actual attraction vs. compulsory heterosexuality | Lesbian Masterdoc Series Ep. 6

YES, THE SERIES IS BACK!!! I'm so sorry for abandoning you guys! I discuss the contents of the lesbian masterdoc. This is episode 6, ‘attraction vs compulsory heterosexuality’, where we discuss the key differences between a lesbian's 'attraction' to men versus women.
Watch episode 5 here:
• relationships and inti...
Link to full series:
• lesbian masterdoc series
Alysse’s channel: / @alysseg8425
💀 Who am I? 💀
My name is Savonne Pearson, a 22-year-old who loves to tell stories and challenge perspectives. Whether it be through commentary or a series, in each video, I aim to teach you something new or tell a story. I’m passionate about normalizing mental health within the black community, challenging stereotypes within the LGBT community, and bringing awareness to those who often become forgotten.
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💀 Check out my other content! 💀
Toxic Mental Tuesday (TMT), where I discuss anything having to do with toxicity and or mental health:
• #ToxicMentalTuesdays
Toxic Mothers: Our Experience featuring my two oldest sisters:
• toxic moms: our experi...
The Lesbian Masterdoc Series, where I explore the lesbian masterdoc discussing compulsory heterosexuality (comp het), my experience with it and coming out as a late bloomer lesbian:
• lesbian masterdoc series
The Forgotten Bunch series where I discuss Black cases that haven't gotten as much media or police attention and or remain unsolved:
• the forgotten bunch
My interviews and discussion where I bring very different people on my channel to discuss LGBT and Black topics:
• interviews
My commentary where I talk about controversial topics, both alone and with guests:
• commentary + discussions
I'm a filmmaker and I've been creating videos since I was nine years old, here I react to my video archives:
• reacting to my video a...
💀F A Q S💀
age: 22
where am I?: the Midwest
when did you start uploading consistently?: May 17th, 2020
when did you come out?: I'm a late bloomer lesbian and I came out at 21 years old
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Sub count: 454 skullies
#lesbian #masterdocseries #comphet

[@SavonnePearson]

I am BACK!!! So sorry for abandoning this series, I genuinely missed doing it. Comment below what you would like to see in the lesbian infomercial!!

[@rambunglinggabblefrustler215]

I love the idea for an infomercial! I just imagine a girl lying on her bed going through an existential crisis about her feelings and attractions in grayscale and then corny music starts playing as the announcer yells "HAS THIS EVER HAPPENED TO Y O U ???" Would love to see a bit about how women aren't creepy or predatory for liking women. That was a big one I struggled with.

[@SavonnePearson]

Rambungling Gabblefrustler ooooh I LOVE that. Heard and noted.

[@annafulgham]

i kept telling myself: "i just need to date a guy and then i'll know" but i NEVER had that with girls. & when i realized that i was subconsciously telling myself that, i realized it was internalized homophobia telling me that & not my actual feelings :)

[@SabrinaDuale]

reading this is making me think. Thanks for posting this. This is a great point

[@lujorom9172]

Oh my god even while I was watching this video I kept thinking, I can’t know unless I try, I just have to keep dating guys to see if it makes sense, but shit you’re making me question things…

[@annafulgham]

@@lujorom9172 yup, theres no reason why you would HAVE to try anything with a man. & if you ever decide you want to, youre free to do so, but you NEVER have to !! good luck on ur journey :) ❤️

[@Mamobo96]

Damn, I’m the total opposite, I’m like ‘I need to date a girl and I’ll know’, but I have never had an emotional attraction to women, and idea of a relationship with a man gives me intense anxiety. I sexually attracted to both 🙃

[@cutecoric]

same.

[@vanialee6881]

I should’ve known my ass was gay when I had like 5 diff crushes at 8 yrs old and it would be like any boy who would breathe next to me 😭 then I started to really want to be “friends” w certain girls (bc I was “drawn to them”) and it hit me when I realized how different crushes on girls felt

[@SavonnePearson]

vania lee SAME, I was the “flytrap” when it came to boys and I could like them so easily but the obsession with my female friends were REAL

[@sadetucker2094]

I remember when I was in elementary school, I was drawn to this girl named Amanda. I believe she was Vietnamese. Anyway, I would sit in class admiring her long pretty brunette hair. I wanted to be friends so badly, but I was shy. One day, I saw her again once we were almost teens. She happened to live on the same block as me, but was getting ready to move. When I saw her that time, I was super excited. I thought I just was happy to see her, but looking back, it definitely was a crush. Even while in highschool, I had two boyfriends (not at the same time of course lol) but even in those relationships, I found myself staring at girls and wishing I could talk to them. I had a crush on this girl I knew from back in middle school as well. We were cool buddies, and whenever I would see she came to class, I would be so giddy.

[@nado859]

Omg I thought I was the only one like any male creature that dared step into my vision would become victim to my „attraction“ but any time a dude would try to flirt with me I would literally freeze up like I was paralyzed and uncomfortable but when it comes to female friends I would always be absolutely infatuated with them

[@busola9595]

feltttt

[@countessofalava6532]

Same, same, I had crushes on both but with women it was different and I had a type

[@alluneedislessthan3]

Oh god.... The attraction vs. nervousness thing hits hard. Men hit on me at work all the time (bc let's be real, I'm femme and more importantly cute as hell lol) and sometimes I'm like "well, maybe I do like *some* men sometimes bc I like this one guy alright". But now that you mention it, nervousness is definitely what it is. I like my male coworkers a lot as friends so it makes it more confusing but the second one of them tries to hit on me it's a definite NOPE and my heart rate goes through the roof. Men leave me alone challenge.

[@kittyykatie]

yeah this exactly I love the innocence that comes with being friends with women and damn those friendships are intense. I never felt such wholesomeness with a man, ever

[@omg9852]

Kinda solidifies that I crave male approval because I get really envious of women/femme presenting people who are hit on by men… I never am. I don’t even know if I like men, but I wanna be cute and seen as worthy of being hit on, too. I’m just reminded that I’m frumpy and need a glow up. I probably need a personality glow up, too, as we can see.

