Adastra: The Best Furry Visual Novel Made Me Come Out as Gay and Now You Have to Hear About It

[@haps1153]

I didn't get the "post Adastra depression" thing back then because I knew all the major plot points of the story while me and Howly were working on Adastra. I commend it to you because with thus essay I got to find out iconography and analogies that I never thought about, so it kinda felt like I myself was finally experiencing Adastra! I am so very happy and thankful for all the furry Fandom's love for our IP and even tho I don't reply to my @'s on twitter, I always check out every single Adastra fanart fans make. Either way, Amicus should be a bottom 24/7 and no I won't accept any counter arguments, good night!

[@Megaman-2407]

but he do be having the biggest sausage though although maybe he can be versatile? 😉

[@bask7580]

The final word!

[@haps1153]

@@Megaman-2407 canonicaly no. The biggest is the bear character from the midquel Interea

[@BoringKeith]

I was gonna say, there's an infograph and everything lol

[@FieryAnubis]

I dunno, he works great as a vers. Big kind guy being a bottom is sort of a cliche that I feel like this sort of game would subvert, along with the rest.

[@thynetruly]

Step 1. Beastars Step 2. Adastra Step 3. Gay

[@wolfuck]

are you me

[@redriot2115]

Personally, for me it was: Step 1. Gay Step 2. Beastars Step 3. Adastra Step 4. Furry

[@bodaciouskhajiit1135]

Mine went more like: 1. Gay. 2. Furry? 3. Furry.

[@furrymczplayer18]

Me but in the complete opposite way LMAOO

[@wolfnav21]

Add in furry after step two

[@antigone8367]

“I know you’re using this as background noise while you work on commissions” I HAD to laugh, while I’m literally drawing a catboy getting railed. Got ‘em Keith, thanks for another banger of an essay!

[@joshualeahy2162]

Oh 😳

[@joshualeahy2162]

Nya nya and all that business

[@BoringKeith]

Hope he had a good time lol

[@GuiSmith]

Railed by what, might I ask? 😆

[@net6403]

haha WHERE

[@zemineriver8043]

Can't wait to hear about gay furries for the first time ever, a subject I know nothing about

[@MaticTheProto]

Ikr? Imagine being one, haha C-couldn’t be me 👀

[@meganek0597]

Exactly, im interested in learning about them for the first time

[@duckhuntdynasty6562]

Oh wait I know you!

[@daveroll6463]

me too! i cant imagine ever being a furry, thatd be crazy

[@zemineriver8043]

@@duckhuntdynasty6562 you do?

[@hardcox420]

Imagine being like Marcos family, like you think he went missing and then he returns with space one day saying he married some furry alien emperor and he has a new world religion for everyone to fallow

[@enochgraham4957]

Yeah that would be rather difficult to digest

[@thedogefox8939]

And also a new throat after dying and coming back to life 💀

[@Zruvold]

Yeah, that's definately a universal thought​@@thedogefox8939

[@user-burner]

​@@thedogefox8939Twice

[@diamondknight8587]

I honestly wonder if he would just not tell anyone about what really happened until he completed his mission & Amicus comes back for him, because who’d believe him?

[@KikiDiki]

Not gay or a furry. But I love art, I love good story telling, and I love watching people talk for hours about fiction. I'm in the right place I think.

[@PropheticShadeZ]

the straights caught a couple strays in here, but i kinda get it, it reminds me of some of the better straight visual novels

[@TheSapphireLeo]

​​​@@PropheticShadeZBetter how? Not just because it is "straight", if not objective, but subjective to you?

[@BlinkyBopsB137]

I like that. I hate if when straight ppl will act like a little gay is going to ruin their entire experience of a piece of media just because they aren't the whole cast. So yeah.

[@Gurgashufa]

​​@@TheSapphireLeoI think they meant better as in "better among the straight novels" and not that "straight novels are better than queer ones"

[@Noah-lo9vb]

What did you think of the video?? I’m dying to hear

[@fernandorevilla3518]

"Marco died because he tried to fight a larger man and plot armour is for the straight" One of the best quotes in the video 2:20:30

[@starmantheta2028]

Honestly, no, it was never about plot armor. It was all about protest. Marco died because he put himself in danger for something bigger than himself. While his death is tragic, one should not forget that he just saved Amicus' ass (for, like, the third or fourth time now), saved Neferu, put a stop to Cato, and straight up prevented a war with Khemia. And he did all this by refusing to follow the rules. I'd say it was worth it.

[@MiiPunchy]

​@@starmantheta2028 you do know it was a joke quote right?

[@starmantheta2028]

@@MiiPunchy No, I didn't. How do you mean?

[@starmantheta2028]

@BloodyMary I mean yeah I understand that. I still don't get the joke here, if it is a joke. What does that have to do with the reason why Marco died?

[@starmantheta2028]

@BloodyMary So we're back to square one. Like I said, Marco didn't die because he was. He died because there was something important enough for him to risk his life for. Marco never had plot armor because he was never promised armor, and he didn't care. After all of all the symbolism, climax, and catharsis of the scene, the fact that Marco accomplished his goal and saved Amicus, Neferu, and Adastra as a whole, along with how many people were beaten, hosed down, arrested, and killed just so I can do something as simple as use the same bathroom as white people, having everything about this scene be reduced down to, "Marco died because he fought a bigger man, and plot armor is for straight people," leaves a really, really, really bad taste in my mouth. There's quite a few times in this video where if you go back and read the scene with the information that's been omitted (to be fair, you can't fit all the text of a hours long VN into a video essay) it drastically changes the context or interpretation. That's just the omission that irks me the most since it undermines what I consider to be one of if not the best scenes in the novel.

[@marchwhitlock6455]

OK, so fun thing about the term 'tail-raiser' that you would only know if you spoke Latin (because the Wolven language is meant to be very similar to Latin): it's a double entendre. The verb meaning 'to raise' in Latin is 'ērigere' from which we derive the word 'erect' (the resemblance is more direct in the participle form 'ērēctus') and an archaic term for a tail in Latin was 'pēnis' - which means that 'tail-raiser' also means 'penis-erector'. You're welcome.

[@fenrirswolh3]

*The More You Know*

[@joshualeahy2162]

I do be feeling rather *ērēctus* rn not gonna lie my boy. 💀🤙💯

[@fenrirswolh3]

@@joshualeahy2162 lmao!

[@BlueMiaou]

It explains why "queue" (tail) is another word for dick in french

[@dragames]

tail raiser has long since been a term used in furry media for being gay, it's existed even back in the early 90's with web zings like 'associated student bodies'. but, this VN may have intended the other entendre.

[@jacksquatt6082]

Fuck my life, everything here hit home to my heart from every direction. I am 44 years old, and only a small handful of people know I'm not straight. I keep saying "I'm bisexual, and hey, I can maybe find a nice girl to date," in the hopes of being able to stay hidden... and then I go to porn sites to look at gay men. I keep avoiding women and chatting with obviously flamboyant gay men, because that is the easiest thing to do. I find people who are already out and I talk and flirt with them in a noncommittal way, because it makes me feel normal and not afraid. And then I go back to living my life for a time. I drink myself stupid every night that I don't have to work the next day, because it numbs the pain of loneliness, in fact the only reason I am able to type this out is because I am drunk right now and your video struck a cord with me. I wonder if there is a certain age where all of this does not matter, because we get too old to change, and I hate that I might be beyond that point. I don't want to die in the closet, because it means dying alone and miserable, but I don't know any other way to live. But also, I'm not sure I can call this "living." There is no happy ending here, and I don't know if there ever will be. But I liked your insight and analysis of the visual novel. Thanks for making this video.

[@efgdelcatty]

Hey man, I know that this probably won't help, but I hope you're doing alright. I'm really sorry that life has been a dick to you, and I hope that you're happy and can be who you really want to be some day. Internalized homophobia fucking sucks. But it's really cool that you are who you are and you had the courage to come out to (I assume) that handful of people. 👍

[@viridianacortes9642]

Honey. I’m so sorry you are going through this. I hope you are doing better. It’s okay to be gay. Go and be free. You deserve to have love. True love. I wish you the best. I believe in you. I know you can do it.

[@laurelalloro]

There's no such thing as getting too old to change. I'm younger, but I know people your age, or even my age, that have given up entirely because that's what they think- that they're too old to change. At the same time, I know people even older than you (60's, 70's) who have been able to change and are happier for it. It's never too late, people just look for excuses not to fight for happiness because it's easier to give in than it is to fight a battle where the outcome is a mystery. You're not alone in this world mate, wishing you the best.

[@royfox2010]

You have to start somewhere! It's always the first step. You'll never be good at something right off the bat, it'll never be comfortable, easy, or maybe even painless, immediately, but the more you do it, the more it'll pay off! The easier it will get! You have to live in a way that you won't regret 💕

[@fikanera838]

Apart from coming out to that handful of people, you've also come out to at least 82 people here (the number of likes your comment has at the time of writing), & we've all got your back. Can you start by coming out to the camp people you meet, to get some validation before you tackle others? Whatever is your best way forward, this middle-aged bi-queer person will be thinking of you, & hoping that the bottle doesn't win every evening. Best wishes from Czechia xxx

[@Shade_sShadow]

I just love how the "parents" constantly take every chance they can to enfeeble every single one of the siblings and children. They treat them like babies and constantly ensure the galaxias need the parents and can't fight back.

