A Narcissist's Top 10 Gaslighting Comments

[@jcnlaw]

As a divorce lawyer, I see horrible gaslighters in so many cases. Pro tip: if you get a whiff of narcissistic personality disorder traits, DO NOT MARRY. RUN. FAST. You will save your sanity, resources, and a trip to my office. Stay safe out there!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

So true...Good to hear from you again, Jonathan!

[@karlachancellor4072]

My attorney warned me I might not get back much of the money that I brought to our short 3 yr marriage. My ex very freely spent 2/3 of the cash from the sale of my condo. His first move was to take me to court to get an order for me to continue paying his and his son’s health insurance. Also in the order the judge said we could not sell anything. 3 months later my ex sold his house the day it went on the market. Big mistake. I had control then. I made him pay back the money he spent of mine. He raged at me and my devious lawyer. I want to tell my ex it was all me and I made every decision to stop him in his tracks. He had to pay me back from the proceeds of the sale of his house. It was a glorious, satisfying, coup. I got lucky. My narc ex screwed up but blamed me and my lawyer. He can never admit he made a mistake.

[@candacetharp9717]

I very recently became the ex fiancé of a passive aggressive narcissist attorney. There isn’t much left of me.

[@laurafeher9694]

​@@candacetharp9717 Remain STRONG ❤

[@fireupyourheartfortruth]

@@candacetharp9717 Sorry Candace. That is not the fun phase of escaping. It will pass, if you have spiritual faith of sorts lean into that if possible. But we are all different. I had to lean into my spiritual side more. Or not sure I would be here right now:)

[@krisztina442]

'You are overthinking things.' and 'You are too sensitive!' are my two favourites... Sometimes when they play their games but I don't want to engage in conversations, they ask a question with innocent face: 'You have a bad day today, don't you?'. According to them the problem is my 'bad day' and not their stupid show.

[@observationsincars5083]

You're overthinking things, translation: stop noticing my tricks and schemes!

[@mariaawake4502]

Yes, the condescending attitude is so infuriating to me also.

[@francesbernard2445]

Thank you for sharing! Unbelievable how many people, while they are only wondering to themselves what is in it for me, are like that towards anyone who is going through a rough time.

[@bodaciousbethany0]

With decisions. They'll rush us. But can take long as they feel like to decide.

[@childofchrist7625]

Spot on💯

[@tinabina8371]

A big gaslighting phrase from the narcissist in my life was “So and so agrees with me. They think you’re negative and mean.” They tried to reinforce that other people were on their side to prove I was the problem, even though the narc was the issue.

[@kkheflin3]

The "other people" are generally "flying monkeys" whom the narcissist has fooled also!

[@cheryldee95]

Oh yes…the “You’re so negative” comment. Their fast way to make you think YOU are the problem, simply because you are questioning something they did, or expect you to do…that you are not jumping to comply with. My ex narc also told me many stories about how so-and-so (supposedly) said something (to him) to make me think OTHERS were the ones extending the negative comments…to make me believe ‘everyone’ felt I was falling short, not just the narc. But, if you questioned so-and-so later, about what the narc claimed they had said, they would be shocked and deny saying anything of the sort. This pattern became evident after several trying years with this manipulative man-child, and once you see it…you can’t unsee it. Knowledge is power. Thankfully he is someone else’s problem now. God help her.

[@nicolamills8003]

Everyone else thinks I'm great, but you. Lol

[@tinabina8371]

@@nicolamills8003 exactly!

[@tinabina8371]

@@kkheflin3 yep, and this narc has a few of them.

[@jennybonker3425]

"I'm so tired of hearing what a bad person I am."when trying to deal with issues

[@blessed7927]

You’re not alone, ❤️

[@mmommo-hx4dx]

heard it over and over and over....I have. good heart blah blah blah

[@solidstate9451]

I'm responsible for everything you did wrong, yeah yeah...

[@dootscoot1444]

Oh boy my ex female always used this one Or I’ll do whatever it takes to make you happy and I don’t know how to make u happy Yet I kept telling her how simple it was to make me happy Yet she always would say I’m not happy because I can’t make u happy.

[@mamabear3778]

My husband would go further with the comment; "when did I ever say this?" He wanted the exact date, exact time, and exact wording. If I couldn't give it, it never happened in his mind.

[@DarkBayTB]

Oh my gosh! My Nex used to demand an example when I would try to calmly talk to him about his hurtful behavior. “You can’t come up with one example?!” “When, where, how, did I say this?!” “Well you’re just making it up because you can’t provide an example”. AND if I can come up with an example, he argued endlessly about what really happened and I’m trying to create a problem. Lose-Lose for me constantly. So I’d stop saying anything, that was his goal.

[@ebony41441]

I started recording mine and when I played it for him, he blew up and said I set him up. Deny deny, act dumb, blame shift. Phew!!

[@RKX_Errant]

A narcissist's repretoire of gaslighting is mindbending! Throw in some hypocrisy as well.

[@bodaciousbethany0]

I can finally make my decision on actions myself. My narc mother, if I thought someone was being nice. She'd say they were being rude. & Vice versa. I'd be so confused! 😕 I didn't know about gas lighting until long after she passed away. She was an expert at gas lighting.

[@RKX_Errant]

@@bodaciousbethany0 I can identify with your statement. I also did not realize my mother was a narcissist until long after her death. I did grow to see her as an extremely selfish person to diabolical degrees. I had to contend with her character assassination of me long after death. In some ways I still deal with it. Knowing the truth gives one the stamina to endure and move on. Hang in there!

[@bodaciousbethany0]

@@RKX_Errant & your mother was narcissistic as well? We all should have known each other 20 years ago. 🤍 Amazing. Learning about narcissism, I'm in a much better place now. You continue to heal as well.

[@blessed7927]

And bigotry to boot 🥾

[@jengable4888]

Yes !!

[@ShaylaLove21]

Yes the sigh, and the eyeroll. ….then l get this when l am in mid flow of speaking ..”changing the subject completely…”..says the narc in my life. Anyone else also get the silence as well? You say something and they start looking at their computer or phone and go silent . So twisted my mom does that ALL the time .

[@alysiahite7086]

#2-"Who told you that?" Another implication that I felt was that I wasn't smart enough to think of it myself. 🙄

[@TheFrogmaster7]

My husband, aka the narcissist, always turns everything around and blames me for what he’s saying and doing. He’s like a child.

[@ArP_MoDE]

Acctualy some serious studying point out just that: a child ego. They are quiet stupid in most of the time the only problem is the eventual and terrifying coincidence of one of those into some sort of power to subject adults to their retard thinking. It would be quite simple to get rid of the most of human desgrace just locating and avoiding them onto power. Holywood created the mith of their higher inteligence. No not at all.

