Adeptus Custodes: The Golden Boys | Warhammer 40k Lore

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The Adeptus Custodes, known as the Legio Custodes during the Great Crusade and Horus Heresy eras, is the Imperial adepta responsible for protecting the Imperial Palace and the physical body of the Emperor of Mankind, as well as serving as His most important emissaries, His companions, and the keepers of His many secrets.
The Custodes is an elite cadre of genetically-engineered transhuman warriors who are even more potent in combat than the Adeptus Astartes. They are to the Space Marines as the Emperor is to His primarchs, and it is rumoured that they were each created by the Master of Mankind personally.

[@gege0298]

fun fact: in early editions of wh40k, the custodes had abandoned their armor and weapons in their mourning of the emperor. this is where the stripper custodes imagery comes from!

[@koatam]

Though to be fair, back then they were just "Body Guards"

[@ryanadams0922]

This explains ETTS a lot more

[@berniebroig8745]

@@ryanadams0922 Kitten even mentions this in the episode where they air, though.

[@leek.3671]

@OHGAS The mental imagery of them walking around in normal fuckin shirts and pants made me laugh so much omg

[@NacnudPinky]

This video explains that kitten actually should be technically retired as his tea and biscuits got incinerated by a warp bolt and he could not react. Then again he is the main guardian and sentient newspaper of the emperor so I guess that is super important. Oh wait I forgot he was on Mars now

[@flintyleader7168]

custodes in the lore: ultra-stoic demi god warriors Custodes to the fandom: ultra-𝓯𝓪𝓫𝓾𝓵𝓸𝓾𝓼 demi god strippers

[@NameIsDoc]

And kitten

[@steweygrrr]

HUMONGOUS TERMINATOR DADDIES

[@doublep1980]

* Jo Jo theme intensifies *

[@commissarbearz]

LITTLE KITTEN, YOU MUST SQUAT MORE FREQUENTLY

[@jbark678]

@@steweygrrr *BEEP*

[@MegamanZero410]

“The become KGB spies” *sees 12ft tall demigod working in a hive city* “Oh that’s Rick, he’s new here, pay him no mind”

[@tylercrissman847]

Like nine or ten, much more reasonable. I can absolutely see how you could mistake them for normal humans

[@shiviste7611]

Considering mutants are plentiful I doubt they’d even bat an eye

[@MegamanZero410]

@@shiviste7611 the closest thing would be Ogren, but the thing with them is they look trollish, where as the custodian would look like a Greek god.

[@TheSchultinator]

Would you stop him?

[@habibihabibi7115]

@@MegamanZero410 there are all sorts of weird mutants, abhumans, and gene-brutes around the Imperium that aren't as strictly categorized as something like ogryn and thus aren't represented on the tabletop.

[@cyanideinmycereal1077]

My Dark Heresy character is a Krieg guardsman defended by the Aquilan shields. He is very sad.

[@jim8123]

That's kinda fucking hilarious

[@andrejapaunic4761]

Thats fucking hilarious

[@stalinsoulz7872]

Every time he faces his Repentance Glory 5 Golden Bois Steals His XP and Rites to Emperor's Place.... Sad just sad yet so Hilarious

[@merkavamkivm3373]

"LET ME DIE ALREADY" said the Krieg guardsman. "NO." said his personal 3.5 meters tall gold-cludded demigods.

[@andrejapaunic4761]

@@merkavamkivm3373 THE EMPEROR FORGAVE YOU YOU DONT HAVE TO DIE

[@bluespart]

"Is there someone who ever died of old age?" I think Ciaphas Cain is noted as having died of just that, despite still being listed as active duty (because the administratum got tired of undoing his death paperwork every time he survived something impossible)

[@acewarbringer4295]

Only through the words of an agent of his most Holy Inquisition. Who has been known to be loose with facts.

[@kriegscommissarmccraw4205]

Thought he died in the black crusade

[@andrewgause6971]

@@kriegscommissarmccraw4205 fought in it, but survived.

[@kriegscommissarmccraw4205]

@@andrewgause6971 oh okay, thanks

[@heliveruscalion9124]

@@kriegscommissarmccraw4205 Commissar, the Sergeant needs your help, one of the kriegsmen re-discovered a cluster grenade and is now trying to sprint at the ork tanks

[@Sorwolf]

Twist, one of these guard custodes finds a Krieg to protect for the annoyance of the kriegsman who would constantly try to die in battle but would be unable to.

[@stephenraymond0607]

AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[@futtynucker5278]

That would be the greatest, most hilarious fucking story ever written for 40k.

[@avsbes98]

I want a Book about this.

[@Sorwolf]

@@avsbes98 If only I had any decent writing skills.

[@rat161]

Krieg: but im not worthy Custodes: i didnt just leave terra for no reason guardsmen, i did it because i know that you will be something greater

[@Blitz_IngaMCZ]

7:31 “MY MOM WAS A TUBE!” “What?” “A TUBE IN MOUNT EVEREST!” “What?” “F-CK” “What?” “MOM EVEREST!”

[@wgreenewgreene1022]

This is the bwst out of context

[@almondtiger6451]

Rip tts

[@iambumbo7534]

“Whet?”

[@demonkingsparda]

Horizon Zero Dawn be like

[@BrotherBoot97]

I can just imagine a Shadow Keeper standing guard for like 72 years and outta nowhere a blip of purple light pops and he just inhales and says "Shit."

