After Narcissism - 5 Overwhelming Symptoms Of C-PTSD

[@FromSurvivingToThriving]

It's amazing to look back on these older videos and see just how far I've come on my own healing journey. For anyone that has already done the inner work to heal and now feels passionate about becoming a life coach specializing in breaking through the side effects of cptsd and/or narcissistic abuse - be sure to check out my website: micheleleenieves.com/narcissistic-abuse-recovery-coaching-certification/

[@ric-ly7xj]

For you to be able to reach out and tell your story. Takes courage. A friend of mine who just recently told me she got out of a 21/2 year ordeal. I think she had a flashback was bringing her over something to eat. Then all of the sudden when i knock on door she wouldn't answer. I text said here with chix wings, she said huh and never got a response. Felt so bad for her michele. god bless you that you made out..............

[@starlingswallow]

Michelle, where is your video "20 symptoms of narcissistic abuse syndrome"? I can't find it! I want to share it to a friend!

[@jreedandhismongrolhoardofr3776]

Where is the link to the from abuse to thrive book? Its not on the website

[@conniepinter1862]

@@jreedandhismongrolhoardofr3776 I think the book Michele refers to is "Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving: A Guide and Map for Recovering from Childhood Trauma" by Pete Walker. If you do a search on Amazon you will find it

[@sunset9729]

I've come a long way since I've discovered you. From a few years ago when I've spent years wondering what was wrong with me and the time of your first video when I had to pull my car over while I was watching you and had a break down at my lowest point of my life. I've discovered a new and better life. I just wanted to thank YOU again. Thank you thank you. You save my life. 🤜🤛🏻🌈🦋🌈

[@lisaperez1151]

I pray so deeply for those who are recovering from this abuse

[@bcw6298]

thank you, we need your prayers

[@americablessgod1273]

Lisa Perez thank you. I so need it. I feel so lost and confused. I don't know why I feel this way.

[@mariax3049]

Thank you ❤️

[@mariamkinen8036]

Lisa Perez Can you pls pray for me? My daughter . A way out. Far. I am wanted dead. TI.

[@michaelnavejar6463]

Lisa Perez I agree, they are victims. This is serious for men and women. God bless them all, me included.

[@aishakhan5260]

The abuse from narcassist is so insidious and needs a lot of soul searching to heal

[@marktalksmoney1956]

It creates layers upon layers that you have to uncover

[@beautytips3188]

Very true, a whole lot of soul searching.

[@coolcrafts5587]

Madam, please give your email id.

[@richardwendling4030]

Reading the Bible helps me a lot. Many people have a lot of problems with the BIble. I believe this comes from dealing with excerpts out of context. Read it from cover to cover and the full picture manifests. Again people who think the Bible is boring but enjoy movies and novels just never read The Bible. It is the opposite of a goodie two shoes book. It is filled with sin and depravity much of which does not seem to be clarified. Upon reading it in it's entirety(and I do mean the apocrypha and Pseudepigrapha as well) one has vistas opened internally. Like a puzzle that when all the pieces are placed the image appears. So much bad press on this book! Sampson in Judges and Jonah in The Book of Jonah. Like old school Comic Books!

[@yourenough3]

Lots of tears. Lots of layers to go through while trying to heal. These people just mind F**** you. Its awful!!!! I could never do these awful things to anyone. They emotionally disregulate a person.

[@sunshines4555]

No.. not a mind fk.. a mind RAPE!!

[@kunkunaku]

The discouraging thing is friends, who you hid the abuse from, can't understand why we don't heal.

[@connieholt5272]

I’m so messed up from narcissistic abuse from My in-laws I’m so miserable it didn’t stop until three years ago and I’m still suffering I’m trying too heal and it’s hard I walked on eggshells for 20 years in my own home it was horrible my mother in-law and the rest of the flying monkeys in the family it was like dealing with demons

[@rb26s15]

What happens after narcisstic abuse is you were always subconsciously aware of those things. And it’s hard to fit in aft the start. It changes you, use at as motivation congratulations. It changed you and when your brain becomes more consciously aware u gained a lot more knowledge. Always use failures for motivation. My experience with the narcissist made me realize how much hidden evil there is in the world. That made me want to become a better person. Now you understand people a lot more. Use it to make an impact. Let’s make the world a better place. I test ever narcissist when I see that they’re making people around them uncomfortable. I hate bullys.

[@MonMoon104]

Ronan dinneen how do you test a narc in the wild?

[@iamforjustice7166]

I was raised by narcissistic parents, and was in two long term narcissistic relationships, you would think I would have learned, but I am happy to say I've been out of it for a little over a year. I sometimes, ... most of the times, have no idea who I am, what I like or what I want. I am so thankful I came across your videos. " Thank you. " I'm now 54, and hoping to start my life.

[@moirosalina]

Just start

[@sarahdixon2985]

Its the right time

[@narcissistinjurygiver2932]

I HATE MY NARC PARENTS. CAN'T WAIT TILL THEY ENTER HELL

[@sarahdixon2985]

@@narcissistinjurygiver2932 I can understand. I can't spend that energy on them. One is dead but that only makes no contact easy!!! Other alive and 'well'

[@americanmomma7674]

I understand... I’m going through the same thing. Am 52 and i thought I had dealt with the narcissistic abuse by my dad in my 20’s. But.... 2 devastating relationships with malignant narcissists later, I’ve finally decided to go no contact with all of them, dad included and something deep inside me is getting angry that these men made so much of my life a lie. And for what? Their stupid egos and inability to love or care yet so willing to destroy and conquer.

