked him why he allowed her to do so he said he was worried she will commit sucide n he told me I can go n die when I mentioned I was having suicidal thought! Imagine protecting n defending d new supply. Unthinkable!

[@ericnorthman4846]

I think you hit the nail on the head

[@krembryle]

When I started to drink coffee at 18 ( because coffee is not for kids and I was a kid until 18...no haha I was a kid until I moved out finally) my dad told me not to overdo it, otherwise I would die, and then he supplied me with articles about young people dying on heart diseases (after combining coffee and energy drinks, but he also said I'm short and petite so I should be extra careful). So I was like, ok , this is real and I drank one coffee only a day. For at least two years. Then after the first year of college I was talking with my father about school. I didn't pass a hard subject meaning I have to pass it the next year or I'm out. I told my father that my classmate said to me that she passed all the subjects because she slept like 3 hours a day and her caffeine intake was really high. He got angry at me and said I was supposed to do everything I could to pass every subject just like her. That I actually WAS supposed intake enough caffeine to stay awake and learn for the exams. I was absolutely shaken after that. I believed he wanted me not to drink coffee. I believed my health was more important. But no. This time, the university was more important and and high caffeine intake requested. I cried after that and he didn't mind, he didn't care. He didn't understand why I am upset, because he doesn't keep a track of his bullshits said to me. My reality fell apart a bit, because he changed a rule I was supposed to follow, he changed a rule I lived by, because he just felt like it. I don't know if this makes sense, but I'm still traumatized by this. After I moved out of my parents house I started to live according to myself and drank coffee, energy drinks as much as I liked. I'm kinda disappointed it didn't kill me yet.

[@AlwaysStampinVideos]

“Hey you’re creating some suffering over here with me...” Narcissist’s reply: “Well how about the suffering you’re causing me by accusing me of causing you suffering?!” It never stops.

[@eowyneadig7879]

I’m the oldest of eight kids and we were raised in an insane misogynistic homeschooling family. Our dad would scream and cuss at toddlers and beat the hell out of them saying “G** d***” taking God’s name in vain. When I addressed one of his countless examples of abuse many years later as an adult that had moved out of the house he accused me of “tormenting” him by bringing it up.

[@Elohim07248]

I've noticed narcs never miss an opportunity to feed themselves value at someone else's expense. Every day, people do wonderful things that garner them appreciation and validation WITHOUT having to siphon it thru 'make wrongs.' The tactic has been so successful that I wonder if there isn't a natural mechanism that allows them to feed without the necessity of having others' attention on it. Tactics that don't work are abandoned. I guess I wondering if there is an assimilation of another's life quanta into your own court if you are convincing enough that you are 'owed' karmically. Why the tap dance if it's all a facade. Maybe there's some actual accumulated payback for successfully feeling the 'victim' of your own prey. If so, I'd like to raid their mattresses where they've stored it and take it back. Lol. These games don't happen out there on the Serengeti.

[@ursulaursula4912]

NEVER

[@jesseward568]

Narc phrasebook

[@bereal6590]

That's classic .... Esp when it's a vulnerable n. Passive aggression and guilt tripping ✌️

[@laurieduncan6096]

They have “selective morality”. Whatever works for them is their morality. And this is where the hypocrisy comes in. Double standards at every turn, and constant rationalizing why something is ok for them to do, but not for you. Vile creatures.

[@Robidu1973]

According to the D&D 3.5 rulebook that would be Lawful Evil.

[@biancavonmuhlendorf2608]

Jep

[@杨梦琦-b4o]

Liberal jackass: Everything I dislike should be banned. Everything I like is human right and should be paid for by others.

[@Watthourmeter]

One way streets and double standards with a covert narcissist are understatements. They can and will feed off of all parts of you without any concerns or obligations to give anything back.

[@dyoung2739]

So true. They think they're superior to others because they think they're morally better when in fact they're the most immoral.

[@ekke7995]

No argument can ever be resolved unless you give up and let them win.

[@bobtaylor170]

Better to slug them into unconsciousness.

[@sherrygeorge8613]

Go no contact and don't play into their games

[@jbc23]

This is true. I have given up. The joy in their voice when they call is palpable. They took my brothers with them and are trying to turn my daughter against me. I've tried to warn her, I worry. My brothers are flying monkeys and I think she may believe their lies. I'm so deeply saddened about this. Ive fought these 2 people my whole life and Im so tired of them. I know they will live a long time because they because they thrive on drama and control and bullying.

[@katie195]

justice wanted let them go. They will miss you more than you will miss them. My spouse whipped the “I care” right out of me. I am neutral in all matters. I have no opinion. I don’t even talk. God forbid - don’t ask questions. My noncommittal demeanor drives him crazy. He can’t stir up a fight or even a reaction. Biding my time.

[@jbc23]

@@katie195 thank you, Kat. I am trying. It is so hard because I love my brothers so much.

[@mikeraskin7319]

Thank you for your help and support. There's a ton of this going on now a days.

[@CG-bt7oc]

Bless you dr. Carter, your videos are making a tremendous difference in our daily lives!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks, C G. Dr. C

[@wildhorses6817]

Thank you Dr Carter. One issue after divorce and struggle is seeing him happy, new partner, alot of money, travel, a new life. I don't understand anything . Life is confusing.

[@debrahelgeson6677]

Yep!! Your video was a story of my life Dr C!! I will not complain, rather, I decided to empower myself, love myself, move forward. Negative breeds negative, I want no part of that in my life anymore. Forward

[@micheleshively8557]

👍🙏💚

[@fecarlson]

The narcissists I know along with the warped morality, seem to lack Joy in their lives that comes from sharing mutual special moments or sharing the special moments of others. This deadening effect makes it difficult to tolerate them.