[@astoldbynickgerr]

@@omg9852 I can relate :,(

[@Vikifus]

I feel like the last "even if you *are* attracted to men" part is less about people who are genuinely male-attracted but don't want to act on it because of trauma and more about people who spend a lot of time ruminating and in distress because they can't tell the difference between comphet and genuine attraction. Instead of continuing to have a hard time about it and needing to figure it out with 100% certainty before you label yourself, if dating women is the only thing that feels right, then it's okay to just go with that for the time being. Just my two cents.

[@valentineyves]

yeah i think thats what the doc meant

[@akinyiomer4589]

Thank you, I really needed to hear this ... I've been agonising about my attraction to men and feel as if I'm being dishonest if I land on "yes", "no", "maybe sometimes ...?" either way so this was just such a shot of level-headed pragmatism and validation for me to hear ... like you don't even know.

[@Vikifus]

@@akinyiomer4589 I'm really glad to hear that. It's a lesson I learned from having to deal with OCD. Ruminating because you need to know 100% for sure, hyper-focusing on what you feel and testing yourself to see if it gets you to the truth... it's all counter-productive because of the way our brains are wired. Learning to live with some uncertainty is the only way escape that loop. So don't ever feel guilty about your good-faith self ID :)

[@akinyiomer4589]

@@Vikifus😭 Ahhhh do you come in a travel-sized version? Can I just carry you around all day and take you out whenever I need to hear sense? No but seriously thank you. It's bittersweet that your wisdom and clarity seems to be hard-won through such potentially tough/fraught experience, but let me assure you of its immense value to an emotional stranger on the internet. Here's to a slightly-less bananas 2021, friend.

[@inapandemic5310]

Thank uuu this is literally me

[@ZavieM]

I'm a cis dude but I just wanted to leave a comment expressing support, admiration, and appreciation for what you're doing on this channel. 🙌🏾

[@SavonnePearson]

Zavie M wow thank you!! That means so much!!

[@cassv5619]

This is awesome x

[@2riel]

♥️♥️

[@nico-ke1nn]

yknow how some trans people don’t really know they’re trans until they experience gender euphoria? Like a trans man might not necessarily feel uncomfortable as a woman until they get called “sir”? I think that’s what happens with my lesbianism. Like I wouldn’t date a guy or be intimate with one, but I don’t feel disgusted when I think of them hypothetically? Its mediocre and boring and I feel apathetic when I think about men, but when I think abt women it’s like “oh shit this is an upgrade”

[@larayanez2375]

YES THATS IT

[@RenaissanceRockerBoy]

@@larayanez2375 Lmao the way I thought I was pan for years because I liked fictional characters but a boy tried to kiss me and I froze up and felt like I was going to have a panic attack.... the best thing about the doc was that it pretty much told me “you don’t have to like men” and I was like “holy shit”

[@larayanez2375]

@@RenaissanceRockerBoy hdfkhdfkh feel ya hon, i was pan for years too and i actually wasnt sure till this year (yes 2021), 90% of the cause were 2D boys

[@carla-228]

YESSSS EXACTLY

[@kittyykatie]

the way I was like im only straight for anime men and then realized I was just a huge lesbian lmao

[@seacrystal6189]

Comphet fantasies can be genuinely disturbing and I think I've been low key traumatized by them, but I don't know, maybe that's just me.

[@basmalasaad5228]

YESS, from the age of 13 It's been an embarrassing secret of mine that I genuinely thought made me a deviant so this, along with the other things in the doc, make me feel sooo heard!

[@seacrystal6189]

@@basmalasaad5228 I'm sorry you had to go through that too :( It made me fear sex and I feel like my sexuality has been completely ruined

[@basmalasaad5228]

@@seacrystal6189 yeah, and especially coming from a conservative background where there's such emphasis on "purity" and you just feel like a complete weirdo who could never share those thoughts with anyone (like I'd literally think of how I could possibly explain this without looking gross)

[@basmalasaad5228]

@@seacrystal6189 it was really confusing cause part of me felt like I was internally deviant cause of the forced sexual thoughts that were more things that would appear in my head as a sort of self harm than something I felt and on the other hand, I felt like a pride cause everyone else( even religious straight girls) experienced an interest in sex one day.....I feel like it's coming together and I'm realising that I'm not really a prude- I'm just one towards men

[@basmalasaad5228]

Thanks for expressing this- before reading the masterdoc and your comment I thought I was the only person who felt as though they had sexual thoughts external to themselves

[@euphoriaxtra]

I think fantasizing about men has become a form of self harm for me. You know how you think about doing stuff with any man you see when you're questioning to test yourself in a way. I started doping it to the point where I would be brushing my teeth and something would pop up in my mind and I would literally gag. It's so horrible

[@elifozyapc4892]

Intrusive thoughts are the worst and idk how mines started but I can imagine being sexual with anything and anyone and i hate myself for it bc i feel perverted but at the same time i know they are not my thoughts, they are a result of internalized trauma, and it's really hard not knowing what trauma is it. If your experience is similar to mine, try to acknowledge the thoughts instead of shutting them down. It's disgusting but it helps to decrease their impact. Acknowledge that you are thinking about this and reassure yourself that it's how your subconscious process' what you have seen in your surroundings. They are not yours if you are disgusted by them.

[@angelofnerdz676]

@@elifozyapc4892 Thank you sm, this really helped me. I'm a lesbian and I see myself being intimate with them but these intrusive thoughts with men comes up and makes me question myself. It's uncomfortable and disgusting to me. 😩

[@CertifiedFruitCake]

I've always watched straight porn, I always told myself there was no point to try lesbian porn because "I knew I wouldn't be into it".I've recently realized I like it because of what he's doing to the woman and I imagine me doing those things. And most of my "fantasies" with men are super abusive but I think that stems from my sexual abuse and never learning appropriate sexual attraction.

[@giuliaisabelle3450]

Same! Also I feel a bit sick a when I watch (most) lesbian porn bc it's catered to the male gaze and it's just uncomfortable to watch.

[@corinna3272]

hey, do you have instagram? I really relate to what your saying, with the SA part & I would like to talk to someone about it. only if you’re comfortable with that ;)

[@squigglesxp6486]

When I imagined being in a relationship with a man I could never image myself only another women, but when I imagine being with a women I see myself. For the first time ever I saw myself in a romantic relationship and being happy.

