The Most Important Dos and Don'ts Of Helping A Drug Addict or Alcoholic

After 20 years as an addiction counselor, these are the most important lessons I've learned about how to really help someone with an addiction.
Learn my step-by-step process for getting someone out of denial and into recovery 👉🏻www.familyreco...

[@terisato8791]

Thank you Amber. Appreciate you. My son refused residential treatment when bed opened up. We didn't let him back in our home yesterday. Years of lights on all night, 4 crashed vehicles, court dates, money he owes people, talking and fighting with demons, refused psychiatric help, unmotivated to help family, not cleaning up after himself. Your videos has helped me to cope. Mahalo from Hawaii❤️

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Sending you my thoughts and prayers, Teri! I know how hard that must be. 😫

[@user-qr4xj9cs3w]

You are a special person that understands what is "common sense" is.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Awwww thanks 😁

[@jimhalpert4959]

I am an addict in recovery who is married, 3 children, good job, nice big house with a nice big mortgage. My wife not trusting me keeps leading to small relapses (no longer drugs, I kicked that and gambling on sports replaced it). I am so happy to have found your channel. I am about to binge watch it. I want so bad to have the trust of my wife again but every little bit of progress keeps getting blown up and I am right back at the beginning. I’m going to ask my wife to binge your channel with me. I like that you’re not just saying what she can do to support me like a lot of videos and talking about support for her. I need to be accountable.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hi Jim, I like your willingness and stick-with-itness! I hope this channel can help you and your wife come closer together. There's lots of stuff here for both of you; 😊

[@katystuckel3425]

Would like suggestions about getting rid of the fear.

[@jimhalpert4959]

@@PutTheShovelDown an update! Things are going very well! 🙏

[@kanjanapats]

You know, when I got into the “situation” with my addict partner and I don’t know where or who to turn to, listing to you is weirdly soothing. I’m grateful for your existence

[@cstarnes1349]

You always calm me down when I start worrying. You are very intuitive about so much of this that just can’t be taught. But you are so helpful and talk to us, not at us!! My son is doing sooo much better!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

I'm so glad to hear that your son is doing better. That's what keeps me going 😁

[@cstarnes1349]

@@PutTheShovelDown He’s doing it for the kids. It makes a difference when he feels a sense of purpose. Hard as it has been you have given me the gift of patience . I just listen and encourage and notice the little things - the small baby steps - and he keeps moving forward. I’m really proud of him. I’m so glad I found you after our disaster with the interventionist!

[@theresan8880]

I’m so glad, Amber, you have stuck it out longer than 5 years!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Thanks Theresa! Me too 😊

[@seller559]

Pro Tip - Just subscribing to this channel isn’t enough. You have to watch the video (lol) I subbed over a year ago when I found out a family member was dealing with alcohol issues. Your videos are gold. Keep up the great work 👍👍👍👍

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Thanks seller559!

[@patricksullivan2397]

My wife and I just love you and are impressed. we have addiction in our families but are not ourselves addicts. The struggle is real. Beautiful coloring and eyes by the way.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Thanks for your kind words, Patrick! 😊

[@lisabrown2634]

When the lady said you helped me so much, but I’d have to listen to the 24 seven, that really hit home with me. You’re making me stronger. Every video. Keep up the good work.

[@cuddlemuff6632]

It's great to hear you share your personal story, Amber! Of all the addiction counsellors I've listened to, you are the best. 👑Your open-minded approach gives you such distinction. I'm so amazed to hear your own Mom died from methamphetamine addiction and you are able to do this job with such kindness and generosity. What a wonderful approach you took with those teenagers - to make them feel more liked in that setting than with their user "friends".

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Awww thanks, Cuddlemuff. 😊If feel privileged to get to do this work!

