8 Manipulation Games Narcissists Will Play With You

[@Zoey-xm9jn]

Sometimes people pretend your a bad person so they don't feel guilty for how they treated you!

[@Mike-xt2lh]

@@tammyw.4779 Hmm hmm 😌

[@jcszot]

Zoey YES!!

[@isabelleparise5607]

I agree so much with you they project. I reject their projections and I keep my power and remain authentic. I notice they only function like if we where an extension of them. Its also looks like they cannot view us equal to equal to them.

[@M_SC]

Sadly that’s a human reflex not just for narcissists

[@treacleangus2748]

My sister spread lies about me to justify her abusive nature towards me

[@bridgettedouglass2765]

They love to bring up ANYTHING you’ve ever done wrong to validate what they’re doing wrong!!!! Even if what you did was years ago, and what they’ve done was yesterday!!!!!

[@kelispell9224]

This right here

[@kanderson8981]

Exactly right Bridgette!

[@jerry1dc]

my narc said I was acting erratically and I said how? he brought up something from six months ago. for today's erratic behaviors...

[@Melanie_Ferrara]

Yup!

[@torque63]

I get the whole list every time we try to discuss anything.

[@meow2u22]

A rule of thumb I learned from dealing with narcissists is that an accusation is really a twisted form of a confession.

[@justmeandmyrucksack]

yes

[@momtosaoirse]

Sue B-- I never looked at it that way but now that you said that and I look back at my ex narc hubby, ugh-- they were confessions. You're so right!!

[@lauravandyken1230]

Sue B I been debating if when I get accused of cheating if that was what you say there twisted way form of admission. This video fits my spouse to a T and so far I have been accused of cheating even tho I never leave home, spouse don’t have a good vehicle of there own so always has my vehicle to go to work and does a lot of other running around with it. They even have gps cause we both have iPhone and the app that allows you to see where we each are. There phone most time has there location turn off so I can’t see. I turn mine off one night one time just to see how fast it would take for them to ask me about it. I said I don’t know why mine was off and said I probably needed to power my phone off and back on, lol guess who now uses that excuse every time I see there location is off when I look to see if there actually at work. I been accused several times of cheating and called a whore cause I spent one night at my brother house just to get away from them and not wanting to fight all night long. There lots of very questionable things my spouse does. I have least to say suspected they have been unfaithful or almost the feeling of there out shopping around for there next potential as I know they can feel I am reclaiming myself and my life and put my foot down.

[@godswarrior1239]

Exactly. We should take notes so we never forget!!

[@authenticgenuineforreal3928]

said Well

[@godisholy7067]

They love it when your miserable and they hate it when you’re content or happy.

[@zoeystarlight613]

YES! if i ever say that i'm goin out with a friend I am the terrible person who abandons her family! IT is so bizarre and abusive.

[@ladennayoung2939]

Yes! I noticed my ex was like that.

[@butterflykisses7280]

Omg that's so true!

[@donaldtaylor1037]

Anytime my ex gf saw me relaxing she would say I never pay attention to her even if I had done cute awesome stuff for her very recently. Her sadness meant I couldn't be happy. She would yell at me for being content.

[@CYndibabI]

omggggggggg exactly sooooooooo true!!!!

[@irmavelazquez654]

He always called me bipolar . 5 years after the divorce , he was diagnosed bipolar . Projection

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Funny how that happens. Dr. C

[@momtosaoirse]

Irma Velazquez my husband did the same and since the divorce, he's been hospitalized twice for bipolar and paranoia. I wish I'd known all this years and years ago.

[@bryanrogers1587]

@@SurvivingNarcissism I need help

[@caritaallen8791]

Mine called me that because i am( which I'm getting help for) but he's DEFINITELY twisted in some form. With the name calling. Etc.

[@kelispell9224]

Mine called me paranoid schizophrenia and he's so like that I tell him EVERYTHING I can't even go for a walk around the block with our kid without him thinking I'm out here being supplied with something he will have this evil smirk on his face if I tell him somebody honked at me it's creepy

[@sharleenwolfe9301]

Ever seen a narc argue with a smile on their face ? My narc so enjoys it.

[@vicbaker8367]

It’s his smirk that’s the “tell”. When I see the smirk I walk away.

[@anneneem]

This comment deserves so much more attention. That's a *big* tell. Normal people don't argue that way.

[@donnabarden4494]

Yes a kind of a smirk and it's horrible.

[@sueworsell4122]

It's almost got a sneer in that smirk...I used to think.."here it comes!"

[@carriered4715]

And see the pure Glee on their face if you start crying.

[@Anondlynn]

They sit and chuckle while you're trying to talk to them or explain yourself.

[@2gooddrifters]

And smirk.

[@TheQueensWish]

They enjoy word combat and that smirk shows it.

[@manjithothi6555]

I still can not forget the smirk. It still makes my blood boil.

[@twopurringcats]

My parents did that. They want a response to build their fragile egos. No response or no emotion and even tempered responses really bothered them. They hated not being able to rile me up. My therapist told me not to explain myself. I used to tell them "I'm entitled to my opinion" over and over until they got sick of harassing me. It works.

[@abseiduk]

After arguing to death, once they are cornered they smirk, like they were never serious.

[@manmanman4825]

They provoke you and set up traps for you and you can not react to their provocations or avoid the traps 99 times but if you make a mistake the 100th time then they got you because you showed them what a "bad" person you really are and always were and they will use it as a justification to further abuse you.

[@kelispell9224]

This statement needs more likes so true

[@michellewall6748]

This!!! Spot on!!!

[@tammyfitzgerald5336]

🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉😂😂😂

[@butterflycomb]

Yes exactly.