[@siljapeters2836]

You put it into words

[@0neyetmany-0]

okay i think this comment just made me realize something about myself, i'm 3 years late but thank you so much...

[@katiethe2nd92]

The “I’m lesbian...” part where you whispered💀 I felt that.

[@4eb590]

😂😂😂

[@abosaurus]

For me, the concept of "you don't have to date men if you dont want to" was really eye opening as someone who has always known they were bi and was constantly confused about if I might actually just be a lesbian or not. Like... it was something that never occurred to me for some reason? The thought was kinda life changing lol

[@liz257]

Love how at the beginning of the series it was "if you think you might be a lesbian" etc and now its "you're gay" haha

[@somethingbambi875]

If you feel: "Thank you!" ... is that a sign? 😅

[@RenaissanceRockerBoy]

@@somethingbambi875 Probably!! When I read it I felt a huge sense of relief and cried, so lmao

[@heyitsbrya2749]

When she brought up this sexual fantasy part about feeling like you are the man my jaw literally Hit the floor I've been walking around with a broken jaw

[@dabetswe]

Scissoring isn't a myth, but it's not for every lesbian. It works for me and my girlfriend. But I think it really depends on how the two partners are physically made, and how their bodies fit together. Also, it's not like what the porn showed it to be like, most of the time.

[@urgrandma8564]

True! And not all women have vaginas too!

[@x.kenna.benna.x]

I personally love it but I don't think I could get off from it. So I could see why not everyone would like it. Just like everything else 😄

[@LondonBridge99]

Whenever you started talking about p0rn (I hope this isn’t tmi), it made me realize that everytime I watched it, I would be watching the women. I also remember watching POVs a lot. Basically seeing the woman having sex but not seeing the man, and you could pretend that you were the guy 🥴

[@nebulasofia]

Wow I see... in my case as a straight women that POVs didn't excited me and I found them kinda annoying because that didn't turn me on, however man POVs and specifically with audios I enjoyed them. This proofs nobody can force their sexuality.

[@purplefinch29]

Same. The man annoys me in it tbh

[@ENFPSIS]

WAIT, yall had this too?? Because the whole time I was way more drawn to the women in p0rn videos 😭 I never actually cared about the man, they never excited me. Women did though. Wow, the more you know

[@laurenhills239]

I’m 22 and I’ve never had a boyfriend because as soon as they would show interest in me I would get nauseous. I kept telling myself that I was immature and needed to get over that feeling of disgust. I had “crushes” on unattainable men, but as soon as they were attainable the crush would instantly go away. I was so unaware of this until I heard about the doc and watched my first lesbian romance movie. Then it all clicked and now I know there isn’t anything wrong with me 😅

[@lirycznosc]

omg i hope you're doing great right now!!

[@spacequeenasmr6573]

I can't believe how few followers you have, it's a crime. all your videos are so interesting and informative. 19 year old me definitely believed that feeling nervous around a dude meant i was attracted to him. wish I knew this stuff back then.

[@SavonnePearson]

IT IS A CRIME, I’ve been waiting for my moment girl 😭😭😭 And yes I agree this is definitely something that would have saved me a lot of stress and trauma had I’d know before.

[@zuzaadler3943]

Ugh, the biggest question for me is "do I feel uncomfortable and anxious around men bc im a lesbian or bc im scared of intimacy with males? Is it my sexuality or my trauma?" If anyone has similar experience please, help me out with your story ❤️

[@2riel]

I totally understand. I feel like most men don’t fully understand the way women work under a capitalistic patriarchy. I feel like a man wouldn’t fully understand me. All I’ve ever wanted was to be seen and understood. I feel like I can I reach that level of intimacy with another woman. (Edit:typos)

[@bonesandpinecones]

omg these are the hard questions i have to ask myself all the time.

[@bonesandpinecones]

omg these are the hard questions i have to ask myself all the time.

[@bonesandpinecones]

omg these are the hard questions i have to ask myself all the time.

[@bonesandpinecones]

omg these are the hard questions i have to ask myself all the time.

[@saharaa_5708]

as an asexual i totally relate to this, i kinda forced myself to find people attractive...

[@yeahgirl-iy2dj]

Same ..

[@ourworldmylense]

I've identified as bisexual since I was 13, and now I'm 18 and I think I'm actually Lesbian. Finding and reading the lesbian masterdoc was like being thrown a lifesaver!! most of my family and friends are homophobic, so I don't really have anyone to ask for advice. Thank you so much for doing this series! seeing a lesbian read it and expand on their own experience with it has been so helpful.

[@sapphic7779]

SAMEEEEEE

[@fjmh3933]

i first thought i was bisexual in year 5 (age 10, i realised i thought my old friend who i didn't know anymore was really "nice". now i'm 14 and i think i'm lesbian. i've met this girl, and she is beautiful, and loving her feels so different and right and comfortable compared to the thousands of crushes ive had on guys over time. i'm so glad for these videos, really, they've helped me realise that i love women and now i can say to my friends that i'm a lesbian. i still feels euphoric to say. i am a lesbian. :)

[@sapphic7779]

@@fjmh3933 YESSSS it really does feel euphoric I used to not like the word lesbian ( internalized homophobia) and the bad stigma around that word last year when i was 16 but i just came to terms towards the ending of April i am a lesbian and i now love that word it is like my second name

[@ourworldmylense]

@@fjmh3933 proud of you !!

[@seasaltisland]

I shut down men so fast when they give me that kind of attention. It was instinctual right off the bat as a teen. I'm definitely gay haha

[@ayaaly2866]

Same I used to roll my eyes when it happened like dude don't even try

[@rambunglinggabblefrustler215]

Thanks for this continuation! One part that stuck out to me was that the public view of gay ppl is really sexualized. It actually happens in the lesbian communities I see on social media too... lotta sex talk and sex jokes and memes and it makes me really confused and think that sex is the main point of a relationship when I know that isn't true. I'm not experienced with relationships at all, so I guess that's just something you have to learn along w someone else.

