ADHD Behavior 101 - Top 5 Things Parents Need To Know

ADHD Dude provides parent training through the ADHD Dude Membership Site, in-person school-year programs, and summer camps. ADHD Dude is not gender-specific content.
𝗔𝗗𝗛𝗗 𝗗𝘂𝗱𝗲 𝗶𝘀 𝗥𝘆𝗮𝗻 𝗪𝗲𝘅𝗲𝗹𝗯𝗹𝗮𝘁𝘁, 𝗟𝗖𝗦𝗪, 𝗔𝗗𝗛𝗗-𝗖𝗖𝗦𝗣
Ryan is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Certified School Social Worker, and father to a son with ADHD & learning differences. ADHD Dude is based in Tucson, Arizona.
𝗣𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗲 𝗷𝗼𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗔𝗗𝗛𝗗 𝗗𝘂𝗱𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝘂𝗻𝗶𝘁𝘆:
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ADHD Dude is for educational purposes. I am not serving in a clinical capacity and cannot provide clinical consultation or free advice through KZbin comments, email, etc.
#adhddude #ryanwexelblatt #adhdkids #adhdchildren #adhdkidstreatment #adhdsocialskills

[@sashaflip7450]

I think the hardest part is everyone else’s opinions when you’re parenting. People always want to tell you what you’re doing wrong and what they do or would do if they were my kids parent.

[@ADHDDude]

Absolutely, people love to insert their opinions about parenting, just keep in mind that you can learn to hear it as "noise".

[@Dessthemess]

Thank you so so much. I’m a single mom of a 6 year old. I don’t have family and his dad isn’t in the picture so I’ve been on burnout mode for many many years now. He started school this year and as you can imagine, we’ve been facing some struggles. As hard as I’ve worked as a parent, I still feel like I’m failing him. I’m going to do my best to be more assertive so he’s able to succeed.

[@ADHDDude]

Glad you found the channel. Keep in mind that the American Academy of Pediatrics treatment recommendations for ages 6 and up are medication management in conjunction with parent training (provided through the ADHD Dude Membership Site). Individual therapy is not a recommended treatment and no type of individual therapy has proven to be effective in addressing ADHD-related challenges.

[@TheHappiness1980]

Same position you are in. We are doing the best we can

[@rennattaforde5656]

Same just 7 years soon to be 8

[@sdi1979]

Same here except my son is 9

[@stevenbigbee1766]

Use your gut brain and mom love if advised to medicate your child. Friends that chose not in long run have enjoyed better outcomes. Sad our medical system is diagnose and medicate. No one addresses diet. For teens an example: school district in new york state 2016 the alternative school for the troubled kids adhd aspbergers autistic just happened to get foods from Canada that were organic, no additives, they didnt have candy vending machines, chips erc. Those wonderful kids calmed, could give attention as they were sensitive to the dyes, chenicals, they all exccelled and perforned above the rest. We did this at a teen sheltee i worked at with visible differences. Also we are not born with a gene or lacking a gene making us adhd but passed on is sensitivity to our environment (boys more so) if my parents are stressed, health, finance,whatever i am going to Feel that and react..stress in particular when older inhibots our ability to ceeate dopamine. Me adhd autistic dad was insane but mom was stabke and I felt loved valued from her so i did well in spite of dad. Hoping tge best for u abd son, ur awesome.

[@goofball2228]

As a teen with ADHD, this makes so much sense. I process slower than everyone in my class and I have trouble controlling my behavior.

[@ADHDDude]

Hey if you see my video that I'm posting tomorrow with this guy Ben who's 19 he has slower processing also. I think you should watch it because you might be able to relate to him.

[@MichaelMI88-88]

@goofball2228 Hang in there buddy. You are already so much further ahead than most people with ADHD. What I mean is; I am a 35 year old young man. And I didn’t find out I have combination ADHD, but mostly inattentive type until I was 33. And long story short, since I had a history of self medicating for this undiagnosed ADD I didn’t realize I had, it was NOT easy to get diagnosed and then to actually get help for it. But I am doing better now, I did finally find the right doctors who actually cared to listen to me, and actually help me to explain how I was feeling, because that was part of the problem. But anyway you knowing you have it while still in high school or even college is a good thing! So just don’t give up, and remember; certain things in your life will always be harder for you then nero-typical people, that is normal. Don’t be discouraged by it, learn how to work with or around the problem. But also because you have ADHD, there will be certain things that come way easier to you then most people, and when you discover what those things are, it’s almost like you have super powers! 😊😊. So I try to enjoy my ADHD now, instead of fighting against it. Good luck to you young person, and never me ashamed of your self for having ADHD.