[@Blazo_Djurovic]

"Here we go again." Turns left and opens the door to the REST OF UNIVERSE MENACINGLY.

[@onesalamanderspacemarine707]

A custodian wouldn’t say anything, he would definitely think it though. He would think it so loud the Emperor would hear.

[@ladywaffle2210]

@@onesalamanderspacemarine707 The magnitude of the situation is described by the fact that the Shadow Keeper spoke out loud.

[@boom-wj1gt]

custode: what is this? guardsmen: thats a bed custode: whats a bed? guardsmen: its where u sleep custode: what is sleep? guardsmen:are u really human?

[@madwolf1488]

yes and no

[@lordfelidae4505]

Custode: I mean, technically? Why?

[@insertedgynamehere]

That would be a space marine. Custodes aren't nearly as autistic.

[@boom-wj1gt]

@@insertedgynamehere I just made a joke of them not sleeping they basically don't eat or sleep

[@insertedgynamehere]

@@boom-wj1gt yes, and I'm being an asshole and picking apart your joke

[@Coyotebriggs]

Imo, the Custodes get done the dirtiest when it comes to power scaling, in one book they are done right, basically the best, and in another they can be bodied.

[@lapu2407]

For every moment we get a custodian having half his face gone and still fighting We have a unarmed unarmored world eater punching through a fully armored custodian killing him

[@ShahbazBokhari]

@@lapu2407 To this day, this very day, that moment; still gives me conniptions.

[@alfonsocyrusjoshua9551]

@@ShahbazBokhari i understood that

[@jorgejustin461]

Like a single fucking Solitaire killing upwards of TWENTY of them.... The fucking Black Shirts exist for a reason GW, when you need Cannon fodder in the Imperial Palace you have some boring ass humans. The 1 boi in gold would be a challenge for a Solitaire.

[@you1027]

For all the hype in 40k, there's an almost-equal amount of mooking present Take everything with a grain of salt and find the truth somewhere in the middle, I guess

[@goliath1179]

Guilliman is my favorite facet about the Ultramarines. In the “Armor of Fate” short story he was in a meeting room, going over reports and shit, and he drops a thin plastic folder. However, the suit Cawl made for him was pretty encumbering, and his hands being covered in so much armor plating and other mechanics he couldn’t make a fist or even bend over to pick it up and he yells loudly about it, essentially saying ”I’ve been alive for thousands of years, handcrafted by the master of mankind, but I can’t pick up a plastic flimsy. My greatest enemy.” I was laughing my ass off, but also Cato Sicarius, the captain of the second company, was there and he was pissing himself in fear over his primarch yelling and asks him in the most timidly way possible if he was joking. Guilliman sighed and said yes he was joking, and it all ties into the story about the Imperium of Man size amount of pressure on his shoulders. Just having that bit of humility and telling the most minor of a joke can make your followers so fucking scared, is amazing.

[@filwilliamson9149]

That’s amazing, where can I find this story.

[@goliath1179]

@@filwilliamson9149 ABorder Prince has a video of this here on KZbin.

[@filwilliamson9149]

@@goliath1179 Thanks

[@ultramarinescaptain3840]

Ah, Plastic Flimsy. Finally, a worthy opponent,our battle will be legendary!

[@sond.lollipop8919]

I love Bobby G-man. He is a breath of fresh air in recent lore

[@Bluecho4]

I like the Aquillan Shield because it's a blanket justification for any random Imperial army to have a squad of Custodians in it. Why does your random Imperial Guard detachment have five giant dudes in gold armor, that normally only guard the Emperor? Because they're guarding the commander, for nebulous reasons. It's perfect.

[@Sorain1]

More fun if they're guarding one random member of a regular squad. So you can have them do tactically suboptimal things for the lulz. (and end up securing objectives because it's a squad of unkillable golden boys.)

[@kocashima]

@@Sorain1 doesn't have to be for the Lulz it is because this one random Guardsman will do something special that is beyond the understanding of the mere mortals present in the army

[@Sorain1]

@@kocashima Sure, but on the meta level of the player's decision making, it's for the lulz. Should have made that clear I suppose.

[@xjwarrior]

The reason why the Custodes in TTS are Pillar Men is slightly more nuanced. Back in the wilder older editions of 40K around the 80s/90s, the Custodes apparently went around the Imperial Palace wearing pretty much only a thong, for reasons. There are images of this floating about online.

[@guyfieri148]

They stripped their armour in shame for failing the emperor during the heresy

[@Roloki454]

I thought they wore robes but no armor

[@brodyratliff7441]

​@@Roloki454that's the new version of

[@sinistrality7883]

