Top 10 Ways to Love an Enneagram Type Six

[@AbbeyHowe]

Share with the 6️⃣s (or people who love 6️⃣!) in your life! ❤️ Enneagram Instagram: instagram.com/enneagramwithabbey/ Subscribe for more videos every week 🎉 : kzbin.info Support this channel : www.buymeacoffee.com/abbeyhowe

[@JoellaAnna]

Never break a sixes trust, trust is everything can’t live without

[@AbbeyHowe]

trust is key for a six (and honestly, for everyone!)

[@ValerieCamina]

YES! I need to know that people can be loyal and committed.

[@sandyzuniga1]

I am a 6, and when someone tells me “all shall be well” it triggers my anxiety even more. And usually reply, “how do you know?”. So, personally, I don’t think that would work for me, but I do like most of the suggestions you offered in this video.

[@medicinatips3197]

It also triggers my 6 husband 😅

[@AgentSander]

Type 6 male here. My wife and I have worked out how to handle me, as I’ve been mentally unhealthy, for lack of better words.. the tip about humor is huge. When I’m healthy, humor is everything to me because the inescapable pessimism drowns me otherwise. When she slips a joke in, it reminds me of what it looks like to be healthy. Unfortunately, I’m far past the affects of the prayer. My brain immediately asks “how can all be well when ___” (usually a negative, lingering thought). I remember a time when I could have connected with that prayer, but now my wife is honest with me and she will tell me “nobody has answers to these impossible questions but if anyone can figure it out, it’s you.” That’s reassurance I receive well, especially when unhealthy. Basically she’s reminding me to use the brain I’ve been cursed with for good, not evil. Have a stroke of genius, not an anxiety attack. She’s also a great listener and even if she has nothing to offer in response, just the intentional eye contact reminds me she loves me and she’s with me. Unhealthy 6s are tricky. I find myself rejecting attempts at being shown love because, like you said, I don’t support or love myself the way I should.

[@wyoming1995]

This comment really hit close to home with me.

[@daniellthornton4218]

I’m a 6 and I literally ask my husband if we are good multiple times a week based on his facial expressions or tone of voice lol

[@paperbelt]

I'm a 6 and assurance is everything!!! I'm always wondering and asking if things are ok and if people love me😆

[@thadnorris]

Words of affirmation are definitely huge for sixes like me!!! We are always unsure of ourselves, but we trust the people around us to tell us the truth, so we are really able to take kind, honest compliments to heart!!

[@jonathang.h.4698]

I loved this!! My partner is a 6 (i'm a 9 btw and we're both enfp) and we've been together almost 3 years now. We never have had a fight (we discuss stuff but always in a calm and respectfull way) and that helps me a lot and also helps them bc our relationship is never a source of anxiety. I admire a lot how hardworking they are and all the things that they do and i'm constantly remembering them that, and they make me feel understand and needed but also giving me my personal space and not taking it like i don't love them. We've built a sense of trust, we help eachother a lot and I've never been happier :)

[@elisa4620]

That mantra/prayer is a good tip for anyone with anxiety! I remember when I used to have two or three anxiety attacks a day I would repeat myself a poem or a mantra that spoke to me and help calm me down. :)

[@axielotl2645]

For me, I feel like being reminded that things are ok and I’m still being loved without prompting are REALLY good

[@thenamesbria1313]

This video was very relatable for me! My partner is a 6, and because I’m full of empathy, I always try to approach him calmly and with understanding. This was great😌💖

[@AbbeyHowe]

Thanks for sharing!! I'm glad you enjoyed it!

[@ValerieCamina]

I am a 6 and I need constant reassurance, along with the 3 C's to building trust and rapport. Communication, Consistency, and Competency. Compliments and praise works best when communication is very specific rather than general. What irritates me is when people are too vague with their communication when trying to explain something to me and then I get the feeling that they are hiding something and not being honest with me and it just makes me think that I cannot trust that person. This may be different for other 6's but for me, communication, interaction and active involvement is the key for me. I do best when I can be actively engaged in the decision making process or in other activities that could possibly affect me. I feel loved when I can be actively involved and included in activities or in decision making process.

[@Xcopyz]

Yes, my Six girl does ask for constant reassurance.

[@Singlikeabird10]

My type 6 fiancé told me about the "all shall be well" prayer & we referenced it often early in our dating relationship-and this was before we knew about the enneagram! It blew my mind months later when I read The Road Back to You, and saw that prayer recommended for his type!

[@ladyvignette]

A lot of this is important to me, yes. I don't ask if people still love me, though. Seems too needy / obvious that I in fact need them. ;) But I absolutely need consistency in them, support, and for them to have my back.

[@AbbeyHowe]

Charity, you sound like a healthy 6!

