ENNEAGRAM Type 9 | Annoying Things Nines Do in Romantic Relationships

[@AbbeyHowe]

☕️ Go the extra mile & support this channel: www.buymeacoffee.com/abbeyhowe (Buying a coffee means that I can pay for my editing software and pay Daniel who helps me shoot the skit sections! I love what I do, and having some financial support really helps me keep going!)

[@francesca.pellegrino]

My partner is a 9, and it definitely has taken me a long time to understand that he gets emotionally exhausted by many everyday tasks, like driving.

[@AbbeyHowe]

Driving can take a lot out of you! 🚘

[@bbjudyfit]

I hate driving.

[@Donquicote]

Driving are the worse!. But i often cant deny

[@AnggunTriastuti__A]

I really hate driving

[@janetstreet7264]

I'm a Nine, and driving exhausts me, too.

[@lulubeukes2296]

I'm a type 9, and I try to avoid conflict by listening to peoples needs and making them feel heard. When conflict does rise, I don't avoid it, or shut it out, rather I want to talk it out calmly as soon as possible, so it doesn't bottle up and make me anxious. I can also be very assertive if someone is making someone else uncomfortable, but not so much when it's me who's uncomfortable😅

[@wolszczaw]

same here

[@eval4495]

Omg yes, I'm only assertive when it happens to be about others but not myself. ;-;

[@xladyvalkyriex]

I laughed at "I don't have any opinions!!! I'm Switzerland!!!" 😂

[@AbbeyHowe]

that was my favorite line haha

[@xladyvalkyriex]

@@AbbeyHowe I'll remember to use that in the future. 😂

[@crystalcleara.k.a.missyoko1430]

Ooh l love that so much 🤣🤣

[@saradoka4539]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@Barbbb131]

I actually use that one a lot 😂😂

[@kelseywarren-bryant2682]

My husband, an enneagram 9, was listening to this as I watched it. He said, “Why is she following me??” 😂😂😂

[@vlmerkiel]

Me, a 9w8: Ouch. This video kinda hurts to watch. Am I really that annoying to be in a relationship with? Abbey: *mentions how 9s can be overly sensitive* Me: *checks self* Okay, I can see that. 🤣

[@addaminsane]

Every number is annoying in a general sense when they are disintegrating, particularly to one who is stuck in growth mode. It's only in growth mode that we become capable of widespread appeal. A crystalized number can recognize disintegration in one they have become close to and do what is necessary to redirect that person to growth mode. An immature enneagramer will come across as one-dimensionally judgemental based on shallow interpretations of the traits.

[@JustHuman87]

I’m an 8 with a 9. Definitely struggles for both parties. But I love my 8 :) I’m sure your partner does as well! Sending peace & love!

[@amelialickey]

Youth group worship leader email: you’re on to sing this Wednesday night! Me, a 9: doesn’t open emails all week. Opens it on Wednesday. Realizes I forgot to check my emails and was supposed to be at the church 15 minutes ago Other youth group leader: oh it’s ok! Someone can sub for you! Me: feels extremely guilty but also is happy that I don’t have to go anywhere Izza good life

[@tyleremery7088]

Me, also a 9: receives an email that isn't super important but still requires follow-up, reads it, "forgets" to reply because the act of opening it and knowing that it requires follow-up is emotionally exhausting, never gets around to replying, pretends it never happened, feels guilty but also glad that I don't have to worry about it any more

[@GoodBloodGames]

This spoke to me.

[@waffleton5815]

I’ve done the exact same thing 😂 I do tech and sound at my yg but we have two other guys that will back me up if I forget or “can’t come” but I’m the happiest man on the planet when I realize I get to chill at home and watch the office 😂

[@crystalcleara.k.a.missyoko1430]

Ooh my gosh so relate

[@Fire-Queen]

@@tyleremery7088 Yes!

[@Sophia-ix2ri]

On #4 and anger, something else is happening when I act this way, and other nines might relate. When I’m angry enough that the other person can see it, I’m not hoping they know I’m angry. I’m hoping my anger will go away or thinking I can hide it. Usually when someone else can see I’m upset I thought I was keeping the truth about my feeling to myself (and maybe not even that).