[@Shade_sShadow]

Also this is literally the worst way to prepare anyone for a war. Especially a war with something that might be a eldritch horror.

[@ninaburt9269]

Your little tiny comment about sex-repulsed asexuals made me cry. I don't interact with much furry content because much of it has sexual undertones (and that's not a bad thing!) and I can't sit through that. I hardly can watch people kiss, especially if it's in a sexual setting. I don't see people too often validate how I feel and it was really nice to see that, even if it was just a little comment. Thank-You!!

[@Nikkiflausch]

I have a few ace friends and had two ace partners, one of which I'm still close friends with. If I've made one experience since I've started dating exclusively other queer people it's that there's _many_ more asexual folks out there than anyone suspects. They just all be hiding because SO much disbelief, denial, erasure, hostility and forced sexuality out there! 💜

[@AmicusAdastra]

Oh trust me sweetheart, asexual furries reading gay visual novels are way more commong than you think !

[@steampunk-llama]

As a fellow sex repulsed ace, you’re absolutely not alone!! I really enjoy sfw furry stuff since it lets me explore gender expression, and it’s also interesting navigating sex and romance since there’s a level of detachment in anthro stuff that doesn’t squick me out as much as human stuff

[@royfox2010]

I haven't watched the full video yet, but I've been sex repulsed ace my whole life. I've always been really into kink as a replacement for if, but it's definitely made my life difficult. You're not alone! I just got gender surgery and I'm already feeling better about my body, but doubtful I'll ever get into sex. I don't have the "kink" for it.

[@concavacatbc]

Im glad to see some more aces here. Idk sometimes it feels like im the only one, especially with my age, everyone else around me is extra into sexual things due to hormones. Im like literally the opposite of aro and my usual company often accidentally convinces me ill never find a partner

[@isabeldelucy3778]

Listen I didn't think I would relate to a game about gay furries as a lesbian, but appearently I do, I'm crying.

[@joshualeahy2162]

Sobbing 💀😭

[@AmicusAdastra]

I need to hear more about girls eeading Furry VNs i feel like it's rare

[@bluespectrum1348]

​@@AmicusAdastraI'm a girl and also a furry and we love the queer wolves lmfao! ❤😊

[@philippablenkey7744]

"Furry artists using this as background noise while working on commissions" literally give me a heart attack thinking I'm overtired and the video is speaking to me directly lol

[@Kyosumari]

He caught us all in 4k

[@indigothecat]

"Don't let yourself die in the closet," is going to stick with me for awhile. I've been more or less out since highschool, but found myself having to re-come out periodically with new people entering my life. It's absolutely true though. The more you do it, the easier it gets. Then again, I've been lucky and not experienced any direct bigotry (made sure to move to a very liberal area as an adult, as did my husband).

[@kyrathedragonshark5455]

I hope y'all are safe wish y'all the best of luck

[@skylarsolar893]

My grandpa had died in the closet, the family I asked and questioned on how they felt- some said "Imagine what that must be like.." and "It's a sin that he died that way" and etc.. What hurts is I didn't realize til the dead after he passed. Reading and playing Adastra it hurt to read at the end... I never knew why- I never knew why *this* game broke me. I had come out to my grandpa. And I felt safe- even if he hadn't to me he had his ways of hinting or telling me in the least. Weridly this game helps me realize that even if my grandpa hadn't spoken it, he had told me- through everything he did. How he accepted it- worried for me. Thank you Adastar. -Btw thank you for this anaylsis I'm fucking sobbing man-

[@donga9814]

Furry lol

[@skylarsolar893]

@@donga9814 Dude.

[@ineverunderstoodmaths1779]

@@skylarsolar893 did they get his body out of the closet?

[@Wizardfartart]

Dude Im sorry for these comments, thank you for sharing your story. It is important to bring light on such subjects too through the lives of others. We are not alone. My condolences on your loss

[@Wizardfartart]

Also love your Tsukasa pfp‼️

[@Bloodhoundbone]

As a gay trans man, adastra (along with other furry media) surprisingly made me feel really good about my body and myself. It made me feel like I belong, and that I deserve love regardless of my gayness or transness. It’s strange I know, but it really has helped me.

[@joshualeahy2162]

Ayyy rad. Happy to hear. Sure you fine af in heart and mind as well as in body. 👌 💘

[@funyarinpa9464]

When you talk about the law being rigged about gay people (and the LGBTQ community as a whole), you reminded me of a very controversial case that happened here in Spain. Just last year, a young gay man was killed by a group of people who were screaming slurs at him (the spanish equivalent of the f-word). And, for weeks, every time I turned on my TV, people were discussing if it was a homophobic murder or not. According to a staggering ammount of reporters and influential figures, it wasn't, because the killers didn't have a way to actually know if he was gay or not. And that slur is thrown around for a lot of reasons, so according to them it didn't specifically mean that they were being homophobic. It was horrible, and it proves that, even when there are laws in place to protect us, fascism always finds a way to twist logic and deny that homophobia actually exists. The system is so deeply rooted in bigotry that it can't protect us, even when efforts are made to change it.

[@BoringKeith]

Alternatively, here in the US countless queer folks have been murdered only for the killer to get off under the "queer panic defense," an absurd ruling that codified the idea that straight cis people just enter an uncontrollable blood rage when they find out someone is gay, and can't be blamed for their actions. People will just act like we're making this stuff up because it's easier than having to recognize how gross the world really is.

[@m00nrac00n]

Thats horrible. It should be the other way around: If you get attacked after being called homophobic slurs, it should automaticaly qualify as a targeted crime against marginalized people, even if you are actually straight and the attackers misjudged you. Being harmed for "Reading as Queer" should be reason enough.

[@jamueI]

​@@BoringKeithi actually can't belive this is real, this is some south park shht

[@austingriffith106]

I can’t believe the greatest piece of gay fiction is a furry visual novel

[@Yurothehotot]

You would be surprised at how many fantastic gay furry visual novels there are and most of them you can read for free.

[@joshualeahy2162]

@@Yurothehotot We spoilt fr, like a kid in a candy store out here can't complain. 😌

[@Megaman-2407]

@@Yurothehotot oooo recommend me some story

[@Yurothehotot]

@@Megaman-2407 Well you have any of the Echo project VN's (Echo, The Smoke Room, Arches, Glory Hounds, The Adastra midquil and sequel). Remember the Flowers, Minotaur Hotel, Password, Burrows. Plenty more but these are the best so far IMHO.

[@proc7386]

@@Yurothehotot I'd also like to recommend In Case of Emergency! It's a hillarious and clever vn that I really loved.

[@optimusprimal6155]

i started adastra with the intention of topping the wolf and when the choice came down to it i was in actual tears because i felt like i was experiencing all the culmination of their relationship - of amicus fully coming to trust marco. so like i saved, topped the wolf once for me and then bottomed once for canon.

[@sleepyghostx6835]

I'm litrally the opposite demographic for this story (non furry wlw) but the sunset scene still made me cry. the storytelling and your breakdown of it is absolutely amazing, thank you

[@Ars_Fabula_TTRPG]

I appreciate the “This is our space. You are a guest here” disclaimer. More queer creators need to set the expectation for non-queer viewers. Like ‘this isn’t for you, but you’re welcome to watch if you behave’

[@bushisback112]

Thats ridiculous. You don't believe in equality? Why is it okay to tell non queer people they don't belong? I don't think its okay either way but you clearly believe so.

[@Yasokiii]

​@@bushisback112 lol you literally missed the entire point nobody is saying "non queer people don't belong here" their saying "non queer assholes who are not respectful don't belong here" and it's right, this content is not aimed at a straight audience it's aimed at a queer audience and if you want to watch it then you have to accept it, most content in the world is aimed at straight people and queer people barely get a second thought, not everything is about you.

[@bushisback112]

@@Yasokiii "this isn't for you unless you behave" is not going to make anyone feel welcome regardless if they're queer or not

[@Yasokiii]

​@@bushisback112 of course your not allowed in a space unless you "behave" it's the same with other forums and discussions. If you can't agree to be respectful and willing to listen when entering a space created as a refuge for people of a certain group then no, of course nobody from that community is going to want you there, your intruding into their space a place of refuge and comfort and safety for them and imposing your wills and beliefs. But if you are nice, open minded and respectful then of course you would be more than welcome to engage within that space.

[@AmicusAdastra]

@@Yasokiii and if some queer peeps from their private space doesn't behave ?

[@eseehcrosicco]

Fun fact... This video inspired me to come out as bisexual to my friends and i think it went pretty well :)

[@hannahmetzger6622]

Eeehhh, fellow bisexual disaster here!! :3.

[@flamemix2320]

Congrats!

[@lDXplays]

congrats! makes me really happy for you!

[@sketch-eee4165]

Very late but congratulations!

[@MikroGoat]

I'm really really happy my comic (Spotting Basil) was mentioned. Thank you for that and name dropping a lot of the other comics as well! I can't speak for others, but for myself, it feels like screaming into the void and I'm really glad to have had a youtuber such as yourself actually shout us out on your platform. Thank you.

[@BoringKeith]

I was hooked pretty quickly, with the messy characters, and a protagonist that's struggling to see himself as desirable. And because the fandom is both huge and tiny, we have a mutual friend that helps keep it in mind.

