Unveiling the "Good girl" Trope : A sapphic perspective.

[@kazetasj]

As a lesbian who has a degree in clinical psychology I found myself very intrigued by this psycho-dynamic perspective. I've long thought there was a connection between the rejection of queer identity and perfectionism. Before this video I assumed it was mainly about cognitive dissonance. Children are not stupid. They can realize when they are not 'acting correctly' in regards to the society around them. The realization that their queer identity is not acceptable has to contend with the desire to be socially accepted, which is an evolutionary need for humans to thrive. The dissonance between the unacceptable and acceptable then pushes one's behavior to be a star at *something* in life, so as to gain social acceptance without addressing the topic that is the cause of your insecurity. In a DBT sense, this dissonance would be solved through principles of radical acceptance. You are gay and that will socially ostracize you in many contexts-- you do not have to 'prove' you deserve acceptance, because some people will never give it to you. That's simple reality, and accepting that will allow your energy to go to more productive areas of life. However, the added layer of desiring motherhood is something I haven't considered before. It makes a lot of sense that these older, grown lesbians who don't accept their queerness would unconsciously replicate the very same dissonance they struggle with. An avoidant attachment style (not touching on the topic for too long), grooming the underaged (their inner child that is still confused), seeking positions of power (to attempt to control what they know they can't)... I usually don't even like the psycho-dynamic lens either because it's so emotion driven, but the logic you applied lines amazingly with the way women are expected to mask themselves and engage in 'nurturing' roles despite their inner turmoils. This is a very insightful essay and you've just gained a new subscriber. Also I'm glad you're using academics in your healing process. It's certainly helped me define my own struggles, and having categories and explanations can allow one to accept themselves instead of being lost in a sea of overwhelming confusion. I truly wish you the best. I think you have more than enough potential, passion, and drive to become an amazing therapist, or even just a critical thought analyst in whatever field you go into.

[@flar7137]

​@ville__ If being gay was a choice, I would choose to be gayer

[@Kagomai15]

It's a bot, I see it everywhere, always saying nasty crap. ​@@flar7137

[@jollydove6314]

Fork academics

[@dablloydtruther]

STRAIGHT HAIR STRAIGHT A’S STRAIGHT FORWARD

[@dablloydtruther]

also i love this

[@aroissomebodywhoexists]

STRAIGHT GIRL!!

[@v1rzen]

STRAIGHT PATH, I DONT CUT CORNERS

[@Apaperypaperclip]

I MAKE A POINT TO BE ON TIMEEEE

[@A.K.33]

HEAD OF THE STUDENT COUNCIL

[@susanjoyce4244]

Lesbian (for the algorithm)

[@sanellie06]

@ville__ the right one yes

[@CherryBerry-bm2wx]

​​@ville__ bro it's no one's fault that your parents didn't pay you enough attention, fk off 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@chuuislovechuuislife]

@ville__it’s not

[@str4nger-d4nger]

​@ville__Being gay isn't a choice, but being hateful for no reason is.

[@franknfurter5336]

oh shit yea let me get in on this

[@Frollky988]

I too think there's a link between motherhood and lesbianism. I've been called a goody two shoes before multiple times, teachers and my mum have pushed me to be a perfect straight A student, who is polite and smart, but realising I was queer and later coming out and have my mum not essentially be homophobic but still reject my queerness was one of the most hurtful things ever. And even now I can't stand to dissapoint her and will tell her many things but my lesbianism bc even though I accept that part of myself, the way she views me matters a lot. Anyway I can't say I agree with everything in this video, but I loved it none the less and the set up and outfits were very lovely. Thank you for bringing up this topic !

[@lyonclaws5737]

i'm not sure about this due to the implication that poor relationships with parents causes homosexuality

[@lilpetz500]

​@@lyonclaws5737 yeah, I feel a little weird about the take too. I like the idea of fluidity and nurture influencing it, but perhaps it more so influences how we perceive and label the innate thing, since our labels for orientation and gender are historically much more fluid. But I do agree that, the identity we settle on at certain times can reflect experiences we were changed by, positive or negative. I knew a close friend who identified firmly as pansexual, but due to experiences with men and their general type, they were almost entirely into femininity and androgyny, and not at all into cis guys. But it was more of an extra note added to an identity after experience. Personally, I identify as Biro ace atm, but I know that first part is kind of shaky, and still can't actually distinguish if I was offput by experiences and just need to unpack it when I can afford a counsellor, or actually aro-spec. And I can't find out until I'm given the unfortunately inaccessible resources of mental health support, or willing to take a major risk of worsening my mental wellbeing to experiment. I appreciate the discussion around fluidity, and here is the place for it. But it unfortunately keeps getting put off and hidden away as long as people in systemic power, are still struggling with the concept of pronouns and sometimes suggesting we can and should administer ""therapy"' to make people cishet. The conversation is sadly, genuinely dangerous to have outside of little spaces like this

[@lilpetz500]

@ville__ no one gave you the response you wanted after 3 hours? It really isn't simply a choice, and yes it is harmful to imply it is.

[@Ssacabambaspis]

​@ville__I feel like your breath smells bitter

[@shaelaputaindrole9625]

​@@lilpetz500No ones responds because he is a very desperate troll going around every youtube commentary channel leaving "edgy" comments (at least what a 14yo would think to be edgy) in the hopes of getting some attention. He's probably a bot or a very, very chronically online person.