[@SavonnePearson]

Rambungling Gabblefrustler yeah definitely! Especially lesbians which is so unsettling. It’s always something about male pleasure, etc and then it does then promote the narrative that it is all about sex when you’re right, it’s not. Yeah it’s definitely something you’ll learn in relationships and you’ll find the healthy balance with your partner.

[@evangelianickolas6850]

sammmeee I feel that

[@blaceeeee]

thank you this really helped me so much and cleared up why sometimes i feel attracted to men but i feel disgusted and sad and like i wanna erase thatcause i feel violated

[@SavonnePearson]

Mia A. You’re welcome! I’m glad I could help. I definitely felt similar and now that I’m out, I truly don’t really count those experiences when I think about sex because it wasn’t mutually beneficial.

[@blaceeeee]

@@SavonnePearson ohh thank u:))

[@WndrBrD]

People used to ask me who I fantasized about and my response was always, “no one in particular.” I couldn’t ever put a face to the guy and would always focus more on the scenario than how they would look.

[@melissam4442]

That explains why I had a crush on Christopher Robbin from Winnie the pooh cartoon. He had feminine features, also I would find men with feminine features attractive. Thank you!!

[@imawakemymindisalive13]

real, the only boy i was actually attracted to looked like a masc lesbian, and dressed gayer than one 😂

[@alsoallemims]

You're the only Black woman I see making videos on this. Thank you!!!

[@kylamckoy2908]

Right! I scrolled past all the white girls

[@gh0stfox]

ok. i have never felt MORE VALIDATED by a video in my entire life. thank u

[@user-kq6ki5bn2k]

Wow, this really hits home😥 I just get really uncomfortable around men, even when they just look at me when I walk down the street. I hate it😶 I am rather attractive but I wish only women noticed me

[@eev14]

I'm still so confused, I've been identifying as bisexual for 7 years now but I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years a couple months ago. I didn't have much of a clear reason besides me becoming really anxious about our relationship getting super serious, I had been fearing being with a man for the rest of my life and not being able to be with a woman again. I still don't really know what that means but the thing that really makes me think about your video is you mentioning that you just were not attracted to men's bodies! I've always felt like that, I also have always kind of felt like I sexually 'use' men and don't even really want to look at them during sex. I remember with my first (and to this day only) girlfriend I felt in control and completely excited by her body. I'm not sure if I'm not attracted to men at all but me not wanting to be romantic with men and not finding their body sexually attractive seems kinda suspicious.

[@SavonnePearson]

Eva Verheij yeah I definitely hear you! I think that’s where the spectrum comes in. I can’t specifically remember the terms right now, but it is completely possible to be attracted to men emotionally but not physically and vice versa. That might be something for you to think about or explore. You could also have a heavy preference for women as well!

[@MaryJJones-ge7iz]

Savonne Pearson biromantic lesbians 🖤 I really love my,ex fiancé I just broke up with and I hope that he will heal soon as well as myself, after all we shared a lot of life and love together and we were there for each other in horrible times. I feel horrible for hurting him, but I couldn't go into a permanent relationship with him I have been crying to him for months about thinking I'm gay and finally took that step.

[@username-zh1gr]

I can relate to this and now I came out again as lesbian!

[@kittyykatie]

when my boyfriend now ex came out as trans I was more attracted to him as a woman which was like my first indicator that damn maybe I am just a lesbian lmao

[@imawakemymindisalive13]

i feel you! there was nothing wrong with my ex, he was so sweet. i’m starting to think i’m not bi

[@KhadijaMbowe]

So I'm 18 seconds in and I've subscribed.

[@cyanobacteria2.0]

Lol as a person who identifies aroace aka aromantic asexual I can relate to the idea of compulsory attraction. Before I realized I was aroace I thought I was lesbian because I knew I wasn't attracted to guys in any way and I really admire and appreciate women. But I only really seem to love women in a mental, emotional, platonic and spiritual way rather than sexually or romantically. I don't know; I can still totally love women and it doesn't have to be sexual or romantic. Great video! This topic is really important, I'm so glad you talked about this. 🏹💚🤍🖤💜♠️⚢

[@basmalasaad5228]

I'm curious- if you don't mind, how are you physically, spiritually attracted to women without being romantically attracted to them

[@dean1111]

same I’m a questioning aromantic and watching this video because there’s not much info out there in general compulsory attraction

[@dean1111]

@@basmalasaad5228 well idk how it is for the original commentor, but for me romance is just a way, a tool of expressing love that I don’t have. So basically I can care about a person really deeply, form an emotional bond with them, maybe also a sexual attraction, and just generally love them deeply, whilst never desiring „romantic“ things like holding hands, romantic kissing, calling ourselves a couple, pda etc

[@WomenRQueensNMyFaceIsTheThrome]

This spoke to me, like I've come out 3 times bi, lesbian then pan but then after dating girls I got into a relationship with a male, in the end I realized I was missing something and I was settling for a dude, two weeks ago we broke up cause now I know I could only be with women, like I feel that "100%" thing and it's so negative right but tht fact I had so much attracted from thoughts with a woman rather than actually being with a man, I realized that feeling with a guy paying me attention was me being uncomfortable and with my female friends I acted as if we were gfs so yea I really appreciate the way you talked about this, it kinda was like yep makes sense

[@WomenRQueensNMyFaceIsTheThrome]

I realized it was I just liked the attention from a dude but not actually want anything with one. But with a girl I crave that romantic relationship

[@user-kq6ki5bn2k]

I just learned what compulsory heterosexuality is and I can relate to every damn word. Thank you so much.

[@icyeyesx]

when you said that your ex bf was "traditional" it reminded me soo much of the only bf i had, last year. idk why i thought i could just put up with being with him forever and finally when we broke up i realized that i was tired of just settling with a man to make everyone else happy

[@gabicaramati7959]

I've just read Rich's text (Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence) for a class, and came here first thing. I wanna thank you for this video, and this whole series actually. Talking about your own experience, you make it easier to understand the concepts that Rich presents to us (and that are applied on the text you read), related specially to the compulsory heterosexuality. But more than that, as a Sapphic (I'm bisexual) it feels good and safe to think about my experiences when you explain how all the aspects that Rich presents (in a pretty academic way) interfered in your life. I finally was able to visualize and understand many of the things that not only she explained on the text, but also that I questioned on myself. So, even though I'm not exactly the target public for this... thank you a lot.

