Top 10 Ways to Love an Enneagram Type Three

[@phantasyphotography3813]

10. Tell them that you're proud of them. (Give specific reasons and mean it) 9. I love you just for being you. 8. Recognize when they are in health and when they're not in health. Be able to point out when they're stressed. 7. Words of affirmation 6. Try not to distract them and/or provide them with uninterrupted work time. 5. Create an intentional day of rest for them and encourage them to let it go. 4. Maintain a clean and organized space. 3. Learn more about the Enneagram. 2. Give them a gift that boosts their productivity. 1. Be gentle with criticism

[@anastaciadulany4103]

This is very true. As a three I love when I have alone time it gives me time to get my things done, that's my favorite thing.

[@alisonpichel3119]

All of this resonated strongly with me! And definitely a clean organized space is a must, otherwise it's something to add to the To Do list that stares at you in the face! Ahhh!

[@AbbeyHowe]

YES. Right?? Like I can't tackle my To Do list if there's tons of dishes in the sink... I can feel them even if I'm not in the kitchen 😂

[@futrvalu]

@@AbbeyHowe I can't even make myself a snack if there are dishes all around

[@aaronvalentino2629]

Dunno if anyone cares but if you're stoned like me atm then you can watch pretty much all of the new series on instaflixxer. Been binge watching with my gf recently xD

[@hezekiahtripp2711]

@Aaron Valentino yup, I have been watching on instaflixxer for since december myself :)

[@tyeshaswanson3461]

My husband is a 3 and he's love language is words of affirmation! I'm a 9 and I found this helpful and challenging! We both want a cleaner and more organized home (he works from home), but I struggle with being organized and getting lost in my thinking and feeling center instead of actually doing what needs to be done! He's so kind and doesn't hassle me about it but I want to love him better by showing him I care to keep his spaced cleaned up! Thank you!!!

[@nicoledixon1039]

I so relate to this comment. I'm a 9 and husband of 19 years is a 3. I have realized over the years that I focus better and enjoy an organized space also, even though it's hard for me to focus on doing it. What helped me was to declutter ruthlessly (I don't really need to keep all those things). As I decluttered more and more, I found myself being able to concentrate more on the task at hand, if I wasn't interrupted by my husband for one of his projects or 5 kids. Lol Also, ask him for help or input about what is important for him to be more organized. His answer may surprise you. And use short bits of time to declutter. Use 30 min and make the space better and keep doing that when you can. You'll feel better and love your space more and be motivated to keep doing it. It's so worth it!!!

[@tyeshaswanson3461]

@@nicoledixon1039 Thank you for the encouragement and advice!!! I will definitely ask my husband today about which spaces I should focus on first! That way we can both feel more relaxed and 'on the same page' with it.

[@futrvalu]

I've found the Enneagram to be useful because it helps to define things that I find hard to define about myself (Yes, I'm a 3.) It provides a framework to understand certain compulsions or frustrations that come when I'm in an unhealthy mindset. It also provides a guide toward being a more authentic version of my True Self.

[@angeliqueautry5987]

when you stated venting like a 3 i started crying 😭

[@alanhowe851]

Your father must be proud of you because you are very creative!

[@AbbeyHowe]

Alan Novak HEHEHEHE

[@nicoledixon1039]

Creative and hilarious! I love all the skits you do and that you pack so much good info into quick videos. So helpful. Your work matters. Thanks so much!

[@alyssaeve9783]

I love how she looks like Amy Santiago who’s also a 3

[@delaineschonhoff168]

Oh wow! I’ve been loving my 3 husband ALL wrong. Im not gentle when I’m suggesting that he handle things differently. I don’t compliment him very often. I do interrupt his work thinking he needs a hug or a shoulder massage, but it just pulls him out of his zone. He adores me and puts up with all of my stuff. I’m gonna work on loving him better! Thanks for the tips! I really needed them!!

