Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA ) Traits and Treatment

[@DocSnipes]

👌More videos can be found on this topic at kzbin.info/aero/PLcB3trehXswj0lKBlB_8VC_iw6gQC_y0m&si=sem3rzRApkBNeOi9 ❤️Self help activities and worksheets and concierge coaching with Dr. Snipes can be accessed at DocSnipes.com 👍Online Courses for Continuing Education (CEU, OPD, CPD) and Substance Abuse Counselor Certification

[@sandramcgrath4885]

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[@teetrav]

So many people have been traumatized and have no idea how it hurts their life today.

[@DocSnipes]

I appreciate you watching

[@DirtyDruid]

Im working on it.

[@ranc1977]

Yes! And CBT will tell to socially anxious that trauma does not exist - or that trauma is not important to learn about.

[@wade4688]

Ah cbt the golden wrench of psychology. Fixes everything

[@zoozooe]

Absolutely, it's really sad. Especially when you spend years or decades not realizing this is what has caused you issues.

[@omiburr]

My therapist recommended I look into this. It's honestly the story of my life. Being the oldest in a home with an addict still affects me 30 years later.

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.

[@dnk4559]

I was the oldest as well. Both parents have recently passed and my relationship with my siblings is awful.

[@Foofoolaroo]

My sister is the oldest of 4, i am the second oldest. We both grew up very quickly to help look after each other and the younger two, although i definitely acknowledge that my older sister was dealt the hardest hand without a doubt. We have just lost our father and our mother's drinking has plummeted. It sucks. Even as an adult & mother myself if i hear her drunken voice on the phone it will cut through like a razor.

[@inkblot101]

How's your journey going?

[@m.r.e.5731]

Mine were either way too attentive - smashing down my boundaries - or they were in their own stupors... never one style or the other. as a consequence. I am working through figuring out who I am and what my needs are, and I am in my 60s. I need to find a good therapist who can deal with this.

[@angelahlah]

I describe my dad as a functional alcoholic. He never missed a day of work and always provided financially, however he was explosive, mean and controlling. He was verbally abusive to my mum. My mum did not drink. I've realised my mum picked up the slack in regards to parenting where my dad was lacking and without her I would be a lot worse off.

[@DocSnipes]

Thank you for watching and for sharing

[@shelsea7245]

Walking on eggshells. I did every single day of my life when growing up until I graduated high school and moved out. Of course you bring all the damage with you into adulthood. I was still trying to please my dad and gain his acceptance when I was in my 40's. I should've given up decades before that. I tried to kill myself by overdosing on Triavil in the 80's. After being in ICU and stabilized, I received treatment for my depression in the psych ward of the medical hospital for 9 days. While there a nurse gave me this sheet of paper that listed 11 characteristics of an adult child of alcoholic parent(s). After reading this one sheet of paper it changed my life! My life finally made since for the very first time. I will never ever forget that moment! But it would take decades before I was finally diagnosed with BPD, after experiencing years of trauma throughout my adulthood. It's been two years now that I see my therapist weekly and I'm also in DBT but struggle to feel if it helps due to how much PTSD I experience on a regular basis and my constant suicidal ideation. Dr Snipes, this presentation was exceptional! I am very grateful for all your videos!! Thank you SO MUCH!! You're a Gem ❤️

[@DocSnipes]

Ty so much. 😀

[@jacqueslee2592]

Alcoholism is a sickness that destroys the health of the entire family and your children. Alcoholics should be sterilized from having children. I am a child of alcoholic and as a result I decided not to have children due to this genetic disorder that ruined me and the traumatic experience that I went through. Alcoholism is a generational trauma that can impact your family and children and lead to mental illness of your children and children's children, as parents were children of alcoholics as well. I don't want my children to inherit this disorder or be ill as a result of the generational trauma.

[@momione11]

Dito.

[@RobotsCanDoAnything]

Hang in there, best wishes 🙏

[@cathygarneau]

Wow... I'm 66 and still have a full blown case of cptsd, codependency & struggle with a sense of self. My emotional & physical childhood scars are lifelong.

[@ranc1977]

It is scary to see how American medical industry is blocking and banning information about CPTSD and codependency - and instead it instructs victims of abuse to self blame and self pathologize (ABC model and cognitive distortions crap).

[@m.r.e.5731]

I am just a little younger than you and dealing with much of the same things. I wish you a successful healing journey.

[@mazzylove4174]

​@@ranc1977 the deep state helped create this whole scenario. Broken families, dysfunction and raunch was all part of the "programming through media" they did to 3 generations to bring us to where we are today. Wake up ppl! It is as intended and we suffer the consequences.....generationaly

[@bernicerose4255]

I hear you. I can relate 😊

[@joanna538]

I just got out of a 7 year long relationship with a narcissist. I kept searching for ways to prevent this sort of thing from happening again and I realised that the only thing that will help me is to look into my childhood and my experience with an alcoholic father. I’ll be rewatching this over and over again. Thank you 🙏

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching.