[@dolfuny]

Lesbians 🤝 English teacher/art teacher At least that was my experience in school but I never masked as hyper feminine

[@v2v2an]

the decentering of men resulting in academic and professional success is a very interesting analysis ive never seen being discussed before. i never leave youtube comments but im obsessed w this and i wanna stay on the lesbian side of youtube lol

[@shayanders01]

WORDD it was such an interesting yet relatable take because yes, I do not revolve my school life (or have thoughts about) men and looking to find men I can be with in that environment. I also don't seek out women because I know there is such a small pool of lesbians that it's almost nonexistent (ofc not including myself 😆). but I've never been distracted from school and have found comfort in performing well at school and THAT is what I seek when I enter places like this and similar.

[@Snormite]

It has nothing to do with men, decentering social life like hanging out with friends or pursuing romantic relationships just to focus on your career is the most obvious method of achieving academic success.

[@zlis4536]

@@Snormite that's bs, men are the ones who hold women back when it comes to academic achievement. it's been so for centuries

[@Pupkatmonster]

@@Snormite From a lesbian perspective, it is decentering men. Some hormonal heterosexual 14 year old would be more attached to a man and give all their time to them than a lesbian goody girl who doesn’t have much to do other than get A+ on assignments.

[@Snormite]

@@Pupkatmonster As if a lesbian wouldn't want to have a loving girlfriend... You're decentering relationships, not men, being a lesbian is not being arromantic.

[@cheese-in-space]

A good example of this is Annie Edison from Community. She’s very goody two shoes and a good student, very obsessed with being perfect and organized. It’s very easy to read this as comphet or this mask from a queer perspective.

[@z0mbzie420]

annie and britta is the best ship out of the series fr, tbh anyone is better for her than jeff

[@MikiBurning111]

I mean there are several moments in the show where Annie and Britta almost kiss....although the show tends to play it off as lack of experience and experimentation on Annie's part.

[@ellemo694]

i clicked on this because of twilight sparkle on the cover. i always loved my teachers in elementary school, my mother even telling me as i got older i needed to stop hugging them so much out, and how i needed to be perfect in the eyes of authority (or who i saw as authority, aka partners who made me feel small). this video essay unlocked a huge realization that i've never seen anyone else discuss but makes SO MUCH SENSE. it's making me look back and analyze my younger years very closely

[@spiderorbit]

@ville__u have replied this to literally almost every comment, get a life!!

[@truckstopakira7658]

Dude so real ive always loved my female teachers or teachers overall i gave them cookies and acted good idk why but i feel lesbianism and motherhood are somehow connected in a way that makes us seek approval of the older women around us

[@rendered33]

@ville__and I’ll choose it every time. hope this helps 🫶🏾

[@bingonight1504]

I know it's probably kinda weird because you'll never know the people who comment down here, but I really appreciate you being so vulnerable on camera and talking about your experiences. There's so many nuances to being a kid and finding your place in the world, and I haven't seen a lot of things that capture those nuances like your essay does. I'm coming from a different place because im white but the feelings still resonated with me, and I'm sure that kind of openness is going to help a lot of people understand themselves and each other better.

[@bingonight1504]

@ville__ don't you want to be remembered for something besides this

[@sweetycosplays]

Lmao,saw the replying of "being gay is a choice" on a ton of comments.Bro,coming back every hour isn't doing anything for you except commenting and getting the video more reach,you're not hurting anyone but yourself,instead spend that time replying with useless comments, you could do something productive with ur life instead of being a basement dweller. If you don't like the video you dont have to watch it.​

[@alexandracitan777]

even before watching the video the title makes sense, like yes, i will hear your out.

[@truckstopakira7658]

@ville__ shut up lil bro im in yo walls

[@cheerysublime]

i’m really glad to see a video on this trope through a sapphic lens! as someone who grew up the “good girl/teacher’s pet” as a lesbian, it’s become a priority to unlearn a lot of these people pleasing behaviors instilled in us by authority figures, oftentimes who are from puritanical/religious circles. i appreciate how you brought up how harmful and repressive this trope can be, even stemming into psychological behaviors growing older. this was something i hadn’t really seen analyzed before. i also appreciate you opening up and being vulnerable about your experiences as a black girl growing up within a repressive religious environment. i think a lot of the times we see white girls with lots of privilege placed into this “good girl” trope in fiction, and it doesn’t leave an accurate portrayal of how intersectional and nuanced sapphic lives are. incredible video!! i really enjoyed this, keep up the good work! ^_^

[@ParmesanTries]

as a trans guy bisexual who prefers women, and didnt know i was transmasc until late highschool, so many sapphic stories resonate with me. me and my mother do not talk, and ive always looked to female teachers to fill the void of motherly love id never receive from my birthgiver. Freshman year, im going to a new school where i know four people, none of which were close friends nor were they in any of my classes. my FIRST hour teacher gave be huge lesbian vibes, and she became the crutch i needed for that entire year. i didnt start making friends until semester 2, so her support was all i had. she really was the best, and im friends with her adopted kids to this day. Thankfully no weird feelings were on either side of our relationship as student and teacher, but she will forever be a big part of who i am

[@ParmesanTries]

for the note i dont concider any relationships ive had sapphic other than my first because not only am i transmasc now, but all previous partners (minus the first) are also now transmasc or cis men. i just know what it was like to be in those types of relationships