[@ByeBye-yx6ym]

Silent treatment and using your emotions against you

[@ByeBye-yx6ym]

Josee Noel - well said

[@Iulia958]

Oh Jesus how I relate with so many comments around here. Apparently the narcs have the same way of “working”

[@Iulia958]

R N yes but when you are blinded and don’t know about it, you think like “if I can talk like this or like this maybe they understand” when you learn about narcissism then you understand - afterwards

[@CDN1975]

I grew up getting the silent treatment but not from a narcissist and it messes with you.

[@BoundariesNOW]

Silent Treatment is the WORST emotional abuse tactic in my opinion.

[@funlovinbloke6266]

Pulling you in, pushing you away. In the beginning you are the greatest person in their life and once the relationship is proceeding the blame shifting starts. You can't do anything right anymore.

[@vicbaker8367]

When I remember dating, I can remember a few little digs. I didn’t understand them at the time, but now I understand they were tests to see how much I would take.

[@ginadiodati1965]

Exactly.

[@kelispell9224]

YES

[@kelispell9224]

Its horrible everything you do you will only get yelled at evem if the house is immaculate and you did everything they wanted they will yell at you for something else about you they hate in themselves or that someone once hated in them

[@heathernewman5272]

Exactly!

[@jenniferirwin82]

They backstab too. They just cause craziness period.

[@emmaleechase613]

@@tff8514 The Narc Harem...

[@Redeemed_30]

LYING AND BEING A LIAR is an integral part of the Narc.

[@mildredobrien517]

@@crisl9079 every word is a lie..and they know you know it too..

[@jengable4888]

Yes !! Instead of taking responsibility for their immature, antagonizing, and criminal behavior, they will LIE, gaslight and deflect it, and say ,"I do not care", "She is crazy" (the farthest from the truth). Meanwhile, pictures, video, documents, and other eye witness testimony speak the ENTIRE truth about what has already happened and continues to transpire !! Narcissist + Psychopath = NARCOPATH !! Thank you for posting this video !

[@fightinglion1387]

This man is magnificent, his knowledge of all areas of narcissism is incredible, And presented And Articulated In A Clear And accurate manner, he’s teaching vital life lessons to all of us.

[@Lexilea68]

2 Timothy 3 King James Version (KJV) 3 This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. 2 For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, 3 Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, 4 Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; 5 Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away. 6 For of this sort are they which creep into houses, and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts, 7 Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.

[@dub1951]

By far the best

[@jeanneeber]

R N He IS excellent & excels on this topic. I’m just confounded at you saying there’s only a few sites on it! There are MANY, many informative YT sites, websites, TED Talks etc out there on Narcissists & Malignant Narcissists.

[@anitacarter8060]

FIGHTING LION 13 ..... Yes I agree… And as they say, knowledge is power! 🤗💪🏻

[@echowalker2153]

He is one of my favorite gurus. I also listen to Quinn Holliday of Assc. Direct. So glad word's getting out. Too many years of wondering why I attract men like this. Don't underestimate that they will destroy you. Many times it's going on on secret. You won't know until your life is in ruins.

[@ewie9347]

Intermittent reinforcement: hot/cold, push/pull... to keep the partner absolutely confused and "addicted" due to dopamine rushes, in short: under control.

[@alonzomosley7]

One minute you are top of the pile next minute you are being abused and a complete loser and you are apologising

[@Miss_Wonderful1]

e wie You're so right! It's odd how the mind works. I've endured that for 24 years and, for some reason, I almost forgot how it felt like (horrible, just a horrible feeling).

[@Aj_470]

Those are pimp tactics. A pimp will have a warm Bath and ibuprofen ready before they beat up there prostitutes... Run fast and far from your pimp. Piece

[@GoogleIsAPieceOfShit2023]

e wie It’s called trauma bonding.

[@GoogleIsAPieceOfShit2023]

Josee Noel Actually once you know their tactics then you realize they’re the pathetic clowns and you can recognize them from a mile away.

[@brendasmith7345]

It took me a full decade to get a grip on what I was dealing with within a marriage. I’m not kidding when I say the craziness nearly killed me in more way than one.

[@kimcanadian9781]

me too Brenda..affected every part of my life and stopped me from getting promotions because my mind was so rattled all the time from the fallout of living with the narc..i became indecisive and had no faith in myself

[@ladennayoung2939]

Yeah I believe it. It took me three years.

[@ladennayoung2939]

I broke up with him. Now he keep trying to say we are friends. I'm like ah no.

[@aditivaidya9603]

Same here... I have lived 13years of miserable life, with zero expectation. Wonder how feeling less I could be for my ownself...

[@mildredobrien517]

Om gosh...I know iv been there still am

[@lucypalsgrove9210]

I was only married one year to this narcissist person. One of his previous wives contacted me. Of course, he proved her right. I am safe now and no contact. Do not walk, run from that.

[@michellevee226]

My narc family have used all of these! When I was a child I would try to defend myself. Eventually I just gave up and started to believe they must just be right. Now I'm waking up. Thank God. They're furious!

[@zoeystarlight613]

me too. i fed into their lies for such a long time. i thought it was me. i thought i was the damaged and terrible one who could never do anything right .they fed me so many lies. It's good that you are "waking up" as you say. stay strong. you need to get the hell away from these animals.

[@michellevee226]

@@zoeystarlight613 Yes, waking up is such a relief! They're losing their power and control over us.

[@maceyjohnson6035]

so glad you are waking up to this! by becoming aware, you can help stop the cycle of narcissism in your own family and be the change that is so desperately needed.