[@yaya-qb7hd]

My supervisor and I love you ❤

[@JamiesLife]

I relate to this so very much and it is crazy because all of my siblings you literally explained and perfect One of my siblings is extremely selfish and can't recognize other people's problems the other sibling is an attention seeker and always lying about what they've accomplished and I didn't marry but all the relationships I have had were very dysfunctional and toxic and they were broken men and apparently I thought that I can fix them well now I know I cannot I always chose men with very big red flags not realizing I realizing anything because I never was taught about anything you are seriously spot on

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.

[@chrisnyman9258]

I had to deal with so much of this growing up, and really wasnt aware of how much it was impacting me until years later...i developed a very stoic personality and would almost not react in the face of a negative event (death in the family or friend, or some sort of bad news thay would normally be upsetting)....im lucky i married an amazing supportive woman that isnt toxic in any way that helped me to start recognizing these things and was able to slowly work my way through it....i could write a book on all of my behaviors that are exemplified by this content

[@jenniferstanley2282]

Oh my goodness! Therapist to me: have you done any ACOA stuff? Me: What’s that? Aaaaaannnnnnnnnndddddd just like that, Doc Snipes to the rescue with a treasure trove of information. Thank you so very much for this video. I can’t begin to tell you how your channel has been absolutely transformative for me.

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching.

[@inkblot101]

Been to any meetings yet?

[@samanthacollingwood8513]

Growing up the “alcoholic” that was painted for me was physically/ verbally abusive. The house was loud and scary. Children are scared to be around them. Because of that I was in denial for years that my mom had a problem because she wasn’t anything like the stereotypical addict that I saw. I’m now 27 and the past year is when I heard it said officially from a doctor. Learning more about ACOA and the effects it has on children the more things click about myself. I’m so grateful for all of these videos for me to learn as much as I can.

[@DocSnipes]

I truly appreciate you watching

[@JamiesLife]

Thank you so much for this video I came from a mom who was a hardcore alcoholic/addict I'm 1 of 6 grom both parents all different dad's and my dad's a heroin addict/alcoholic I started using with my parents very young I am 33 now my mom died from alcohol 6 yrs ago I have so much cptsd I have almost no friends I live with severe crippling anxiety daily I had no skills NONE I've been trying to teach myself as much as I can it's been a very long road I am all alone i have only my 3 kids and they all like me suffer from adhd but I've had them in behavioral therapy since 3 and they have all got so much better living with all these problems is really hard I cry for love all the time I'm 33 but wish and pray for a mom and dad everyday I don't wanna give up I feared abuse,I've always been a people pleaser ans did anything to make them love me nothing I did worked I went after men that were very abusive lost my teeth ans almost lost my life I wish people understood I'm trying to get better it's truly not my fault people have told me I'm grown so I should be better and get over it it happened a long time ago and no one seems to understand I can't just get over I'm in trauma therapy and I really have come so far I can drive on the freeway now I didn't for 3 yrs I got over 5yrs 7 months sober I'm doing it they told me I'm severe adhd and bi polar but after thinking I was bi polar I Fina got a good therapist who told me I am not bi polar I have severe ptsd from years of abuse Ypu have helped me tremendously I am so very grateful to you

[@DocSnipes]

I am SO glad to know I have been able to help you. 😀

[@dnk4559]

Praying you continue you’re healing journey. You are worth it!

[@jacqueslee2592]

The effects of alcoholism is generational. ADHD, autism, mental illness, and physical illness are a result of alcoholism and the alcoholic's breath or smell that cause reproductive, mental, and physical harm. It is similar to second hand smoke, it can affect your children. My mental illness and adhd are a result of alcoholism and most likely the alcohol smell that my mother breathed when pregnant at a daily basis.

[@NickeyVamp]

I fall in this category and I have serious abandonment issues. I am working on myself and self love. I tend to find people with Narcissistic personality disorder. I can’t wait to heal and move forward.

[@DocSnipes]

I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching the video

[@LL-el8sl]

Yes I have ptsd from childhood trauma and after therapy realized I have been in a lot of narcissistic relationships and friendships.

[@NormanChester882]

Meth addiction all my life , June will be 3 yrs counting the year I was in Jail, praise God Hallelujah

[@laurali2479]

I don't know if my mom already drank when I was a child. If so, it was in secret or I didn't understand she was drinking alcohol. But listening to this it would make soooo much sense. The rage fits, the constant irritability, 0 guidance but lots of money given for feeling guilty.

[@DocSnipes]

I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching the video. What did you find most useful from it? Other videos you might be interested in can be found at kzbin.infosearch?query=ptsd

[@guera2003]

Yes… I relate so much.