[@lockleak]

As a type three , I rolled over laughing in agreement about don’t interrupt us when we are in the zone! One of the things that drives me crazy when I am in my morning work zone, my most productive time, when co-works drops by for Social Hour!!! Yikes!

[@paigeherrmann6332]

When you mentioned like, planners and stickers I lost my mind because I’m literally holding my planner in my hands right now. These are SO SPOT ON AND ACCURATE.

[@janessa77]

I feel so seen and loved just watching this. 3w4 here. Loved this video. Every single thing is true for me. I need friends who pull me to just have fun. To lighten up and enjoy life and not always try to be productive /stressed. I want my romantic partner to pursue me.. Not always me have to be the initiating force in everything in life. I feel loved when a friend /partner initiates. I feel loved when they remember something of mine that's a favorite.

[@catherinele949]

oh. my. goodness. my husband is a 3. and wow. it's like you can see us. I love the enneagram! hahaahahha.

[@valaurica4590]

My boyfriend is a type 3 and I am a type 5 and since I know this now I'm researching on what he perceives as acts of love and appreciation and this really helps understanding the mind of a 3, thank you!

[@AbbeyHowe]

You're so welcome Val!

[@kylekufeld5982]

I'm a 3 and my girl a 5. This is almost pure gold. Share this video with him if you havent. He will appreciate it beyond any words!

[@kristenheerema7145]

O my goodness! I am just loving this...As a 6, someone saying "Are you going to therapy?" as I poured all my troubles out would DESTROY MY SOUL! I really like hearing how other people hear things! :) I wish the whole world knew their enneagram number so I knew exactly what they wanted to get out of an interaction with me. This has helped me SO MUCH! THANK YOU!!!!!

[@AbbeyHowe]

Thanks for sharing Kristen!

[@SirenoftheVoid]

I love cleanliness and organization! I do however,having the best products to do that cleaning.ANd yes,i got emotional over some of these,as a 3.

[@jessieransom2353]

I am an enegram type 4 and I am married to a type 3, and I relate so hard to this video (and your 4 one). Thank you for taking your time to do this! I loved watching this with my husband!

[@AbbeyHowe]

You are so welcome!

[@oliviadawn9002]

Hi!! I am a 4 w 3 and the guy I like is a 3 w 4... do you have any tips??

[@oliviadawn9002]

I can tell he’s insecure and I want to encourage him but I don’t want to say the wrong thing or be too sappy 😂

[@TALIACORNELIUS]

Me and my boyfriend are the same types as you and your husband!

[@lizzystreater9558]

I'm a 3 with a 4 wing. I loved your vid! So true with everything! Basically I want to be your friend 😂

[@benbell7275]

Nailed it ! I’m a Gemini as well so my light and dark side switches can be drastic and sudden .

[@gilajacobsen2881]

I just found enneagrams and this is the first video I watched on it. Not only that, I might be a 3. Thank you!

[@AbbeyHowe]

Thanks for watching!! Welcome to the enneagram family!

[@mariecasas]

I cannot like this enough! 😂 ❤

[@keithlyding]

Thanks! I’m a 3, and this list helped me figure out more about myself.

[@linthetin6419]

The constructive criticism one just blEW MY MINDD at the beginning of being in the dance company I'm in I would cry every day during rehearsals and classes bc if I would mess up at all I would feel like a failure and disappointment and it wasn't until my fav pastor talked about how I'm good despite of what I do and I was able to work on taking it to heart and making myself try to believe it did start to get better (I'm still definitely not perfect with this in a lot of areas but still) oh my goshhHH😱💛

[@14xx07]

💖 sending lots of love to you as a 4. You are really valuable no matter what people say!! :)

[@margaretjudice8944]

Let it go is one of my favorite Disney songs! Great information in this video! Thank you for sharing!