[@onememories8523]

You're great buddy. Hang in there. Thank you for sharing bud!

[@EPLair]

Thank you. Thank you. We are raising a 10-year-old, ADHD granddaughter. Windows have opened in my head. Seeing things from her point of view will change how I handle her. Wow. Thanks. I've been at my wits end. You've blessed all 3 of us!

[@ADHDDude]

Thank you for watching!

[@Gotcha64]

I’m in the same boat with my 8 year old granddaughter

[@darkangelkate3950]

Thank you for this. We have just discovered that my 8yo granddaughter is ADHD and i strongly suspect her mother is too. I am going this to her and learn from it too.

[@jojocoolgirl1777]

Omgosh yes, like making a separate meal, everytime for the child because they won't eat what everyone else is having

[@ADHDDude]

Yes, perfect example!

[@lindaklein5056]

I do this for my 11 year old and my mom (81) gets so mad at me! She was raised as was I you eat what mom cooked or go hungry .

[@nykka3]

This is my life!!!! So frustrating.

[@angelfieseler5358]

I feel this typical week starts with me making a bowl of noodles

[@racheljohnston8993]

This was incredibly eye opening for me. We suspect our son (4 1/2) has ADHD but hasn’t been diagnosed yet. We’re on a waiting list to get him evaluated and should get him in before Christmas but this video definitely helps me realize that some of my parenting has actually been part of the problem. I’ve been over accommodating in hopes of keeping the peace between my son and my 9 year old daughter. Like I’m just trying to keep him happy for everyone else’s sake but I realize now that’s actually making things worse. This was helpful. Thank you.

[@ADHDDude]

I'm glad it was helpful, thank you.

[@kaibethcruz-philippe9592]

This is gold!

[@ADHDDude]

Thank you!

[@AndreaGracie]

Good advice for all kids, not just adhd! ❤

[@heyjoo712]

Thank you so much for your advice. Here in South Korea, having a hard time raising my son, I am so happy to find this channel.

[@ADHDDude]

I'm happy you found it, thank you for watching. 🙏

[@adelitenyamhanga7823]

I needed this.

[@laurenmilosevic624]

Pure gold

[@suemarseglia4262]

Yes all so true and helpful. Thank you for these videos when I feel like I’ve just got my head above water! I’m getting better everyday managing my sons condition. Calmness is a huge help reducing stressful situations & great tips for natural consequences all so important for when they are adults. We are now focusing on him doing small jobs and contributing to the family household , even tho now at 8.5 yrs old he thinks he should be paid to do everything. Mmhm. Wouldn’t that be great in the real world. Small steps , all of us being on the same page , hopefully we will have an independent confident adult, with good morals and integrity.

[@ADHDDude]

Thank you so much for watching and keep doing exactly what you're doing, that's great!

[@magnolia1776]

Super helpful amazing content thank you

[@robertwarf3316]

Best video, at least my favorite, of all the uploads I've seen. Thanks Ryan

[@ADHDDude]

Thanks, really appreciate you watching!

[@FierceEQueen]

Omg! You nailed, i am suspecting my first born got ADHD because she tends to space out if she's focused on one thing, autism has been ruled out when i got her assessed due to her speech delay at 18 months old. I really noticed i speak to her in a calm manner eventhough i am not feeling calm inside, she responds better and is extremely excited when i am calm and she would respond to what i am saying and another thing i noticed, is i intentionally gently massage and caress her third eye right between her eyes and i kiss her there and keep my lips clinged there for a minute after i kiss her there, also i massage the back of her neck all the way to the back of her head to the front and her temple very gently in a tender manner and she loves it and i noticed it opens up her mind that keep having sort of a glitch. Our brain is like a computer and if we don't handle it with care it tends to malfunction or continue to glitch.

[@ADHDDude]

Yes :)

[@fett92208]

Thank you 😭

[@ElissaBispo]

Great video! Thank you!

[@ADHDDude]

thank you!

[@J316Ministries]

Wow! This is absolutely spot on!

[@ADHDDude]

Thank you!

[@valeriucc]

“Just make him do some chores, just send him to his room’” what if he say no and resist?