[@carolynm4962]

fecarlson42 That is because if they are not the one being celebrated, it means nothing at all to them.

[@notwhatiwasraised2b]

So people who don't exhibit joy at your special moments are narcissists with a 'warped morality' that you find intolerable? Who's the narcissist?

[@notwhatiwasraised2b]

@@carolynm4962 Do you expect everyone else to exhibit joy at your every celebration? Are you always joyfully for others in their's? Why do you go all the way to "it means nothing at all to them"? Maybe they're preoccupied with 'more important things', like an illness, death in the family, finances - their own lives or issues?

[@carolynm4962]

Greg Pearcey No, the point seems to be lost on you. From your remarks, I believe the rest of us can figure out who the narcissist is. 🤣🤣🤣

[@francinesmith8109]

@@notwhatiwasraised2b go away abusive and trolling male. This channel is for ppl that are abused by ppl just like you. This channel is about you, NOT for you.

[@chadandrews98]

NPD perspective: If you were “on board” I wouldn’t need to manipulate you”

[@nicolai6161]

Yolanda Navarrete I hear from therapists that u can never satisfy a narcissist.. there will always be new conditions and their behavior is doomed to escalate

[@valerieparker2242]

@@yolandanavarrete6945 Wow. You are completely on board? I could never be because he always moved the goal posts. It's just a game of manipulation to see how low you will go to "please" them. (Btw, they can NEVER be satisfied)

[@Slarti]

@@nicolai6161 exactly, don't let that good feeling, when they are seemingly kind to you, fool you into thinking things have improved. My experience of my narcissistic boss is that people are just there to serve him and he will do whatever he feels he needs to do to get them to serve him whether that be nastiness or praise. They just seem to be predators - I see my boss as a vampire, he just feeds off other people.

[@rachelhill3838]

@@yolandanavarrete6945 ...yes, and because through manipulation he can get even MORE of what he wants!

[@lucygoose6237]

🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌

[@willyeverlearn7052]

I really needed you decades ago.

[@willyeverlearn7052]

@@joseenoel8093 Yes

[@paulwood9928]

My brother says that about our narcissist brother. But I have reminded him this was not nearly as well known nor as pervasive as now. I hope that helps!

[@firebunnii3536]

Things are evolving now and it’s a beautiful thing... couldn’t come too soon, these faux humans have gotten away with too much and The Universe is balancing them out now!!

[@eigarza3]

There SHOULD be some compensation legally when they put a person thru this horror!!

[@JennieNMoya]

OMG I was just thinking that someone physically abuses you they can be put in jail why can’t a person be prosecuted for this abuse. The years of hell they put us through.

[@tammyfitzgerald5336]

🎉🎉🎉absolutely

[@cbarfieldengr]

Has anyone else had the narcissist in their life claim that in fact YOU are a narcissist? I had no idea what I narcissist was 3 years ago but I had repeatedly been accused of being one so I finally did some research and the more I read and saw videos like these, the more my gut clinched at the realization that she fit 90% of the criteria.

[@susiep.7372]

They are really disturbed !! And there's nothing to do about it !!! You can only MOVE ON and leave them alone !! See them as handicapped !!! You fall for something, that isn't there ... Save yourself and live a happy life ( without them!!) .

[@alpana1950]

'You fall for something,that is not there' - 😁😁😁

[@wildhorses6817]

Get OUT as Soon as possible. It only gets Worse !

[@susiep.7372]

@@wildhorses6817 I am already OUT ... Thank God !! 🙏 Narcs are the proof that the devil exists..

[@tammyfitzgerald5336]

❤🎉❤🎉🙏🏽🙌💯🙏🏽🙌💯💥💥💥💥💥💥

[@ithacacomments4811]

My narc ex who stopped attending church years ago told me that I was going to go to hell because I wanted a divorce. Go to hell ???? I already live there !

[@kathleenmcintyre4058]

Ithaca Comments Good one and good for you!

[@ellehub2136]

@Ithaca Comments 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏 PERFECT REPLY!!!!!!!! 🥰🥰🥰

[@jackiejames3898]

Lol Hell on earth is real☹

[@jennagrace8656]

@@jackiejames3898 yup😣

[@clairobics]

This comes from Matthew 19:8 and some are divided over this teaching. Unfortunately, there are many Narcs who use 'religion' to cover their abuse. Please do not let this put you off a relationship with God however. Yes, divorce was not 'meant' to happen in a general term, ie God's plan but its the same with a lot of other things because of the Fall, pretty much nothing is still in its 'original state' God permits divorce because of 'harden hearts' ie horrible abusive men! ( and women sometimes) God does calls for forgiveness but certainly does NOT condone staying in ANY abusive situation and healthy boundaries are vital. He doesn't want His daughters to be 'unequally yoked' either to those who say one thing but are clearly not living in God's will or way at all as is apparent in their behaviour.

[@theideaplace]

I even said years ago that my ex didn't have a moral code... changed depending on who he talked to last... can't live with something so unpredictable and unreliable... happily divorced for many years now

[@jordanferguson2254]

I'll never understand how people like that can live with themselves. It literally causes a strange twisting feeling in my stomach and chest. I think about the narcs I encountered as nightmares, lol. Not scared of them, but disturbed by them. It's why I make sure to fill my life with love, peave and joy. Gotta drown that bs energy out.

[@darrynreid4500]

When they lie, it isn't lying, by definition, because they decide what is or is not the truth in their little version of reality, which is, of course, the definitive reality that you must believe in unconditionally as well.

[@margaretcrane7477]

He’s never done anything wrong.