[@reesevaldez1675]

lately ive been on a kick of thinking about and learning about grooming and different types of grooming as a way to kind of make sense of my experiences and explore different dynamics in fiction. as a genderqueer sexually ambiguous DID system who was raised as a girl and who liked girls growing up, i find that a part of me is steeped in the lesbian experience regardless of my different personal identities. this was a really good video and you pointed out a trend in media i had noticed and talking about your personal experiences added to the lesbian perspective. the teachers pet, both as a fictional trope and as a real person, is one thats often misunderstood and not well liked. being a teachers pet, i feel, is born of ostracization and encourages it further until you are stuck in this role of needing to please someone else and be useful and be favored. the desire to be someones favorite person is strong in this one, lol. and it just creates this perfect storm that gets you caught up with people who want to take advantage of you or who need someone who needs their love and validation begged for. theres a very special codependent dynamic born of this teachers pet mindset that i think attracts lesbians specifically. in a world where its beat into us that we cannot love and will not be loved, we jump at the first opportunity we see to do just that, whether its moral or not. all of these feelings of unbelonging are also multiplied if youre any other type of margianalized- black, trans, fat, disabled. and the moment someone it feels like someone really loves you even with all that theres no going back... id also like to add that the teachers pet trope is often filled by characters who can be read as autistic. it is incredibly lonely and disheartening to be shunned without even knowing why, as others often see your deepest secrets before you ever know yourself. i dont have a particular point or ending to this, i just wanted to comment because your video was interesting and got me thinking, esp as i have never seen anyone on youtube talk about the connection between the teachers pet trope and lesbianism and i love that you talked about the grooming aspect and why it comes to happen, while both acknowledging that its predatory and talking about it honestly without judgement. this is something that happens and it happens for a reason and personally i think having an openly intense vitriol for abusers doesnt actually do anything to help victims, i personally find it more enlightening and helpful to have actual discussions about abuse and grooming rather than a "ew kill these people" moment, lolol. anyways thanks for the video and i value your insight into this topic

[@dorothydiabetes]

The profundity of your statement has me at a loss for words. What amazing language you have to piece this puzzle together! Thankyou for taking the time to type this omg

[@smookiezz]

Fat people aren’t marginalized just hated.

[@Lil1kv]

Gay guy here for solidarity and a love for sapphic media

[@franknfurter5336]

I appreciate you ngl I feel like a lot of gay men ignore us

[@maypogar7181]

This is one of the best videos I’ve ever seen. I had a while without doing introspection on my own lesbianism, i just entered university and well i haven’t really have time for thinking about me and my crushes and relationships. I don’t have a bad relationships with my mother, but things are indeed weird every time my lesbianism comes around, and this has been the same since i first came out at 12, not even a year after I stoped having crushes on girls my age and started really fixating over older woman (almost my mother´s age). I inmediatly realized it was something psychological but I went along with it, like I really became to be attracted to the fact i liked older women and the fact that they could hold a power over me. It’s probably luck, its probably because i never really performed feminity in a conventional way but I fortunately never found myself with an older woman who could be interested at me in a strange way. If anything i was more a teachers pet to male teachers than female ones, and well is interesting cause i always have been good and too dedicated at school and since I first thought about it, I attributed it to not having a “feminity compliance” with other women, so it seems I wasn’t that far with the conclusion. I’m just rambling around at this point, it is too 1 am and I’m too writing a paper talking about lesbianism. But this video really shattered me, in a good way tho, i sadly haven’t been able to find someone in real life that shares similar experience, I know a lot of queer people, but not even one who is also lesbian, and this sort of things remind me that I’m not alone in the world. Right now the relationship of my lesbianism with my mother has growth a little bit better, and I’m not as young and untestable as i was from 13 to 16. But sometimes lesbianism and the feelings and life experience that comes with it can be weird. Also, you should check out all versions of Girls in Uniforms.

[@zakourille]

omg your mind!! the decentering of men and pure pursuit of interests but then also lesbianism in relation to the master and student relationship... among all the other interesting topics discussed!!!

[@AugustRx]

@ville__ God's?

[@mar420.74]

​@ville__ No it's not why are you everywhere im gay if that makes you mad or something i don't know, stop being everywhere it's weird, change your user or something im tired of seeing you everywhere and you know why, go outside

[@mar420.74]

​@@AugustRx yeah basically he doesn't give a eff there are people eating each other and torturing each other he does not care but that in the slightest, the Bible says so and im not Christian, but my parents are, hardcore

[@thealmightybucket5930]

very unique and interesting analysis!! i've never seen anyone talk about this before

[@CasuallyCruelCrushesClub]

It's such a great way to deal with past trauma/ experiences by taking a psychological perspective onto fictional characters that seem to show similar behavioural patterns cuz psychoanalyzing ourself directly can be so emotionally draining and a lot of times pretty much futile but putting a similar character under the same lens but minus the personal experience attached to it is actually genius.

[@mikoevelynn111]

4:00 I may be too ace to really... speak on this? But I'm a biromantic girl who has always had a strong preference for guys and this part of the video feels extremely "I'm not like other girls" mentality. I think assuming that all heterosexual women want the attention of men and center around men in some way is a counter productive stance to take, and even falling into those argument pitfalls feels almost misogynistic... I won't argue that there aren't women that are trying to get the attention of men they are attracted to and that do place a lot of value on a man they are interested in. But I don't agree that is something that can be generalized to all heterosexual women and be what differentiates being a lesbian vs being a heterosexual woman.

[@carimeslockdownedtree2654]

Yeah, that's also what I was thinking. Sure, many hetero women do talk about men and want their affirmation, but I don't think that has anything to do with them being one sexuality or another. It's more a cultural and personality thing. I am ace-spec too, more with a feminine preference, so I'm not the demographic she's speaking about, but I still feel it's an unfair assumption to make, as well as lesbians seeking their own goals over everything else. In the video itself, she talks about women seeking the approval of other women _through_ their achievements, which is the same thing as wanting to look nice for a man, in my opinion. Otherwise, I really like the video and the ideas it brings up and how all of the topics discussed relate to lesbianism and how it's portrayed in fiction, but that part in the beginning, I can't really stand behind.

