Adoptee and DNA Testing considerations

[@TM-rm1rj]

As an adoptee, who knew of it from an early age, I frankly wasn't very curious about discovering my genetic past until decades later -- when my son took a DNA test. I grew up in a wonderful home, as an only child, and my background was similar to that of my adoptive parents. So there was no shocking differences in our respective ethnicities. In other words, I fit in. However, curiosity did eventually get the better of me and I took an Ancestry and 23andMe test, and it has stunned me, a lot more than I imagined. I was able to get more background about my bio parents because NY changed its law, allowing adoptees to obtain their sealed, preadoption/original birth certificate. I just stared at it for hours -- the name of the actual woman who gave birth to me. I was unnamed at birth, and the birth father listed on the certificate, i have discovered, is not accurate. What blew my mind was the fact that my birth mother claimed (in the document) to have two (still living) children before me. I do not know if that is true. There were a couple of other "inaccuracies" on the original certificate that also muddy the picture. The DNA testing revealed I have a half sibling (based on his age, he had to be born after me) on my paternal line, along with a number of first cousins on both sides. My birth mother, I also learned, married in the year I was born, and had a daughter less than a year and a half after my birth. I have yet to (decide to) make contact with them; so far, no one has contacted me. I can't help but wonder what the circumstances were that made her give me up. That is the burning issue that haunts all of us adoptees, to one degree or another. These discoveries have irrevocably changed my world, and I am not clear how and whether to handle it. I don't want to disrupt anyone's lives -- and disclose hidden family secrets. I know my birth mother is deceased and, as I noted, I haven't nailed down a birth father, but am getting closer. I wouldn't be surprised in my birth mother (and father) carried their secret to the grave. I say all these things for a very simple reason. One you open pandora's box, there's no turning back. When you see something, you cannot unsee it. You need to be prepared for the emotional roller coaster and consequences. Best of luck. Peace.

[@briangarrett3070]

Hey Ben, I did the 23 and me test in 2014 and to make a long story short, found my bio-family. I discovered I have 5 half siblings (we all share the same father) and a whole extended family in West Virginia. Being raised in a Jewish family and also being gay, I was a little hesitant about sharing anything personal with the bios when we first started communicating (they are pretty much very Christian and conservative). But I was comfortable enough with myself that I could handle anything they through at me. Boy, was I surprised. Not only did they accept my sexuality, but welcomed me and my husband in with open arms. We steer clear of politics (always a good idea in any situation) but accept each other for who was are as people. I hope you go ahead with the the test and find out more about your genetic background. It doesn't change your "real" family (your dads, etc.) but it does satisfy an itch that may adoptees must feel about their background and ethnicity. At least it did for me. BTW, I discovered I am mostly Italian and a quarter Irish/English. Who knew! :-)

[@2AZSUN]

Hey Ben, great vid per usual. DNA testing is interesting and fascinating all at the same time. I did ancestry a few yrs ago and the results have been evolving ever since. The OG result was no where near what I thought and expected, but as they have gathered more DNA and more info over time, the results have gotten much more accurate. With that evolution my "ethnicity" has also completely changed along with it. I've gone from being almost half UK, to most recently being much more northern European and much less UK. I say that to say don't be shocked if you're less Chinese then you expect to be, or think you are. It all depends on the info they have banked. It doesn't mean you aren't, it just means they don't have a lot of info banked. Adoption I think adds a twist in there for you, but I don't think it's a reason not to learn more about who you are and where you come from. It doesn't change your lived reality of adoption, only the info you have about your background. In the end, I think it will give you some more info to help answer the question of who do you think you are. My two cents for whatever it's worth...

[@BecomingBenSmith]

yesssss, such good points! the nature of the results is dependent on the sample of results in and of itself! Definitely a good reminded. We'll see what happens! Also, thank you so much for thoughtful comments, I always really appreciate them!

[@2AZSUN]

@@BecomingBenSmith You're welcome! Your dads have taught you well. You're a good dude.

[@jacksongayton9915]

Yes I discovered I was less Mexican(Aztec or like whatever the fuc gives you that Mexican look) and more white than I thought but honestly I know I’m Mexican and don’t think any differently.

[@tiggy8000]

I’m new to your channel! Are you planning on posting a follow up video to this one?

[@athomenotavailable]

One possible outcome is that you find out you were kidnapped as a toddler to be sold for cash. Particularly in China in the 1980-2010s, young boys under 5yo were highly sought after by childless couples and rich couples in some parts of China for good luck. Some of them did not care about the legality, so they fed a black market of human trafficking. There were so many kidnapped children, and there is currently also a Chinese website and database where you can submit your DNA to see if you find a match with your parents.

[@A-ID-A-M]

Not true at all. He was born under the one child policy -- and his parents likely wanted him to live rather than be terminated. So his mom likely hid his pregnancy so she could give him up for adoption.

[@casey4021]

Ooooh 😲

[@BecomingBenSmith]

TYYYY Casey!!

[@josephhuang1163]

I had to stalk the instagram and leave mean comments.