[@ADHDDude]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/a5DGkHiVnpuClac

[@moongoddess1978]

I’m getting better at putting up with the argument vortex and noise less. Me: “This discussion isn’t going anywhere right now, and I can tell you’re frustrated. Why don’t we take a break and talk about it later?” 99% of the time it’s not an issue later! 😂

[@ADHDDude]

Keep doing what you're doing 👍

[@emilyfriedman5820]

Ryan is always amazing. He has the added knowledge of being a parent of an ADHD son. Such wonderful information. I wish I had known this when my son was young, because I think I indulged a lot of his bad behavior. Fortunately he is 20 now and doing very well! Ryan gives the best advice of anyone!!!

[@ADHDDude]

Thank you so much, that really means a lot to me. 🙏

[@johnmiller5987]

This was the best video of the subject I have seen so far

[@ADHDDude]

Thank you so much for watching!

[@eloise-rw3sj]

Wow this sounds correct, I feel so bad.

[@ADHDDude]

Nothing to feel bad about, we are all a work in progress.

[@anamgcobo6135]

Thank you so much ❤️

[@ADHDDude]

You’re welcome 😊

[@georgianabodoiu59]

This video just validated my struggle and made me realize that some of my son's behaviour is because I have been to permissive and accommodating...

[@ADHDDude]

It's very common amongst parents of kids with ADHD, it's good you realize it. www.adhddude.com/scaffolding-better-behavior-preview/

[@codymehrton]

Thank you for this I am going to find this very helpful my son is 18 and runs my Life….. because like you said I have felt sorry for him because of his struggles with school etc

[@ADHDDude]

Yes, and feeling sorry for him leads to parental accommodation. The research shows accommodation does not help kids develop into independent young adults.

[@RivLau]

Excellent and informative video. Thank you for your content.

[@ADHDDude]

Thank you so much for watching!

[@sashanadavis9868]

Thank you for this video it’s really opened my eyes an I will start implementing your methods immediately

[@ADHDDude]

Thanks so much for watching!

[@Red_1976]

Thanks for your tips.

[@ADHDDude]

Thank you for watching!

[@mgmg77867]

❤this is awesome. I baby sit kids that have adhd. Very helpful tips. Thanks so much!

[@ADHDDude]

Thanks for watching!

[@mikilove5637]

Thank you so much

[@ADHDDude]

You're most welcome!

[@lisacorley1626]

Woq reminds me of the incredible years parenting program thank you for sharing this is very helpful 😊❤

[@ADHDDude]

Thank you! I just recently read the Incredible Years book and felt like it was very aligned with what I teach so that's good to hear. :)

[@loridrew9933]

My son has ADHD and anxiety and this video has shed so much light!! Thank you!! Most of these tips are even helpful when it comes to my daughter with ASD, as she shares many of the executive functioning problems as those with ADHD. Although I do want to know, does the parental accommodation problem still apply to those kids with autism?

[@ADHDDude]

So glad to hear that, thank you. To answer your question - the parental accommodation issue is even more applicable to kids with autism, and I would say has an even more detrimental effect on them, in my experience.

[@yesindeed3751]

I feel like this is relevant just in general for kids. This applies across the board

[@ADHDDude]

Yes, absolutely.

[@sharonnaidoo7106]

My grandson was diagnosed with ADH and just listening to your video. Its hard to deal with kids like this. But we are experiencing a different kind of behaviour with him he does not sit still for one second he does not sleep early he does not play ball he does not play with his brother that is younger than him he does not have a moment of stillness his behaviour is so not normal he is 10 years of age he refuses to do school work he refuses to write axams he refuses to go to school he makes fun of everything and screams and he doesnt like to be around boys he jumps around he brakes hos toys his yoner brother is a ball fan a kite fan his a normal child doing and loving normal fun kids ting but him oooooh no. He wont do anyting u tell him to do he will make fun and laugh he doesn't even sleep quiet his just a child to is hard to deal with he speaks inappropriate tings that is unexpected his mom is in tears all the time we try to give him choirs to keep him bzy to calm him but that doesn't even work. Punishment will be clean the yard lock him in his room but that his banging the doors the windows screaming it has become so bad that it uncontrollable .his a child that will not sleep early he will sleep 12 atnight 1in the morning everyone is a sleep but his doing something walking around in the house. he just cant be still for Asecond its hard 😭 so so hard. His so hyper active its uncontrollable he brackes all the toys we buy him his uncontrollable Please give advise. There is no peace with this little boy and it is heart braking 😢

[@ADHDDude]

You need to speak with your pediatrician. If he is unmedicated, I would not expect anything to improve in the near future.

[@darcysinger3430]

This is so helpful I have a 12 year old that has been struggling with ADHD and has started medication I feel that medication is just a Band-Aid to the underneath problem. This is very helpful to me.

