AbiGirl's 1st time listen & reaction to "Su!cide / For Joe" by Ren!

[@SimonSykes-Shellman]

We all cried for and with Ren we he released this, Su!cide needs to be spoken about and not swept under the carpet. Lovely reaction Abi - you are one of the best x

[@badwolf1587]

Hell I cried with her every time 😢

[@majbrat]

I agree. The social media b.s. to censor it is ridiculous. It's like child putting their fingers in their ears and yelling to not hear the truth; staying in denial.

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

I humbly accept your wonderful compliment, thank you so much! 🩵

[@peterbuckingham5866]

Ren donated £22,000 to the local Lifeboat RNLI in memory of his close friend Joe. This guy has a massive heart of gold as well as being a musical genius

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

I have no doubt of that in my mind!

[@fionaashton1738]

Ren has said that, when he first started making music, Joe was his biggest fan & learnt every word to every sing Ren made so he'd definitely be so proud of him now.

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

No doubt!

[@JulitaPio]

When I saw you reacting to these two songs at the same time, my thoughts were "oh s...". You did it well my girl, it's not easy, I was a total mess, crying my eyes out with you now. I remember Ren once said that he didn't delete himself only because he didn't want his loved ones to feel like he did after he lost Joe.

[@badwolf1587]

Yep.... and I'm sitting in front of the front door of a DG... Waiting for family, and everyone glancing is seeing be bawling 😢

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

We can cry together next time Julita 🥹

[@gletski7591]

I've reacted to reactors with these songs 100s of times.. Still cry every damn time, and I know what's coming 😢❤

[@Tokin420]

Same here. On Chalk outlines I start to tear up by the end of the 1st 3 chords he plays on the guitar

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

This was a lot to take in but it really is so beautiful!

[@ezrasace]

The last part of Suicide happened after Ren's interview with Knox Hill and Joe was brought up in the conversation. Ren had thought he had worked through the pain of Joe's death. Ren had the first part ready to master and he wanted to add the last part. That part is as it was written. Ren would write a few bars and then record it. Ren left in his sobs as they are real emotion. Good for you for listening to both songs in the same video. Much respect. You have a beautiful cry face.

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

Your last comment made me cry haha I'm so emotional 😢 thank you!

[@barbarahatcher5942]

I think Ren was very calculating by putting such a catchy and almost soothing beat on the first part, and then gutting us all at the end. Like Suic*de can be sooo tempting and seems like the answer but it is such a permanent end that shatters all those around you. Absolutely beautiful song in every way. When he says "With all my rhymes" I couldn't hold back the tears.

[@danielmoore9071]

Nope. The last bit was added on after an interview with Knox Hill. He felt it wasn't quite complete.

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

I tried really hard to hold back the tears. FAILED. haha it's impossible with Ren.

[@drzonbrone3346]

When he rips his heart open and shows you how he's feeling. Of course you're going to feel it with him. Gets me every time. Such an artist. All from the heart.

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

Facts ^

[@noorieiversen]

Ren is a pure soul with real light inside as well as real darkness. As do we all... he is just truly authentic and hasn't lost hope for humanity. Keep lifting the vibrations!! ❤❤❤ improvisation is a hella vibration. 🔥

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

Well said!

[@Steve-c5j]

Ren wrote the song 'Freckled Angels' in tribute to Joe. He has a video of when he very first performed it in public 8 months after Joe was lost - Freckled Angels (Live Performance) - you will be captivated by 'baby' Ren.on stage.

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

I gotta see this

[@albamartinez4987]

​@@Abigirl_Reacts bring the tissues

[@MrsKsYtube]

He’s so powerful! He makes me cry 😢 every time too! Thank you for sharing. 🫂

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

You are so welcome!

[@TehZombish]

So, if I remember correctly, the video was just done by AI... using clips from his videos, as well as a lot of art that people have made for him. I could be wrong. As for the song... yeah, it's a bop. and I think that is so apt. I thankfully have never had serious thoughts of taking myself out, but a lot of people I am close to have... and Suicide is very seductive. That's the whole reason KZbin doesn't like people mentioning it. There has been some studies that show a correlation between talking about suicide and the number of suicides going up. But I like to think Ren made the first part as a bop, to get that feeling across. The second part, with the piano was done after Suicide itself was finished. He was talking to Knox Hill about all of this stuff in an interview, and from that he decided to go back and write the last part. One of the few songs that gets me every time. As for for Joe, it is SO awesome you did them both. Gives a nice catharsis for the pain. For Joe was when I realized that Ren wasn't JUST a singer rapper guy, that he was much much more. Keep crushing it as always, Abi!

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

He's an artist that's for sure. Thanks for watching!