[@deborahtombs5774]

As a 9 who is dating a 3 this video is so helpful!! Also any tips for the dating phase would be appreciated! ☺️☺️

[@kieferjustine9392]

Wow!! This is SO helpful!! I've been helping the 3s in my life this way, but wasn't sure if I was actually helping them. This is such a relief. Thank you for getting out here on KZbin to discuss a topic that is hard! I mean that. I don't know how you and other KZbinrs do it.

[@AbbeyHowe]

Thanks for this comment ♥means a lot.

[@benjaminmoss4378]

resonated with this 1000000 percent because I am a 3 lol. crazy how accurate this is

[@spamdapowlee4303]

Not sure if this might be too heavy, since these videos are more light-hearted and fun. First let me say: as a 4w3 fix I can relate to some of type three tendencies (I am constantly talking about the future, my goals and visions and success is very, very important to me. Words of affirmation.. I apparently crave them too. I am extremely driven and love growth, be it professional or personal. I get frustrated with myself when I am not working hard enough and I love to achieve things.. my 3 wing gets me out of the 4 melancholy after a while.. but first comes the melancholy then the "get up and fight". It comes in handy instead of amplifying the withdrawn tendencies, if I had a 5 wing). To understand the difference though is (it might be to my tritype with 6w7 and 1w2 too though) that I would never change myself for someone else consciously and most of the time won't do this unconsciously either. I have barely if never sugar-coated anything I have ever said in my entire life (again my tritype is harsh). I am very honest. Too honest and truthful for most people. Only now I can slowly start to value saying things in a nicer way, when it comes to professional environments and people. The 3 wing really helps me with navigating social situations more and more. As a 4 I would always want to go too deep, when you actually stay superficial when meeting new people. I am trying to use this not too much though, because it still feels inauthentic to me, but it is helpful to create a harmonious environment, to make new connections and to meet your goals. Still, I don't shapeshift for others. I'd rather be uncool yet true to my beliefs than be loved by others. I would rather be deeply respected than liked. I do not stick to the etiquette, if it does not make sense to me (you could say I used to be socially awkward in a way.. I did not really understand the "social game" as an actual 3 would probably call it). Those 3ish tendencies definitely help me a lot and I am thankful for them. Now on the other side: While I like to talk about my achievements, the things I say are ALWAYS truthful. I almost never lie (and I never lie about my achievements at all) and if I do it is bcs of a very specific reason and I will feel bad about it anyways. Actual 3s can lie and spin stories very, very easily. They tell stories in a way that it will always be the fault of another person, leaving out important infos, which could make people see the 3s own mistakes in a fight.They also don't mind saying things, presenting an empty deal that will actually never be fulfilled. They give you the impression that you are closer than you actually are. They want to be loved and supported, but will give barely anything back. Real love and intimacy is hard for them. Authentic relationships and respecting people's feelings (letting them know where they stand with me) is way too important for me, another clear distinction between the types.. even if you have a 3 wing. Threes seem to barely have an authentic relationship with anyone, even their loved ones. They also only listen with the intent to one-up you and how they can match what you say about yourself. They constantly mirror you, the opposite of being authentic. I never do that. They are very smart when finding their way out of difficult situations, in case their image might be threatened (always making themselves look good to everyone, while playing the cards to their advantage). Quite a lot of people buy into it. As a 4 though (and my fellow 4s are able to see it too) I can often see the essence of what it is that 3s are doing. I believe different enneagram types do focus on different things and some people do not notice or pay attention to what the 3 does. I have massive problems with seeing someone not being real with me (the reason most of my worst encounters have been with 3s and 6s). Maybe because authenticity is so important to 4s. People constantly tell me I was the most honest person they ever met and that I am simply myself. I would never spin whole intrigues to take someone down and convince everyone the other person is at fault just because I am envious. And many 3s I met are very capable of that. This totally goes against my values as a 4. I want to stay true to them. Besides that I noticed several 3s throughout my life are the epitome of people who will drop someone like a hot potato once they find something or someone even "better" (in their eyes ofc). It is probably easy for them, since you aren't really as close as they let you think you are. Works well for 3s, who easily move on (at least on the outside). 3s will also copy others, if they see them being successful, while 4's pride wants them to be as unique as possible. While we all get inspired by others, I really want to come up with something unique myself. I saw 3s not mind stealing other people's ideas/ style. 3s get uncomfortable when you talk to them as if their mask doesn't exist. I do not. Sometimes you can see cracks in their mask and see glimpses of who they really are and that they really are not as confident as they portray themselves (yes they are assertive to get "love".. even though that is of course not tied to actual, intrinsic love but a superficial gratification, but underneath there seems to be some emptiness (?) and a lot of insecurities). They often hide behind other people.. I think here their connection to 6 shines through, because they usually do not have the guts to take you on in an honest way.. 4s usually stand alone. I also do not gaslight people, so I cannot be criticized (very 3ish and 6ish). Even though I highly dislike being criticized myself. I definitely am attention seeking, but I can actually share the spotlight with other people and hold back. With 3s that is almost never possible, they will always take the attention from you/ undermine you and will make you feel bad about yourself, if they see you succeed (very sabotage-y folks actually). I noticed many 3s "closest friends" are always people that are no threat to them, their success/ beauty and all the other things that make them stand out. When I was a younger, more naive 4, I once bought into a 3s constructed image, because of a lack of life experience back then.. a lesson for life that helps me see through 3s very easily now. Of course my own 4 projections played a role in this as well (could have noticed earlier), but do never take 3s up on their word. But they made sure I wasn't able to check, if what they told me was actually true. I do not doubt someone with a 3 in their tritype will (depending on the gut and head type) at least be of neutral standing to being very popular as they manage to be well liked easily. 3s always end up being popular, because popular people are barely honest. The most honest it can get is, when there is silence. Though they will tell you what they think about you indirectly. Just listen closely and watch out for back-handed compliments. Sorry if this sounded very negative, but I don't think I met 3s with whom things turned out for the better or ended at least in an honest way. With 6s chances are 50/50. If they like you they are great, if they do not like you... watch out! I think the best parts of 3s are what they already show you, but people cannot even fathom how much there is underneath. It's a bit like the Dorian Grey painting hiding Dorian's true self plus all the flaws, while he himself looks fancy and shiny on the outside. It's almost like an illusion and 3s consciously know what they do most of the time. Maybe this will help people to actually tell the difference between 3w4 and 4w3. There are fundamental differences. P.S. My high expectation might stress a 3 out as well, I am difficult to impress as a 4.

