A poem about BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder)

Written on 11/3/2021 after receiving my first out of pocket medical bill for treatment. The intake alone cost more than my first apartments rent.
The poem I wrote gives voice to the thoughts and struggles that flood through me during an “episode” and are things that I and others on the borderline spectrum experience several times a day.
Thanks for listening and feel free to reach out if you’d like to learn more about the disorder

[@ASMinor]

I have BPD, I am an avid #MentalHealthAwareness advocate and spoken word performer, and I love this so much. I travel the country trying to bring that awareness on stages, in classrooms, hospitals, and on my KZbin channel, so I get excited when I see other advocates.

[@RayfieldA]

My roommate has been desperately looking for helpful therapist and group sessions for her BPD. Can you please share your coping mechanisms for this?

[@ASMinor]

@@RayfieldA I'll start by saying that I'm not a mental health professional, so this is only from a patient perspective, though I have been through DBT. One of the best things that has helped me is Mindfulness. If you look online you can find mindfulness exercises, and here on KZbin there are actually guided meditations.

[@FeyzanurK]

The last line " and I sink when I remember that color won't last" hit hardest after " I weep and I lose my right to all contact" and " I need and all my cells feel attacked". I love how this poem captures the variety of frustrating internal conflict/tumult that arises throughout the day, making whichever specific emotion you're feeling , burn within your veins

[@FeyzanurK]

that comes with bpd

[@milescikvar6311]

I've recently been diagnosed with BPD and I'm so unbelievably grateful to have found this video. You're not alone, even when you may be convinced that there isn't anybody who could possibly understand your pain or daily struggles. You're going to go far, I believe in you. ❤️

[@xandricoetzee6698]

This was so beautiful and so powerful. It gave me the chills because I relate to it so deeply. Wonderfully written.

[@iflightcouldspeak2612]

Thank you!

[@nathanjustme8112]

My soul pours out what’s left inside to all who go through this..I lost someone so close to me that I know I’ll never be capable of loving another like that ever again… now all I want to feel is everything she felt inside take it all for myself. She was my world and my one and only and will always be that to me infinitely and if it’s possible…eternally🤍my heart belongs to her… and I don’t ever want it back…for now..until I see her and I am with her again… I am empty and will never be whole again…♾🤍🖤🤍♾

[@josieIDK467]

From someone who has bpd, this really speaks to me and gives me chills. Some of the lines are incredibly relatable like 'I sleep and In my dream, my mind is hacked'.. that just hits hard

[@jennylynnculbertson9086]

Always knowing the color won't last no matter how hard you try to not think about that

[@feedyourgirl]

Thank you for putting this together. The video's less than a minute and a half long, but here I am, still in tears and lost for words nearly 10 minutes later. The effect that expressing our emotions can have on others is so wonderfully profound. Keep it up! Love and light, color and confidence for ya always brother

[@redblue5868]

This was fantastic, thank you for sharing.

[@noname-bg7vn]

The agonizing cycle of bpd explained in 60 seconds

[@Justcallmerita]

Dude, you are on a whole different level of deepness and introspection.

[@user-kz7iz4uy3y]

Great Video - this is my poem - I hope it is not to disturbing to you My beautiful wife of 27 years and a pwBPD (un-diagnosed) left in July 2019. This is what it was like for me. Her love was the Promised Land, and I was eager to prove my devotion. Together we wandered in the desert for many years, looking for the lush green forest at the edge of a lake, where surrounded by snow-capped mountains she could find peace and purpose. I brought plenty of food and water, which never seemed to quench her thirst or satisfy a hunger she could not describe. Occasionally we came upon an oasis where I was content and happy. In time, once again, the spring would go dry and we would resume the search, each time in a new direction. I am now very weary; our water supply a burden I no longer wish to carry. I tap into the last reserves of inner strength to stumble onward in this barren landscape, gripped by a fear of what is beyond the ever-shifting dunes ahead. The blazing sun is high over-head, so I no longer have my bearings, but once again, there on the horizon is a sea of green. Her enchanting song once again draws me to Bristol Cove on the lake in the mountains. We lay down together in the cool green grass, but I soon realize, once again it is an illusion. Like a mirage, in a blink of an eye, it all vanishes and this time she too is gone. I realize I've lost the faith; I must give up the quest and turn back, no longer sure of the way home. The sun has set, and, in the darkness, I cannot resist the urge to look over my shoulder with each uncertain step. It has become second nature to worry about her; I will always feel her pain and hunger, her loneliness in the void. I am overwhelmed with an unfamiliar sensation and try to accept I no longer have the power to rescue her from the discontent she has felt her whole life, even worse, I realize my arrogance to think I ever could. At the same time, I try to erase the image that she may have found the forest without me and is swimming in the cool clear water. I think "how weak of me to have given up" and in the knowledge that I will never see her again, what am I to do with the love I still have for her. It pours out onto the dry sand and evaporates without purpose. The witness of my existence is now gone, my heart is tormented by waves of sorrow, like the breakers of some ancient sea crashing on a rocky shore. The primeval granite reduced to particles of sand, now long forgotten, so too will our story be relegated to a footnote, then fade on the parchment of time with each passing generation. I pry upon the wind, hoping to hear her sweet voice one last time, the words of the promised land as she whispers, "I now know he truly loved me". I imagine her weeping with the thought "how could I have been blind for all those years; we could have found paradise together". It was a leap of faith she was unable to take, inflected with an invisible wound, suffered alone in a cradle so many years ago, long before her happiness became the purpose of my life. Our special place by the lake will forever remain lost beyond the horizon and when she or I, the last of what was once “us” departs this worldly existence, no one will say, “They were in love and are together again”.

[@Sameoldfitup]

Life is all memory 💙💚

[@jennylynnculbertson9086]

Wow Ty I wish they knew how it is for one day. So they would know.

[@MadelynDarby]

You detailed everything so perfectly...thank you

[@AnamoontjeAdoomiesince]

omg the ending just reminded me exactly of how i feel when i remember that i have bpd

[@zunerichards9888]

There is purpose... For your life...

[@artsmith4285]

Matt .. "Thank You" MGB and keep us all

[@zunerichards9888]

I love this....

[@pixieheart9303]

I don't want to live with it anymore

[@tiffanyt718]

Thank you 🥺

[@Jantonov1]

This meant something to me. Thank you.

[@mars10115]

I love this.

[@jamesgerboc]

So powerful.

[@NimmyGierlinger_88]

Blocking Woman success finisng happiness to See them fail and do all the Work to make them fail

[@deothang]

I felt it.....I really like it...so cool.....have a read of my poem on my profile ...it is in about section.....I love writing poetry and being creative....keep the power!

[@jadeunderwood581]

Beautiful

[@marley41494]

I needed this right now ❤️😪

[@user-kh8ph3hf8r]

💯 ❤

[@danishaferreira7796]

This is exactly how I feel😔😢😭

[@cassiebranfield4537]

"I sink when I remember that colour won't last" 💔 I feel this to my core.

[@anibalaviles3705]

❤

[@0.filhaderosacaveira.0]

🙏🏻💚🐍🍃

[@somatic.cinema]

[@hinglemccringleberry7265]

You have to pay the bills for medical and psychological treatments yourself? Or does your medical insurence pay it all back later? If not why? What country do you live in?

[@myyinyang]

Does your medical insurance allow for a name change, Hingle McCringleberry. If so, get it done. Seriously. You won’t be taken seriously until the name change. What country do you live in?

[@jeffreyquinonez8964]

You guys need to work on pulling back your energy from wherever you lost it in your life. And feel present in your body.