[@jameswelsh20221]

I honestly love your posts and always enjoy reading them in my lonely spare time. I'm so sorry I invaded your privacy, but I'd love to be friends with someone who could share such sensitive post content, which means you're a woman of integrity. I wanted to add you but sending you a friend request without your consent is inappropriate because I'm a public figure and it wouldn't take much either, I'd appreciate it if you send me a friend request now so we can be friends and text better here on KZbin❤

[@chenry1279]

"I know who I am, I know where I'm going...I'm going to be a healthy person...It's not my job to change others. Stay steady and stay on your path." Thank you Dr. C!!

[@tammyfitzgerald5336]

Amen 🙏🏽 ❤🎉

[@user-ey4rc5tu4t]

There MUST be someone at fault, and it’s not their fault.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

So that leaves you...uh, no thanks. Dr. C

[@martyrose]

Dr. Carter, I want to take a minute to say a HUGE thank you. I watch your videos everyday. Tonight, I was watching some of your older videos. Some, I've watched numerous times. Suddenly, it struck how far my comprehension of this disorder has come in almost a year. I owe that all to you. Were it not for you, I'd still be lost in my brain fog, wondering what the heck had happened to me. I now understand clearly what I'm dealing with and am moving just as fast as I can to get away. Thank you! You're providing a service that's invaluable. It truly means more than you know. You are appreciated! P.S. Gus helps too!💜

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks for these encouraging words, Marty! Dr. C

[@2gooddrifters]

Me too. He has saved me. Thank you.

[@martyrose]

@@SurvivingNarcissism 💜😀👍

[@JanieCribbs]

Meee TOOO!!!❤️🔥❤️

[@vicbaker8367]

Me too!

[@Marina-rc7px]

Most of all.. they’ll say something so unreasonable and insane it puts you in a state of shock and confusion as they muddy the waters to try to throw the guilt off themselves

[@CatEyedGoddess]

The worst thing these ppl can ever do is have kids.

[@anitazakarian908]

that is a sad truth

[@janesumthingorother]

Sometimes the kids can break free.

[@anitazakarian908]

@@janesumthingorother YES..mine have!

[@anitazakarian908]

I married it and they get it and are supportive young adults now

[@CatEyedGoddess]

Jane True but a lot of times it’s generational. Like in my case, my great grandmother, grandmother and my mother are all narcs. I didn’t become one because I am super empathetic. I spent my teens and 20s highly depressed, addicted and suicidal. I honestly don’t know how I made it through because I truly just wanted to die. I refuse to have kids because my damage is that deep. It’s like playing Russian roulette with their children and hope it skips a generation. After what I went through I wish my mother had the abortion with me that she always said she regretted not doing.

[@junerittmeyer1794]

For 43 years I put up with this - yes, I was a slow learner and the perfect person for a narcissist to work on!

[@jeanaallison7236]

❤ thank you for reassuring me that i am not going crazy. HE is crazy. Period.

[@anitazakarian908]

you aren't going CRAZY. ... I also, at one time in my life ,felt this way due to a Narc. It's cruel to cause a person mental pain. That is what they love to do. It is so sick. LET ME REASSURE YOU , YOU ARE NOT GOING CRAZY. Everyone that has been in a 'heart relationship' with a NARC feels like they are going CRAZY. This is an indication within to GET AWAY from THOSE TYPES OF PEOPLE! I will never ever let myself be in this type of relationship ever again.....I am running to ' team healthy'

[@bengriffey4610]

Maybe youre both crazy?

[@jeanaallison7236]

@@bengriffey4610 :)

[@emmaleechase613]

They can *present* as being very sane, as well. Don't let it get to you...

[@anitazakarian908]

YOU aren't crazy. These Narcissists love to undermine you and have you doubt yourself. I was all "upside down" within myself being married to one and then dated one. The boyfriend was not as cruel as the husband. The best protection is to LOVE YOURSELF and get an ARMY of good friends. GET BOUNDARIES. These are things I learned the hard way. DR Carter is a blessing and he saved me from giving up on myself. I was wondering what the heck happened. I isolated ..and was exhausted from these experiences. I am getting my life back. I thank the Lord Jesus and I thank him for DR Carter. I am going to keep with momentum I have.

[@anneneem]

The only ones they're manipulating is themselves. So thankful this information is reaching thousands of people and we now know what to call these monsters and anticipate the games they play.

[@preangelamarks8474]

Yes I will never be cunned by one again

[@M_SC]

Amen and the “don’t be armchair psychologists” people are wrong, everyone needs to learn these concepts and be able to identify and label people correctly for their own safety and actually for the benefit of the narcissist themself (though they won’t think so)

[@anneneem]

@@M_SC my nightmare is for narcissists to get a hold of this information and use it against their victims by further blame shifting and in return calling them a narcissist.

[@virginiafonacier8795]

Yes,you're right.

[@greeneyedparadox6609]

@@anneneem has happened to me.... calling me a narcissist because I state my opinions, what I am doing, priorities, issues, and how I feel in a matter of fact way. Sometimes not so gentle.

[@susannay.3437]

The really sad thing is they don't see these games as games. It's infiltrated their psyche so deeply there's absolutely no foothold on which to communicate with them on any meaningful level. I really like what Dr. Carter said once in another video about our inward response to the narcissist: "I release you."

[@darrynreid4500]

Both those with strong narcissistic traits and those with strong borderline traits will incessantly falsely accuse you of being exactly whatever they actually are.

[@dakoderii4221]

Told my family, "Sinners believe they are righteous, and the righteous believe they are sinners." Their necks stiffened and their hearts hardened.

[@marylim1494]

I have just learnt not to start anything with the self righteous. Don't let them take root in us. Thanks for the insight.