[@Androecian]

10:30 I have to say, Keith, I am absolutely floored by your delivery of Amicus's speaking cadence. I played the game as it is, with no voices but what I imagined as I read spoken lines, but you did an incredible job and you have hooked me on watching your narrated playthrough :D

[@memyself9854]

I really loved the "there's never a right moment", I've known it would be perfectly safe to come out for a while now, but I kept waiting for the perfect moment until now. I've officially come out at a very wrong time but I don't regret it at all, it went just as good as I knew it would go and I feel amazing!

[@toastedringtail]

you can feel keith collapse past the finish line at the end of this video lol. what a herculean effort. having been behind the scenes on this for months, it's incredible to actually see it come together. thanks to everyone for being here for it! see you at MFF if you're going, since we are!

[@kankankankankankankan]

I'm not a furry nor a gay man but man the writing in this is really something, gives me a whole new appreciation for the furry fandom

[@illusorywall]

I've mentioned this before, but for the sake of the comments section- It was your playthrough of Ad Astra that sent me down the rabbit hole of furry VNs, something I previously had no familiarity with. Now I've binged Ad Astra, Echo, most of what exists in the Echo universe thus far, and a couple others. So, thanks for that! I can't watch the whole video now but I look forward to checking out it later. Safe travels!

[@BoringKeith]

Time to furry-pill the dark souls youtube community.

[@KurosakiYukigo]

Wait, you're *that* Illusory Wall? The one Grayfruit talks about all the time? On a video about gay furry VNs? What world did I wake up in?

[@Yesnomu]

Dang, awesome to see you here! Love your videos and you clearly have some good taste. :D

[@bravebiird]

dark souls fans and gay furries are a venn diagram with lots of overlap~

[@idlingabout6128]

God... this video... this has made me cry the hardest ever since i told my parents some months ago that i dont identify as a woman anymore and having them completely reject me and my journey, ive been going through so much self doubt and uncertainty.... i just wanna be happy man...

[@finnalexmejia9179]

Hey, this comment is old at this point but I’m a trans man who came out recently and got rejected by pretty much everyone, it was bad for a really long time, but eventually it got considerably better, nowadays I’m much happier and people who really care accept me for who i am. If it helps at all, i accept you, whoever and whatever you identify with i’m proud of you without even knowing you, because you deserve that respect and you’ve earned it. I’m very proud of who you are and i hope you find the happiness you deserve!

[@oborohzmn]

I waited until 28 years old and it was a huge regret of mine, got married to a woman for 6 years and that ended up solidifying that I needed to try something new. So a year after our divorce I decided to try pursuing a relationship with a man. I've learned that relationships are relationships and honestly pursue what makes you happy in the end.

[@fakeAtlas6080]

as a cat furry seeing Alexios go from being a pet (something that is innately intresting to me) to being a lover (something that is even more so interesting) TO BEING A FUCKING SPY...... I actually cried for a week straight no joke.

[@felispolyglottos]

GOD SAME

[@adquadratumperedo3210]

Yes, I didn't wanted to him to be bad, the evil. It's sucks QwQ

[@ConvincingPeople]

@@adquadratumperedo3210 "Evil" is a strong word. Alexios is a bad person, but he's a very real and, in some sense, very mundane sort of bad person, and not devoid of redeeming qualities.

[@HMed018]

Even if he wrecked a train at full speed on regards. By basically firing upwards Cato's true intentions, getting Cassius poisoned, Neferu almost executed, Amicus imprisoned, Virginia forced to marry the guy who backstabbed his family. All together to a massive purge-like scenario on Adastra... Lucky him I just wish him that EVERY TIME he goes to the bathroom, he has nothing to clean himself afterwards

[@tteoke]

hvfjhfhtgj yea,,

[@anagabrieltrevino5439]

I am so queer and and so sad. I have been struggling to find meaning in any of life. For most of my life, I have been struggling to make the choice every day to keep living. It seems like everything hurts. Like none of the choices I have are meaningful. Today I told my therapist that all I want is to stop hurting. Today I had a rough time. Today I watched this video. It made my cry. And it made me feel like the weight of the world was *not* on me alone. Like I'm not the only one carrying it. Thank you.

[@griffinham]

Thanks for sharing and speaking up. It means a lot!

[@DasHeino2010]

Dont be like me! Be better!

[@GeekyKiko]

While the times may seem rough you can always push through! Your not alone :)

[@typaul4859]

I don’t know how much this means from a stranger from the internet but… love you :) and thank you so much for sharing

[@collinforbleach3780]

As a guest to your community/fandom, I’d just like to say you’ve written one of the best video essays I’ve seen all year and illuminated the tragedy that looms over the queer experience. To at least one outsider, you’ve leaped over the building-sized hurdle of the “gay furry” stigma that proliferates itself across the internet. Thank you so much for putting in the time, effort, and sincerity to make this resonate with a 20 something straight guy. I’m sure to your audience it means the world.

[@tikki2340]

You’re so real for this bro

[@xann2681]

I have not told a single soul any deeper thought in my mind that wasnt just hollow common stuff for many years due to fear caused by the shaming of other people alike me around me, i've cried multiple times during this video to the things you were describing and made me feel understood, thank you

[@Riz_fad]

WAIT SO IM NOT THE ONLY ONE FEELING THE POST ADASTRA DEPRESSION THING?! I just turned 18 (last month) and Adastra was my top “Have to play when i turn 18” and i finished it in like less than a week, i dont know what it is that made me love it so much but it made me also realize that im Gay and i cant deny it anymore. Now im kinda struggling with my mental health but its nice to just see TheEcho project here and there since it remind me of that feeling i had when i played Adastra. Im still kinda feel left out cause i had only played the game now and i feel like i missed the hype train but it also motivates me to start drawing again after i had artblock for almost 3 years and losing my artistic touch. All i can say is i love TheEcho team so much for their work and now i wanna reach out to more furries and make more furry friends.

[@neshkun5150]

Bro no cap, I download it Adastra at the beginning of the pandemic thinking it was going to be a fun past time because “ha ha it’s a furry visual novel with sex in it“. Little did I know the absolute mind boggling emotional story was about to unfold in front of me and make me cry for days. 😭😭😭

[@joshualeahy2162]

S*x n suffering my kinda party! 😭

[@xaarxncx]

i remember reading it during zoom classes literally sobbing bc i needed to know what happened next

[@atotalsham7784]

I collided with Adastra by accident on KZbin (Thank you Blaidd), and it genuinely made me feel in a way no other media had ever done. I still can't listen to the ending music without sobbing, and no other movie, straight or gay ever made me feel. It made me want to write a queer story just because of how GOOD it was. It was a relationship, bad and good. It just happens to have muscle Beastmen, and political horror along side scenes that make me feel warm and fuzzy inside. Even other queer people seem weirded out by my recommendations of it because it's furry. People are just afraid of the label. But I gave it a chance, and it was the best story I ever had. Give weird things a chance. They can turn out wondrous.

[@ConvincingPeople]

To paraphrase a Twine piece from a few years ago, everyone's a furry in 2022. It just might take them a little while to admit it. (Also Blaidd my beloved.

[@blueismefavoritecolor8860]

Blaidd was also how I found Adastra, he makes REALLY good content

[@idk-ye7ur]

Beastars was nice, but idk about this one, what's the core theme? What's so great about this?

[@spamton4112]

Yes shout out to Blaid

[@EveryDayALittleDeath]

The bit about how male straightness feels like a performance resonated with me in a way I didn't expect. I came out as a lesbian just before I turned sixteen. After four-ish years of denial and repression, I finally took a look at myself and realized "Yeah. I'm gay." And after that happened I didn't want to spend another second in the closet. So when I started at an alternative school that October, I was very open about it. But the student body was overwhelmingly male, out of about 120 students, there were maybe 7 girls, myself included. So I was kind of adopted as "one of the boys" despite not being at all butch. (Honestly this probably should have made me realize some things about my gender, but I'd never even heard the term nonbinary, much less knew what it meant so I'm giving myself a pass there) I remember a few weeks in, one of the TAs came in to give the guy sitting next to me a talking-to. She just walked over to his desk and, I don't even know what she was talking about because her butt was level with my face. I remember staring for a second and then firmly forcing myself to put my head down on my desk. Another guy who was quickly becoming my best friend there later said, "I saw you in science earlier. What kind of lesbian are you?" And I responded "The kind who doesn't want to get caught ogling a teacher when I haven't even been here a month!" He thought about that for a second and said "Yeah, that's fair." But the fact that he had to think about it makes me think there's definitely a performative aspect to male straightness, because he noticed and wondered why I wasn't performing my attraction to women the same way.

[@southernpennsyrailfan8579]

I don’t know how to explain this. I never thought I would actually be saying this. Not yesterday, not a week ago. Not ever. However, I just finished reading Adastra, and I've never felt so Emotionally touched by a story until now. I am going to be 100% Honest. I have never cried so hard over two fictional characters before, Not even after watching Titanic. But this story Broke me. I didnt realize I was actually crying until I was outright sobbing. This story rocked me to my core. My heart still aches even after typing all this out. Some People will say, "It's Just a Game/Visual Novel!" No. It's Not "Just a Game!" It's more than that. It's an experience. Yeah, that's right. This Railfan read a "Gay Furry Visual Novel" and it made me cry Not Once, Not Twice! But 3 Times! Thank you for reading.