[@swatirao6118]

Oh yess ‘ absolutely

[@liascott2014]

I learned I have to tell people how I feel or everyone else will continue to be more important and my needs un met. So I always remind myself now “my feelings matter.” It helps to be open about our feelings. But it’s not easy either! Always a work in progress. But more inner peace after and surprisingly closer relationships with people! Just gotta rip of the bandaid a few times to see the positive impact it can sometimes have. To tell people how you feel. Can minimize that pain or hurt.

[@laurengraham9325]

For me, I’m hoping it will go away, but also I don’t know how to explain my anger to other people. I don’t know the right words.

[@claudiarivas8492]

You got me on the first one. It killed me! Hahaha I DO move in slow motion when people tell me to hurry up, and I'd ask the exact same question: "Is it really that bad if we're late?" 😆😆

[@shynn5827]

Come on thats normal the other person should have known: never ask a 9 to hurry up!

[@DariusLong]

Did you just change into pajamas, Lol! I'm a 9w1, and I definitely laughed at this,, great video Abbey!

[@AbbeyHowe]

LOL! Thanks Darius!

[@swansong-oi2yz]

OMG that #1 is spot on! I get very stubborn when someone's telling me what to do or pressuring me, I am most likely to do the opposite than what I'm told.

[@Wulfex]

I hope you know that I sent this to my partner, and just said "I'm sorry...". I died of laughter from the "banging dishes in the kitchen because I'm passively mad" scene... because I've totally never done that. Never.

[@adrienmerliss9927]

Notification pops up. Me: Enneagram 9? Abbey is coming after me. 😅

[@AbbeyHowe]

Hehehe

[@theodoesthings]

I've never been in a romantic relationship but I know that I'm not ready for one because I canttttt communicatttteeeeeeee (I'm a 9w1 btw)

[@AbbeyHowe]

Communication just takes practice!!

[@joyberryyy]

You can do it! I'm 9w1 too and even until now I struggle so much with words but it's not impossible for us. Like abbey said it just takes practice, and also just know that there is nothing wrong with communicating what we truly feel and think, it may feel weird and exhausting at first but it's freeing❤️ finding a partner who genuinely listens, understands and is a good communicator really helps too (my bf is a healthy 5 and I've never felt so understood in my entire life lol)

[@cachectin23]

@@joyberryyy I love this. I had a partner that I now realize is probably a 9 and I am a 5. He was the best, but I had no idea what was going on the whole time. Me being in my head missed the indirect communication and then he just one day noped out all of a sudden. Was devastated. But he is such a lovely person. It all makes sense now. I am glad you got yourself a 5. We are tough though,.

[@saradoka4539]

Don't worry, 9w8 INFP here, I used to be so anxious of being misunderstood, and so concerned with the opinion of others, that the words couldn't make it out of the mouth. We just need to find some peaceful, non judgmental people out there. And absolutely use humour. It helps. 😜😜

[@shawnald]

Well this hit home. I'm a 5 and the wife is a 9. Especially the power move of always being late when I'm nagging her to get out the door. And the part about "suppression of needs." ACTUAL MARITAL CONVERSATION: 9: "What do you want for Christmas." 5: "I want an Iwata BC-CS airbrush. They sell it at Hobby Lobby. It's $149, but here's a coupon for twenty percent off. You'll find them in Aisle 22. Here's the part number and the SKU number. If you have any questions, find the department manager, Tom. He ran an airbrush T-shirt company in California and knows everything about airbrushes." 9: "Got it." 5: "What do you want for Christmas?" 9: [shrugs] "Oh. I dunno. Surprise me."

[@thunder176]

You see, as a 9 myself, and don't get this the wrong way, but if she's a 9 like me then she may consider having an answer ready for the question what she want to get from others as to be kind of presumptious. 9s are not at all picky in what they want from their partner, they really just already like it because it comes from you, and consider themselves pretty rude to request a specific thing. Mind you, I do respect that you have the confidence to have a clear answer and also as a 9 that is the answer I most desire too, because we can get overwhelmed by the sheer choices and if we did or did not buy the right thing, but to ask a 9 to have a clear answer for a bday or xmas gift, is to ask a fish to climb a tree, lol.