My favorite bit of Custodes lore is this paragraph from Valerian "We were never soldiers. Whenever we are seen outside the walls of this place, as rare as that is, it is in our martial aspect. We are clad in gold, just as it was in the earliest days when He was our living captain, and mortals fall on their faces as if before gods. To them, it must seem as if we are wrath incarnate. To them, it must seem as if we were created for destruction and nothing else. But we were His companions, once. We were the ones in whom He confided. We were His counsellors, we were His artisans. We were the first glimpse of what the species could become, if shepherded aright and unshackled from its vicious weaknesses. Of course, we were taught to fight. He knew that war would come. It was a necessary part of the ascension, though it was never destined to last for eternity. We were the guardians of a new age, and had to be strong enough to keep it secure. We failed in that, and now wear the mark of that failure in the black robes that cover our auramite. It is a permanent reminder, replacing the cloaks of blood-red that once adorned our battle-plate. It weighs heavy with every one of us, for we know more of the nature of the fall than most. We still recite the old stories, and we study in the lost archives where we alone are suffered to tread, and so do not have the comforting illusions of ignorance to salve the wound. In a galaxy defined by ignorance, we remember. We cultivate the shards of the thing that was broken, and remain aware of what would have been. I think sometimes that this knowledge is the most severe of our many burdens. Any brutal soul may fight if he has the goal ahead of him. We fight knowing that our truest purpose lies behind us, and all that remains is faithfulness to an extinguished vision. But still we preserve. We tend the things of value that have survived. We seek to embody His will in all things. We cleave to His light as the darkness gathers. We interpret, we study, we delve into the philosophy of the ages. We have many duties. But that is just as it should be, for we are not simple creations. The aeons have changed us in so many ways, but not in that. We were a thousand things to a thousand souls, but we were never soldiers." It's sad that them being perfect warriors was only meant to be temporary, they're suppose to be the stalwarth representations of humanity, more than all the Primarchs would be, but in the end they're just gonna live in a world that is WAYY far from the one they're meant to inhabit.

[@trifontrifonov4297]

It's not just the Custodians. Many different Space Marine chapters are kinda inhuman. The more perfect a chapter is the more distant from Humanity they become. The opposite is also true. More outwardly monstrous or weird looking a chapter is the closer they are to their inner humanity. Salamanders, Black Dragons, Space Wolfs, Soul Drinkers, Legion of the Damned and so on. They are also the SM chapters most likely to be on the Inquisition's shit list and receive the short end of the stick, when they are not declared traitors outright and hunted like dogs. The irony that the Imperium often declares their most loyal, brave and valorous people traitors and ether kill them or drive them into exile....

[@jackmack4181]

Vulkan has red eyes, black skin (coal black) and could break an orks spine with out trying but he is f not the nicest guy out there

[@stefan020290]

Legion of the damned isnt really a chapter, more like a warp entity loyal to the imperium, a loyal demon so to speak.

[@hz.kemalpasa2997]

I would like to see Inquisition trying to declare Salamanders traitor and hunt them like dogs. It would be the best BBQ party ever.

[@trifontrifonov4297]

@@hz.kemalpasa2997 Oh they will never have the balls to take on a original Chapter in the open, but the instances of "Ork Snipers" may increase.

[@Senor_Penor]

I feel like Big E himself said it best in TTS. Guardsman, Space Marines, Custodes. They are all just humans at different stages of evolution while Big E himself in the final evolution. Closest to what could be considered power that could rival the old ones.

[@Mad.player]

Adeptus Custodes are basically kit bashed humans, but the kitbashing was done by a powergamer.

[@GearShotgun]

Yeah that sounds like the Emperor, but you can’t cut any corners when you’re playing against the chaos gods. You gotta min-max to hell and back.

[@uria3679]

Can we all agree that the Custodians and the Sisters of Silence are the closest thing to Pillar Men and Women in 40K?

[@chosenofkhorne2951]

Titans are the Jiorno Giovana of warhemmer and they are even more OP

[@funny_valentine6588]

I see your also a man of culture aswell.

[@JonoSSD]

AYAYAYAAAAYYY

[@mavrick195]

Here's the real question... How much money does the Jojo community have to donate on patreon for them to do an episode where they flip the script and DK simps/explains Jojo's to Bricky for an hour+

[@lazymansload520]

QUIVER!

[@Goblinfoo]

The Custodes can see every move their enemy will make before they make it, memorize the slightest detail of their guard station in a decades long watch, and find every weakness that could be exploited on Holy Terra to do the Emperor harm, but can they see why kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch?

[@GORTROG]

Yes

[@vsGoliath96]

I'm sure at least one Custodes has probably bent his mind to solving that deep, philosophical question for a good few hundred years. Whether he succeeded is up for debate.

[@airplanemaniacgaming7877]

@@vsGoliath96 Nope, he's still working on it. it's been a while, but while he's on duty in the Eastern wing of the Golden Palace, he's been working on trying to answer that question over the past 10,000 years.

[@AliceLycoris]

I know you hate us bringing up Blood Angels all the time, but they also practice artistry in their spare time, which is why their armor is more ornate than other space marines.

[@ShahbazBokhari]

This! Also! Salamanders are known to share smelting techniques with the populas and are fans of things like scrimshaw and engraving. I know a lot of folks are tired of marines, but there is a lot of genuine nuance to be found between chapters and their parent legions. Fun fact, the Ultramarines especially are indeed interesting, as it is HEAVILY implied that they have gene seeds present from the two *REDACTED* Primarchs. (one of the early Horus heresy books re: the sheer size of the Ultramarines legion, I'll have to re-read them but a primarchs remarks about how their numbers seem to fit the idea of two under strength legions numbers being added but I digress), the point is is that the propaganda style of how information is often conveyed in 40k, always ends up catching folks. There's a helluva lot to find between the lines.

[@wilsthelimit]

My angle boys need something in their free time

[@CQBlitz0]

They stole some art supplies from a school and now they like art.