[@a382453]

Oh AbiGirl ... thank you so much for that. I have come so close to crying with reactors For Joe ... but you got me ... sobs even. Thank you, Ren. I love you brother. She is right Joe would be so proud ... and we are all so proud of you.

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

💛💛💛

[@charleenk71]

You made me cry (and that’s not easy to do) at the end with your sweet words. Thank you for your reaction!! ❤️‍🩹 Hugs!

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

You are so welcome, tysm for watching!

[@seantaylor4095]

Beautiful reaction Abi. You always strike exactly the right balance between thoughtful insight and feeling the music, you're a natural at this. Btw LOVED your podcast with Ray! It was a pleasure to see 2 of my favs together like that! You managed to out-Ray Ray several times! 😂😂

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

I think it's only cause my mic was super loud, I will definitely have that fixed for next time 😅

[@DandelionCollab]

I'm glad to cry with you. With you all. Love you all. Don't hide the cry face. It's what you are authentically feeling and the authenticity is beautiful. That's why Ren touches us so deeply. Authenticity.

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

Let's cry together! 🥹

[@PsyberDude69]

I still cry when I watch both these videos after countless viewings of them. I have lost two friends to su!cide and I can completely relate to how Ren feels. R.I.P Gavin and Kim - you are missed

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

R.I.P. 🧡🧡🧡

[@garychap8384]

_"He makes me sob like _*_I_*_ lost a friend"_ ... I've never heard it put so well. His raw and brutally honest approach to music absolutely floors me. It connects hard... and it's what music has been missing. This is the kind of music that needs to be made... music that reaches inside, finds that part of us that's hurting, and reminds us that we're not alone. It's music that can save lives. Love you Ren. Sleep well Joe. Big hugs to all the Renegades. o/ o/ o/

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

Well said. Hugs for you!

[@Shiroar]

Ren is doing something very special and important with his art. He is voicing things we don’t talk about enough. He even made the chorus of Suicide so catchy that it can get us singing along. The first part of the song is about Ren’s own suicidal ideation. But after losing his best friend Joe, he just couldn’t put his loved ones through that. Instead he had times of wishing that the illness would end his pain for him. Luckily it didn’t, cause the world needs Ren. The second part of the song was written much later after talking about Joe in the first interview with Knox Hill. One day it just started pouring out. It is so raw because he recorded it bit by bit as he wrote it, before he could really process any of it. The added ending really completes the song. And makes it absolutely heartbreaking. But then he takes that ending and makes it the beginning of For Joe. And ends that performance with the chorus from first song he wrote for Joe: Freckled Angels. That song was written for the funeral and is an outpouring of pure love. And it makes it all come full circle in For Joe in a way that feels almost healing 🖤 Not sure I have come across any other artist who shares their unfiltered emotions and tears quite like this. We feel it so deeply because he feels it. Not only that but Ren is showing us all that it is okay to be vulnerable 🖤

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

Thanks for taking the time to write your insightful comment! ^_^

[@sahuero9620]

Freckled Angel is about Joe too.... i love that one!

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

Beautifully painful isn't it?

[@Onnabote]

A lot of people around the world who never knew Joe hold him in a place of reverence, thanks to Ren. You are who you inspire, as much as you are who inspires you.

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

Well said!

[@dmasters1970]

Yes It is quite incredible that as you say, Ren can make you feel like you've lost someone even if you haven't. In that performance by Ren, Joe was everybody's best friend the whole world was grieving his loss. I don't know a single artist that can do that! Just genius❤❤Thanks Abi x a true renegade through and through ❤ love To your family and little ones and lots of love Darren from the UK 🇬🇧

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

Thank you Darrren, you too!

[@sigally]

Abigirl, girl, loved your reaction🥰. I've heard some people that feel conflicted because of the 🔥beat . Ren wants us to enjoy his music and usually has this juxtaposition lyrically and/or visually. I think He wants us to feel all the things and understand. He writes with truth. Great appearance on Unc Ray's podcast btw 😊

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

Oh my goodness, I'm glad you watched both this and the podcast. See all sides of me! Haha

[@greglecig5549]

We all knew this day would come and as we watched you fall more in love with Ren, we knew it would hit you this hard. Just know we all broke down and cried with these tributes. I still can’t watch them and not shed tears. By the end of this video I had waterworks going. You did really good Abi ❤ we love you ❤

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

Thanks for the support Greg, I can feel the love!

[@Tom7496Maxwell]

What's up my dear, it's a Rensday. Love the reaction. Gotta say both of these hit me very hard, get me crying everytime. I've unfortunately had to live through this a few times. Very painful. Seeing my girl crying, sending hugs! ❤❤

[@robertproctor9747]

Thank you once again for a beautiful reaction Abi. You always brighten my day. P.S. I weep every time I watch this one too.

