Afraid to Let Go. For Parents of Adult Alcoholics & Addicts - Part 1

[@jennybolt445]

My youngest daughter's 27 and she's a crack addict and I haven't heard from her for four maybe five days and I'm worried and nobody in the family understands how worried I am they keep blowing it off I just wanted to quit hurting and I want to quit worrying about her I can't

[@nailsdeb]

I feel your pain. 🙏😢

[@trollsnotwelcome7805]

That's so difficult for you. I hope you hear from her soon as possible.

[@ZFern9390]

My son is an alcoholic and a hot mess. The rest of my family has tossed him to the wind and as his mother it feels impossible to do that. Cutting that cord isn't possible I believe

[@Globelle]

Same. My son is 23 and addicted to Fentanyl. I live in a constant state of fear and anxiety. My health is going down hill and I keep praying for God to help him. God Bless you and I get it.

[@cherylfeaster7784]

​@@nailsdeb Me too!

[@cindyforish8081]

YES, terrified is what describes me.

[@Globelle]

Same

[@cherylfeaster7784]

Yep me too.

[@reglagirl5802]

As someone who’s been involved in the recovery community for almost 50 years I just wanna say how fabulously beneficial I think the information in her talk is

[@Ireland1981]

My 88 year old mother has been dealing with her alcoholic son for 30 years. She is still cleaning up his mess and paying his bills. She has given her life to him and he still wants more and shows no appreciation.

[@blueyedsweety123]

Extremely helpful. I understand even more now where I learned to be codependent. I'm not angry at my Mom. I've been in program on and off for many years. However I need to make Al-Anon a way of life in order for me to live a healthy life.

[@patriciaalbertson5183]

Do you know about the Adult Children of Alcoholics, program? Working the 12 Steps in that program...?

[@autumnmeadows4079]

My goodness, being a parent is hard work

[@cynthiacamille9546]

It is absolutely terrifying.

[@Globelle]

​@@cynthiacamille9546 absolutely. I feel I will have a heart attack or stroke. I am already falling into depression and hopelessness. It's devastating, torturous, terrifying and anxiety ridden

[@ruthsmith1694]

@@Globelle Me too. My heart aches and breaks for what my son is doing to himself. I am 69 and feel that my mental and physical health is deteriorating through constant anxiety over my alcoholic son who is 51 and has been an addict since his early teens. Me and my family have done all we can for him and it seems to be making him weaker if anything not stronger. Sometimes we have to let go and face the consequences of their actions. Easier said than done but what else can we do?

[@Globelle]

@@ruthsmith1694 I am so sorry and I pray that your son and my son receive the Lord Jesus and change their ways. I always tell my son that although life isn't easy, it doesn't have to be as hard as he makes it for himself.

[@reglagirl5802]

It’s a shame that more therapists don’t understand this theory

[@Ellie0225]

I am soooo that person she is describing. Thank you, I never heard these words before

[@reglagirl5802]

As someone who’s been in the recovery community for over 50 years I just want to tell you that’s the reason you never heard these words before is because they are rarely there and I think they are desperately needed

[@ruthsmith1694]

My eldest son who is 51 has been addicted to alcohol since his teens. He has lost jobs friendships and now is about to lose his family because he chooses to put his addiction before anything else including his family. He is asking his family once again to bail him out but we have had enough. We are now letting go and not enabling him anymore. Its heart breaking but i`m hoping that this will be a valuable lesson to him, either it will kill or cure him. It is either sink or swim for my son. Tough love can work for some people. I really hope that this works for him.

[@AA4PJM]

I am so grateful for this. Thank you for sharing.

[@janiedemedeiros9470]

All this information is overwhelming. The information is resourceful, but it's important to take what is beneficial to one's situation and leave what is not beneficial. What and who the conflict develops with is NOT with a little child. The Adult Alcoholics and Addicts are grown adults and "it is their responsibility to manage their substance dependency. & life outcome." Stop fixing their messes, step out of the way. Keep it simple for yourself and let them carry their life's weight. May all learn to trust your ability to make the necessary changes. It is impossible to change Adult Alcoholics and Addicts, period. May God's Angels be available for all.

[@katherinemartin4131]

If only it were that easy.

[@kimadams4746]

Are you a parent? For my 27 year old son who experiences Substance Use Disorder- I love him unconditionally- I know he has to take complete responsibility but I am terrified - I AM A MOM!!!

[@janiedemedeiros9470]

@@katherinemartin4131 It's not easy although educating oneself helps to learn what addiction is. Most when one begins attending Al-Anon one wants to get out of there, if one is attending a meeting with others. My reaction was I did not want to hear the fear that others were describing because "I" did not have an addiction. BUT by the third meeting I learned that "I needed to change my attitude, my reaction towards addicts." Little by little, I learned to stop being afraid and realized that addictions develop with a strong and deadly hold like on my love one, so much time had consumed into my love one and in myself too. It was a madness combating with my love one not knowing when death would win. It all terrified me. First, there was so much I had to learn to change in me, first, because otherwise I could never have helped towards my love one's recovery. I recovered too from so much chaos, mental & emotional, as well as, physical anguish & pain. Eventually, by invitation, I attended AA, meetings and other support programs. Yes, I'm a mom, a grandmother and great-grandmother.