[@laurengraham9325]

I’m a 9 and I just tell people what I want. I never get it though. I’ve been asking for a new knife set (German or Japanese preferred) for 2 Christmases 😢

[@shawnald]

@@laurengraham9325 Ironic. This year she actually asked for two things: A knife set and a food processor. (YES!!!!) And then a week later she bought them for herself at Macy's.

[@shynn5827]

A 5 and a 9...... 🤔 how do you make that work? I m a 9 and my father is a 5... he is literally the only person in the whole world that i argue with every single time i talk to him!

[@shawnald]

@@shynn5827 Eighth grade. 14 years old. Walked by her sitting on the floor outside of the Girls' locker room, waiting for her PE teacher to start class. She was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. I couldn't breathe. 41 years later she still takes my breath away and she's still the most beautiful creature I've ever seen. Her goofy Type 9ness? Meh. I get it. I put up with her lounging in her underwear until noon on weekends. She puts up with my, "What is that song? On the Muzak? What year did that come out? It was 1977, I'm pretty sure. Sounds like Neil Diamond wrote this, right? Hang on, waitress, I need to Shazam this then look up the wiki. We'll order appetizers in a minute."

[@mcbutter9]

I got halfway through your first point and had to get up and restart the video with my boyfriend and I cried laughing cause this is all too real

[@AbbeyHowe]

Omg this makes me so happy. Thank you for telling me, Molly! ♥️ 😂

[@chrnogirl]

Im a type 9 and my major in undergrad was Communications....because that makes a whole lot of sense with who I am as naturally terrible communicator of my feelings/wants/needs haha!!

[@skf2658]

I was confused what my type was but typed as a 9 twice so I watched this video and yep, I’m a 9 for sure. Also, “I have no opinions, I’m Switzerland!” Best line ever😂

[@Eqmastery]

You've got such a gift for these videos Abbey! Hilarious, informative and clearly something you take pride in. Keep it coming!

[@AbbeyHowe]

Thank you! Will do!

[@timjeffries9833]

9w8 here. I’m sending this to my wife. I’m pretty sure she’s going to subscribe after watching this. 😂

[@AbbeyHowe]

Haha say thanks to your wife for me!

[@annkxlly]

But I AM Switzerland 😂😂😂

[@AbbeyHowe]

hahahaha

[@saradoka4539]

Deaded 😎

[@Desic123]

Conflict avoidance with show tunes. YES!!!!! Now to watch every KZbin video ever to feel comfortable and safe. Throwback to the social media video.

[@AbbeyHowe]

THE BEST KIND OF CONFLICT AVOIDANCE! (Now off to listen to hours of Hamilton!)

[@tyleremery7088]

...Oh, dear, is _that_ why I watch so much KZbin? That makes so much sense that it scares me lol. Time to go binge more KZbin and not think about that, I guess.

[@lillibear69]

oh my god!! I thought that the fact I was a 9 was super accurate but it never covered anger issues. I feel so seen. I'm not a confrontational person so I do hint at it at hopes that they get the hint and stop making me mad which normally just leads to more tension which is what I hate

[@emmabradford5732]

It really hit when you started singing “Good Morning Baltimore” saying hairspray is an absolute favorite!

[@AbbeyHowe]

still slaps 🤣

[@cornzzn]

i was surprised too, there was one time in school where we had to perform songs from hairspray as a year end gig i guess and the whole thing is just really memorable for me.. that was like idk 3-4 years ago

[@jamiehenderson6387]

Oh wow. Great content! So much of this is my life with my 9w1 INTJ husband. I love him dearly, he’s a pretty amazing person, and very intelligent. So whyyyyy does asking him to hurry up make him move at 1/8 speed?!? That is exhausting. The other one that gets to me the most is the absolute conflict avoidance. As an ENTP 7w8 avoiding conflict is NOT in my nature. 😄

[@AbbeyHowe]

Glad you enjoyed, Jamie!!

[@maryprice8458]

Wow what a relationship combo of personalities.