[@Isochest]

"I haven't done anything wrong" is the most regular quote of one Narc I know

[@carolnahigian9518]

Its never his fault. AT LEAST NOW THANK GOD MOM IS DEAD_ I no longer have to pretend he is a human being

[@novastariha8043]

@@carolnahigian9518 more of a “Terminator” !? Never stops ....

[@His_creation]

Same.

[@thechiabeast]

Wow people i can never believe the amount of disdain you can openly display for another person im a narc a malignant one and a father and husband im trying my best i know most like me dont try but honestly can you blame them all you do is gaslight and play two faced trying to trick narcs into being kind amd other crap and we have the fucked up moral code i mean i now im prone to disgust but holly hell

[@knarf_on_a_bike]

"Narcissists don't hear you." Never have truer words been said. She will demand an apology, I swallow my pride (even if I've done nothing wrong) and apologize, and 30 seconds later she demands the same apology. I tell her I just apologized and she demands I do it again - and again, and again.

[@jaredknight1627]

My goodness buddy been there and done that. I was married for 9 years and together with her for 11. It was the worst 10 years of my life. I would not wish that upon anyone. I am still kicking myself for being so stupid and not seeing it plain as day. Love and sex is so blinding. So many things unanswered and it is so hard to stop thinking about all of it. I wish you the best of luck on staying away from her and recovering from what you been through.

[@sweetrose813]

That's because they wanted conditioned you to be a good slave

[@knarf_on_a_bike]

@@sweetrose813 absolutely, it's all about control.

[@Iulia958]

Been there, demanding apologies thru blame shifting ending up apologizing every time then wonder what did just happened?! When I started to see her thru and she demanded apology I refused, I refused to apologize for something I haven’t done, I only apologize when I am conscious of my wording, something I did or something I said but this time after I went no contact I haven’t apologized anymore! I was aware of her games. Of course then the game shift when she couldn’t control me apologizing and playing her puppet that I ended up being called a narc and I quote her saying “I think you should fucking bow for once“ she is God/ special.

[@avril4421]

Mine too.im in the process of releasing myself from his grip. It’s not easy, but I will manage it. Good luck

[@sheilabest3652]

Helpful. Narcissists and morals can be a can of worms.

[@betsyhood1206]

Thank you for making a case study of my brother.I'm still laughing at him screaming at me, 'I'm never rude', while he continued to insult me.

[@brooke5395]

For everything else, there's Mastercard. They are priceless, aren't they? 🤣

[@NarcissisticAbuseRehab]

This resonates will me. It’s like their needs and point of view eclipse our basic human rights.

[@suzanvaughn4522]

It feels like the relationship has sucked the life from me...to be expected to do certain things, never asked.

[@sherrim4067]

@@suzanvaughn4522 you got it right. I'm dealing with that now.

[@pollytheparrot8929]

Damn right! 😤🙄

[@KrystalLioness]

You always keep it interesting. There's always something to learn from your channel and it's very much appreciated! 😃

[@Ski7440]

Krystal Lioness ..... Dr Carter certainly keeps it so much to the point . So it’s nice and clear what the key factors are about narcissists really are.

[@gjop-xm2xe]

This week I finally took my narc. Out of y trust and no power attorney that is my first big step. I'm fearful but I know I'll heal in time

[@beverlyorlando8040]

Boy did I ever get robbed of having an engaging human relationship when I married this guy 33 years ago! I tried to the point of pure exhaustion but only succeeded in making myself sick & crazy! I was becoming someone I didn't like very much with all of the negative feelings I had of him and they way I reacted to his nonsense! I'm in the process of divorcing him (my choice) and that has proven to open my eyes to his narcissism even more! I look forward to being free to be the person I was intended to be without hiding that or feeling guilty for it! Much happiness & peace to all who have suffered from these toxic, unhealthy relationships!

[@Flowerhead247]

Oh my goodness Dr. Carter! This video rings so true into what is happening in my life with my husband of 29 years. I did not know (until recently) what has been happening in my marriage until last year 2019 that I found your videos on Narcissism after Googling, 'Why do I feel like I am walking on eggshells.' And I am so so happy to have found you and so many other videos on this! I think that I like your videos best. They have answered soooooooooo many questions! Brings me to tears because I thought I was going crazy :'( So THANK YOU!!

[@Hatbox948]

I like Dr. Carter's best too.

[@andreamss1244]

Do I recognize this behavior ? I lived it for 20 years plus... Thank you Dr. C, you have literally saved my sanity! 💕💕👍👍👍

[@tammyw.4779]

andreams S - Good luck to you. ❤️

[@heatherwhittaker6169]

This is such an accurate point by point description of the narcissist.I wish I'd have had it to keep with me 40 plus years ago.Thank you very much Dr. Carter.This is a great refresher. P.s.I spied Gus, pats for him.

[@gwendolynwehage6336]

This has been true with my narcissistic family structure. The entire family acts in these ways as though it is a cultural thing that I never bought into myself. They have targeted me for gossip because they don't like that I follow my own path.

[@tammyw.4779]

Gwendolyn Wehage - I sure hope things go much better for you! I know how it feels first hand when many might gossip and slander you, but truth will speak louder in time. And the ones that love you most will know the truth, and won’t care. Best of luck to you.

[@ellemonettef7200]

Oh trust and believe if your different and have your own mind and thoughts you will be Targeted by your family and anyone else that ar flying monkeys.

[@lindsayschilling8707]

Oh, sooo true.

[@dogbehavior420]

Friend, you are not alone!

[@tammyfitzgerald5336]

They definitely flock together 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉❤❤❤❤

[@maryrospos]

You mention that if a narcissist is wrong about something or lies about something, he just thinks and says that it’s ok for him but not for the other person. In my experience with a narcissist, he would never admit to being or doing something wrong. And he certainly would never admit that he lied. Occasionally, when cornered about the lie, he would just make something up to justify it!