[@joyceconnolly1065]

Thefrogmaster . . . you might want to decide if you want to stay in the marriage because, according to research, he will never change. My best to you. 💗

[@justchilling4816]

@@joyceconnolly1065 what research, you got any sources?

[@0blivvy8]

Narcissists have many tactics they use to break us down while inflating their ego. One is blame-shifting and another, that you described, is called projection. Joyce is correct that narcissists don't change. There is a slight possibility, but only when they realize they have an issue, put in lots of effort to change, and time with therapists. Most narcs will never admit there's any issue with them, are unable to self-reflect, and lack empathy, so don't hold your breath.

[@mr.makedonija2627]

​@@justchilling4816 wow smh

[@sanesociety75]

007nadineL's list below is perfect : 1. I was just joking. 2. You're too sensitive. 3.That's not what I said. 4. That didn't happen. 5. You're imagining things. 6. You're okay, you're not hurt, stop crying.

[@jeanettedellicarpini5616]

Oh the no 1 and 2 is his favorite 3and 4 follow close behind. 5 for me is I have no sense of humor. Last for me is total ignore is that I’m crying

[@sgtmuffinbadger6147]

She said all of these lol. They all have the same tactics

[@knit1purl1]

I owned a house as a single female. I had harassing neighbors. They literally told me "we're afraid of you" when they were harassing me. I had no idea at the time that this was gaslighting to the max. I had every reason to be afraid of them and I was. It's amazing how twisted some people are.

[@alimccreery755]

I have heard so much of that in the work place after the person used micro aggressions on me . It used to confuse me but then I realized what was happening.

[@RS54321]

Wow, that's sick.

[@NessaCat444]

They are getting easier to spot before they sink their teeth into you. All of these examples have been spot on.

[@dpar9891]

I literally have to pause this because its actually making me ill. I'm recently separated from my wife and after taking a few steps back I now see her for her true colors. She was a narcissist for our entire marriage. I'm so happy I found this channel to make myself stop thinking I'm crazy. But the realization that I was in this for 14 years and did not know its a hard pill to swallow. I'm glad im out as hard as it is right now. But I know after some healing and time I will be fine and a better person.

[@CBHarvey]

12 years here. Thankfully, I’ve been in a healthy relationship for 17 years now, with an honest, non-manipulative woman. It’s good, but it’s not too good to be true. So. You got to see the Demon up close for 14 years. No way to make sense of it at the time. Only after, and only with wisdom like you’ve found available here at Team Healthy and elsewhere can one recover from such a life suck. You can’t unsee them from a mile away now. There are so many warning flags you may have seen before, but never fully appreciated. Whether they want to be your life partner, your business partner, or your President, they have one simple, screaming commonality. They are too good to be true.

[@sl6066]

Good for you and wishing you the best. My husband went through this exact same process - was with his ex for over 20 years, trying to make things work in a hopeless situation. He also only realized she was a narcissist after seeing these and some other videos on the topic. You're right, it is a bitter pill to feel you spent so much time and emotional energy in a no win relationship. But you are also right that you have a more positive future ahead.

[@marcwesley3645]

I feel you bro! I am in the process of getting out of a Marc relationship married and together 20 yrs. Looking back it was bad from the start. I made excuses, I feel like a fool for not seeing it earlier. This channel is the best at easy to understand. It's like this Dr can read my mind and been spying through our windows for the last decade! It's not you it's her. Tough pill to swallow as you said. I thought I was going crazy! Best of luck everyday is a battle but I feel also it will get better, in some ways it already has.

[@milwaukeelateef6434]

I’m LITERALLY going through the exact same thing right now!!! I’m a single full-time father of two children and I’ve been with this girl for 5 1/2 years but for the last seven months she hasn’t seen my children but she wants me to get her pregnant and get married and she said she’ll show me that she could be a mom when she has children with me because my son’s aren’t hers

[@MeredithWaters]

Me too. I am getting ill thinking about it. It's horrible to think what has happened.

[@LoonyYunie]

How about when they accuse you of "blatant gaslighting" even though you're silent and they're throwing word salad at you and just being all out confusing and nonsensical.

[@js6546]

'You're friends don't know what you're really like.' Classic projection! I didn't know what he was really like, what he was capable of, how destructive he would be.

[@christinalw19]

“Your” ”You’re” is a contraction for “ You are.” “You’re gaslighting me.” “Your” shows possession.: “Your house, your car.”

[@KoolT]

Yes yes. So happy people understand this

[@rabbit0664]

My NMom told me that on e when I put my foot down. People will automatically think I'm such a bad person because I'm tired of getting run over.

[@solidstate9451]

Oh my god! 💯 my mother!

[@solidstate9451]

When your boyfriend knows you better he will leave you for somebody better!

[@istateyourname4710]

'You're too sensitive' must be a contender. I heard that ad nauseum.🤢

[@susannakotoff7095]

or your projecting

[@istateyourname4710]

@@susannakotoff7095 LOL. You must be ignorant to the schemes of a Narcissist, Sweet cheeks.

[@francesbernard2445]

A similar kind of line: "That's life and its time as an adult you faced up to the way life is so sit down too and watch the screen with the rest of us" While small children are in the house too.

[@xyaeiounn]

Especially crazy-making when it comes from someone who is exactly that all the time.

[@Theshadythrifter]

My ex and I were on and off for three years and whenever I would say that I'm tired of the breakups he would say "we were never in a relationship". Then he would always deny that he told me things that he actually did. these people are so exhausting. I think this is a much deeper mental issue that science want to believe. these people are SICK

[@markuspietari]

I saw a girl I thought I was dating last Friday and I heard we haven’t had anything in the past six months. She didn’t want to hear anything I wanted to say. I couldn’t think of anything but blocking her communication, I was so hurt. The problem is she has my keys and owes me a lot of money, but yeah.

[@raineliawylde1197]

I am treated as if l am a puppet. I h

[@ro7547]

I asked someone if he knew that he could could tell me anything, and his comment was, “You’re overthinking again.” Overthinking about being there for someone???????????

[@gojiberry7201]

The one I always got was a flat-out lie: "No, I would NEVER do that to you." Which as a kid made me question whether said incident actually happened

[@raydawson6996]

I wish I had body cam on sometimes so see my sister for what she is. Pure evil...

[@gojiberry7201]

@@raydawson6996 I'm sorry to hear that, hope things go better for you 🤞

[@bonniea.1941]

Same. 😞

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

I was accused of making up the verbal sexual abuse by the abuser to me. He took no blame. He dumped it on me. He's full of manure!