[@jamiehenderson6387]

@@maryprice8458 We usually provide pretty good balance for each other I think. He’s a rare enneagram type for INTJ. But I’m pretty standard with my types. 😃

[@ric9761]

“NO NO NO I DON’T HAVE ANY OPINIONS I'M SWITZERLAND 😭”

[@lovel9531]

I’m a 2 and this is my boyfriend, 100% 😂 even without letting him take the test. The “Oh you’re gonna sleep early?” “It’s been a long day..” “but it’s just 4pm?” “I said it’s been a long day” is US HAVING THE CONVO ALL THE TIME.

[@j_hafe.]

Hah! I just proposed to my 9w1 girlfriend, and I'm a 9 (she brings out my 8wing). We go months without having difficult talks or addressing issues. Working on communicating our Needs, Wants, Desires!

[@Pretty_Mess]

When I first read the description of a 9 I said to myself, “this definitely isn’t me” but after watching this I absolutely 100% am a 9! 😂

[@JanKatrinaGuanzon]

I love your humor and advice Abbey! Informative video as always 💝

[@tyleremery7088]

Oh, boy did I click fast when I saw this lol. 9w1 dating another 9w1. Edit after watching: I feel seen. I haven't figured out if that's good or bad yet, but I definitely feel seen. You nailed every single one. The descriptions, the skits, all of it.

[@AbbeyHowe]

Hi Tyler! Thanks for letting me know. I hope that you don’t feel bad- the enneagram shows us the best and the worst parts of ourselves (-and it helps us to grow!) 🙏🏼 ♥️

[@tyleremery7088]

@@AbbeyHowe Lol, all good. I think it's just the weird feeling of being vulnerable but also noticed and appreciated at the same time. 😊

[@heatherbryant4197]

How interesting. Hypothetically, at first I imagined two 9w1s might have trouble communicating, but on second thought, if you both tend to be indirect and subtle, you might be better at reading your partner's hints, so it actually might work. 🤔 And you probably don't have to worry abut anyone going aggro.

[@Andi-y8e]

I’m a 9w1 and I’m told I’m docile and emotional over small things… 🥺

[@nat1XP]

Thank you abbey. For both lifting us up and giving advice.

[@AnaNas-bm2uv]

I'm a 9 in and I'm in a relationship with another 9 :D hahaha We are both happy, because we don't pressure one another, but we have to work on comunication 🤣

[@AMoniqueOcampo]

Trying to figure out if my brother is a 9w1 or a 1w9. This might help! (Cuz this can apply to familial love.)

[@AbbeyHowe]

Awesome! Check out my other 9 videos too! (Esp how to love a 9)

[@yourneighbor7260]

Im not even in a romantic relationship. Im this way to everyone. 😅

[@readersgottoread1443]

Saving this for my future mate 😉 LOL Thanks for your empathy and the laughs!

[@Chrysanthemum808]

Lmbo! As a 9w1, this got me. 😂 I’ve done some of these things.

[@abandonedruin]

As a 9, a few of these hit close to home. 😂

[@derrickbarney8731]

Mom: I need you to do this that and the other thing. Me: I need to go to the bathroom Mom: YOU ALWAYS DO THIS !

[@phillconklin382]

I love your over the top sense of humor. It feels fresh.

[@brismiley]

I am a 9w1 and I saw myself in all of these at different times in my life. 😜

[@ashleyh9430]

I was trying to figure out if I am a 6 or a 9 (after retaking the Cloverleaf test and getting 9), and I'm pretty sure this video confirmed that I am actually a 9 after all!

[@AbbeyHowe]

Ashley ... glad it was helpful!

[@ndjubilant8391]

I am married to a lovely, handsome wonderful full-blown 9. And this is true.

[@drewgootz1713]

this is so fucking scary how accurate it is... thank you

[@emilybaker6193]

I am definitely an ennegram 9 but I never felt stubborn.. if anything, I'm waaaaaay too accommodating.

[@mallorygliko7297]

Haha, "I don't have any opinions, I'm Switzerland!" Nice.

