ADHD and Sex | ADHD | Episode 61

Sexual behavior, especially risky sexual behavior, is associated with ADHD. Might this be related to…
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[@Yahman1969]

I have a wife with adhd and a 10 year old step son with it. I am extremely worn down

[@DrJohnKruse]

There are support groups on-line and in many cities for the partners of people with ADHD.

[@jdxx59]

I believe these higher rates is because of impulsivity.

[@6548ww]

The low sex drive people with ADHD have can be a relationship killer but so can the hyper sexual nature can too it can led to countless affairs, STDs or unwanted pregnancy that may not even be your child actually I prefer my wife in hyper sexual mode but if you don’t watch her every move it can lead to infidelity as it did with my wife I am more educated now than I was a few years ago it is very mentally and physically draining I have to watch my wife and certain signs like a toddler or things can spin out of control very quickly

[@DrJohnKruse]

Your comment reminds me of what a patient said regarding his wife with ADHD. He said it was like "having another child" and took so much energy to tend to her needs and keep her safe.

[@s0me0nelse]

It can be a relationship killer even if she is loyal, because she won't be satisfied and officially break up from this, like what I had with my ex, both were with ADHD, he was hyper and impulsive, I was only impulsive. He wanted sex at least 3 times a week, and I was satisfied by 1, and after years it became like chore, what can I do? There's nothing exciting in having sex with the same person over and over and over it doesn't matter how much you love him! That's a fact! He was very offended by that, especially because he knew how of a sex addict I am when I'm single, he interpretated that as me not really loving him, and a proof to his lower esteem 😢

[@johnnyarenas6697]

@@s0me0nelse sex once a week while having a sex addiction? nah you really didnt love him lmao

[@cobuck4007]

I just recently discovered your videos and am very grateful that you do them. I have found them far more informative, digestible, and useful than most of the videos that typically pop up in a KZbin search. Thank you! Listening to this particular video, a question that has been on my mind for years came to mind: Is there any relationship or influence between ADHD and homosexuality? Do you have any thoughts?

[@DrJohnKruse]

I'm not aware of any rigorous data that draws any conclusions on this topic. We do have some evidence that a cluster of neuro-atypical features are more likely to cluster together than one would expect by random chance. (e.g. Left-handedness is more common in the LGBTQ world, and is more common among those with ADHD.) Working in San Francisco for thirty years, and having a home office in the heart of the Castro for twenty of those years, I certainly saw a disproportionate number of adults with ADHD who happened to be gay, lesbian, trans or elsewhere on the LGBTQ spectrum. Working with individuals who both have ADHD and are LGBTQ, there are often striking parallels between the two conditions, and feelings of being different, being treated differently (and often negatively) by parents/peers/teachers/bosses and the shame/hiding that this treatment can evoke.

[@cobuck4007]

@@DrJohnKruse Thanks for the thoughtful reply. As one with both “conditions”, I can confirm it’s difficult to separate the two in terms of understanding which is the major source of difficulties and thus deserves the greatest focus/blame. Thanks again for what you do!

[@jhalaby1]

Dr Kruse, I am enjoying your videos. (I have a 10 year old son recently diagnosed ADHD and am learning all that I can.) You spoke of how the ADHD brain was likely super successful in hunting and gathering days. You go on to speculate that the evolutionary survival of ADHD brain might be due to the early and active sex and procreational lives of folks with ADHD. Doesn't that speculation presuppose the non ADHD brain is more desirable/adaptive than the ADHD brain? I find that interesting. Especially since you --when you question the "ideals" of long term monogamous relationships and single-occupation careers --clearly question that yourself.

[@DrJohnKruse]

The assumption that the non-ADHD brain is more adaptive/desirable in this context is based on the simple observation that a large majority of humans (approximately 90%) do not have ADHD.

[@s0me0nelse]

‏‪22:01‬‏ Polyamory, open relationship, there are many solutions..

[@Dancestar1981]

Not all people with ADHD have risky sex with multiple partners some are completely the opposite

[@DrJohnKruse]

Yes, and that is why I directly put that disclaimer in the video. We are discussing group tendencies or averages here.

[@Theyoutuberpolyglot]

@@DrJohnKruseI don’t feel pleasure when I have sex. I have diagnosed with ADHD and schizoaffective disorder.

[@merijnvanschaik4989]

True, very true. But other factors are also in play: I have inattentive ADHD and I like sex a lot (and erotica in general). Still I did not display risky behaviour per sé. Partly because of the fact that soe anxiety also was in play: I didn't want to become a dad at 16, I was scared to be accused for herassment, for example. However, in the relationships I have had and still have sex IS an important component.

[@s0me0nelse]

‏‪8:56‬‏ I have ADHD which is impulsive dominant with no attention impairment, and I suffer from delayed ejaculation, I want to explain what could be the ADHD related causes. 1. Too much ejaculation and sex keep the physical sexual tension low in my body, so while I want the excitement, my body isn't recovered from last ejaculation. 2. When not on meds everything I do is more intense, not calm, my voice, my motorics, and also my grip, which can cause the "death grip syndrome" look it up. 3. For erection I need to be on my sympathetic state, which is natural to me, no problem, I'm excited.. for ejaculation on the other hand, I need to calm, relax, be focused in the sensation and let go, and I got so much in my head during sex, so many unimportant details, so many overthinking about my partenr, the sex, what happend before it, that sometimes after working for hours I just give up without cumming, if the other partner cum before me I feel like I saved, salvation. Tell me what you think doc

[@DrJohnKruse]

It sounds reasonable. Lots of physical and psychological factors contribute to sexual performance, and as you point out, there is a delicate balance between sympathetic nervous system effects for erections and parasympathetic for orgasm/ejaculation.