The Morning After I Killed Myself

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of...
This is a poem by the extremely talented Meggie Royer.
🔗 / meggieroyerpoetry
I fell in love with this poem instantly, it felt so human, like the moment you truly connect with a friend. The main theme of this poem is a very serious one and the imagery is extremely heavy in my mind. I don't want this work to romanticize something that causes so much pain. The purpose of this video is to give strength to the brave people who fight demons in their heads. You are not alone Internet Friends, I hope you like this work.
Forever Humbled,
a kid with a camera
P.S. This wouldn't be possible without my friend who allowed me to film her walking the city, making coffee, and petting cats. / melinoise
🔰Support me on Patreon: / illneas
🔰Find me here 🔗 / _illneas
🔗 / illneas
🔗 / illneas
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Second channel
🔗 / @akidwithacameraorjust...
🔰Communities
- / discord
- / 2314655172176122
- / searchingformeaning
🔰References
-The narrator is Iness J.
Her email.
🔗[e-mail]
-The music is this:
Sentient - Gavin Luke
Thanks to Chubbz for helping me with the audio
🔰My equipment:
I film handheld with a Panasonic Lumix
G80
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GX80
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📷Olympus M.Zuiko Digital 45mm F1.8 Lens
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🔰The morning after I killed myself by Meggie Royer
The morning after I killed myself, I woke up.
I made myself breakfast in bed. I added salt and pepper to my eggs and used my toast for a cheese and bacon sandwich. I squeezed a grapefruit into a juice glass. I scraped the ashes from the frying pan and rinsed the butter off the counter. I washed the dishes and folded the towels.
The morning after I killed myself, I fell in love. Not with the boy down the street or the middle school principal. Not with the everyday jogger or the grocer who always left the avocados out of the bag. I fell in love with my mother and the way she sat on the floor of my room holding each rock from my collection in her palms until they grew dark with sweat. I fell in love with my father down at the river as he placed my note into a bottle and sent it into the current. With my brother who once believed in unicorns but who now sat in his desk at school trying desperately to believe I still existed.
The morning after I killed myself, I walked the dog. I watched the way her tail twitched when a bird flew by or how her pace quickened at the sight of a cat. I saw the empty space in her eyes when she reached a stick and turned around to greet me so we could play catch but saw nothing but sky in my place. I stood by as strangers stroked her muzzle and she wilted beneath their touch like she did once for mine.
The morning after I killed myself, I went back to the neighbors’ yard where I left my footprints in concrete as a two year old and examined how they were already fading. I picked a few daylilies and pulled a few weeds and watched the elderly woman through her window as she read the paper with the news of my death. I saw her husband spit tobacco into the kitchen sink and bring her her daily medication.
The morning after I killed myself, I watched the sun come up. Each orange tree opened like a hand and the kid down the street pointed out a single red cloud to his mother.
The morning after I killed myself, I went back to that body in the morgue and tried to talk some sense into her. I told her about the avocados and the stepping stones, the river and her parents. I told her about the sunsets and the dog and the beach.
The morning after I killed myself, I tried to unkill myself, but couldn’t finish what I started.

[@meggieroyer5724]

Hello, I am the author of this piece and I wanted to thank illneas so much for creating this rendition! I'm truly grateful for his collaboration and support! I wrote this piece several years ago as someone who was suicidal and enduring a severe trauma. I'm continually humbled by the outpouring of support it has received. I posted it on my blog after I wrote it and never expected it to go viral. This piece was a letter to myself as a suicidal person, and so it may not resonate with everyone. I wrote it to myself and it was what I needed to hear at the time. Sending love to everyone who is currently or has been struggling to the point of considering suicide. I am thinking of you and wishing you the best across the world in the U.S. Have a wonderful day, everyone! Thank you again!

[@nicholasobiero7880]

Masterpiece

[@Mark00747]

This is so amazing! We should all live as if we had killed ourselves

[@JoseGonzalez-yw5iz]

Keep up the good work you are very talented

[@user-zh6qs5mv4c]

Thank you for sharing something so private :-)

[@hypebeast7199]

Amazing

[@mika-ie4ke]

"too tired to stay too scared to leave"

[@agonycheeto6111]

Me

[@brynnwelte9197]

exactly how i feel.

[@fabianvanderelst9643]

I read that as too scarred. That'd have made sense as well

[@christinecandido8614]

damn 💯

[@nightlight-nuisance2971]

me 2 frien very tired and extremely scared

[@hard_candy]

"... who now sat in his desk at school, trying desperately to believe I still existed." Oof! That one hit me.

[@anjlika1886]

Same!

[@ginyjuice]

same, that’s when i literally began to cry 💀

[@FoxOnTheRun92]

Same!! 💔

[@Sky-cp6kt]

Someone explain this

[@Dojasadi3458]

Me too.. The strongest verse

[@ndubuisivictor7111]

Dropping this comment here hoping someone likes this so i can come to rewatch it.

[@phoenyx0]

Come, friend.

[@David280GG]

Joe mama bidens on deez nuts fire in the hole water on the hill kokc dash spider congregation jumpscare free skibidi robux🗣️🗣️🗣️📢📢🔥🔥🗣️📢🔥🗣️🔥📢‼️‼️‼️

[@LilacDeiji]

come and rewatch it!

[@Oul362]

You should rewatch this, NOW!

[@peachypear8765]

come and rewatch it!

[@Catbomb-..]

I once tried to kill myself by hanging. As I was about to kick the chair away my cat ran to my room holding my old plushy I had lost. She looked at me looking like she was about to cry, we stared at each other for a long while. I couldn’t go through with it knowing at least 1 thing cared about me. my favorite thing loved me, she is the only thing that stopped me. I love her

[@Aquuamarinee]

If you go, who's gonna look after her, right? Who's gonna feed her, play with her and cuddle her? Thats the only thing keeping me going at this point. I dont wanna be selfish and leave my sunshine alone. I dont know what I'll do when she has to leave some day...

[@lyndamurphy2474]

​@@Aquuamarinee❤

[@itspriyankaaa]

I hope you are okay now

[@gypsykings1406]

​@@AquuamarineeYou Will thank God the chance of finding true and sincere friendship in a soft, tender, loyal and beautiful creature of His, in this life.

[@krazykirl1129]

That's really awesome. My cat has also gotten me through. If she was the only creature that cared for me, I decided to stay. She's getting old now, so I have to figure a way and prepare myself for being alone when she goes. Still haven't figured that out yet.

[@azarqoa9665]

Little does the author of this video know, how many people they must’ve saved from dying...

[@S_W_]

The author commented on this video if you’d like to see. :)

[@andi-oop-2840]

It was 999 and I made it 1K Also: a reallyyyy good point.

[@M1guel7Dias]

I dont see how It would save anyone. People who commit suicide cannot defend themselves so people think they are idiots. After you kill yourself there will not be a morning after and also there will be no more pain for what brought you to the point of commiting suicide. I still stand as a depressive suicidal who struggles everyday. And I find this video offensive. It takes down a lot from what is a decision and not an impulse.

[@andi-oop-2840]

@@M1guel7Dias true.?!

[@_kay_Rayne]

@@M1guel7Dias I can see where you are coming from as I too am depressed. I have been for a year. I have tried so hard but nothing works. However for me I find this beautiful. I interpret it as a reminder of the good in our lives whether we see it or not. The most mundane things can sometimes be the most special things. It describes where she grew up and the people around her that love her. It's so easy to look past these things when there is so much stress, anxiety, and sadness in ones life. So for me, this was a good reminder to keep fighting. And that even through this living hell, there are still things out there that are good.

[@yeet96421]

that’s the whole problem, you often can’t see how beautiful everything is when you’re depressed. it takes something like this happening for you to realize

[@bellabrown5274]

Jesus loves you all I hope you accept Him and repent He wants you to come to Him, it’s time to accept Him :)

[@theshywolfie6655]

​@@bellabrown5274 I know u mean well, but this kind of post isn't going to reach everyone. Thank you for your kindness though, its sweet

[@-x_moon_x-]

@@bellabrown5274 joining a cult doesn't cure depression

[@SatyaPriya09]

Yup i know its hard to see the sun while its raining and when the complete sky is covered with clouds but it takes 1 unit just 1 unit to know that the sun is hidden in those clouds,that its these days that has hidden happiness I know its very easy to say bt very hard to take your heavy heart out there and hope at worst bt at that time that's all we could do hope,And prove our hopes through actions,place changing,sometimes sharing with unknown if known dont value u But for that u have to get out the 1st step The 1st step is alwz hardest i know bt when u get down in to up u never really realize and journey to better tomorrow beguns Just a little help I too suffered i know its very hard bt...its the only thing u can do

[@mimi-zz9nf]

@@bellabrown5274 don‘t bring religion into this

[@Love_Yourself4830]

I lost my 13-year-old daughter to suicide six months ago. As a form of self-therapy and means to try and help other people, I've been creating videos in which I explore nature and narrate my journey with grief. Content like this is also tremendously helpful. Thank you for taking the time to share this with the world.

[@ebpatton]

God bless you.