[@pebbletrees]

I have no idea why I decided to watch this -- I clicked on the video because I needed something to listen to while drawing - but it's being an insightful experience I'm glad to be having! I'd never seen your content before and am surprised by how much I like your voice, your opinions and your analyses on multiple things you've touched on this video. I love it when people take the time to appreciate and analyze art this passionately. Hoping your channel gets bigger!

[@milof.4703]

Honestly, the fandom, and these games saved my life. Growing up in Suburban, then rural Utah, I felt absolutely alone to the point where I thought I was in a simulation. Having media that I could connect with, helped me imagine a future I could be happy in and hang on until I was able to make it out on my own. Beautiful video

[@Julia.diesesfelderforderlich]

I'm unsure, what to say. Since I watched your beastars video, I have my phone remind me once a week, that "if I wait for the world to feel ready for me, I'll die in the closet" my closet is a very different one, so I'm doing it privately (no-one has to know), because I don't want to take away someone else's term/word. But in the way of keeping a secret and not living as myself, I'm living in a closet. Less and less so, but it's hard. I just wanted to thank you for giving me words I can tell myself, when all I want to do is hide. Because people scare me and because I feel like what I do doesn't matter. But it does. I'm 40, I'm female, I'm too loud, not to be seen. And a surprising amount of kids look up to me, once they meet me. And if they are like me, and see me hide, I'll be one more bad example. One more reminder, that it's not ok to be themselves. I still hide. But less so. Thank you. (PS: This was hard to write and hard to post. I don't like to be seen.)

[@toastedringtail]

Thank you for speaking up!

[@Nikkiflausch]

A common phrase in the queer community is "Oh, the eternal struggle of being seen", said after a moment where someone "reads"/clocks/understands you much better than you thought would or should be possible. I haven't hear non-queers say anything like this, ever. Queers are just better at looking deeper into our peers and recognizing deep struggles we see in ourselves in ours, but we're also used to hostility, isolation and alienation, partly specifically because these struggles, so having them be seen is inherently scary - at the same time, being seen is, when it's genuine, consensual, happening from a good person and rewarded by accommodation, an amazing thing you realize you need much more in your life once it starts happening once or twice. It still feels scary for a very long time, maybe forever. But it will always be a fundamentally good thing - if it gets abused, that's on the abusive person! What I'm trying to say is: Welcome to the club. This is how things work around here. 💖💜💙

[@RorschachRaccoon]

I chose to reject the parents during my first play through and my feelings have never been so attacked. Having experienced both Adastra and Echo, I'm jealous of how effective Howly is such an effective writer. Reading each visual novel grips my emotions in ways no other story in media has. I have felt genuine fear of/sadness for characters who don't exist, something I usually don't do. This is something I can only hope to replicate in my own novels.

[@arielhansen7668]

The thing about losing your twenties really resonated with me. I didnt realize I was trans until I was almost 29, and since then I’ve been… waiting until I pass or at least not so obviously *not* pass for… coming up on three years now. I feel like I lost the whole of my teenage years and my twenties, which combines poorly with my internalized misogyny which says that those are the ages in which I, as a woman, would have been most… valuable, I guess. The thing about not waiting really hit home with me. I’ve been waiting for three years now, but I’m honestly not sure how to stop. I was hopeful when I started all this, but most of that hope has died as my transition has changed nothing at all. Anyways, sorry to dump all this in your comment section like this. Thanks for both of your videos, I liked them a lot. I’m so happy this video game helped you come out, that’s so great, and your beastars video was also super great

[@bizyinatizzy9259]

The way you spoke to the non furries (me) so directly in the beginning sent fear through my lurker soul lmao... five minutes in and it's already looking great :)

[@bizyinatizzy9259]

nevermind, your pitch of the game was so good that i don't want to spoil it for myself. perhaps i will be back

[@help.mp3501]

​@@bizyinatizzy9259how has it been?

[@spooksdraws]

It's been two weeks and this video is still on my mind. I've been struggling to find the courage to come out as trans to the people around me. Only a handful know. And for me it's less the fear of rejection and more that it's just hard for me to take the leap of faith. Every day I've been thinking about this video and about the story of the game and what I took from it. And it definitely has given me another perspective to the question of coming out at all. I want to be free and be myself even if people won't be supportive. I want to be authentically happy as myself and not someone else I pretend to be. I'll come back to this video when I do it. When I did the scary thing of letting my family in by letting them know, when I finally get to hang up the pride flag I bought myself this summer. Until then, genuinely thank you for making this video.

[@spooksdraws]

I did it! It went amazingly and I'm so happy.

[@zeckma]

@@spooksdraws I'm proud of you!

[@nickieroonie]

Your video showed up on my Twitter and was gonna be background noise while I worked. Very early into the video I ended up pausing it because I decided I wanted to play the game first. Like you said, nobody has to know. Around 4 days later I had finished both the game and your video, and came all the way out to my best friend. It was an unfathomable emotional release. I'm 33 years old. I'm deeply sad that I've waited this long, but happy that I made it. Thanks so much for this video. P.S. my (cis, straight, non-furry) friend was absolutely loving and supportive and I couldn't be happier with the result.

[@Zanerus]

My horror story is Pulse. I lived fifteen minutes away, and I had considered going that night. I'm happy I didn't for obvious reasons but I can't lie and say it didn't reinvite my own personal trauma with being held at gunpoint at my first job. This entire two weeks I have been protesting to my job about us not saying anything to our LGBT staff about what happened at Colorado.

[@valtteripennanen4043]

Clichée coment warning: People don't understand how serious the consequences are for the victims of gunpoint, especially those who have previous undealt trauma neither as a victim of religious abuse (thus internalised homophobia and closeted queer status) nor as a victim of gun-related violence. The United States is the prime example where gun laws and religious abuse are at their worst. The riots, the riots like January 6th, are really conservative because of Trump and partly because of Nixon. Religious and political conservatism has been on the rise and it really damages the reputation of the people who are liberal and belong to the queer community. This is why the separation of Church and State is highly beneficial because then religion has a lower amount of influence on politics. And the gun laws as well. They're a huge issue since background checks aren't done in every case when a person wants to buy a potentially extra deadly weapon. For example, most European countries, especially northern European countries have really good gun laws. Education is also a good thing to stop gun violence. I know this might sound like some communist propaganda to the more conservative people, but Secondthought has made good videos on these aforementioned topics of controversy. I'm sorry that you had to go through such things in your life.

[@SpiceFox]

This video just became more relevant than ever. Thank you for making this and sharing it with the world.

[@3heads0thoughts]