[@dakoderii4221]

@@marylim1494 Thanks for the wisdom in return. I must let them be

[@Corinna_Schuett_GER]

@@dakoderii4221 yeah and for BOTH of them there's only 1 way to salvation in Jesus Christ. 😊

[@dakoderii4221]

@@Corinna_Schuett_GER They claim Jesus in name only. They believe their good deeds are key to salvation. "I did this." "I did that." ""I care about people and animals." All while proclaiming their child can do nothing good, even by accident. They also spout some of the most hateful judgment, in error, not based on facts, rapid fire, then squawk JUDGE NOT! "Love thy neighbor as thyself" means "who is my neighbor? My child is not my neighbor. God said to 'Honour thy mother and father'. So all put together I can treat my child however I want and demand they call evil good. Judge not!" Tell your child God will forgive Lucifer(a bold lie) but will not forgive a small child for making just a 99 on their report card, in the name of love, of course.

[@Robidu1973]

Sounds as if that really has struck home. It's like with the pharisees: They are so indulged in their self-righteousness that they don't see their own hypocrisy.

[@Olmonolo1]

Narc alert ! My narc started to hoover 3 months after moving out. Now she wants to come back athough she filed for divorce last year. Narcs are really special kind of crazy.

[@Miss_Wonderful1]

I would put gaslighting and emotional blackmailing at the top of the list. Waiting to know more on this subject. 🤗

[@lollypopnarcy7585]

@@joseenoel8093 🤣😅😂👍

[@Miss_Wonderful1]

@@joseenoel8093 😂

[@greeneyedparadox6609]

@@joseenoel8093 yes, everything is fast paced because they want their needs met regardless of responsibilities and obligation.

[@patwest1925]

Keep it simple. DON'T PLAY.

[@meninacoker5664]

Bravo

[@karahogarty1193]

Always trying to prove I'm worth being treated with at least a little kindness

[@lk8856]

You don't need to prove that! You are worthy.

[@thabomuso6254]

Big hugs to you!

[@jengable4888]

Who are you trying to prove that to ? Your family ? Supervisor ? Roommate ?

[@wds179]

5 mos. In a relationship like this i almost died . Bodily n mentally. Tryed to make me think i was crazy . And i lost so much weight . I had to double up a belt to hold up my pants . Thank GOD GOT ME OUT OF THIS. persons life. Theyll tell you something , you respond and they say , i didnt say that.. Praise Jesus for rescuing me .

[@rosemarybgallet]

I had years of living with this. Separated now almost four years, my God he broke my spirit in the end. Thank God I am happy alone now and too scared to ever have a relationship again. Happy alone and getting a divorce ASAP. Thank you for this amazing talk...

[@terisellers1773]

Rosemary Gallet I feel the exact same way that you do. It’s been 3 years for me and completely broke my spirit. I’m slowly but surely finding my way back to myself. I am scared to death to date . Not sure if I will ever be ready, but for now my focus is on my children and healing.

[@jacquelineombaka9739]

I am really inspired by your talks. For 35years living with a narc until he hit my head with big blows till I bled. This was my turning point. I walked away never to look back. Six months with no contact. Can't wait to divorce him. Your talks are my healing medicines. Keep up out there and save mankind from these monsters

[@christinataylor422]

@@susanlore345 I hope you got away. I finally did and life is really beautiful on the other side. My only regret is not getting away from him sooner.

[@gwendolynwehage6336]

My brother accused me of being angry when I was not but he was! He was accusing me of what he was doing. This was normal practice for my family, I have walked away and have no plans on restoring those relationships. When someone has been like this way for 60 years it's not likely to change. I have experienced this lying all my life until I walked away.

[@zoeystarlight613]

good for you. my family has been like this all of my life as well. i'm trying so hard to find a way out. my body and mind can no longer endure it

[@justmeandmyrucksack]

you are not alone

[@neilmcdougall4927]

@@justmeandmyrucksack always feels good to not be the only one

[@gailrosenberg48]

"Not going to enter your arena. No thank you." That one statement is worth an hour's counselling. Thank you Dr!!!

[@jameswelsh20221]

I honestly love your posts and always enjoy reading them in my lonely spare time. I'm so sorry I invaded your privacy, but I'd love to be friends with someone who could share such sensitive post content, which means you're a woman of integrity. I wanted to add you but sending you a friend request without your consent is inappropriate because I'm a public figure and it wouldn't take much either, I'd appreciate it if you send me a friend request now so we can be friends and text better here on KZbin❤

[@oscarwilliamson1128]

Gail Rosenberg,Hope you are not with a narcissist…..

[@pavla2055]

I've always noticed that they like to bring up old issues to 'demonstrate' how useless ' incompetent etc you are but one reminder of a past transgression by them sends them into rage orbit . Shocking the first few times you see it but a useful tool to use against them sometimes .

[@TheNikki284]

Exactly. She can bring up something I said 12 years ago and shove it in my face, but when I tell her something she said 5 min ago I'm told to "live in the moment" and stop holding grudges. The projection is stunning with these people.

[@anitazakarian908]

YES! they try to make you re- engage with your past failures and shames as if they are forever making you / wishing/ wanting you to feel that you are " UNCLEAN" and " EXEMPT FROM GOODNESS".

[@anitazakarian908]

My ex husband, the Armenia NARC, wanted me to have disdain for my own self. THAT is the truth.

[@bronzegoddessmusic8361]

Exactly anytime I’d mention something he did while he was blaming me he’d literally go insane and say I was being disrespectful

[@anitazakarian908]

I have stopped being shocked by this ..because you are so RIGHT, they do it! Over and Over again..they will 100% do this. They love to repeat areas where you might have screwed up and play it back to you over and over even if it was 3 years ago and since then you have asked for forgiveness and readjusted and now you Do NOT do that. BLAME SHIFTING is what they do. They have to control the narrative.

[@c.1211]

Narcs eventually meet karma. Trust me on this one, ive seen it with my own eyes.