[@sduskybutterflyk3720]

And then, attack you for it, or get all snarky on you...

[@constancebarrett1398]

Gus is walking around getting his excercise. ❤🐕

[@villebooks]

A Gus in the house keeps the narcissists out :-D

[@amberlynnadams3744]

It's neverending! The patterns... Very timely! Thank you, Dr. C!!!

[@amberlynnadams3744]

@@joshuafalade4754 Thank you for your helpful information. My heart sank at the word "trust." I am sorry for what you have experienced. Remain a loving and trusting heart! Don't you change!!

[@brooke5395]

Not team players. Team captains/managers. Lol Holy Spirit showed me something cool the other day. The seeds of doubt they sow are dried up and wither away by His light. As long as YOU do not water them, no amount of watering of those seeds that they do will be fruitful for them. YHVH bless and keep you.

[@Lexilea68]

Aaaaamen!

[@legendar3842]

This is why they always gaslight then you question your own morality.

[@prescottlady290]

What you're describing here is "self idolatry"; the narcissistic has made a god of him/her self, as final authority. People make gods or idols of most anything (drugs, alcohol, sex, money, themselves or other people) when they do not have the one true God in His rightful place.

[@MakeAmericagreatAgainEVH]

Exactly

[@tomekamontegue5122]

Thanks once again Dr. C! I tell you I’m so grateful for these videos because I use them to adjust my attitude and behavior, versus trying to get the narcissist to do anything different. I feel free and I feel in charge doing it this way! Once I gained the understanding I was able to stand in my own POWER! And not be over taken by their foolishness. Thanks a million!!! ❤️

[@lynnfincham6839]

Mr c I’ve felt that frustration anger, and was too polite to vent it , I’ve stood back looked at the big picture and walked away ... team healthy 👍

[@deborahmeyers9914]

Super helpful. I've been subscribed and I cannot tell you how much you have helped me live with this behavior. My whole way of thinking and dealing with my narcissist has changed - for the better, for me!

[@christianpulisic7784]

Deborah Meyers,You are beautiful 🌹🌹🥀,hope you are not with a narc 😈!!

[@joannajohnson696]

I just had this conversation with my AH Narcissist, I said, "I don't know how you were raised, but I was raised with conscience, with morals & integrity. (I was cleaning up the old house that we just moved from-which he didn't want to do!) He then SCREAMED & threatened to divorce me.

[@paulakaye2108]

Yes, *you* have to be very tight and careful with money because they consider *your* money as *theirs* and if you go spending your money like they spend "their" money, (meaning your's), how're they going to afford all those lovely things they've decided you're going to pay for...? Convoluted, rationalized "logic" that boils down to this; what's theirs is theirs and what's your's, (they consider to be), is theirs as well. Just think of a Vampire, (not even one of those Brad Pitt kind!), sucking up *everything* you need to live, (money most especially), and you'll have a really good picture of a Narcissist.

[@mamamiafreedom]

My money is my money, your money is my money... When I was working, my narc had no problem with joint account, even before we married, had no problem me using my money for us eating out or groceries or something special he wanted, or even paying debt. Make the blind decision to become sahm and only a few months into it he was calling me lazy, ungrateful, his money is his, he spends it how he wants regardless of budget and if I dared to treat myself I was a hypocrite (for getting mad at him breaking the bank). Separated and despite the law stating spouse income as community property, doesnt matter still his money. Law states each spouse is entitled to half the marital income, but he tries to tell me a lawyer said only half of whats in joint, he threatens to pull his paycheck. Ok buddy, you do that. The law will decide who's right. They just don't care.

[@harleyquinn5774]

My sister once claimed that any money I earned from any job I did was rightfully hers because she was born first.

[@june-mariehamilton5455]

So very, very true.

[@richardlandis793]

Paula Kaye BIG TIME

[@hisnewlife3543]

I am at the point where instead of focusing on the narcissist and what they do, I would like to focus on how to fix me and figure out how I got in this position in the first place. I would also like to prevent making poor choices in the future and not get linked up with one of these narcissists again, which seems to be my pattern from childhood. I hope this is possible.

[@djrdjr8888]

Demand your space, demand respect, and trust your instincts

[@tammyw.4779]

Good luck to you!! Take one day at a time, and know you’re not alone! God bless. ❤️❤️

[@hisnewlife3543]

@@djrdjr8888 thank you so much, David. I have tried my very best to demand respect only to be told completely off and treated no differently. I don't think it is working. I dont know how to demand respect but I am being let alone now for two whole days, maybe because I hide in the bath, but nonetheless it is helpful.

[@lisbethbird8268]

@His New Life I'm rooting for you too. Maybe try total gray rock ignoring. If you demand respect and get told off, they're probably loving the drama and their opportunity to dominate and steamroller you. Which is f**king despicable if you ask me. It just makes me sick. I thought your original question was insightful... If they do have morality, you and I probably wouldn't recognize it as such. Can you take a hot bath and read a good book? (I just watched an eight year old university "lecture" with Steven King and Andre DuBuis at UMASS Lowell. Great time waster. ..loved it. Now I want to read a good story)

[@tammyw.4779]

His New Life - The way you think is a blessing to all normal people. It’s those by their own ignorance that they chose not to understand. The Apostle Paul prayed God would remove something that caused him hardship, but the Lord never did. He then concluded that if he were to have this infirmity, then he’d use it to the best of his ability. You are loved by Christ just the way ‘He made you’, and He makes no mistakes. 🙏❤️

[@jayaom4946]

I realize now that I took to a specific path with morality in it when I was around 20 years old (now 37). It took a long time for me to understand that my parents didn't live by those morals and they didn't respect them either (I just assumed they did). They began to feel threatened when my sense of morality became more important to me than helping create their mask.