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

🥹🥹🥹

[@MuresanBol77]

He's been through so much...very few could have pulled through it all as he has. He's got himself a special purpose being here for us all now. And yes, we all cried at these two songs...so never worry about showing emotion. Stellar review, very stellar indeed!

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

I appreciate that, Thanks for watching ^_^

[@PeteAxeShields]

Beautiful reaction. Anyone who can watch / listen to this song and " performance " by Ren without crying is quite simply SOUL-LESS. I am 63 ( 64 in February ) and I have lost 3 of my dearest friends ( 2 to the word the algorithms will not allow ) I had a telephone message from my best friend, Mark, on the old answer phones back in the 1980's. He was a lovely, fun loving lad, who always called me " Rabbit " ( Peter Rabbit, childish I know but it always made me smile " I have you in my Filofax under " R " for Rabbit " he used to say in his Cockney accent - I'm a Northumbrian lad ) anyway, his message sounded so serious and he said he needed to see me. I forgot to contact him as I had a very busy schedule ... but when I attempted, the next day, and the day after that, there was no reply. Then an old work colleague told me Mark had " un-lived " himself. Nothing had ever hit me so hard. I was a zombie for weeks. All I could hear were Mark's words on the answer machine. " Can you call me Pete, I need to talk " PETE, not " RABBIT " I should have known something was very wrong. It took me 'til the 10 year anniversary of Mark's passing to bury the wee tape recording and Say my last farewell .... so yeah, I totally relate to Ren's tribute to his best friend, and his complete frustration at not being able to intervene in the tragedy. .... I'll leave it at that, except to say " Tell everyone you love, how very special they are in your life, at every opportunity. It is ultra important. Got Bless, " 🙏

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

You've been through it too! I'm sorry you went through that

[@peterveste6976]

Thank you Abi for reacting this song always makes me cry R.I.P.JOE HUGHES ❤❤❤

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

Thanks for watching ^_^

[@msays6459]

Only Ren could make a bopping tune out of such a somber matter. His crying cuts right to the heart, doesn't it? If you ever need to get your cry on and get some emotion out, this is a go to.

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

Only Red indeed ^_^

[@brendabromley5528]

Such an emotional song for Ren and us all too.💔💔💔

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

🥰🥰🥰

[@Hucksty]

So bloody powerfull! Proper feels from this. Ren just drags you in and you feel every word to your core. Nice react Abi. ❤

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

Thank you so much!

[@AbbeyNormal850]

When you know the back story to these two it can be rough to watch and you handled it like a Trooper, Suicide is one of my favorites. the level of talent and dedication that Ren put into these two is beyond words and the level of respect you have for Ren is one of the reasons you will always be my favorite reactor, Very well done AbiGirl,

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

Thanks for watching Abbey!

[@saltydroog854]

The most haunting part of any of this to me is the line, "What it felt like to look down and see tranquility." I think in our society we get caught up in the notion that this is a selfish act. Which, in my opinion is a selfish way to feel. Of course, no one wants to lose someone they care about. But imagine a life of chaos and pain, and imagine that same life seeing tranquility anywhere. I know it's a dumb solution. I'm not in any way suggesting otherwise. But I find myself empathizing with this notion. To be stuck in the mire, and be able to SEE your peace and tranquility...and being asked to go the other way from it. It's unfathomable in that perspective.

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

That's deep

[@Dreadbane]

I have watched this dozens and dozens of times, either on my own, or through reactors like yourself, and I still cry every single time. There's just so much heart, how can you not feel that empathy.

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

Its impossible not to! ^_^

[@DarrellW_UK]

I’ve deliberately avoided this song for quite a while, it’s something that upsets me. I have Fibromyalgia and it took years to get properly diagnosed, during this time I had to go for many tests, all came up negative. I started habitually consulting Dr Google and came up with horrific results. I was in a very dark place for quite a while, I was convinced that there was something that they (the hospital) weren’t telling me, it was a stressful nightmare. I got put on very strong painkillers, but they didn’t work for more than a few weeks, it went into a spiral and it got to the next step would have been Fentanyl; fortunately I wasn’t going there and knew what could happen if I did. With the help of my Doctor I came off them, got properly diagnosed and put on a more suitable medication. Anyway, it was Hi Ren which helped me a lot to come to terms with Fibromyalgia, so I do like his stuff a lot. I’m glad I did watch it now, it’s very profound and heartbreaking, how it panned out. Very thoughtful reaction, it’s not easy to accept what he’s gone through, it makes you realise that there’s always someone else who is in a worse situation than yourself.

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

That's true isn't it, quite eye opening. It's your sickness under control now?