[@MrMkayultra]

I still have nightmares of him sitting in my chest pounding my face. Holding me underwater ! Thank God I am a survivor ! He dropped dead of a heart attack 3 years ago

[@lolapatton5444]

linda from ga 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

[@tghawke]

linda from ga Amen 🙏🏽 sending warm positive vibes for your healing.

[@hereb4theend]

Ahhh dropping dead from heart attack is TIGHT 😜

[@twinsoultarot473]

I hope u had a huge life insurance windfall from it!

[@MrMkayultra]

Lauren Todd ? No I didn't have a huge life insurance policy! In fact he drained me of my mother's inheridence. He drained me of all the money I earned

[@AlexanderWachsmann]

I believe channeling the flashback into crying is essential. I noticed my C-PTSD-Symptoms have significantly decreased each time I had a flashback and then broke out into tears. Also crying to me feels validating and aknowledging like nothing else does.

[@FromSurvivingToThriving]

I completely agree!

[@AlexanderWachsmann]

from surviving to thriving would you go as far and say crying is the ultimate healing step? Of course you have to make sense of what really happened to you and cognitively understand that it is not your fault but to me it really seems like crying is the ultimate healing juice. It's the way how humans emotionally process trauma, right? So you heal by crying everything out. I find that the importance of crying and grieving should be given way more emphasis. What do you think?

[@FromSurvivingToThriving]

I I do think crying is important because in order to validate what happened, you have to acknowledge the pain it inflicted - it's not enough to acknowledge it mentally it has to be acknowledged emotionally - when you can feel the pain that you had formerly stifled deep within, the crying allows you to validate it, process and release it - As much as it hurts in the moment I always feel ten times better right afterward!

[@MyYosimi]

From Surviving To Thriving!! That would explain! I cried buckets last 18 months now, as all kids are still huddling together, mostly adults , are not allowing that release to happen in me, my oldest being nearly in her 30s and youngest 13 who I am working to get back custody of from the children services. All collectively made disclosures last year, in their final attempt, for me and their father to break up because I was going to reconcile being an empath. They couldn’t take the cycle repeating again. Now not only healing myself I dealing with the aftermath left in my kids, which is much bigger than I can handle at the moment with all the various effects it’s had on the kids! I’m finding keeping boundaries too difficult to maintain with them at moment!

[@mskitty238]

I feel such a release of my hurt, anxiety and pain after Crying ❤️💔

[@ksfishchannel]

Anyone seen "Get out"? When the main character goes into "the sinking place" it perfectly describes the feeling I got/get during the emotional abuse. Anyone else relate?

[@purelightpeacemaker3724]

It's a horrible experience. Yes I can relate. I numbed myself for years.

[@essentiallythis9249]

I become a two year old. Helpless and hopeless.

[@80808O]

I used to describe sinking into a hole. My narc would tell me that wasn't healthy and I needed to get my head checked.

[@sunshines4555]

I prefer, I'll get out when I choose and be with who I choose, and after all the narc abuse, I dare someone to try to move me before I want. I'm not one to be messed with any more. And tired of other narc women thinking they have it that way with me or my man or possessions or career etc. I've become one vengeful bitch that won't turn the other cheek, and will make someone rue the day they were born.

[@nicolew6879]

That is definitely how I feel when I am disassociating. That’s a really good way to describe it.

[@katesaunders6999]

My father finally died a year ago at the age of 95. Finally, at the age of 70, I felt such a rush of freedom and the ability to yell out loud to him (wherever he may be) how much he hurt me emotionally and how I'm still dealing with it. On top of his narcissism, I also had to deal with a mother who didn't want me, making me the family scapegoat. She died when I was 53 and I felt the same lightness wash over me.

[@jonellis6235]

I’m sorry for your loss but I can relate to the feelings of anger and relief. You’re not alone.

[@PinkBelle2006]

My flashbacks effect my physical well-being. My blood pressure gets triggered and I am confused. I am exhausted and sleep a lot during that time. It takes days to get my physical energy back on track.

[@hollycline2427]

PinkBelle2006 It's an emotional hangover Seriously I get them still

[@wrjpiyush7928]

PinkBelle2006 Yes days of anxiety to get back on track

[@brenaebuckhanon1089]

PinkBelle2006 same

[@kimberlyoakland7506]

I also suffer with that too. I still struggle till this day and it’s scary. My immune system got seriously messed up after the breakup and I’m sure it was accumulating throughout the relationship too...