[@neilmcdougall4927]

If there were only some karmic pedals to make it arrive faster...

[@smabner]

I think they are living in constant karma.

[@janesmith1862]

Man... I sure hope you're right... Bc it seems as though the ones in my life always get their way and always come out on top...

[@sharilyon5983]

I've seen the karma happen too. But I never wished it for them or wanted bad things to happen, but was astounded when it did. Yet my life became wonderful. Go figure!

[@lisageneshope5717]

Man alive... I hope so.

[@lovelight2919]

Ever asked someone why they didn’t tell you and their response was... Well you never asked?

[@betsyhood1206]

Mine always says 'I shouldn't have to'

[@joahleffler4903]

@@betsyhood1206 mine too. Like she expects me to read her mind but cusses me out for putting words in her mouth wen i attempt to figure out the issue. I need help shes gonna send me to prison behind a false child abuse accusation.

[@rachelhill3838]

And more... Mine always said to me: "I don't know what you want; I'm not a mind reader... but all you need to do is ask." Well, after many years of not feeling worthy enough to ask, I finally started asking, timidly at first, only for him to ignore me and NOT give me what I asked for, and what he always said he would, "if I only asked." Eventually, as I became more and more indignant/ hurt by his callousness, I became more and more vocal, we argued more and then eventually I separated as a result, after almost 40 years together. He had been lying/ stalling all along. I realize now that he never intended to give me what I wanted, and was counting on my giving nature and lack of self-worth to sustain the dysfunctionally lop-sided relationship. Yuk! Thank you, Dr Carter, for helping us to see that this is no way to live - that a healthy relationship doesn't look like this!!

[@mellowyellowbaby72]

Love & Light I didn’t know I had to give you a blow by blow which was not at all what I was after

[@janesumthingorother]

Yep!

[@georgiasmith9966]

“ Just an observation, ever since we met I’ve noticed you’re not a very nice person. “ Omggg the projection

[@janeflanakin7712]

I can't count how many "lectures" I've listened to entitled "Here's what's wrong with you". It always comes out of nowhere and is vicious and attacking. " Leave and never look back" is great advice.

[@kathleenkrohn5153]

Daily lectures on how I make him feel and what I dont do for him.

[@LyndieLouWho]

Pull you in, push you away, pull you in, push you away...

[@indrilisaholet5876]

This is the EXACT things my narc said to me. They think they’re special but they are not at all. They’re all the same.

[@tiffanysuttle-thrower7031]

Wow so true.. no matter what you do it not good enough..

[@anitazakarian908]

Yes, that sums it up.

[@ebbyc1817]

I think the hardest part for me, or one of the hardest parts (is there, one, hard part?) is believing it's actually happening. Like, gaslighting, when someone does it for the first time, I look at them like I'm looking at a unicorn and think, wow, this, reeeally just happened.

[@janesumthingorother]

Yeah, it's a bit of a shock isn't it. It's still a bit of a shock for me after 10 years. Here's a quick and easy way to tell who's crazy though. it's a bit dangerous sometimes so be careful when executing it. Here it is. can try to keep as calm as possible when executing it. Start asking direct questions in the middle of the blow up, and try to get it recorded clearly. Then with headphones on once you're fully calm down play it back guaranteed you will say many expletives as you play it back some of them out loud some of them in your mind as you realize just what the hell goes on here.

[@carlathedestructor2454]

I think I'm going to save up and buy that thyroid test. I'd be surprised if my thyroid is not wonky after a lifetime of narc abuse.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Know your body! Dr. C

[@zoeystarlight613]

omg! me too! i just went to an endocrinologist last week! i was already diagnosed with an autoimmune disease and it was diagnosed after moving back in with narc parents. migraines, anemia, all kinds of depression and anxiety. so much dysfunction. it will definitely affect your body.

[@zoeystarlight613]

I'm not saying you definitely have a medical issue. i'm just trying to say that yes the stress they cause really affects one's health so please go and get your thyroid checked and try taking good care of yourself. stay strong.

[@Chahlie]

I had a thyroid test once and it came back okay, but when I started taking kelp I went back to 'normal'. This was years ago and testing may be different now. I had weight gain, red swollen skin, hair loss, no fingernails (broke off). Good luck.

[@jessicaf7236]

I was with a narc for 9yrs. 3yrs after escaping him I was diagnosed with graves disease.

[@melanytodd2929]

I am able to do conflict, rationality... I CANNOT play these mind games!!! I can't !!!

[@bionikc]

My fav is, when you say let's talk about your behavior, they say "You never take the blame for anything and you say everything is my fault." When you say let's talk about my behavior, they say "You always make everything all about you." lol

[@christinabolt1226]

I just separated from my husband two weeks ago. This literally happened every single time I tried to have a conversation with him to the point I had to record conversations because I got so confused and he would say he never said the things he actually said. This hit me in the gut.

[@gumpgump5288]

This is the mess that government does for separation when people actually do treat you the way a person says they are being treated and, these other people are allowed to cross boundaries with videos like this when all boundaries have been crossed!!!

[@JanieCribbs]

“I’m Not going to enter into your arena...NO THANK YOU “ ❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️

[@private755]

My ex narc’s ex started stalking me after our divorce was announced. She was calling me a f*ck tard, arrogant, pretentious, and more. And I’m just like.. ? I never had a conversation with you before? Lol they cluster in little groups. It’s disturbing annoying and exhausting.

[@Lawton1111]

71 mins to go! I need this today the covert narc is under my skin. Trying hard to stay no contact but it's heart breaking and frustrating all at the same time. I never knew it was possible to completely hate the one man you ever truely loved. I could just cry I hate it. And him for ghosting me. But I'm trying not to buckle. 😥

[@debraanchante3661]

Lawton if he loved you he wouldn’t hurt you., he wouldn’t ghost you, He doesn’t love you.. my narc doesn’t love me either.. the pain comes from disappointment that you feel from having that dream of a loving happy life destroyed... but it never was real.. we were duped.. duped duped duped.. hang on to your self respect. You deserve to be treated better

[@shannonrobillard5174]

Stay strong!!