[@davidparker5439]

It's like you have said before , you're just going round in circles, and get no were

[@observationsincars5083]

Regardless of what gaslighting words they choose, it's meaning and intent is always the same. It's a denial of their words and acts on their behalf 100% of the time.

[@alaysiakayebutler6299]

It's lying. With a twist, but denying is lying

[@chibaby800]

Omgggg. My nex initiated lunch so we could talk about the "problem" , acted all nice and fun knowing fully well he was about to ghost me. I don't know what all that was for.

[@betiii3044]

When they say/do something and then later denies it saying it never happened and that you are crazy and sensitive, or that it was just a joke. Then tries to shift the blame over to you on something you did years ago that has nothing to do with the matter at all so you get all confused and try to explain yourself so the focus is away from them. I’ve taken this bait too many times, but now I’ve learned my lesson. I’m writing down everything to keep sane, avoid confusion in my own mind, and get an overview to understand that kind of destructive behavior.

[@lilypacastsupper8922]

I write a lot of things down as well. It really helps.

[@jengable4888]

Yes !!

[@jengable4888]

@@lilypacastsupper8922 I agree !!

[@pollytheparrot8929]

Soo true and sad😟❤🙏

[@jeannined7532]

What's wrong with you? is another favorite. And my personal favorite is never thanking you for gifts.

[@graveyardghost2603]

My sister insults me then says "you cant take criticism!" She also rolls her eyes if I say something she disagrees with. I feel the urge to slap her.

[@susannakotoff7095]

she s instigating, I bet u don t treat her that way

[@graveyardghost2603]

@@susannakotoff7095 you are right Susanna, I dont treat ANYONE that way.

[@patriciaalbertson5183]

Yeah...not nice. I have a problem sister too. She's very cruel and uses informatiin to hurt people. . Years ago, I.decided not to tell her anything. And she makes condemning cracks about me being " Secretive". I say...protective! Haven't seen her in years...Amen PTL

[@BuninaMillion]

Mine does the eye rolling too. I don't even bother engaging now with her. She also has me blocked on social media. Done feeding her negative way of looking at our relationship. Taking a break for my mental health from her in general.

[@Dependencycourtsellschildren]

Sounds like both of my parents.

[@Jokaanan]

My previous roommate said all of this. She also had issues around gratitude. I would thank her for major contributions to housework, but she never thanked me. Whenever I thanked her, I noticed she tended to make some kind of inappropriate demand or complaint the next day. She interpreted "thank you" as an opportunity for a power grab! Someone who sees gratitude as weakness is not a good person to have in your life.

[@ShaylaLove21]

You tell them your child got an medal at school, they respond with “wasn’t everyone getting medals”?

[@jonathancasavant7541]

It’s terrible to feel guilty for having needs and wants and being expected to apologize for it

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

It is so infuriating to be blamed by the narcissist, for the trouble he is causing the survivor.

[@joecoastie99]

I struggled through high school. I studied my ass off for a test and got a B+ which is was very proud of. Showed it to my old man. He said “why didn’t you get an A?”. Good times

[@VlogsbyARE]

"You need to relax" he says when I make a solid point in the discussion.

[@kathleenbristol6747]

Another statement my narc husband says is sorry you feel that way

[@roseisrose8154]

@Kathleen Bristol. My husband doesn’t apologize and when he does it’s that exact sentence, “I’m sorry you feel that way”. I thought that was his own made up version of the non-apology apology. I’ve responded with” you don’t need to apologize for me having a reactive emotion to your hurtful words/actions” - and his mind can’t think beyond that. His other favorite is the “we’ll talk later” - because something or someone is always more important at the moment than what I’m concerned about. Later never comes, of course. It’s incredible how these traits and phrases can be -across the board- so similar from narc to narc. And, the damage to their victims so painfully similar as well.

[@nancymurphy6483]

In 15 years, the closest he ever got to an apology was the phrase “I’m sorry you see it that way. “ He did give me a wonderful compliment, though. He said I had good posture!

[@nervotica7991]

Your comment isn't clear - did you deserve an apology and if so, what for?

[@nancymurphy6483]

@@nervotica7991 Maybe for the time he split my lip open, the many times he called me a bitch, a shrew, told me to shut the F up, told me, I’d better do something, or not do something or I’d be sorry., the threats, the rage, the emotional abuse. Is that enough? I don’t have a bad temper, but I apologize if I hurt someone’s feelings, or have been in a bad mood. I think if you are together for that long you will do something that deserves, if not demands an apology. I used to apologize to my children if I’d been in a bad mood, and was short with them.

[@nervotica7991]

@@nancymurphy6483 - It's MORE than enough - I feel the love. If my Wife calls me anything remotely in that direction, she's adios in a second! Without the Lord a marriage is doomed.

[@Greenwings701]

@@nervotica7991 I don't get it. She's talking about violent, abusive treatment and you're randomly injecting religion.

[@2okaycola]

@@Greenwings701 he sounds like a narc

[@easytrips3448]

"You just remember the bad things I say" and my favorite "I think you misinterpret what I say"

[@sgtmuffinbadger6147]

Yup crazy making

[@tashmoobabe8704]

You had me at "let's do lunch to talk about this." Totally what's being pulled on me. I just say, "OK, call me," and don't expect the phone to ring at all. . . . My biggest lesson of the past few months has been how not to call out b.s. Don't do it. Instead, know very strongly within yourself that you are seeing this for what it is and are safe in that knowing.

[@CaliWeHo]

👍

[@winterwunderland]

Tash...I'm on that "page" too lately. I need to write 100X : "don't call him out on his b.s."

[@realliving7340]

I agree with this wholeheartedly! If you call them out, be ready for the rage & increase in disrespect!

[@elvansavkl7972]

yes. thanks for this advise. someone kept saying to me that we will have coffee. and I waited and waited ...it was so horrible. and he di this a few times. Now I know that what it is . and I would have liked to say that stop this I do not believe you.

[@francesbernard2445]

The weirdest part of it all is that when calling up some of the narcissists up to find out more about where to apply for work some of them say instead of the "let's do an interview for us to talk about this after you line up at [put address here] thing then instead -No real interview will ever happen however you better show up to stand in line like the rest of them after only calling up to enquire or else. And then some of them accuse you of being the scary one making everybody line up to find out they are only just another sucker. Which makes me wonder why on some forms appearing elsewhere now along with the usual 2 sets of boxes male or female and the set of boxes Mr., Mrs, Miss and Ms. now they have added another 2 sets of boxes for all of us to fill in too which is Gender: X and some other choices and another set of them too which has choices like they or them. Is that some sort of I.T. infrastructures way of doing a little pre-emptive pre-screening among all of the dual citizenship professionals who already said to them they have better things to do than be drawing up the forms there or what? -- Like in some of the way more glitzy fancy looking physiotherapy offices up here in Canada right now.