[@karolina6049]

I think the part about lesbians in workplace especially about lesbians being more driven while performing jobs because they're not distracted by romantic pursuits doesn't sit right with me. It sounds close to the justification for unequal wages, things like women don't put as much effort as their male peers, they're unqualified and just riding coattails of pretty privilege etc. Or in this case straight women not being as diligent because they are distracted by man’s opinion, unlike their lesbian peers. I might be reaching here and I'm not saying that the author supports that rhetoric. It's just how it came across to me.

[@Suited_Nat]

@@carimeslockdownedtree2654yeah, I get you as a lesbian myself. I personally have to say I wasn’t super interested into guys when I identified as bi, but I think that was largely due to how much internalized homophobia I felt, to the point where I was “scared” of letting myself feel that way despite always feeling a certain way

[@Suited_Nat]

@@karolina6049That’s completely fair! And honestly I saw it as a bit off as well. Cus I know myself and while I do like to get high grades, struggling with a lot of depression kinda takes the motivation from doing so.

[@shaelaputaindrole9625]

​​​@@karolina6049Yeah, its definetely reaching imo... she was just explaining how women not having to worry about weither or not they "fit the mold" can definetely help them in the pursuit their career. A lot of straight women for example might unconsciously put themselves limits in order to not seem too imposing or threatening, because they might see the workplace as being as good a place as any to meet a potential partner or even just perform feminity (again most of the time unconsciously). Also I dont think it was a "lesbians are this, therefore straight women are that" kinda thing. To me its seems like she was clearly just trying to tell a story and explore these topics from a lesbian perspective. Doesn't necessarly have to mean something from a straight women pov.

[@maxquinn8894]

I've only started watching, but wanted to say, that's its great that you talking about it, i haven't seen anybody else looking at the "good girl" trope through that lens, and i honestly myself never really thought of it in that way, but it makes A LOT, really A LOT, of sense and its seems to me as a topic, really worth close examination, so really good on ya, for doing exactly that!!

[@belcia69]

OMFG THE POLISH SUBTITLES IN 0:44 JUMPSCARED ME 💀💀

[@garyoak9285]

Dosl nie wiedziałam co się dzieje

[@ZofiaCzaplicka]

rel przez chwile myślałam że sama to sobie przetłumaczyłam w głowie

[@ZofiaCzaplicka]

@ville__ bro your profile is weird, find a hobby and stop talking shit

[@belcia69]

​@ville__ Bro, you've literally clicked on a video, went to the comments, choose a random comment not even on the topic and deciced to write that 💀💀 Being gay is not a choice, but being a f*cking idiot is

[@stanqifrey1575]

Haven't finished yet but i love your set up! its gorgeous to look at.

[@creaturefeature2000]

Im going to come back once the edible hits because I know this is gonna hit too close to home

[@Trash-Garbage-Trash]

Thank you! Wow, I knew this was a thing but I didn't realize exactly how prevalent this is in sapphic representation!

[@lilianpranes7320]

You give big SailorJay vibes, but instead of silly things you talk about deep, introspection and psychology. Which is something I love. Hearing a part of your story made me really feel for you, I've struggled a lot too but in different ways. I truly hope you find your belonging and that peace within yourself someday.

[@Trixie-the-rat]

2:34 me, a lesbian with all three: I'm honestly very lazy and hate having to do anything that isn't stimulating for me, so it's odd to hear most lesbians are super driven.

[@dilloncortez1566]

I don't really agree with that either. My partner is very driven in her career and she is bi. Many of the hetero women I've worked with and study in university with are also extremely driven. Most women I know in my life all have many different hobbies.

[@rendered33]

I am driven but I don’t think it’s a result of my sexuality or rejection from society. I just strive for more out of life

[@rottingbride]

dios mio nunca me sentí tan identificada con un video, muy buen trabajo 😭

[@hugofeldmar4585]

girl u are rockin' these topic

[@meeiokeeio6353]

Sorry if someone already said this but another example I automatically thought of is Claire from Derry Girls! I would definitely recommend if you haven’t watched it!

[@mpomme-fk7vb]

love this insight and your openness. for those debating your experience of grooming, they are possibly considering it from a very narrow, media-defined perspective in that grooming and abuse only happens in very specific patterns that meet a clear definition. in reality, it can be messy and hard to define. i think if you felt groomed and intuitively knew something was off, then you are correct because it was your experience. even if the teacher had "good intentions," their focus on you was invasive, informed by race, and isolating for you. essentially, the road to hell is paved with good intentions. it makes sense that you were so confused given the chaos of your childhood. i do think that the critique of this experience and the responsibility you are putting on yourself is a type of self-shaming. often, gray situations keep us stuck in these strange abusive relationships because it is easy to fall into defining them instead of feeling confident in being on our own. at six, and even in the present, you were learning and seeking support. there is certainly a lot to unpack regarding intersectionality of race, sexuality, morality, etc. bottom line, you felt endangered and that is always valid. it hurt you and it added to the fractures between yourself and with any community you had. i think it is too easy in white, hetero culture (which results in silencing any marginalized identity/group) that being afraid or in pain is not a valid reason to feel hurt or question relationships. which is total bullshit. you mentioned being an adult repeatedly and your value of accountability. at the same time, giving room for your wounded self to be messy is also okay. it struck me how being abused/traumatized can result in us internalizing the dynamic and continuing to hold ourselves to perfectionism = protection. we are good girls because we are taught it will save us, especially in Christianity. and it has become clearer to me that this inherently adds more complexity to my relationships with women (i am bi) because often we are both trying to have our needs met while also performing our own versions of protective gender and sexuality. these relationships seem to combust often due to the pressure shame that can wreck us as individuals. i don't subscribe to the total idea that our childhood traumas determine our sexuality but i do think you raise a valuable and overlooked point about how our trauma can play out in the needs and/or pleasures we might prefer relationally and sexually. and i totally agree that those who are attracted to men have, at best, distraction and behavior related to being appealing. it is a part of any pursuit because the potential for having to navigate atttaction/danger dynamics with the men around us is always there. one is still using up brain space on working in accordance with men and a standard. it is an integral component of comphet. thank you for your analysis and vulnerability. ❤