[@piotrborowiec7109]

Bricky on his channel: sh!ts on jojo Bricky on this channel: i'll f*cking do it again.

[@balticbvll2987]

is your mom going to find out you swore, why need to censor them

[@spacemain8261]

@@balticbvll2987 youtube likes to remove these kind of things

[@balticbvll2987]

@@spacemain8261 nah nigga ive seen many comments with swearing and those are years, months, weeks, days back, it isnt a police state

[@ryanchatel3675]

I just can't wait for Bricky to have to awkwardly explain alpha legion eventually.

[@YOGI-kb9tg]

if they do they have to introduce them selfs as alpharious.

[@mharizsaifuddin7059]

Is that because they supposely to be a loyal legion ?

[@oneone99able]

@@mharizsaifuddin7059 they are whatever the plot demands

[@XraynPR]

@@oneone99able ... or are they?!

[@filwilliamson9149]

If they do, then they had better read Head of the Hyrda.

[@sirgaz8699]

"No one in warhammer dies of old age" Doesn't Ciaphas Cain die of old age, eventually. Survived 100 ridiculous battles and retired to teach where he died of old age and was buried and given a monument but is still on active duty because he came back from KIA so many times the administratum locked his wages as active duty to save the hassle.

[@thejuiceking2219]

also Nork Deddog

[@sokratikas]

Fun thing is that costantin valdor had around 1928 names before the heresy,and they had to be written also outside his armour for how many they were

[@mikecampos1193]

It he kitten and how do have one hottie like that eldar gal can we normal guys get some that.

[@ultramarinescaptain3840]

So how it works is that Custodians start with there birth name, there family surname, and the place they were born. Then they are gifted where they were trained, after that its honorific titles like Imperator, or Oculus, depending on what they did, and specific places they fought and shown exemplary skill. So yeah, it gets real long, real fast.

[@alek7998]

@@ultramarinescaptain3840 Actually their name is taken from historical figured, unlike the schola, it's since the early age of Terra. Like Ra, who was a Tribune named after the Egyptian God Constantin Valdors first name is probably from the Roman emperor

[@ultramarinescaptain3840]

@@alek7998 Ah, well my mistake then.

[@filwilliamson9149]

In the newest Bequin book the main characters find a book full of names. The first name is Constantin Valdor, which implies that his name is so long it fills a book now.

[@Ser_Matticus]

At least to my knowledge there has been one death of old age in 40k in the books, and that death Sparked an almost two decade long siege of an imperial world by the death korps

[@sonofjack6286]

Technically his predecessor died of old age, Xaphan got turned into a Chaos spawn.

[@Ser_Matticus]

@@sonofjack6286 yes but it was the predecessor's death that lead to Xaphan's ascension as cardinal which lead to the event's leading up to the siege of Vraks

[@joshfloyd691]

There is another one, where the salamanders crashed on a planet that had a salamander from the horus heresy. The old salamander passed on a message, then died cause he hasn't moved in 4 millenia, and all muscled atrophied.

[@Installah]

@@joshfloyd691 Hey, that free gene seed!

[@KeoaruboruOfficial]

Bruh I literally wait for these every week and they can't possibly come out fast enough for me to get enough, i love you guys so much

[@froggy2401]

Can confirm this statement is true to all

[@blazingfire90034]

@@froggy2401 can confirm this statement as true as well.

[@Sgt-Wolf]

"KISS ASS!"

[@tumage8592]

When you desperately wait for the next Episode but the last one was yesterday

[@efraintarin3920]

That thoka..

[@DUCKDUDE4100]

A character dying of old age is actually what started the seige of vraks, the dude was a couple of centuries old, but still.

[@heathenpride7931]

400 years, to be exact

[@sunjian5458]

I wanna see a story, or at least brief blurb about a Guardsmen that actually hates his Custodian savior because all of his comrades and other guardsmen around him died but he survived thanks to the Custodes. So he takes the chance to lash out angrily about how: "You have all that power but you saved me, what about them? What makes me special?" Then after he's done he just asks the Custodian if he overcame the loss of his brothers in arms if they've even lost any, and the Custodian tells him: "I never did."

[@Fourtytwo4242]

Problem is a Custodian lacks emotion, chances are he just say "why would that matter? why would a single life be worth more then those of millions? You serve to save only them, once you serve no purpose, you will die like your brothers, once I serve my purpose I will die, your brothers serve to only die, so those of millions can live." This is the big difference between space marines and custodians, Space marine has this brother bond and can even relate to a normal human, Custodian is not a normal human, he barley even human, he was built cell by cell to serve a single purpose, he knows this, he does not see any other point beyond this single goal. If you ask a Custodian if he cares he honestly say "does it matter?". This is also why serving with a space marine is a lot better then serving with Custodian, because at least there a bit of humanity with him.

[@Gustav_Kuriga]

@@Fourtytwo4242 They don't lack emotion though.

[@pretzelbomb6105]

@@Gustav_Kuriga They’ve spent dozens of lifetimes guarding a tomb, always watching and waiting for those who would kill the corpse it holds, always wary of their own shortcomings for any weakness that can be exploited is unacceptable. They could paint a masterwork of every citizen they’ve ever seen yet they haven’t glimpsed one in a century. The could write a tragedy that brings hardened guardsmen to tears yet know little of the tragedies and sorrows happening every day outside the palace walls. For 10 millennia they have atoned for their failure and not once has their guilt wavered or lessened. They gave up their humanity to the Emperor, and what little remained rotted alongside him.

