A Simple Secret to Make a Man Feel Safe and Open Up to You

[@karenpatterson8574]

I met my bf when we were children 8 and 9 years old. We’re now in late 50’s. he told me a few months ago I’m the only person he trusts. Its a huge responsibility that I value with everything in my soul. I’ve always felt we’ve been put in each other’s lives for a purpose but I never said that to him . During one of our conversations a few weeks ago he said the exact same thing to me. How amazing is that? I would give my life for him and he would do the same for me.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

WOW that's a beautiful synchronicity, and what a BLESSING that you've fostered such an amazing deep connection with another human. You are inspiring to me and im sure to many other women here :)

[@simplymarilyn5295]

"Real" soulmates🏹💕💯

[@patriciagurwitz509]

Karen Patterson Well I think you 2 are blessed to have found each other because this sounds like true true love to me!!!! I never never found that . It’s very sad to end up old and lonely! Many blessings

[@derica818]

I have never been soo happy for a karen

[@sharonjo7630]

@@derica818 😒

[@ohlalamuah5832]

I told my boyfriend (now fiance) that more than a bf/gf relatonship I wanted us to be bestfriends without judgements. He has opened up to me a lot, is funny because when he wants to tell me something I become his dude...he goes like "dude I want to tell you something" 😂

[@Mat_Shaffer]

LOL that's super beautiful! Just make sure to keep the polarity kicking in there as well... you dont always get to be his dude ;)

[@chaoticneutral6282]

Hahah so cuteee!! 😂

[@averycoleman2215]

I’m glad that’s not just me😂

[@lifewithq9755]

Awww

[@sharonfisher1850]

And sometimes no matter how much you share and open up to them...nothing will change ..sometimes you are only there to help him to hide those deep secrets. I feel like a shield.😢

[@Mat_Shaffer]

those men get to leave your space they arent worthy of you

[@pagep9876]

I agree that we need to make sure that a man feels secure opening up. I also think that at some point the man also needs to bring that same security so that we can continue to open up too. Keep rocking it Mat!!!

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Page P 🙌🙌 totally agree, everyone gets to open up and make each other feel safe 🤗🤗❤️

[@SR77736]

Exactly. Don't expect that from me if you're jot giving me what want too. A relationship is give and take I'm not giving all of this if he isn't making me feel loved or safe in exchange. Goes both ways.

[@travelchannel304]

It needs to go both ways. I feel safe on my own. I need to feel safe to be authentic.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Totally understand that ❤️❤️

[@erikagardea8334]

I don’t know why there’s so much thirst in the comments lol, but thank you for making this video. The message that I keep getting on this topic is that some men need emotional leadership from women. It starts with the woman. I notice that when I want my husband to be open about something, I have to air out my thoughts and feelings first about it. Instead of asking, “How did you like (fill in the blank)?” I might say, “I had so much fun, this just reminded me of our trip to blah blah blah...” and sure enough he mirrors that.

[@fairylilytarot5960]

I don’t even want to necessarily start a serious relationship with him I just want him to feel comfortable to open up so I can help heal him. It’s sort of funny I think we both know we met each other to help each other heal more. Two independent people that need to remove their masks because it is safe to love, I’ve started to remove mine.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Interesting perspective, thanks so much!

[@shermuno7166]

*Mat, I think Billie Eilish dedicated her song "Ocean eyes" to you*

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Aw, shucks! Thank you! 😊

[@sterlingarcher766]

Dems some nice snags too. 🤣

[@theveganmedium7663]

I second this! I think the same thing every time I watch one of your videos :)

[@Introvertliving]

😜

[@laurenj432]

I feel safe watching these videos

[@Mat_Shaffer]

aww I LOVE that thank you!!

[@thedebster68]

True... this is my first video of yours and I'm like 3 mins into it... (gonna subscribe) and you DO have a comforting, "safe" voice. Awwww. MAT. 🥳✌🏼

[@bellanovia1648]

Me too

[@ajdhsjajxj3969]

you know you love him when u watch videos like this

[@Mat_Shaffer]

You’re making my heart smile with your kind words! Keep being amazing. 💖

[@secretshaman189]

I don't know very many women who consider a man's feelings as important, and separate from their own wants/wishes. Thanks Mat!