[@blondefisk]

.... I just cried on the gym floor... I can't describe the grief, relief, lightness, hope, and sadness that is all happening right now

[@niky5052]

Im so confused, each time i see a pretty girl i can't help but scare and im intrigued by them. However, each time i think about liking women, or mention it to my friends, they tell me that I'm just jealous and that girls are normally super flirty with each other. But i know what jealous is. And i find myself looking at women more than men. And to think of it i never mentioned liking men until i was forced to in middle school

[@anonymousforcommentslol6075]

i’m two years late but ur friends sound very stuck in their own ways to me or like they can’t see another perspective, which is understandable because of heteronormativity but to me you don’t rly sound straight 😅

[@nightskystars0762]

I related to a lot of things in the masterdoc but i don't relate to this part. I have actual sexual and romantic attraction to men. So i guess i'm bi and 85% gay and 15% straight

[@maluvasconcelos9658]

this masterdoc series is so nice!!! :) I already read the doc file, but listening to you talk about the things that are written there and combining with your own experiences, feelings and memories is so much better, it makes everything feel more human and a lot clearer. tysm for your amazing videos.

[@SavonnePearson]

Nalu Vasconcelos you’re so sweet, thank YOU 💗

[@takke9830]

One of the biggest comphet issues I felt always was that unlike gay men, queerness in women is almost framed as impossible. And the goalpost is high. Basically either you bang her, or you‘re just friends. That kind of bs. I mean we are told from birth that no matter how close we get to our female friends. And no matter how much we feel for them, it‘s never that romantic thing. And always framed as friendship. We could make out all day every day and still be seen as friends by many. When you grow up in a world that tells you for you as a woman, it is impossible to love a woman like a man would, you just internalize it eventually. And it can feel so aweful when you love someone but you have this pit in you that it‘s never good enough to be a valid sort of romantic relationship. It just feels aweful. And also deeply invalidating. I‘m personally bi, but even we have this pressure of „you either date only women from now or you‘re actually straight all along“. Bi men don‘t get that as much in fact usually ppl see em as „tainted“ cause they like men that way. Wich ofc isn‘t great either but at least they are accepted as queer. If you‘re a bi woman and you date 1 man, ppl will brush it off as you actually being straight or just gay for attention. It is utterly horrible how much heteronormativity can turn something as pure as romantic relationships into this rigid thing where ppl want to control you so desperately. But i think its also patriarchy. Framing lesbian relationships as fundamentally platonic socially just implies that women on their own among or with other women aren‘t complete. It implies women need men to be complete and also mature. And that is ofc mysogynistic as well. At the end of the day tho the best one can do is admitting to their own attraction to combat this denial. Tell yourself while you look at women you find attractive that that is what you feel. You gotta affirm yourself. And hopefully that some day may help u feel that toxic pit of patriarchy shrink.

[@yasmeenfahmy9300]

Would love to see the discussion on virginity!! 🖤

[@SavonnePearson]

Yasmeen Fahmy dope!! I’ll definitely be releasing soon 😊

[@haloo_haybay]

I think I’ve also confused friendship with men with attraction. That would include some intimidation.

[@jewel0128]

Girl your videos really helped me realized that I’m not bi but lesbian . You guys are great and I love your videos

[@bronminett4042]

I imagine them with other women 🤯 This has changed my life for ever. Thank you 💞

[@venuslove-i1v]

I think this is where my se xuality gets confusing. When I'm with women AND men I feel like I'm missing out on something. I think the issue I have with the masterdoc is that it doesn't speak on bise xuality. I am bi myself and so the masterdoc, while painting itself as helping "questioning" women, actually misses the big picture.

[@ari7836]

have you looked into non-monogamy maybe? i’m a monogamous person but the sentence of feeling like you’re missing out on one gender when you’re dating the other has been similarly said by people within the non-monogamous/polyamorous community, not trying to label you just a suggestion to research about :) but i definitely agree with the part about the master doc, even though i am a lesbian, i still found some of the points were either contradicting themselves, vague, or not exclusive to lesbians and left out the fact bi people can relate to some of these points a still be bi

[@lynild]

“... be attracted to men no matter what, in order to claim labels” The ‘no matter what’ is in reference to the ‘attraction to men’, not sure if English grammar wants a comma there but it would there in my language clearing up the meaning some.

[@SavonnePearson]

Ahhhhhh thank YOU

[@oh5793]

I'm crying rn i keep changing labels i guess i can't accept myself for who i am i don't know anymore

[@Pupiateuch]

Hi, just wanted to say what a godsend this series is, and to drop a little "thank you" for what you do

[@lolipop.central]

This is exactly how I’ve been feeling. Thank you for explaining this.

[@lu6794]

This just explained my whole life

[@SamanthaSegan]

I, too, first came out as bi and then *whisper* lesbian! TBH I don't think scissoring is a thing... but I could be wrong. Oh, and I used to imagine myself as the man... when I was hooking up WITH MEN. Like, I'd pretend I was them. That was weird. I talked about it to a few of them and they were like ??????

[@SavonnePearson]

Girl honestly, I think you’re right. It really IS a myth, we were bamboozled by the heteros

[@SamanthaSegan]

@@SavonnePearson South Park lmao

[@SavonnePearson]

And I’m just now seeing the second half of your comment, REALLY?? That’s hilarious

[@SamanthaSegan]

@@SavonnePearson yeah, I would imagine I was the man in a lot of scenarios, including online forum-based roleplay games. (I identified as a nerd before I identified as a lesbian). I didn't have gender dysphoria, just a yearning for the male role.

[@SavonnePearson]

Sam Segan now that I can definitely relate too. That’s one thing I appreciate in my relationship is the “role switching”. Like we both get a chance to be whichever and it’s a wonderful balance.