[@dee0731]

I am so thankful to have learned about the hpa axis in your videos, it has helped me in my life so much thank you Doc Snipes, God has used you so much for healing in my life which I prayed for🙌🏻🌞

[@DocSnipes]

I am so glad. Thanks for being here with the channel!! 😀

[@jamesr2888]

I was in the car when my alcoholic dad was pulled over for DUI. I remember every detailed minute of chaos that night; I was 11 & this was over 38 years ago.

[@DocSnipes]

I am sorry that happened to you and ai appreciate you watching.

[@jacqueslee2592]

As a child of an alcoholic, I am for the forced sterilization of alcoholics or the banning of them from having family or children. Without alcoholism in society, there won't be drugs, homelessness, and mental illness. Alcoholism is the root cause of many of social ills because many of those people were children of broken homes with families with addiction.

[@AlexeiMikhailBoleslav]

Dr Snipes, I'd be interested in a video being done on the relationship between addicted households / children and subsequent psychiatric illnesses, like ADHD, anxiety, depression, bi polar, and schizophrenia. I know there is still debate as to how much of each of these disorders are chemical vs psychological, so I'd love to hear your thoughts about it

[@joeyc_]

ik it hurts to think about sometimes, but just remember it was their first time living too. i forgive my mom everyday and love her so much

[@Angels_surround_me747]

I’m 54 and finally brave enough and tired that I want to face these things .. now . Good stuff she has taught me a lot

[@DocSnipes]

I am grateful to have been of service

[@ladyoftheveil8342]

I am adult child of an alcoholic parents, and my grown children's dad is one too. My former spouse neglected me medically and food. He stayed gone he said working . But he could not or would not even borrow money to take me to doctor with severe stomach pain and weakness. I finally had him take me to the hospital, and behind my back he had me picked up by the police and I spent a week being heavily drugged. Some thing like this is unforgivable.

[@DocSnipes]

I am sorry that happened to you and I appreciate you watching. Other videos you might be interested in can be found at: kzbin.infosearch?query=trauma

[@LisaS1]

When I was a kid growing up I got dished out grief from all sides - at home & at school, however home was pretty good a good percentage of the time. Home only got chaotic periodically and during times 2 of my older siblings gave me problems.

[@DocSnipes]

I am sorry your older sibling gave you problems. Here are the videos on the inner child: kzbin.infosearch?query=innerchild

[@CikisHelyzet]

I be.eive these children can also go another way and rather than not develop intimacy and not having emotional intelligence... sometimes they become highly attuned and empathetic to others.

[@DocSnipes]

Yes, they can. That is also a trauma response. Thank you for watching and for sharing

[@kimberlymorrison4880]

My god, my poor 21 year daughter. Explains her a nutshell. My alcoholic ex terminated his parental rights, in order to not pay child support. We just wanted him out of their lives. My husband adopted both of my biological children. I have not been able to figure out why she does and says the things she does. She has been damaged her to her core. Trying to get her into therapy. This saddens me so much.....

[@DocSnipes]

I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching the video. What did you find most useful from it? Other videos you might be interested in can be found at kzbin.infosearch?query=trauma

[@kimberlymorrison4880]

@@DocSnipes I sent it to my daughter! Noticing the characteristics she fits to a "t". Honestly, we new there was an issue, but couldn't put a finger on it. I learned SO much from that video. Now I only hope that she will take me up on therapy. Thanks for all your great videos!

[@annak29]

What a living hell it was to be in a "relationship" with someone who grew up with "party house parents" who supplied for their own kids and their friends...total chaos, abuse, neglect, Dr Jekyll Mr Hyde extreme raging or completely abandon you, severe narc abuse and all other forms.

[@DocSnipes]

I am sorry about that. What tips from the video do you find most helpful?

[@ranc1977]

This information is extremely helpful. This helps with social anxiety explanation, it explains Complex Trauma, It explains panic attacks and people pleasing and fawning and triggers and flashbacks. It all now makes sense - and it is not hallucination as CBT explains social anxiety away.

[@DocSnipes]

Thank you so much for your comment and thank you for watching the video. I am so very grateful. Other videos you might be interested in can be found at kzbin.infosearch?query=acoa

[@dawnpirke2942]

My life! I’m 48 and just now beginning this work. It’s amazing how my childhood is still affecting my life.

[@DocSnipes]

I am sorry your childhood is stil affecting your life. What tips from the video will you use to start healing?

[@mike90004]

Thank you for helping me understand myself 😢

[@DocSnipes]

You’re so welcome. Thanks for watching

[@terryrustad1800]

I relate to and identify with so much of the information that you presented. It sucks being a adult with out adequate emotional and cognitive skills. It is never to late to address these issues and learn. Your videos are informative and inspiring. Many Thanks... Gratitude and Appreciation 💫

[@DocSnipes]

You’re so welcome! You are right, it’s never too late to address these issues and to learn. What did you find most useful from this video ?