[@deb2319]

Focus on the prize, YOU are the prize, you deserve to be treated with love and kindness, remember that.

[@Lawton1111]

@@debraanchante3661 hey! Thank you and yep your absolutely right. But after 9 years nearly ten...It's I bitter pill to swallow. He went from a modest earthy spiritual man who was so wonderful. We were very much in love. Friends and lovers . We would be silly and just be daft. Then we started having issues. Normally we would pull through stuff life throws but not the last time. He gave up and explained it got too much. Which I just couldn't understand. It was like something took over the side I was in love with and replaced him with a generic version. Who became arrogant, selfish, self centred and someone I didn't know it as horrible. Proper mind f*ck. He forgot how to talk with me. Ut felt like he forgot who I was to him. Then the covert narc appeared. He still loves me but just plays with me. We've been separated for a year but still have a buzz between us. It's confusing. I hate him. But completely adore who he was. I miss that man. Not the one who is in his place now tho.....

[@Aj_470]

@@Lawton1111 you love the carrot not the man holding the string in front of you... Piece

[@lalinera8279]

Just listening about this make me anxious. I currently have someone in the friends group that is a narcissist. How can a person waste so much energy in negativity? I feel for her husband, I feel for her kids. I wish there was a magical way I could save them.

[@MsFunkyflea]

Always wondered if they know they are playing these games or does it come natural because they have no relationship skills ...

[@Robidu1973]

I dare say that narcissists know perfectly that they are playing this kind of games. There's no other means for them to keep people from seeing their own true self that they are so desperate to hide, however, they don't seem to realize that people are eventually going to notice.

[@marym.h2533]

@@Robidu1973 yes, and we notice also thru non-verbal language. I notice that a lot, specially with one of my brothers.

[@marym.h2533]

@@joseenoel8093 lol!!!

[@angelahazel9249]

My ex used to always say, “Come on play the game!” They know!

[@constancebarrett1398]

The word salad game to create confusion. Shot my narcissist will completely go up a different tree. I used to think they had add and couldn't focus on what was being talked about. Naw they are deflecting.

[@lisbethbird8268]

Ha.Ha. It could be both! I have experienced this many times. They also get a payoff from your confusion and frustration. And then once you're thoroughly exhausted with all the garbage coming out of their mouth, they might just double down and dig in for the kill.

[@micheleagren1604]

I thought the same Constance, then I would excuse him for not having the ability to communicate very effectively, until our counselor called him on it. Then I would overhear him and he was very eloquent and his punctuation skills were spot, 😐😒

[@nicky1259]

A few days after he ghosted me, I received this message: 'Why don't you write me anymore?'. As if it was me who didn't answer him. This gaslighting hurts so much.

[@PotterSpurn1]

Don't play their games. The best way to get revenge is to not look back and to look forward to a life without them. To be happy, they are dependent on your reactions, for you to be happy, you are not dependent on them to provide reasons for you to react. Remember that!

[@growtgt]

@@PotterSpurn1 what if ik i can win?i know what they do perfeclty and i play along all the time, their ego is so high they dont realize that im the one controlling the game..is that unhealthy?what should i do?

[@hikerhobby1204]

I understand! Mine used to write, “Hello stranger.” Hum, it’s always my responsibility to reach out?

[@Shad0wC0mpany2]

She did this to me...a lot! Indifference is the only way out.

[@nondenominationalspiritual8285]

@@growtgt because even if you win they will convince themselves they won. Like he said the best way to win is not play

[@z32luvr]

Everything is a game and they hate to lose.

[@TheJennyg76]

I couldn’t get through one day without coming to watch your videos to help me deal with my husband and not feel crazy

[@emmaleechase613]

Breadcrumbing, future faking and down-managing expectations are some other manipulation games.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Yep. The list goes on. Dr. C

[@anitacarter8060]

The “ Word 🥗 salad” game.... they will never give you a straight answer… 😂

[@tamannatazz5800]

What is salad word

[@anitazakarian908]

and Anita, I loved my ex husband so deeply that I was willing to be the one that stayed and took on the self refection and tried to fix and adjust.. but all that crazy non- collabrative word salad communication..back then it caused so much anxiety within me at that time because I wanted to connect..make it good.. understand eachother..learn and grow. HE OBVIOUSLY is a NARC and CAN NOT

[@janesumthingorother]

They don't have a straight answer, it's not within em.

[@somerealshit]

Omg! They Never do! Its So true. You ask them a simple question and youll sit there for hours trying to get an answer.

[@daughterofsekhmet81]

Woooowww.... my ex literally shouted "how dare you!" at me when I said I didn't trust him anymore after catching him cheating.

[@laurapurdy1940]

Even worse is when they tell you what you saw is NOT what you saw...they tell everyone that you are “seeing” things that weren’t there, even your doctors and family; trying to show that you are “crazy”.

[@jameswelsh20221]

I honestly love your posts and always enjoy reading them in my lonely spare time. I'm so sorry I invaded your privacy, but I'd love to be friends with someone who could share such sensitive post content, which means you're a woman of integrity. I wanted to add you but sending you a friend request without your consent is inappropriate because I'm a public figure and it wouldn't take much either, I'd appreciate it if you send me a friend request now so we can be friends and text better here on KZbin❤

[@angelawade1445]

Keep'um com'in. Each one is helping me become the person I always thought I was.

