Accepting Men As Sensitive, Emotional Beings With Their Own Traumas

Host: Ursula Mariani │Instagram: shortest.link/4RiO
Co-host: Bonga Botha │ Facebook: shortest.link/55e6
Guest: Given Masilela │ Instagram: shortest.link/4RiU
Co-producer: Sibonganjalo Bonga Botha │ Facebook: shortest.link/55e6
Co-producer: Babaland
Editor and Technical Director: Given Masilela │ Instagram: shortest.link/4RiU
Assistant Technical Director: Silosamanzi Boiboi

[@ragibashonga9106]

Outside of romantic relationships, I think it would be beautiful to watch men make safe spaces for each other in friendship. Great conversation 👌

[@lesetjamokou6174]

I agree. Women do that. Men don't. Maybe because we are afraid to be vulnerable? We don't want to share?

[@Nene-hl4bn]

really enjoyed this conversation however i have to say I'm sort of annoyed that these conversations are usually had on women's platforms. This gospel is always preached to women. I'm yet to see men make space for each other to speak about these things as well as making community for themselves so women don't have to bare the sole burden of being men's cushion for their emotions. because even outside of romance women are always showing up for men in this way, sometimes they're the only ones, their "bros" are nowhere to be found.

[@life_with_yolanda]

And yazi you couldn't have said it better.

[@Tom_34321]

They are literally talking about a woman being a safe space for her man. So having this on a male platform would be preaching to the choir

[@bontlememela6362]

Nene, you cleared the chat right there. It's crazy how men don't allow themselves to open up, hlezi ama "bros" for life but never the real life stuff.

[@sandilemandlenkosi7925]

Ots because in our circles we show each other love, we kind to each other, we listen to each other,we support each other. We acknowledge each other. It's you guys that want to treat us as emotionless ATMs. We don't need to videorise our love and support for each other. It's you we seemingly need to convince that we are human, we have emotions. Our lives as men are just a long foot race, no matter what we can't stop for a breather, theres always someone to impress,to convince I deserve love 😢

[@redibonemohlamonyane6239]

@@sandilemandlenkosi7925 ❤‍🩹

[@mpumelelomatwa538]

This conversation made me realise how important connecting with yourself emotionally is....and also to be vulnerable is okay as a man.

[@nkhen_c357]

I agree with him.... As a wife/partner, you need to give your partner safe space... Your hands must be his safety and you wont judge him or ridicule or use his vulnerability against him.

[@NdumisoMazibuko]

What a healthy mature conversation. Thank you to the ladies for acknowledging us. Thank you to the brother for representing men well! 😊

[@MzansiwoodPodcast]

Exactly my brother, Given speaks for a lot of us men 👊 ✊️

[@mphomotaung448]

Shuuu what a fruitful conversation. I have a young brother who is totally sensitive ( one of his triggers is his body structure, he has a small body doesn’t have beards yet at 24 and because most of his cousins even younger and peers have somehow affects him) he’ll usually say I wish I was a bit of an average height and my face looked a bit older (he looks 16) so he feels that people don’t take him seriously, always peek on him because of his lifestyle choice ( since with all this he doesn’t smoke no drink which is a norm for his peers) he always feels like he doesn’t fit in, in this world. I try by all means to be supportive, to affirm him that there’s nothing wrong with who he is and he doesn’t have to change a thing about himself. I just don’t know how to best approach understanding his feelings or emotions in depth as a man. He has mentioned thoughts of being suicidal, which terrifies me. Any gentleman that can advise me on how I can be there for him, help build his self esteem. I’m about to be married and he feels like I’m never going to recognise him since I’ll be starting a new life, I’m just torn between my new life and giving him the support that he needs even if we are not going to see each other more often 😢

[@nkhen_c357]

I would recommend therapy for him. There are things which you cant do for someone but they must walk the journey themselves and get over their insecurities and pain.

[@LadyLebza]

I don't know how many mental health awareness periods (whether its world mental health day or men's mental health awareness month) come and go and I see mostly women championing those conversations. Wish I saw more men participating, maybe even setting up the conferences or the like.

[@tiisetsotsotetsi5470]

this actually took me 4 hours to get through, I kept pausing and leaving it because it touches me in my studio and need to calm down

[@Tom_34321]

Also social media has further conditioned a lot of people to be selfish and unfortunately extend even less grace to men. When you are fed a single narrative all day every day, it leads to such. Thank you for your episode

[@lesetjamokou6174]

Absolutely important conversation to have. There is a lot of history behind men hiding their emotions. We were taught that men should not cry, should not show their emotions especially the traumatic ones. We should have more of these conversations, with different men sharing. Thank you once more

[@nontobekomthabela1239]

Shuu, I am now thinking of my own brothers because one is sensitive but he doesn't know how to express it, so he bottles up, and when he blows up it's crazy. I also remember a time when my ex said I body shame him a lot by always calling him skinny and that's when I realized that men also feel a certain way about certain things shuuu

[@peacemathebula3597]

Problem in this world you need to be careful of who you open up too because what you said to that person can be used against you. Yooo this guy is smart I like how he deals with this topic

[@Mahleamantungwa0212]

I once suggested therapy to a suitor and aggression I was met with. This is an important conversation to have because when you say to most men, take away the men and the sex what do you have offer in this relationship? You are met by so much anger.