[@radiyhakhatun1041]

Unrelated but my MBTI is INTJ-T. I love the Enneagram.

[@AbbeyHowe]

you're in the right place!

[@silverfox3195]

I'm a six and mine is INTJ-A haha

[@amcohyeah]

Omg Abbey, you are 100% SPOT ON. I am a 6 through and through!!

[@katiewenta]

I’m an 8 and my daughter just tested as a 6. Soooooo so helpful!

[@AquibMugdho]

i'm a six and i spiral down will all the pessimistic thoughts and it gets really hard to go up from there! It makes me feel nice that other people are like this and im not a neurotic person. It's true that my trust was broken by my abusive parents when i was a child and I still can't trust them. I don't talk to them often but i do keep a surface level relationship.

[@annerohr815]

I’ve always thought my fiancé was a six, and this video pretty much confirmed it. This quarantine has been really difficult for him. I’m going to work on these tips because I think they’ll help him a lot. Thank you for sharing!

[@AbbeyHowe]

Glad I could help Anne! Let me know how it goes?

[@syberyah]

I'm a 7 with a 6 wing, and I think you already mentioned this, but sometimes I overthink things and fear that I won't be good enough at X, or whatever, and I think something that would help in those situations is for someone to remind me of a time that I did that thing, or something similar, and I did it well.

[@InvaderSARS]

Covid has made my 6 go cray cray.. enneagram has rocked my world and helped me chill and realize why I am so stressed and hate authority;)

[@coreluxcom]

As 6w5 myself i really appreciate the line you gave in the end of the video , tbh having PTSD & Anxiety im always worried about getting betrayed and i dont trust most people , if anyone have more line as this one i would like to recieve it:))

[@jennlovedbychrist6477]

Look up Romans 8:28. 😁

[@mrsmaetaylor]

Excellent! My spouse is a six and you nailed it. Trust is the highest on the list. I needed the reminder. Absolutely love your videos. They are brief and thorough. I'm a 2 so getting to the point is very important.🙂

[@AbbeyHowe]

You are so welcome Mae!

[@clapersona7956]

Could you do a video about self-love tips for each enneagram?

[@AbbeyHowe]

Yes! I love this idea.

[@kevinthomas3965]

Thanks so much since I am a 6.....luckily my partner is mostly attuned to these practices.....in so important....need more humor to help me feel less anxious....6's put a lot effort into just living

[@AbbeyHowe]

Thanks for sharing Kevin!!

[@amymarissa7765]

we’re trying to figure out if my dad is a 5w6 or 6w5 haha... loved the video!! 🥰

[@AbbeyHowe]

thank you, Amy!

[@BrandtFamily08]

I think you really hit the nail on the head with all of these!

[@stephaniekalina2684]

Spot on! Thank you for making all these videos, Abbey!

[@AbbeyHowe]

Glad you like them, Stephanie! Thanks for the encouragement! 💜

[@JenXBeauty]

Suzanne is my teacher and I'm so happy to see you enjoy and recommend her study and books! GREAT channel. 🤗

[@AbbeyHowe]

Oh thank you!

[@jessicajaso4639]

I need help!! My best friend is a 6 and I’m an 8, and she gets so bogged down in fear and needs me to reassure her of things but then she freaks out when we disagree. I try my best to let her know that it’s okay if we disagree and that I love her, but because she’s trusted me to know the answers to so many things I feel like she’s expecting me to agree with her constantly. I feel trapped sometimes and I don’t always want to hang out because I know I’m gonna end up just trying to dig her out of her fear and it’s exhausting. I want to be there for her but i feel like I’m just a sort of counselor for her and I get tired. I miss just being friends the way it used to be when we were teenagers haha. I want to support her but her clingyness and my need for independence don’t mix well. She ends up feeling like I don’t care and I end up feeling trapped and controlled. I don’t know how to talk to her about this without her thinking I don’t love her or that our friendship is ending. We’ve been friends for 10+ years 😭💔💕

[@AbbeyHowe]

Hi Jessica! Thanks for sharing your experience as an 8 bff with a 6! I want to preface that I am not a guru of advice nor a licensed therapist so I would always take whatever I say with a grain of salt. However, it sounds like there are levels of unhealth within your friend and the friendship as a whole. One of the things you mentioned- that you end up being a counselor for her- is one of the dangers of loving a 6 if they are very unhealthy. It should be a sixes job to seek therapy or counseling OUTSIDE of their personal relationships. It is exhausting to be a friend/partner AND fulfill the role of a therapist. Personally, I would recommend that you focus on your personal level of health and show love to your friend while maintaining the boundaries you need in order to be healthy.