[@InvitationToHers]

Im 13 as well; I’m so, so sorry for your loss. I pray for you and your family. I hope you can rest knowing she’s in a better place, now

[@mookiess]

i'm so sorry, i can't imagine the grief that you've felt, and the pain she must have felt to do so. I was in a similar place only years ago, not knowing if i was gonna make it past high school. Just a few months ago i turned 18, something i never thought would have been possible at the time. But the pain still lingers and i still continue to fall into these sad spells that makes my life feel unbearable at times, but seeing the grief from comments like these remind me why i've kept moving on. I hope you're able to find your own peace, and just know that you've probably saved a life with your videos.

[@kikaha56]

❤️

[@leemon5557]

Condolences to your daughter. And, I just want to say that the Lord Jesus is our hope in this world. Not anything. Not something. Just Him. And I want to emphasize that because Jesus saved me. He saved me. And He will do so to other people to. To you, who is reading. Trust in the Lord Jesus Christ, for He lived, died, and rose again for our sins! Whoever believes in Him shall have eternal life!

[@richard4short5]

I was 23 and I was chatting with a girl at a party for quite a long while. She said she had to go home and with a quick "see ya around!" she was gone. I turned around to see a very forlorn looking younger man looking at the floor. "She's nice isn't she?" He murmured. I agreed and it turned out that she had just broken up with him and i offered him my comiserations, wished him luck and wandered off to my bedroom. The next day my fellow share housers were talking about how Vincent had turned the gas on and put his head into the oven when he got home from the party. I asked who Vincent was. He was the young man who looked forlorn.... 'The morning after I died' brought all that back to me just now. I'm 65 yo now.

[@counterfeit1148]

What a story

[@theharshtruthoutthere]

@@counterfeit1148 We all are heartbreakers, all of our thoughts are evil and all our good deeds are filthy rags. Jeremiah 17:9 - The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? Mark 7:21 - For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, Romans 1:21 - Because that, when they knew God, they glorified him not as God, neither were thankful; but became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened. Isaiah 64:6 But we are all as an unclean thing, and all our righteousnesses are as filthy rags; and we all do fade as a leaf; and our iniquities, like the wind, have taken us away. We all were: Psalms 51:5 - Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me. Our Life Is Like Unto A Race 1 Corinthians Chapter 9 24 Know ye not that they which run in a race run all, but one receiveth the prize? So run, that ye may obtain. Why are rich and famous depressed? lets list the reasons; they`re trans, faking life 100% daily their master is lucifer, the father of lies. they have no looks, needs to fake these, they have no talent, needs to fake these. they are famous only a moment. they are rich only for moment. To have the moment on stage, wicked and sick ritual must be performed. They are masons in masonry. Nothing`s real, only illusions. They have it harder , to give their soul over to CHRIST and return back HEAVEN (Luke 18:25 KJV and Mark 10:25 KJV) true Christians are born again = new creatures in CHRIST, able to no longer sin and able to understand GOD perfectly. We are to make a conscious choosing between GOD = CHRIST and mammon = lucifer. Deuteronomy 30:19 I call heaven and earth to record this day against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed may live: Joshua 24:15 And if it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD. we since birth live in the devils kingdom, this earth here, it shall be created anew, but not yet, still is the church time = still time for souls to get saved and be raptured up. until we come to repentance and born again, we remain living according to the devil. devils expectations to us are: lie/deceive kill destroy remain wicked sinner who praise death daily. because devil is the father of lies: John 8:44 Ye are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it. GOD `s expectations to us: come to repentance come out from BABYLON born again live holy do the will of your heavenly father. Matthew 9:13 But go ye and learn what that meaneth, I will have mercy, and not sacrifice: for I am not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance. John 3:7 Marvel not that I said unto thee, Ye must be born again. Revelation 18:4 And I heard another voice from heaven, saying, Come out of her, my people, that ye be not partakers of her sins, and that ye receive not of her plagues. 1 Peter 1:16 - Because it is written, Be ye holy; for I am holy. Matthew 7:21 Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.

[@EverestIX-kd9vz]

Wow..

[@goldrushjkgh]

In this society, nobody cares about men ending themselves. Sad truth.

[@pterosaurr]

Clearly people care, otherwise this video wouldn’t exist.

[@hiimangel763]

*“the bravest thing that person can do is to stay alive when they wanted to die.”*

[@DarthYall]

It just sucks how it doesn't even feel brave. It feels like cowardice because you can't bring yourself to just end it.

[@hiimangel763]

@@DarthYall no you are brave enough to stay in this world in this cruel society full of judgement and the for me the definition of cowardice is to run away from your own problems stay strong it'll gonna be okay🖤😊

[@ayeshaannie6017]

This made me cry llol

[@hiimangel763]

@@ayeshaannie6017 don't worry everything is gonna be alright /Sending virtual hug

[@zhizntsirka2283]

I hate that everyone calls suicide cowardice. They call it running away from a life that you weren't brave enough to face. I appreciate that this quote doesn't say that directly

[@idxntknowhy4266]

"With my brother who once believed in unicorns but who now sat in his desk at school trying desperately to believe I still existed." This part hit.

[@user-hs9ce2bv4t]

I cried so much at this part.

[@Elysion404]

Same. It's my sister for me. She still leaves me little notes at random places just to let me know I matter.

[@Raf-pv7mp]

@@Elysion404 awhh she's so precious. And you are as well, know that.

[@Elysion404]

@@Raf-pv7mp She's absolutely lovely, and thank you 💜 so are you!

[@chloeellman7432]

thats when i started to sob

[@tattoomesam]

As a survivor and have been in that cold dark pit searching for an escape from this miserable experience… just pause… think of ur loved ones finding ur body. The last time I tried I felt my lips wrapped around the cold barrel. It tasted like a salty AA battery. In that moment I thought about my mom finding me. I cried and considered myself a failure once again. I woke up on my bathroom floor, still cold and the floor tile left an imprint on my face. I sold the gun I owned and started over. I managed to live another twenty years and got married and have a beautiful baby boy that is my universe. He was my reason for existing. Well it’s January 21, 2024 today, and my mom just died yesterday. And somehow KZbin recommended me this video. Thank you mom for being there when I needed you most. I know I wasn’t the greatest son in the world but I live each day trying to be a good father.

[@dliap98]

I'm sorry to hear about your mum. and I'm glad you're still here💜

[@alganger]

I’m so sorry for your lost🙏🏻

[@newton7432]

Sorry for your mum

[@erwandupuis5844]

❤❤❤❤

[@eiame77]

Stay strong friend and one day she will welcome you into heaven to stand beside her once again.

[@Asher-_-4]

There's a difference between wanting to die and not wanting to live. We should all understand that.

[@the.seagull.35]

I think they call that passive suicidal ideation. I had it for a long time before I realized it had a name.

[@salsadesooyaa]

​@@the.seagull.35yes, it's called passive suicidal ideation

[@sody9798]

*I’m not suicidal, I’m just tired of living... There’s a difference...* -Unknown

[@InternationalCurls]

And if you don't do something about it the latter may turn into the former

[@NW-zg5qt]

@@InternationalCurls you don't need to do something about it, you need to learn why it happens. A bird cannot teach a squirrel to fly. The squirrel must learn who he is and why he is there.

[@LadyLazarus1027]

that's actually also being suicidal...

[@Chris-eu2ls]

@@NW-zg5qt the squirrel wouldn’t understand the bird nor the bird understand the squirrel. Sorry but that made no sense

[@meije6511]

@@Chris-eu2ls the fu- bro you just gotta understand it y'know?

[@syedraidarsalan4685]

Ever seen anti-suicide videos made by governments. Did they help? Obviously no. But this, this is a masterpiece.

[@reimuhakurei2123]

this tbh

[@Drarack]

Yeah, I dunno. Maybe I'm weird, but this sort of slow-paced sappy shit doesn't really do much for me. Still just boils down to the same tired 'look at the bright side', 'you don't know what you had till it's gone' cliches.

[@reimuhakurei2123]

@@Drarack its always cliche i dont know what your talking about

[@nothoughtsheadempty...8281]

yeah bcoz that's actually made by a suicidal person, not a group of ppl ordered to finish a project. the government doesn't understand that if you want to make someone to listen to you is to listen to them first. to understand how they are feeling. they think that with a plain "do not kill yourself." they finished the deal. it's not that simple and it will never be...

[@melisonline_]

@@Drarack you never really know the impact of hearing it until after attempting it yourself.

[@teejaykaye4357]

This made me cry. I’ve been struggling with depression and burnout for what feels like a decade now and recently have noticed an uptick in suicidal ideation. I truly don’t want to die but sometimes I just don’t want to exist. Watching this beautiful video makes me realize I don’t want to die, I just want to feel alive again.

[@sub2me585]

U good bro?

[@juliabakowska4176]

I don't know you but I wish you'd feel alive again. And I know you will eventually

[@sub2me585]

@@juliabakowska4176 U good bro?

[@anawesomegamer4429]

at least some people find themselves redeemable. i can't redeem myself. all the shit that ever goes wrong is always my fault, people would be way happier if i was just dead. no one cares, no one bothers to ask. no one would care if they found out i had died. they'd just go "oh alright then" and just carry on as if nothing ever happened. that's the thing im looking forward to....... i just wish there weren't so many distractions so i could actually focus on it. i just want to leave this place where the only thing im good at is being a target for harassment.