[@terryrustad1800]

@@DocSnipes Hi Doc, thanks so much for asking about my observations regarding this excellent video. I found your description of the numerous characteristics very informative and relevant. Following along with the text during your presentation was also very helpful. At 60 years of age embarking on this journey of connecting with my inner child and addressing my adult behavioral issues seems overwhelming but videos such as yours are a beneficial place to begin. You also provided some great recovery options and suggestions in the summary. I could say so much more about the plethora of useful information in this video but will conclude my comment with saying "Thank You!" for sharing your wisdom, knowledge and experience in a upbeat, personal and caring manner. Your clients are very fortunate to have you as their therapist to work on these many important life issues. I will look forward with anticipation to watching other videos concerning this and other mental health related topics on your channel. You and your dedicated work are greatly admired and appreciated! Much Gratitude, Love and Appreciation 🙂

[@mistyblue2917]

I have been gradually realizing why my person has behaved constantly so strangely towards me since the beginning, despite having deep feelings for me. Watching this live rn is further giving me epiphanies. Thank you 💗🌟👐🏻

[@DocSnipes]

Wonderful!

[@perhapsshellliveafterall]

I'm watching this to reinforce my own recovery from alcoholism as I have a young child and I dont want her to experience any of this. Its interesting to watch as everything that you mention is how I felt as a kid and how i have acted in my adult years (although I'm much better these days after a long long healing journey) thing is, my mother was never an addict. She didnt even smoke cigarettes but my childhood was so similar to what's stated here.

[@theliftexpert]

Research Dr. Gabor Mate , he has some amazing content that might help you on your journey. Peace be with you 🙏🏻

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching.

[@alexjones8866]

Omg, most of the things listed in here I can so strongly relate to. I feel like I’ve been woken up - disturbed but I have a sense of clarity which is more freeing. I knew my this journey would take work. It all started when I had an addiction - this explains why. Let the journey commence ❤💪

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching

[@hK_Ultra_]

Listening to this as I sit in the hospital with my 79 year old alcoholic father after a fall. I’ve always known I have AVPD, but I never managed to correlate it to my dad. Whew

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching.

[@JamiesLife]

And it just amazes me at your intelligence You got it completely right for my situation everything you said Was exactly how I grew up

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks so much for being here with the channel.

[@melhoney21]

thank you so much for this video. i have just recently discovered that ACOAs are a real thing and i’ve been battling for years from these symptoms and had no idea. I wasn’t aware my father had a drinking problem until he was already dead. Over time he didn’t speak to me as much and he was split from my mother since i was 2 so i didn’t get access to him much. Very distant. I’m just now learning this about myself and it’s provided an exhaustingly painful amount of clarity and insight into my life and relationships. I’m looking forward to doing the work to heal but damn is this hard. I’m just happy I have some answers now.

[@DocSnipes]

I am sorry you went through that and I appreciate you watching the video

[@thedivinemisslilybeth4149]

I had a series of emotional flashbacks recently (at 60), with all the realizations that C-PTSD was such a "normal" state for me all this time... got myself into a 12-step program this year, and feel less alone and love the sensation of being in recovery from all that ugly ugly stuff I had swept under the carpet. Traditional therapy can help, but to a point. It really depends if the therapist is knowledgeable about the subject. A 12-step Fellowship is truly a road to explore, Al-Anon and ACA! Many thanks for this 🙏💜🦋🦋🦋🦋

[@DocSnipes]

You’re most welcome. Thank you for watching the video

[@TristineBarry]

@DocSnipes Thanks soooo much! I talk about this frequently with my clients-the Adult Children.

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching.

[@LeeRichardson808]

Thank you for this information, my therapist mentioned ACOA and this video helped me understand quite a bit of my childhood. You are truly helping people!

[@DocSnipes]

You are so welcome!

[@Pukeyray]

Thanks Doctor! I know you love Dr. Gabor Maté and I sure do too. His latest book will be out this September '22 "Myth of Normal."

[@booradley0x0]

Im the youngest in a family with an alcoholic mother. My older brother has grown up to be highly narcissistic and in denial about our childhood, what we witnessed at home. Ive been dealing with my mental health for 21 years, I fear my older brother will snap some day. I would put money on it.

[@DocSnipes]

I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching the video. What did you find most useful from it? Other videos you might be interested in can be found at kzbin.infosearch?query=trauma

[@DarthAkira]

Thank you posting this. It’s helping better understand myself and be a better father

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching.