[@titanium8182]

PinkBelle2006 how are you feeling now. Are you learning to cope and face your fears. It took me a good year. I was doing wonderful. Therapy and educating myself. Then the New now ex supply contacted me. I feel like a failure after I’ve done all the work and then some. The key is when you fall don’t shame yourself. Because we are. Human. Pick up where you left off and each time it gets easier. There was a time I was so broken I just wanted relief from these podcast. and didn’t bother trying to give advice to help others. I feel confident enough that I feel others could benefit from me sharing. They could relate.. When someone totally understands you and how your feeling it’s so wonderful. It’s like a load off my shoulder and then some. I hope you are healing because you didn’t get abused overnight and this will take time but if you listen with an open mind. You may just hear something that you know you weren’t imagining. This is why these wonderful people are educating us. I really believe they love it and helps them also. Believe that. 💜

[@soinlove6889]

Emotional flashbacks hit me while driving, walking in a store...my heart rate increases & tears well up immediately, I try so hard to distract myself. It's been over a month since going no contact & I thought was getting better but past few days have been terrible :(

[@lisascott2841]

bee tee2 I know exactly how you're feeling. Its been almost 2 months since going no contact with my narc ex gf. Ive been living in 3 years of hell since she left me with no warning and i thought ive been getting better but my flashbacks are getting bad again. Everytime i walk by the school, seeing my ex's son falling with me and my ex's traumatizing reaction haunts me.

[@johnwalker4221]

bee tee 2, you ARE getting better. A month or so is hardly enough time to heal from the abuse. My flashbacks would hit in grocery stores as well, and with certain billboards. Michelle is spot-on (as usual) with her analysis in this video. The conditioned responses to the narc's attacks fade slowly. Like Michelle says in this video, be patient with yourself and give yourself time to heal. The wounds are deep - that is by the narc's design and considerable effort. Each day you stay no contact, you win. Each day you face as you can the damage done to you, and forgive yourself you heal. As you move forward and begin to feel better, you will have some days that feel terrible. In these days you feel the trauma bond exerting its pull. Stay strong, and it will subside. In time with work and support, you will break this bond.

[@mskitty238]

Day by day .. I’m not sure if The Trauma of it will ever pass. Live Quietly .. Self Love .. Personal Boundaries ❤️

[@sandrasheldon8070]

You need more time dear. Don't be hard on yourself. None of this abuse is your fault. Be patient with the child in you. It does get better

[@j.jgodismyprotection4296]

@bee tee2..How are you doing today my dear? I've recently broken up with my narcissist ex gf. It's been about 2 months now of no contact and some days I'm ok and others I'm a mess

[@thefigtree4693]

THANK YOU!!!!! I have lived with what I now know to be CPTSD my entire life. To hear someone speak so eloquently about everything that has wrecked my life allows me to stop blaming myself and gives me hope that I can control my seemingly unprovoked anxiety attacks and get off that out of control emotional roller coaster of guilt and shame.

[@AnitaBarneycastle]

and I have fantasies of violence towards the narc...I've never ever have had this before.

Anita.......You are under an attack from the forces of evil!!!!!!!!! "He who seeks revenge should dig two graves". From a Chinese proverb. PLEASE count it as a learning experience and by giving forgiveness, you will find a source of healing.

[@mskitty238]

Me Too .. and So Ashamed of Myself for that 💔

[@TheMehkey]

this blackcloud syndrom can be overcome with meditation, mainly mindfulness meditation

[@AnitaBarneycastle]

my anger has now turned into sadness. I am not numb anymore...I've been crying.

[@oneperson2345]

it is not about the evil forces, it is about our instinct of survival ...what happens in stories and movies where the main protagonist loses what he/she loves the most? they go for the revenge,.... we don't need to go for the revenge, but we don't need to forgive either, it is not natural....

[@alabamapinksocks]

I spent almost a year believing and praying that God would intervene and heal my broken marriage. I didn’t want to believe that, with time, our relationship couldn’t be better and actually be one worthy of God’s blessing. And then I started watching your videos and researching the psychology behind NPD and psychopathy. And unfortunately, there is now only one path forward... divorce. Never to look back. Never to allow him access to me or my children again. Heal my PTSD. Work to heal all the triggers that surround me in my house and my life. It doesn’t happen overnight but at this point, I finally understand that my health and happiness has to come first. Period. I will never subject myself to the horrors of this demonic man again. I continue to pray for everyone who has been emotionally and physically abused by these terribly sick people. God bless and keep you all. ♥️

[@alabamapinksocks]

sam asif I guess what I’ve learned is this: it is brutally painful, confusing, and unbelievable at times. What I finally accepted was that I had exhausted every single ounce of myself to save him and our marriage. And when you get to that point in the brick wall, there is nothing left but numbness and a myriad of emotions. If you believe in God and if you believe His Word, then you finally reach a point when you have to completely let go of it all. The anger, the blame, the shame and carnage left behind... and trust God. This was a major turning point in my life when I finally accepted it was beyond my control. It was then that I stopped trying to fix all the imaginary crimes and prove my love over and over again --and started working on myself instead. Faith that God’s plan for my life was greater than anything I selfishly believed I had wanted and that was the moment I let him go. For good. Yes it’s painful. Yes there are sleepless nights. Yes regrets. But in the bright sunshine of every new morning comes the promise of 1 Corinthians 15:10 - yet not I but the Grace of God within me. My heart goes out to you and I pray for God’s healing in your life. ♥️

[@alabamapinksocks]

sam asif You see? Your words show you are truly stronger than you realize. Praise God for your beautiful fruit of children and their health. I’ve figured out that although your life may never be the same... do I really want him now? Do I really want him to come home just to have a warm body next to me? Knowing the vile evil hateful things he is capable of without regard to the damage he caused ME? His God given wife? No. Absolutely not. I am surrounded by people who DO love me... not for who he tried to make me be or who he sadistically manipulated for fleshly pleasure... no. They love me for who I am right this minute. And our God will punish him in His own way and time. That is not my job. My job is to have faith in His Holy will for my life and be thankful and full of grace for my many blessings. You will survive and in the coming months, you will see how much more beautiful your life is when you embrace the loss and are thankful that there is not one more single minute of abuse and neglect. Praise God. You need to remember this: YOU ARE WORTHY! You are. Blessings to you and your children and prayers for peace of mind I give you. Amen.