[@juliabakowska4176]

@@anawesomegamer4429 doesn't the video speak to you? even at the sligthest

[@ominousintrusivethoughts3947]

I killed myself once, I was brought back to life. My first reaction to living was anger. My second was confusion. My third was another attempt. My fourth was reconciliation. My fifth was profound happiness

[@aubree7524]

“Life isn’t about how hard a hit you can take, it’s about how many hits you can take and still get up and keep going.”

[@SNFXVlogs]

Is that a rocky quote ?

[@parulpatel9179]

ARMY 💜

[@RyanGamesYT]

It's not about how hard you can hit, it's about hard you can get hit and keep moving forward

[@lastcoloroftherainbow9060]

hey army💜

[@xatiter]

Damn, that's so true.

[@andrewpogue83]

"Think of yourself as dead. You have lived your life. Now take what's left and live it properly." - Marcus Aurelius

[@Kelberi]

thanks

[@drefloresca95]

the past friend of mine who recommended me that book recently died by suicide. i still miss him so much.

[@flowersmile123]

Nice quote.

[@marcusaurelius2787]

Apparently that's easier said than done for most

[@andrewpogue83]

@@marcusaurelius2787 It's easier said than done for all.

[@KenDeep-ky8oi]

Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.

[@FletcherHackman]

Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Germany. Really need

[@Vuitton-uj1hz]

Yes, dr.poress. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.

[@HealthyPriestessSophie]

I wish they were readily available in my place. Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac. He's constantly talking about killing someone. He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.

[@FletcherHackman]

Is he on instagram?

[@Vuitton-uj1hz]

Yes he is dr.poress.

[@charlotteryner6583]

A friend and coworker killed herself last weekend. She was despondent because her son killed himself last year. I am at a loss for how to feel. Thank you for this video. 😢

[@NellaJade]

May she and her son both rest in peace. My condolences. They’re together now.

[@BraniG-psyc03]

❤❤

[@Madouwithlove]

this feel like a hug when you're actually suicidal

[@thestoryoflife368]

Message me whenever you need to talk to someone

[@silinduranwala3675]

It truly is!!

[@morgonwalters1885]

No better way to explain it this poem has saved me so much .

[@LA-fr4gp]

Felt that

[@osakathebest]

fr

[@Selam-fr4lf]

When I want to stop existing, I feel it’s because I’m tired of living. I always remember later, it’s not life I hate, it’s the mask I’m wearing. I wish to be free, not dead.

[@lynnlavy2992]

Wearing a mask is all I have ever done until very recently. By wearing a mask I never attracted truly kind and like minded people. But the narcissists saw through my mask and saw how vulnerable I really was. I had no problem attracting them and they were all I had.

[@brunomendes8031]

@@lynnlavy2992 I don't think any mask you can wear is going to be effective hiding your true self. Maybe take it out, and good people will come to you. They are rare, but they exist

[@lynnlavy2992]

@@brunomendes8031 Rare i deed, Thank you Bruno. I do appreciate your comment.

[@virginiacollins]

I find that I tell myself I’m wearing a mask rather than wearing one. It think helps with my deep self hatred if I tell my self that all the actions I do are not “my own” and “it’s my mask” it helps me distance my brain and my actual self. I can’t escape it now it’s become so natural to me. I just want to love myself again love the things I say and do and not say that it’s a “mask” or “not me” I don’t even know who me is. Well this is a KZbin comment that no one will ever find so lol.

[@Selam-fr4lf]

@@virginiacollins I understand. I find it easier to be mask free when I’m meeting someone for the first time (they don’t have an expectation of me yet) or after I’ve slowly built trust with someone and see they’re the kind of person who accepts everyone. It use to feel like I had a control station in my head and I was evaluating which response would make someone like me more/etc. Now I try to do/say the first thing that pops in my head. Jordan Peterson and Thais Gibson videos on KZbin helped me understand myself. I believe you can live the life you deserve 💖

[@moreliaadams88]

The first time I watched this video.. I was 14 maybe 15. I was suicidal. I was broken. I was a shell of the girl I wanted to be. My whole life I had grown up chasing a dream that I thought was possible. Chasing a reality that I wanted to be true. A few days ago my best friend told me he loved me. I feel like I should be feeling something? I know I should. But, I can’t? I was sexually and physically abused as a child and it went on until my late teens. I was able to get out of it for a few years but during that time I had left my family behind. My siblings. Those ones that I was supposed to protect as the oldest. I believed that there was no hope during the time that I left then because I was so scared of never seeing them again. This right here, this masterpiece, this is what made me keep going… Tonight, I’m trying to find a way to feel. A way to remember what it was like to have dreams and ambitions. Because I know that they’re there. I know that I can have hope. I choose to be strong. I’m 20, I’m young, I’m back with my siblings renting a house with the eldest while the others are living with our mom… I know a lot of people say that it sucks to grow up young… but I just want to say, that I’m glad I did. Because it made me the person I am today. I don’t know if this was hopeful or what… I don’t think it’ll help anybody to be honest… I just, wrote it for me? For the woman I want to be and the girl I lost that used to be me.

[@Acielx]

Even though it’s hard to chase that dream you want to be true. Keep going and keep pushing. It’s hard to really believe in making the future a reality especially with being numb, not knowing how to react or how to respond to certain things that should make you happy or sad or flustered or scared, it’s all such a mess…though I do like to believe that learning how to feel again is possible it’s incredibly difficult but I think that the key is to know what makes you feel a tug, a real tug, not one that you force yourself to feel or react to. Something unexpected that you struggle to explain, something that creates a moment of emotion in you even if it’s just for a flicker…once that sparks, don’t ever let it go out, keep chasing it and fanning the flame until you can see the world as colorful as a child would.

[@erwandupuis5844]

❤❤❤❤

[@Fodnex]

"Despite everything, it's still you" - Toby Fox

[@sub2me585]

U good bro?

[@athvii]

Keep going, similar things happened with my partner in her early teenage. I'm proud to see her becoming the strong woman she always dreamed of.

[@BlueIdiotPie]

"the morning after I killed myself I tried to unkill myself, but I couldn't finish what I started" is so powerful. I might just get that tattooed onto me, right next to the Avatar quote about hope being something you give yourself

[@BlueberryRacha]

"I'm too tired to stay...I'm too scared to leave" You don't wanna die, you just want relief...

[@lostinwonderland6873]

Don't please don't life wouldn't be the same without you. Please don't healing will come.

[@lostinwonderland6873]

@@arakoz don't please don't, you have loved ones though you don't see it right now, please don't you are not alone I promise you that. My daughter has tried multiple times without me knowing I promise you now that I know her pain and illness their is help I promise you like my daughter you are not alone

[@DSchae2165]

yes

[@cadence4674]

exactly thats how I feel I don't want to loose my life, I just want to be free from it..(I'm not scared tho, I just worry)

[@joontae7065]

Stay for bts💗💜 I don't how you are now But please stay for your future Please stay for namjoon, seokjin, min yoongi, hobi, jungkook, jimin, taehyung I love you

[@ShadoWolf43]

I read a really interesting piece recently. It was titled “why do people jump” and showed a famous picture of a man jumping off a building. The article went on to say that what if in this photo we could see the building was on fire and the pain of burning was greater then jumping. Just because we can’t see the fire doesn’t mean it’s not there. No one wants to jump or die but The fire that’s been burning in their mind for so long is so powerful and painful that jumping is the less painful option. It summed up depression and suicidal thoughts really clearly for me so just wanted to share

[@TomorrowWeLive]

This

[@ShadoWolf43]

@@ivexoxo Yes that one! Didn't realize till you said it and I looked it up

[@valerievalentova]

Any chance you'd be able to find that article? I'd like to read it but can't seem to find it

[@cockycookie1]

This is beautiful. Thank you.

[@faeinacup]

This, this is beautiful

[@soeatable3863]

A few weeks ago a coworker asked me why I was daydreamingly looking at the ceiling. And I answered "just picking the best beam" in a joking manner but in the same moment my own words shocked me because they held some truth. And looking at his eyes I could tell he felt the same. I'm scared of myself these days, yet I know I couldn't go through with anything because there is too much love surrounding me. I'm just crying for help. Thank you for putting these videos out here

[@lovelyshirl]

I totally relate. I'm saying prayers for you 🙏🙏🙏

[@aninarohr9205]

You are not alone! I‘m glad there is so much love surrounding you. So so glad. Take care❤️

[@LaSmol]

One of my favourite teachers killed himself around 9 months ago and it almost seemed like nobody in my class even cared. Most of them were joking and laughing, happy to have a "day off" (god bless the gym teacher for bringing the news and then letting us do what we wanted in the gym area). Honestly, it took quite a lot of help from people to convince me I couldn't have prevented it and especially for me to not join him. I still feel bad now, and angry for my classmates not being there at all. None of them even showed up to an optional ceremony to him in our central area, but it really has made me appreciate my friends, family and teachers more. Even now, I sometimes look at busses or cars riding past, or down from a high story in my school, and I am just so done and think about doing it, but I just feel so. Ashamed of it. Even more of telling anybody that I know about this, because the only real knowledge I have about it is people calling him "selfish" for taking his own life. (I am so sorry for this, but I needed this off my chest, and saw other posts here.)