[@M_SC]

Jaya O'M yessssssss!

[@sheilajac]

I remember when I was a kid, my parents pulled over and dropped a bag of car trash on the side of the highway. Someone flipped out on them/gave them hell for littering and they picked it back up and we left. I distinctly remember feeling vindicated in some way - ie if a complete stranger called my parents out on their behaviour, maybe I wasn't wrong all the time vs. them

[@marrrlena3722]

I had to create my own morality and sense of ethics and it happened early at 8 years old I knew I would choose the path of 'do no harm to others'. I think you either have it or you don't.

[@Corinna_Schuett_GER]

Jaya, when God saved me drawing my soul to Jesus at the age of 39 I began to see clearly what the problem was: 16 But unto the wicked God saith, What hast thou to do to declare my statutes, or that thou shouldest take my covenant in thy mouth? 17 Seeing thou hatest instruction, and casteth my words behind thee. 18 When thou sawest a thief, then thou consentedst with him, and hast been partaker with adulterers. 19 Thou givest thy mouth to evil, and thy tongue frameth deceit. 20 Thou sittest and speakest against thy brother; thou slanderest thine own mother's son. 21 These things hast thou done, and I kept silence; thou thoughtest that I was altogether such an one as thyself: but I will reprove thee, and set them in order before thine eyes. 22 Now consider this, ye that forget God, lest I tear you in pieces, and there be none to deliver. 23 Whoso offereth praise glorifieth me: and to him that ordereth his conversation aright will I show the salvation of God (= Jesus). *Psalm 50*

[@jbc23]

I will screen shoot this! This is my story, too,!

[@cynthiawebster3376]

Thank you so much for this!!! This is especially helpful when you are dealing with religious narcissists. They claim to own the market on "morality" while their immorality toward their fellow man or, in my case, daughter, is shocking. I was raised in a total narcissistic religious system and I'm reeling right now from two parents and three brothers and their abuses over decades. Count me out of the cult as of right now!

[@TheQueensWish]

Empaths can feel their very soul within. That doesn’t happen with a narcissist. They feel through their ego, When God’s light shines upon our soul we receive grace. God’s light does not shine upon an ego. It can’t. It’s the wrong doorway, wrong entrance point. It’s just not set up that way. It is their great great loss and it’s one of the empaths greatest gifts.

[@tammyw.4779]

Just Megs - “wrong doorway - wrong entrance point”. I like that. Thanks for your insight. ❤️

[@loulou89732]

thank you....☺

[@Isochest]

Thanks for providing that timeless quote "God's light doesn't shine on an ego". Hahahaha!!!! Now that's cheered me up no end:-))))

[@firebunnii3536]

Yep, they run on the reptilian brain only, domination, or submission, it’s a horrible energy you can feel bubbling beneath their craftily weaved false self

[@DarthShadie]

"If you do something wrong, you need to seek forgiveness or be punished. If I do something wrong, you need to seek my forgiveness or be punished because I did it because of you, or I never do anything wrong." It makes no sense! And yet they believe it and reinforce it. Hear someone say that, get out of there, shut the door behind you, don't look back!

[@sherrim4067]

Exactly! When taking care of my narc who had hip surgery and helping him in out of bed, maintaining his drug schedule and all the other care taking deeds I was told when I was tired, " that it was my problem, and I didn't stop myself from getting no sleep or a shower, - that sounds like YOUR problem, Sherri ". They don't hear your arguments or concerns. Very true.

[@georgiehughes4858]

Thank you so much Dr C. You are a continual blessing. I greatly appreciate how organized and structured your lessons are, how logically and kindly you present your points, and what a gentleman you are.... Oh, and love your doggie pal in the room as well. I am sharing your videos with people the Lord brings into my life who will also be very encouraged by your helpful expertise and insight.

[@ceebee1704]

"What's right, what's wrong?" Is what I used to hear a lot. It was always wrong whenever I said no though.

[@jemgem9593]

Nice cardigan. I've just been drawn into a conversation with covert narc bully authoritarian older brother. I couldn't protect myself from his toxic verbals at me. Now I feel awful, upset and 'poisoned' ...he refused to allow me to listen another time. He got angry and demanded I had to listen now (clearly to suit his timings). He is so skilled at his toxic projections directed at me. He knew what he was trying to achieve and partly succeeded, but got angry and shouted at me, because I said I'm not able to listen right now. Yup trying to write my rule book. SO true. Thus channel is a breath of fresh air to me. I'm trying to live out my correctness, because he's always out to harm me in his superior way.

[@Waterlooplein1]

You have said what I have done. It took a lot of years. Because you have to accept some things, that takes time, and you have to lose some things.

[@nacarreira777]

This describes my narcissist to a tee.

[@loveahusky]

Nancy Alexander-Carreira mine too. No empathy whatsoever

[@jenniferwarhawk7301]

As I listen to your videos, I do it with my husband in mind, trying to figure him out. But sometimes I think, what if I'M the narcissist!?! I'm aware enough to know that I don't want to be that person, but sometimes I fear that I'm in the narcissist camp too. But then I realize, if I exhibit any of these traits, it's only done towards the narcissists in my life. I've lived with my brother for seven months now and we get along wonderfully because we both have and exhibit a mutual respect for one another. We speak our minds in conflict and we're both willing to accommodate the other person's complaints. But it's not like that with my husband at all. I can't even bring up a complaint with him. He's not interested in hearing that he's behaving in a hurtful way. His mentality is, if I didn't mean to hurt you, then I have nothing to apologize for. You are just too sensitive. He uses the opportunity of me voicing a complaint about him to unload on me everything that he hates about me. And, with him, I've started doing the same thing! I've stopped trying to care about his complaints about me because he has almost never cared about my complaints about him. I think narcissism can be a learned defense mechanism behavior developed in defense of another narcissist.

