A Sex Therapist Explains: What Is The “F**k First” Rule?

Too tired for sex at the end of the day? We’ve all been there. This is SUCH an understandable situation that happens all the time - and we’ve got the cure! Check out this video for one our favorite sex tips of all time!
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Hi! We’re Vanessa and Xander! We specialize in helping people stop feel so embarrassed about sex, and start having way more fun in the bedroom. We’ve been affectionately nicknamed “that sex couple” by our followers for our frank discussions of the modern challenges faced by modern couples.
Vanessa is a licensed psychotherapist. She studied human sexuality at Brown University, has written for The New York Times, Allure, and Lifehacker, and has been featured thousands of times by publications like O, The Oprah Magazine, Real Simple, Refinery29, New York Magazine, Rolling Stone, Buzzfeed, and many more. And Xander is a regular dude who left a cushy career in Tech once he realized it was more fun to talk about sex with his wife all day.
Together, we have the unique ability to make you laugh while giving you the courage to talk about sex and relationships in ways you never have before!
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[@diggerkropkapl]

So basically, prioritize what's important in a relationship. Sex is very important, other activities are also nice, but usually not as important in a relationship. Seems like a solid advice, thanks!

[@dannyg6592]

Excellent advice. I've practiced the F**k first rule for 17 years, first with one long term girlfriend, then with a second long term girlfriend. Everyone is happier and the sex is much better when using that method and I highly recommend it.

[@Maryland-WatchWatch]

Been married 51 years. ALWAYS Fuck First!!!

[@emt1581]

Been using this with patients for years. However the idea of the sitters taking the kids out to eat, to the park, etc....brilliant!!

[@blancaperez3470]

I had sex right before my wedding. We got it out of the way and enjoyed the rest of the wedding ceremony and reception. It was the best set up!

[@jleano609]

My now wife and I fell into this quite early while dating. Often we hadn't seen each other for a few days and when we met up on saturday evening we'd just have sex first and then go out and enjoy dinner drinks etc in that nice post sex afterglow where we're both happy and close and it was SO MUCH nicer, like sharing a secret joke with each other.

[@whitey4909]

Ive been saying this for years, i think it a great way to break down any barriers and i feel totally relaxed afterwards and so does she. Its animalistic and natural.

[@ThereseElene]

My man and I don't live together yet, though we see each other a lot. Every time we meet we cuddle naked in the bed, before anything else. Sometimes it leads to sex or sensual energy. But most important it just connects us so well. We feel very intuned and in love 🙏🏼❤

[@davidmorin6667]

He is a lucky guy

[@pbohearn]

That’s really awesome because it certainly one thing that you don’t do with anybody else

[@krbourne]

But the build up and tension of waiting is really good too.

[@erikt1713]

Makes sense. In case going out gets you inb the mood again you can also do it again at the end of the evening.

[@Milkman3572000]

I totally agree. I prefer morning fun, start the day off right.

[@happyhome41]

We got into the habit of enjoying togetherness after a shower. Just felt good. And yes, with children at home, frequency fell waaaaaaay off. Empty nesters, not so much. Your ideas are all tools in the tool bag. Thank you !

[@watchparty1]

Ha. I figured this out with my girlfriend and found it to be immensely better as you describe. Definitely a good rule that I'll pass on.

[@TheProph7]

I love how you both talk about topics like this in a positive way and as fact based as possible with your own suggestions to move things along. I really enjoy content that make me think about the topic and your videos do a great job of that!

[@gsdgroup1428]

great advice, I personally think sex should always be priority/first (unless time is an issue) I think the moment you start to push sex to last on the list, end of the day (especially if you don't have to) thats the beginning of problems

[@16vr68]

Right after a lunchtime workout is best, followed by a half hour or so cuddle, then late lunch. In evening, before movie is good bc you can relax during film.

[@billbrobaggins221]

Incredibly happy to see that I mislead myself with the title and this video turned out to be pretty awesome. Well done.

[@RoquenGriseus]

Brilliant advice! Beautiful video :)

[@shadowr2d2]

❤ Thank you 🙏 for posting this video. You have a new subscriber. Keep up the great work..

[@hkguitar1984]

Great advice, Thank You

[@diytwoincollege7079]

Great idea. That’s like ordering dessert first. 🎉. Last time we did this we ended up with kid#3, but that doesn’t have to happen in everyone’s situation.

[@jimstone3951]

First time I've seen you two, I thought you were great, thank you.

[@dannyerlebach6631]

great advice vibes and channel thank yyouuu

[@joedalessio8538]

Great content

[@geno5169]

I love how open with sex in a relationship! In a marriage! I need this kind of help! Where coming up on 33 years ! Thank you 🙏 for your amazing advice to get us!

[@johnduffy6546]

Great content! Could have really used it 45 years sooner but, much appreciated.

[@kbanghart]

Lol

[@stephenluke2347]

ME TOO now chance would be a fine thing with the one ad only

[@jeniferrampasard7250]

Thanks For Sharing

[@JeffRyman69]

For my late wife and me morning was always best.