[@amycopeland1701]

❤

[@kathynicholson103]

Please just remember, the only constant in life is change. No matter what your current situation is, it will change at some point. Hang on, try to find beauty and joy in life. Things will change. And the world is better with you in it! ❤

[@davidthe16th90]

*The morning after I killed myself* *I fell in love with life*

[@Kelberi]

deep!

[@selene2048]

Bruh moment

[@ss-tz6fj]

The poem would touch me alot more if it said that

[@StatchanaReborn]

Was waiting this

[@heidiho5179]

@@ss-tz6fj That’s the point of it. It does say that...you just have to follow each of the examples of falling in love with life, given by the author, to that conclusion. It hit me deeper that way, because I had to figure it out. Btw, I love your screen name. I think it just sort of capsulizes how I feel about taking time to do anything on here LOL.

[@sidharthsaswatprusty5771]

"The morning after I killed myself I tried to unkill myself". This part hurts

[@agustinastclair2203]

🥲🥲🥲

[@badiewithoutthebodie]

That part hit me hard as shit

[@SCP_with_a_stolen_phone_hehe]

@@Godblessed2 I have tried to hang myself and It was the worst thing one can imagine. I didn't make the upper knot right so I fell and lived but I could have died that day and never experienced the beauty of my surroundings. I'm 14 and still suicidal sadly but at least I didn't try it since so maybe I'll get better

[@bethschaefer18]

@@SCP_with_a_stolen_phone_hehe Please don't ever think about it again! Your life is going to change in so many beautiful ways! You just have to fight hard on the days the demon whispers in your ear, tell him to F-off, you're going to have a wonderful life! Love & Light to You ❤️

[@bethschaefer18]

@@Godblessed2 I watched a documentary on jumpers of the Golden Gate bridge, San Francisco, they interviewed the a survivor and he said... “the minute I let go, I wished I hadn't”. It's amazing, I don't know how he survived!

[@unshapedalloy4620]

The first time i watched this when i was 12. I thought i was truly done for. Now 14 and helping other people with their thoughts. Things heal with time everyone. Please, if your reading this. Take what i say into account

[@_kyttn]

Oh sweetie 🥺 how are you doing?

[@nikkithakarthikeyan4275]

I’m in the same situation as you rn, but instead, at 14 I’m relapsing instead of being healed.

[@calisongbird]

They say suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. But what about problems that are not temporary, such as a debilitating and incurable disease that will cause severe suffering?

[@_Sloppyham]

It’s ultimately up to the person to decide for themselves if life is worth continuing. For a lot of people they see death as the easier way out than struggling for a better future. I don’t blame them, it’s hard man. Really. Fucking. Hard. These are the kinds of people I would be wanting to help even if they wanted to die. They have a chance at a better life, and for some reason that’s enough for me. For someone who is dealing with something that cannot be solved such as an incurable illness that causes extreme suffering every day, that is a person with no future in terms of a life of no extreme suffering. If they don’t consider life worth living, I’d say that’s fair and they should be able to make that choice for themselves. I genuinely believe all illnesses will be cured in less than 10 years or we’ll all be dead by then. So there’s that point of view as well, that an incurable diseases will end up cured in the future. AI is magical in it’s potential but equally terrifying as a result. That’s just my two cents on the topic. I hope you’re doing ok man!

[@_kyttn]

🥺 this is what I’m understanding about suicide. When you take your own life you snuff out any chance for God to rescue you. The beauty of life comes in regarding our choices. Everyday we’re flooded with so much goodness. We’re so used to experiencing the goodness that comes along with existence that we truly take it for granted that we can feel however we choose to feel. We can love whatever we choose to love and we can decide to fill our lives with as much joy as we can create for ourselves. This isn’t easy but in comparison to the alternative it’s a variable we can control. Suicide however, freezes you in a span of time that conceptually won’t end. And then on top of everything you took your life for you’re now tormented with the absence of every one of Gods gifts that you took for granted. Like this poem, the author found sweetness in the little things. Things that when you’re struggling aren’t enough to feel sweet, but remain beautiful despite our ability to perceive it anyway. Once you’re gone you’re gone. In terms of the debilitating disease, there’s a story in beginning of the book “Success and a positive mental attitude“ that I truly think you’ll find inspiring. A farmer became paralyzed from the neck down. He managed, in that state to create a multimillion dollar business and live the rest of his life happy and fulfilled. It was his mindset that set him apart. Check out the book. Recommending it to you has reminded me to give it another read, thank you 🙏

[@AceOfWaffles]

Even diseases that can’t be cured can usually still be treated. I don’t know what condition you’re referring to specifically, but there are probably ways symptoms can be somewhat alleviated. Painful lives are still lives worth living, and I’m sure there are things doctors or even the people around you can do to help your life be less painful. I hope that whatever is wrong it gets better with time or treatment. I think it’s weird that some people think it’s okay for disabled people to die because they figure their lives aren’t worth living anyway. That’s not true. Everyone should be able to live as freely and painlessly as possible. If there’s things that doctors or the people around you can do to make things easier, I encourage you to ask them to. Some people have painful life-long symptoms, but they can still be generally happy. Learning to live with a disability can be very difficult, and society sure doesn’t make it any easier, but it is very possible, and I hope you are able to be happy and live a long life. 💕💞💕

[@69therat]

​@@AceOfWafflesnot with ALS.

[@dave7474]

​@@AceOfWaffles painful lives are still worth living? LOL horrible horrible thing to say to someone, sitting on the throne of a functioning body. Heartless comment

[@gigibeal]

this is honestly what schools should show for suicidal awarness month cuz the corny lil "you are not alone." poems are kinda getting reptitive at this point.

[@jasmineg38]

@@poopskinniccer9992 was this supposed to be funny 😐

[@gigibeal]

@@jasmineg38 that's what i was wondering ://

[@bobapearl9565]

My school dosent even being up suicide awareness month

[@magpie322]

I know. Like, I know I'm not alone, but the fact that so many people make such a big deal out of something the second that you say the smallest thing makes me want to hide again

[@oreowaflles]

@@bobapearl9565 yeah mine neither

[@abbiebennett4761]

It’ll be three years since my last attempt on the 28th of this month. I’m starting grad school soon, getting married, all that.... I never thought I’d make it this far. But I am so grateful I did.

[@cassiadsouza709]

I'm so happy you've grown and gotten this far! Sending you lots of love and happiness.

[@de4830]

in a week it will be one year since my first attempt and i’m just going downhill towards it. i’m so proud of you for making it this far, you can do this ❤️

[@allisonpeschek7929]

I'm so proud of you that you did. Please keep going.

[@katie9869]

I’m so proud of you

[@pizzapepperonipizza]

You did WELL,LUV

[@RoseBeariess]

Interesting that this video found me tonight… I almost ended my life about 3 years ago. It was the closest I had ever come and tonight, I started having those thoughts again. This just reminded me of everything I would’ve missed and would continue to miss if I wasn’t here. Thank you ❤

[@joachimlavandes5708]

"Funny" KZbin suggested me this today as I was at the hospital yesterday after a suicidal crisis. Called the emergency hotline. They helped, they took me to emergencies. Thanks to them. Great poem. Great video. Thank you. (Did not hurt myself physically. I am okay today.)

[@KS-wk6uk]

“The secret of life is to die before you die and find that there’s no death.” -Rumi

[@delicious9930]

A lot like what Marcus Aurelius preached. There’s a deep sense of peace which invades me just thinking about it

[@vngelicath1580]

That’s literally the Christian message in a nutshell. When you realize that you’ve already died to yourself - the second death becomes an illusion... then you render yourself unstoppable.

[@dramaboyle6525]

This sound like buddhism

[@tikatikb]

[@starrynight5207]

@@dramaboyle6525 rumi was a sufi, just to clarify

[@STAYTM0325]

I'm not suicidal and this made me want to live for a thousand years.

[@MsXOXO]

proud of you!

[@ModernIntuitionist]

That's the highest compliment. It's what good art should do

[@purebliss2669]

The only way to receive true happiness is to be born again.Jesus loves you and is coming back to earth soon.You need to repent.Please believe and spread the word...

[@whooiszaza]

Tahrima Moula Tanisa proud of you ♡︎

[@judeweraduwage280]

Become an eternally-roaming spirit like me then

[@kaid341]

As someone who has struggled with not only suicidal thoughts but also countless failed attempts, this hit me hard. After having come back to a stable point in my life and after having found love, I have found this. And I realize how much it resonated with me. For the first time in quite a while I felt as though I was seen- not viewed and ignored, but truly seen. As if someone was perched in my mind and showing me myself yet from another's eyes, someone who truly cared and worried for me, despite knowing that the author does not know me. My family has never found out about my attempts, and only a select few people who truly know me have learned the details. And I hope, frankly, that it remains that way, a hidden relic of my past, I hope to continue to heal, now with the help of my boyfriend, and to stride farther away from this point in my life.

[@towel_gaming]

Have a good day, week, month year or however long you live, enjoy yourself to the fullest

[@furinaaaa4]

you are loved, you got this!