[@suphilemajodina]

I remember when I had this conversation with one of my guy friends and they told me that it is really difficult for men to show their emotions and also be vulnerable because of their backgrounds. It is very difficult for them because of how they have always been raised to shut off their emotions and also be less sensitive or not even show any emotion. If they do, than they will be classified as being less of a man. Well the same occurs when they get into intimate relationships. Some of them fear their partners raising their moment of weakness or when they do showed emotion during an argument or just any altercation that could arise.

[@Mel0UltraMel]

Unrelated but I love Ursula’s makeup 😍

[@Truecrimeafrica]

Your hair ma'am! Love love short hair.

[@ayandaxaba3539]

Thanks🙂 This was an eye opener

[@zinhlemaluleke1627]

Brilliant conversation. For this pivotal time in our generation I find it is quite necessary that we consistently emphasise that men and women, male and female are designed differently and that is perfectly fine, it is at the discretion of the Designer, and His intelligence. History has made it abundantly clear that it is the times/era in which he is born that will dictate how much a man will lean near towards his nature, I would rather he leans primarily first towards his Designer.

[@kutloanomaseko1570]

My fav ❤❤😻 thank you guys so much

[@katlehoselwadi]

Women need to “see men” and men need to see each other too. They need to be each other’s safe spaces too.

[@karabomatima3077]

Beautiful episode 😍😍

[@kanyasandlakoti]

thankyou

[@tinytomas3773]

I feel like we really disregard man's emotions a lot shame....but speaking for myself perhaps it's because we grew up in a society that encourages man not to get emotional....now when they do we don't know how to handle it😢😢

[@zandilemlindwa8719]

This was such a necessary conversation to have. Enjoyed it.

[@NtsejoaKoma]

I enjoyed this conversation so.much. where is part 2? 😉

[@williesibiya7015]

Cool topic, it is time we spoke and dealt with such topics, not abo 'I am the table'

[@Wish_To_Learn]

when you get a chance please talk about family relationships and expectations we have for one another.

[@KesaobakaIsaac]

insightful

[@nthabisengmaake4122]

What an insightful conversation guys. Shuu ai this was definitely a learning experience.

[@lesedi3040]

This look ATE!!

[@noluthandokubeka4058]

Ursula 😍

[@karabomamogale1286]

I seriously need to consider my ways

[@nomkhosingcongo5069]

I said something insensitive to a guy but I only realize it now, on father's day he had posted a picture of a guy holding a baby girl and I know how much he loves kids, I than said oh! you love kids you must have you own now and he did not reply 😥😥. I only realize now that maybe he has been trying to have kids with no luck there I am telling him to have kids hlampe ngamthunuka in a way. I just wish I can go back to him and apologize.

[@theconversationcapital]

You can definitely still go back and apologize ♥️

[@nomkhosingcongo5069]

@@theconversationcapital ❤

[@bonginkosimbewu3118]

The title of this episode really grab my attention, and I am wondering if you could do part featuring Nakane Toure, I would really like to know how did he deal with his trauma against his tribe after he realised his movie Inxeba on 2020

[@theconversationcapital]

We’ve reached out to him via Instagram DM, as this is not the first request we received to have him. If you know him personally please ask him to email us.

[@bonginkosimbewu3118]

I also don't know personally but I will try and ask Phelo Bala whom I know personally to ask him?

[@chantellemodisane]

My ideal first date is a session with a therapist/marriage counsellor 😌

[@The_Third_Place]

watching this a year later and im gratefull that Gift was here to articulate on mens behalf. the insurgence of the red pill gang is a clear sign of the fact that we need to take a step and rethink our relationships as genders, that is between friends, father and a daughter collegues. the resentment of women by men comes from a place where most men genuinely feel like they dont get the grace they deserve. looking at the dynamics between my own parents and the clear understanding of both of their traumas and how they grew up, i would never marry my mother, she is weaponises sensitivity and emotion, however the relationship on its own traumatised her and emotional weaponery is a trauma response. its a perpetual cycle but i still wish she was more graceful

[@The_Third_Place]

so i feel the conversation is more nuanced for older relationships. theres is baggaged trauma that feeds into insensitivity and it further trickles down to the children and the perpetuation is further extended

[@elmondsekgobela1464]

Brown Mona Lisa with the short hair, she's good looking i can't even pay attention.

[@Dimakatsomonaheng]

Amen

[@fikisiwemajozi9585]

I'm Soo schooled yoh

[@nkosinathimngadi4147]

08:59 that look on your face touched me

[@sifisomangane631]

Interesting....Men normally don't open up because they don't really think of their bros as their safe space or even partners. Sometimes it's how society is, you'll be seen as too sensitive or dramatic. People just don't acknowledge and see men in general, so men are expected to be strong and even not cry

[@daluvuyojames7821]

No body tries to understand the challenges facing a group of people so called oppressors in one way or the other. Such group get any voice if they come together.

[@chantellemodisane]

Mjolo ke complex ptsd maan. Haii yho😂🥲

[@MrEmassive]

This for me brings a question, why continue having children? because it seems we are going to continuously keep bringing in damaged people, we cant help it, why do children have to be made for us now? Unless ofcause you know your children will be coming in to be living the best lives ever.... Why do we still make children?

[@muzigeorgemazibuko997]

A girlfriend telling you some guy is proposing love to her and sending you a voice note yerrr

[@deepmeditationplaceofpeace2784]

If my man eats food another women dished up. We will be at war. If I haven’t fished for you wait. Starve if you must 🤣. Shame man I love hearing mens side

[@ontiretseinnocentmokgweets6812]

A big Thanks to Conversation Capital for this insightful session.