[@hollywixom5974]

I agree! Amber I just found you or shall I say God pointed me to you! You’re so down to earth and l you’re loving nature is felt through the “cloud”. I appreciate your honesty and desire to offer these sessions and recordings online me to find the help needed at the moment. I’ve been listening to you a short time but am absorbing all I can. I’d like to book an individual session with you. I’m struggling with a loved one and I’m the youngest child of adult parent alcoholism and had a brother die from drinking way too early. So much to unpack here but mostly I just wanted to say thank you for these recordings. You’ve saved me more than once from ridiculous arguments with my loved one because I understand if I am not able to reach them, I now understand it’s not MY problem to fix but to be understanding of his challenges best I can. Again thank you and I know it takes a village and people who wish we would take control off their lives are most like unrealistic expectations. My LO has been to rehab 3 times. He a chronic alcoholic and I’m seeing changes but not certain they are healthy changes. Can’t wait to learn more from this amazing group!! Thank you! ❤

[@Ohhappydaz80]

P

[@Ohhappydaz80]

😅

[@user-gh1fc2yi2n]

Could you do a discussion on how to deal with your loved one’s emotions and anger when they are in recovery. What should I say or not say. What should I do or not do to help them with their outburst and anger. Thank you.

[@lisabrown2634]

Your channel has saved my life. I’m so thankful for your wisdom. I’m working on myself, to help my son in prison. He desperately wants help. He just joined a sober, living group. He was excited about day one of sobriety. But here it is day two and I had to block his calls.turn it back on in the morning. Hoping he will have woke up in a different mood. This is so hard. He is addicted to K2 readily available in Prison.

[@reginareggie9854]

Just want to say Thank you. Your videos on KZbin are helping work on my sobriety. One video every other day I watch. Thank you again!

[@user-gg4cb6md6t]

Oh Amber❤ my heart went out to you just now when i heard you tell of your mother's death. I am so sorry for your loss. And I see you are channeling your pain into so much good for so many people. I'm very grateful to find you just a few days ago and I'm enjoying watching all your videos. So enlightening and helpful. Thank you, you angelic soul. K

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Thank you so much for your kind words of support ❤️

[@joannagarcia953]

Yeah, Toni, you are not terrible! I am a mom that can totally relate! I'm in a similar situation with my son and it feels impossible for us Moms sometimes to uphold boundaries. We are hardwired to love, protect, and be there completely for our kids, so we are not terrible! 🙂 We have to be kinder to ourselves and just keep trying to get the help we need and work on ourselves. Sending prayers for you and your family!

[@melindamachado7728]

I always go to your videos when my son is struggling. I have been binge watching since yesterday after he went on a binge and lost everything but his phone and he’s in another state. Taking your advice that they are natural consequences and also I need to provide self-care. Did my research and found a place he can go as he doesn’t even have an ID now. Thank you for what you do!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

You're so very welcome, Melinda!

[@drjustekarvelyte7070]

Totally believe that knowing nothing made you more curios and better lister then all! That’s why you are so great!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Thanks Juste 🥰

[@ritatharp5238]

Amber so very very true, burnout is high in counseling field. Learning not to take it personally is so TRUE. You're amazing, you truly have been "through the school of hard knocks". My mother always said, "honey what doesn't kill you makes you stronger!"

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Your mama was a smart woman! 🤩🤩😉

[@katherinekelly5380]

True, but not everyone makes it into that second category

[@ritatharp5238]

I think so many people go into helping professions with a great desire & passion to help or fix things. Does that make them enablers or empaths? LOL 😆 woman you are wise beyond your years! God love you! ❤🙏

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Probably a little bit of both 😉

[@KellyCherwin]

I really appreciate you being vulnerable about your personal experience. Thank you so much❤

[@mikeinmelbourne9491]

Thanks for your wonderful content, and being vulnerable like this. I'm dealing with a situation in my life and your content and advice has been incredibly helpful in my life - thanks

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Awww, thanks Mike in Melbourne! 😊

[@katmother]

You are a breath of fresh air. I love your honesty . Stumbled on your videos and I really like your approach.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Thanks Kathy. Welcome to our little community. So glad you're here 😃

[@katmother]

@@PutTheShovelDown Thanks I am learning what I thought I already knew. I like your approach. I used to believe in a hard line of putting my hands up and off and thinking it was entirely not helpful for my input at all . I realize after watching your videos that I can have influence and somewhat of a say in the matter. As long as I am working on myself and not trying to manage them.