[@Galamigator_yt]

I want to say thank you This video is part of the reason why I'm still alive today... it first got recommended for me shortly after it came out The thumbnail really made me think about everything and it helped me out of that dark place because it showed up almost everyday... I never watched until today but it really helped me and wanted to thank you for making me think and helping me even though you never knew it

[@user-lf6dv9qq8f]

I was told there is a great difference between not wanting to live anymore, and not wanting to _live_ _like_ _this_ anymore

[@fionaxd2748]

🙏🏼🙏🏼❣️

[@spilledmilk_]

yeah i saved a quote similar to this on a notepad. brb- * ahem * ... hold on i have multiple quotes for s**cîde, please listen :') "i don't want to die, i just don't want to live like this, because this is _just staying alive_ and i hate it." - "don't think that life is over when you haven't even felt ALIVE yet" - "do not do something permanent over something temporary. you'll regret it" - "every star must see darkness before the light" and my favourite one:

[@mj-je7el]

Im there now 😥😥💔💔

[@socb5642]

sooo true

[@7starlight115]

@@spilledmilk_ my tears fall down as i read this. Thankyou for your effort to share this with us 🌹❤️

[@johnny5gr]

It's such a lovely contradiction between melancholia and optimism.

[@illneas]

Exactly and Iness I think captured it greatly with her voice.

[@johnny5gr]

@@illneas Totally. Kudos to both of you. You bring people like me closer to poetry.

[@tommyaguirre3479]

@@illneas she did.

[@enfrazi9721]

@@effiet9348 psychic state of depression but with no specific reason

[@rosa7264]

@@effiet9348 I wouldn't say that it's a psychic state of depression - it's more like finding comfort in the sadness in an often somehow artistic way. That's the strange thing about it, because some people "can't" experience raw happiness without this little hint of melancholia in it - it can be drowning but also enjoyable. U don't have to be depressed to know how melancholia feels like.

[@LovaBoy2212]

I'm not suicidal I'm not alone I'm not unwanted I'm not worthless I'm just lost

[@David280GG]

Im just tired

[@sub2me585]

R u good bro?

[@sub2me585]

Are u good bro?@@David280GG

[@sub2me585]

Are u good bro?

[@sub2me585]

Are u good bro?

[@holczy0]

This felt like going outside and touching grass after weeks of rotting inside.

[@Crystal-rj6lt]

The only reason i havent ended it is because someone once told me “If you do, your dog will always wonder why mommy never came home.“

[@rattoota]

My cat is pretty much the only reason im still here

[@sara-rc2hr]

@@rattoota That's great, that's something. If no one told you today, I love you. Please don't give up, it in some ways, definitely gets better. Do the best you can do even if it's minimum. Surviving is hard too. Wishing you happy days and hope. Love, A stranger who cares just like your cat does:)

[@auquiambao807]

Well, same. Having the thought that no one will take care and love my dog the same as I do keeps me sane and stay alive😅

[@xosruxor]

Yep here for my cat & snake always 💖

[@simezimi34]

I care. I hope you're okay.

[@nightshade9177]

As someone who is suicidal, I felt something after watching this. And it makes me think, that maybe I should hold on a little longer.

[@tifanir5298]

Please, please do.

[@7epha527]

stay

[@sristighosh3446]

stay, it'll get better

[@pumkkin6648]

Don't hold on a little longer... Hold on and don't let go!

[@leobeloved]

stay for me. sending love, random stranger.

[@haridaspalleeri6765]

Every once in a while you watch something that resonates with you so deep that you just sit there and contemplate what you just watched. Thank you for this.

[@lechata]

Once, when I was 15 years old, I made an attempt. I remember stepping off the bus after school with a firm resolve. I wasn't sad or angry; I was simply determined. That night, I ingested all the pills I could find at home and went to bed. Yes, I was scared. The next morning, I woke up feeling groggy but alive. I had to go to school, to carry on with life as if nothing had happened. That year wasn't easy, but the following one was better. It's been 35 years since then, and I'm grateful I didn't succeed. My life isn't perfect, but it's worth living, without a doubt.

[@ShoSho-wu2oi]

My little Sister hung herself and was one of the lucky ones because she was cut down and after months of rehabilitation to get her organs working properly again and get the yellowness from her skin, she sat with me and told me that the moment she was dying was the moment that she had never wanted to live more in her life, she tells me about the petals in the flowers being brighter than ever and the sounds of her environment are so amplified, the love she feels for her family and herself. xxx

[@normalpeople012]

Amen! I hope you and your family and sister are safe . God loves you

[@lenap9667]

I've heard stories like this before and they always make me tear up! I'm so glad your sister is still with us ❤

[@de4830]

wow. i’ve never heard from a survivor in that way before, i’d love to more.

[@gmariailman]

god bless your family!

[@nataliepowell9616]

wow this made me cry. such a beautiful story. so happy for her recovery

[@depresso-messo6665]

what sucks is being aware of all this beauty but having an immense sadness that trumps over it all, every single second of the day

[@lynnlavy2992]

Well put. So many people try to fight this monster. It is exhausting and soul crushing. Gratitude and positivity is not nearly enough when our brains our chemically lacking or not functioning as they should.

[@loisreugebrink4968]

I hear you, for quit a while a struggled with a depression on somedays I was able to see the beauty and the good but on most I just felt overwhelmed with a sense of darkness. Everything felt meaningless and it felt like my soul had already died while my body was still forced to life out the days. I struggled with suicidal thoughts. I would really recommend watching this video below: kzbin.info/www/bejne/nITZfImNqJutfcU I don’t what is going on in your head or in your life just know that Jesus loves you and ending your life is not the only way to end the pain. I struggled with a depression and getting through the day often seemed impossible but Jesus got me out that place. Just know that ending your life is not the only way to end the pain or frustration. I hope you see this and look at the video. The Bible app also has great Bible plans on depression that helped me out a lot. I hope and pray that you will find inner peace. It will get better even if that seems impossible. I will definitely be praying for you and know that I am rooting for you :) I really believe that there will come a day when you are no longer trying to survive the day but exactly be capable of being present and enjoy it. But for now please hold on. It will get better even if that seems impossible. “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.” ‭‭Jeremiah‬ ‭29:11-13‬ ‭NLT‬‬ www.bible.com/116/jer.29.11-13.nlt

[@loisreugebrink4968]

@@lynnlavy2992 I hear you, for quit a while a struggled with a depression on somedays I was able to see the beauty and the good but on most I just felt overwhelmed with a sense of darkness. Everything felt meaningless and it felt like my soul had already died while my body was still forced to life out the days. I struggled with suicidal thoughts. I would really recommend watching this video below: kzbin.info/www/bejne/nITZfImNqJutfcU I don’t what is going on in your head or in your life just know that Jesus loves you and ending your life is not the only way to end the pain. I struggled with a depression and getting through the day often seemed impossible but Jesus got me out that place. Just know that ending your life is not the only way to end the pain or frustration. I hope you see this and look at the video. The Bible app also has great Bible plans on depression that helped me out a lot. I hope and pray that you will find inner peace. It will get better even if that seems impossible. I will definitely be praying for you and know that I am rooting for you :) I really believe that there will come a day when you are no longer trying to survive the day but exactly be capable of being present and enjoy it. But for now please hold on. It will get better even if that seems impossible. If you are able please try to find help. Talk to people and try to continue to fight. You are worth fighting for. “Don’t be afraid of them because the LORD your God is the one who will be fighting for you.” ‭‭Deuteronomy‬ ‭3:22‬ ‭CEB‬‬ www.bible.com/37/deu.3.22.ceb “But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.” ‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭40:31‬ ‭NLT‬‬ www.bible.com/116/isa.40.31.nlt

[@lynnlavy2992]

@@loisreugebrink4968 You are precious and thank you so very much. I will watch the video and I will work on feeling better. I think I have found a home and my people in this channel. I have always hidden the pain and I look forward to more help and less judgement for future generations. Thank you again, and I wish you blessings, good health, safety, and God's love.

[@chloereed454]

It would help if people were kinder to each other. Some people have no idea they’re actions could effect someone’s mental health. It’s amazing what kindness can do to someone struggling with trying to stay alive..

[@manux3097]

I'm 17 and I have a lot of bad thoughts due to feeling lonely and worthless and most of that is because of myself. This video just showed up in my recommended and I just had a chat with a friend about how I wish that I wasn't there anymore and wanted to dissappear . So ehm thank you for posting this

[@Anonymous-gu5ch]

I feel really trapped. I want to embrace adulthood and responsibility but I'm scared my own incompetence will burden others and make me fail.

[@amycopeland1701]

@Anonymous-gu5ch- no adult has got it all together. Adulthood will come all too soon with its many responsibilities & burdens. Please learn to enjoy your season of life where you're at now. Life flies by so fast already. ❤

[@StrikerCup79]

“with my brother who once believed in unicorn but who now sat in his desk at school trying desperately to believe i still existed” that was deep

[@briar947]

two little brothers. thinking of this quote.

[@zainabchattha5334]

That trauma...

[@kathymatamoros4963]

not deep but relatable

[@hearthartemis8881]

@@kathymatamoros4963 It was deep for me as my brother was the one who witnessed my attempt at suicide and since then he was always sticking by my side wherever I go.

[@kathymatamoros4963]

@@hearthartemis8881 no need to tell me your life and what you are describing is that it was relatable

[@Andreas137]

Sometimes, the only reason why you're still here, is because you care more about the people you would leave behind... than yourself...