[@toon2u1]

Narcists & morals in the same sentence no less.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Yeah, well, just stay tuned. Dr. C

[@AlwaysStampinVideos]

It’s almost laughable, isn’t it?!

[@Ski7440]

john brown smith ...yep so true, .... my sibling told me not to do something, then promptly went and did it herself.

[@TiffTheTyrant]

A thing like that...lol

[@AhnkAton]

These bullying demons don’t play by the rules but, will severely reprimand you at the slightest move against “their” rules! These screwed up psychos feel the world owes them a living, where you need their permission & approval to exist or live!

[@AhnkAton]

Josee Noel Our so called “royal” leaders think it’s their “entitlement” to sponge off the sweat of humanity with impunity bcoz they view themselves above the laws (they write) thus, view humanity as slaves-peasants, to be abused & exploited at their twisted whims & pleasures, the same way they viewed safari game to be bred and shot at their leisure and pleasure!

[@avril4421]

What is their right ‘to reprimand ‘ ? I’m an adult, and slightly older than him. This is a hateful word, aren’t relationships supposed to be about, love, sharing , support and honesty?

[@HerbandCindy]

Avril Farley ...It’s only in their own mind.

[@AhnkAton]

Avril Farley Abusers/narcs don’t see you as an individual with rights but, as a personal possession & property, to be abused, humiliated, indoctrinated, brainwashed, manipulated & exploited with impunity!

[@Michaelgracon]

Iam a Masterpiece of the DivineCreator What happened to them in childhood to create these demons?

[@Kellydalebob]

The words "It's different" is my husband's motto. If someone around him is or has done something similar to what he has done in the past that is the first thing out of his mouth. Example my daughters boyfriend lost his drivers license for a bit so he drives illegally. My husband got mad but i told him he did the same thing at that age. He would even brag that it made him a better driver . But it is different. That drives me crazy. And then he will walk off when I am talking about his passed. He also has selective memory. 😆

[@Iulia958]

Kelly Paul they all have selective memory because they re-write every time it suits them, then try to brainwash the victims with it, is subtle but happens. That “is different” and “I know” is the motto of the narc I had in my life as well... “I know” “you might have....... but with me is different don’t you even dare to compare “ .... and so on. Is crazy making in the end! The longer in contact with them; the longer the abuse and the older they get the worse is yet to come!

[@Kellydalebob]

@@Iulia958 Thank you. I know about it getting worse as he gets older. He turned 50 last year and just flipped out. Doing things he has never done before like not paying any of the bills expected r older children who still at home to pay everything and give him money because he lost 2 jobs by then. He was always a god worker saved money . Starting stealing from stores and returning it to get the money from it. He was acting like a irresponsible teean ager. I have know him since we teens and he never did that i told him that and he laughed and said he had some catching up to do.

[@6Deccers6]

My last ex girlfriend was exactly the same it was so predictable I could say it just when she was going too and we would both say it different at the same time. That would send her into a massive rage. How the he'll can they actually believe its different? It so frustrating you want to just bang your head on the wall

[@karmagal8067]

Thank you for your spot on advise. No counselors in Central Florida. Not even a support group. You set yourself apart with. Your demeanor. It is understandable, kind and direct. God Bless you and those who are in pain as a result of a narcissistic encounter.

[@wedaad885]

God bless you You must be the only person I know whocan describe and understand what living with a narc is like. Just knowing that I am not crazy ..... is part of my healing

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks for this good feedback! Keep leaning forward! Dr. C

[@narcfreeatlast6975]

Another classic I wish I had a dollar for every time I heard was: I didn't ask for your opinion! fine, whatever, I don't care cause no one asked you! *constant interruption* In a narcissist's mindset it's: It's either my way or there is hell to pay!

[@anniemaymcneely2013]

My favorite is when I get the angry lectures about how I need him to control me and correct me. Apparently he feels like he needs to watch me all the time to keep me from doing something wrong. He literally told me that I'm not exaggerating

[@daffodilunderhill7066]

When I told my adult child narcissist that she was manipulating me, she said, "I don't want you to Feel manipulated." Well, duh, if I feel manipulated I am on to her. She does not say she doesn't want to manipulate me, just doesn't want me to realize it.

[@lisbethbird8268]

Wow.

[@pamelapap]

How do you know she’s a narcissist? If so where did she get it from?

[@francinesmith8109]

@Nenethegreat W so YOU get it and no one else does on here? Lol right. So self righteous and superior thinking. Lol what a joke.

[@carriered4715]

I feel Sorry for you, I also have an adult child Narcissist, my Daughter, and she's pushed me to my absolute Limit, I just Can't Take any more from her.

[@daffodilunderhill7066]

@Nenethegreat W I give one example and you make a diagnosis?

[@josephosullivan9506]

These truths hit me hard! ....in a good way😁 I had a bunch of narcissists and they all had different rulebooks for me, no wonder I thought I was going crazy! 9 months no contact and I'm still staggered at the levels of control, manipulation and abuse from people I thought were my family. Thank for these words🙂

[@len1045678]

My things with covert Narcissit Morality is they are hypocrites you will reveal a secret about yourself to them, but they will keep their whole life and relationship private/secret, yet they will condemn you about about your own personal life. The double standard is real

[@Iulia958]

Thank you so much for this educational video. After all, it’s still amazes me how much I can relate to this content. Every time I think “okay I know now how ..” I see another great video such as this and think “oh yes, I am remembering that” opened my eyes. Sometimes makes me sad to come more to realize that the person you loved, grew up with and cared for is not whom you thought.