[@Gustav_Kuriga]

@@pretzelbomb6105 Fun fact, guilt and mourning are emotions.

[@pretzelbomb6105]

@@Gustav_Kuriga They have emotions, but they’re so different from the average Imperial as to be effectively alien.

[@seankohzhen]

"Custodians dedicated to terrorism" yeah that's my favorite shield host for ya!

[@KillTeamHungary]

I love the Golden Boys. And the hype is real now, since Syama Pedersen, the Creator of Astartes is now working on a CUSTODES Animation!

[@qwertylockjaw5915]

I had not heard about this, I am now BEYOND excited.

[@notribadsvault]

“Know this last truth. The Emperor is not a god, he is a man, but not a forgiving man- nor am I” -Custodian shield captain (From the book Gate Of Bones)

[@wolvenavina2524]

THE GOLD STRIPPER PODCAST IS HERE

[@crabman962]

*PROHIBITION HAMMER*

[@tigerii10.5cmpog4]

D E L E T E

[@AdamantAlex]

THEY MENTIONED IT!!! I thought that they would mention the TTS.

[@jessenielsen7218]

They forgot Kitten

[@XtreemAlan]

They have Silver Kitten in the Thumbnail

[@nohrianscum9791]

Kind of impossible to discuss Custodes without TTS coming into the conversation.

[@MansMan42069]

@@nohrianscum9791 Unfortunate. Good riddance to TTS.

[@watchingvideosalot3960]

A single custode with only a misericordia, Guardian Spear and 1 remaining wound 1v1ed Nemesor Zahndrehk and killed him in a round. I had to take a shower after that game.

[@stephaniepotts8256]

A cold one I presume

[@Argonisgema]

I once fought someone using costodies. i was using tyranids and all he brought was a couple models and i just planketed my side of the field with nids. i lost that match and i didn't even kill one of them. i was very salty.

[@kocashima]

Man his saves must have been on point, I have yet to beat my buddie who plays Nids

[@Cru128]

Humanity, fuck yeah.

[@CQBlitz0]

“Ain’t stealing my jeans today ya damn bugs” I know I said jeans.

[@thejuiceking2219]

@@Cru128 tyranids, your game is through cause you have to answer to...

[@spiritvdc5109]

Lore accurate Custodes go brrrrrr xDDDDD

[@syvarris467]

And to quote Oculus, “each Custodian is a genetic treasure beyond worth” since the creation process is so convoluted and arcane. (edited for spelling)

[@mgschlegel1205]

15:50 WRONG! The current Captain-General is named Kitten, heretic.

[@AnotherMC]

*Yes*

[@twoscarabsintheswarm9055]

@Captain-General Kittonius Captain General! How has your mission to Mars gone so far?

[@crusadertachanka5883]

@Captain-General Kittonius How's your thing with Shadowsun? XD

[@madmanvarietyshow9605]

@Captain-General Kittonius LITTLE KITTEN YOU MUST SQUAT MORE FREQUENTLY

[@floridaball4896]

It is Kitten's true identity

[@Kalianos88]

"Nobody dies from old age or a heart attack" This is so true, I was shocked an imperial guard colonel/general in the book Helsreach died of a heart attack before an orc invasion. Was surreal.

[@blingsing5383]

Commissar (Redacted) missing a battle due to his diabetes is something I need in my life

[@uchnsn]

Can't wait until they get a cameo in ETTS.

[@MansMan42069]

Good riddance

[@The_Rage_Kage]

"Constantine Valdor is one of the actual heroes" *Eisenhorn intensifies*

[@ShahbazBokhari]

The day GW genuinely makes a Custodes turn traitor is the day I pack my minis away for good.

[@atlas6538]

@@ShahbazBokhari that's impossible since they're designed to be loyal to empeor subconsciously

[@bryan0x05]

@@atlas6538 there's setup for the yellow king to be valdor but i hope they don't go there route

[@GalanThings]

oh god no, Abnett is basically writing shitty fanfics one after another at this point

[@lordfarquad8913]

@@GalanThings big disagree

[@EdBurke37]

"Guilliman's like 5e D&D" That is the BEST desctiption of Rowboat Gillman I've ever heard.

[@cryamistellimek9184]

It’s actually pretty terrible.

[@hmmyou2544]

@@cryamistellimek9184 How so?

[@cryamistellimek9184]

@@hmmyou2544 Because it’s saying that he’s a boring, generic, ok and non offensive primarch that is meant to be bland when in reality he’s one of the best written. It’s also a jab at 5e which given how Bricky says it, sounds like he doesn’t play that often any DnD. So he’s making a comparison he doesn’t even understand enough to make correctly.

[@hmmyou2544]

@@cryamistellimek9184 hm

[@anshumanbose5132]

Yeah no. That's terrible comparison. I love Bricky but most of his 40k "lore" is basically his headcannon.