I guess I am obligated to reply to this essay, because I have never experienced Adastra, and your essay did make me cry, but for a reason I don't think you expected. For context, I should start at the beginning. In the interest of time, I'll at least keep it brief. I was born to a bipolar disaster of a father and a delightful, if somewhat unwilling, mother. My dad was under control for most of my life (he had a job, so I barely spent any time with him, to the point I felt strain and thought my parents' relationship problems fell on me during a vacation with them - looking back on it, I just didn't see it at home because I rarely saw them interact). The relationship was never abusive, or anything, but my dad had a way of burning through my mother's time and patience in a way I hated as a child. They had me and my brother, me first - well after when they were done being wild 20 and even 30 somethings. My mother's had her 50th birthday just about every year of my life since I started asking. Well. There's this old superstition that if you have two kids, one'll be like the mom, the other like the dad. Dunno if it's true (or even if it's a saying beyond my family), but it was apt. It took me until I was almost out of high school to realize, but, well. Once my little brother hit puberty, it was readily apparent. I was much bigger than him (nearly 6 ft compared to something like 5'6"). I had a very hot and cold personality, sometimes wild and naive, sometimes cold and secluded. My little brother was very fixated on having good relationships with people, to the point of mending things when he could. I was diagnosed with bipolar after starting college for compsci. That was a fun thing to learn - yup, sure did take after my dad! After spending so much time resenting the way he behaved, treated my family, everything - yup! I was basically a carbon copy of him in most of the important ways. I didn't learn until college, either, that my dad used to have my type of bipolar (bipolar II), but after 5 days of not sleeping, had a psychotic break that made him develop into being bipolar I. My extended family reassuring me that he used to be brilliant before this just made me feel even worse, like i was under constant threat of having a bout of insomnia break me until I could randomly fall completely out of touch with reality on a dime. It would be nice if bipolar was all I had. I'm (from my own experience) medication resistant, and (diagnosed) have ADHD. I started college with the intent to be out and proud from the beginning. My parents had put me in local Christian schools for most of my life, and while everyone identified me as the weird one, people were still very kind to me. I didn't have a lot of problems. I did a lot of stupid things, but manic decisions and ADHD impulsiveness mixed with naivete will do that to you, I think. In the end, I should also mention I had a very strong feeling of rejection-sensitive dysphoria - I had mostly dealt with it in online chatrooms back when I was an idiot teenager trying to RP smut because I had nothing better to do, but in college, that shit was still strong. I got over it (I thought, back then) through hookups. Not very smart ones. I think I just used OKCupid? So much of my life back then is a blur. The ADHD got me to do stupid shit like hyperfixate, and then I would deal with manic feelings that made it difficult to sleep when I wanted to. But I managed, I guess. Sucked some dicks, and stuff. They were all flings to me, and the ones I tried to take seriously ghosted me, because I was completely overwhelming as a person. I'd send like 3-5 long messages, just saying what I thought, and then not knowing how to deal with empty air. I've gotten better, I think, but not better enough to refrain from posting my own essay of my life on a KZbin comment on a 3 month old video, huh? During all this, I made some friends, kind of just coasted through life. I was bullied into my first more serious relationship, during which my social circle collapsed. I won't go into a ton of detail here, but let's just say this relationship was a complete piece of work. I knew (even then) I shouldn't be in a relationship, let him push me into it anyway, and spent a year+ of my life just being the sort of himbo you'd never want to actually date. Forget things I was told not to do just to do them 5 minutes later on reflex. That kind of shit. My partner was also a shitty person but I don't even need to get into it - I hated myself in that relationship as much as I hated him. And when I broke up with him, he sort of took my entire social life in college with him (as most of my friends wanted to stay friends with him, and I wanted nothing more to do with them.) I have written these 6 previous paragraphs to set up some context here: After that relationship, I felt like I was my father. I felt broken in a way I didn't fully understand, and worse, wasn't sure I could ever fix. I didn't know how to find people who wanted me or could handle me. I didn't even know if I wanted to make people deal with me like that. I met a guy through the collapse of my FC that eventually expressed I was the reason he figured out he wasn't straight, and wanted to date me, but in all honesty, I tried to have my cake and eat it too - told him I wasn't ready to be in a relationship, but y'know, if I ever did, he'd be the first to know. You know. Like an ahole, leading on someone who I should have encouraged to do stuff and be happy without me. I wanted to basically be FWB but not put the label on it, because I knew I shouldn't, but I couldn't accept that I shouldn't. It sucked to feel like I couldn't be happy with someone else. Obviously, none of that went well. I hurt him just by doing that in a way it hurts me to remember. I regret that so much - we're on good terms now, but I spent years giving him much needed distance. I called off relationships for about 6 years after that. I had flings. I had hopes. I had friends. I never once let myself dip into relationship turf. Because, well, that was it, you know? Last time I'd even let myself think about that kind of thing, I really, really fcked someone up. I had to hold myself to a standard of when I'd be ready. Last year, around Christmastime, I met someone who - while undiagnosed, talked like me. Acted like me. I don't want to say I can diagnose people, but I discussed his mental state and I felt confident he was managing some similar things to me. ADHD at minimum. Probably also bipolar. He lived near me, and - after a FWB I had made me feel intensely unwanted while sleeping in my bed - I made plans to just drive out to see him the next day. We hit it off immediately - he was a joy for me to be around. It made me happy to be with him. I felt like I had met someone who could understand me in a way nobody else could, which I had desperately wanted. So... like you mentioned, I felt like I had found my only chance to be happy. Someone with a mental state like mine, who could keep up with me, who enjoyed the same things I did, and wanted to spend time with me. It was completely coincidental, a total accident of happenstance, but it felt like I had just had my One served to me on a silver platter. It was a 3 hour drive to see him, but I went. I had a great time. I remember crying in his bed the second time we got together - I couldn't place why at the time, but in retrospect, I think I felt seen in a way nobody had ever seen me. The way he reassured me and held me was emotionally something I still struggle to process. Remembering it still makes me cry, and I don't know why.

[@3heads0thoughts]

But, y'know, monkey's paw curls. He was incredibly sexual, but was convinced that he was forever unfckable without a condom due to some skin condition STD I don't even remember the name of. I did research, and it turned out that the skin condition apparently randomly heals over the course of months/years, and is no longer transmissable. The problem is that I would be the top. Which I wanted to be. I will be honest with you, random stranger reading this 3am nightmare of an essay, I wanted to fck the brains out of that man. But I've always had issues... ahem, "keeping it up". I wanted to try and make it so that could happen, and to that end, I had him stay with me for almost an entire month. You can probably guess where this is going. No matter how long I stretched out the time I had him, I never felt like it would happen. He got injured several times (usually slipping on something and hurting himself somehow - he went downstairs to get a hot pocket while I was in bed, asleep, and managed to seriously just fall down the stairs, land on the tile belly-first, and crawl his way to the carpet before his legs assisted in getting him back standing up). When I did come onto him, I miscommunicated or failed to communicate well. We'd only known each other since that Christmas. It was my birthday month, but it was only a few months later. We tried to make things work, but things got in the way. When we were driving him home after the month was up, I tried to talk with him, but there was a distance there. I couldn't talk with him in the ways I wanted to. I was desperate to have a conversation with him - a real one about mutual interests we'd tried to kindle - but he just... wasn't having it. His responses were hurtful, sometimes even accusatory, in a way I struggled to understand or deal with. After spending time at his place for a day, I went home, feeling deeply anxious. To resolve the tension, I spent time with a FWB. We didn't do anything serious, for the record. This was perfectly OK in terms of the relationship as long as we discussed & OKed it, but I hadn't brought up to my BF that anything past hanging out might happen - in all honesty, at the time, I didn't think it would, but I was intensely stressed. I don't know if that's justified - but, well, you can probably see where this is going. An interrogation about how the FWB hangout went evolved into a self-justifying fight. All I wanted was for us to be alright. A few days after our argument, he broke it off with me. I couldn't do anything but accept - even if I tried to argue for us to keep trying, I saw the writing on the wall. Even if I wanted us to be together, he felt differently. He'd felt differently since the drive home. And something about that crushed me even more deeply. I made gestures like it was fine, even after, and I even talked him through all of it in post - he hadn't been trying to be self-aware of his feelings, and had basically broken up with me on his own intense RSD-fueled feeling that I had no sexual interest in him. But the trust was gone. We've never had conversations like we used to have. There's a distance between us that has reduced us to being like anyone else. I still have trouble convincing myself that I am not doomed to be alone forever. I live in one of those states where, ultimately, its politics means all my g-y friends are just leaving. Going to more productive cities, where they have friends, and opportunities, and won't necessarily be persecuted for who they are. And I recognize that I am twelve different kinds of f-cked up - I'm intelligent as much as I am a dumb-ss. I'm confused as much as I am coherent. I must get my self in order before anyone could ever love me, because without order, I'm just either depressed or overwhelming. Just being better than my dad doesn't mean I'm good. You identified the parts of me that really hurt, lately, in a way I don't think you intended to. It's so easy to give in to the idea this is your only chance to be happy. It's so easy to give in to the idea that everything aligns in that way that feels good, even as it all falls apart and turns to ash in your mouth. And it is so easy to futilely waste all of your time, fail to adapt, and then lose everything anyway. I don't really know what I want anymore. I spend days seeking human interaction, almost begging for it, because I want something to fill time until I finally put my shit together and become better. When I try and self-start, it's bipolar lotto to figure out if I'm deeply depressed or not that day. But even setting that aside, when I get better, will I actually know what to do then? If I spend all my time until I'm 30 working hard to put myself together, will anyone want the me that I become then? Even if I look shiny and well put together, will I ever be able to get support from someone who truly understands me? And will I deserve it, then? I don't know. All at once, this specific essay is overwhelming because it describes things I want so tangibly I can taste them. An evening with my significant other and I, sitting on some isolated beach after plans have gone totally awry, just. Talking in that familiar way where you just want to be with them until the last speck of light in the sky is gone. Knowing I'm with someone not because of some feeling of flash-in-the-pan "this is my one taste at happiness", but because we do truly click. The sensation of having someone who I would die for, again and again, just because I know they want me so badly it honestly hurts. And it isn't calling out to the loneliness in me in the way many essays try to, but that specific hurt. Those specific feelings. Thank you for helping me process this. I don't know how long I'll leave this comment up, but I want to leave it for a little while. Even as someone who was out from the very beginning of my adult life, I want to say that you shouldn't regret waiting so long to come out. Just because being closeted feels like it closes you off from opportunities doesn't mean that it does. There is so much more to it. Have a good night.

[@TeaSunny]

I, a lesbian, now want to read these gay furry VNs for myself even so. I think you did a fantastic job sharing the joy and experiences you found in them if I'm interested. Also, algorithm!

[@KitKat-sv9qp]

as someone who is VERY MUCH not the intended audience of this video lmao (not a furry, gay, male, not into VN nor interested in romance) this was INCREDIBLY GRIPPING??? like wow your storytelling ability is off the charts! i was incredibly invested, and despite being unable to relate somewhat with these experiences i still felt a lot of sadness and empathy for it, srsly this is an amazing video tysm for making it

[@spgdedchannelrip4781]

I'm on the same page too (well... apart from the furry part, I'm a furry lmao). At first, i saw this wolf around the internet (mostly fanart) and i was very confused why he was that loved. And i was lazy to do my research atm, so i didn't bother. Well... Intil yesterday. I found this video and got curious and honestly... Wow, that's a moving game. I am a person who is emotional and movies and games do move me, but this game is quite different. Again, i ain't a gay or lgbtq related and I'm not a fan of nsfw or adult content tbh, but the game makes me feel empathetic and sad about the characters. I'm amazed really, how the reviewer and this game puts you in their shoes (at least that's what i felt). But it's just how i felt it i guess. Sorry for the long comment.

[@ethralknight]

I came out when I was 18, and at 32 as of Sunday I'm still waiting for my happy ending. Sometimes you gotta keep waiting and sometimes it never comes. But coming out was still one of the best things I've done. I loved your video, very well done and I've got a new game to play I see. The message at the end about not dying in a closet was just so powerful. I hope all our brothers, sisters and NB siblings can if they are safe to do so. Life is to short to suffer alone like that, lets all suffer together. Looking forward to your next video sir!