[@janiedemedeiros9470]

@@kimadams4746 It's not easy although educating oneself helps to learn what addiction is. Most when one begins attending Al-Anon one wants to get out of there, if one is attending a meeting with others. My reaction was I did not want to hear the fear that others were describing because "I" did not have an addiction. BUT by the third meeting I learned that "I needed to change my attitude, my reaction towards addicts." Little by little, I learned to stop being afraid and realized that addictions develop with a strong and deadly hold like on my love one, so much time had consumed into my love one and in myself too. It was a madness combating with my love one not knowing when death would win. It all terrified me. First, there was so much I had to learn to change in me, first, because otherwise I could never have helped towards my love one's recovery. I recovered too from so much chaos, mental & emotional, as well as, physical anguish & pain. Eventually, by invitation, I attended AA, meetings and other support programs. Yes, I'm a mom, a grandmother and great-grandmother.

[@live7256]

Do you have these kind of children

[@sheriweitz5890]

really deep stuff here that resonated when I needed it most. Thank you!

[@reglagirl5802]

Becoming attached by Robert Karen Is a really good textbook for those of you who said you wanted more information it’s all about attachment theory

[@babbaruff1045]

She's fantastic 👏👏👏👏👏

[@richdiana3663]

Just gave my daughter money for Uber so she and her new boyfriend can get to a job of home repair. There is still a nagging doubt whether it's what the money will be used for or a drug run. Don't know the bf very well but I know she's doing better so I want to believe he's not a user and she isn't back on the needle. After 18 yrs of hell I can never feel too comfortable.

[@jeannemarie3704]

Thanks. Needed to hear this!

[@ZFern9390]

My worst nightmare would be him incarcerated again. Id rather get a call from the morgue! My heart can not take anymore.

[@cherylfeaster7784]

No, my son is an addict. He's been to prison, rehab several times. I've spent thousands, and I would do it again. I'm grateful everytime I get a text or phone call that he's still alive. I'll never lose hope until my dying breath. My one and only heartbeat.

[@ruthsmith1694]

I feel your pain as i am going through the same thing myself with my eldest son of 51 who has been an alcoholic since his early teens.

[@TYGZus777]

Great sense of humor. Ya gotta laugh!

[@maitevizcarra1837]

Very helpful, I have a son addicted to Fentanyl.

[@Globelle]

Me too. His name is Geno. He is 23. Please pray for him and I will pray for your son if you tell me his name.

[@maitevizcarra1837]

@@Globelle be strong. I prayed and God did it. In November was my son’s birthday we all got together and we agreed that we were not going to mention anything about rehab, the following Monday he went to detox and found himself a place for rehab, he was there for 2 months. He’s doing fine, working trying to get his life back to normal. I keep praying that he be strong and not relapse. God is the only one that can help these kids. 😞😞

[@maryhaun5537]

Thanks for this information, truly helpful!

[@chinicarney9732]

This is great where is part 2

[@57msdeb]

Where is part 2??

[@jeanetteannecchini1713]

super helpful 🙏🏼

[@loubie1958]

Is there a part 2?

[@dianabrophy7809]

How do you find part 2?

[@teresahuston6650]

Oh my gosh this is me!

[@natalieahern7210]

do you have part 2?

[@kellyk8966]

Code for my daughter texting me to say she misses me and when am I coming to visit means where are you so she knows the coast is clear.

[@patriciaalbertson5183]

Tell her you're right around the corner...

[@michellew4350]

part 2?

[@autumnmeadows4079]

My husbant and I are dealing with an adult child with an addiction to alcohol. We have tied to help him over and over again. At this point in time, things have gotten worse for him which makes it more difficult for us. He lives with us and has spiraled down in to an even worse situation. We really are terrified. This has been going on for so long. We have been to al anon. It really was not helpful.

[@teardropperkinz8823]

I understand your situation...I have a 35 yr old brother who is an addict and he just lives not only off my widowed mother but still lives with our mother. She is 65 yrs old. This has been going on for years now. He doesn't work, hasn't worked in years. He has an excuse for everything. Do you have any advice you might share or could give please on this.

[@autumnmeadows4079]

@@teardropperkinz8823 Hello, We live in Florida, We went to court and started a Marchman Act. This is not available in all states. It is a civil issue in which the court gets involved to keep the addicted person from killing themselves. In this case, the first step is free. We went to the court and filed the paper work, came home with a sealed envelope and the police were called to pick him up and take him to Jackson Crisis. The second step is a 40.00 money order. We went to the court on the assigned date and he was ordered into outpatient. This did not work X 3. Presently, he is in an inpatient rehabilitation facility after waiting 4 weeks for an available bed. He has been there for 3 days so far. My husband and I have pretty much so slept through the night since then. I pray this works, he stays there for 90 days. Research shows that it takes about a year for the addicted person to get back to where they were before this took over their lives. I hope this helps.

[@teardropperkinz8823]

@@autumnmeadows4079 Thank you very much for your time and reply. I didn't know such help was available. I will most definitely check this out. I will be praying for your son and your family. God bless.

[@reglagirl5802]

Robert Karen Is the person who wrote the book about attachment theory if you want more information I highly suggest it

[@loubie1958]

Is there a part 2?

[@reglagirl5802]

Robert Karen Is the author of the book on attachment theory and I highly suggest it if you want more information