[@prestonjones1653]

I cannot imagine the Custodes "appearing in a ball of golden light" without being accompanied by *Awaken My Quivering Abs.*

[@charolettebacon6740]

I always imagined the custodes as like... custodeans (or groundskeepers), i imagine them dressed up in the stereotypical blue janitor jumpsuit just barely fitting over their armor and they're just mopping the emperor's throne room with little headphones barely fitting on their heads

[@aidanmatthewgalea7761]

and deep cleaning the emperor's husk-body with marble polish, soap and disinfectant

[@TITAN_101]

Random civvie on a tour of the Golden Palace "What's the story about that long hall we just passed threw lined with tall epic golden statues?" Tour Guide "Statues? OH!... they aren't statues" Civvie O.O! "oh... which way to the nearest washroom?"

[@greenEntertainer.]

47:06 "If you had to choose the good guys of 40k, I would go with the custodians." *Sweats in Battle of Mount Arrarat*

[@Haloister]

What are you on about, there was never a battle there. In fact that mountain holds no significance.

[@hueghh3775]

Clearly, there is no mountain going by that name. Nor is there unusually shaped deposits of ceramite.

[@MangoDragn]

Custodian: Congratulations, citizen. You have been chosen to serve the Emperor as a scribe Citizen: Praise be to the Emperor for this honor! Custodian: In order for you to preform this most vital task we must cut off your nuts Citizen: . . . What?

[@brosephnoonan223]

The faction of choice of famed actor, Greek God, *EPIC* Gamer, and all around swell fellow... *_𝑯 𝑬 𝑵 𝑹 𝒀 𝑪 𝑨 𝑽 𝑰 𝑳_*

[@mrcopycat2355]

That guy could play an awesome Rowboat Guillimam

[@brosephnoonan223]

@@mrcopycat2355 Who's Rowboat Gullimam? Did you mean Rabi Goolimon?

[@johnjoestar5111]

@@brosephnoonan223 Nah man, It's Rubmeoff Girlyman.

[@hmmyou2544]

@@johnjoestar5111 Rhubarb Ghoulpants

[@andiibrams7188]

@@hmmyou2544 No, it's rowboat girlymen

[@vokkun3076]

*AYAYA intensifies*

[@stingray2223]

oh god, this entry!!

[@dominicwalli]

For Space Marines they use Teenagers and up, sometimes even full grown adults. For Custodians, they use kids, and modifications much more significant than gene seeds, custodians are build with the same bio matter used for Primarchs, hence why they are significantly more powerful and harder to produce.

[@marseldagistani1989]

So in Halo term Space Marines are Spartan IV, whith teenagers And Custodes are Spartan II on Steroids

[@Tastylettuce12]

“How can I be the best man if the Emperor is the best man?” “No…you’re my best man.” *Custodes thumbs up*

[@MultiSpoofa]

PLEASE DON'T STOP UPLOADING THIS IS THE BEST THING SINCE RECAFF.

[@professorsimosuchus7954]

imagine a Warhammer game with the structure of star wars battlefront 2

[@jeambeam3173]

With mix of Battlefield as i think it does vehicle warfare better i can just imagine the shenanigans of moving past a building or though trees and getting ambushed by Ork Komandos or Gene Stealers from above

[@shadowstrider8295]

Just imagine if you're a Rogue Trader, and some guy bigger than a Space Marine and wearing a black cloak shows up. And then you and your crew gets kidnapped by a Chaos Cult, and you tell him about it and he's just like "A Chaos Cult, huh?" and then he shows up and solo kills the entire cult.

[@Orionk0k0117]

Adeptus Custudes are my favorite faction! I definitely recommend you guys read/ listen audible Watchers of the throne series. You dive into the perspective of a Shield Captain Custodes, a sister of Silence, and a high lord. It dives into the politics of the High Lord, how Terra reacted to the fall of Cadia and the Astronomican failing, how Custodes and Sisters of silence react to this new threat. Sister of Silence were always shunned by the Imperium so they were never given any help or supplies. They were forced to become independent and rely on finding new recruits and supplies. 4000 Custodes took part in the defense of the Lions gate against 60 cohorts of Bloodthirsters and greater demons. 2000 Custodes lost their lives. Some could have been saved, but they didn’t have enough Dreadnaught suits to entomb their fallen comrades They find recruits like the Space Marines , but they select only the purest Terran. Majority of their recruitment comes from the Holy Terra’s elite families. Lords and Ladies of Terra were willing to sacrifice their entire children and bloodline to receive the honor that their offspring shall become a Custodian. While Space Marine transformation is all “science” related, to become a Custodian involves Alchemy. The neophyte receives the blood of the Emperor and their Soul literally transforms like their physical body. This is the reason why creating one takes forever. Not many humans could endure their very souls transform into the shape the Emperor wants.

[@smh6761]

"la de da de daa, look at you stupid Xenos" is my favourite quote now

[@madwill6569]

Could you imagine if a Custodes came to protect a Death Korps of krieg. Custodes: I must protect you. Death korps of krieg: Why won't you let me die.

[@Cru128]

For anyone else, it would be the best thing, for the Kriegs, it’d be torture.

[@alexyoblick]

This reminds me of a gag from asdf. It’s about a muffin who wants someone to eat him but they always say no thanks. It hits the point where he’s practically begging to die.

[@Nempo13]

Krieg are DEEPLY religious. If the golden boys show up, their words would be law. If they protected a Kriegsman, that man would be heaped with honors and removed from active service. There would be no issues...whatever they told him he would take as gospel truth.