[@Askalott]

It's possible your friend has unresolved issues from childhood. It's really important that Sixes go through a process of self-discovery in order to manage their anxiety. Sixes lack trust in themselves typically due to early life experiences. Because of this lack of certainty, they are greatly affected by the opinions of others. Once they develop a strong sense of self, their relationships improve and they can reach their full potential. Perhaps just make sure your friend knows that if she's struggling with anxiety, the problem isn't her, it's her programming. She can work through it if she gets the right help. Brains can rewire and make new connections. Sixes often assume something is wrong with them or that they are broken, and they internalize everything. Let her know she isn't broken and nothing is wrong with her, she just needs help changing her thought patterns and figuring out where those patterns stem from. If she does this, the sky is the limit. Overcoming these obstacles will give her a unique strength.

[@sherowithme]

Waited patiently for 2 weeks. Reckoned it was still making-in-the-progress. So you can imagine how delighted when I just discovered you have released it!Love the lightness and tips you make of every video. 😊 Always thought sixes are pretty serious... Haven't realised we have so much humour though. Time to rediscover self!

[@Askalott]

Remember Sixes have a Seven wing. I feel like this side to them isn't often talked about.

[@nadaelattar8968]

I'm waiting for the rest episodes. You're doing a great job. Your videos help me enhance my relationships with people around me, especially my husband. Thanks dear.

[@AbbeyHowe]

I'm so glad they help!!

[@stephanielee9218]

Omg I've heard both of those questions from my six!!!!!

[@syberyah]

I notice you don't seem to have done one of these on 8 yet. My mom is an 8, and I would say that, like the 3, 8's prefer for everything in their living space (especially their own stuff) to be where it should be, because they need their space to be functional. They couldn't care less if it *looks* tidy, so long as it is arranged in a way that is practical for them. Also the reason they don't like to be vulnerable with others is that they don't want their emotions to be used against them. They're also sometimes not heard as much as some of the other types, which you might think seems backward, but actually, 8's usually speak up for other people and for ideas and their beliefs, but they *themselves* don't always get a lot of attention, if that makes sense.

[@phyllisthompson2729]

Just took the test today. A 6 is so me!

[@carolinbaez2671]

I hear that I am a six, and I totally feel like going under the table every once in a while, so it was funny when I saw you there :D

[@lm.4859]

I would love for you to make a video on the enneagram types of the Grey's Anatomy characters. ( I watched your Gilmore Girls video & I love it so much! ❤️) thx for the great tips too :)

[@AbbeyHowe]

Ooh, not sure if I know Grey's Anatomy well enough to do that 🤔

[@tellaphon6718]

Infps are good friends and possibly loves for 6/6w5 i guess?

[@andeezomerman9122]

Hey Abbey - your videos are so great for helping my teens understand the Enneagram. I am a huge fan of The Road Back to You and I'm wondering if you've ever done a video or explored the "counter-phobic" and "phobic" six? I feel they are 2 sides of the same coin (I am the poster child for counter-phobic) and may help with why some sixes' actions are presented differently.

[@AbbeyHowe]

Not yet Andee but great idea!

[@amandamcwilliams8470]

Andee, you should look into the instincts (self-preservation, social, and sexual) if you're not familiar with them. These to tie into the phobic and counter-phobic concepts of 6.

[@faithhammett7128]

I love your dress!

[@jmkiser33]

My 6 asks me if I still love her all the time lol love her to death and will always reassure her

[@AbbeyHowe]

good for you!!

[@loveteachingesl]

I have an 11 year old Enneagram 6 daughter. As a 7 (and hubby 8), I struggle so much with her anxiety. Instead of buckling down and getting something done, she dwells on the negative so often. I really don't know how to deal with it. My husband and I are so positive, and I just feel her dragging me/us down with her pessimistic attitude. I've read and watched so many videos to help us all, as well as taken her to counseling. She has recently started having panic attacks. Help! 🙏😫

[@ZAPMommy]

Can you (or have you) done a series about colleagues of different enneagrams? My colleague is a six and that would be very beneficial!

[@AbbeyHowe]

like a coworker kind of thing?

[@ZAPMommy]

Yes😊 At our last PD day, we had someone come speak about Enneagram and we all broke out into small groups and did some work around our enneagram. I’d like to get your take on it. You’ve got insight that makes me think differently.

[@AbbeyHowe]

@@ZAPMommy ooh cool! I will look into it

[@Quailll]

Abbey have you read the Spiritual Dimension of the Enneagram? I think it’s great book to learn more about all of the types on a deeper and more spiritual level.

[@AbbeyHowe]

Not yet! Thanks for the recommendation Valarie!

[@Quailll]

Abbey Howe omg!!! Read ASAP!!! lol it’s urgent!! Enjoy

[@amandamcwilliams8470]

The Enneagram of Belonging by a Christopher Heuertz is another great read!