[@Andreas137]

@@Keepignoringmeh Then I am glad we both have people we love

[@atom-kx7yf]

Yep

[@annaairahala9462]

I don't think this is accurate. A lot of suicidal people think they are doing their loved ones a favor by ridding themselves. That low self-esteem and little value some people put in themselves I think is the more common occurrence

[@nonpine]

@@annaairahala9462 i agree with both statements, it honestly depends on the person.

[@thenovaguy386]

And yeah...

[@LonelySkies]

this video reminds me of the good things in life, family, friends, pets and so on, it reminds me that no matter how hard things get, i am not alone. there will be extremely bad days where you don’t even want to get out of bed but there will also be great ones where you don’t want it to ever end. things will get better, they may not seem like it but they will eventually. you aren’t alone.

[@syndihanson5710]

I still have my negative thoughts, been going on for a long time, been through a lot for 3 years now., but other people have gone through worse, my furry baby keeps me going, yet if I get to that point, I have a good place for her.

[@Drewbius333]

I wish my uncle had seen this before he took his own life. I wish I could talk to him once more and let him know how much he means to me. I miss him, and I regret not being there for him when he needed it the most.

[@themarschievous]

i cried when she said "I fell in love with my mother, who sat on the floor in my room"...

[@asadwholesomememe2749]

Same

[@asadwholesomememe2749]

And when she said, "I tried to unkill myself because I couldn't finish what i started."

[@number1a-hafan633]

I cried the whole time

[@themarschievous]

@Gemmariah Beadle I felt your comment. Listen, you know youre not alone. My uncle beat cancer this Feb and he was fighting it for two years. And sometimes even I feel so shitty but it all assembles when i think how bad days make us appreciate the good ones. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. There are millions of people like you and I. Dont give up because there are people who NEED you. And feel free to text me anytime. PLEASE.💜

[@brandyburkhart6423]

@Gemmariah Beadle Jesus loves you precious, call upon His name, accept Him as your saviour, with repentance and forgivness. He has a beautiful place for you where there is no more pain or sadness and there it is over flowing with love for you. He is the love of your life. Blessings to you, my prayers are for you. Much love.

[@nai1729]

“Suicide doesn’t end the chances of life getting worse, it eliminates the possibility of it ever getting any better.” -unknown

[@winterstorms5]

Nothing has ever hit this hard.

[@singleinbav1340]

Thanks

[@SamuelBlack84]

Sometimes, life never gets better no matter how hard you try. It just gets worse

[@serendipity6726]

@@SamuelBlack84 don’t say that... One day, it’ll be better!

[@ansleylobo8042]

@@serendipity6726 we can only hope, but sometimes for some people suicide can give them peace. It would be wrong to tell them to stick around for something that pains then and that committing suicide is bad

[@ihaventaname2686]

absolutely sobbing at the "i fell in love with my mother" cuz goddamn that is so true i would not be alive without her

[@A_certainUser]

I actually cried the second it started talking about the people. I want to have kids when I’m older (I’m a teenager that so..) and the thought of loosing my child or my sister or anyone I love to something like that breaks my heart. If someone sees this, keep fighting. Because I can only imagine how much pain that would cause someone.

[@haritanambiar4914]

"The morning after I killed myself, I fell in love with life." Only this statement once told to me has given me the strength to hang in there.

[@sanjibonnyburagohain4995]

I hope you have overcome it.

[@bedwar12494]

just don't *hang in there*

[@hONeyBunZnSunNyFunZ]

@@bedwar12494 LMAOOOOO

[@DontNoahLot]

terrible wording

[@brooketaylor808]

So true. I tried to kill myself last week on Monday. I was so tired. The day after however I could feel something had changed a lot. Now I realize it's that I fell in love with life again. I started looking for a job, started looking for what I wanted to do in life. Started making actual changes. It's really hard but I don't want to die I just don't want to think like this anymore

[@midge.]

“Suicide doesn’t take the pain away, it gives it to someone else.”

[@user-wm7ny3ty2n]

The pain is felt even by strangers. Well said.

[@adinenegaming4803]

I never thought about that...

[@daniella7551]

@@user-wm7ny3ty2n I feel really stupid about it but: there was this kid, a year older than me, never talked, sat next to me. I remember wanting to be friends with him. I left the school and got really depressed and suicidal, then months later when I got better I heard that he hung himself. I cried for hours that night. He felt what I was feeling and he didn’t tell anyone about it. What if he regretted it in his last moments (people who survived always say they did), but he couldn’t stop it. He was in so much pain, I wish I could have told him that it does get better. I could’ve been in his position if I didn’t tell my mom about it. I wish he could’ve lived a full life. I wish I could’ve met him. I’m older than him now. I never met him, but I miss him. I still cry every time I think about it and I still celebrate his birthday by myself. Every time I wanna take my life, I think of him. I hope he’s happy and in a better place, he deserves to be.

[@daniella7551]

I’m currently really depressed again, but I’m waiting for the day I’m better because I wanna live my life for him.

[@adinenegaming4803]

@@daniella7551 I'm so sorry to hear this🥺 I really hope you get better!

[@ILOVEBakugo-32]

Ive never been in such a position but watching this still felt so emotional. I hope anyome going through a tough time lives to see the good, because there is ❤

[@Mar-cc4oj]

One of my closest childhood friends committed suicide when he was only 13. His name was Carter. We were friends since we were 6 years old. He was my first friend in the United States and the only kid who made an effort to get to know me when I didn’t speak English yet. We traded Pokemon cards on the bus every day and he taught me what everything meant and which cards I should never give away. I walked into school the day he passed and all the teachers were crying. When us students were finally told what happened that morning, my whole world collapsed. I didn’t cry for the first few minutes after I found out because I couldn’t believe it. When the tears came, they didn’t stop for years. There were no more classes that day and the rest of the week because the teachers couldn’t bear to teach without him and the students couldn’t bear to learn without him. Almost everyone in my grade went to his funeral. Most people wore black but I wore a pokeball sweatshirt and an Ash Ketchum hat in his honor. The hardest I’ve ever cried in my life was when I saw his small casket being carried down the isle. After the funeral service we all gathered at the same park where our 5th grade graduation was held years before. The same park where Carter had once chased me with a water gun, laughing and smiling as we ran in the sun after eating sandwiches and popsicles together. We each released a red balloon for him. His favorite color. He loved the color red, Pokemon, Minecraft, Dragon Ball Z, potatoes, reading, and making people laugh. He was the goofiest, kindest, purest soul I’ve ever known. One time I missed my bus stop so I got off at his and he walked me home. I tried to convince him that I could go alone but he insisted on taking me. “The world is a dangerous place and I want to protect you,” he said as we walked. I remember staring at him from my window as he walked back home alone after dropping me off (my mom and I offered to drive him home but he didn’t let us) and feeling overwhelmed with gratitude. I thought about that moment when I visited his grave alone and sang to him for hours. I thought about that moment every time I cried for him, which was every day for years. I am 21 years old now. 8 years have passed since he left this world and I still have dreams about him often, ones where he’s still alive. I wish he knew how much I loved him. How much his family loved him. How much the entire school loved him. If you read all of this, thank you for taking the time to hear my story and please know that there are people who care about you even when you can’t see it. Life can be ugly but ultimately it is beautiful and living is worth it. If you can’t live for yourself, live for the people that love you and eventually you will live for yourself too because life will get better, I promise.

[@vanhuynh774]

I wish you the best of luck and thank you for your story.

[@Mila-vw2og]

"i saw the empty space in her eyes when she reached a stick and turned around to greet me, so we could play catch, but saw nothing, but sky in my place" im sobbing

[@DonnaLew52]

as the mother of a suicide I cried through the whole thing

[@just_lex1626]

this part made me really sad as well.

[@sootcoot8712]

I want to get a dog. Something to keep my lows to not go too low and the unconditional love every morning as i wake up.

[@dolorosaenigmakil]

What about this resonated with you most? 🌌

[@krwawamary7683]

I'm sorry that I have ever thought of killing myself...😭 I just want to know that someone REALLY loves me and REALLY understands me, not leaving me after two months :( Am I born in the wrong time line? I'm trans in the fucking Poland section, and also disabled (schizophrenia and spectrum of autism). Every time I try reach out and talk to people, they don't have time or courage to explain me :"what I'm doing wrong in the terms of social norms?" and even they tell me, this is the signal mostly about " gtfo, we don't want you here!" It is that much that I want decent job so I can have stable Internet connection, food and soap? That I want "to have" (loved one isn't my property, is single human) love one?

[@lenor.4303]

as a person who is suicidal, this hurts to watch. i’m crying-

[@eggles2896]

I hope you’re better.. :( me too,

[@b4nny816]

I love you for staying strong:)))

[@doooooo567]

Stay strong. You’re stronger than you think❤️

[@kimberligarcia4]

Me too

[@hpieces]

I hope everything is gonna be ok for you :) I’m here when you need me

[@BlueSunset36]

this video made me realize that even though i have had suicidal thoughts for over a year now, i should never, ever. i really thank you for posting this video. i started crying while watching it because this is exactly what i picture happening to me.

[@ray_anyway]

Every now and then I come back to this video just to remind myself. Thank you for making this video and thank you to Meggie for writing the poem.