[@blaiseronstadt6306]

The sigh or Huff is Classic, My Oldest brother, he does things for you so he can hold it over your head, Hey Doc Carter, Do one on the Drunk Narcissist, Alcoholic

[@olson.pamela]

Oh my goodness, you just brought my mother back from the grave!!

[@oscarwilliamson6163]

Pamela Olson,You look cute,Hope you are not with a narcissist....

[@Mspuddin67]

Gaslighting statement from "so-called" friend after that person was called out on wrong behavior, "That shouldn't bother you." OR "You shouldn't feel that way."

[@blessed7927]

Or you’re WRONG (after expressing how their behavior makes you feel). Or how you feel about THEIR behavior. Never a “ok I can see how you thought that” ever!

[@Mspuddin67]

@@blessed7927 Exactly!

[@IzabelaWaniek-i1x]

I am going to trust myself and am not going to let the narcissist bully me with their conclusions about myself constantly to my disfavour and am going to remove any narcissists from my inner circle of advisers. Nothing more to add. Dignity, respect, civility, love, truth,trust and peace rule my world. Thank you dr Carter ❤ God bless you ❤

[@dyoung2739]

-I was just trying to help. -Who told you that? -I’m sorry if I offended you. -A deep sigh -Nobody does more for you than me. -You’re the one who has the issues. -You are so argumentative. -I was just stressed out. -You did really well but it was probably because of someone else. -Let’s get together soon when we can talk about this more thoroughly The narc that I know used all of these statements and so many more gaslighting statements.

[@vanitamann7985]

My husband of 45 years still tries to use all of these comments on me plus some. The most welcoming one is the silent treatment and acting like I don't exist. I believe that the stress and tension they cause affects your health. I know it has mine. Now I can't afford to leave.

[@dyoung2739]

@@vanitamann7985 I love the silent treatment too. You’re right, the stress of being w/them affects our health. I have high blood pressure. Not sure why but years ago he crashed my routine doctors appointment. I told the doctor in front of him that he was the cause of my high blood pressure. Several years ago,I had a stroke. In the process of divorcing him. Even tho he’s ruined me financially I look forward to being divorced. I hope that your financial situation gets better. Take care.

[@dyoung2739]

@@vanitamann7985 Forgot to add that’s it’s 35 years for me

[@caseybirgitta-skoog5532]

"I'm sorry if I offended you/I'm sorry you feel that way." yup!

[@kaddylady5853]

"You can't take a joke" or "I was joking." I laughed (inside) when I heard the narc say "you're so sensitive, can't you take a joke? I would apologize to you but thats how I joke...why are you so defensive?!"

[@sgtmuffinbadger6147]

Yeah this one hurt me the most. It makes you feel like a social utility

[@GalacticLighthouse]

My birthday was couple weeks ago, his is tomorrow. He was talking about what he wants.... I'm like, I didn't get a birthday present... his response was I bought you a f%$ing birthday cake, in not a friendly voice. To myself, I'm like, no, I bought my own cake for myself. Couple hours later I said I'd like to think you you were joking and didn't mean that. Response, of course, was lot's of expletives with of course I was joking... and down the blame road again about my defensiveness/sensitivity/selfishness.

[@Esungolow]

They say “ I don’t want to continue fighting with you! “

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

That's a crazy-maker phrase.

[@loekiekanters4295]

'You can't take a joke.' "You're too sensitive." "You know nothing.'

[@minnielou1259]

I get denials of what they said or did or I get frequently " It's all in your head"

[@patriciabolduc4613]

I spent close to 30 years with a man ,and I knew that he was mean and made my life a living Hell,but I didn't know until about 4 years ago that he was a narcissist The night he died I got up to check on him and I realized he wasn't breathing and I went back to my bedroom and set down on my bed in lit a cigarette For the first time in years I felt Relieved that he was finally gone. That was back in 2016 and he has cancer and when he passed away that night I was thinking Well it's finally over, I will have to walk on eggshells any more I know how all the ladies and gentlemen feel here. I ask Y'all if your in a relationship now , please get up and walk out the pain and suffering is not worth it. I could go on about all the horrible yrs I spent with this person but I believe that we all have the same story 🌹 Please get out this relationship as soon as can if you ever have want to have a normal life. There one question that I would like to know, are people like this are they born this way and if they could even be normal?

[@butchieblock9118]

Patricia, I feel your pain. Don't hold any blame. You now have your wings and you can fly!

[@mattdonna9677]

Patricia, thank you for sharing this with us. We do deserve better. The narc I live with is the CRUELEST living person I know in 64 years of life. The damage they do is beyond measure.

[@justmeandmyrucksack]

"Gaslighting Comments" needs to be taught in grammar schools

[@Liz9999]

You speak the truth. A huge burden is lifted when it ends.

[@dragonclaws9367]

God bless you.

[@michelepascoe6068]

"Narcissism is manipulative abuse. They want to damage you by making you doubt yourself, and gain mind control over you." I see this now. I never realised my mother was actually abusive as I was excusing her as "not understanding ". I was gaslighting myself, wondering why I was never good enough.

[@lindaetheridge-stroud1502]

I thought of myself as bad and ugly.

[@michelepascoe6068]

@@lindaetheridge-stroud1502 yes, I relate to that. If your own mother thinks you're not good enough, you believe it. However, I hope you know now that you're worth loving just as you are and that no child should have to earn their parents' love.

[@tahiyamarome]

Did yours act and talk like paying rent, buying food and clothing you were favors they were doing you instead of normal parenting tasks?

[@michelepascoe6068]

@@tahiyamarome not specifically, only, I was somehow always indebted to her long after I was independent. Always, "after all I've done for you," if ever I did anything she didn't like. Growing up, my material needs were met without complaint, but I was emotionally neglected and scapegoated. I'm sorry if you were made to feel a burden for basic needs Children don't owe their parents for food, clothing and shelter.

[@tahiyamarome]

@@michelepascoe6068 it's interesting because i noticed as i worked into healing how much of their behavior was specifically engineered to make me subconsciously fear that they would decide to stop feeding or clothing or housing me. Example: my mother decided to teach me to sew. I was really excited. Then after i made an outfit she came up with- "well since you babysit and know how to sew i shouldn't have to buy your clothes any more." I was 12. I got even though. I cut up all our sheets in the house to make myself a summer wardrobe. She was pissed but it was worth the 2-week tantrum.