[@oofoofoofityoof]

The fact I too was a massive teacher's pet as a kid and I'm also very queer (I do have a great relationship with my mother and my queerness was never really masked very well though) honestly clicked because I saw Twilight and honestly Sunset is very much my teacher's pet vibe because I also went a little rogue later on because I was disappointed in my ability to keep up and function at the required level (being disabled and no longer able to make up for it to the same level I could before definitely hit me hard in year 9, I dropped from mostly As with a few Bs and a C in PE/Sport to a single A and mostly Bs and Cs + a D in PE/Sport because the learning disorder means I can't actually write properly so I couldn't take notes in class and the AuDHD doesn't help with retaining information especially since there was external stress as well)

[@Gatozparty]

Im bisexual but you really called me out with the mom issues 😭 like I was just expecting ohh good girls are just nerdy but not a full on “oh yeah u have issues with ur mom” like dayum 😭

[@NessaNo-j5v]

This title feels like a call-out

[@pixiedghost]

This video is seriously so good! I love the way you interpret these things and this trope is so trueee. Please make more sapphic videos :)

[@jjayjazz]

Me making my monster high and ever after high dolls kiss in third grade

[@chip6534]

Oooh one of my favorite movies, Mädchen in Uniform (1958) is pretty similar to Olivia, definitely fits into this good girl trope, but I really especially love the portrayal of the teacher figure. In the original Mädchen in Uniform, she's portrayed as an "evil lesbian" seducing all the children, but in the remake she has so much more depth. Honestly emotionally destroys every time I watch it. Strongly recommend 👍👍

[@maruk8079]

'i was very driven as a child, driven everywhere i was'

[@Ruth.I_S]

Not me feeling a bit called out rn

[@heddaaxelsson3151]

Am 3 minutes in but thank you, you are doing the world a favor with this video (and with the world I mean me)

[@ian-online]

i relate to the "goodie two shoes" character, as trans guy who's still pre any transition, and thought of myself as a lesbian. (years ago) super grateful for this point of view, hopefully i learn more

[@neferpitou1788]

What a gem

[@Bongo-sb1gs]

​@ville__ dont you have anything better to do

[@ashleyhenderson6234]

wow holy shit this is so good. i was literally just posting on my gc abt how i only get good grades by being a teacher's pet lmfao. this is making me realize so much and god damn my first grade teacher fucking sucked. i dont think she groomed me but she was physically abusive, just like she was to all the kids in our class, and i guess she could tell my mom was hitting me at home too because she would make me feel safe occasionally and i would drift closer to her even though i knew what she was doing to the other kids in my class - i would defend her to my mom or the other kids because i *really* knew her unlike all of them and was really shocked when she did the same shit to me lmao. ugh. and yeah my last girlfriend did the same thing to me. she was younger than me (but only by a bit) and she would belittle me and talk down to me and then i would justify it to my friends because i Really Knew her and we loved each other so much and blah blah i was such an idiot. i just enjoyed the way she would make decisions for me and always lead the conversation. i just like to be told what to do i guess. whatever, im over it now (lying). im trans so the experiences i talk about here are influenced by that, like in first grade i was a little boy not a little girl, but well i think a lot of transfems experience being treated a lot weirder by the cis women in our life than other guys. lol i love transmisogyny /j. that said i think the teacher's pet dynamic is something you can see across all combinations of gender. i experienced it a lot with the older men in my life (and yes that does include the Bad Traumatizing shit you mention in this video), and the thing i was talking about with my gc was with an older male professor of mine, who sees me as 100% a woman. ive experienced being the 'teacher's pet' when its straight, gay, and lesbian each at different points in my life. as a little boy with an older man or an older woman, a girl with her shitty girlfriend and a girl with that one lowkey dilf professor who she lovesss it when he talks at her- uhh haha anyway yeah but i absolutely think there's a specific manifestation of this dynamic between older women and younger girls that is influenced by societal expectations of motherhood, and couches any abuse behind how the bond between a mother and daughter is supposed to be uniquely loving and blessed by god or whatever the fuck idk fuck that read abolish the family by sophie lewis. this video was awesome and i am def going to check out olivia, ty for the recommendation i love vampires and morally dubious older women so i know ill go crazy over it. also to backtrack a bit i think there's a unique way the teacher's pet dynamic shows up when its two dudes, and surprise surprise it tends to mimic the patriarchal ideal of fatherhood (yk the man of the house/pater familias etc). good lord i swear every queer man has insane daddy issues and boy do older gay men love to play on that. i dont mean to derail from talking about lesbianism and femininity i just personally as a genderqueer person have inhabited this world as a gay man and a lesbian and a straight woman and all of the above at different points in my life so i just bring up that perspective to show how hard i relate to everything u discuss here.

[@wearwolfproductions]

Thank you, this has given me something to sit on. It also makes me feel less hostile to my younger very undercovered and then very repressed self.