[@VtheNPC]

Brain: Suicide is the answer, it won't hurt anymore. Heart: But my dog will forever be searching for me.

[@piaj2742]

I love you. Please stay. You are an amazing person and you deserve happiness

[@srso4660]

Please stay and finish out your life's purpose. You are loved and needed here by all ❤️

[@dragonstudioproductions1398]

@@assassin2550 shut up.

[@assassin2550]

@@dragonstudioproductions1398 your life also doesn't matter

[@hehehebhe9965]

@UCm38yfvxJrbvkLJhK8bFgrg 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣r u an ok😑

[@izzya7274]

I didn’t start crying until they started talking about their dog. My bubs is the only reason I’m still here

[@trinitymeeuw7410]

Are you taking care of yourself? If you even wanna talk I'm truly here for you

[@jessicainthekitchen-veganr963]

You matter so much Izzy ❤️ I'm thinking of you and I'm here for you

[@Beelzebubby91]

Same here. If I didn’t have my family or my pets I would be gone a looooonnnggg time ago

[@shay2166]

same )

[@noorfarishah5486]

same . My cat died last week

[@opluvia]

I swear this video is in my recommendations while i'm having my worst. The only reason i'm alive is that i don't want to be haunted by my family screaming and i don't want to be the reason of their trauma. World's too heavy for me and i can barely breath, my heart aches every second. Everything scares me and everything's just exhausting at the same time. I'm so tired

[@lifequotient]

My mom's sister took her own life years ago now... I still think about her and all of the moments she could have shared with us.. so many beautiful moments with new children in the family, new pets, even just sharing a meal or a conversation around the fire. I wish she was here

[@asteroid435]

i was 13, i never expected to ever make it to 15 or even 14. I'm 17 now. I'm still here. I'm still here. I'm still here.

[@_R.e.m.i_]

Thts a fighter right there. If u can survive all of those thoughts and feelings and loneliness and hard times All by yourself Trust me, NTH can break u 👍💖 Dk u but I’m proud of u, thanks. Thanks for being alive, it’s truly making a difference.

[@zii3955]

Thanks for being alive, darling. I'm so proud of you.

[@eskaywai]

the video made me tear up but this comment made me break down. i'm so proud of you, lovely human, thank you for being here. i am turning 17 tomorrow and i feel the same.

[@charaoharathecowboy]

I know how it feels. And I'm just glad that we can still observe the beauty of this world and enjoy small and big things, when we thought we wouldn't even make it to this day.

[@beaniesintheclouds]

I was also 13. I also never expected to make it farther than 14. I’m also 17, and still here. Still here. We’re still here. I’m proud of you. You keep going, pal, and I will too. We’ll try our best.

[@kikaha56]

I came really close to hanging myself in a tree. As I sat there on the branch 2 little girls ran by below me. I could not go through with it then for the fear of them finding me. I climbed down looked around and there was no sign of them. To this day I call them my little angels.I thank you so much for this.

[@MISSMADISONMEDIA]

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[@wendyshaw5658]

Definitely your guardian angels watching over you in life

[@t.n.h.ptheneohumanpatterna8334]

Your hallucinating lol 😂

[@torstenq2125]

​@@t.n.h.ptheneohumanpatterna8334Not funny

[@TheManBehindtheFunny]

​@@t.n.h.ptheneohumanpatterna8334 Crazy that you hallucinated thinking that "your" was the correct one.

[@MikStieber]

The fact that this tells you about dying and some kind of finding your will to live after you are not alive anymore goes so deep. It’s killing me to believe that the only way of finding the beauty of life is dying.

[@doggo7166]

You can find the beauty of life while living. You can see it more when alive.

[@2012BeyondtheWorld]

I enjoyed staying in an inpatient clinic instead of dying. I found what I was missing in life, connecting with people and talking to them. I talked to them in there instead of hiding in my room, that's how I got better faster and was able to get discharged faster. Now that I know what it's like in the loony bin, I choose to be in my own life rather than lose myself and go back in there. I realize how sane I was in there and how sane I can continue to be in the world. The crazy in there can be the crazy in my own family at home. I don't have to stay in an inpatient clinic forever, I just need to see that I'm ok in either place. I can survive in both places if I'm there for myself and others around me.

[@Maria-rb8cq]

I just want to hug the child in me that is suffering so much. The child that misses mama. That wants to grow pumpkins with grandma again. That wants to feel the embrace of papa's strong arms. The person I used to be who saw the world in such a beautiful light.

[@lr9495]

❤️❤️🥺

[@Lely2.0]

Mama and papa did their part now its your turn to make a memorable experience for the people that you care about

[@veela1324]

I want to offer that child a hug too. That part will always live on in us & even when it is hard, we have to learn to parent that part of ourselves in order to feel whole

[@veela1324]

@@Lely2.0 We all have inner children that need tending to, no matter what age we are. When we shut it down & focus solely on others & their needs, we violate & ignore that child & it creates so much of the depression & numbness that is prevalent in our society

[@Maria-rb8cq]

@@veela1324 I just want to say that I find you to be a wonderful and beautiful person inside and out. Your words brought tears to my eyes and I can't thank you enough for it. Me, and the inner child would love to give you the warmest and most thankful hug we possibly could. I'm understanding that what I miss as a child can come back, but in ways I wouldn't imagine. Maybe the reason I was born at all is to move on and grow my own pumpkins, give someone the strong and warm embrace I miss so much, and maybe one day I won't miss it at all; but smile while doing it for someone else

[@abdulhakimdahir233]

REGRET has never been spelt out in such a poetic manner. Absolutely sublime.

[@Smirksol]

so true

[@thefifthstage369]

Tru facts bro

[@Octavia-nd3br]

I'm confused about what this poem is talking about

[@purebliss2669]

The only way to receive true happiness is to be born again.Jesus loves you and is coming back to earth soon.You need to repent.Please believe and spread the word...

[@Octavia-nd3br]

@@purebliss2669 There's 4.3k religons that exist. How can u be so sure yours is the right one?

[@angelica535]

*The moment I heard the "mother, father, brother(s)" I cried.. and now I understand more the message of this video.. The Morning After I Killed Myself* I'm on my anxiety and depression... and thinking about sui..that I felt I was useless and no one believes in my potential...still I have my family that could maybe comfort me on my situation Thank you! 11/29/23 11:33pm done 7M views, 551K likes and 19K comments in 3 years

[@the.seagull.35]

❤ hey hope you have a good weekend.

[@annatroncoso7085]

this video has been saving me for almost a decade, thank you, truly and deeply.

[@FlyinggMushroom]

It was only posted 3 years ago.

[@annatroncoso7085]

@@FlyinggMushroom if I remember correctly it was taken down for sensitive content :) but really, what's your deal with this comment? I don't need to justify myself but really? Mocking someone who has expressed their vulnerability? Chill dude

[@I_enjoy_some_things]

The comments people will make for likes on KZbin are wild. “Almost a decade.” Just choose your words more carefully and maybe people won’t call you out for being disingenuous. I don’t expect you’re able to justify trying to mislead people. Stop being cringe.

[@annatroncoso7085]

@@I_enjoy_some_things did you read my second comment? I'm not trying to mislead anyone, I was just sharing my experience; an experience that it's not hurting anyone and, on the contrary, tries to relate to others. Its so sad you think that every single person that comments anything is just seeking for likes. Please leave me alone and just go and have your life, I'll live mine.

[@David280GG]

​@@I_enjoy_some_thingsthe yap is crazy

[@marbles.thefool]

I feel so emotionally connected to this. I tried to kill myself once. The thing that stopped me was myself and I knew this was wrong how much I would miss and not see. Then my dog came in the room I saw how his expression changed and how his tail stopped wagging, I untied the rope from my neck and he immediately went to comfort me. None of my family knows I did it. Only one saw that day. And he's the reason I'm still here.

[@alectronablack555]

💕

[@andreaunger3186]

♥️

[@user-uh6vy4mo3j]

m.kzbin.info/www/bejne/qpazeaycfrdmga8 💗💗💗

[@jexca_2052]

🤍

[@corrinapett]

💔

[@skitskat1296]

Okay but hear me out... The thought of dying is the only thing that keeps me calm during stressful situations

[@LG-cz6ls]

Escape. Being free from the pain.

[@sophiajohnson-pujara2810]

Same. Like I will be freaking out and the only thing that makes me feel better is repeating "I want to die" or "I'm gonna kill myself" over and over again.

[@yeongweunbi]

same here. it's my way of coping, but my therapist said that kind of mindset is wrong so i tried not to think of it anymore. unfortunately, i came back to it again. i guess i have nowhere else to go. it's my form of escape after all.

[@plshelp7602]

@@yeongweunbi I hope you will feel better soon 🥺

[@LG-cz6ls]

@@yeongweunbi I think that the most important thing is what works for you, helps to keep you as safe as can be. In the here and now, at least. Your therapist should be helping you to find other strategies rather than simply knocking the one you have. I hope you find your path.