[@jessicaserrano8902]

I’m a 3w2 and I think when people appreciate me and the efforts I make are the most valuable thing to me. BUT telling me that I’m loved for who I am, and not what I do for people means the world to me. Once, I invited a friend to join me for an activity, highlighting all the things they would benefit from by coming and she replied That the only thing I needed to say was that I was going to be there, because that was a reason enough. It meant the world to me

[@nicoletteleriche]

I'm a three. I agree with all your points. I really hate to be interrupted by frivolous things while working. Do they not know how important it is to succeed and bring your a-game everyday??? I hate stupid funny videos and memes while I have important things to do.

[@clappster]

I’ve been soul searching for my type and have lingered on 1 and 9 for a while but recently realized I might be a 3. Your videos have made it abundantly clear I am 100% a 3 (although an unhealthy one who has been burying my needs) thank you thank you 🙏🏽🙏🏽

[@AbbeyHowe]

Oh wow! So glad I could be helpful!

[@SeanPalmerwriter]

Appreciate the video, Abbey.

[@IanJWatson]

This is amazing! I feel like I've searched a lot for this kind of help. My best mate is a 3 and it's hard to know the best ways to help and love him. I found your accountability examples SUPER helpful. I'd love to see more examples if you happen to think of any. It can be hard sometimes to know the best ways to love people but this has helped a lot! Thank you very much.