[@tammyfitzgerald5336]

🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉😂😂😂❤❤

[@MarlanWarren]

Yep. Trying to prove myself in the storm of his criticism and blame was a losing game.

[@peaceofmindofpeace1650]

Yes they trigger you to prove and defend yourself. Human reaction to protect ourselves against their character assassination which is very painful and bringing despair. But if you address one thing they are doing they will be mad at you for blaming them. Meanwhile they take the freedom to accuse you of what they are doing. It's almost impossible to stop that defensive reaction while you're still in one room with them. That right there is the emotional abuse and the only way is to escape the physical and mental presence. When I was not yet aware of my human right to call it abuse I was simply trying to make it up, figuring it out, explain myself, saying sorry where the other party never took account for their part. They don't do conversations. They just spit their judgments and definitive statements to protect their controlling reality and how they think you function. I guess I treated it like any relation, thinking it was about an argument but the nature was much more extreme and very upsetting. One of both parties need to go if a narcissist is involved bc light can not unite with evil darkness and visa versa. They need to be separated from eachother one way or the other or the bad weed will sophicate the plant. An invisible law will eventually create distance otherwise our body and mind will give up gradually. It's like swimming in the opposite direction of the stream of life. The only good thing could be that we become strongly muscled from swimming against the flow and won't put up with these opposite forces anymore 🤨🤔

[@zoeystarlight613]

That is the story of my life. It is exhausting .

[@MarlanWarren]

@@peaceofmindofpeace1650 Well said! Too long for a tattoo, so I will memorize. Thank you!

[@peaceofmindofpeace1650]

@@MarlanWarren haha 😊🌹

[@Potencyfunction]

They are like leeches. How can they live in that way, with force near people? They dont even realize how toxic and unwanted they are .

[@amac2573]

I am in turmoil after having to deal with a couple of them. Lots of people are afraid of what their futures may be at the moment including me. However I just want to say thanks to all the people out there who make the current situation just a bit easier to handle with their kindness and generosity! Good Luck! Hope you all stay well and safe.

[@eec526]

They make you feel like it's them and noone else... Your not Lone I have removed my rose colored glasses and seen the lite

[@anitazakarian908]

if anyone needs a friend... I am here for you! You can get through this. TRUST IN YOU!

[@blthetube1]

You painted a perfect representation of my brother. He needs to win and be right ALL THE TIME and will use every demoralizing and destabilizing technique under the sun to shift an awkward situation that he created onto you so that it is up to you to take the blame for it. It's psychological warfare because he knows it means more to you to maintain a civil relationship

[@dianahoward2717]

Sounds like the way we are treated in court.

[@Amynah007]

I finally understand word salad! I get into arguments with family about the details of the event, "The car was fucshia not pink!" Rather than the car cut me off!

[@rebeccablakey2637]

What you did discussed described is exactly what my family is going through with a narcissist and a flying monkey at this very moment. So sad and extremely tragic that people choose to behave this way. Now we are completely aware of this person behavior and what to do when debating with them.

[@lolabbk]

This was really hard to listen to. A few months ago, I left an abusive relationship and got a restraining order after a few ugly situations back to back. In the relationship, I was so manipulated and confused, I really didn't know what was real or who I was, but I knew I trusted him while he was turning me against everyone else. He did every single one of these things to me, and I've never been able to describe him and how he talked to me and controlled me. Some people I'm close to blame me for being in the relationship, even though I was being so manipulated and abused. I'm so glad I know who he was now. I wish I knew sooner so I could understand what he was doing to me and why. Thanks for making this. Even though it gave me a few flashbacks, I'm glad I know now.

[@eec526]

Thanks for. Sharing

[@jackpaterson8556]

Ghisting is an other way if their nanioukation.Ive been with 1 who ghosted ne every 10 days,I didnt kniiw where he was,he just completely disapeared!

[@lovelysosweet8386]

They fast talk you too! Excellent!!!

[@Singleredrose]

It has taken me over 20 years to understand why I’ve felt so miserable, why I have problems with low self esteem, anxiety and depression.

[@sahdogwrangler5594]

I showed this video to my adult son who lives at home with my husband & I. He said, it's like Dr. Carter has lived with us & knows his Dad to a tee!! As the Dr went through his points, I could give a recent example plus many, many others of my husband doing these very same things!! Thank you for making these videos Dr. Carter!!

[@2gooddrifters]

Broad statements. He started an argument about rice. Blaming me for not having any in the house. ( I found it later). It then turned into a wild hypothesis about my father's effect on me. Very upsetting but made me realise how helpful this channel is. We had the same argument a week earlier about biscuits. I managed to tape this one. It upsets me to listen to it but it's evidence for me that I'm not imagining all this.

[@wisecoconut5]

My ex would do this. I would be minding my own business, cooking dinner, cleaning, whatever and he would ask me a seemingly innocuous question. I would answer the question and he would ask another which I would also answer. Then he would ask some odd question out of the blue. I am on alert now and answer carefully, but no answer is the right one so your stress levels are going up and you feel cornered. Then comes "So what is this? The Saturday night fight now?" . You are not imaging things.

[@user-ob1hc3bi9x]

My dad argued about the price of bread which turned into me being a filthy parasite of a dirty loser who never achieved anything in her fifteen years of life. Yeah. He shrieked his head off at me for an hour about bread when I was in 10th grade and locked in a moving car with him. Insane.

[@gobigirl1]

@@user-ob1hc3bi9x I hope you are able to minimize your contact with him now. Being around a raging person is awful, but that goes triple for being trapped in a car with them.

[@bobchemist]

Until my wife went into a facility 10 days ago, I experienced ALL of these things. I thank my therapist for helping and these videos for giving me strength for when she might be released.