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Its my pleasure.

[@manifestingmama6520]

Ahhh, feeling safe! Totally get that :) I think it’s a misconception that men don’t want to share their feelings- in this somewhat hostile dating world I think everyone’s a bit on edge wondering if they’ll get ghosted . I know I try to express from the heart and I find a lot of men admire that even if they don’t do it themselves lol.....

[@Mat_Shaffer]

YES it's revelatory for a lot of men, to feel and experience a woman expressing from her heart in an empowered, vulnerable way.

[@manifestingmama6520]

I think the LoA worked for me to find this channel because I hope to help people like you are one day! I use my story to get closer to people but I find men can be scared of intimacy. Weeds em out I say

[@YouDontKnowAsMuchAsYouThinkUDo]

People are scared to get ghosted? Since when? How? Do you really lack THAT much self assurance and confidence in yourselves? No wonder this is even a 'thing'. Where have all the REAL MEN gone? Legit question. All I see are women and wannabe men that are bigger cowards than my 7 year old niece. A normal reaction to being ghosted is to say "their loss" and move on, not to be upset and obsessed and cry into a beer because someone isn't returning your calls...that's not normal. That's how a 15 year old teenage girl behaves. Grow up, toughen up and act your age. 👀 If I wanted to date a woman, I'd become a lesbian and date someone with estrogen in their body. Men used to hunt. Men used to defend themselves, their property, their families. Now? You guys rely on webcams and strangers to fight your battles and keep your families safe. All I see now is 9\10 men that can't use a drill properly, going to therapy to talk about trust issues, screaming about spiders and hosting makeup tutorials 👀 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️WHERE ARE THE MEN?? 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

[@sansadrake4133]

Ive asked questions like how are you feeling...And they acted like they didn't hear the question 😂😂

[@ayamostafa5919]

& sometimes all they say is "fine"! ... to every other question too 😅

[@sansadrake4133]

@@ayamostafa5919 LOL .😂

[@Mat_Shaffer]

True! Most of the time. 😄

[@lolacookie453]

One of the guys I’ve been dating/talking to has told me he wants to be vulnerable with me though I see he struggles since he is stoic and reserved. I have never pushed him to open up but I have slowly opened up about myself as a way of opening the door for him to do the same. The other day he told me about how he got dumped a few years ago and how it was out of the blue and how embarrassing it was for him. He went on to say that he was so humiliated he never told anyone about that incident. Is this big, have I struck a bit of emotional gold? Great video, thank you! 🙏

[@Mat_Shaffer]

MMMHM he’s being vulnerable about trauma, great job!! Keep encouraging him to go deeper with you ❤️❤️

[@danasalemali9655]

I discovered you today and I start binge watching. Your channel is very direct and informative

[@Mat_Shaffer]

YAY love hearing that!! binge watching is the best... whats your fav video so far???

[@danasalemali9655]

Mat Shaffer kzbin.info/www/bejne/jZyXmIinaKmtapI This video

[@boomboom1258]

I can never get over how beautiful your gaze and smile are, besides your advices and content of course! :)

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Wow, thank you!

[@deetran5085]

Mat, I love your authenticity and teaching us to be vulnerable. You are awesome! Thank you for sharing.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

so welcome my dear! its my honor and purpose to support you!

[@justanothersherlockian7058]

Thank you, this is really good advice! There's this guy who's thinking about getting into a relationship with me, but he's been heartbroken in the past and I really care about him so I want to make him feel safe.

[@LaMonicaHill]

I know this video is old, but also it's still very helpful to watch, but me personally I've always wanted to get the male perspective on this like how can you show that he is safe and protected and he can let his walls down because many men rarely ever get this and it's very true that for many, many years it was implanted in men since young *"that men don't cry"* or that when you cry it's considered *"weak"* and you have to be a *"man"* but that isn't true what so ever, but growing up constantly hearing that it's hard to break away from until you learn it's alright to finally open up and be vulnerable

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Interesting perspective, thanks so much!