[@haley6876]

Oh my goodness, yes. I feel so seen!

[@travisrobertson6891]

This was awesome. Thank you

[@Cjeejc7]

My girlfriend is a three and thank you for the tips! I knew most of them because of her, but I will interrupt her since she works from home... I guess I’ll stop doing that 🙈🙈🙈.

[@Amy.freedomliving]

YES! Love me by scrubbing down the shower regularly. So true haha!

[@meghanneeley4714]

I am a type 3 and this is 100% right on!

[@mauriciobucardo4054]

thank you Abbey! Watched this with my partner and it was very helpful :) Keep up the good work

[@haleyscomment9844]

2:42- I’ve totally been there! 🤣

[@jayess211]

What are likely Myers-Briggs personalities for 3? Why not combine Enneagram w/ MBTI? That would be so cool! Kudos for great videos.

[@jessicawhittaker9685]

This is so great!!!! I love all of your videos and they are such a wonderful blend of fact and humor! Bravo! I’m just like you - the enchanter 3 wing 2. Yes everything is helpful! Something that helps me like therapy is writing to do lists and flows for the day - the I can check and prioritize. I’m married to 1 and work for a 1 - it’s super helpful - we just finished building a house. 😂 oh my.. coming to terms with all of this.. big fan!

[@dandelionssunflowers7328]

Thanks for the great tips on how to show love to my daughter (a 3) better. You’re awesome and helping to make a difference.

[@AbbeyHowe]

This makes me so incredibly happy, Tara. Thank you for the feedback.

[@ammarkhalil34v]

I LOVE YOU 3s lol I'm an ESFP 8w7 sx/so Choleric Scoai

[@timgriffiths6734]

Great video!! You're doing a great job!!! From one 3 to another--- keep putting out well produced, funny and thoughtful content!!!!! You're doing this KZbin thing Really well. 💪💪👍👍🏋️‍♀️🏋️‍♀️

[@changethementality]

Your videos are all great! Some affirmation you deserve :-)

[@carpediem92811]

ohhh thousand times yes! I agree with everything you said! and it's make me feel better that I'm not the only one with this crazy desire to being productive all the time 🤪

[@AbbeyHowe]

I'm so glad Lidia!

[@flutenanyidk1806]

I’m a three but my mom wins at everything so I’ve learned not to be super competitive. Honestly, that’s never been something I struggled with often. Once in a blue moon, maybe. Not often.

[@thatdude0202]

I wanted her to keep singing!!

[@taytaysinger]

I need some type 3 friends! As an 8 we’d probably jive pretty well together

[@janessa77]

Yes! I'm a 3 and I love 8s! Not as romantic partners.. But great to work with.. Ok as friends. It's hard as close friends because 3s and 8s are both very outspoken and can tend to struggle with empathy. But we make an unstoppable team for getting stuff done 💪

[@bananafish27]

So helpful, thank you!

[@AbbeyHowe]

You're so welcome!

[@radiyhakhatun1041]

Type 3s are my 3rd favourite personality types. 1 and 5 being joined 1st. 6 being 2nd.

[@adolfinablack6323]

I am a 3w4, and all of these are really accurate, but I find problems with “creating an intentional day of rest” (3:47)🤣. I think I will get angry when sb tell me to rest for a whole day and not talk about my goals, and worse-still, telling me to get a “work-life balance” (insert eye-roll). I will think that they are stopping me from productivity and obstructing my way to succeed. For example when my mum (she is type 9) suggested me to enrol in less activities during summer holiday and leave some time to “play”, I got mad and we had a fight hahaha. I think it’s important to understand that type 3s have a very strong need to keep going and make sure that they keep working towards their goals, and anyone who does not understand that will get a bad reaction from 3s. And lastly I really like your videos and I watched all of them💕:D

[@jessicagp]

Love them! Thank you!