[@Lavea93]

I only recently heard about comphet. I was always wondering why the hell my perception of male attractiveness was suddenly lost when I got to know them better. Unluckily, I was also struggling with HOCD, afraid that I was gay, yup, I am shocked but also kind of "makes sense".

[@chantlmcclary6419]

This is a really good series you've got going here watched two videos and am feeling enlightened as fuck tbh. I think it would be dope to see a video about the top and bottom roles like the different types and how these two roles are perceived in the community.

[@FollowerofDuck]

im honestly scared to question my sexuality bc right now i identify as bi but am questioning my attraction to men ughh why did this have to be so hardd

[@tracylessonet8774]

I thought my male friend was about to ask me out and i almost had a panic attack. I’m still confused and exploring

[@RenaissanceRockerBoy]

When I read the doc, one of the things I remember most is thinking I was pan because I liked male celebrities and pretty anime boys, but not men irl; and one time a guy tried to kiss me and it felt like someone was pressing the emergency button in my brain and my whole body was just screaming “this is wrong!!!!!” without me knowing why. It made a lot of sense. Honestly being told “you don’t have to like men” changed my life.

[@kittyykatie]

@@RenaissanceRockerBoy bruh this is me honestly, anime men and celebrity twinks lmao

[@deadandalive1497]

I’ve been struggling with this myself for a very long time and I said I was bi for a very long time. Thank you very much for this!!!

[@ira__s]

For me the last point came across as if you are bi and choose to only date with women. That's how it makes sense for me. I'm bi myself and for a year or more I have only wanted to be with or date another woman. I'm still also very much attracted men, but I just want to date another woman. I could read into it wrong since I'm projecting.

[@Suited_Nat]

As a bisexual person- it’s pretty ironic how I’ve felt when dealing with people: like I’ve heard the excuse of well you won’t know if you don’t try: (family members when I talk about being attracted to women) like I’ve had like short times I’ve dated guys, and sure I’m attracted to men to a degree, but I’ve only really liked the idea of marriage when it comes to a woman, or I get more nervous around women compared to guys. (Sometimes it’s different/I’ll be nervous around both genders) but I always feel the subconscious need to talk about my queerness or else I won’t be seen as a valid part of the lgbtq community (which is irrational ik) but then I’ll have hetro ppl comment on my attraction to women despite never dating them- like bruh- I still know that I’m attracted to women- like I legit used to so deeply internalize my feelings, so when I understood myself and started learning how to not hate myself over my attraction towards women, I started to feel better. So yea- it’s not fun, being told I’m too straight by certain queer folks, but to gay by hetro ppl- Don’t get me started on the need to act like I like men more than women when I start talking to new people. Like I was talking to women who were talking about guys they wanted to date and marry, and I felt so awkward because I wanted to mention how I’d rather marry a woman- but because of how society is, they’d prob look at me weird lol. Like tbh, I don’t fully understand why the thought of marrying a man (specifically like cishet) makes me so uncomfortable, but that’s partly why I’ve heard my other friend: (who btw is bi too) Say I am a lesbian because I talk about women sm- and like it made me uncomfortable because I’ve had my older sibling use lesbian as a taunt/something that is gross (which isn’t true ofc) but it makes me uncomfortable to be labeled as that, especially when I do have some attraction towards men. Tbh I refer to myself as queer or gay more often than not because some ppl don’t rlly understand bisexuality. Other than that, I define my bisexuality by liking two or more genders: because I’m not just attracted to cis queer ppl. (I’ve been attracted to ppl of other genders too) Oh- a rlly fucking annoying thing of the portrayal of bi women in media is that she’ll have a sexual relationship w a queer woman, but then will have a “real” relationship w a cishet man- like bruh that’s not even close to how bi women feel/are in relationships. The why bisexuality has been used to sexualize bi women is disgusting imo. But anyways- thanks for Coming to my Ted talk lmao-

[@thebrightestrainbowever3841]

I wish I had this KZbin video when I first came out. This would have helped newly late bloomer out me SO much! I am also a late bloomer like you!

[@melinaloyer]

"I don't have to be nervous" omg?? thank you for saying that it's going to help a lot

[@Cal-c-u-later]

"comfortable with the uncomfortableness" that's so relatable it hurts.

[@elliebee6183]

Omg, the comp het fantasies....... YES!!!

[@lowlife0074]

woot woot. happy these are back!!!!

[@SavonnePearson]

Lowlife 007 yassssss same!

[@countessofalava6532]

I feel so validated watching this wonderful video and reading the comments, I was invalidated by 2 lesbians because of my electra complex and because I was having a sexual relationship, I was told I was pansexual which isn't even close to what I am and the whole invalidation was really violent, I got really traumatized, I still feel like I'm not lesbian enough or that I'm taking a sexual orientation that doesn't applies to me, I'm still finding myself but being told by 2 strangers who they thought I was was really traumatic, thanks for doing this video 😭😭💖

[@honeysplashh6427]

I'm like 15 seconds in and I have to say I love your voice!!

[@svnl4488]

Ahhh I need some advice y'all. So I'm 100% attracted to guys sexually and romantically. But I have severe daddy and mommy issues and have a deep rooted hatred for men which I'm working on healing and stuff. Either way it makes me a little afraid and intimidated by men. Like I would never let a man dominate me or be very vulnerable with them. However, women on the other hand I feel very very comfortable with. Like I'm not afraid to talk them about things or get close to them platonically and maybe even romantically. I actually pull a lot more girls than guys which I'm still not sure why. The problem lies with the fact that I'm not really sexually attracted to them. Like I can appreciate a woman's body and find it attractive but not BE attracted to it if that makes sense? I cant really tell the difference between finding the girl attractive or wanting to be as attractive as she is. Also I cant tell when a girl touches me if I want that or I'm just touch starved that day? Ironically the first time I watched people kissing when was like 10 were lesbians. I would legit search up videos of girls kissing instead of guys but is that just because I'm more afraid of men than women? I feel so comfortable with girls like I can really be myself without being constantly anxious being around men. But does that mean I just have issues with guys and that I'm not into girls? I know I'm definitely bi-curious or somewhere on the spectrum but I just don't want to label myself as bi and not actually be attracted to girls. I find that when I do find myself attracted to a woman slightly is when they're more masculine presenting like a butch lesbian but then my friend pointed out that maybe that just because I'm into guys (being masculine presenting that is). I'm both trying to convince myself I'm straight and that I'm bi because I hate men so much. Literally cant stand them but then I'm not that attracted to girls?? I'm definitely not aromatic or asexual. So confusing!!! If someone can help me with this bc its driving me CRAZY I'll love you forever!! (P.s probs doesn't help that I come from a very religious and traditionally conservative family)

[@karelgott2610]

I guess you´ve figured it out already, but my thought is you might be biromantic and heterosexual?