[@Josephine26323]

This is funny ,You're exposing me😂

[@paul5471]

😂 number 9 here!! Can't we just get along 😅

[@fzzypurpleturtle]

I am definitely a 2 but so much of me is a 9. I tested and identified as a 9 for years until someone staunchly suggested I was a 2 and they are definitely right. But I still can’t help but see so much of myself in the 9s My husband is also a 9 and we’re both burnt out rn. So it’s both of us doing these things. It’s great haha

[@daniellthornton4218]

My husband is a 3 and in stressful situations he goes into 9 and I can totally see that switch scenario! Can completely ignore me and my 6ness and talk about video games lol

[@Jaimelaffoon]

I have a relative that’s a 9 and he is WAY passive aggressive, not to me mind you. He was really upset you could tell by the snide comments he made to his wife.

[@caseyspencer4705]

You just got a new sub. Why you ask, because Animal Crossing is absolutely my escape and that is my new favorite song.

[@AbbeyHowe]

I knew I would win someone over with the Animal Crossing reference 😂

[@iskatefor1234567890]

I love my nine!!!!!

[@AbbeyHowe]

♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

[@spiritkingh]

9w8 here and I feel read haha, great video!

[@rebeccatrejo1705]

My daughter is a 9 and this is on point.

[@TheKgal89]

You are wearing the 7 top! 😁

[@AbbeyHowe]

😂😂😂 I only have so many clothes haha

[@baruteku]

That slow motion bit is so me.....

[@lisatutler-jones5992]

Now I feel like I need to retest. One and 3 were dead on but the others I'm not too sure.

[@ebonnymack2560]

Omg funny!!!! I'm a 9 and will have to show this to my husband! I can definitely relate to this! Lol

[@doantrinhbui1387]

I feel so called out LOL

[@CecilMeowzer]

This is so true. I love all your content but these videos always give me Rachel Berry vibes.

[@stacywright86]

My husband typed as a 9 and I’m like how?!! Your not peaceful with me! But when you said they are the most stubborn I’m like YES! That must be why! And conflict avoidance and withdrawing I’m like yeah!!! That’s right too! I’m a 6 so conflict is hard. Lol

[@tyleremery7088]

Take away our inner peace and we'll fight tooth and nail to get it back lol. 😜

[@paigetitone8319]

My husband is a 9 too and I’m a 6. He has a hard time admitting that a marital relationship brings out his unhealthy behaviors. He tells me his friends and ex girlfriends’ didn’t see him as stubborn or hard to communicate with. I keep trying to explain that when you live with someone and have to share almost everything with that person everyday, it’s not the same as seeing a friend or girlfriend once a week. I get all of his stubbornness and conflict avoidance at the end of the day after he’s put most of his energy into his job during the day. It can be exhausting!

[@pointerdogmarketing2197]

I thought I was a type 6, but I might actually be a 9--yeah, I consider security and guidance important, but also peace and relaxation

[@luandthelion]

🤣 I hope you have your pinky up while you’re sipping that tea!! Haha!! Side note: I’m more confused than ever about my type. I can’t wait until you start taking clients!

[@ktbug8a2]

where did you get the cardigan? also I think it’s a total type 9 accent piece lol 😂 and yes, everything was accurate even though I’m a single pringle

[@AbbeyHowe]

I found it at a thrift store, but it was originally from madewell!

[@laurenthomas7200]

I thought I was a type 9 but this video makes me question it.

[@crownandcountryside]

9w8 here... Very accurate video!

[@NancyB455]

Ok, I was completely outed by this video. You aren't allowed to do any other videos until you do the 8s version of this so I can show it to my husband. 😉

[@trevawhitmoyer682]

I’m not stubborn…I’m willful! It’s a bit different. 💪🏼

[@elviradesouza1955]

I love your videos and your energy ❤️❤️

[@greezymoney5555]

I feel called out 😁

[@lisajohnson9278]

Now pair these traits w/ narcissistic family members that love to take advantage of and strongly reinforce the tendencies to people-please, avoid confrontation, and suppress negative feelings by meeting any attempts at real communication w/ narcissistic rage aka confrontation. I'm a work in progress...