[@DarkSoulsSauron]

so i've had this stuck in my Watch Later for a year because i kept putting off playing Adastra. It blew up RIGHT as i was starting to transition and i was afraid the forced male perspective would induce dysphoria. Now that i've played it, i'm here for your video, Marrow! Can't wait. for transfemmes who maybe had the same hesitations i did, i gotta say i had a great time. the fact that Marco is cis gay and male TEXTUALLY matters to the story and the setting, but also the integration of their POV was done in such an elegant way. Despite getting He/Him'd pretty regularly, it wasn't intrusive at all.

[@DarkSoulsSauron]

finished your essay... dear god, that final message. I STG Marrow you can't rip my heart out like that right after Howly just did it to me.

[@VampireDawg]

1:20:18 this actually makes me relate to all of my past boyfriends, I really felt shameful for being gay but seeing how forms of art can be so fanciful and yet so realistic really makes me happy

[@cementmilkshake]

Not only did I never think I’d cry over an adult furry visual novel, but I never thought I’d proceeded to watch a full-length film about said visual novel and cry all over again! By the time I watched your play-through of Ad Astra I had already been out for a couple years, yet this was the first piece of media I’ve consumed that really resonated with me as a gay man, the second closest probably being The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller. Every episode of your series was both a gut punch and the laughter I so desperately needed and that point in my life. That sense of loneliness, of never being someone else’s other person, that’s where Ad Astra absolutely dug it’s claws into me, pun intended, and you putting that into words hit so hard. I may have been out already, but your willingness to talk about your own coming out experience and all the complicated emotions that entails meant so much to me. Thank you so much for a wonderful series and an amazing video essay, can’t wait to see what’s in store for the future of you and this channel!

[@wrequiem4650]

Someone in the echo project discord said that this completely recontextualized the story for them, and I thought "No way," but framing it as a "reverse visual novel" definitely gives me an excuse to replay it lol

[@amexicanfox4384]

This vn hit me hard. I am self aware in the sense that I don’t have the best looks, the most charismatic personality, or any special traits. So when I read this story where an influential being desired romance with me but was somewhere in the galaxy and not on my own planet with 8 billion people, it made me euphoric and melancholic at the same time. But what hurt even more is that as I was finishing the story, I realized that I wouldn’t be able to continue my relationship with this being; being cuddled, praised, feeling loved. I reached the credits and realized that I was back to my lonely life, without a big dumb wolf there to embrace me and reassure me, and that hurt my heart. Adastra is a beautiful story that gives the reader love and trust. If I wanted, I could go back and replay it; but the raw emotional impact it had on me the first time I did will never come back to me, and it crushes me. If you are contemplating playing Adastra, I strongly recommend you to talk with a friend or family member, strengthen your bond, because before you know it you’re back to a sad reality. Thanks for coming to my TedTalk

[@bescotdude9121]

I think that what you dealt with after finishing adastra is a well documented condition known as post adastra depression or PAD for short

[@bale5482]

never did i think i would be sitting here, for 3 hours, watching a man talk about furry sex novel, good use of my time would rewatch again

[@elaimaro122]

Thanks for sharing this deeply personal story. Can't really understate the importance of Stories like this in many people's lifes. Though less dramatically, something similar happened to me with Hollow Knight. Game freaking changed my life even though there's was close to nothing that specific to my struggles, and yet. Spoilers for the game ahead, but the simple fact of curtain characters being canonically genderless just hit me then in a very weird way, I kept wondering why it felt so personal when ppl disrespect these fictional characters? And then I got to the Void Heart bit, and it hit me like a truck in so many ways. The themes of expectations, the generational trauma, the inherited responsibility you never asked for, and the tragedy of self acceptance after being denied just... being. And the almost spiteful self declaration, the refusal of the call, embracing oneself against all odds, and coming back stronger for it... So many things just clicked to me, as nonbinary, as neurodivergent, gave me so much tragic joy it's almost sickening, but it was so formative.

[@SulMatul]

I’m really damn glad I finally finished this second part of the Gay Furry Coming Out Duology, this was just.. really meaningful to see. Thank you.

[@fauxlyy]

I just want to thank you for doing this, both the video essay and your playthroughs of Adastra and Echo. When I first played these games, I felt like I was going insane with how little discussion I could find about them. Like all of it was buried away in twitter threads and discord servers. Getting to hear someone analyze and pick apart both these games is fucking awesome and I really hope you continue to play through and make video essays for other furry VNs in the future (if you want to). Also, there's something so crazy and nice about a youtuber I've watched coming out not only as gay, not only as furry, but even is into the same stuff I am. So many times you reference stuff in your let's plays and it feels like you're literally targeting me directly. Fox in the stable is one, and so are all the times you've mentioned twitter artists I follow. Even today on your twitter, you talked about how you're going to play Clawstar Wrestling and how you've been following it's development like I was, and I got whiplash cause I realized you and I are apart of the same 10k people who've downloaded the game. It's just so cool that a youtuber with like 110k subscribers is in the same very small niche I am. It's a kind of representation I've never really had before.

[@toastedringtail]

Really makes it feel like a community with a shared culture in a lot of ways.

[@BoringKeith]

Clawstar was neat, for what it was. Absolutely insane project for someone to pull off in only a month.

[@inanimatepenny4686]

It's kind of embarrassing to admit but I have like a specific save for the amicus cri scene so whenever I feel bad I can just open the game and have a good cry (preferably accompanied by ice cream)

[@B_Skizzle]

I’ve gone back to that episode of Keith's playthrough a few times for the same reason. The way he struggles to get through it makes the scene even more upsetting.

[@shadou1234567]

Catarsis is good. Crying in a safe space is good for you, i have especific sad movies to watch when i really need to cry and cant bring myself to cry by myself. Whod fought being safely vulnerable and crying makes wonders to mental health

[@sciron524]

I usually don’t comment on videos, because I feel that I never have anything to add to the conversation and that goes double for videos where I’m “late to the party” because the creator has most likely moved on to newer projects. But this video is different. First, thanks for the warning to those who hadn't yet experienced Adastra themselves. I fell into that category, having been recommended your video by the benevolent algorithm gods. So, I paused the video, downloaded the game, and proceeded to go on one heck of a roller coaster ride. After finishing the game, and picking myself off the floor, I immediately returned to this video and watched it in its entirety. Your excellent analysis of the story doubled my desire for a second play through, not only to make some different choices, but also to see the various characters and their actions in a new light. This video also spoke to me on a very personal level. There was much “I’m in this picture and I don’t like it” while I was watching because I am a closeted gay furry who is pushing 40. This video gave me a lot to think about and while I am not yet ready to come out publicly, maybe it will be the pebble that starts the avalanche. Just typing this response is somewhat cathartic, even if it is still from behind the wall of internet anonymity.

[@Jay_Wolfe]

Post Adastra depression is a welcome feeling. I feel emotionally drained and exhausted after completing Adastra, a couple of scenes are obviously a major factor in this. But also, I know what it's like to be separated from someone you love for a period of time, and not be 100% sure you'll see them again. It wasn't the long-distance relationship type of way, but I served in the military for a number of years and had been deployed overseas for almost 12 months at one point. I had to say goodbye, and there was a legitimate fear that I may not see the person I loved ever again. Thankfully I did make it home, but not completely. What I saw and experienced overseas left me broken mentally, which I didn't fully realise or appreciate until years later when my marriage broke down and we subsequently divorced. The sadness I feel with Adastra is one of loss. I was married to the man I loved. I got to experience the excitement of meeting someone, unexpectedly falling in love, and having it all taken away. The agony of heartbreak, losing someone you care so deeply about, and just need to blame someone, anyone. Obviously in my situation, there was no death, but I still lost someone who I loved then, and still love now. We've stayed friends, though for me there is still some sadness over what was and what could have been. Adastra is the chance to have the fairy tale happy ending I never got, and am unlikely to ever get. That brief escape, the warm feeling of being loved again, is absolutely worth the sadness I feel afterwards when I'm reminded it's not real, that I didn't get magically fixed after being broken. Thankfully though, with the help of a number of professionals, I am slowly being put back together. An amazing discussion about an absolutely beautiful story. Thank you.

[@borkthunder]

Watching this made me realize how much stuff I actually missed the first time I played the game haha, it’s really interesting to see it being dissected like this. I was really looking forward to this one and it was just as great as I expected! Amazing work. I didn’t exactly cry but I remember after being done with the latest build at the time I got depressed and I really thought about amicus for about a week or two lmao

[@ExlestonMcThuban]

"if you're a furry artist and watched this video", "I want to see who I got", "I know what you're doing, working on comms while you watch"... At this I looked over, paused the video, and put my pen down. I almost considered not commenting out of sheer protest. Almost. Haha. Great job again, my dude! And for the record, your Beastars vid is what cemented my subscription. The people worth keeping will stay.