[@Pearl.Is.Autistic.SU.900]

You forgot Amity from the Owl House

[@lilpetz500]

This is such a thorough, high quality, and entertaining media read, fantastically done!! I was genuinely a little scared of lesbianism growing up due to social conditioning, not quite the "lesbians are evil" kind, but more so the passive "lesbians exist, but we should mock them" idea. Finally just unpacking that (major credit to the Tumblr Lesbian Masterdocs and learning the concept of comphet) suddenly the overly strict internal critic and coach I've struggled with could chill out. Suddenly, I didn't have to dress up femininely, I just was already sufficient and didn't have to compensate, I could even enjoy fem styles but to my taste. Turns out too, I'm still not even necessarily a lesbian, but a sapphic ace, with vague bi attraction (think, none pizza with left beef, and a little on the right too) I'm so damn happy for the future of queer and even cishet girls that hopefully get to bypass all this mental labour and just. Enjoy their orientation and expression, or at least all the wonderful media inspired by it.

[@elzilrac]

Great video, I had never heard of this trope before, but it makes a lot of sense. And thank you for sharing your personal story as well.

[@aliendeamor]

aaaa i loved ur thoughts! 💭 💜🩷🤍🧡❤️

[@babiegirl526]

i love the olivia movie sooo much omgg the older woman thing was so real i wonder can it be something like experiencing youth again but in a sapphic way like blanche dubois was with younger boys to feel young again i wonder can it be like that

[@CommanderDarcy]

OH CELESTIA, YES, LUNA/NIGHTMARE MOON'S HATE IS SO UNWARRANTED like, i can tots understand Luna's side, imagine being put in competition with your sibling and your sibling never doing anything to make it better, quite the opposite, for all i remember (i'm rewatching the show recently and i'm still on S4) Celestia only did something once Luna was "too far gone". She never tried to, idk, make a holiday for Luna so ponies would appreciate her moon? Something this small would already help Luna's pain quite a bit, i imagine. To think Luna only got a holiday for herself once she was sent to the moon for a thousand years. also, i've never stopped to think about how both Twilight and Sunset are alike Luna in some ways, it does bring a new light to their relationship with Celestia, which i've always seen as maternal. Celestia trying to compensate her errors with Luna by taking under her wing (quite literally) ponies that reminded her of the one pony she failed so much had never crossed my mind before! You truly bought a triplex in my head, holy shit!

[@goob007]

you’re so big brained and i love your analyses of things and how they relate to lesbianism

[@alittlemonkey4851]

Love videos and am commenting to help boost.❤

[@bubblesmuffin3151]

absolutely love this video! it's rare to see freudian analysis, especially to lesbianism, outside of gothic literature so it was so nice to see these theories applied to these different shows/films. really interesting analysis! i'm not sure if you've read any of shirley jackson's work, but she's been known to 'accidentally' write maternal-type lesbian relationships for her characters, like the haunting of hill house, we have always lived in the castle, etc.

[@productionerror1108]

This video is really fascinating and your hairstyle is really cute

[@ian-online]

okay, but "when we cannot say who interests us, we will shift our importance to our personal pursuits." quote is fye 🔥

[@astriddean6433]

33 seconds into discovering you and I'm subscribed-- I cannot remember the last time I subscribed to someone that fast! Gods, I cannot wait to explore more of your catalouge!

[@Mikhail60866]

The set up is crazy we love it

[@C.DWoods]

I have nothing to add to the conversation but this was a very informative video and as a queer person I love learning about the perspectives of my community. (New sub)

[@z0mbzie420]

i really connect with the "teachers pet" trope, i grew up the "smart kid" and i always preferred spending time with adults rather than even my few close friends. My third grade teacher was labelled as mean and strict but i was definitely favored, used to eat my lunch with her, and she used to take me on walks when my anxiety got bad in class.

[@aliciafree4246]

I can't believe you don't have more subscribers, this video was so well made omg And maybe a microphone that stays in place or one that clips on your top would make the audio better 😊

[@alexba1ley]

The mic needs a small pop filter. You can buy one or make one from wire and pantyhose or some thin foam.

[@wumpusdraws]

Oh my godd.. I've been moving all my life. I have the same experience. My 'Teacher's pet' story began with my 6th grade science teacher and I became obsessed with being perfect & getting perfect grades until about the end of high school. I was raised Jehovah's Witness as a kiddo as well and I ALSO never got to celebrate holidays like Halloween with the other kids. I had been in denial about my lesbianism on and off since I was 8 years old until I was nearly 20. I've never met someone who understands this experience so deeply. I feel seen in I way I haven't before until now. This explains so much, thank you?!!

[@LoolooPotato1111]

Lol everything same except my 7yr old ass couldn't hide that I was gay

[@Magz89372]

A very good video and easy to understand despite thst i dont consume much saphic content. Im a straight white dude so hearing perspectives, art and experinces that dont center me helps me to understand others and how to not think in the straight white mindset. You should be proud of this video and thanks for sharing your experiences despite how uncomfortable it may be :)

[@juanakogutek3355]

ii think this is a very interesting take. I, as a lesbian, am often very driven and dedicate a lot of time to work or my studies or hobbys, more so than other people i share these spaces with. However i also put a lot of attention to my friendships

[@vrubin]

ooo yes as a masc lesbian PLS do a video on mascs

[@callmepines9944]

I usually don't comment (I have a fear of being perceived jdjfj) and I'm not even halfway through the video but the focus on career is such an interesting point because I never quite saw myself as ambitious and career-centered until I realized what it's actually like to be a queer woman/fem-presenting/looking in a conservative society. It becomes your number 1 excuse for your life choices and number 1 goal, to reach success and freedom and open the door to a free and finally happy, fulfilling life via academic and professional achievements and success. I think there's a great link between thsese and that's all I wanted to say (and more) AAAHH yeah okay 🐥❤️✨ Thank you for coming to my yapping session where I yap about whatever and try to make it eloquent *dramatic bow* 🌙💌

[@truckstopakira7658]

I saw twilight and i instantly clicked

[@medmed5436]

youre so smart for this holy shit im so glad the yt algorithm got me here omfg...