[@DarrellW_UK]

@ under control and my head is now clearer but Fibromyalgia is what it is, it doesn’t go away. I try not to let it interfere with my life too much. Cold weather is poison to it so at the moment I’m a bit subdued, it causes a flare up. I survive and just get on with life the best I can.

[@leekinyoun9372]

I still to this day cry every time I hear this , I know exactly how Ren feels because I've lost friends the same way and miss them so much! And I just wanted to let you know, you have a beautiful cry face and I love watching your reactions on Ren because I feel the love for him just like he was my younger brother and he is so amazing 💯❤️😊

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

I'm sorry you have lost close friends!

[@SkaterWillsy]

This song broke me for a few days. I still cry every time i hear it but its healing in a beautiful way.

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

Beautifully painful!

[@darrenl3289]

Sending a big hug for a brave and beautiful reaction. Yeah these are classic examples of Ren pulling your heart from your chest and squeezing every last ounce of emotion from it, and we thank him for the honor. It's true how it feels like we know Joe through the music, because we recognize Ren's love for Joe and hopefully see a parallel to it in our own lives. The use of A.I to generate the video was brilliant. The way it keeps the viewer tense and uncomfortable from the uncanny valley effect. How the faces on people change over and over, hinting at how suicide could affect anyone and everyone. The shot that really knocks me out is the face shown as if the person is barely poking out of water. The tragic ambiguity, is this a person barely keeping their head above water? Is this a person about to sink below the surface, never to be seen again?

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

Oh cool, I didn't know AI was involved.

[@mrdarengilbert3907]

Thank you Abi ❤🙏

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

Thanks for watching ^_^

[@emilianoserranosouza1991]

I cry ...again!!😢 love this song, so beautiful and sad!!

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

It really is!

[@mattcavanagh5701]

I haven’t even hit play yet and this probably isn’t the right video for this comment, but AG💲 and Felicia had me rolling for the entirety of the uncle Ray pod. Now it’s time to cry.

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

So happy you enjoyed the podcast. Now we cry. Then we need something fun afterwards!

[@frabo1000]

Wonderful and loving reaction... I'm crying right along with you... ❤

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

🥹🥹🥹

[@Nonniewantsmore]

I have seen this so many times and still bawl like a baby every time. ❤

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

We can cry together ❤️ 😢

[@doccops]

Nice one, For Joe is just a stunning performance and so emotive...

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

It really is!

[@AnotherFacelessDigitalNoOne]

Thanks for doing these Abi. Appreciate it becauae these are tough, beautifully painful songs ❤❤❤

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

Beautifully painful is right! Thanks for watching ^_^

[@gordondonnelly5394]

I told you it would make you cry but it had to be done abi. If it makes you feel better I'm from Glasgow a mechanic and live in a rough neighborhood and everytime I hear this it makes tear up. But I've got huge respect for him leaving the bit he broke down in the song. That takes alot of courage to do that😢.

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

Absolutely, it couldn't have been easy but he did such an incredible job!

[@joshuamcclintock4273]

Abi, that was probably the sweetest reaction I've seen. I'm impressed you held it as long as you did. I never do. Maybe do an upbeat one next time to balance it all out. Lol

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

Great idea!!

[@Kindneccessity]

I’ve cried 100 times to these songs. Thanks for your touching reaction. Take care.

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

Thank you too! Appreciate you watching and commenting.

[@davidleonard3175]

Just from your previous reactions, I already felt upset knowing you were about to have your heart broken. You were so respectful to Ren and Joe, your reaction was perfect. That’s why we love you ❤

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

Thank you David, I can feel the love for sure!

[@philipangel8298]

The first part of SUICIDE is how REN felt when he wanted to commit suicide. He watched how Joe’s death affected everyone and said he wouldn’t do that to his friends and family. The second part are his feelings toward his best friend. It is absolutely a beautiful tribute.

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

Beautifully painful

[@jrp1226]

Beautiful reaction. I know how he feels. 😢 This song hits home. It’s a tough thing to go through.

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

I'm sure. Still, Ren did such an incredible job. So proud of him!