[@TriToneTiefling]

I'm a lesbian trans gal. I don't think I've ever NOT been scared of the world around me since realizing who I am. I have come out, and I've been REALLY lucky so far. The blood family I have come out to has been supportive if not also confused, I finally found love again after 7 years, which was back when I thought I was a cis man, the bonds I have with my current friends and found family is stronger than ever, and thankfully I have yet to encounter any serious slander or threat for being trans (yet). I am SLOWLY transitioning, barely almost a year on HRT, and only STARTING to present as... well not FEMME femme but like, my type of femme, which is to say goth. I'm trying, and I feel like I'm flailing around a lot of the time. I'm also probably the last person the creators of Adastra were thinking of when making the game. I will say however that despite that, I was still able to resonant extremely strongly with bits and pieces of the narrative, and I think your video was incredible.

[@joshualeahy2162]

Atta girl c:

[@danielgriffin3427]

Again, you have left me crying until 3 am. Thank you for sharing your experiences and perspectives on the gay experience because it matters to people, to people like me. My experience differs in many ways, but the same thoughts and emotions probably affect most gay men. Seeing I'm not alone and hearing anothers insights about what and why we feel the way we do about some things really just hits differently. I hope everyone takes away the motivation to sieze their gay experience and to stop waiting for the time to be perfect, I will strive myself to claim and enjoy what little moments I can to be as much gay and as much me as I can be. I doubt our society will ever accept my existence completely as a gay man, always my existence's morality debated by others, so why wait for it to feel right and socially safe to be gay? Tell that person you know you are in love with that you love them and why. Dont wait for it to feel safe. Definitely dont wait for one of you to die. We just witnessed this and I cried so fucking much over it.

[@leekatpants9879]

Honestly I stumbled upon this video just as one of my partners and I are co-writing a political/military gay VN, and even though we're going for a grittier kind of aesthetic, some tactical gameplay, and a more weathered silver daddy rather than good himbo boy appeal, I'm honestly taking notes here. Some of the things you point out, like how the character designs underline some core character dynamics, how the first chapter pulls you in by avoiding exposition and leaving you craving information, or how the presence/absence of choices is not just a gameplay mechanic but also thematic, are things I will now be taking back with me to my own project. Adastra isn't exactly my cup of tea in terms of.... vibe, but I acknowledge it's an incredible piece of art, and an exemplary narrative, and I have a lot to learn from it and your analysis here. I also feel for you, and how coming out in your thirties can be a very bittersweet experience, fraught with crippling concerns about what you might have missed out on and whether this condemns you to solitude. You have all my solidarity and love. I was out as queer already as a teen, but it took until my thirties for me to realize I'm a subtly different type of queer than I'd thought, and for everything to finally slot into place correctly. But like, happiness doesn't stop being possible until you die. My uncle left an abusive marriage, got his shit together at like 55 and met the love of his life at 60 or so.

[@sabrewulf6320]

That was an absolutely INCREDIBLE video essay! Adastra was my first furry visual novel. My boyfriend suggested I read it and it goes without saying that I loved it and very much had an emotional response to it myself. It stirred up a lot of feelings that honestly haven't really gone away and this just makes me wanna go through it again. Before I read it, I thought furry visual novels were kinda... silly? Like something that you couldn't really take seriously and that was just one of those super niche things only a handful of people would ever find interesting. Aaaaaand now I'm working with Echo Project on Glory Hounds as my boyfriend's co-writer and supporting artist. Funny how life works sometimes. 😂

[@BoringKeith]

I really want to see the rest of Glory Hounds! I'm just held back by the idea of doing a blind let's play one day. It stops me from just binging everything all the time lol

[@keithredacted8154]

I don't think I'm a furry (not yet at least) but I have felt the feelings and done the deed to furry content but even if I haven't, I am so excited for this 3 hour ride of a video. The vibes in here feel so warm and sexy and I feel so seen and I am so ready. Edit: Also, thank you for listing all those furry content at the start. There is so much variety and now I'm actually interested to check some out. You were so right with gay people finding connection to the furry fandom.

[@erzadmin5804]

Artist here ( Rackuur ).. you got me :). Thanks for the video. Needed a few days to watch it, but was worth my time.

[@sandiegoretcon1292]

I love your verbal delivery. I am what you referred to as “a guest here” and I was hooked from the get

[@HuskyWuskyy]

i’m in the rendering process of a commission and i’m almost done when i heard the “i see u using this as background noise” LOL you know us so well this video actually was so amazing and made me go and start reading interea and start rereading adastra, what a wonderful game and dev team and what an amazing video you made, thank u for this lol

[@texanrattler9061]

I discovered Adastra a few years back during a rather tumultuous time in my life. I was struggling with depression, discovering just what being gay means for me, and wrestling with internalized homophobia from my upbringing. All while living abroad in the country of Saudi Arabia. This video made me realize why it hit me as hard as it did at the time. Not only did the core themes and early plot points line up with my life, but it also served as a very validating experience amidst an environment hostile towards my existence (it’s very illegal to be gay in Saudi, death penalties and such yikes). I’m not going to go into all the details and similarities here I’d probably hit the character limit but it at least sheds some light on why the post adastra depression period lasted a couple weeks. Since then Adastra has been one of my absolute favorite stories out there. I highly recommend reading it even if you’re not exactly the target audience. Please have a box of tissues ready nearby for the tears.

[@Nikkiflausch]

I've been recommending your last essay to so many friends and I am SO hype for this one; please never release an essay with a runtime of below 3 hours 😛

[@kaiyote7924]

im not a furry but the importance of furry culture its art and its storytelling is important to me. especially the part where you talked about queer subtext in media and the constant "forged id" checking i feel like i have to do in daily life. every time i get too comfy and make a joke about to someone im not out too im mortified, like my visage has dropped, for a breif moment the red paint on my hands is visible... its scary everytime. i hate when people say "be yourself" not understanding that in many situations i do not have the pleasure or safety to do so. i get tired of being accused of being fake or rehearsed when ive gotten to know people for too long. its not that they figured it out... but if theyve known me for 3 years the small mistakes add up. ive had to layer masks on top over and over... its easy to be a "spy" when youve never actually lived like yourself... but i also avoided mirrors for 5 years... and now i dont have an identity anymore. and to some being a blank painted over canvas... assuming a new identity is easy and theyre right but imposter syndrome becomes stronger every time you paint over the last painting, until youre inundated with so much paint that the original canvas rips from the stapels of its frame...

[@flowersandteacups]

Thank you so much for putting such a tremendous effort into an amazing video that I didn't know I needed. Adastra isn't a game I usually would have come across on my own but by god do I love getting to hear about the rich story and theming behind it from someone as well-spoken as you. Your discussion of coming out and not dying in the closet hit so hard and so well and you effectively made me sob for 10 straight minutes during Marco's death scene so cheers to that too

[@banxeescreems3337]

This is a long overdue comment, but I just recently discovered your channel. I just wanted to say thank you, this was a really engrossing and super important topic for discussion. I just turned 30 and am on my second attempt at HRT. I’m a queer trans non-binary guy who has never really dated as a man. I’m terrified I’ll never find love, as transphobia is pretty rife in many circles. I’m on a shaky journey of uncovering more about myself, and while I have regret of not doing it “sooner” I’m grateful I finally stopped doubting what my instincts were telling me all along. If anyone is reading this and relates, just want to say you’re not alone. I hope you’re doing ok. You deserve to be your most authentic higher self, you deserve love and respect, but most of all, happiness. In whatever form that comes in. Never forget that.

[@RuntyTiger]

Hi Furry Artist here, Runtytiger here. Furry artist slash environmentalist. I haven’t been doing art for awhile, but I totally feel you regarding global climate change and people losing their rights in general.

[@Jaqhnun]

not even 5 minutes into the video and I laughed so hard at the Jacob Geller joke that I'm sure my neighbors heard me. Excellent start, 10/10, thank you already for this video and all your hard work on it. EDIT now that I've finished watching the whole thing: "I know what you're doing, using this as background noise while you work on commissions." I SCREAMED. God. Called out!!!!!!!!! I'm working on commissions and everything!! You got me. But whew-- what a good video about a furry adult VN I've never ever played. By the time you got to the tragic twist, you'd taken me on such an entertaining journey through the game and its characters thus far that I felt genuinely upset, like I was having my heart broken by this story instead of just watching someone else get their heart broken by it (again). Everything you said about The American Queer Experience™ and about being in the closet really resonated with me. I'm still so mad about you losing subs for coming out-- don't those fools know you can't say "video games" without saying "gay"!?? Jeez. Thank you again for this video. Also, the "you swallow?" sequence had the neighbors hear me lose my shit laughing again, so thank you for that, too.

[@christinanikolaidou5389]

I watched the adastra playthrough with a friend and it made them decide to stop postponing their transition, and pursue a better life. That's a difference both you and the game have made. On their behalf and mine, thank you.

[@BATTRYACID]

i've been out as gay for several years (and out as trans for even longer, its been an entire decade!!) and the way you speak about queerness especially when it comes to being a gay man has just opened my eyes so much. this video and the beastars video have really made me...accept the way i am a bit more? even though i already accepted my identity, i think it made it a little easier to love myself. you treats the gay relationship as something so sacred and special, something that deserves to be cherished instead of just accepted and tolerated. and i thank you so deeply for that. there is so much pain that comes with the societal consequences of being gay and yet you have still found reason to love. the characters in adastra have found reason to love. queer resistance through rebellious, unapologetic love is really unlike any other. it's really eye-opening, makes me feel proud to be gay. they call it pride for a reason, right?