[@zefended7413]

Its muffin time! ​@@alexyoblick

[@Dentson]

Now I really want fan art of Coustodes having a slam poetry session

[@spitandfire]

Tell him about if the emperor had a text to speech device. The perfect amount of accurate lore and their own bullshit

[@joshuablake4595]

Bricky, please do make that Custodian, Guardsman buddy buddy fanfiction, that would be a hoot to read

[@salizar2074]

Fun fact: Custodes aren’t explicitly warriors. That’s just another hobby of their’s. If an Astartes is a gun, every Custodes is a Mona Lisa. Not to mention in Watchers of the Throne (or the sequel, I forget the exact name) Custodes like dad jokes!

[@Fourtytwo4242]

Another big thing is they also respect and like the sisters of silence, out of everyone in the universe Custodes have a high respect for them. It super common for them to work together and fight together, even the sisters of silence look like mini female Custodes. I bit up set he did not talk about them because Sisters and Custodes are tied together.

[@ShahbazBokhari]

@@Fourtytwo4242 excellent comment. Really hope when they relaunch Custodes for 9th edition they should be joined with the Sisters of Silence. Talons of The Emperor!!

[@filwilliamson9149]

Wait I’ve read Watchers of the Throne and I don’t recall any dad jokes. Where did they make these jokes?

[@theoverpreparerlamenters3r436]

Yes, dad joke super demigod uncles.

[@Ben-hz3hp]

Well, i bet they also helped the big-E with good parenting tipps and tricks.

[@JC-uz3ey]

25:25 they voluntarily retire, and become the eyes of the Emperor, but the fighting strength never wanes from 10,000. Technically this means that there are more than 10,000 demi-gods roaming about the Imperium, which can be called back for service in an emergency.... because slightly diminished combat capability still translates to "WILL UTTERLY WRECK YOU, YOUR COMPANY AND YOUR HIVE WORLD".

[@Florkl]

Yeah. Their definition of “I’m too old,” is, “Instead of reacting in .1 nanoseconds I reacted in .11 nanoseconds. I must go off into exile and serve the Emperor from outside of Terra.” I imagine that many vital hive worlds have tales in the lower levels of some random dude in a black shawl just massacring entire cults with his bare hands.

[@reubenfromow4854]

“Sometimes they’ll choose to protect single random civilians for the safety of the imperium” *random citizen*: “hey mum, I’m hoome” *mother*: “oh Thomas! Did you get those tomatoes I asked for? *Random civilian*: “yeah, and erm... I brought friends... *Adeptus Custodes*: “[GREETINGS CIVILIAN WOMAN. I BROUGHT GRAPES.]”

[@frantisekpreissler4217]

'Captain General' AH YES, KITTEN!

[@captain-generalkitten6887]

You mentioned me?

[@frantisekpreissler4217]

@@captain-generalkitten6887 *Happy Sororitas over Celestine level fanboy noises* Ahem, yes my lord I have.

[@MiguelSanchezDelVillar]

The golden pilar men of the Imperium, AWAKE!

[@JTruong3rd]

My favorite custodes is one called kitten. And a single custodes is basically one step away from being a primarch, and what they can survive is quite something. One of them got impaled in the head with a power spear and to their surprise the custodes was still alive and staring back with full hatred.

[@Kyrobinthian]

I thought the blood games involved more of letting chaos prisoners loose in the imperial palace to hunt down in order to keep they're skills sharp

[@ZeroNumerous]

They do that too, but the Blood Games also rely on specific Custodians trying to break into the palace.

[@masontatum8736]

"Part 3 sucks" Fist of the North Star is great, wtfdym.

[@commissarbearz]

Part 5 sucks :D

[@cadufraga6851]

@@commissarbearz but man The Godfather is great!

[@commissarbearz]

@@cadufraga6851 yes the movie but not jojo version of it.

[@samuraibear5102]

I'm gonna actually you on the gunblade thing. Sam didn't have a gunblade his sheath just had a gun trigger to eject his sword

[@blingsing5383]

That is so unnecessarily metal I love it

[@master-of-frogs5415]

Me: “Hey, that was a pretty good episode; and they’re doing Tyranids ne-“ Bricky: “Get fucked tyranid players” Me: *sad bioform noises*

[@michaelgeorges763]

That was savage.

[@derekdrake8706]

As a Tau player, I can relate.

[@stingingcashew2321]

15:47 I prefer to call him by his real name. Kitten.

[@NameIsDoc]

The irony of shy censoring is hilarious

[@derekdrake8706]

I was about to say the same thing lol

[@lewisvargrson]

If an Astartes ever died of natural causes, I would imagine it would be along the lines of Doc Holiday in the movie Tombstone. Laying on his deathbed, looking at his bare feet realizing that he didn't actually die standing with his boots on in a gunfight saying: "I'll be damned, isn't this funny?" 42:39 Someone needs to animate the Guardsman and Costodes Show part of this.

[@kennymartin5976]

So the Aquilian Shield have Oracles basically, they give them prophecies and the shield protects people in the prophecies. My favourite part is that not only do they show up unannounced, but they also leave unannounced. Once the prophecy is fulfilled they leave you, if you're safe or not. 🤣

[@aaronscott7467]

Last edition I made a DIY unkillable bike captain, and it actually had really similar stats. It was an iron hands captain, put on a bike, with artificer armor, a storm shield, and the burning blade, and the specific iron hands thing that buffed their passive 6+ essentially feel no pain to a 5+. The only time that captain died was in an explosion from a super heavy guard tank

[@UltimaOmega777]

I think the only person to ever die of old age is good ol' Ciaphus Cain, HERO OF THE IMPERIUM.