[@johnalexbarr]

Abi, I always love your reactions, the love you have for our Boi is endless. This one always hits hard, made harder seeing you upset. If you have the time, I strongly recommend you watch his chapters (1-8), they explain everything about his life. Each chapter is about 15-20 minutes long and most have a song at the end. Much love ❤️

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

Hehe i watched it right after this reaction! It was so emotional 😢

[@rdel714]

Perfect reaction I like how observant you are when you said that you had stared into his eyes I looked at yours and just such a real person

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

I appreciate your kind words! Thanks for watching ^_^

[@rdel714]

@Abigirl_Reacts for what it's worth when a song really hits home I watch reactions to see the same one that I had when I heard it and it's rare to find that I'm glad I subscribed to you a while back. ❤️ Much love and keep being yourself

[@seanbeck1451]

I love Rensday. Such a heartfelt reaction ♥️

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

Thanks Sean! ^_^

[@1tommymulligan]

Posted by Ren about Joe: I first met Joe when I was 8 years old, my friend Josh said I had to meet this guy, so we both walked over to his, it took about 10 minutes from my house. I was greeted by this kid covered head to toe in freckles, he grinned at us, climbed onto the back of his sofa and screamed “Swanton Bomb!” then front flipped off the top and landed right onto his back on a stone floor. He lay still for a moment, twitched a few times, then got up, grinned at us, brushed himself off, and did it again. This was Joe. He’d do anything to make people laugh. He ended up becoming one of my best friends. He was there when we stole our first cigarettes out of his mum’s pack, way too young. He was there when I had my first kiss, with a girl twice my size on the back of the 42 bus. He was there when I first got so drunk I threw up in the woods after drinking as much White Lightning Cider as we could. I was there when he did his first backflip on skates, and saw him do a 720 off of the pier cave, that moment became legendary. Joe was the funny one in our friend group, he’d make us laugh till it hurt. No one had a bad word to say about him. It was impossible not to like him. Usually we put celebrities, athletes and actors on pedestals, turn them into role models and admire them from a far. The person I admired was Joe. He knew every word to the songs I’d write, we’d get drunk at parties and they’d be singing along as loud as they could. It gave me a lot of confidence back then. On Christmas Eve 2010 I was sitting in a pub with Joe, he’d been feeling low after a couple of consecutive break ups. He tried to check himself into a mental health outpatient facility a few weeks earlier but they turned him away because he didn’t have an appointment. He turned to me and said that sometimes he wished he could just walk into the sea and keep walking. He said it in a kind of half joking throw away comment type of way, then took a sip of his drink, walked over to the juke box and put Dig by Incubus on. If I knew that was the last time I’d see Joe I’d have hugged him, told him how much I loved him, how much I looked up to him, how much we all loved him, and I wouldn’t have left that pub. I didn’t know that, so I finished my drink, said Happy Christmas and left. Two nights after Christmas I got woken up by a phone call at 3am, it was my friend Ella. She told me Joe was on the Menai Bridge, a large suspension bridge connecting the main land to the Isle of Anglesey where we lived. He’d been on the phone to her in tears saying goodbye. He told her to tell everyone he loved them. I pulled on my clothes as fast as I could and started running toward the bridge. It was up a hill. I lived about a ten minute walk away, I could run it in five. As I ran I started dialling then redialing his number. The line was busy, which was a good sign, it meant he was still on the phone to someone. As I got about halfway, the busy tone changed. It told me the line was out of service. I got a sinking feeling and picked up my speed. I arrived to the bridge minutes after I left my house. It was deafeningly quiet. I was the first person to arrive. I got there probably about 2 minutes too late. Joe’s body was never found. Initially we refused to believe he was gone. The coastguard came out that night, with boats, and helicopters. Me and my friends spent the next 10 days putting up missing posters everywhere we could, walking up and down beaches with flashlights, getting about 3 hours sleep a night. When you’re walking up and down a beach with a torch when its dark everything looks like a body. We still haven’t found Joe. As his birthday came around, I wrote a song, Freckled Angels, a song I dedicated to Joe which I sang in front of his friends and family. A charity football match was put on for him, raising money for the RNLI where I won two bottles of wine in a raffle, I drank them both as quickly as I could, naturally, turned to my friend and probably slurred something along the lines of “This is the last time I ever drink” That was 12 years ago, I haven’t touched a drop of alcohol since. My first ever album I named Freckled Angels in tribute of one of the best people I ever knew. Skip forward some years. I’d been sitting on this song I wrote a few years ago. It always felt a little incomplete. It was going to be my next release, but I was dreading it because of this feeling of incompletion. I decided, very last minute, to do something about it. I sat by my piano, and the rest of the song fell out of me. I hadn’t thought about Joe in a little while, and the song initially wasn’t going to be about him, but the words all fell out of me. I wrote and recorded a whole 2 minutes extra, recording each part as I wrote it. Tears spewing out of my eyes pretty much the whole time, and decided not to do my usual thing of perfecting each line, I just recorded every line as it came. That song is Ren’s latest single Suic*de. During the campaign for the single he raised money for the RNLI, and also donated 50% of the profit on all copies of the ‘Freckled Angels’ album directly to Joe’s family. We managed to raise an incredible £21,000 for the RNLI, an incredible team of volunteers, who risk their lives without pay to aid calls of distress from British shores. The night Joe went missing they were out on the choppy stretch of water between Anglesey and the Mainland, until 5am, looking for Joe, without pay, from the goodness of their hearts. They continued the search efforts for the entire following week until hope dwindled. They owed us nothing, and gave us everything. I decided to pay a visit to Joe’s mum and dad. I was asked to play them the new live session I recorded in Calgary. It was probably the most nervous I’ve been playing someone a video that I’d made. The topic isn’t an easy one, especially for parents who have lost an incredible son. I nervously hit play, and the gravity of what I was showing sunk in and I began to cry. In the end we sat in silence, silently sobbing. Joe’s mum turned to me and smiled and we hugged, and I felt much lighter. It made me really realise I guess what I’ve always known. Music is far more than music. It’s a channel of communication for the things that are impossible to say. It’s a bridge between the living and the dead. It’s a way to stay immortal. It’s a way to resurrect the dead. It’s a universal language. It cuts down barriers of the parts of you which are encapsulated in steel cast iron. It allows frozen rivers to thaw and become un-stagnant. I owe myself, my life, everything I am to music. Music is the closest thing to god I know. I am so grateful to be doing what I do and to tap into this mystic force. My life, my energy, myself, I eternally devote to it.