[@le1fy]

ugh this makes me feel SO RELIEVED and comfortable. I dele so safe here 💗💗

[@KiRenRed]

This video hits on so many points, I thought I was the only one with these thoughts and here they got definitions and shit!...wow!

[@iamsanaaaa]

If I could like this video a 100x times I would ❤!! I never felt more seen and heard, you explained it beautifully!!

[@homeopathicfossil-fuels4789]

Okay so I can fully relate to your experiences despite being trans. It actually helped me feel validated. The doc itself is super helpful to me, I just went through a disasterous relationship with a man and even just the cuddles I got from various other non-het girls in my life, cis or trans felt better than any sex I had with that guy. It's can actually get a bit annoying being trans and being with a cis girl, it always ends up with PIV sex, and while it doesnt make me that dysphoric(I hate my genitals but I dont hate using them, especially not now on hormones, a woman is more than the sum of her limbs and organs) I get kinda sad about the rest of my body being neglected, its like they just get distracted by my genitals. I need touch and closeness and more than one part of my body being stimulated at a time, also it always ends up with giver and taker shit when I really just want a "mutual stimulation/interaction" experience. The few times I have managed to have sex like that it feels great, like there is love involved, or in non-romantic situations like its about both of us. When it just becomes mindless one-piston flesh engine action I feel like I am a sex toy and nothing else, I don't mind penetration or being penetrated as long as there is closeness, kissing and touching involved. So to the cisles's out there, if you get with a pre-op or non-op trans girl, please remember that her body is just as sensate and in need of loving touch as yours!

[@emileehernandezhernandez6840]

Thank you so much for this. I have been questioning and strongly feeling like I am lesbian but confused about some of my prior feelings about men. This video answered so many questions and was the most helpful resource I have found so far. Thank you

[@a.monetlewis4779]

YAAAASSS SAVONNE IM ALL FOR THE INTRO MY FRIEND

[@YBCause]

THANK YOU for talking about blushing & being nervous!!!!!! It was bugging me a LOT. My trans gf made me realize I was so gay

[@nightskystars0762]

i've had crushes on many guys and to some guys i've had actual attraction and to some guys i just felt really uncomfortable and related to all the comp het attraction. So i guess i'm bi and i like men and but only few crushes i had were real crushes and others were due to comp het. idk if that's possible but that's what i feel rn

[@evieh6900]

That's fine and it doesn't make you less bi. I have a theory that comphet affects everyone, gay or straight, to some degree. Some of the signs can be universal to everyone. I'm a straight girl and I related to some of it.

[@nightskystars0762]

@@evieh6900 hey. Yeah I'm confident and comfortable in my bisexuality now. I realised that the masterdoc is inaccurate and spreads misinformation. It had messed with me

[@evieh6900]

@@nightskystars0762 it's good to hear that you are happy! Also don't worry, there are many people in your situation. It's just important to remember that the masterdoc is pretty biased and was written by a 19 year old lesbian in tumblr who later identified as bi. But it's good to hear that you are comfortable in your bisexuality :)

[@gracefulgaming6774]

@@evieh6900 that makes so much sense that the creator later came out as bisexual. i’m bisexual and that doc, and just the alleged misrepresentation of what comphet actually is has been fucking with me because i KNOW that i’m attracted to men. i had three or four legitimate crushes throughout my high school years and i actually became friends/acquaintances with one of them. i also had (and still kind of do) a MASSIVE crush on markiplier. i also don’t like how the document assumes that if you have a preference for girls/feminine nonbinary people, then you must’ve been faking your attraction to men this WHOLE time and you’re actually a lesbian. when i found out that i’m bisexual at the beginning of the year, i actually had a preference for men and masculine presenting people. at the end of february and beginning of march, my preference switched and now i currently prefer women and feminine presenting people. it probably doesn’t help that i’m just figuring this out at almost 20 years old.

[@evieh6900]

@@gracefulgaming6774 glad to hear you've found yourself! Many lesbians seem to argue that the masterdoc isn't biphobic, and saying it is is lesbophobic, but to be honest I don't think that's true. One of their points is that the masterdoc is for lesbians. I'm pretty sure it's for all questioning women. The signs in the doc are signs that may mean someone is gay, but tbh they just seem to pass off any legitimate attraction to men as fake.

[@amandapreval2284]

Only 18 secondes into the video and I'm already going through and introspective journey.

[@myshortstack9705]

ALL YA VIDEOS ARE VERY EDUCATIN.IM SOO HAPPY I FOUND THIS CHANNEL.PRAYIN YOU GO LIVE SOON

[@lunaginebra]

This one video in particular is helping me so much. Thank you for speaking about this and for all the details that you're addressing. It is so helpful, really, thank you so much!

[@cosmicheartbeat6784]

Thank you so, SO much for this video. I can’t find much on compulsory heterosexuality and I found this, and everything you said clicked. Other confirmations from other thoughts which aligned with videos on how to know one is a lesbian. This is so perfect and I appreciate you so so much. Your content is amazing and you are LITERAL perfection, so intelligent. I’m sorry if that sounds awkward, I’m just so emotional and so happy right now. Thank you! 🙏

[@naomih560]

Mind blowing. Never thought about that!

[@doodlarix]

Ahhhhh I love it! I love that video! I was just in my regular identify crisis and I really like the things you described here. Not like it helped me a lot, cuz in most cases im somewhere in between, but it was very informative.

[@kristinabayer3280]

I am currently sitting in front of my phone, screaming, "Oh, shit. Maybe I'm gay?!" What is happening to me?