[@jensbasement3862]

You deserved to be loved and respected. Cherished.

[@jensbasement3862]

Hey, even trying all the methods to protect yourself won't entirely heal you. Letting Jesus in your heart will give you a pure connection of love that nobody, no man or anything can give you here on earth....Narcissists are of the devil, void of empathy, looking only to fuel themselves, even if that means destroying you...

[@alabamapinksocks]

Crazy Town Productions So do we all. I wonder every day why we can’t just be vulnerable, tender, open and true? Why isn’t that treasured? It’s so hard wanting to have that and waiting... in due time... :). Thank you for your kind words.

[@oscarmannheim7434]

Overwhelming fear! That’s what I feel. Scared out of my mind! Panic attacks is an understatement.

[@mandolaa]

Exactly!

[@monongahelacats]

This video was just great. I used to suffer from horrid panic attacks and still have depression and anxiety. I now know that I had a narc mother, and she did this to me.

[@mskitty238]

Caroline Marty .. Me Too.

[@jclaire6995]

Me too

[@adorasau]

Same same!

[@almamia229]

My greatest hope is that people that suffered emotional abuse from a narcissist relationship will heal and grow. It has helped me be a more compassionate and loving person. I grew and am glad a grateful experience. Everything happens for a good reason. Trust the process and think positive. Blessings to all

[@motherlove1349]

After 20 years with a now Ex and a Narc... I'm trying to move on but I often find myself not Trusting ANYONE and prefer to be alone. I used to be a loving joyful person. I often argue with myself about how to get back to the real me..... so many people have Narc traits it scares me and I don't even try. I have chosen to be alone just to heal.....if that ever happens. I'm 63... not sure if I can heal. I get angry at what was stolen from me and I often just grab snippets of what used to make me happy. It helps.

[@ellanola6284]

Motherlove, you will be happy & whole one day( I promise.) Just keep going. Healing takes time. Don't worry about being with other people, you need to concentrate on yourself. Take time out & take very good care of yourself & learn to love yourself. Good people(some do exist) will turn up once you are well & in control of your life & happiness. Best Wishes & Hugs.

[@triciadkieper3536]

motherlove we're the same age and I'm just now learning all this. I'm pissed too!

[@JulieGreilh]

motherlove I’m 59 and I feel the same way!

[@Jess-ew3tm]

im 21 and have isolated myself for about a good 7 years and counting. Ive been abused my entire life. I dont even know what people are SUPPOSED to be like. Whenever i try to focus on myself i get scared bc i think IM becoming a narc and then the vicious cycle of anxiety continues. Its hard trusting ANYONE. My best advice is to just focus on yourself. Self healing. Self love. Focus on YOU and dont worry about making friends or being in a relationship. Even if you get lonely.

[@katherineyoung1401]

Completely understand, I'm almost 59 and feel the same way.

[@brenaebuckhanon1089]

I think this was a PERFECT explanation of ptsd because People just don’t understand how bad it is for me 😒 I cant help it

[@richardwendling4030]

My wife's PTSD can be triggered just by visiting a family Member. Sept 2013 we stayed overnight at my wife's aunt's house. We were in love and happy on the way there. 10 minutes after leaving her aunt's my wife just started hating me and has ever since. She couldn't help it as well. 8 months into her hating me my back went and now I am totally disabled. No One does understand truly, because we are all so complex that "it" is all different. We can empathize though, that is what we do! You have come to the right place!

[@starlingswallow]

I completely relate to the car situation. I would do this thing where I'd focus on an object in the car and my eyes would follow the shape of it over and over and over....this would be me disassociating. I was trapped during his road rages, screaming about killing someone that cut him off, etc. I too was tempted to throw myself from a speeding car. I imagined the pain of hitting the pavement would be welcomed. It wouldn't hurt as much as he was hurting me. I spent 13 years hiding within myself. It was my only safe place. I am almost at my 2 year anniversary of having left!!! Praise God!!

[@rebeccajones9757]

Emotional flashbacks are so intense

[@richardwendling4030]

I am so inundated with them I believed they were my internal dialog for a long time. Then again I also have strange flashes of self harm out of the blue when I see a sharp object. I know that isn't my self internal dialog. Some of it is so obviosly "other" programmed that I am incredulous about it. It is still annoying!

[@bigwookeysvanlife5191]

Your videos have been such a massive help to me. I recently came out of a relationship with a narcissist. I had no idea at the time that is what she was, I just knew that I was very confused about a lot of her behavior, and constantly emotionally on edge. Now, viewing that behavior retrospectively, through the prism of narcissism, I can finally understand and come to peace with the situation, as well as learning and moving forward. In fact, I've found purpose in documenting on KZbin the self improvement process that videos like this have inspired me to start. Thank you.