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

I read every word. So sad. 😔

[@dpkast]

Beautiful reaction. Ren evokes emotion like no other. Now check out Freckled Angels. The last bit of "for Joe" is from that song.

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

I may watch it on my own time because after this, I need something fun! ^_^

[@pompeymik]

Everybody cries😢😢 Love Ren. So powerful ❤

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

Indeed!

[@Coado00]

Well done Abi, part of why I enjoy your reactions is they are so honest.

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

🥹🥹🥹

[@robertvrhovec9696]

Thank you young lady for your reaction

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

Thanks for watching ^_^

[@Steve-c5j]

by pure chance I came across this hauntingly beautiful song by a female singer called 'Ren' - Ren - Save Me - give it a listen even if you don't do a reaction

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

Thanks for the suggestion! ^_^

[@aaronsebastian5156]

This was a great reaction. For Joe was a mashup of Su!c!de and Freckled Angels. I recommend two songs for you. First one falls in the same vein as this, called "Mackay", which is dedicated to another friend he lost after he lost Joe, but he was also starting to deal with his issues with Lyme disease at the time of his death. I HIGHLY recommend reading the description before watching. If you want something lighter and more fun, Ren did a song a couple of years ago called "What You Want" which is a bit of a Beastie Boys homage.

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

Yes, now it's time for a fun song!

[@mldkenny]

The tears never stop when this one is played, pleased you've done it though, thanks.

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

Thanks for watching ^_^

[@alaricschenck8051]

I remember watching an interview with Ren where he said when he first met Joe, Joe did a swanton bomb on the back of a couch onto the floor. So I think the references to a swanton bomb in many of Ren's lyrics are a callback in a way to Joe.

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

That's interesting, good to know!

[@stevebrown9955]

if it is a good friend the pain from that never goes away

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

I believe you 🥹

[@Deja_drew01]

If you like Ren playing Piano you should react to “MacKay” it’s a tribute to another friend of his (who he shouts out in these songs), Callum who also tragically lost his life about 6 months after Joe (if I remember correctly). It’s absolutely gorgeous

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

I'll check it out, ty!

[@jonjoreynoldsgranner7307]

I think you need a fun one next to break it up. Try sweet little lady it's fun and cheeky

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

I may do that!

[@DyvmSlorm]

S U I C I D E is such a powerful song. The first part was what Ren wrote and recorded and was about to release. He had an interview with Knox Hill and talked about Joe. After the interview he had an epiphany and wrote the poem at the end to Joe. For me, it makes the song, first, about Ren's struggles with that ideation but how he never found it the "right" time to end it. Joe's part, again to me, is Ren's explanation of how Joe's death changed Ren. Knowing how it made Ren feel, it has given Ren courage to stick with this life since he doesn't want anyone else to feel that way because of himself. With what Ren has gone through, I believe we have Joe to thank that Ren is still here, at least in part. Joe has given us the gift of Ren.

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

Very insightful ^_^

[@themart7767]

In the song suicide abigirl. There is a passage that Ren wrote explaining how that night transpired. I've read it twice and it's one of the most painful yet powerful things you can ever read. I implore you to read it just once. Just to know how this song came to fruition.

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

Someone actually posted it for me here recently. It broke my heart 💔

[@themart7767]

@Abigirl_Reacts it's very hard to read without oneself getting very emotional. May I suggest something else by Ren have you listened /reacted to his collaborations with Eden Nash? Ocean and humble. Two very good songs. And easy to listen too.