[@margaritarosa5842]

That was such an extraordinary talk. So helpful. So glad to come across your channel. Thank you Dr. Snipes🎉😊

[@DocSnipes]

You’re most welcome. Thank you for watching videos on the channel

[@anllvr]

Wow, it felt like I was listening a description of my childhood... Avoidant and not present alcoholic father, all the chaos, unrest and feeling unsafe in your own home. I really don't want to seep my traumas on to others, just because I had shitty up bringing, but sometimes I feel that shadow self coming up...

[@DocSnipes]

I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching the video

[@dM-ij1we]

This is one of the most concise videos I have seen on the aca. Thank you.

[@phoebeburkett7212]

As the oldest of two I’ve definitely had it much harder than my younger sibling in terms of after effects. Thank you so much for this video, it made me feel heard!

[@DocSnipes]

I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching the video

[@R0M4N313]

One of the best talks I've heard. Thank you

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching.

[@dddamaged7501]

Great talk. Now things make a lot of sense. Can see how PDs develop. 🤔

[@ecohumanism]

When i hear about alcohol addicts, it reminds me about the mess in the apartment. I've never been drunk, and rather dislike how alcohol smells and other related things, so it is easy for me to not want alcohol at all - nothing in my brain says that i would have any pleasure from consuming it.

[@Amgirl03]

Thank you! Truly appreciate your effort and knowledge on this subject 💗☺️

[@DocSnipes]

I appreciate you watching.

[@LisaS1]

I'm estranged from my 4 older siblings. 1 of them I still have on social media but I can tell, we are still estranged; I can't talk to him. I'm tried and it just never works out.

[@DocSnipes]

I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching the video

[@dee0731]

Great teaching, thank you Doc Snipes🙌🏻🌞

[@DocSnipes]

My pleasure!

[@psakbar]

You pretty much nailed it. You just went right down the line. Thank you.

[@DocSnipes]

You’re so welcome. What are your favorite tips from the video?

[@Angels_surround_me747]

Thank u for sharing your knowledge with all of us

[@DocSnipes]

You’re most welcome

[@SgtD1981]

This is also about adult children of depressed parents

[@krisscanlon4051]

Yes, ACA the 12 step program is known as Adult Children of Alcoholics and otherwise dysfunctional families which include any form of dysfunction/trauma. All are welcome in this 12 step fellowship.

[@maryk8509]

I feel so understood 😢 thank you. I make more sense to myself now and understand where to go from here.

[@DocSnipes]

You're so welcome!

[@wholesomelunch6576]

Father and his partner were both heavy drinkers and both were angry. So many instances where others or myself had to be physically involved. Home resembled a hoarders house. Dog shit left on the floor, mold every where, constant police presence you name it. recently I’ve decided to seek mental help. I suffer extreme panic attacks, ptsd, anxiety, depression. I had a panic attack recently that caused me to go unconscious while walking up my steps and was hospitalized for a bit. It’s hard for me to do day to day activities like going to work or simply leaving my house. Loud environments really ring my ears. Shits hard af but sometimes simple activities allow me to escape. Working on my car, playing games, hanging out with the nephew. It’s a constant uphill battle and none of it was my fault. Just got dealt a bad hand.

[@DocSnipes]

I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching the video

[@charmee4045]

What are we doing as a society to deal with this huge problem, which is never spoken about by any politician. Even in a pandemic hospitals and liquor stores were the only things that were open? Why? Because the emergency rooms would have been filled with beaten woman and children if the alcoholic didn't get their drink. What does that tell us?????

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching!

[@pacificpearl7165]

This is hitting the nail on the head… wow…

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching.

[@jasonpinson8755]

I grew up in a abusive home and apartment from multiple family members.thanks.

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.

[@ericablaschke3497]

My mother is an ACOA her mother had a lot of trauma and im sure growing up with my grandmother was very chaotic and emotions were dismissed her father drank to escape the chaos of the household and disassociate to stay alive in that household. So when my mother decided to have children she carried these traits coping strategies, and my sisters and I were left with a mother who emotionally neglected me at least, was highly critical, dysregulated at times and was not emotionally available and controlling and dismissive. Because of this I reacted and acted out and her reaction was to discard me call dcf and have me removed. I have traits of bpd due to my trauma and living in a household with this type of parent. I have complex ptsd but my parents didn’t have addictions but had the same symptoms of an alcoholic and my mother’s mental illness and depression. I wish my mom dealt with her shit first before deciding to have children instead of traumatizing me. Didn’t help that I had speech problems, minor learning disability that she blew up putting so much pressure on me trying to fix me but forgot to love me for who I was and show me love. She overshares with my sisters about me our fights difficulties and has ruined my relationship with my sisters. I hate my mother she always cared more about herself and her feelings and how she felt than she cared about my feelings. If you are screwed up don’t have kids. I never will I am so screwed up I would never want to cause them that pain. This is how inter generational trauma gets passed on. At least I have the awareness my mother does not and uses a lot of psychiatric drugs to numb herself. She was never saw herself as the problem I was the identified patient the family scapegoat she could focus on me so she never had to look in the mirror and face her own demons.