[@snowman126]

played your video in the background while doing commissions! great video and I can't wait to see more

[@promptaurus]

NOTHING. could have prepared me for the shock of seeing "keith ballard" in the credits and making the connection that you are the guy who made the factorio co-op/dark souls 3 lets plays that ive rewatched front to back multiple times. this video was beautiful, the message is all too relevant in my life rn, and i wish you the best bro

[@skinnynoodle659]

TW: bullying, being outed, threats of sa That moment where Marco was outed is so horribly literal for me. (Not that I had a cat out me as I was dying of aids haha.) A boy I once new was horribly bullied for being gay, after I thought I could trust him I spilled my secrets. I even admitted to liking a girl to him. It was the first time I'd admitted to being gay or to having a crush. It was a comforting feeling to believe I wasn't alone, how wrong I was. A girl came running to me, she asked out of nowhere, "are you gay?" All I could gasp out was a stupid no, but it didn't really matter, I was outed. Everyone at school new and they didn't keep how they felt about it to themselves. They made rumors about me, one was that every girl I interacted with had sex with me. Stupid, right? I mean, it feels like a compliment. I would've been able to put up with it, but it got worse. Boys came to me after hearing rumors I had sex with their girlfriends and threatened to hurt me. One implied worse things when he said right after, "I would've (it's blurry in my memory sorry, something along the lines of made advances) if you weren't gay." The bullying got worse still, people would film me all the time. If I wasn't being filmed I was being watched from the dressing room to make sure I wasn't peeping. It got so bad that the girl I had a crush on would run up to me and film herself doing (explicit) stuff towards me. After all that, you'd think I'd have the right to be mad, apparently not to the boy who outed me. When I told him I would never trust him again he told ME we couldn't be friends. I was so furious I could beat him, but the teachers tore me away and told me to mend our relationship. Fuck middle school. Truama dumping aside your video is wonderful. It makes me so happy that you could find love and acceptance with your friends. Your video genuinly makes me want to play the game and this means alot as a non-furry. Not to say I've ever judged furries, I have plenty of online furry friends.

[@viridianacortes9642]

Wow dude. I’m so sorry you went through that. I hope things are better for you now. You are loved and you deserved to be yourself without feeling unsafe.

[@j.e.s.m.4686]

Sorry for what you have to go through. I was never bullied for my sexuality but being hiding it away from my parents 'cause they're extremely religious and homophobic, I'm planning on getting the hell of the house and move on to live my own life.

[@DahliaxMorningstar]

I didn't know anything about Adastra nor have I have ever heard of it, I never have nor ever will have a problem with furries or anything LGBTQ+, I for one am Pansexual and Demisexual but I decided none the less to click on this and I listened to the whole video. By the end of it, I was in tears and it wasn't just because of what took place during your narrative of the visual novel but more so that it was the distinct melancholy feeling that was left inside of me, I felt pain and fear and sadness for everything to be honest. A strong almost empathetic bond to characters I don't know of, I've been a fan of Keith for around five years now. I'm not someone who comments often, rarely actually but it's these essays that I really devote time to listening and or watching the full video. It was only at the end that had me truly in tears, don't let yourself die in the closet. As a long time viewer I wanted to simply say one thing really. You are who you are, those who matter are the ones that accept you and those that don't are the ones that miss out. I'm one of many I'm sure that accept you and congratulate you for not being someone that dies hiding in the closet.

[@FloralShirt]

I remember coming across this video in 2022, and 10 minutes in I was already intrigued enough to play the vn myself. This video urged me to explore and understand the furry community, which I’ve come to appreciate and, to an extent, identify with. Truly, thank you so much, Keith, for opening me up to such an incredible experience. I found Adastra to be a huge source of inspiration while writing my story. As I characterised the love interest, I could find traces of Amicus in him. Indeed, as you mentioned, Amicus is an ideal boyfriend. At least, he has certainly influenced my ideas about a desirable partner. I think in real life, we’d often long for someone who’d show us love, loyalty, and commitment unconditionally. But that’s quite a rarity, perhaps especially so in the gay community. I suppose that’s why many people feel drawn to Amicus and experience post-Adastra depression. Even as I revisit its soundtrack now, I’m still filled with that complex mix of feelings. Nostalgia, bittersweetness, and that same wish for a fictional character to come true, haha. Coincidentally, I also found the author playing an important role in my story. I wrote my story to recover from something that really stuck with me. Wanting to give the characters a happy ending, I, as the author, became the force that tests and challenges their relationship. (Even if it meant me becoming the villain, haha.) I think that’s what Adastra’s meant to be, too: a feel-good story that lets players experience a wholesome and healthy romance with a satisfying ending. And no matter what people say, I’ll always have a soft spot for these stories where a true romance can triumph against all odds.

[@frostyloid]

EDIT: OOF, WATCHING THIS VIDEO FIRST DID NOT INFACT SOFTEN THE BLOW OF HOW SAD THIS GAME IS. GOD IT MADE ME CRY SO HARD. Thank you for making this video, because I honestly wouldn't have checked out the story of Adastra on my own. I found your opening discussion in the video really interesting and resonating to my experience with the fandom too, but I expected to lose after you started talking explaining the fluffy wish fulfilling premise of the game. I was very taken by surprise how subversive the story is to the genre and full of thematic symbolism as you described. I really love how much literary analysis you were able do, showing me the game is so deep and full of so much substance. I genuinely want to read the story myself now, because it's not vapid set dressing for sex scenes like I originally thought. Which is fine if it was, I just get so bored reading that stuff, because I rather have a meatier story or a story with more meat lol. It feels sort of off to say this, but I enjoy that the story is a tragedy with a bittersweet ending with the most optimistic take. My biggest fear is suddenly losing the closest person to me, I'm terrified of there being a world without him. I was fighting back the tears for characters I only new at a surface level hours ago because that scene strikes that emotional chord for me so fucking hard. It would have honestly crushed me emotionally if I read this on my own, and I'm glad my first exposure to it was this so it could soften the blow because god I don't know if I could take that much emotional damage at once. In the end though, it's almost cathartic, because one day I will lose him or he will lose me. Logically I understand that, but this makes me FEEL it in my core. It's almost feels like a practice run for that day, and reminds me that I need to value the time I do have with him. To just appreciate what we have and to not let the stress of life distract me from that. idk, I'm just rambling, but I get the feeling this game will end up being something special to me after I read it, which I wouldn't have if it wasn't for your video. I know it's a small subject to make videos on, but I hope you make more videos on queer furry media and stuff. It's very validating seeing to aspects and communities of my life being treated so earnestly and sincerely.

[@IanZero0]

I’ve reached the top or bottom section. When I played, I chose bottoming for Amicus because it felt like his whole character development led to him willing bottoming. Always making the choices, but finally letting Marco make the choice. Being able to let Marco pick, with an option that Amicus clearly has a preference to, but showing Marco how much he means to him. It shows how much he trusts Marco, with the subject of bottoming causing so much trouble for him in his life.

[@jimmyraccoon4537]

"Imagine going through that whole gut-wrenching scene only to be tossed out to the title screen" Could be worse. At least that scene didn't involve trains or missing legs >W

[@elias-tt7vx]

Oh no

[@Kawarri]

You keep making me re-experience my past adoration of these games. You keep recontextualizing every moment of joy or heartbreak I had. You keep making me freaking cry upon seeing his broken face when every single time I am well aware that it is on its way and assume I have no tears left to give... Yet every time, I am thankful... despite my ugly sobbing. I have never been fully aware how or why I have pulled so much inspiration into my sona or motivation into my life due to most Echo media. It all makes sense through your musings and playthroughs, even the stuff that clearly went over my head during my own. Adastra is still one of the greatest life-changing experiences that I present to anyone willing to give it an ear. For folks unable to put in the effort; you have a great "summary" for me to point them towards now instead!

[@Tabby3456]

"Fate Is Bullshit" -Every JoJo Villan past part 3

[@drpetersellers]

Wow. I just... I can't believe the journey this video took me on... I watch the Beastars video, cause I'm an anime fan, and then hopped over to this. I just spent the past ten days BINGING Adastra... I ugly cried on a flight home because that happened to be the "big" moment. I told everyone I know how incredible this story was... and I... just... can't believe the journey Adastra took me on. That you, Keith, took me on. Thank you. PS: I came back and finished the video *after* playing through the novel. It's the first time I've ever done that... And I'm glad I did.

[@domino_hyena]

you called me out exactly at the end there, being a furry artist listing to this while working on comms lmao amazing video, thanks for sharing your insightful thoughts- your commentary honestly elevates the text so well, so here's my engagement

[@JimjimJim-jn6vv]

Hi I'm one of the artist got called out last couple of minutes!. I always curious about the story but didn’t have enough English to read through it entirely. So Thank you for the walkthrough of Adstra! And sharing your experience,thoughts and emotions. It is a wonderful video :)

[@griffinham]

I really love the little things -- like the effort put into making the sprites bounce and wobble just to give us something to look at during those sections. It adds a lot, despite not being a very "big" or flashy effect.

[@JustBoo72]

This video made me realize so many things that I didn’t even think of in the first place, genuinely thanks for making this! ( I don’t know if you noticed, but the captions stop working after 25:55 )

[@geckoram6286]

second time hearing about adastra, I guess I have to play it now Edit: after 21 hours I can confirm this is a masterpiece. Now let's watch a 3 hour video talking about it