[@chrissymullins1579]

Just got into a massive argument because I told him his AA meetings aren't working and that he needs help. You were right...just DON'T say those statements. You really are incredible though. Thankyou for your selfless work.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Thank you for your kind words, Chrissy. We all do the best we can.

[@cindypock4949]

Amber, have you ever thought about stand up comedy as a side gig? You have a great sensecof humor too! Thanks for these great videos!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Oh my goodness....That would be so fun! 😂🤣Never thought about that, but I do often have to remind myself to reign in my sarcasm and humor when it comes to addiction.

[@ConstantCompanion]

This is really good advice. They say don't be your loved ones counselor but you know? I actually know him better than anybody. I know what motivates him. I know what frustrates him. That doesn't mean I sit down and lecture him. The Addictive Behavior is the same. Its cookie cutter, but the person that they really are? Is not. I honestly don't know what I'm doing, but I was wondering. I know a lot of addicts focus on Breaking the Habit. They call it recovery, but really, they're breaking a bad habit. I've wondered if perhaps maybe one of the keys might be? Instead of focusing on behaviors you want to eliminate, focus on behaviors you want to acquire; what you want your life to look like.7. I don't know a lot about addiction, but I do know that people have a tendency to hit what they aim at? If you're aiming at alcohol, you will find it. But if you're aiming at a new life, something with new things in it, new goals, it's possible to totally forget about the alcohol altogether. I'm only guessing here. I'm trying to help my son.

[@tammylester5176]

You are a blessing with what you are doing. Thank you so much.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

So nice of you! Thanks Tammy 😊

[@christineewing3492]

I like your openness and honesty about yourself Amber.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Thanks Christine! I used to be a lot more insecure about the fact that I'm not in recovery, but now I think it actually offers me some advantages. 😊

[@Quartzone6145]

Hi Amber I live in the UK and watch all your videos they are so helpful. My loved one too says horrible things to me when he's using! It's so hard not to take them personally and I always end up in tears. He never bring that up when he's sober and it breaks my heart he could say those nasty things because when he's sober hes so lovely. Any tips on how to cope with it emotionally I'm really struggling and feel mental health is suffering

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Is there a way to not be around him when he's using?

[@grannyonthego4893]

sweet Toni ~ on vacay & worrying about her adult child ... Amber, thank you ... there's alot of us

[@renee8030]

As always love your videos & the common sense things that don't come about in the common way they should when you're freaking out over a loved ones behavior!!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

You're so right, Rene'e! It is good common sense, but our emotions get the better of us. It's completely understandable.

[@renee8030]

@@PutTheShovelDown one reason I love your videos!! They remind us to slow down & think about what's really going on and how we TRULY WANT to react!! THANK YOU again for all of you're guidance for us out here wandering blindly though all this substance abuse insanity!!

[@cpouchie59]

Living with a partner in active addiction for 4yrs , who has done nothing but talk about what she's going to do and I'm done waiting for something to change,,,,,

[@pamelacunningham6090]

I’m grateful for your words.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Right back at ya, Pamela!

[@cheerfulmouse]

My first counselor, in early college, was a highly educated Phd lady. And she only did reflective listening, with a little, how did that make you feel at the end of my running out of things to say. It was crazy making, I ultimately just said uh, this is no help, and stopped going. Thankfully I didn't let that experience stop me from seeking help later on ❤

[@JasonBrown-dd7dj]

Amber your a gem,god bless you.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Right back at ya, Jason!

[@reneginn7866]

I relate so much to Toni. I’m from Louisiana too.