[@CthulhuOnCam]

I am so here for Guardsmen and Custodian sitcom

[@jacobp7037]

*Custodes Bodyguard* May I have some of your mcnuggies guardsmen.

[@lordmars2387]

A space marine begins implementation prepuberty around 7. All the nobles of terra must provide their first born sons to the Emperor. The work on these possible custodes begins almost immediately after birth. The Emperor personally customizes the gene-craft to each baby more in depth then any astartes could hope for. All they know is the Emperor, all they care for is the Emperor, all they live and die for is the Emperor. Also apparently there is a higher rate of failure in their creation than the astartes so they've never numbered more than 10,000.

[@mossnodachi350]

tts definitely helped, but this episode is what full-on cemented my journey into acquiring the golden banana boys as my first 40k army lol.

[@funnyman4311]

I like to imagine that a custodes is guarding the exterior of the golden palace, and an imperial citizen walks up the many flights of stairs and starts doing cringe ass dances, and this custodian, is having none of it. In the blink of an eye the custodian stabs the citizen through the chest and kicks them back down the several flights of stairs, through the guard posts, shattering all of the citizen's bones killing them by the time they reach the bottom. The other custodes brother nearby asks "what was the reasoning behind your actions, brother?" and then the custodes replies "they were being cringe, brother." "Fair enough" the custodes brother says. And then they both go back to being to unmoving and emotionless for the next few centuries

[@ThePunishersRevenge]

Thank you to Pat for shouting out this podcast as it has become one of favorite podcasts to listen to. Also thank you for letting me know of If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device as i have never seen it and so far it has been absolutely hilarious.

[@vulkan4108]

Me a Jojo fan listen to Bricky absolutely shiting about Jojo: :,) *pain*

[@TheChaoticToaster]

Yeah I know. It hurts. I’m not gonna fault a man for his opinion, but still. Big sad.

[@GeneralBradley101VA]

Kittennnnnn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, ...I mean Captain General, uh Sir, would you like some milk?

[@verbalbbq7976]

As a long time fan of 40k who’s brushing up on the latest lore after a few year long hiatus, i gotta say I immensely enjoy this podcast. Most of the info I already know, but it’s conveyed in such a funny, witty, natural and entertaining way that I have binged all of the episodes you made so far in just 3 days. Keep up the amazing work!!

[@pinguinthecity4603]

I can see it now, its the buff doge vs cheems image, the buff doge is of course a custodes, who says: “We are the adeptus custodes, the last line of the defense for our glorious emperor against the horrors of this galaxy and anything beyond!” And then cheems(who could be doge vandire, just a standard space marine or maybe even a lamenter) who simply says: “more like custodeez nuts”

[@robinfalkner-wedge824]

If I recall, I think Constantine Valdor managed to beat 30 marines from the Thousand Sons in melee combat, presumably the elite guards of Magnus or something, and they were able to see in to the future while fighting, and he beat them without taking any injuries.

[@bengrogan9710]

I have a gut feeling that the ever expanding names of Custodes are a defense against the warp - It's been referenced in a few black library books that knowing the full true name of something grants you power over it By ever expanding the name it's like re-randomizing passwords so they can't be hacked

[@filwilliamson9149]

Also, good luck trying to pronounce a Custodian’s full name in combat before he kills you.

[@derskalde4973]

"They're the guards of the holy sea, they're the guards of christianity!" - The Last Stand, Sabaton

[@korstmahler]

See*

[@weareharbinger914]

As TTS emps says 'my massive army of golden people.'

[@chaserandalow8548]

Run a game where you have five custodes fully dedicated to protecting a single guardsmen

[@CheckingForPulse]

If you die from old age in wh40k, you are a Badass regardless of whatever you were in charge of.

[@baconterrorist945]

I've always thought of custodes like how say a salamander is to Vulkan A custodes is to the Emperor

[@Lacklustergamer83]

Thank you guys for posting your content on youtube. It has made my long work commutes far more tolerable, and has furthered both my knowledge and enjoyment of the 40k lore!

[@homelessstone7674]

Therapist: Wide Big E Money doesn't exist. He can't hurt you. Wide Big E Money:

[@Medc-]

MY FELLOW CUSTODES STANDS: LIKE AND COMMENT, IF YOUR ABS TOO QUIVER AT THE SOUND OF OUR GLORIOUS OVERLORD!

[@KirillTheBeast]

Me, back in 4th or 5th edition seeing a custodian in codex art: Man, I wish I could have some of these in my games... Also me, now that we can actually play custodians: Too late, it's all pillar men now...

[@homie_tatz]

man oh man what a pre retcon lore

[@Baandaed]

Ok...you guys need to watch "If the Emperor had a text to speech device."

[@Dunwichruler]

11 minutes in already feel the um actuallys in my brain trying to claw out lol

[@erayergi]

since TTS has been mentioned you should do a TTS reaction video series here, it's a must do now imo :D

[@Error-mn4el]

the absolute thickness of the size comparison was impressive

[@jasonburke1671]

Sadly bricky forgot that rhe Imperial fists were also fighting off the khorne daemons, even lost their chaoter master