[@discord1880]

i was so convinced i liked men but i was acttauly a lesbian all along thank u lesbian master doc for saving me from men🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️

[@justshrimp9019]

it’s like everytime i see a guy i always ask myself if i can like this guy, and see if i’m attracted to it, i have had crushes on multiple women, but never men. i have even dated a woman and i felt uncomfortable with dating men, but all of a sudden i felt the urge to like a man and say “well i HAVE found some men attractive i guess” but it’s hard to come to terms with if i like them or i can just tell that they’re just attractive. i don’t know if i like men or not so i thought that maybe it was comphet, this is so hard to get over..sometimes i make scenarios with men after i literally force myself to, and sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t, but ik that i probably won’t like one..idk ab that tho, everything is just so hard to accept, as someone with homophobic parents i also feel like i’m doing it for validation(making myself feel like i like men) SOMEONE HELP MEEEE

[@evaavanesian31]

Honestly, don’t try to label yourself. Just live your life and you’ll fall in love along the way. Sometimes ppl who thought they were straight all their life fall in love with the same sex and also vice versa. You might be lesbian, or you might just have a strong preference for women. It’s all ok and you don’t have to have all the answers rn!

[@coolcucumber2067]

It's so hard to accept this :( but thank you for this video

[@melinaloyer]

thank you thank you thank you for this comphet had been driving me crazy lately, this video really out me at ease (for now)

[@annaaolivia]

i needed this after getting a crush on a guy just because he was nice to me once

[@lindseyweaver5247]

For me, scissoring is not a thing but tribbing is 🤷‍♀️

[@IloveEnmuAndWomen]

THE FANTASIES ONE...I always thought that I`m hetero or bi, because I fantasize about males sometimes. But I related to literally everything in co het one!!

[@yixingsfavouriteexo-l5602]

I'm actually super confused about my sexuality, I m not really into men sexualy, I ve just dated man in the past and I've never took women in consideration in my dating pool, but the idea of being with a girl is weird but interesting at the same time(?) I honestly don't like having sex with men but I don't know if I'm asexual, gay( just saying it assuming I don't like men that much ) or just a straight person with not so much interest in sex. I feel like going with a girl just to have some gay experience would be disrespectful to the girl who is actually gay, I mean would hurt her if it turns out that girls are not my thing, and I mean wouldn't I be the stereotypical bi curious girl who just wants attention and hurts actual queer ppl (?)

[@watchoutcrazy]

I'm feeling this!!! How is it going for you a year later?👀

[@angelofnerdz676]

This gave me so much comfort. Not only you're black just like me, you're also lesbian just like me. I 100% agree with you through this whole vid! Thank you! 😆💖

[@rm-tx7co]

I’ve identified as bi since I was 13. My first real kiss was with a guy when I was 16 and I didn’t really hate it but I was drunk, barely saw his face and never knew his name. But it wasn’t a good experience cause he was a bad kisser.Then I just had things with women but never anything serious, just drunk making out, a couple weeks of texting, but never a date or anything else. Now I’m almost 19 and not sure if the interest I’ve felt in men in the past was gender envy (im also dealing with gender identity questioning), me hypersexualizing myself and wanting male validation (never had it growing up) or if simply I do like men but am afraid of them because I fear I’m not exactly what men generally want (I’m not as femenine or as skinny as most like) and am not generally that in touch with my femininity because I’ve stripped myself from it to be tougher Today I met a couple new people and one guy catched my eye. My first thought in regards of inmediate attraction was ew, but then as time passed I liked his long hair and I learned that he is a drummer and the looks and smirks he kept giving made me found him attractive, but mu first thought was ew, and I’m not sure I like the idea of kissing him.

[@DaftDill]

This is the most helpful video on this that I’ve watched so far, thank you.

[@LiFeeIsSMusicC]

The fact that actually being in relationship with a man that I am supposingly attracted to , has made me feel so uncomfortable, really has made me think on this "compulsory heterosexuality" thing.. Cause I've been with women and lots of times I didn't feel this way, cause I've been in love with women before... But then again, I don't have a real big experience with men, so I am thinking to myself it might just be that.. I 've only had sex with one cis male in my life and we were on relationship for 3 years... I was never in love or truly attracted to him.. But the thing is, like... I WANT TO ACTUALLY BE ATTRACTED TO MEN ALSO.. It' s like.. I don't want to miss out on that.. You know what I mean? Is this lesbiphobia? I don't know man... I just feel confused :'(

[@flavoredguts]

that’s me except w girls. I don’t think I’m lesbian because I’ve only dated two girls and the rest guys :-:

[@raml5282]

@@flavoredguts i dont have any dating experience but i think.its more about how you Felt in those relationships rather than how many guys and girls youve dated. I hope you feel more comfortable with your sexuality, whatever it is! A label isnt all that important♡

[@zuzaadler3943]

Damn, I feel this way too. I am scared I'm *just* a lesbian, bc i really wanna be attracted to guys. I love the idea of straight relationship and when I was with my previous partner I constantly asked myself a question "do i actually love him?" - that was so fucking exhausting 😭 bc sometimes I was like yeah sure, sometimes like nope, u tricked yourself again. Hope some therapy is going to enlighten me about that haha

[@-ana_banana-2098]

Sooo I was already confused about if I liked women or not. Now I’m doubting if I really like guys?? I have literally always thought I liked guys I am confusion

[@clairejohnson7809]

Are you attracted to women sexually? It all made sense for me after being with a woman ❤ (Yes I know people can be homoromantic and heterosexual)

[@sapphic7779]

that was me but I'm gay now

[@juneflowers1]

New subscriber here! I’m so glad I found your channel because I can relate to so much of what you say!!

[@Laura-vl6db]

I believe I am a lesbian. However, I don’t really have disgusting thoughts about men. It’s more like a preference for women. Though, men seem a lot more safer because I know what that’s like. What’s next. With women, it’s so blurry. At this moment, I’ve never dated a women but I have dated men. I’ve been s*xual with both and that is how I was able to tell.

[@vvvvvvv123]

this is VERY HELPFUL thank you!

[@oliviacorona4897]

At 7:01 that’s literally how I feel, I was never able to articulate it like how she just did