[@DiaN-do3jm]

we have to feel comfortable with our own deep emotions and being able to express those to him to be able to feel that we're okay with going under the surface. maybe how we express it to him also plays a part in how he perceives it too.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Diane N YES for sure... you set the example for vulnerability and connection with how you express your feelings and how intimate you allow yourself to show up with him :)

[@miriamo.8631]

I know this sounds crazy, but I love your facial expressions' can't stop looking at your face. (I have a weird habit of doing that to people)🙂☺️

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Miriam O. 🙏🙏 haha that’s not crazy, I appreciate it! My face sure has a lot of expressions, doesn’t it?! Lol

[@angelheart408]

And you have gorgeous eyes 😊

[@Mat_Shaffer]

@@angelheart408 aw thanks my dear! I hear they're a window to my soul ;) hahahaha

[@marlylimpo]

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@dyneryzen]

I needed this. Lately, i haven't felt safe to share what i feel to my boyfriend and it sucks

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Sending hugs! ❤❤❤

[@anitaelghandor5489]

Yes you are so right,the man I adore , will always have my trust,I get dreamie when I think about him,one in a million kind of man!!

[@Mat_Shaffer]

aw he sounds great!

[@meniskiss]

I searched up how to comfort your father after he opens up to you and this is what I got 😭

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Thanks for sharing!

[@madeinhisimage3447]

I seem to be the only one taking risks emotionally...setting that example of being vulnerable and sharing my deepest feelings and fears. He does derive reassurance from this self discloser and he seems to need to hear me express it from time to time but he has yet to open up to me in this way. He’s very goal oriented and I think he might even have a bit of a drinking problem..I’m just starting to wonder if he’s ever going to be comfortable enough with his own powerful emotions to ever take that risk of sharing them with me. I already grew up on a home where there was virtually zero display of open unguarded expression of emotion and I was the highly sensitive and emotional child that was shamed for having such strong emotions especially when it turned into anger and rage. My nature is to express and get it out and being with someone who is so self contained and won’t let you in is very hard for me.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

mmhm it sounds like you may have recreated your childhood emotional dynamic in your adult romantic relationship (which happens ALOT) - what is it gonna take for you to interrupt this pattern in your life?

[@madeinhisimage3447]

Mat Shaffer Hey Matt! This is so true. I was having this discussion with my mother last night that having been so neglected and unnoticed by both my parents. Healthy has the effect of drawing me in but then I get so overwhelmed and consumed because I never had to learn to self regulate and develop appropriate boundaries where there where close bonds. I was so isolated and as lonely and deprived as this state is I continue to recreate what is safe and familiar. Associating longing with love. Longing is very painful because with it comes a perpetual sense of rejection resulting in not feeling worthy of more. Never having had a the taste of solid nutrition I settle for crumbs and then wonder why I am so sick and tired. I’m thinking maybe a place like Celebrate Recovery might be a good start since I’m in no position to afford one on one therapy. I can’t continue on this path as it’s really starting to take a toll on my health now.

[@katrinasmith7121]

My boyfriend always said he feels safe with me but he was cheating on me . I ended up feeling like his mother .

[@junepinkney2000]

😂

[@Introvertliving]

Some people are just plain gross. I wonder if there are people who have their life figured out or just plain honest in relationships.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

I promise there are good guys out there my dear!

[@SewDiva5691]

Mat, can you make a follow up video on this topic? My man shared me his fears. I listened using my feminine energy & compassion. Please give examples of what to say when a masculine man pulls away. I’m feeling helpless & trying to stay strong. Just hearing your voice on your videos calms me. Thanks, Mat 🙏🏼

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Thank you for your share my dear and your kind words!! YES I am happy to do another video on this topic... "What to say when a masculine man pulls away" - thats a beautiful subject to explore :)

[@SewDiva5691]

Mat Shaffer It’s good to have a man’s perspective. I’m clueless. 🤦🏼‍♀️ The waiting to hear back from him is hard. 😰 It’s a long story....Thanks So much, Mat!