[@Marella2024]

It can be hard because they are so inconsistent that they make your head spin. Just drawing the lines between all the things that they flip flop on can cause you to become demoralized and confused. Especially, if you work under a malignant narcissist like I do. 😩

[@sublimesamoyed]

You just explained my dad to a T. Most self righteousness person I’ve ever met in my life.

[@guscelina]

OMG Dr. Carter, this has been my life for 32 years. Thank you for explaining and confirming. I will be free this year; your advice has been wonderful and do on point. Bless you for your work!

[@jedimaster708]

Like the song lyric from Ebony and Ivory, 'There is good and bad in everyone' but it's morality and decency that separates the heroes from the villains. Truly decent individuals, despite having negative feelings at times, don't act upon them as they have greater self awareness than narcissists, who just let rip whenever the mood takes them, and devil take the hindmost. They see themselves as being above showing consideration for others, while better people exercise and champion authenticity and understanding in all of their everyday interactions.

[@coolhandchris5960]

Source considered! You did it again Mr Carter, nailed it! Its like you know whats left of my family. I wish I could share this with them... Sad. Peace

[@crissiefinn9999]

Ahhhhh, the double standard!! Seen it over and over again!! My youngest son is married to one, she is pure evil! I pray for him to open his eyes - once the honeymoon stage wears off - hopefully he will see what I (and others) see. 🙏🏻

[@christianpulisic7784]

Cris Finn,I admire your pretty smile ☺️!!

[@julietamalo6881]

Thank you for the wonderful insights, Dr. Carter!! I am so grateful for having found your channel and to listen to your insightful advice. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all your dedication towards helping others!! Have a great day and God bless!!

[@johannesbergcrantz]

Dignity, respect and civility. I'm a subscriber :)

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Glad to have you on board! Dr. C

[@RobertSmith-vt6bc]

Thank you Dr. Carter.... I have lost my daughter to one of these individuals.... I wish I had known this in retrospect😢 I might have been able to avoid emotional manipulation... Starting to feel a little better about myself just listening to you.... God bless you!

[@sherilynmalloy2626]

Thank you, Dr. Carter!

[@vanessapehl7581]

Dr. Carter I get it I write my own moral codes...Thanks

[@LL-eg4er]

I was waiting for this video, thank you for posting it. Their morality is based on their need that moment. I could never understand it, now I do. What an eye opener! It was never about me, I simply didn’t matter.

[@gdcat777]

When I tried to rationally convey the dangerous situation my narc is in by telling him what he needed to learn and do so that he won't end up his own worst enemy he told me verbatim, "You have no idea what you are talking about."

[@annebeavers3002]

You describe my deceased husband to a T. It is like you vaidiated my being. You have been a God sent human angel. I would have never survived without the grace of God. Now there is some logic to my battered and scared psychic. Maybe in time and prayer I can let go of the past, forgive and move on. No more "wondering in the desert" heading to the "promised land".

[@martcichocki5571]

TY SO much, Dr. C, for pointing out & confirming this predatory disorder that is anathema. I feel a lot less GUILTY about some past events. Hats off to YOU, a* Beacon of Light*.

[@steffiebeffie3468]

Thank you Dr. Carter always insightful.

[@rafikgl]

My narc brother drove me crazy throughout my childhood by enforcing rules on me that he never follows.

[@AishaVonFossen]

Hypocrisy, it's one of the number one features of narcissists. They're in their own little fake worlds that shift any way they want them to, and you're just supposed to go along with it, because they see you as nothing more than their plaything and minion. It's disgusting.

[@jessicalittle1802]

Good advice. I have found myself rebelling against being controlled in an unbalanced way at times and letting it upset me.

[@High.Vibe.Living]

Thank you for this. its crazy how EVERYTHING you said, is directly on point to my sometimes problematic family member!

[@brucewachta4102]

It seems like society encourages this 'it's all about ME take care of yourself the hell with everyone else" kind of behavior?

[@christinebuckingham8369]

Bruce Wachta Seems more like we are all encouraged by society and religion to be kind to everyone at our own expense. This makes those of us wishing to be good and kind more vulnerable to selfish narcissists. Seek to be kind, yet always while including yourself in that equation. We all need and deserve to set boundaries and put our own oxygen mask first. If we don’t, we won’t be any good to anyone, including ourselves if we’re drained by narcissists.

[@brucewachta4102]

@@christinebuckingham8369 You have a good point. For some reason I seem to attract very controlling people. I feel uncomfortable labeling others so I don't know if they're narcissists I just let them have their way and let the chips fall where they may. Trying to argue with them leads nowhere. Thanks for your advice😃

[@Corinna_Schuett_GER]

@@christinebuckingham8369 you name it: it is RELIGION that leaves people vulnerable but if you got a PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP with Jesus "No weapon against you will prosper". He's the overall protection and shield that any "religion" doesn't know about because it denies Gods power and might. 2 Timothy 3:5

[@Lexilea68]

2 Timothy 3 King James Version (KJV) 3 This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. 2 For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, 3 Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, 4 Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; 5 Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away. 6 For of this sort are they which creep into houses, and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts, 7 Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.