[@toinfinityandbeyondlovetri6173]

I had a nervous breakdown... lost myself completely .. the positive from this is I left him

[@l.c.7855]

The term, 'emotional flashback,' is so accurate!!

[@toinfinityandbeyondlovetri6173]

What’s helped is listening to music something I stopped doing ... also somehow my best fiend from school 26 years ago made contact.. we met and talked about the good days

[@chockypompom]

Nearly 2 years no contact and yet this persons voice is in my head every day.

[@rebeccajimenez6109]

This maybe the best video you have made so far and how well you explained emotional flashbacks. I have had to exercise mindfulness tricks to help me snap back but like you have said, one step forward and two steps back when it comes to healing journey. I am grateful that I can relate to majority of survivors and not feel so shameful for even breathing. Taking it a day at a time and sticking to my passions to keep me in the present. Thank you for all that you do and for reminding us that we are adults whom are wonderful empathic and can lead our own healthy lives. May you have a wonderful day. ❤😊

[@RabidDogEOCF]

Its taken almost two years, but im almost out of the woods. It's definitely made me stronger. Thank you for these videos. edit: also, you're so pretty, lol.

[@amandar.6313]

C-PTSD was what I thought I had until you said It can come from narcissistic abuse. My Father was a narcissist and My Mother as well. Just different kinda from abusive narc to manipulative narc. Me and my sister were treated like we were crazy when we had been having abuse symptoms and PTSD. My mother fooled me for years into pinning me and my sister against eachother. Anyone who sucked up and wasn't struggling with their abuse was fine. ( ptsd, ctpsd, depression etc. Mental illness ) My sister and I were gaslighted, neglected etc. My sister was going to commit suicide and all my mother said was "you traumatized yourself" I was fooled into believing my sister is just crazy for feeling it. And suppressed every thing I felt because my mother doesn't like it and will treat me like her. My sister was the scapegoat, criticized for everything. I was the golden child, used to validate her and criticize along with her. I have so much stored anger, anxiety, sadness from all my abusive father did, and from all my mother caused to everyone. So much anger for what she manipulated and treated my Sister. With every flashback the C-PTSD and everything I feel start to fade. And I kinda can't do that because my mother is trying to diagnose me with narcissism or something crazy to brash onto me for rebelling. My Sister is severely depressed and sick. But still threatens her to throw her disabled child into the streets where we live ( there are human trafficking rumors, not safe. She even jokes about my sister being raped. Etc things. ) Despite all that, I doubt myself because those feelings I have stuffed were gaslighted for years and years to a child who very much loved her mother and family. Now it all seem to break apart because I tell her how I feel and what I think is going on, and for her to apologize for mistreating me in certain situations. Never. She never apologizes and projects it back to me. Life with narcissists isn't fun.

[@mallory5872]

I told the therapist I felt judged. He gave me a pat "I'm not judging you." It was not convincing at all.

[@karlaclements4701]

Thank you for sharing your personal journey. I understand...I really do.

[@Professorclown]

Just think it's extremely annoying that you're trying so hard to help people and pouring your heart out on here, and some arseholes are giving you thumbs down/dislikes - can only be 'narcs'! Keep going, and keep up the great work, Michele!

[@WarriorGalVibe]

Michelle, Thank you so much for this video. I’ve been struggling to pinpoint how I’m feeling regarding CPTSD. The flashbacks & nightmares were haunting me. Needed this validation. Much appreciation. 💖

[@lorettawright2059]

You can always get to the core of my feelings whenever I watch your videos . You make me face my personal emotional damaged feelings with truth and reality. Sometimes I shake and feel so much pain facing the truth but you help me because I know you persevered and came out on top! Kudos to you . Your a gem...

[@amysadork]

When the narc yells at you and belittles you in the car, then they expect you to respond when you're in total shock! and they are screaming in your ear to say something...

[@janetobin4372]

Yup. Totally. Like what do they expect. " they" say now your not talking " how can you if you ripped them a new pant leg seriously. That's not love

[@janetobin4372]

They ripped. Typo

[@Kim-vs4vb]

Yep my father used to do this all the time from as young as I can remember plus drive like a maniac and instill fear in us that he will kill us all and himself..... we would be terrified, when he dies, I will feel so relieved and calm, a sense of final peace will wash over me.

[@eperon]

It’s as though something broke inside me after being abandoned by the narcissist- I’m numb, I can’t cry anymore, no matter how sad the occasion or event.

[@jofish420]

o0o! I have a "for instance"! I made plans to go out with a friend for a couple of months that lived a couple of hours away, so we planned that I would sleep over. We were going to a concert. On the way there, this overwhelming feeling of anxiety hit me! At first I didn't know why. Then I realized, that when I was with the Narc, ANYTHING that I did that took me away from him for any length of time that he specified, if I went over that, I was getting "that call" as to why I wasn't home yet. I was feeling that exact anxiety, on my way to her house before we even went out! Once I got there, I still had it a little, but then I recognized that it was a past experience that I was feeling, and once I realized that I didn't have to worry about that call, I was ok, and I really enjoyed myself that night. It felt great to not have to worry about "that call"! :) Great vid once again! You've gained so much insight Michelle!

[@myrnacarter4324]

Yeah my daughter gets those calls. She's freshly out of her situation of twelve years with a narc. Been out for three months. She's doing better every day. Hasn't gone full no contact yet she's getting there.