[@alaysiakayebutler6299]

The huff sigh, and then the indirect snort when they are eavesdropping on your conversation

[@mattdonna9677]

When she said to me " just keep your damn mouth shut and we'll get along fine" it hit home she does not care about me.

[@jengable4888]

It sounds all too familiar !

[@sgtmuffinbadger6147]

Same mine would do this

[@Floridafanatic28]

I'm always being told to "shut the f#*k up". His narcissism increases 10 fold when he drinks....which is pretty much every waking hour when he isn't at work.

[@DarkBayTB]

Or how about “I’ll talk to you however I want until you get it through your thick f-ing head”.

[@kristinewinship2065]

I work with someone who is a narcissist, she has all the signs. She is making me miserable. I would like to hear something about narcissists in the workplace.

[@LoonyYunie]

Dr. Carter, Rebecca Zung, and Dr. Ramani have great videos on narcissism in the workplace. Hope this helps.

[@cwcolletti7163]

The whole thing, for me, boils down to pulling the rug out from under you. They are very convincing about something happening say a trip or an activity and they get right up to the point of actually doing/accomplishing it when suddenly they come up with 100 reasons why it can't be done. It was a constant topic of their choosing for weeks then it vanishes into thin air.

[@aneshathomas1696]

Ohh God, spot on, after being love bomb straight in thought i found the one, long story short he cancelled himself from a holiday he planned and i fell for around his birthday. All because I stood up for myself and never lost my voice while being gaslighted by him every chance he got he put the phone down on me had loud music playing in the phone, ohh so rude. I Went no contact after that event for a few days them bomb he sent a text message he doesn't want to be in a relationship anymore with me, cancelled out on the trip leaving me fit the bill of 400£ because holiday could not be refunded. Going on my holiday any how....He will not rob me of my peace. Better early than late waa only 6months in. It will all get better guys the narcissist always has unfinished business going on anyway as for him I believe that, no way someone could be so cruel. They hit seriously low i must say!

[@lynnlewis9938]

Oh yeah. My older brother was/is GIFTED in this department.

[@bonniehonchell9963]

"Chill", was the word that made my blood boil. Talking in an adult calm voice, or questioning something that he's suggested or done, & then the, "You just need to Chill!". I walked away months ago & never looked back. Now dealing with a board member of our Condos who I'm hearing gaslighting from. PTSD set in. 💯 Why are there so many Narcissistic😬 people? As a scientist at heart, it bothers me. Thank You

[@shewho333]

“You’re so dramatic!” “You have a BIG imagination”. And my ex would ask for an “example” of every single situation I tried to approach. It was like a giant pothole in the road I thought I was taking to resolve an issue. It was exhausting and confusing, because I didn’t really have the photographic memory to give a specific example of every thought I had in my head. I feel like that was a form of gaslighting. He enjoyed watching me struggle for words after every time he did it. I’ve had bosses do the big sigh thing with me. How those guys became bosses is beyond me.

[@rycherulz]

I can completely empathize. The narcissist I had to deal with is very quick on their feet and intelligent, so my ADD brain has no chance against them. That's one of the signs of dealing with a narcissist when you feel like you have to record/document your conversations with this person to defend yourself later on.

[@siriastridkristensen4272]

I think your experience of whatever it is does matter

[@patriciaalbertson5183]

Yes. I think it's arrogance! Ibe had counselors say that crap..."Well, You tell me what HE said, I'll decide if it's really abuse" HA!

[@LisaPFrampton]

That's why they become bosses. Most CEO's and a lot of managers and other higher-ups are narcissistic in nature, if not literally.

[@CaliWeHo]

I'm so sorry for your experiences! My father is a narc too but I don't know which one. The rejection is so painful, even in my 60s. He'll be 88 soon and he's still on his "mighty narc" journey. My brother is one too - they both think *I'm* the problem, so it's a double whammy.

[@octoberwoods]

I was just told I'm very argumentative... I was literally asking a valid question

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Touchy, touchy!

[@octoberwoods]

@@biggestsign ain't that the truth wowza.

[@octoberwoods]

@@SurvivingNarcissism thank you so much for the videos. They help tremendously!! 💙💙💙

[@nikki-mariemay9569]

OMG! The huff and sigh. That's his way of insinuating I am impossible to please when in fact I simply have preferences different from his.

[@s.s.8029]

My favorite is "I hate drama" from a complete drama queen! I was always "too sensitive" but was treated (and still am) in really crappy ways. The worst was when I finally stood up for myself and asked my sil to ask me directly to watch her son (she would go through her brother (my husband) and the final straw was when she asked my 13 year old son to ask me). She cried to big brother, he attacked my son first and then finally asked me and defended his sister instead of me! The finally admitted that she was jealous that I got to (chose to) stay home and raise my kids when she "had" to work (she didn't have to work, just refused to give up and had her in-laws practically raise her son). She hasn't asked me to help her since and I barely speak to anyone in the family anymore. I have my peace about it. It is awful, but I am glad I have to wisdom from dealing with these types of people and can share with others my experience.

[@rebekahpuma9667]

"You made me do it" I've heard this one over & over before. Or the classic " you're too dramatic, sensitive, etc". it's not you, it's them. They just hide their horns well.

[@Realjustice3]

When my mother mistreats me,if I complain saying that she doesn’t love me,all she says is that, "I WOULD’NT HAVE GIVEN BIRTH TO YOU IF I NEVER LOVED YOU" And she’d never apologize no matter how wrong she is,not even with a fake apology

[@solidstate9451]

She loves the narcissistic supply you give her. Not you.

[@bellezanegra0206]

Omg he used “I’m just trying to help” when he was picking on my appearance

[@rondihoover5605]

It’s very annoying when my narc husband and I are discussing an issue and he always flips around on me. Gaslighting at it’s best.

[@sgtmuffinbadger6147]

I feel this.

[@lynnmeder]

My husband is a Narcissist. He always has to list to me everything he does for me when I want to discuss something. I am learning from you how to make my life with him easier. He is very generous but...reminds me of it constantly

[@shannonwillbanks7735]

The comment you made about “no one does more for you than me” is so true. I’m constantly being reminded that if not for him I wouldn’t have anything. It’s always reinforcing control and reminding me I should be grateful to him. Nothings ever good enough ever. Im just so tired, nothing works no reasoning, it’s like talking to a void. I feel like I have the same conversations over and over. I know it will never change. I’ve left twice and both times hoovered back in with promises of change and it’s love bomb for awhile but the reality creeps back in and im once again stuck. It’s so hard to leave it’s frightening and frustrating it’s hard for others to understand and humiliating to explain. Thank you for the encouragement and the video’s they have really helped open my eyes to what’s really happening.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Pleased they have resonated!