[@Tuni-whimsies]

I downloaded this 2 years ago it helps me to hold on whenever i get tried of life can't thank enough for this masterpiece 💜

[@monicadearaujo4498]

There’s this video I really like of a guy who jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge and survived. He said that as soon as he let go off the cable and jumped, he realized he had made the biggest mistake of his life and in a matter of seconds all his life problems suddenly seemed solvable and not so unbearable as he once thought they were. Then all he could think about while the water was getting closer and closer was “I don’t wanna die”. Fortunately he did survive to pass his story on. As a suicide attempt survivor, I feel profoundly touched by his words. Once we get to see death that close, it makes us not want to go near it ever again. We’re living in atypical circumstances lately, but remember to check on your loved ones during this quarantine. We might make more difference in people’s lives than we think we do. And above all: take care of yourself. Sending much love to y’all! Stay safe!

[@darithbeng2652]

Thank you for sharing

[@natalieedelstein]

Gotta say that's a very personal opinion that doesn't apply to all because I'm also a survivor of attempted suicide and did attempt many times after having been "that close to death". That didn't change it for me at the time. Mine was related to PTSD, and I stopped attempting two months post-trauma, which was over 3 and a half years ago, but perhaps maybe that sentiment is more common with other causes of suicidality or maybe it was just different for me; I don't know.

[@monicadearaujo4498]

@@natalieedelstein Yes, I agree! Mine was related to depression, something I have already recovered from through the use of medication and psychotherapy. Didn’t mean to generalize it, for sure we all have different perceptions and experiences. Don’t know how you’ve been after all this time, but I sincerely hope you’re doing better! Wishing you well! ❤️

[@natalieedelstein]

@@monicadearaujo4498 no worries. You too

[@briandunn6157]

I saw that video! :(

[@insomniacbabe712]

I've felt suicidal so many times lately. There's a voice inside my head saying all the time "why don't you die? Why?" and this poem was like a punch in the face. I should be more grateful. I really should.

[@twix8731]

I am struggling too. The voice's don't stop

[@naylachagas3865]

Please, find professional help. Try new things, remember everyday that the world around you is beautiful, but this beauty is somehow linked to your presence. Your life is worth living.

[@DivineSpawn9]

Been there to.. find someone or a feeling to live for. 🙏

[@Mark00747]

Please find Eckhart Tolle (The Power Of Now)

[@lidianemota2781]

I struggled for years too, sometimes it still comes back.. I'm rooting for your staying. Some days can be wonderful and living is a beautiful thing that's full of possibilities. Give it a chance, allow yourself to experience the occasional beauty in the everyday, and if you believe in one, maybe pray to a higher being sometimes. The voices will go away someday, I promise. Much love.

[@Lo-FiChillVibes]

｡✧*.｡My life lesson｡✧*.｡:: I've stopped listening to music that have -too much words in-, and this have improved my life fr. Ppl don't really think about how much music actually impact our thoughts, like majority of the lyrics are negative and toxic. I hope this helps someone who’s stuck with toxic music. Peace and love.

[@sunthugs]

I'm lying in my bathtub right now, and blood is slowly coloring the water. I've had trouble with my mental health for five years, and I feel like I can't take it anymore. I decided to watch one last video as a parting memory, and this was the first video I opened KZbin to. And now, watching this, now I feel guilty. What will my parents think? And my brother? And my dogs, neighbors, friends, relatives... What will they think? I don't want to leave them, but life is so hard to deal with. I'm 15. This video may have saved my life.

[@geenerr]

Hi! Sending love 💖💖 In all seriousness, I greatly discourage you from ending your life. I've seen it ruin the lives of the children that once knew that person; waking up from their childhood and facing reality as it is. It was truly heartbreaking to see them like that. From what I've seen, killing yourself relieves you from the pain, but the burden is passed on to others. And it will remain on those that knew you for the rest of their lives; never truly forgetting what once was.

[@sunthugs]

Hi,@@geenerr. I was taken to hospital. Im getting the help I need, Thank you for this.

[@justtamara1278]

I don’t exactly want to die I just don’t want to live like this anymore.

[@tobiasgross6899]

I know exactly how you feel and I am so so sorry. Things do get better and you just have to look for the little things. Start collecting rocks, or start baking. Start going on walks or texting your friends. Things will get better and I wish the absolute best for you

[@lynnlavy2992]

Wow. So true for so many. Thank you for your comment. I know it has helped some people. Please hold on!

[@raiiven5268]

I’m so sorry I know it’s hard but I promise it will get better So please keep going Life is a volatile thing And you’ll be happy one day, I promise

[@aesthetics_sounds]

yea same but like i wanna be me but I don't wannabe me the way i sm rn ykk?

[@lynnlavy2992]

@@aesthetics_sounds Take one little step at a time and be loving and gentle with yourself.

[@lunaticpng]

Love how strangers in KZbin comment sections are more caring than most of our parents.

[@purple_genius8730]

😢

[@Hp15023]

And that just broke my heart how our own parents don’t understand us , they act like we are the one who is creating all this thoughts just to gain attention

[@bratzxrose]

Indeed💔

[@lukecohen9833]

@@bratzxrose I agree sad but true and I will kill myself

[@peachy8565]

@@Hp15023 My mother yelled at me when I told her how I was feeling. Albeit, I told her at the wrong time, when she was already upset with me for losing my stupid invisilign which I hated. But still, it reminds me of how even she won't care.

[@shinijath3712]

I dont wanna die.. But i dont wanna live either...

[@user-gv3hz8hf6b]

Those who don't know THIS IS POETRY. She is not trying to unalive herself.

[@m4k1r0ll2]

I was 12 when I first tried to hurt myself. I still have a scar in my left leg. When I was 14 I grabbed a knife on the kitchen table, went to the yard, and held the knife up to my heart. Right then I got a text. It was someone I loved. She started talking about her day, and everything she did. She told me that she loved me, and that she would be around forever. I didn’t even talk with her. I just looked at the messages, and the knife fell out of my hand. I’m now 16 and there’s not a day that goes by that I’m not grateful for that person.

[@jilyyyyy.]

glad you're still here.

[@piotrcz7871]

Sadly not everyone have such person

[@5misali13]

If suicide or death is only option left think again on reverse way . Love yourself first . None worthy of your love even family they hurts much than others sometimes you will get a position where you will find you are living alone in full world but thats time to be yourself . Kick out anything that give you thought of suicide live life happily with yourself .

[@jessicaransbottom8588]

...

[@nikhitachoudhury3514]

Sweetie, wherever you are, whoever you are, just know that I love you. It would make me so happy if you live a healthy and peaceful life. Don't be hard on yourself. Bad days are a part of us but there is always a reason to hold on.

[@aishas-c7948]

I love how supportive this comment section is.

[@NRDM02]

Yeah, I know right... And I don't have any sucidle behaviour but this comment section is making me cry with the tears of happiness... Because it's to supportive... 🥺😭

[@emmakin6178]

Ikr🥺

[@johnmccall7500]

I hope you're being sarcastic, because if not, I'll bet we can figure out how to make you that way! 😉

[@sraddha_loves_bangtan]

Only if people said something nice to me before ending it. I hope you all can hold on. Don't give up like me. I'm a coward, trying to run away. It's better this way really. Maybe nobody will read this, but if you are, hold on. I quit.

[@NRDM02]

@@sraddha_loves_bangtan don't do that... Hold on... You couldn't do that bro... I don't know you and I don't know your problem but please hold on more... You couldn't give up... Like this... Everything will get better just hold on bro.... Please man... Please...........

[@chenilleoneil1289]

It is brave to keep living a life of pain. It is also brave to say, ‘enough is enough.’

[@MyUsername283]

It is crazy to think that I was watching videos before the end of it all. I had watched so many videos about loss and pain, and yet I stumbled into this one. I listened and heard what was said. I went into this night with a plan in my mind, clear and crisp like a summer morning. Then heard this and it became dull. Suddenly, it didn't make sense to stop being here. I don't think these poets and artist realise what they do. I know what suicide does to the survives, yet I still thought it was the bets option. Then I stopped, I sat and listened, I heard this... and I am still here. I still walk my path, I still wake up... the morning after I survived. I see the world I could have lost.

[@woooo7670]

"We have romantic fantasies about what dying truly is." -Tyler Joseph

[@iondiamanti]

|-/

[@arin924]

|-/

[@Flowerfliff]

“Glowing Eyes” was their first song that truly hit me

[@thrsdchild]

|-/

[@coreyooo]

|-/

[@LeeorAlexandra]

This is the most important video I've watched all year long.

[@skyy5584]

God bless you.

[@illneas]

I'm glad you like it

[@Gracem2013]

It really is. I’ve been contemplating suicide for the last year and this gutted me. Made me see things in a very different way. Forced me to really think about what my children & parents would feel or possibly go through. Cried the whole way through.

[@musicforyou7648]

@@Gracem2013 I hope you feel better. You still have an amazing life ahead of you! And you’ll get past this!

[@0dollars826]

@@Gracem2013 I’m glad you’re here. I’ve been in this position before- some suggestions, sit down with yourself in a peaceful setting and just have a moment to think about your feelings. Even crying is a good option. Remember- you’re loved, you matter, and it’s okay to have emotions.

[@ihaventaname2686]

this hits so much harder when you've healed from your depression... everything is so incredibly true it hurts

[@Ultimate3409]

DARNIT MAN- i think this vid may have just saved my life............. thank you.......