[@carfincap]

Yes. Exact same.

[@Eyefartconfetti]

I understand. I catch myself rushing a lot. I started leaving my phone in the car while running errands. That was huge. Baby steps 💕

[@thanosk488]

Great explanation of CPTSD. Please consider making a video or videos discussing the other 4 symptoms. Thank you!

[@FromSurvivingToThriving]

Absolutely!

[@Regina.Clarke]

Yes, it's taken me a decade to realize this! I look forward to seeing the rest!

[@Batman-zu1lz]

Thanks for video. I truly didn't know I was dealing with cptsd. I was apologizing to god for feeling certain ways when there was no need to feel that way. Now I don't have to feel ashamed of different emotions.

[@HellonWheels777]

@@FromSurvivingToThriving that's along with all the other PTSD symptoms, right? Including regular flashbacks nightmares and stuff like that?

[@andreasleonlandgren3092]

Suffering from being in abuse from a dad narc for 30 years of my life. All 5 are very accurate Its not Easy breaking the cycle of abuse.

[@altarwork]

This is the hardest thing I’ve faced to try and overcome. You don’t hear much about female Narcissist but they are out there and dang, do they know how to hurt you and somehow make you feel guilty and confused about that fact that you’re hurting.... Still can’t understand how one human being can be willing to do this to another human being that loved them...

[@ThereIsAlwaysaWay2]

Cold brings me in an instant flashback. Even the fridges in super markets brings me back to 12 years old instantly. Crazy.

[@pacedelacruz4913]

You're such a beautiful person, Michele. Whomever rejected and abused you would have harmed and abused any child/adult who stood in your place. It speaks volumes about THEIR mental state and in NO WAY DIMINISH your Self-Worth. Your kindness (and sadness) punches through all you do; I identify, having had a narcissistic mother who destroyed every relationship which was important to me, but one; the bond I share with my husband. Thank you for all you do here Stay strong👊😘💖

[@kbrad4280]

A slammed door, without warning.

[@sarahdixon2985]

The knowledge that either of my parents were on their way home....

[@beans9019]

Michael & Kimberley Bradshaw yes same here ugh it brings me back

[@whatsthefrequencyanon9678]

@K Brad In 5 words, you have spoken *volumes*. 🚫🚪💥

[@napalm.bopper]

I experienced what you are describing while visiting the town I lived in when I was in the abusive relationship. I was driving around and I suddenly started feeling anxiety, sadness, hopelessness out of no where. After several minutes of this discomfort, I realized that I was triggered by partially driving the route i used to take back and forth to his house all the time when we dated. I didn't consciously register it while driving the route, but my brain DID. This happened over a year after I went no contact and I genuinely thought I was fine. It made me really understand just how traumatic the experience had been for me.

[@katedahan2074]

I've been feeling very angry, I have picture flash backs of the last 23 years I'm still with him...

[@elizacosmetics6061]

I'm so grateful to have found your channel! After cutting things off with my narcissist about five years ago, I was so confused about what had happened. I wasn't even aware of narcissistic personality disorder until much later, but I knew I felt brainwashed and like I was having a breakdown. Some people said the reason I felt the way I did was that I was just "not over him" and needed to "let go" to fully heal, that it was just a "bad breakup", etc., etc. It wasn't until I started researching that I realized I had indeed been somewhat brainwashed, and was actually dealing with a form of PTSD. I've since had contact with others who exhibit NPD symptoms, and while I've been shaken and upset, they were not able to have the same hold over me because I could recognize their tactics, rationalize, and remind myself that "it's them, not me." One of the best ways to heal and protect ourselves from future encounters with narcissists is education and awareness, so thank you for sharing your experiences and for providing videos to help others.

[@VikkiLynn]

For 17 years I was married to my sons father who is a narcissist. I can relate to your car story. I think since my divorce in 2013 I've healed by listening to country music when I'm in the car now. I can't sing, but I sing like crazy when I'm driving now & feel so much better & not so triggered or stressed out. My poor 82 yr. old mom has to listen to me sing & she just laughs. Bless her heart. 🙏

[@KingBrokenCode]

This video is an answered prayer. I have felt so alone and broken. I have a new life and an amazing husband yet still feel paralyzed. Having joint custody with a narc keeps them and their abuse relevant and hopeless since divorcing him didn’t free myself from him. He uses “co-parenting” as his life line to me and I feel imprisoned. I have a wonderful life now and want so badly to heal and enjoy it.

[@mreese8764]

I think this is the first video i saw defining what an emotional flashback is. Thank you!

[@martinamendan7541]

Dear Michelle Thank you for enlightening another dark corner. A piece of information that trully brings healing because it validates that I'm not crazy or making "big deal out of nothing".. and "quitt crying or I gove you something to cry about".. Your explanation and examples bring me closer to restoring/ healing my own inner child/ soul. I have suffered from these emotional flashbacks for decades. Of course before i knew what was happening and that there is a Term for my experiences. I had veey many of these abusive situations, mostly in work environment where of course my wellbeing becomes secondary or even nonexistent in the name of "success/profits/ productivity".. And from recovery stand point - This World makes me sick. It makes all of us sick. Literally on all levels. Mentally, emotionally, spiritually which will definitely manifest Physically. And all "we" do is run from the pain to numb it. I immensely appreciate your words and your work. And the only prayers I have is for this world to wake up and return to love without strings attached.