[@melody28580]

Thank you for sharing this Shannon. I can relate to everything you said. Especially the part about leaving being so frightening and frustrating and hard for others to understand. I try to not be overwhelmed by it all, but it's a challenge. Hearing your words affirms so much of what I too, struggle with.

[@shannonwillbanks7735]

@@melody28580 I finally started therapy which has opened my eyes to so many things over the years that I’ve forgotten and honestly my mind was probably protecting me. I can see so many red flags now and I had no idea at the time I just had a feeling of wrongness or something that just didn’t quite set right but I let slide because well that’s just me. It’s still very hard for me to come to terms with this reality will never change no matter how hard I try because it’s not me. I will never reach the bar because it’s always going to be set higher. That’s not love no matter how much we want it to be different it’s just not.

[@melody28580]

@@shannonwillbanks7735 Its not love, you're right. I'm finding that a hard truth to accept right now. But it's coming. It seems to be a process. But now that I am awake and 'see' him... I can't 'un-see' it. Thank you again and Bless you on your path and healing journey. Hugs from a kindred spirit.

[@hnobody4271]

Thank you Doctor Carter! Top 10 Gaslighting Comments 1. I was just trying to help 2. Who told you that? 3. I'm sorry if I offended you 4. (Huff... Sigh) 5. Nobody does more for you 6. You're the one who has the issues 7. You are so argumentative (or controlling or stubborn or defensive) 8. I was just stressed out 9. You did really well, but 10. Let's get together soon when we can talk

[@lmsytranscript]

Thank you for typing this list!

[@nan-ban3891]

Very interesting, but this comes too late! I had a person such as you described in my life for 35 years and just last year they decided they couldn't control me. So, this person spent lots of time talking to my family, lying about stuff that happened 22 years before she even met me, and I lived in another state! So, she's the self-designated know-it-all and stands by her lies. Yes, there IS a special place in HELL for her. Get this one, she bought an enormous house and moved everyone in the family into it...except for me, of course! That's the extreme lengths some people will go to when they can't control you. Well, it turned out to be the best thing for me. Now I don't ever have to spend another holiday or birthday listening to her bull-s**t. Her actions, while her intension was to devastate me, saved me lots of headaches and sleepless nights! I should send her a Thank You note, huh.

[@NSEasternShoreChemist]

The two I get are the "I was just trying to help" and the "nobody does more for you than me". And yes, they are very annoying!

[@funinthekitchen844]

I found out that the best respond to their BS - besides leaving them, is a simple "Okay" It usually confuse them, because they're used to people respond in a total different way

[@Di...747]

I would really like to hear the best responses to give when faced with those gaslighting techniques.

[@nicoledburns82]

my favorite growing up with a narcissist sibling was "nobody likes you"...now it's "I've always been nice to you and took care of you but you don't care" like wtf? lol

[@ShaylaLove21]

“I’m sorry if l did anything to upset you”. Yup..heard that one a zillion times .

[@spacegirl226]

"You're the one with the problem!" Heard that for decades. I'm glad you made this list, Dr. C. Some of them were examples that I had not considered before.

[@blessed7927]

Isn’t that a fun one? Everything you call them on they will say “oh and YOU aren’t?” Lol Its like arguing with a toddler.

[@sunshinedayz7032]

"I love you more than anyone would ever love you"

[@susansheldon2707]

My narc's old favorite was to say with exaggeration, "Oh, Susan, you w-o-r-r-y me." Clearly I had to be nuts for whatever I confronted him on. He stopped using it, though, when I pre-empted him by saying it myself before he got a chance to. Then I turned it around and said, with obvious sarcasm, "Oh, R, you w-o-r-r-y me..." Stole his thunder. Idiot.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

That made me chuckle.

[@gertrudewest4535]

My mother and sister are like that. They triangulated with many members of our family that I was the "broken one".. It's so humiliating. They will even talk about me while I am present, judging and critiquing me as if I wasn't standing there. I have realized through time how much it has left a deep wound in me, to be seen and heard. Narcs pick up on that damage like sharks smell blood in the water. It makes me nervous to know that now, as if I didn't have enough anxiety already! Fawning, people pleasing, peace making habits learned from childhood are so hard to break as an adult because the work culture still demands it.

[@jaykay3839]

Another good one, Dr. C. As always, so very accurate. My husband is a very talented gas-lighter. His favorite is along with that sigh, he says, "Oh, here we go." Accompanied by a smirk. He's making out like just because I'm finally speaking up that I'm just a crazy lady burden on him and he's two steps ahead of me. It's so nice that in working on figuring out his mother, who was a covert narcissist, I'm finally seeing him now too. I just wish it hadn't taken me so long.

[@sallyjaynes2433]

Mine says almost exactly *Here we go again* ..... 😏

[@patriciaalbertson5183]

Yeah..I'm sorry. Its just not honoring

[@dragonclaws9367]

The Eye roll and the heave of the chest and the sigh is always a sign of open communication 😆

[@chayo4537]

Fuck your husband

[@cathy14cs]

@@dragonclaws9367 and then the complete denial that they have. If you want to think I did I can’t help that. I know I didn’t. Oh the lies. … I feel they really believe their lies. A lie that can’t be proved is not a lie. If it’s proved the excuses and reasons come and it’s usually something that you caused them to do. Sick sad individuals.. messed up.

[@butchieblock9118]

Oh my goodness, this is actually kind of hard to listen to but almost gratifying. It's my mother. She's now 85 years old and she won't stop. She's always found her flying monkeys so she's never had to change. I broke off communication with her 7 months ago. And while I am curious, I'm not eliciting challenges for myself.

[@sannajohanna5579]

My mom is 83, the same thing. Thank you letting me know that she won’t turn around in the future. She stole my daughter. Now I understabd the whole system. My daughter is now 30 years old. Now Inundesrtabd HER, as well! It has been definetely confusing to her to heaar my mom mocking me when she spent lots of holidays with ny mom and dad. My dad evidently is a big flying monkey. Even my daughter and I haven’t talked with my mom in years, my father is still very close. Everything has revealed to me now. It is making me sick, sad. They stole my daughter, tirned her against me. Why? Because I did not follow the lifeplan they had made for me when I was born. I’ve been the ”difficult” rebellior - and now I see that I lost. I lost everything in my life and only recently I’ve got this information about narcissism and been shocked. I still must cultivate radical acceptance, it is so hard to accept. I lost everything that matters to me, but after taking no-contact I feel better and better daily. I have new friends, a new job, I live in a new town, and I’ven’t had to fight for my human rights at all with anyone in a long time. I live in peace. I just try to figure out, who am I, because I see qualities in me that I did not know that excist.