[@ashleycollins3676]

Oh my gosh! So true, it’s me....I’m the 9. 🤦🏻‍♀️

[@liascott2014]

Omgosh… I don’t know how many times I’m suppose to mistype myself until I finally get it right. When I took Katherine’s test I got 649 but they said the way I answered I could be a 9. I didn’t think much of it. But since I’ve found my more authentic self this past year, watching the 6 vs 9 videos I no longer relate to the 6. Only the 9. Some of these made me laugh so hard. Like I don’t like being too busy cause it’s too easy to feel stressed so I make sure I have lots of relaxing me time to recentre everyday. If someone tried to hurry me or mess up my relaxed state because they are unorganized etc I will totally act like you did in that video! Ahahaha cause I won’t accept someone else bringing turbulence to this inner peace I worked hard to find within myself. Totally relate to that. One of my affirmations I tell myself everyday is also “my feelings matter” to help me remember. Part of my personal inner work. So interesting. I think I might actually be a 9 now. But who knows maybe in 6 months from now I’ll think I’m something else.. 🤦🏼‍♀️

[@christynahai]

I’ve read that 9s are the most likely to mistype themselves 😋 I’m a 9w1 and mistyped myself as a 4 for the longest time, but I’m sooo a 9.

[@sidney2900]

Ooof as an enneagram 5 I find this so annoying. Are 9’s and 5’s incompatible?

[@jakitacriswell-reed3890]

Loved this video lol #4 is so ME! 😂😂😂

[@lesnspired1]

Omg 1 had me ROLLLINNNNNNNN. THAT IS SO ME 🤣😂🤣😂🤣

[@crystalcleara.k.a.missyoko1430]

Oh my gosh you got a subscriber for life now ! Second video and ooh this 9 is here to stay 🥰

[@AbbeyHowe]

Thanks for subbing!

[@pixelpulse_boy]

@@AbbeyHowe hey abbey! Whats your enneagram type?

[@BrandyH-eh9up]

Keywords: shut down, distractions… yes i was waiting for you to say this.

[@BigDeal515]

ahhh so your moving in slow motion....lmao i was cackling

[@MrSalvatico03]

I say “I’m Switzerland” all the time 😂😂😂

[@belleofthecamp6530]

Wow. Nailed it!!

[@saradoka4539]

Now I understand why my besties called me Uncle Iroh, from ATLA 🤣🤣. I'm a 9, but I'm not from Switzerland. That Goodmorning Animals song made me laugh so hard 😆, when dad wants to talk about smth serious with me, like school decisions and friendship choices, I go to writing in my diary for 24 hours, or listening to music 🎧🎶 A question : do nines share some traits with all of the enneagram types?

[@fairyfits]

omg intentionally moving slower when someone tries to make me hurry!! Stubbornness too close to home T_T

[@yamamma9224]

This is painfully accurate though I’m not proud of it lol

[@izy2302]

I'm watching this to understand my mom better

[@sofiam9921]

At the sensitivity part I literally had to breath an oh shit before it started because I knew what was coming

[@happyfellowship4291]

how did you know I love Good Morning Baltimore

[@seforaker]

I'm 5 and hes a 9 YUP

[@AbbeyHowe]

YUP 😂

[@heatherbryant4197]

I think 5s and 9s have a lot of common ground

[@alexrose20]

this was really annoying with my ex 😪

[@fanyoutube]

I’m not to sure about my number type. I have a general idea about the enneagram. I understand everyone has a little bit of each number but for me it is quite difficult to find my number. I’m guessing myself too much and can’t come up with a conclusion with the number type.

[@Undisputedkingdom24]

9

[@mauricecampbell2816]

I understand myself soooo well now lolllll🤦🏾

[@adelndia3558]

My sister is a 9 1:04 so real

[@xd-lj5pu]

i'm a 9w8 and actually need confrontation with people to make things work

[@s.gulston-davis738]

I am a 9 and I do suppress my angry and its for good reason. I use to be Godzilla thank God for growth.

[@profabdiel4592]

Somos hermosos los 9

[@Shadowwing1994]

The passive aggressiveness of 9s is really annoying. I just can't stand it when anyone can't be straight forward with what they are feeling like mature adults. It makes them hard to be around

[@yukaramonroe7847]

Who else is a 9😂