[@DocSnipes]

I’m really sorry you’ve had to go through so much pain, and I appreciate you sharing your story. It sounds like your experiences have been incredibly difficult and left deep emotional wounds. Growing up in an environment where your needs were overlooked, and where the focus was more on control and criticism than love and support, can have profound effects on how we see ourselves and navigate the world. The dynamics you describe-being the scapegoat, feeling emotionally neglected, and bearing the weight of generational trauma-are sadly common in families where unresolved trauma and mental health issues persist across generations. Your insight into this cycle and the impact it’s had on you shows a deep level of awareness, which is a significant strength. It’s that awareness that allows you to break the cycle, even when it feels like those patterns are ingrained. It’s understandable to feel anger and resentment toward your mother for not addressing her own issues before having children, and for the pain that resulted from her inability to show up for you in the ways you needed. That kind of hurt runs deep, especially when it feels like your needs were constantly dismissed or minimized. The fact that you’re committed to not passing on this pain shows how much you care about protecting others from the kind of trauma you’ve experienced. Healing from this kind of hurt takes time, and it’s not linear, but the fact that you’re reflecting on these patterns is a crucial step. It might be helpful to continue exploring these emotions in a safe space, whether through therapy or supportive communities, where you can find validation and tools to process these deep wounds. Also, I’d be grateful if you were to share what you found most useful from the video. Additionally, if you're interested in more tips on the topic or if you want to explore my video library, you can use my AI: allceus.com/AskDocSnipes. Please don’t forget that you eserve the opportunity to heal, to be seen for who you truly are, and to live without the burden of others’ unresolved pain. Thank you for sharing your story-it’s a powerful reminder of how important it is to break the cycle of intergenerational trauma.

[@PianoMatronNeeNee]

Finally this topic! Thanks so much for sharing.

[@guera2003]

My mother was irritable when she didn’t drink and irritable when she did drink… But she always told us she loved us so much so I was confused growing up with what love is supposed to be… When I lived with her as a child I thought mimicking her behavior would help me get by, being pompous and narcissistic to feel heard. But now that I am older and finally moved out… I feel spineless and weak. My subconscious calls me all of the names she used to call me as a CHILD. Being called a (b) itch since I was 5 years old has hurt my self confidence extremely. My mother used to call me Bipolar and diagnosed me with Borderline when I was just 16 living with her, who was causing my internal plight. She convinced me I was crazy when she abused me. Made me feel like I deserved it. And my father was an alcoholic too… but he just was absolutely not present in my life, he feels like a stranger. Both of my parents are like strangers. And I end up looking for love in the wrong places now, having anxious attachment styles while also wanting and needing my alone time… I wish I could say I was more healed than I am. And I cannot afford therapy. I dont know what to do, I don’t want to hurt people anymore. I dont have anyone in my life who I feel I can turn to, for any reason at all. I distrust almost everyone :(

[@DocSnipes]

I am so sorry that happened to you. It’s awful. Here is the video on healing the inner child: kzbin.info/www/bejne/f3ytgaemlrODaKM The video on developing a secure attachment with yourself: kzbin.info/www/bejne/iIC9ln57q8ymhtU Here are the videos on releasing trauma: kzbin.infosearch?query=Releasing%20trauma

[@kentwaters5903]

None of the therapists weren't aware aware or didn't recognize my symptoms as an adult child and were unable to help me. Leaving me feeling helpless and hopeless. As a result I have a failure to launch still at 72. I feel so bad and mad at myself for never being able to functionally normally

[@DocSnipes]

I'm really sorry to hear that you've had such a difficult experience with therapists. It's incredibly frustrating and painful when you don't receive the help you need. It's important to remember that your struggles are not your fault, and seeking help takes courage. If you haven't already, it might be worth finding a therapist who specializes in adult children of dysfunctional families. There are also support groups and resources that can provide the understanding and support you need. It's never too late to seek the help that you deserve. Also, I’d appreciate hearing what you found most helpful in the video. Additionally, if you’re interested in learning more on the topic or to search for videos in the video library, please visit: allceus.com/AskDocSnipes.

[@kentwaters5903]

@@DocSnipes I liked the fact that you pretty touched upon all the major points that most books have mentioned regarding ACOA. There is no

[@arturohull14161]

I’m gonna go to this organization .

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching. What did you find most useful from the video? Other videos you might be interested in can be found at: kzbin.infosearch?query=PTSD

[@arturohull14161]

@@DocSnipes I don’t know why more psychologists recommend this organization to people. I’ve seen several psychologists in 2 different states and none of them have really helped me get to the root of my trauma. My dad was a drunk with anger issues had a seasonal job and was only in my life for several months a year, and my mom was neglectful, has an eating disorder and prioritized my younger brother over me. My mom’s nephew and my mom’s older brother were psychologically abusive towards me. My maternal grandma had an alcohol addiction later in life and my mom enabled that. My younger brother was also psychologically abusive to me as well. My mom also ran cover for her nephew (my older cousin) and continues to do so.