[@Mat_Shaffer]

@@SewDiva5691 I told you I would do it :) Here it is! kzbin.info/www/bejne/bYKUcouhrrGHr7M

[@SewDiva5691]

Mat Shaffer Hi, Mat! Thank you for remembering. I really appreciate it. 🙂 You must be reading my mind! I watched your follow-up vid. It made a lot of sense. 👌🏼Perfect timing ‘cause I’ve been feeling triggered. 😩 No bueno. He responded to my text almost 3 days later. 🤦🏼‍♀️I did not even see his reply yet. “When” the time is right I will implement your suggestion stated on your 2nd vid. Trying to get back that soft feminine side of me. *Sigh* 😞

[@Mat_Shaffer]

CLICK HERE TO JOIN MAT'S FREE LOVE AND RELATIONSHIP COURSE STARTING NOV 18th! masteryofconnection.com

[@Mat_Shaffer]

its a great time!

[@joliemiranda5685]

Mat, I can't thank you enough. Thanks to God, your advice and application of feminine mindset and some laws of attraction, I've finally succeeded in pressing the reset button with my sweetie. Your tips worked the most! Thank you so very much. I'm so thankful I found your channel 🙏💖

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Fantastic! I’m so happy for you my dear!

[@joy_villa]

binging all your incredible videos Mat!!

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Joy Villa COOL love it!! Your channel is awesome too, super dope music video 🤗🤗🙏🔥

[@ashtonskylar704]

This was just what I'd been wondering about how to do for some time - woman's role of leading the emotional side. Thanks

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Ashton Skylar 🙏🙏🤗🤗❤️

[@marthabunting2833]

Great content as always Mat. You do get to the bottom of issues that help both men and women. When I listen to your videos I think oh I made that mistake that one and dang I made that one three times!

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Glad my videos resonated with you Martha Bunting!

[@genevalivingstone1929]

That's deep...but I will have to say that a man will not open up if he doesn't trust you. In the sense of us as women just listening to what he says even if he fumbles his words. Us lovelies constantly bounce off eachother while we talk which is listening for us. This won't work with our lions!!! Ahhh But what a well when they do. You can literally swim in the beauty of them...

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Geneva Livingstone beautifully put my dear! Isn’t it amazing when a man really holds space for you and is present and shares what’s in his heart? The masculine/feminine connection is such magic when it’s fully realized!

[@milanb8123]

Your beautiful eyes and your teeth make me feel safe Guapo

[@Mat_Shaffer]

aww so glad you like my stuff :)

[@tamekaallen7023]

I need an example of what that dialogue looks like.

[@SleeplessinOC]

Crystal Clear I know. Examples would have been nice . Concrete examples . It’s hard to understand these concepts without examples of what this looks like.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Crystal Clear thank you SO MUCH for asking me that, I feel silly for not including examples in the video! I am gonna do a follow up video illustrating it, look for it next week :)

[@tamekaallen7023]

Mat Shaffer Please and thank you!!!

[@tamekaallen7023]

Mat Shaffer I don’t remember seeing the examples... Did I miss it?

[@kimrice6978]

Crystal Clear He didn’t “feel safe” opening up like that!!😁

[@peterreed9566]

I've learnt from bitter experience that opening up and/or being vulnerable is a luxury that I simply can't afford. The lid of the Pandora's Box that are my emotions and feelings will remain tightly shut forever. I know my wife finds this difficult but God love her she loves me anyway.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Amazing love that share!

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Amazing love that share!

[@GigiBrownlee]

My husband has this same problem. I think he was hurt beyond hurt by past relationships and now he is completely locked down. I do love him anyway but the problem is that I don't feel close to him the way that I truly want to. I am afraid that it will eventually drive us apart because I can't keep paying for his past relationships. Just wanted to let you know that. Sounds like you have a good woman but I bet if she was completely honest she feels the same.