[@nadjadavidson411]

I'm glad you're talking about PTSD because it's real and it'll take time to rewire the brain.

[@diddleidle7174]

Your voice is so soothing

[@Pneumarose]

I know! So nurturing.

[@amyb2646]

This is so enlightening. Thank you for sharing this. God bless you!

[@plynnmiller7563]

This explains sooo much of my emotional issues in my past relationship!! I would suddenly feel the rush of panicky flight response, and then nothing would get resolved because I’m too busy trying to calm myself down enough to talk and listen to my then partner. He purposefully triggered me of course, thinking that I was crying on purpose, but I wasn’t. Thank you for this video.

[@monicarai1497]

I get that sinking feeling alot during the days on end at times. And it's not a very nice feeling when you're unable to justify to your own lovely inner child what the actual matter is and how to get past that , mainly. Thank you for your page and the great work that you do.

[@carfincap]

Yes. That's your inner child. "I feel so empty and alone - why can't I love and be loved."

[@midalysfarrat2001]

Thank you so much! It just happened yesterday at my workplace and now I understand it was an emotional trigger. 😔

[@danillesmith9903]

Wow I’m in awe. I never could name that feeling/emotional flash backs is a spot on description ☺️ thank you

[@TnL-nt2kd]

Just 20 minutes ago he is still calling and stalking my home accusing me of horrible acts against him, which are all nonfactual by far. I know through you and Lee Hammock KZbin videos that he has projected his own hidden remorseful acts against a good woman such as me. Thank you for your free help to women and men of narcissistic abuse combined with PTSD pain

[@AFFTFOMSICHTS]

I cried so hard listening to this. Thank you so much for all you do.

[@MzGumby02]

Oh wow...this made me think. I remember the car rides. I will never forget when I would try and roll a window down. I would get yelled at and told I was running down the battery. Also if I would ask to go to the store, I was told no or that I was using them. Thing is, they never had a problem taking anyone else to the store. One day there was an election of some sort in town. Since we were in close to a store, I wanted to make a quick stop. I was yelled at and told "It's ELECTION DAY". I also have come to notice she only did this when she wanted me to get out of the car, so she could say I started an argument, or say I was mad at her. Also, I just remembered how we would sometimes have good conversations in the car. When we got home, I immediately received the silent treatment. I just never understood that. I use to always think "something must really be wrong with me". Also, when I needed to search for a vehicle, because I finally had the money...I would get stood up while she went out and hung out with her cousin. Not to mention her parents gave her a brand new car, and she said she wanted to give her older car to me. She ended up giving the vehicle to her nephew, and told me I didn't deserve the vehicle. That really made me feel like I was worthless. Wow, this video brought back some intense memories.

[@Dnice85]

I just ended a 7 year long toxic relationship and I’ve been feeling this way and thought I was the only one feeling this way (, I’m still going through it. ) Thank you 🙏 your videos are helping me so much ❤️

[@ye2959]

I developed Complex PTSD from being abuse at work by a Narcissist and flying monkeys. I did not understand it, but now I finally have confirmation. Thank you.

[@SargenSmee]

Being in a car and having flashbacks resonates so much with me. I realise that an angry explosion I had recently happened in a car. I can see that many times I have had issues while in a car. It's a place that's difficult to escape from so I can relate to dissociating to avoid and keep myself safe. I love your calming voice and sincerity in your expression. I'm thankful that I have found your videos to help me start healing.

[@childrenofabraham]

Thank you so much. Very healing for me as a man personally. You freed me of the shame my previous Narcissistic and understanding even the numb feelings. Being a free loving soul that enjoys seeing the best in people, it's hard to sit and hear a Narc point out every single negative in almost every single situation. Thanks to you I know I'm on the right road now.

[@yoka955]

Now I realize that my night terrors waking up in the middle of the night terrified of my narc parent were emotional flashbacks, and so were so many other things that have triggered me. Thanks for the explanation 👍

[@michaelimaddux9327]

You are such an inspiration to me. It has been four years since the final discard, and I am still experiencing so much isolation, panic and anguish. I have found forgiveness for my abuser, but I am still angry from the situation every single day. I thought it'd get easier with time but it has only become worse. I can't even go out to certain places and have fun anymore. I used to be such an outgoing, fun and silly person. I understand what you mean when you say "I miss me and I want me back". I am looking for therapists who specialize in C-PTSD and EMDR. I hope one day I can thrive like you and coach others too. It is probably the worst form of abuse anyone could experience, and it hurts to know that there are so many others. But validating to know that I am not alone in this. Thank you.

[@itsallaboutnothing2672]

Don't feel good about myself anymore I do have any purpose no energy no desire for anything.

[@trindal359]

The most important thing to have is a group of positive, supportive friends

[@mandolaa]

Samee

[@yvetteramos730]

Michelle Lee Nieves you are a amazing woman.🙌💖 I am so encouraged and looking forward to see the other side of my healing process. I have an Escape Plan from my Narcissist Husband thanks to all the knowledge, courage your videos have given me. I have been watching your videos for 2 years now and I have to say you are an inspiration and your work is amazing✨ God bless you from the bottom of my heart I greatly appreciate all you do!!!!