[@im2yz4u17]

I have never lost anyone close to me to suicide. However, like you, I feel that having no closure would be extremely difficult. Missing family members, murder victims with no body, whatever the situation.

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

We are very fortunate not to have lost anyone, I'm grateful every day for this!

[@tomaszbielak]

I enjoyed dropping a tear or two with you. BTW: If you enjoyed Ren's piano, see "Mackay", please. It is a tribute for his another best friend...

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

I will, ty!

[@ricardodehoyos7631]

I think everyone cries with this song ... unless you don't have feelings. Great reaction, Abi!

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

Thanks Ricardo!

[@RenNotRen]

Upbeat and very sad when listening to the lyrics for sure and then there is the tearjerker ending. ❤ For Joe, a complete cry salad 😞 Big #RENegade hug to all 🫂 Ren has a video with photo's of Joe, it's called - Ren - Freckled Angel, it's on another of his channels. kzbin.info/www/bejne/nYa6fGZpZsdripY

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

This was amazing, thank you for the link!

[@Steve-c5j]

if either of those videos don't make you full on blub you don't have any empathy. We love Ren because of the way he bares his emotions and allows us to apply it to our own lives to gain some release for our experiences. He is a genius musical therapist.

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

He truly is!

[@geactd7708]

Every time these songs make me cry ❤xx

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

🥹🥹🥹

[@truckinleprechaunscottcask9747]

Abi, there is no need to apologize for feeling the music. Suic!de is a subject that needs to be talked about. We lose too many people from not talking about it. I cry with both songs every time, because I've had those thoughts. I'm still here because of conversations with others brought me back from the edge. Great reaction to such a tough subject. Let out the emotions. It's better to let them out than it is to hold them in.

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

Happy you're still with us buddy!

[@IanJones-hu7rn]

Brilliant reaction I ball my eyes out and not ashamed to say so 65 years old man gets me every time

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

🥹🥹🥹

[@badwolf1587]

It doesn't get easier....it hits the same the 100th time. And knowing you really get to see his face in for Joe.

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

I believe you!

[@reinori8322]

Brave girl... I have tear stains to my ankles.... Good on you Abi.

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

Thanks for watching ^_^

[@BADGERen]

❤😢🌺😞 Rest in power Joe Hughes and Callum Mackay 🖤

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

I don't know much about what happened to Callum

[@johnpollard6719]

Ren made a song for him as well - Mackay - no lyrics, only piano, very moving...

[@BADGERen]

@@Abigirl_Reacts he died 6mth after Joe in a cliff diving accident along with someone else . Ren last seen him at Joes funeral , check out track John mentioned 🖤

[@BADGERen]

@@johnpollard6719 it is a weepy one for sure 😞

[@mariogansbeke]

That is Ren’s power, a catchy beat and thought-provoking/sad/concerning/you name it lyrics.

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

For sure, facts^

[@majbrat]

❤❤❤ This one is a heavy one. He wrote Freckled Angels not ling after Joe passed, the wrote this one which explores his own feelings about self deleting in the start, and the description of what happened with Joe at the end. For Joe, recorded in Calgary whole he was getting treatment merges all these fragments into one cohesive song. Ren has been effected devastatingly by Joes death, and still suffers. Seeing Joes family (especially Mom) and friends, and experiencing his own devastation at that loss made him decide he could never do that to his family; so when he was suffering for 8 years, at times fully bedridden for months in terrible pain, it kept him from self deleting. Joe saved Rens life. I think it should be required to watch The Big Push, "Bongo Bong" or Rens song "It's Alright" after to lift the spirit.

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

l recently did Bongo bong!

[@majbrat]

@Abigirl_Reacts Isaw ypur reaction. 😀 I meant watch it again on your own to feel a little happier after such a heavy couple songs. I cry everytime I watch someone react to these. Ren is still suffering his grief, but I think feeling the tribute is more complete, and he let out his raw emotion, he maybe gave himself a bit of closure. He also visited Joes Mom & Dad last year, bought her a caravan she was saving for, and raised money for the search and rescue that helped Joes friends look for his body for weeks. Hugs from an old Mom in Canada.

[@mikeb7379]

Annoyingly cute. Lol Oh boy you did a double tap? That was brave. Maybe other commenters will say, maybe not? Ren, Joe etc lived on a island, not that small, just off the North Coast of Wales. Angelsy. It's only connected to the mainland by ferry or the Menai bridge. A absolute feat of engineering. But the Menai straights are notorious for being some of the worst on the planet, depending on the tide? Whirl pools and even maelstrom happen there! Ren said that Joe's death was a cry for help that went wrong? Hope prevails? And they tried, with posters etc. But in reality Joe was gone. Ren was maybe a few minutes too long to arrive and have a conversation with Joe. I'm from the UK. I've holidayed there.