[@silverfox3195]

Does any other six act angry when they are tired? For me once I reach that wall noise and chaos becomes extremely triggering. Maybe I'm a 1 lol

[@medstudent1613]

I have 6 traits, but I developed over some of those things of unhealthiness

[@toni2309]

What advice would you give to a six whose partner isn't too consistent with what they say they are going to do because they just forget details really easily? I'm the same, I forget stuff all the time as well,, so I understand and I'm not mad, but sometimes I just want to plan and it feels bad to not trust what my partner said that they are going to do.

[@JannyellHines]

Oh this is the same as a Cancer sign 🤦🏽‍♀️ I’m definitely a 6 😬🤦🏽‍♀️😍and I’m a Cancer ♋️

[@ginganinja1548]

Same!

[@JoellaAnna]

I defenitely ask that a lot of people/my partner if he still loves me

[@AbbeyHowe]

interesting!

[@ashleyh9430]

I can't tell what type I am. I've taken multiple quizzes, including the one you have to pay for. I've gotten 6, 4, and 2. The reassuring questions and procrastinating are definitely me, though.

[@amandamcwilliams8470]

If your answer to most test questions includes the phrase "it depends" you're probably a 6. I know that this was a huge frustration for me taking most personality tests. Nothing else captures the both sides of the same coin nature of a type 6 the way the enneagram does. I do also closely relate to and share some traits of type 4 and 2, but I'm unquestionably a 6.

[@fabianalimajoyce9153]

Anxious for the next one. How to love a Type 7. That's me ☺

[@AbbeyHowe]

hehe I'm working on that one this week! ♥️

[@annavines6187]

@@AbbeyHowe has it come out? I can't see 7,8 or 9 in this series

[@jfish032]

🥺 what about the 7?

[@AbbeyHowe]

literally editing it right now 😂 it will be up on July 30!

[@jfish032]

@@AbbeyHowe ahah yay!!! (My bf's a 7 😛)

[@AbbeyHowe]

Jordan Fisher amazing!! Okay well that video is ready to go and scheduled so check back soon!! ☺️☺️☺️

[@jfish032]

@@AbbeyHowe I for sure will!! I love your videos 😂 definitely fulfill both my obsession with Enneagram and my 3 wingg

[@OliviaRValle]

I’m a 6w5

[@desprinkhaan641]

Can I ask for advice? I'm definately a ennea type 6 SX/SP... and one of my best friends probably is a 6 too (not entirely sure, but almost). I'm extremely loyal, but do have limits... and a few months ago we got in a huge conflict because with his boyfriend they were planning of getting pups with their dogs, but also planning on killing a few of them at birth because they didn't want more then 3 pups (note: I still believe, my friend being a SP, he mostly did approve of the idea to prove himself to his boyfriend and group). Anyways, I cannot be besties with someone who chooses for pups and kills half of them. Just can't. So when I heard of the plan I exactly said that. And it hurt him profoundly because we're supposed to be friends no matter what... and I was willing to break the friendship. We made up, and he definately is keeping all the pups alive now, as he realized even if it's not for exactly the same reason he wasn't okay with the idea of killing part of them either... But still our friendship seems off since... and I don't know how to repair it? There's just this distance... we used to hang out all the time, and now we still hang out, but barely one on one. He used to want to see me all the time, now a lot less. He used to say he adores me, but I don't know if he still does and I don't know if it's he who's distant or me projecting? Because I also have the rule of no matter what and I feel I kind of broke his trust so I don't deserve his friendship anymore, but at the same time he broke mine too (trust of him being even kind an animal lover as me)... so I don't know..? -btw, he does tell me he has forgiven me, and that we're fine, but everything does seem just different.

[@braveknight2000]

Are you still friends?

[@julianap3412]

Type 7 pleaseeeeeee

[@AbbeyHowe]

coming soon!!!

[@alanhowe851]

Humor is overrated. Signed a #6.

[@AbbeyHowe]

😂

[@Moheroine]

I'm a 6w7 Be honest w us.

[@carolinbaez2671]

and I'm procrastinating right now :/

[@ariannajeliaecharri1544]

💓💓💓

[@AbbeyHowe]

💜

[@TheZiggyBomb]

Where is the "Top 10 Ways to Love an Enneagram Type Seven"?

[@AbbeyHowe]

Leila M coming soon!!

[@TheZiggyBomb]

@@AbbeyHowehappy to hear it :]

[@carlaberry4604]

You can't. Just let if flow.

[@Undisputedkingdom24]

👍👍

[@AbbeyHowe]

👍🏽 😉

[@PerfectguyMrdushX]

❤️👍

[@medstudent1613]

I have 6 traits, but I developed over some of those things of unhealthiness