[@reemsaif3105]

Loving your advice, make them feel safe amazing 😊

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Amazing! love hearing that!

[@missbubblemaker26]

You have beautiful eyes!

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Thanks so much MadameBubbles! 🙏❤️

[@RachelGerrard]

I disagree. It ruins the sexual attraction and polarity and it places the woman in a vulnerable position that is not edifying to her. The men I have had experience with, whilst they will TAKE the emotional space if it is offered, do not enjoy opening up in the same way as women do. It does not leave them feeling healed and edified, it leaves them feeling weak. Why do we always have to try and make everything the same? Men like it when women are THEMSELVES, more and more radically - that demonstrates our deep trust and deep receipt of a man's love, this is how women love. It's not in the same way as men. It's by receiving primarily, not giving . Being there emotionally for a man leaves us feeling depleted and afraid, as well as sexually turned off. The safety we create comes via us being authentic and honouring ourselves more and more radically. Men need to realise that just because they are using softer language and talking about their feelings more (although as far as I can see men have always done this - just look at classical poetry, literature, music and art. It's all made by men and emotionally expressive), their energy is still extremely domineering and powerful compared to ours. Women express their emotions because it is the only way we can get what we want from men, and most women are very bad at it and often really struggle to do it. What we need is more men in therapy then they can learn how to remain calm in all situations. I'll hold emotional space for my male friends, but in the same way I felt unsafe and devastated if I ever saw my dad (a rare example of a masculine man who respected and cared for women) cry, I do not want this from my man either. It's a primal instinct. Women pretend they want this, but really we are trying to suss the guy out, appease our own emotions or feel guilty and ashamed that we have different responses than men do because we've been brainwashed into denying our primal femininity so we act like we can handle it. This is a hot take, but the differences between the genders are absolutely the same as they always were and it dishonours both men and women to pretend that they are not.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Thanks! I appreciate your opinion regarding this topic.

[@lecomtedeneuch9994]

Thank you woman. You're the real deal. I don't need to share my feelings. I know from experience that most women cant take our traumas and emotional negativity. It drains them, destroy the sexual tension or interest and it's completly normal. If I'm not well I'll talk to a therapist. I don't feel the need to be vulnérable. It makes me feel like a little bitch and always backfires.

[@richerDiLefto]

The problem with therapy is, it sucks for men because it’s mostly talking about feelings the feminine way, which man aren’t inclined to do to begin with. Between this and doing the same with women, it’s six of one half dozen of the other.

[@gracerios1342]

Those eyelashes!

[@Mat_Shaffer]

awww thanks my dear!! :)

[@ashley4714]

I've opened up to him and always keep him up with me because he's someone I'm comfortable with and I want him to know. I've told him I'll be there for him and that I really do want to be there for him but I've still gotten nothing yk lol. its frustrating because to me when someone opens up to me I know they feel maybe some comfort with me and by having him not do that, I feel like he's not comfortable with me. he's comfortable with me as if we were married but he's never shown a vulnerable side.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Don't give up love sister!

[@crose55082]

My FWB guy, is always opened about his feeling. He actually sends me mixed messages. He mentioned in the past that he wasn't sure where he wanted the relationship between us go. That he sees me as a shoulder to cry on, that he values that over friends. He also thinks I need to know how he spends his days. He will talk to me for hours about pointless stuff at times. He usually gets sidetracked, which delays him from taking me home.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

great shrare thank you!

[@crose55082]

@@Mat_Shaffer since he has a lot of negative things going on and I am moving in a positive direction. We both made it clear we don't want a relationship. If I get into a relationship now, the guy I enter into one with, has to have goals, and a positive outlook on life. If something negative happens in mine, I put a positive twist on things.

[@atyehatyeh6257]

Mat That would really be wonderful if you gave some dialogues and examples on how we could do that

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Thank you for your feedback!