[@ADHDDude]

Glad to hear it. I also see medication as a necessary band aid. To your point - "pills don't teach skills", which is what I do. :)

[@amethystrocks6433]

​@@ADHDDude *And*, medication can give the person with adhd a bit of a break from the racing mind, moving body, etc. That gives them a chance to learn & practice skills to deal with the issues they're struggling with.

[@francesreis5086]

I agree, it gives them the chance to learn skills, and gain confidence.

[@Rain_Reign]

I’m not 12 (far from it lol) but I gotta say that finally getting on a medication for my ADHD has changed my life! Things that used to be such huge obstacles for me (due to executive function problems and dopamine seeking) are now at the worst just momentary discomforts. I’m more content and relaxed more of the time, and much more productive. I see my meds as a cast rather than a band aid - and when you need a cast, you need a cast and nothing else will do ;-)

[@Lovetranbelalao7456]

Thank you so much for sharing idea sir,i am single mom and my son is 4 years

[@ADHDDude]

Thank you for watching!

[@ToniHancock]

What can i do when praise isnt working. He still seeks negative interactions. Even staring arguements, annoying others or getting into other personal space for attention?

[@ADHDDude]

These are things covered in Scaffolding Better Behavior, as well as the Behavior playlist here at the channel. Also, I can't answer questions without basic information like the child's age.

[@michellerodden3146]

"Clean up" method, in the future, wouldn't that create 1. an adult man who can not effectively communicate his bad behavior to his future wife and 2. Thinks he can buy her back with gifts ?? Although it may not mean anything to a 6 yo boy when he has to apologize he still should be taught that saying sorry is the first step and a priority in cleaning up

[@ADHDDude]

No, that is what is called a hypothetical narrative. Presuming that learning how to make amends at age 8 is going to lead to the behaviors you describe has no basis behind it whatsoever. Furthermore, I think it's important not to put this in the context of gender - presuming that only men are the ones who are capable of saying or doing something hurtful and then need to make amends. Cleaning it up is a way of taking accountability for one's words or behaviors. People like to create hypothetical narratives all the time, however there is no basis and evidence suggesting that these hypothetical narratives have any validity or will come true 30 years from now, which is why they're hypothetical.

[@michellerodden3146]

@ADHDDude oh absolutely, I was taught watch actions not words. So yes I agree 100% on that. Listening to you video, it seemed you didn't agree with "sorrys". To briefly summarize it, I teach my child, if we do something wrong, we say sorry first, like pushing for example. Take accountability, then follow it up with a nice gesture. Great video and wonderful Information thanks! 😊

[@ADHDDude]

Absolutely nothing wrong with saying sorry, I just think it needs to be accompanied by the accountability piece.

[@jbizzle7616]

This sounds like my 6 year old. He was diagnosed with ADHD today so here I am watching videos and it’s crazy to me how you know my kid already 😂

[@ADHDDude]

Welcome! Glad you found the channel.

[@mtdafishgod4099]

Very helpful thanks 🙏🏾

[@ADHDDude]

Glad it was helpful!

[@ankushmanhas5194]

Good

[@maureenkea5585]

My son has adhd his 10.he loves school but he doesn’t want to come home,he never accept school time is over .he also has tonic seizures,

[@europeangardenflower9812]

Must of this is relevant for all children.

[@ADHDDude]

Yes, I agree. Thank you

[@CharlotteG754]

I’m emotionally disregulated parent which makes it impossible for me to set an example.

[@ADHDDude]

If you decide that you can't grow, then yes, it is impossible, and that's unfortunate for your children. If you can shift your mindset and tell yourself that you can improve in this area, and it will take time, I am confident that if you commit yourself to do that, it will benefit your children and your relationship with them.

[@MitraKahen]

I absolutely love the clean up idea instead of a insincere sorry

[@ADHDDude]

Thank You!

[@bestrong7246]

This great advice Ryan. Will these strategies also work on a 13 yr old?

[@ADHDDude]

Yes, absolutely. The age group that I worked with the most is middle school.

[@aprilsmith9422]

My son is 4 and its been nothing but one thing after another he hasnt been diagnosed yet but he bites his nails and fingers to the point of bleeding he spills stuff multiple times a day hes constantly getting hurt and never not running. I feel everything i do is wrong. Never wants to eat what i make always wants other things.