[@user-od3zt4dg6p]

Always in the morning❤ much better

[@missmacy4527]

This is an amazing advice my husband and I also got from our therapist. This and to try exploring our bodies with the Dot or a similar device. I believe that saved our dead bedroom life the most. That and weeky date nights. ❤

[@lmtada]

I’ll do this when I go visit my future in-laws. I’ll be smiling when I talk to them, and keeping my thoughts to myself about what your daughter and I have been doing prior to visiting. 😊 FF.

[@ShelbyMustang505]

on date nights my wife and i would go to my office at work first before going out to dinner. Obviously it was empty and quiet and also was a bit like having sex in a place you shouldn't so added to the excitement. Because exactly as you say after dinner and going home it just didn't work.

[@user-rs4gy9ze4o]

I love a lot of this chanel

[@paulparkinson1379]

I love the idea it's clear to me that you have a wonderfully healthy relationship

[@lilamiumi]

This is such juicy advice! Love ittt!! So much spicier than after a meal dinner!

[@warrengomez67]

Underrated advice 😂

[@pzubets]

Definitely gotta try it

[@walkerb1734]

I LOVE this rule!! Makes all the sense in the world.

[@geno5169]

You and your lover does the same as we do. ‘My wife and I lay next to each other on our couch! Where holding each other! Kissing

[@BlackieNuff]

A very simple idea, but with big payoffs. Great video.

[@6254KLR]

This would be wonderful!!!

[@AJC4866]

And you can get round two when you get home!

[@vonfitbjj-podcast]

Yes.

[@marklubecke4854]

Intriguing idea, maybe even a great idea, have to give it a try. (This after 45 yrs. Of marriage.)

[@dongarber9731]

Yes!

[@GameTime-yj6qv]

Its a great idea. I don't get bloated much or drink, and I'm a night owl so I'm down for sex pretty much at any time even if its late. But my wife does get sleepy, tired, or not in the mood the later it is. Plus you never know things that might come up like traffic or the baby sitter having to leave earlier than expected and then there isnt time for sex. By doing it first, it ensures both partners are not sleepy or tired, and that you have time for it. Also you can enjoy the date and being together better because it doesnt feel like you just want to get through it to get to the sex part lol.

[@VallinSFAS]

This is a lot like 'Annie Hall' when Alvy asks Annie to kiss him first to avoid the anxiety hovering over the whole date. "Good. Now we can digest our food."

[@stephenkilpatrick807]

I agree 100%.

[@tips4truckers252]

Love it

[@bobloblaw10001]

Cute couple, simple but good advice

[@1polonium210]

I'm ok with that!

[@richardstewart7830]

I've Always believed in this Rule✅

[@wallacebonner7939]

What happens if you never make it out to your dates?

[@austinsummers8318]

New move unlocked

[@volkerr.]

First rule?! Just do it 😂😊

[@jackdeniston6150]

Saturday afternoon. Then go out

[@user-df8us8ob4v]

Hilarious 😂😂

[@allaudione]

Sure that happens - we just did it in the morning - no problem.

[@Taureanfitness]

I completely agree, for me I have a lot of stomach and digestive issues so I will always have sex first. + I work up an appetite

[@loosechains2846]

😃

[@Portia620]

Have a first you are bloated now so dinner last!!! Always a first!

[@victormiranda9163]

all the time. every time

[@robertestrada434]

Happens all the time

[@jimlongley9531]

My wedding night.

[@Robert-xs2mv]

Sex before the wedding, such a novel idea.

[@tatyanab.6797]

100%

[@DaveAW]

Hmmm, before or after? Do both 😁

[@BluegillGreg]

Do it in the laundry room with the TV on.

[@kthx1138]

Yes. Plus, after a big meal, there's a tendency to fart, a guaranteed sex killer.

[@diytwoincollege7079]

It’s like having dessert first. ❤

[@rorybeckstrom9602]

Lol this happens more often than not

[@wadecrawford6445]

Happens every time. I hate it.

[@danieloc9]

👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻

[@edwizard62]

I've been doing this for 40 years.

[@happysalesguy]

Sex is way better before dinner and drinks than after.

[@JazzyJae88]

If we fucking first we won’t be going to whatever we planned. 😂

[@TheDanSavage1]

It may just be that you end up spending the whole date night in bed, which happens to me ALL. THE. TIME. Not a bad thing at all! Yes, my name is Dan Savage. NO. I'm not that Dan Savage, but I know him, and we live in the same city. We laugh about it when we bump into each other in person and online.

[@lowandslow3939]

Eat desert first!

[@richardhall5489]

😂

[@Chrishagen]

So romantic

[@bobhum7064]

It's just like dinner if you go to dinner and you want to third when you're done with dinner. But you're full so if you have your dessert first and then eat dinner, you get both.

[@cachi-7878]

But everyone knows you sleep like a baby after having sex; at least men do.

[@pm71241]

Yeah... On my wedding night, when we got to the hotel, my wife was so tired, she just wanted to relax and watch speedway. ...in her defense, we held the after-party in a swingers club 😂

[@sammyrothrock6981]

Hell yeah eat the cheesecake first then have the main course!