[@arturohull14161]

@@DocSnipes I also learned trauma survivors marry broken people so they can’t be abandoned.

[@Lauren_Fields]

This subject is right on time

[@DocSnipes]

Ty

[@beverleyhusbands2544]

I understand a friend of mine so much better. I did have some clues but you confirmed so much for me! Thank you!

[@DocSnipes]

Glad I could help!

[@michaelmckenna9022]

My father wore a suit to work, smiled all day, and was loved by everyone. When he was home drinking his martinis he became a manic. Used to grab me right out of bed when I was a baby or toddler and beat the crap out of me and scream at me. No one believed me because they thought so much of him. Most people think that drunks are sloppy people, but that's far from the truth. I was always told that martinis are for upper class people and Beer is for low class people.

[@trishawallingsford4146]

Very well put, it’s all great stuff and helps me loads ❤❤❤ thanks and can’t wait for more ❤️❤️❤️ getting better everyday 💪💪💪

[@DocSnipes]

You’re so welcome. I am grateful to be of help and I appreciate you watching the video. What will you do first to heal? Other videos you might be interested in can be found at kzbin.infosearch?query=ptsd

[@cliffbrown4217]

My God thank you , I have been looking for help , I am trying to get better.

[@taylorw.6752]

I don’t recall my parents drinking but I was subjected to my maternal grandmother’s abuse. My mother didn’t protect me…and here we are. Dysfunctional marriage to an abusive alcoholic then an Aspergers man. Now I’m in AA and realizing it was more…and this is it.

[@DocSnipes]

I am sorry that happened to you and I appreciate you watching the video. If you’re interested in videos on addiction, you can find them at: kzbin.infosearch?query=addiction

[@georgethalman1639]

Thank you so much for this video... you are doing so many people a great service.. love and light to you dear 😊😊😊

[@DocSnipes]

You’re so welcome! Thank you for watching!

[@solidstehl9546]

Absolutely true. Nailed this one on the head of the nail!! A bit of deja Vu there... Are you classically or theatrically trained? 😅 Shakespeare's "all the world's a stage"

[@solidstehl9546]

Once again ... "Monarchs and mimics" ... Thank you for articulating

[@solidstehl9546]

It's almost as if there is an threshold for negative frequency that has been programmed in by auditory learning with criticism and visual learning with micro-aggression awareness ...

[@user-nr4dw2nh2y]

I'm 19 and im a mess right now all around emotionally, physically, and financially watching this video made me burst into tears at certain points your tone when you would try to put the viewer in the child's shoes was overwhelming cause I've been abandoned in a lot of ways and I've never really felt remorse or acknowledgement from the people who hurt me and who have enabled them to hurt me. I don't know it's just been awhile since I felt any sort've backup? It's clear to me I need a therapist it scary watching this cause I touch so many marks, including substance abuse itself. Knowing im adopting traits as well as already having those negative reinforced habits from a child. I want to be a good parent someday, but it feels like I've been living in a loop its so tough break out and begin real progress and recovery

[@user-nr4dw2nh2y]

Its difficult cause I still feel like a child and yearn to have a parent in my life but I'm legally an adult I get jealous of others with good parents quite easily im at a very very low point in my life. those people that I had in my network are not there and I really cant do anything about it. I don't why but I just don't traditional therapy man I want my fucking friends back it hurts to much I lost the 3 closest people to me in less than a year ever since a kid id just hope life would get better with time but damn man its just been the opposite so far a slap in the face from life

[@DocSnipes]

I am sorry for your losses and am sorry you have been abandoned

[@truthspeaks623]

Im 43 years old, my narcissist/dry drunk father.. at almost 70 years old. Is capable of giving the silent treatment to his own brother for 45 years, his own son for 10 years now, and he's alaays hated me. Haven't heard a word since I called him out. Once I develope a secure sense of self and some emotional regulation skills I'll be just a ok.

[@DocSnipes]

I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching the video

[@KoolT]

Yep, they don't feel safe and are anxious and depressed nervous wrecks.

[@DocSnipes]

I appreciate you watching

[@kirkb2286]

Great video Doc……you just told my life story.

[@DocSnipes]

Thank you for watching

[@brian4869]

The best advice I got about drinking is you will not end up drunk if you do not have the first one.

[@LisaS1]

Great helpful and informative video; thank you! I'm an ACOA.

[@DocSnipes]

You’re so welcome. I am glad the video helped you. I am truly grateful to be of help. Have you watch the videos on trauma? kzbin.infosearch?query=trauma

[@LisaS1]

@@DocSnipes Thank you Doc! I haven't but I'll try to get around to going to this link. Thanks!