[@ADHDDude]

I encourage you not to make this about you because you can't be helpful to him if you're stuck in self-pity. Parent Training (diagnosis or not) will be helpful, and stop accommodating his food inflexibility as that will make it worse, not better.

[@karend322]

I struggle with consequences with my daughter. She has been refusing to log in to her Zoom tutoring sessions because she doesn’t like the Achieve program school uses for her to read articles. The natural consequence would be her bad grade, but she is also affecting the tutor’s time. I even explained how the tutor is getting paid and by her not logging on she won’t be. I told her if she doesn’t log on she will lose screen time (Nintendo or gaming computer). I have to take your scaffolding course. Do you have any discounts on membership coming up?

[@ADHDDude]

The next discount will be memorial day weekend.

[@charlotteturner9896]

Would be really helpful to get some examples of cultivating flexibility

[@ADHDDude]

I have videos on the topic- If you type in ADHD Dude flexibility you'll see them.

[@eloise-rw3sj]

What happens if you can't stay calm yourself?

[@ADHDDude]

I'll tell you what I did - I made a commitment to practice affective calmness (which I teach in Scaffolding Better Behavior) and while it took years, I did improve. You can stay calm, it will just take a lot of practice.

[@Stephaniewashere]

👏 👏 👏

[@sanaanejjari7547]

My son is at 2nd grade is refusinv to do HW ans school work. Horrible behaviors in class. I don't know what to do

[@ADHDDude]

You can ask the school to do a Functional Behavior Assesment. If he is not medicated, it is unlikely you will see significant improvement.

[@bushraghaffar]

My 4.5 years old son went to kindergarten and after a month school started complaining that he do not sit in the class nicely during the lecture and hit, scratch and bite other kids, he tried spitting on teacher and hit the staff at school, besides all that child is very intelligent, he is good in sports and speaking skills and very social, he do not like noisy environment much. What you assess is this something like ADHD? The school said so in a meeting they called today, please reply and help I will be really grateful

[@ADHDDude]

It would not be appropriate for me to speculate on a diagnosis through a KZbin comment.

[@stephs335]

What if the behaviour you don’t want is dangerous? Should you handle it with affective calmness and make sure that they’re safe?

[@ADHDDude]

You would have to specify what you mean by dangerous behavior

[@stephs335]

@@ADHDDudeLet’s say they’re being violent towards a parent/sibling, self harming, breaking things or running away from the home. Things like that. Not something we are experiencing, but just curious.

[@ADHDDude]

facebook.com/adhddude.ryanwexelblatt/posts/pfbid02mDuphSsTkMSEUxTdjP3j2XS9ouYPB6rBqdpAsoCuX1vJTcTxkbTY75xLdTyntYi9l kzbin.info/www/bejne/fXqzaYeEgcmHndEsi=ZUGRdHT6H3PAiPGs

[@charlottebeeston6362]

My son is ADHD and ASD how do i help him in the inflexibility

[@ADHDDude]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/o4K1hJp8rreSa7ssi=CKMYlKAozjj4s9CY

[@user-qu8dt2ig2v]

Can i do this with laying? My sons doesnr really have extreme emotional shifts.

[@ADHDDude]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/oJikYYxopNmBqsUsi=SSvZjo74vsq6zqVQ

[@sharonnaidoo7106]

His not slow in learning his a very intelligent little boy. He does well in his assessments but wen it come down to writing axcams he refuses he say no he doesn't want to do it his excellent in maths so wat can be really the problem here. Please help

[@ADHDDude]

He doesn't like taking tests, maybe he feels pressured, which is understandable.

[@ManisbyHeather]

My son is struggling in school so bad. No diagnosis yet, but I’m almost positive he is add. He’s becoming physical with his behavior toward his teacher. He’s going to be 5 in November and he’s a fraternal twin. What can I do for him and the teacher until we get him seen. I’m so lost and his behavior can be extremely great to extremely out of character.

[@ADHDDude]

Ask the school to do a Functional Behavior Assessment

[@crystalsoul1111]

When my son is hitting or pushing i first go to the child who has been hurt and check in if they ok. I apologize and than I go to my son and just say, was that your best choice? What can you do about it? Hiw is this? Any further guidance please 🙏🏽🙏🏼🙏🏽

[@ADHDDude]

Rather than asking him if it was his best choice (which is a rhetorical question), I would ask him how he thinks the other child feels right now.

[@crystalsoul1111]

@@ADHDDude yes I do this too but still nothing changes?

[@ADHDDude]

Answer without knowing the child's age. Please check out the social skills playlist here at the channel

[@Glaiket]

😄