[@groovy-momma418]

I did the same with my mother. I hadn't had any contact with her for 10 years when she died at 72. I did not cry. I was more angry that she died because I wanted so much to make her hear me. But I know now that would never had happened. 😆 🤣

[@ThisIsMe155]

This is a wonderful video, Dr Carter ❤️ . Such comments and actions (abusive) have been used against me routinely for 'many' years by 'a number' of individuals💔😢. Ignorance No More!!! 👍👏

[@yamlwoz]

@Dawn Green yup, mine is 87. Still the same and still pretty healthy. I wish I'd ditched her years ago but didn't know then what I know now. I just make sure to only see her with witnesses in attendance. She has to behave fairly well so she can continue her public face of total sweetness. Makes me sick!

[@CBHarvey]

@@yamlwoz Yep. Mine’s 87 too. Don’t they sweeten up at some point? No. There’s every indication they don’t.

[@A.Dajlida]

"YOU DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT TO DIFFER FROM ME" - is their motto.

[@micheleonel5068]

Realizing that your mother is a narcissist is a painful thing! Especially when she wants to be all in my life, and I want the same. But realizing the same patterns and pain from my childhood still exist today - many many years later, makes me know that at 75 years old, she’s not going to ever change. And how did I believe that she might?? I think I finally figured it out tonight…she’s not😢 But I love her so much!

[@aquablue3880]

Minimal contact helped me with this.

[@janelambley807]

I can totally relate to your love for your mother. Mine is the same, but I now choose to remove myself from her presence when the narcissistic talk starts. She nolonger catches me in her web. I stand up to her and show her I know what she is doing.

[@micheleonel5068]

@@janelambley807 thank you for response! How does she react when you tell her you know what she’s doing?

[@micheleonel5068]

@@aquablue3880 thank you!

[@janelambley807]

My mum is 92 now. It's difficult, she tries more gaslighting but I halt her mid sentence and say I'm not listening to it. I take control and then say I'm leaving. She's my mum and I love and care for her but I ended up in hospital last time she upset me and I'm not doing that again. Be strong, be kind but be firm.

[@nasrinsanei4051]

and one of their gaslighting statements which I have experienced is 'I had predicted that you will be argumanitive tonight' when He has done or said some thing that irritates me and he tries to prove that I am problematic.

[@Greenwings701]

Yes! The (typically snide, huff, lip smacked) apology containing the word "if!" And the backhanded compliments (the only kind); instead of saying you look nice, they might say "oh, you dressed," or they'll say "good for you."

[@blessed7927]

The “oh look how sensitive you are!” While they feed off the negativity like they are eating a steak 🥩

[@patriciaalbertson5183]

I hate that" good for you" comment. Very condescending

[@solidstate9451]

I got so many unsolicited advice and everytime I said I wanted to do it my way I heard: you always think you know everything better...

[@lisamr40]

Ya know what's scary, there are soooooo many people out there like this. Out of the top 10 people I think of in my life, I'd say 9 are like this is some way or another. Thanks Dr. C for bringing this to our attention! Love your videos.

[@nashi._.7563]

Yep, there’s a lot of people like this and I think it’s getting worse because of culture. But to some degree most people have occasional narcissistic traits, so it’s important to distinguish someone with narcissistic personality disorder vs. narcissistic traits

[@mervyngreene6687]

I agree. I have seen a lot of people use these tactics. They do it because they see that it works.

[@Dependencycourtsellschildren]

Well there is a difference in traits and npd. I have traits from being raised in it, and social media does exacerbate the issue immensely. Still, 9 out of ten people in your life being like this is only one of two things. You, like I, were raised in it and think this is normal for a long time, and chase them until the lightbulb turns on, or you’re over using the term.

[@lisamr40]

@@Dependencycourtsellschildren No, trust me, I not over using the term. I have been raised in it and I am speaking of my family, my husband and his family and most of the people I live around in my area. I'm sure we all have traits that are less than admirable but these people are down right cruel. It seems like every person I meet is this way. I'm not over exaggerating either. I am also limited to my neighborhood due to the fact that I don't have a car. I attract the people who will talk your ear off and tell you their entire life story while your standing in line.

[@Dependencycourtsellschildren]

@@lisamr40 then it’s the first option. Trust me, I just got this one right. I have a therapist who signed off on it.

[@ladennayoung2939]

My mother is ALWAYS saying she is just trying to help, and ALWAYS give unsolicited and unnecessary advice. And she is one of the most rude, mean, and obnoxious person there is, and of course she is in major denial about all of it. She get SO angry when you actually disagree with her, and choose to have an open discussion about your own thoughts and feelings. AND she NEVER EVER really apologize. I'm just over all of it, and SO need my space. I just don't have the time or energy, and when God revealed this to me I just chose to accept it for what it is. It can be painful at times because you don't have that parent or parents there for you in a healthy and loving way, but they will always choose to be the victim, and never seek healing. It can be depressing being around people like this. I just need my freedom, love, joy, and peace in Jesus name. Amen.

[@allyjay7395]

I couldn't help but laugh at "I'm sorry if I offended you." As if he would ever apologize in any way at all ever.

[@PlayBetterJazz]

I wanted to add that in my (thankfully) PAST narc "friendship" "You are so argumentative" has been said to me as, "You always cause so much drama" "Why are you trying to pick apart my every move or what I'm thinking" or "I'm not perfect but you have WAY more issues than I do" It just never stops with a narc. They will say literally ANY.THING. to shift the blame off of themselves. They are not of this earth.

[@PamelaNVirginia]

I am very familiar with ... "I was only trying to help" and "Nobody has done more for you than me".... constantly. I really appreciate your videos. Thank you. .

[@sgtmuffinbadger6147]

Yes this exactly.

[@oscarwilliamson6163]

Intuitive One,You deserve better 🙏

[@josiah5776]

My former father-in-law (since cut out of my life) used all ten of these against me. In fact, he used 5 of them recently in one single text. That was the point I became fully confident that I was dealing with a narc an cut him out of my life. He is now slandering me to whomever will listen. Fortunately, none of the recipients matter to me and I don't care if they are in my life.

[@amarylisbarbosa3071]

I finally walked away after three years and a half of so much abuse from one. With a restrain order that I never thought would have been possible. I am so relieved and in peace now. Even when I have the flash backs that still hunt me occasionally, I tell my self that I am free from that "monster." I can breath and feel alive again. One day I will be able to tell everyone my story. One that I never dreamed off in my worst night mare! Tk you doctor for continuing bring light into my awareness!