[@carmenbailey6694]

Any extra tips for a guy who has the "a guy doesn't show emotions and never ever cries" personality? Another insight on him is he is sentimental though.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

not showing emotion doesnt mean he doesnt have it! is he vulnerable in other ways?

[@teresatownsend1089]

Just would be nice if there were more videos telling men what to do not women just for once

[@Mat_Shaffer]

I appreciate your opinion on this!

[@mysteriousheart9702]

How can u open up yourself if you yourself have your own walls and demons your afraid to share on a matter of what he'll think of you

[@Mat_Shaffer]

I appreciate your opinion on this!

[@christeldevrindt3863]

At this topic in the video i say ❤❤in one 🏠 thanks😍

[@Mat_Shaffer]

[@averycoleman2215]

One of my close guy friends likes my best friend and I got him to open up to me and he loves her so much and I can really tell how much guys try to hide their feelings

[@Mat_Shaffer]

You're absolutely right!

[@annejaurigue9748]

Hi Mat, I’m watching!

[@Mat_Shaffer]

wonderful!!

[@gracesubliminals]

I clicked the notification button:) ♥️♥️

[@Mat_Shaffer]

YAY :)

[@freshstrt3140]

You are wonderful 💕 Thank you

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Thank you so much, I really appreciate hearing that from you.

[@la381]

Sounds like she is expected to be his mother, his big sister, or auntie.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

I appreciate your opinion on this!

[@chelseakweila594]

Wow so powerful! Thank you dear

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Thank you so much! Happy to hear that!

[@reemsaif3105]

Men open up with me and feel safe. However I haven't met my man yet 😊

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Good one!

[@Dishiiiiiiiiiii]

I m in love with your eyes ..

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Aw thanks you’re making me blush ;)

[@nydawelsh8529]

Thank you so much for explaining this topic

[@Mat_Shaffer]

My pleasure!

[@lecomtedeneuch9994]

Everytime I showed vulnérability I was used, mocked and shamed. It's a trap. I don't need to share my feelings and thoughts with you. If you are with me before knowing that, then why do you need to know ?

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Thanks for sharing!

[@devanshipawar6778]

You're so smart i love you

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Many thanks!

[@monigiselle2140]

Great video! Wow 😳 thank you

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Glad you liked it!

[@crystaldance5731]

Thanks mat 😊❤️

[@Mat_Shaffer]

You’re welcome 😊

[@MagneticUnicornVlogs]

Thank you Mat! I needed to hear this ❤ i can't wait to open up to my man and hear his feelings too ❤

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Amazing! love hearing that!

[@zespinossa3723]

I'm learning women's secrets...im on to you

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Thank you!

[@sarahswan8498]

What if you ask him how he is feeling and he answers Okay, everytime?

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Encourage open communication with your boyfriend by creating a safe space, asking open-ended questions, and being patient. If needed, consider professional support for emotional well-being. Thanks for sharing!

[@larcyarcamo6805]

i love your eyes so handsome

[@Mat_Shaffer]

aw thanks my dear thats so sweet

[@heathersherman2696]

What if you already screwed up most of your marriage by not giving him emotional safe place, than how?

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Don’t give up on love sister!

[@user-dj5om4fy8k]

Need more on long distance relationship s.please give advice.i met a man online ❤weve been talking for 1 year now.He calls me his wife We are open to one another,

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Thanks for sharing! 🤗

[@richerDiLefto]

You aren’t. Better meet him ASAP if you haven’t already.

[@rhwhitmore2001]

What if I've tried that among other things I've learned to try and he still doesn't get vulnerable or open up with me? I've been with my significant other for 12 and a half years and we have an 11 year old daughter together.....I'm at a loss on what else I can try! I've even tried to get him to go to couple's therapy and downloading a couple's app as well called Couple's Coach. He won't participate and makes excuses or avoids it at all costs. He isn't emotionally intelligent and had a difficult childhood. idk what to do anymore besides leave.

[@charity1041]

He’s emotionally unavailable

[@Mat_Shaffer]

I promise there are good guys out there my dear!