[@Hannah-mu1uj]

I’m reading the song of ice and fire books rn and Sansa is so this imo (largely bc she reminds me of myself at that age!)

[@LargeFound]

30 seconds into the first video I see of you and I want to subscribe

[@serenitydoessomething7656]

The minute you showed apple white it clicked

[@catalystCO-8]

This is my first video of yours and I loved it. Definitely subscribed bc this was so well thought out and genuine, I really understood everything you said

[@SunnyS.Studios]

Hey you should do one for Tom boys or like rebellious more male presenting girls next! Sounds like itll be fun Edit: whoops didnt finish watching the vid sorrryyyy pls take your time with it. Content as good as yours deserve all the time it needs

[@dorothydiabetes]

Up next!! 1000%

[@SunnyS.Studios]

@@dorothydiabetes wooo hell yeah!

[@Gettingsomewhere8241]

I love your video and your analyzing i love that you shed light on how black girls and marginalized girls are prey on and groomed by women faculty especially if they're kids coming into their sexuality, society still has the mindset that cis white women can't be predators especially in a religious setting and you challenged that notice by connecting and questioning a trope so few have thought of, genius! Also on a side note I love the set up and the vibe it's like a diy concert or poetry night

[@miriamg3689]

Your description of Olivia kind of reminded me of the german film Madchen in uniform

[@Prismabom]

i really like ur analysis, it something i feel adjacent to while ive always been a "good kid" i dont think of myself having been a teachers pet.though the pursuit of career as a cover for lesbianism does hit home. all my school life i had said something to the affect im not interested in dating or im not ready, and i need to focus on school. ofc this was just internalized homophobia/threat of homophobia from my peers that i wouldn't admit im a lesbian. my only criticism is please be more careful with the mic, the audio would get very loud and hard to discern. thanks for putting caption tho that helped tremendously.

[@ian-online]

I also I wish you a good recovery and understanding of yourself

[@Suited_Nat]

Honestly it’s interesting how many parts of this resonate with me. While I’m Afab and masc presenting, I always was a “teachers pet” growing up, and it was due to a huge disconnect between my own relationship with my father and stepmother. And while my mom was there, she was often a lot more busy with work. But yeah, I don’t ever really think got the whole “x guy is cute thing” even when I got to highschool where I came out as bi, and later lesbian when I turned 18. A lot of the whole teachers pet dynamic is very relatable though, I didn’t really have the words to conceptualize that either. But it makes sense, I’d seek out teacher approval as a kid because I got very little from my father (hardly have a good relationship on my side of it) and my step mom would try to make me conform to a lot as a child, it really made things more complicated for me haha. And I feel like even in college myself, I don’t think I’ve ever had the mindset of settling down in marriage the same way a straight woman would. My ideal life is to be able to work with my wife as well. And I tended to be very very into my own hobbies instead of stuff related to guys as a kid as well, so that also makes sense lmao

[@tatianabonilla755]

comment comment comment comment comment your work here is so awesome ! I love your format I hope your channel grows and grows

[@CommanderDarcy]

i'm sorry i'm watching the whole vid i promise, but every single time i remember SciTwi is one of the characters you're gonna use as an example, i giggle. I love her so much i'm just happy /gen

[@helencorderosa]

14:03 this line lol I appreciate the additions to my watchlist one thing for you to consider is paying more attention to the subtitles, but I know you don't have the time to review every single word.. I think the KZbin subtitles are better than those autogenerated from cap cut anyways, so you could just don't put them in the video. I think the beginning part is wayyy to generalizing best wishes to you girl, well structured video

[@dorothydiabetes]

DUDE THIS IS SO HELPFUL

[@dorothydiabetes]

doing that next time tho

[@sittinginbushes]

I haven't watched the video fully but as a kid I perceived my mother as a "main" parent(one of the reasons is my father being absent) and due to unsatisfying relationship w her I felt the need in a female parental figure more than in a male one. and it lead me to being a perfect student who always wanted attention from my mother and female teachers(wasn't even as interested in connecting w my peers as I was w them). and I'm a neurodivergent lesbian. so I guess my mother's role in my life was twice as important. well, she failed twice then edit: funny how I discovered this video tho being the exact same example of this phenomenon edit 2: I'm not seeking a female validation like I used to in my younger years, I actually sort of became a "black sheep" in my family due to this change of character. but yeah it's fascinating to think about the reasons of my childhood behavior. and yeah, I'm a masc now

[@aubreyplazafan]

i just learned a LOT about myself. damn

[@zoeygaudet688]

Not all hetero women seek male validation fyi that’s a big statement you made girl

[@vlad5042]

i think its fair to say. it may not control your life or be your sole purpose for everything you do, but if you have a sexual interest in the opposite sex you are, at some point in your life, going to want some kind of validation from them.

