What If Your Betrayed Spouse Is Testing You? Tips on Surviving Infidelity after Disclosure

Today Samuel provides help for those who feel as though their betrayed spouse is testing them.
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Samuel is an infidelity survivor and is one of many contributors to Affair Recovery's Survivors’ Blog, www.affairreco.... He participated in Affair Recovery's courses developed by founder and infidelity expert Rick Reynolds, LCSW. After finding healing, hope, and new life, Samuel wishes to share his journey and what AffairRecovery.com has to offer with others so they too can find hope and healing.

[@AngelfromGenX]

BSs probably aren't "testing" you. They don't look at you or kiss and hug good night because the connection they had with you before was completely broken. They feel nothing drawing them to you anymore and being near or looking you in the eye is a painful trigger for them. They may do it anyway for the best of the marriage but they are shut down inside.

[@alecnance4688]

How does one fix this?

[@thejacobsfamilyjacobs3848]

This is so true.

[@katceeee]

BINGO!

[@patriciavaldez1896]

So accurate.

[@pi772nty]

Exactly! Dead inside! Just existing for "marriage " sake....which makes no sense but I'm doing it! I think I'm just going to take the next exit, no way for anyone to live

[@georginaagledor37]

So much great content. I love affair recovery for always delivering ❤️

[@DocBMT]

Thank you so much for what you do to help us... still after 35 years He left me as if I am just trash....I ask God why???? I would do anything to save my marriage!! No...he is a narcissist!!! God help him and I don't understand!!!!

[@honey-feeney9800]

I was you 20 years ago. I m in better mental health since I let go. I had ten years of getting to know myself again with new relationships .

[@Dawn-tv1bk]

Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt. I confess I may have a few tshirts. It's a choice. I learned the hard way but maybe thru this video others can make a better choice. Thanks for sharing Samuel.

[@kathy1501]

This is exactly where we are at! Hahah perfect timing . Thanks 😊

[@adrynf]

This isn’t really related, but do you think there comes a time to leave the “details” and the “digging” alone, and work on moving forward? I’m 5 months out from d-day, and I still ask almost daily the same questions over and over. My unfaithful husband thinks at this point, it’s not doing me any good to keep going over and over it. What are your thoughts?

[@samshealingpodcast]

there does come that time indeed. if you know all the pertinent details and he's not been hiding any information, it sounds like it's time to move on. however, you may be dealing with ptsd or some form of trauma which is triggering you pretty significantly. if you're unable to move on from the questions and reminders and asking them time and time again, it may be time to be evaluated by a professional who can do emdr or ett with you to help minimize the effects of it on you.

[@katallinna]

I know exactly how you feel. I was where you are now and I kept beating myself because everyone said I should already be done with the questions. But I wasn't and I felt this urge to ask the same questions over and over again for over an year. I am now 1.5 years after DDay, and that urge to ask and know it's almost gone. There are some occasional questions, but at lower intensity. just like your husband, mine was also reluctant to answering, and that made me believe he was still hiding things. so i kept asking the same question just to make sure he is telling the truth and the answer doesn't change. Stay strong! better days will come for your heart! big hug!

[@mostlypeacefulgaydy6396]

I do that regularly as well. I've been diagnosed to PTSD. I tell my wife, if you're sick of hearing about it. Imagine how sick I am of having it dominate my entire thought process at times and having no control over it. When it's not even something I did.

[@pi772nty]

@@mostlypeacefulgaydy6396 exactly! It's nothing I did and my mind heart and body is suffering! I'm pissed

[@eventhere2788]

I'm 20 years from D day. For most part therapy helped but there are triggers and I never have a satisfying why my husband was unfaithful. I do trust him now and I believe he's faithful today. But it's a struggle some days to feel comfortable and confident in our relationship . We've been married 27 years now and I doubt I'll ever regain the security I had in the first 7 years of our marriage. He never wants to discuss it anymore. Never gives me the reassurance in a language that speaks to my heart. He thinks he does and I'm trying to accept those overtures as glimpses of his heart. Gbya

[@St.Irenaeus]

You hit the nail on the head as always samuel. Incredible..

[@glendatalamantes8106]

Samuel atleast you felt that way. Mine does not still.

[@southerngirlsimplyme1522]

Thank you for sharing your story and advice that you give. It has helped me so very much.

[@elkinsuaza6394]

I am the betrayed person, and I also have sound recordings of the the betrayal . Should I keep them or delete them? I forgave the betrayer.

[@samshealingpodcast]

i would delete them. they are no longer serving a healthy purpose if you have forgiven and it's time to burn the ships as they say and start anew.

[@sadasadu4932]

@@samshealingpodcast I am also with similar situation. Really a good advice that I have to implement. Thanks for Elkin for raising this issue

[@mostlypeacefulgaydy6396]

I had pictures and videos of mine. All of the encounters with various people. I deleted them. Didn't really make a difference. Those pics and videos are emblazoned in my memory no matter what. I don't understand why you would document something that you are allegedly so ashamed of. Seems pretty proud of herself to me.

[@ramom2240]

Delete them! You already have a broken recorded playing in your head, why have a physical one too?

[@Mira-The-Cat]

@@samshealingpodcast my wife has taken multiple of my accounts and has just been pretending to be me. On top of holding things we have already discussed and supposed to move on from. She never deletes anything

[@VidaElementarySchool]

great message Samuel!!! needed this today!

[@georyin872]

I have been testing my wife after U found out her affair

[@georyin872]

I will leave her but I want stay for a while because I am not feeling so much pain

[@alecnance4688]

I needed this. Thank you

[@carolineberesford2897]

What if your AP is testing you

[@pi772nty]

Run!! It shouldn't matter what that Affair Partner does. What your spouse does is what matters...honour the spouse, regain the trust

[@sarahalderman3126]

Ignore them, they are not important in any way shape or form. Block them from your life entirely.