[@cloudybookcase9189]

Thank you

[@Mat_Shaffer]

You're very welcome!

[@desireeleeanntaylor1925]

David did that all the time

[@Mat_Shaffer]

love it!

[@lovewillwinnn]

When did people start leaving out the article “a”. As in “in A relationship vs “in relationship” ?

[@Mat_Shaffer]

haha it's been going on a while now :)

[@starchildgoddess_3335]

Wow!!! Great advice!

[@Mat_Shaffer]

thanks love! :)

[@glittersparkles4423]

Hey , I have a question , some of the coaches say men need “uncertainty “ in a relationship and that is their love need ? How much do u agree with this ?

[@Mat_Shaffer]

eh thats a slippery slope. if you're intentionally creating uncertainty in a relationship to keep a man interested, that could easily be construed as manipulative or playing games and create more disconnection than intimacy. challenge is good, tho, as long as its done in a healthy way!

[@hunny585]

can u clarify if i got this right..women can create emotional safety and evoke feelings from a man by asking him questions..but isn't leading and initiating conversations masculine dynamic? (even in a marriage). Or did u mean we go n pour our hearts n feelings out n then expect him to open to us slowly?

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Great question my dear! I invite you to think of questions as invitations - you are looking to invite a man to step into greater vulnerability and openness with you, then reinforcing that behavior to build up their understanding that it is SAFE for them to share their feelings and thoughts with you. That is a powerful way to deepen connection - know that at a deep level, men crave sharing and releasing this stuff (and have often been conditioned to keep it locked away) and it's powerfully feminine to evoke and inspire them to let it out and heal whatever might be connected to it. And ALSO yes of course you lead by example and BE vulnerable and open yourself... that's another way to demonstrate to a man that you are a safe space to communicate and be in connection with your heart (if you can do it, he can do it too!)

[@hunny585]

@@Mat_Shaffer to say that im blownnn away by this wisdom n response is an understatement! i need to check out ur programs. You got a new fan here :)

[@dawrightleo13]

so true

[@Mat_Shaffer]

I’m happy this resonated with you

[@tamekaallen7023]

We need help with this...

[@Mat_Shaffer]

I hope this does help you my dear

[@philisiwepearl7932]

I have try to ask him so many time to speak with me and being open up amd be free but he keeps on saying he scared to talk to me..i dnt knw wat to do anymore he does talk to me but sometimes he keeps on saying he scared😒pls help wat i am supports to do to make him to be free and talk to me

[@user-pk5pl7ox1e]

Just focus on you being vunrable and keep sharing how you feel all the time and he will open himself 1 day. Pls keep mr updated how it goes

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Great advice🙌❤️

[@marielled3359]

Try googlinng Celestine Dessike's Words of Desire, there's among the many approaches to learn to talk filthy like a pro hahaha, though you have to anticipate to learn a few things about male mindset, etc .

[@rachelrosen5501]

You have a very sweet, open face.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

aww thanks I love that comment, makes me smile :)

[@lynnclark2560]

🤙❤️

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Thank you! 😉

[@mrs8792]

It’s not a women’s job to make a man feel safe!

[@Mat_Shaffer]

I appreciate your opinion on this!

[@nhampton1115]

All games, smh

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Thanks so much for your feedback!

[@Jinxsuez]

Relationship is very bad for man's wallet. Man ! Keep staying alive by keeping the woman away ❤

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Thanks so much for your feedback!

[@zebunishahajiani6925]

🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏. 🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹. 💋

[@Mat_Shaffer]

🤗😍 🥰

[@kf4670]

I hear you going round and round with verbose ideas but there are no concrete examples to explain your ideas! Sad to say this one was a miss, Mat. Maybe you could redo it and make it more understandable.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

thanks for the feedback!

[@L.A007]

Men are not supposed to be vulnerable. Vulnerability is not for strong men.

[@ilyrain3540]

Lol ok buddy

[@Mat_Shaffer]

I appreciate your opinion on this!

[@hannahhuhn9001]

Someone’s afraid of their shadow.