[@wickedsoul5723]

Isn't she just!! 😂

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

I've heard it's a beautiful landmark the menai bridge but I would still feel so sad inside looking at it

[@Doobbie420]

Ren used AI for the video in Su*cide the way he can put a catchy beat but talk about something taboo is priceless ❤❤

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

Great use of technology, it was so impactful!

[@greenhighlander7]

Hi Abi! A hard song.. and you had a great live with Uncle Ray! 🤗

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

Thank youuuuu, I had a blast.

[@keymaker-k7h]

ab- i didnt think this song would sound like this... Ren be like- dont worry ive got u...not long now...😥....(A.I video)...🎤⬇️✌️

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

I was really surprised how catchy it was.

[@ricksexton8888]

Thank you for doing this with class. :)

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

You're so welcome!

[@stephendawes7671]

I just want to give him a hug as well

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

🫂 🤗

[@walkdontrun1999]

Very heartfelt love your videos you are a beautiful person

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

Thank you so much! 🥰🥰🥰

[@dc4222180]

Amazing heartfelt reaction Abi

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

Thanks so much ^_^

[@markwhitehouse9333]

This to me is a perfect example of a Ren song, catchy beat but deep lyrics, so often we find this, I want to dance but the words are sad. Up to the end, this would have been in my everyday play list just like his other songs, but then he hits you with the final verse and it is a body blow. I think that this is as best you could show musically, the massive change that would happen when you find someone you love has killed themselves, a huge blow and shift in your perception of what you were just doing/feeling moments before. Then utter devastation, he overwhelms you with his obviously heartfelt emotions in the way he delivers the words (in both songs actually). I also was thinking, as the song progressed and you stopped it to talk about the visuals, how sad you were about to be and unlike the mild schadenfreude I normally get (apologies I am not a perfect human) on this occasion I was just sad because I did not want your excited and happy reaction to be ended suddenly like I knew it was going to be. I , as part of my job have had to inform people that loved ones have died and it was a milder version of that , not the same scale I know but similar never the less. Anyway rambled too much - best wishes and loved the reaction as ever

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

Thanks for taking the time to write your insightful comment and thank you for watching! ^_^

[@BriMakesComments]

No jokey comment this time. BriMakesComments simply offers huggles.

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

🫂 🤗

[@LisaD-1969]

Great reaction Abi-these songs are so tragic but in ‘For Joe’ Ren finds strength. Have you considered reacting to REN’s 8 chapters that lead up to his song Troubles or just watch them on your own? It’s the first time, he says, that he’s putting his whole health story out there for people to hear-to help others that also suffer in some way. It’s a pretty long watch but worth it!

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

It was definitely worth it. I watched it right after this reaction. It was so emotional 😢

[@blackpanther3912]

💜 Love your reacts AbiGirl.

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

Thanks for watching ^_^

[@karlborgfeldt]

I always shed a few tears when I play Suicide! Every time!

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

I believe it!

[@gable354]

Straight 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

🔥

Crying here right with you sis 👊

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

🥹🥹🥹

[@sistermoon1970]

Being a fan of reactions I was curious to see myself watching a Ren song for the first time. This just happened to be the next release 😢😢😢 Through the ugly tears my first instinct when it finished was the want to hug him. Have a look if you get a free moment x I felt that this was quite cathartic for Ren, and maybe a part of that letting go xx

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

You reacted to this as well? Drop a link!

[@sistermoon1970]

@ it’s not a full song reaction, but you see the effect 😃 kzbin.info/www/bejne/rIGUqY2NgNGIY68si=6ktwmjnRcOQkFPdn

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

Hehe we both said "I JUST WANT TO HUG HIM" haha twinsies!

[@gingergardner4374]

I have seen this At least 25 times over the past year And I cry every time Still. I hope I hope that Ren finds peace I feel like he feels He should have s been there But he cannot be responsible for Joe's decision. I wish joe had decided differently but I've had Friends in my life do the same. So sad.....

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

So you personally feel Ren's pain, I'm sorry ginger!

[@gingergardner4374]

@@Abigirl_Reacts I absolutely do feel his pain not all of his pain who could feel it because I know it runs deep thank you very much girl I can tell it gets your heart too

[@andrewrobinson-morris1852]

Hey Abigirl, the throat constriction is caused by the vagus nerve, it is connected directly to the part of your brain that processes emotion. That's what makes this a fabulous reaction. It's authentic, no BS, just like your strap line. Never mine Ren, I hope Mr Abi gave you a hug after those two.

[@Abigirl_Reacts]

I learn something new every day while reading comments. Thank you so much!

[@andrewrobinson-morris1852]

@@Abigirl_Reacts you're welcome