[@RosBriTay]

Thank god I have been looking for this comment! I am bi, and think a lot of the statements in this video are really interesting and insightful, but the “women who like Men have no hobbies or goals” was not one of them. As someone who is romantically interested in, and has been in relationships with both men and women, I think it was a pretty disrespectful and misogynistic statement to make. Yes, obviously some women do seek male validation to a concerning extent, but I would argue this is normally due to trauma that they have experienced with men, rather than the fact that they are straight. To say that Women who are romantically interested in men do not have hobbies or do not care about their academics is extremely outdated. You wouldn’t make the same statement about straight guys being interested in women, and you wouldn’t make it about gay guys. Why do you think it’s okay to bring other women down like that? Women already face so much discrimination for being “too emotional” and I have seen a recent rise in the Andrew Tate era of young men making comments about women who lack drive and don’t have hobbies. It is such an important time for all genders to stick up for each other and strive for equal education and career development. The false narrative that women are distracted by men, and cannot complete jobs or achieve their goals due to their sexuality needs to stop. It is dehumanising, and disregards all the achievements of women, Straight otherwise.

[@carebearblvnt]

That's exactly what i was thinking bro like this is so incredibly misogynistic

[@TheDroneMan1]

fr

[@MayaParris]

@@vlad5042 If you are attracted to the same sex, it’s no different…

[@BorgerRat]

*Cough cough* OCEAN O’CONNELL ROSEMENBERG *cough cough*

[@Howling_Ghosts]

YESSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@bsdaudrevla]

this video personally attacked me wtf

[@breh9243]

This is really interesting! Great video

[@freepeltiple2]

This might be a heavy comment, but I think it can be another conversation to this concept ^^. The way I conceptualized my "good girl" tendencies was always first for safety. I don't like men, and I believe my mom doesn't like men, but obviously I was born and my parents didnt divorce until I was 14. I knew on some level my mother didnt like it, so I thought it was normal. I believe my dad is smart too, he definitely caught on to that she didnt like it- but they were both following the roles given to them as man and woman respectively. The mental gymnastics 🤦🤦 My family is also Christian you see, and man and woman are seen as only valuable with the other, and sex only comes after marriage (union), so in a way, I would be protected from sexual situations with men if I was seen as pure and good (like, saving myself for marriage kind of thing). They might court me, but they wouldn't touch me, and I knew a day of reckoning would come after marriage, but I was just trying to survive. I believe my mom shared her fear of men and disgust with men, while still being married and completely financially dependent on a man. Im not sure where Im going with this, Ive got too many thoughts and I dont want to make this comment too long. But yeah, my comphet good girl persona was to be safe from heterosexuality for as long as I could in childhood, until I was doomed to live out the same situation as my mother being miserable (but with a lovely little daughter who made it all worth it). Gah, lovely video. Very inspiring 🫰✨️🎊🙌

[@rottingbride]

necesito una playlist de mas videos o una lista de enlaces con estudios que hablen de esto omg describió mi vida básicamente hgfgh

[@sadboy4945]

it was a really good video, you raised some really interesting points especially when talking about being born with a sexuality, I really liked this video and I'll be thinking about it for a wile! :)

[@papayapoe]

love this!

[@rebeccamajik3820]

this reminds me of diana from little witch academia ugh 😭😭

[@AC-dk4fp]

Great video. Catholicism and boarding schools are a massive part of Japanese girl's media, though the queer themes get more blatant when its male/male. I'm sure Olivia is an influence since there's a hyper-aesthetisation of Europe in Japanese queer media. Verena Maser's dissertation 'beautiful and innocent' is a good place to start (I found it via the citations for the 'Yuri' article on wikipedia. Yuri is the Japanese word for the flower representing the Madonna in Catholicism and is kind of a reclaimed slur in Japanese lesbian and bisexual comics). I'd love to hear your opinions on anime like Dear Brother or Maria-sama ga miteru. Yuri is My Job! is a much shorter and more recent pastiche of those. Its interesting that a woman would find Freud so sense making when he did most of his research with women patients. It does make me think how male led the anti-Freud backlash is.

[@ratumakae]

Are you in my walls? I feel so seen , i feel exposed im charging you for my therapy

[@narcolepsy437]

🔥🔥🔥 keep making videos lol I subbed “This video is sponsored by NO ONE” TELL EM!!!

[@cartoonhyperfixated]

Ur so underrated 😭😭😭 the moment abt u talking abt making our girl dolls kiss is so real, I had a Raven and Apple doll and I did that w/ them

[@DBurg.]

I liked the video definitely subscribing

[@Grell1122]

Freud was in Idiot

[@carebearblvnt]

Not all heterosexual woman center men around their lives. Woman, regardless of sexuality care about their career, their hobbies, interests. To say that all woman are just brainless boy loving robots unless they ever so happen to be attracted to women is so offensive. And lesbians themselves as well can often find themselves trying to appeal to men we hear and tall about comphet all the time bro. That is such a horrible take. It doesn't have to do with your sexuality, it has everything to do with the person you are and the culture you grew up in when it comes to your perspective on men. I know many straight women who are amazing hard working women who love and prioritize themselves without centering their lives around men (and yes, they can do this while also having a boyfriend) and on the other hand, I've known many woman who have talked about their experiences and struggles with comphet. Think first pls

[@carebearblvnt]

Basically sounds like you're saying only lesbians have life values 😭😭

[@LaLa-ig5jf]

Exactly I don't get how people make such brain rot statements without thinking them through

[@carebearblvnt]

​@@LaLa-ig5jfexactly

[@obliviate98]

This makes me think of Jackie from Yellowjackets

[@cass422]

i love your outfits 💞

[@MtvBreadstick]

This video is just great wow. The motherhood thing could be true but at least for me, i think the relationship withy mother mainly got worse because i know she isnt accepting and that resentment just kept build up. For the school thing, i am actually bad at school but i mostly want to succed to get the option to choose a uni in a big city with more wlw + black people (i live in europe ...). But i was more of an tombboy as a child. I want to be more femine now