[@junewilliams347]

All I know is the approach i feel your transmitting around current problems addiction as a whole from as many different perspectives is definitely a process I feel needs embracing because it promotes depths of thought and analysis that if interpreted correctly by all engaged will bring positive results but 1 thing that is non negotiable is action around the details that present themselves both good n bad ! Never give up tho

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Well said!

[@simplydee4113]

Omg, Toni ‘s call is making me cry.

[@samanthasaffold3036]

My significant other won’t communicate with me at all. I try and calmly talk to him about his alcoholism but he just gets very short and shuts me out. What do you do when listening isn’t a option??

[@maryirick3579]

Thank you

[@trollsnotwelcome7805]

If they say they don't need any help, won't talk no matter what approach is taken 😢

[@jeanniej9110]

What do you suggest when the person doesn't want to talk to ANYONE! Family or therapist.

[@shitzoo1957]

Thank you so much Amber!

[@candipayne2003]

Like how long do you hang? After 6 month of a relationship dating he quit it happened, and he was sober 16 months. Then he left back in june to NY from being with me in CA and used a month later and has been using since and is promising to quit again.

[@brucehutchings]

I hate when my partner drinks but Im at peace with that and we can work on that, My main issue is the lying and deception. It destroys all trust.

[@jdl2180]

Lying is just part of addiction there is nothing you can do about it

[@robynwheatcraft7947]

Thinking about when you said not to take their drinking or relapse personal, it reminded me of a phrase often used on the "sober recovery" forum "friends and family of alcoholics" they say, "alcoholics don't drink AT you; they drink because they are alcoholics." Basically saying "it's nothing personal", nor is it retaliation of some sort

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Spot on, Robyn!

[@TammyLee-86]

I hired an interventionist to help my daughter go to treatment it didn’t work so now she is homeless,maybe that was a mistake? She now hates me and has a different understanding on what I’m trying to do. I don’t respond to her anymore cause it’s just toxic to keep justifying myself. What do I need to do

[@maryannekendall3344]

Its so hard to not take things personal when your son calls you names and lies to you and breaks things in the house.

[@sarapowell2588]

Is the Invisible Intervention program a substitute for a 30 day in-patient program?

[@jeremyprince5200]

My girlfriend is a alcoholic and she sneeks it behind my back and lies to me about drinking even though I've caught her an she still lies to me about it she says she wants to stop drinking but yet she keeps laying about it so what can I do?

[@Angelarc33]

Go Tigers!

[@lisasileo3166]

Cute puppy dog! 🐶

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Thanks, Lisa!

[@laurapagano9497]

My boyfriend has anxiety and depression he drinks because he says it teleases his tention from that. Half of me want to quit on him but then I don't want to because he is such a great man sober drunk hes another character... I have been trying to find something that peek his interest outside the home. If anyone has ideas please share 😢

[@gddjwd]

I've seen being seperated from my husband has helped me be able to talk to him in a more calm tone. He admitted he was drinking while we were talking and i was upset but able to stay calm and ask questions as to why he did it and had more comfortable suitation discussions. Then afterwards i lost it.. Wasnt good for me but he didnt see or hear me lose it

[@abdihassan3637]

My son is on pils I how can I get him to stop

[@katystuckel3425]

How do you get rid of the fear?

[@AmyB1961]

What if they are in a place where they don't even realize they have a problem? Have you heard of Dr. Peter Breggin? He has a short video on "medication spellbinding."

[@pamelacunningham6090]

You mentioned being willing to talk about a problem with you. Did you already choose a person? I assume you did this live and people put numbers in the live feed? Do you plan to offer this in the future?

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hi Pamela, Yes this is for the people who attend live. Yes, I'll probably be doing that again in our live videos.

[@shawnsmith9617]

Chris just do what you can to prove your girlfriend wrong. You heal you and your kids will see that.

[@Videorasigan]

🙏🙏🙏

[@TammyLee-86]

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