[@rescand2]

They hate it when you expose them in the middle of the triangulation game. lol

[@Robidu1973]

Exactly. Because they know that their game is up and they have a much harder time now pulling off their manipulations.

[@theadventuresofemily_]

They hate it when you expose them period lol.

[@TheTabbym]

Wow! This hit home by describing my ex to a tee. I went through all that in a short marriage that lasted less than 6months which felt like 6yrs from the depression, confusion, anxiety and everything I had to go through. I had no idea what it was then but it felt exhausting. Am so glad i walked away coz it was never to change

[@rightnow5839]

🙏 Great Solid true information .👍🏻 Dr. Carter. Great video. Enormously helpful . 💗 ☮️

[@timsieben1598]

This is brilliant 4:03 "The word salad game" 🍅😂 Yesterday I got such an incoming confusing phone call, this video made my day 👌

[@malikak9384]

Thank you so much, your video made me cry 😭this is exactly what I am going through now

[@tammyfitzgerald5336]

❤❤❤❤

[@kikyaaakun]

Yea been there, all of them. I went no contact for 3weeks now. Even his hoovers were still doing the blame-shifting shit. Don’t waste your time and life people, just run away from them:(

[@rosietheriveter1]

I really enjoyed this video and would like to add that narcissists are able to manipulate other people's emotions because they first gain their trust. When you first meet a narcissist, they will pretend to be exactly the person that you want them to be. Once they have gained your trust, that's when the mind games start which, eventually leads to the emotional abuse.

[@arreola891]

Your channel has helped me to deal with the narcissist in my life. I have so much peace now when I'm around this person. I know that their subtle insults are not about me but about their own insecurities. I almost feel sorry for my narcissist now.

[@ivatennant4363]

thank you so so much. You are the best and have helped me so much to end a 2 year relationship and this is between two people who are in the 70's. I thought I found the love of my life but got sucked into these games. Now I am free and your videos are so helping me to become healthy and not second guess myself. Your description is as is you studied him and wrote a personal letter to me about him. THANKS

[@davidbundgaard]

This is the most accurate description of how a narc works and I’ve experienced it, realize the person in front of you is not good for you and get away, my experience with the projection game was I always felt bad and now when I’m out of it I don’t have that feeling at all. It’s amazing enjoying life and finding life is more than being under a narcs control.

[@JB---]

Wow, at least 3 of the examples given are phrases or sentences I've had said to me, word-for-word.

[@deniseosborne62]

I just want to let you know that your information helped open my eyes to the situation I was in. I was married for 29 years and living every day in chaos and confusion. I've been free for 8 months and feeling more whole. Thank you, Dr.

[@patriciashields9596]

YOU are so right, what can you do!!

[@michaeln5078]

I saw all of this happening for years - I just didn’t realize or understand that all of it was under the umbrella of narcissism. I wish I had figured it out before but better late than never. When I first started watching these videos, I actually had to stop for a while because it was so spot-on. Every video I wind up saying “oh my God I cannot believe this” - how much it epitomizes (sadly) more than one member of my husband’s family.

[@johnbrennan4987]

This video made me realize my biggest life issue. With that being said it also gave me the answer. Thank you so much.

[@gwendolynbien-aime1536]

I find great comfort in my go-to song in dealing with my narcissistic husband-“I Don’t Care Anymore” by Phil Collins; expresses my feelings exactly.

[@cteinc.4571]

Right on, Dr Carter! Narcissists absolutely HATE your videos lol but we love them. I know that you have never suggested this, but I have weaponized them lol. Meaning, I text them to the narcissists - within and around my family. Sorry but us empaths have to learn to stand up and fight back in a non-violent and no-contact manner.

[@Zoey-xm9jn]

Wherever you go, whatever your going through, always know God is right there with you. Don't you see he loves us unconditionally, We all go through alot of things, but look at all the love God brings, even when you don't know what to do, give it to God because he will always love you, when life seems so unfair, that's when you say a prayer, yes he does care, but it's in his time not ours when he answers your prayer!!

[@preangelamarks8474]

Thank you so much this really helped me

[@ewie9347]

If only I felt that too. I'm aware how helpful and uplifting faith in God is, but at the moment, he seems to be so absent :-(

[@ewie9347]

@Angel Bulldog How do you know?

[@Zoey-xm9jn]

@@preangelamarks8474 Thank you for thanking me. I'm happy it helped. Of course God gets all the glory of what I texted as you already know!! Thank you for texting me!

[@Zoey-xm9jn]

@@ewie9347 Please listen on Utube .....mix/ Dolly Parton/Zack Williams in concert singing.. There was Jesus... also song called... God only knows! Also the Christian group called Mercy Me singing...Almost Home plus song called Beautiful also song called Flawless!! Helps me always!! .

[@ezinnaelliott529]

Thank you so much. I like how you broke it down, to help us all understand. And for the people who gave this video a thumbs down are narcissists! You're just angry cause you're finally exposed now.

[@elizabethfreer1948]

Thank you for all the “sense” you made out of the senseless insanity! you are truly a gift to those of us who had to work hard to unscramble the scrambled!

[@ashleyrizzo2177]

There are not words to adequately thank you for putting this information out to the public. I have been in a 15 year relationship that has left me feeling totally upsidedown. I've watched several of your videos and cannot stop crying both from relief and horror, as my partner checks every box. The examples you give are *word for word* what have been yelled at me for over a decade. The actions you describe are *exactly* what has been happening over and over; the more I try to point them out and communicate in an attempt to save what I thought was a normal relationship, the more I get met with all the manipulation- and the cycle repeats, for 15 years. Having this information is helping me see my relationship for what it is. I'm heartbroken, but I am so grateful to you.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks for your encouraging words, Ashley, and I wish for you peace as you make the necessary adjustments. Dr. C