[@Djturnt]

I feel like this me but mainly the abandonment stuff. My childhood was chaotic to an extreme. My dad beat my mom my mom died young when i was 10. I lived in foster care until i was adopted y a family member. It feels like it affects me and my older siblings worse than my younger ones because they dont remember. And now its affecting my marriage. Hard stuff to cope with but i just started looking for help

[@DocSnipes]

I am sorry your childhood was chaotic. Losing your mom at such a young age is awful.

[@michaellemmen]

It’s just too much sometimes. It’s so hard to correct this. Why? Because it’s already been 30 years. Trying to fit in with ‘normal’ people seems like being a kindergartner amongst adults. To add to the confusion, I oftentimes think ‘normal’ people are unwise.

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching the video and for sharing

[@gregorybowden4460]

Amazing content! Thank you for your work!

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching!

[@Pukeyray]

Was thinking how smoke exposure from drugs or nicotine might also do something to the child's brain.

[@dee0731]

Thanks!

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks so much for your support!!

[@dee0731]

You are very welcome Doc Snipes 🙌🏻🌞

[@thehighpriestess8431]

What about Adult Children of a parent that resent them for just being born?

[@inculcatetobemaudlin2943]

it is a very complicate subject, but thanks for providing the tips Dr. Snipes.

[@DocSnipes]

My pleasure!

[@michelletran2375]

Realized I need a therapist… scheduling one right now

[@DocSnipes]

Thank you for watching the video

[@hunnyghold1507]

Very Informative ‼️

[@DocSnipes]

Thank you for watching the video

[@elizabethkelsey8087]

Is it possible for someone to be addicted but aren't using more than what is recommended of a substance? The example I'm thinking of is someone drinking daily two glasses of alcohol but it hitting them harder than other people, and it makes them irritable/moody and they aren't able to skip a day of drinking without getting upset or angry.

[@clrought]

My father was a dry alcoholic. He acted like he drank all the time but didn't. He father was a acholic.

[@DocSnipes]

I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching the video

[@clrought]

@@DocSnipes Love your advice and videos.

[@NoahGreenwood-ts7pg]

I’ve been horribly abused by alcoholic parents and I’m a mess. I’ll never be normal. I hate myself and live in a dark world.

[@DocSnipes]

Sorry to hear that. You may want to explore this with a professional counselor. You can find other therapists via Psychology Today search: allceus.com/Psychology_Today_Therapist_Search If you are interested in Virtual EMDR therapy: allceus.com/Virtual_EMDR Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.

[@NoahGreenwood-ts7pg]

@@DocSnipes One day, maybe. It’s not just that easy, you should know, yeah? I can barely bring myself to go in public anymore, that’s how little confidence I have in myself. Talking online is easier, yes, but it’s hard to fully open up. Just typing this takes everything I have and puts me in tears from the buried pain and trauma.

[@mrelixirgalactic]

Thank you so much🙏🏽 Hit Home 💯%

[@DocSnipes]

You’re most welcome. I am grateful to be of service. If you’re interested in learning more on the topic or to search for videos in the video library, please don’t hesitate to use my AI: allceus.com/AskDocSnipes. Also, I’d appreciate it if you were to share what you’ve found most useful from the video.

[@CC-oq2mj]

It's bad for the children who have an addicted out of control parent and NOBODY else in the entire family wants to help the children. Then the state has to step in. Social workers, police , it's a mess.

[@DocSnipes]

It's heartbreaking to hear about children in such difficult situations. When a parent is struggling with addiction and there's no family support, it can indeed create a challenging environment for the children. It's a sad reality that sometimes the state has to intervene to ensure their safety and well-being. Social workers and police do their best, but it's never an easy situation. Thank you for bringing attention to this important issue and for watching the video. Every child deserves a safe and supportive environment.

[@NormanChester882]

Looking good doctor , thank you for your work

[@patricebradley6553]

Could anyone recommend a book on this topic? Thank you ahead of time.

[@WM37980]

This was painful.

[@DocSnipes]

I appreciate you watching

[@DocSnipes]

I appreciate you watching

[@DocSnipes]

I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching

[@WM37980]

Painful...and wonderful.

[@saphiquefemme]

Thank you

[@DocSnipes]

You’re so welcome. I appreciate you watching.

[@zoozooe]

Great video. I'll be sharing it.

[@DocSnipes]

Thank you. I am so grateful

[@Sarah.cherie]

amazing video with great insight!

[@DocSnipes]

Thank you, Sarah, for your kind words and for watching the video. What did you find most useful from it?

[@nicholastrickel6917]

Thank you for this video, sure helped a lot.

[@DocSnipes]

Glad it helped!

[@KoolT]

You may feel afraid forever.