[@kyliesmith5110]

BRB sending this to all of my family

[@kinka958]

good clip

[@saounera_TV]

I don't know if it's because you are also a three or what period but I really f*** with your video..🤔. SUBSCRIBED

[@kinka958]

Masz piękny makijaż, jakiego podkładu, pudru i rozświetlacza używasz?

[@evandyck3839]

Weirdly enough, I’m a 3, and when someone tells me they’re proud of me, it actually feels almost offensive to me! For some reason it sounds like they’re pointing out ways that I typically struggle and am maybe a little bit better at now, and that’s why their proud of me. But I have a hard time not feeling bad that I was struggling in the first place and not already super great 😵‍💫

[@ashleystoneking4235]

Abbey, this is SPOT ON!! I did have a question. As a seven, I can sometimes speak “off the cuff,” and unintentionally hurt my partner’s feeling with some criticism that was not delivered tactfully. For a couple of days now he’s been in his head and feeling down. Any suggestions how I can help repair things? Or help him feel loved despite my mistake? Note: I have apologized and explained in a gentle way what I intended to say the first time around. Thanks for the help!

[@rebeccalarson7995]

You helped me realize that I'm a 3. I don't know why that was so hard to figure out. Any suggestions? I thought I was a 5 at first. I'm a lot of different ones but this one seems the strongest. This is definitely it.

[@anintrovertlearnslanguages4506]

I'm a 3 that also thought I was a 5. This page helped explain why the confusion happens often for us: www.enneagraminstitute.com/misidentifying-3-and-5 - Hope it helps you too!

[@ayasafiya]

I'm so not a 3 but your videos always make me feel like one. Maybe I'm just a workaholic hah.

[@miriamdrace1918]

How does yhr partner of the three get some of their energy and attention and presence? Im always feeling so unimportant and pushed aside to his tasks and work and obsessions but he wants tons of my energy and support snd atte tion to always hear about his work and what hes got going on

[@joykendrick6156]

You describe me to a T. I'm a 3.

[@lilianlopezconde8691]

Will there be one on type 6 and 8 ? 🙂🥺

[@racquelfisher828]

I feel so known!!!

[@ravindrabej2584]

I think my father is type 3 istj

[@shereenpatten9580]

I am such a 3. LOL

[@johndowns4161]

Any other 3's highly attracted to Abbey ( sorry not sorry ) but know that two 3's might be nuclear. Great job Abbey. Love your energy. We could take over the world lol -- INTJ 3w2

[@bonniekassin2353]

This. ALL of this.

[@박가영-i5w]

soooo good

[@AbbeyHowe]

Thank you! Hope the 3s in your life are feeling the love!

[@melendres4]

Amen!!!

[@saimisaari9514]

ok amy santiago

[@KevintheRhea]

wait, it's possible to love us?

[@sabrinaxarruda]

💯💯💯💯💯🙋🏻‍♀️

[@Undisputedkingdom24]

👍👍

[@AbbeyHowe]

Jozabad Sanchez 👋🏼👋🏼👋🏼

[@blitz19113]

What kind of people are attracted to a partner who competes against them? That’s not relationship material.

[@crazyleaf257]

What if they are a narcissistic a hole?

[@allglorytochristourlord]

I am the 69th comment

[@jessicaserrano8902]

I’m a 3w2 and I think when people appreciate me and the efforts I make are the most valuable thing to me. BUT telling me that I’m loved for who I am, and not what I do for people means the world to me. Once, I invited a friend to join me for an activity, highlighting all the things they would benefit from by coming and she replied That the only thing I needed to say was that I was going to be there, because that was a reason enough. It meant the world to me

[@tonyajenkins15]

I relate 100% to this!

[@thebusinessmajor6729]

Yes, 3w2 here. That friend is gold

[@tiannabradley7587]

What does 3w2 mean? I just took the test and got type 3 with type 2 as secondary…👀 If that’s what it means, I’m that too!! Always trying to find out what the other person needs so I can be it? 👀