[@sunshinedayz7032]

"Sorry that you feel that way"

[@kesmarn]

I'd venture to suggest that narcs don't often say: "I'm sorry if I offended you." Usually it's: "I'm sorry you're feeling offended." They insist they've had nothing to do with how you're feeling. "You're just being your usual unreasonable self. No one knows what triggers your roller coaster moods." Sigh...

[@luffypupperstien2706]

“All your doing is trying to start a fight”

[@Alice-fr1ef]

They are so right that they can never get to "I'm Sorry" has been my experience. Thank you so much Dr. Carter and Gus for the educational and informative videos you make for us.

[@kayhaich]

"Im sorry but" has been my experi3nce before they lay in the verbal hits

[@carolnahigian9518]

my parents' favourite was " how DARE you_' or " you are the most UNGRATEFULL___"!!!!

[@lindaetheridge-stroud1502]

They are not sorry because everything is your fault. Everything!

[@SlashinatorZ]

It seems the only narcissists who will say "I am sorry' are pedophiles caught in internet stings

[@shiny7301]

Thank you Dr. Carter 🙏🏻🌺My ex-narc husband's mother was also a narcissist. She has been continuously insulted me with her silly jokes and and criticisms. When I told that I didn't like these kind of things their answer was "you're too sensitive/you don't get criticism/ i am only joking". I am open to constructive criticism but not disrespect, insult and arrogance!!!

[@patriciaalbertson5183]

YES. Jokes not funny. Teasing is mean....it is really a form of anger, I believe

[@shiny7301]

@@patriciaalbertson5183 Yes, totally agreed 💯👍 Teasing is a form of anger.

[@davidhinkson8856]

So you met my MIL too? And her daughter always took her side against me and defended her nasty behavior.

[@shiny7301]

@@davidhinkson8856 Really? My ex-narc MIL has been continously insulted me saying "People graduated from Bosphorus University has no confidence" without thinking that I have an autistic boy and no chance to work, to get a career. She's a stone-heart evil without zero empathy. She has always been talking about other DIL since she is rich and had a career, narcissists' typical triangulation to hurt and insult their victims. They always make comparisons to make you feel devalued. Her codependent boy(ex-husband) has always been with her side and never defended me.

[@susanmercurio1060]

My kids came up with over 30 comments that were sure to put a stop to the conversation when I confronted them about their mistakes, and I was dumb enough to get sidetracked for years. Finally, I caught on to the game and started reeling off the list as soon as they started. That called them out and let them know I was onto them. The Non-Apology Apology: "I'm sorry *you feel that way* "

[@TheSamjane4]

Mine always says …I’m sorry you feel that way …also I don’t remember it that way or I don’t remember that ever happening .

[@skaibro4947]

Gus just crossing the blanket boundaries on and on 😊

[@AlwaysStampinVideos]

Me attempting to do anything… Narcissist: “That will fail.” Me: “Thanks for not supporting me.” Narcissist: “I’m not saying YOU will fail. I’m just afraid what you’re planning to do will fail.” Smacking forehead… Add a little victim role (“I’m just afraid…”) to the gaslighting and you’ve got an entire bonfire. Plus, in the future they get to say they admit to their fears because they will look back on any given moment they used the phrase “I’m just afraid…” and equal that to admitting to their fears. What a mess!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Yep!

[@AlwaysStampinVideos]

@@janepoppet3843 thanks Dad. Honestly, they’re such putts! Reading your comment makes me consider how the ultimate gaslighting is quite possibly paramount projection… saying degrading things that actually get their desired outcome… which is for us to give up… so that we don’t become better than them… so that we feel worse about ourselves than they feel about themselves which therefore allows them to look down on us for being somehow worse than them which actually causes them to think they are better than us at least at being a failure at something… and ultimately so they can say, “*I* told you so” which adds a notch to their know it all belt. Good for you for not giving up! I’m sorry you had to grow up in a similar situation as i. Glad to be on the healing journey with ya

[@christinalw19]

@@AlwaysStampinVideos I AGREE. 😉👍🏼❤️

[@AlwaysStampinVideos]

@@janepoppet3843 yes yes exactly! I love watching every bit of my kids “make it” in spite of what they had to experience and also knowing what i personally endured growing up and then later in life having to be the more emotionally and spiritually mature parent. I feel good about giving them that balance where parenting was concerned but wow they are simply amazing people themselves and deserve all the credit for being who they are today. I think what i love most about celebrating them for who they are and who they are becoming is when they teach me new things without even knowing they’re doing it

[@blessed7927]

@@janepoppet3843 wow just wow. I heard the same thing. Of course you did ______ - you’re my daughter. Talk about not knowing where they end and you begin! It is strange how everyones experience MATCHES the SAME PHRASES!!!

[@cherylnathanodette]

Thanks again, another super post, yes the promises they give you, the lies they tell you make you think you have invented it. Just keep your memories and reality real.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks, Cheryl!

[@jengable4888]

Thank you for posting this highly informative video ! The lies, gaslighting, psychological /financial abuse that been allowed to transpire in my life...is OUT of CONTROL !

[@susanlewis1875]

Along with the heavy sigh came the eyeroll. And a good, loud "TSK!" My sister never argued with me because she knew I was right.

[@MrRicehard]

'100% of everything you say is bulls*%^.' My older sister three years ago. The same sister who has since convinced my two brothers I am verboten and must be shunned from all considerations of existence.

[@bodaciousbethany0]

I had no idea 💡 about gas lighting. My mother controlled & confused me with this method, probably the most.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

It is a go-to strategy of theirs.

[@rosethorne9155]

Thank you for these insights. My narcissistic mother is the queen of The Sigh. She'll often roll her eyes and throw down whatever she is holding in her hands, for added dramatic effect, too. She would do this when I was a child trying to ask if I could go visit friends, brcause she didnt want me to have friends...she does this now as an adult when I try to discuss household issues or the family dogs' health, because she sees the dogs as objects and not living beings, and she can't be bothered to actually take care of them. She always acts like she is annoyed and everybody else is irritating her... And the "I was just trying to help"...after telling me my hairstyle is ugly, or my perfume stinks, or my shoes are stupid looking. If I tell her she's being hurtful and rude, I get the fake sad face and, "I was just trying to HELP YOU! I'm your MOM, and if I don't tell you these things, nobody will!" I used to sit alone in my room and just cry helplessly with anger and despair because of how she treated me...