[@Corinna_Schuett_GER]

@@Lexilea68 yeah thats exactly it. 👍👍

[@avril4421]

I don’t know how it’s possible, but your talk has again absolutely hit the nail on the head for timing and help for my situation, I’m so so grateful, it’s as if you have a direct connection to my thoughts . My ex has lost his new woman after two months and is doing his best to try and get me back. However he wrote a long list of conditions under which we could carry on! Most of these are unacceptable to me and I’ve told him so, but he persists because we are ‘so terribly in love’. No we most certainly are not. I’ve just written an in e mail to him in response to one where he is now accusing me of something I’ve not done, and chosen the last option on his list of no further contact. Lord I hope I can manage this. Everything you said today reflects his behaviour patterns and my over forgiving (doormat) nature which has brought us back to this pitch. Thankyou again, I’ve saved many of your broadcasts to re listen to, but this comes out top.

[@lisbethbird8268]

@Avril Farley You can manage. You can. You should be laughing at him...you've got the right! (Jackson Browne...Fountain of Sorrow...paraphrased). It darn *funny* that in his desperation to get you back he tries to set rules for you. I mean, really, that's preposterous! You made the only correct choice, certainly.

[@avril4421]

Thank you so much Lisbeth Bird. You are quite right. ❤️

[@lisbethbird8268]

I wish you the best sincerely. I hope you're on the West coast and don't have to be up early, cause it's 4:30 am here. I don't know why I'm still up. It my you tube addiction. But I had to shift my brain away from narcicism and impeachment trial so it's been live bluegrass and Steven King interviews. LOL.

[@avril4421]

Oh Lisbeth I’m in uk awake since my midnight trying to deal with the latest upheaval. Now its10 am and I’ve just crawled out of bed head full of horrible. Wishing you some peaceful sleep and a happy day xx 💕

[@lisbethbird8268]

Thanks...my life is a mess. Maybe I can solve all the problems today! Wishing you peacefulness too. Stick your landing.

[@sadhanarane4796]

Every time I give up want to bang my head n give up you bring me right on the track Dr 🙏

[@yoyrekas7339]

Hi Les. Thank you for taking the time to teach us, and grow richer as humans. I consider that we suffer at this present time cannot be compared at all with the glory to be revealed to us... St Paul. Take care. God bless. Joy Darwin Australia ❤️❣️❤️❤️❣️

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks, Joy. Les

[@kellyjoslin4317]

I been watching your video for the last few weeks and I've only just started seeing a counsellor And you hlep to see one Dr Les Carter my ex always put me off of seeing a counsellor so I your advice and seeing now so thank you for making me see that I'm not MAD at all ❤️👍

[@dianebergschneider4028]

So true...I have a family acquaintance that proclaims 'I know, trust me' ...it gets so old..she doesn't listen to another point of view ever. So, I have eliminated her from my contact.

[@cynthiacole9328]

This information makes a lot of sense in what I've survived ... 😑

[@thewheatfields8852]

Yes, "I know" often emphasized before they go on to say what it is they know. I would take this as a red flag as I've heard it said by toxic narcs so many times. Worryingly, it has been mental health staff that stick out in my mind.

[@christianpulisic7784]

thequeen ofautumn,You are beautiful 🌹🌹🌺,hope you are not with a narc 😈!!

[@christianpulisic7784]

@@thewheatfields8852 You are welcome dearest 🌹🌷🌹.I am Christian from the States.You?

[@LewyLewy2008]

I like the straightforward and well organized way you break down your advice.

[@Jackie-dm1ye]

They can dish it out but can’t take it.

[@janparker6724]

Yeah, and it's even worse when they quote scripture to enforce their "morality" that we do exactly what they want or "God will get you for it..."

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Yeah, it's hard to reason with someone who loves to play the God card. Dr. C

[@Corinna_Schuett_GER]

Jan, read *Psalm **50:16**-23* and how God sees and judges them.

[@nanannyse]

Oh yeah! I was terrified of God growing up. My mom did get well finally, but holier than thou and you can't be saved. Look how you are acting. And these were for things I hadn't even done. My poor Papa was so weak that he hid behind his children and used us as shields and would agree with her.

[@Corinna_Schuett_GER]

@@nanannyse my question would be after you realized this: how are you NOW, are you saved meanwhile? Blessings your way!

[@nanannyse]

@@Corinna_Schuett_GER Yes. I reread what I wrote and it was pretty rough. I loved my parents. Life is hard for all of us. I didn't realize I still have anger of my faith always being questioned.

[@patwest1925]

Yup. Credo of the hypocrite: Do as I say, NOT as I do. Better is, "Do the right things for the right reasons."

[@Corinna_Schuett_GER]

Read the whole chapter 23 of the gospel of Matthew, your quote especially referring to verse 3. 👍👍

[@taraelmegreen5527]

You're brilliant ! Thank u thank u thank u! Because of your education here, things don't seem hopeless! Also, I see its NOT all my fault! I'm NOT the crazy one! All my deficits, problems, mistakes and shortcomings DONT make me unlovable, just real.....#strugglinginoklahoma

[@christianpulisic7784]

Tara Elmegreen,You are beautiful 🌹🌹🌺,you don't need a narc 😈 in your life!!

[@naturefleur2062]

“Morality is what you carry down at the core of your character”.... Oh! So not just what one professes to believe in a religious environment? Got it.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

I so get what you're saying. Dr. C

[@carolmaplesden916]

That's what the Lord means by saved by grace not by works. Being moral is not salvation.

[@onwardsandupwards7397]

Thank you, I needed to hear this today: When my narcissist tells me I am a bad person, I consider the source.

[@BK-qp8zp]

I'm getting to the point where I can watch your ever-so-helpful videos on a regular basis now, and have found the courage to subscribe. I find you to be so comforting to listen to. But you're also helping me to understand my 40-year nightmare better. As a matter of fact, there are times when I'm watching one of your videos (this being one of them), and I find myself gobsmacked at how accurately you described by life with my narc; like you were a fly on the wall. I wished I had had this knowledge so many years ago, along with the strength to do something about it. Thanks again!