[@marktalksmoney1956]

Please get out as soon as possible

[@kismypencek6185]

Thanks for this. I identify with your points in your journey. Thanks for creating a pathway for us to heal.

[@bookmouse770]

Oh yeah! I know this is true....however if you have a child in the relationship it never ends, never ends. :-(

[@motherlove1349]

Yup.... my kids are over 18 and he still believes "they OWE him" a relationship. So far they don't get they will NEVER have the father they need. Very sad.........

[@howardtheduck4715]

bookmouse770 no it doesn't I'll be back in court for my third year they love that place

[@bookmouse770]

I meant that when your children grow up, get married...he is there at the wedding (or she)....they will be present for all major events and birthdays unless you move away.....but then they still may be around. eye roll

[@lifewillbebetternow]

That is the most painful part. :-(

[@howardtheduck4715]

LifeWillBeBetter right, you always know that the relationship isn't going to work. Most of the time we hang around for our kids anyway. Had no idea how they would use my kid...so sick

[@starlingswallow]

Yes!! The crying from deep deep inside. It hurts but I always feel sooooo much better after I cry! It's SO healing!!

[@theraptureisnearbelieveinj7695]

Fear & anxiety seems to surface when I think of how much I gave of myself to someone and everyone that just don’t give a damn about me on any level! Almost creates a feeling of panic being truly alone.

[@slaveking5631]

ive been dealing with this for years and all i can say is those who dealt with it are nothing short of AMAZING. i cant do this shit

[@teamwoodward12]

I love your channel and videos so much! Being able to hear what I've wrestled with inside for my entire life and it being put in to words has been so healing. I am so grateful that I'm not alone in the struggle. Thank you!

[@holdencaustic]

I believe I have this- but I often am angry, and feel like I want to right the wrong and clear my name of the smear campaign - I am angry that anyone would empower a narcissistic liar, that anyone would perpetuate their claims- it’s not all the time, but when something triggers the emotional flashbacks. I deal by isolating myself from others I care about so as not to lash out at anyone- it sucks, bad- it’s a sick of mind, sick in body feeling. What to do? Is it wrong to try to handle it myself?

[@adolfhitler4116]

I experience it like that as well. I get tired alot and isolate as well. My stomach hurts alot, too.

[@etherenow]

💔

[@ali-es2ye]

Jason Rosner- Bass yep. Know that pain. Sat here for three weeks wondering how to find a social group to talk to. Seems only safe place is to watch these videos. How to break the pattern of withdrawing ...when is the time to go out.

[@ajspivey7567]

@@ali-es2ye I feel you, I'm over the missing and longing for the snarc, she caused me to lose the only Male friend I had,and although I'm not afraid of her hurting me physically, I dont think I could maintain my composure if I was out alone and ran into her with the new/old supply, or, quite possibly, my former best friend , I believe she would jump all over a chance to throw a few low blows, if I was you I'd get the fellas together and bar-hop or check out a game to get your feet wet again. Like I had to,you gotta realize she bent you up a little but she didnt break you. Good luck *********

[@georganng1548]

Jason Rosner- Bass 11

[@MsMay1959]

This is great! First I’ve heard of this. It explains so much. I’m usually very calm in a crisis, but sometimes, before I know it, I snap!! Hate myself later and don’t know why I did that. Come off as a crazy person. I need to learn more about this, thanks Michelle.

[@nicholebro]

Car rides were the worst, every single road trip was horrible, yelling, cursing, leaving me quiet and having to keep my tears from leaving my eyes, this just broke me down, why can’t I heal

[@jodimo]

My mom died when I was 9. Moved in with my narc dad. I listened to and experienced physical and verbal abuse by my dad. I'm 61. Have panic attacks. Lots of flashbacks.

[@janinealexander2037]

Your tone alone is very calming!!! Thank you for this information and your experience references….. I’ve experienced similar..”prisoner in the car”. I actually pulled over and told him to get out once…. He didn’t. In reflection, I’ve done the same… learned behavior… My father did it….. let’s move toward healing., Thank you.

[@yesseniagomez9560]

You are describing the symptoms I feel even away from the toxicity. How can anything be resolved with a Narcissist.

[@CryingRaven]

Thank you so much for this. After growing up with emotional abuse. And dealing with it from a marriage of ten years. I still have these flashbacks as you say. The last time it happened it did happen in the car. Because of a nearly ran red light by my fiancee. I shouted and he shouted as well but not even in an angry tone. But it was still enough to make me withdraw. I was suddenly without the ability to even form whole thoughts. He read my body language emiddiately and held my knee and then my hand. And though i felt his hand holding mine, I could not even push myself to hold his in return. He took me straight home and helped me through my meltdown as I had a panic attack. This was the first time he's ever seen me flip like that. I think he reacted pretty well. Though he has held me when I panicked over other stress. I'm going to send him this video though so he gets a clearer picture Thanks again.

[@SeeCSeesCC]

And since last October I have practiced the habit of only positive self talk ❤️ the best acceptance I have ever had

[@cyborgpenguin89]

This really comes in time that I need it. I was wondering why I was so emotional at work! And coming back home sucks! I was bringing back anger, and frustration back home. Thank you!!!

[@puresoul1368]

My dad was an alcoholic and definitely a narc, somewhere my mum became mental. Av never understood what triggered it but that left us emotionaly abandoned and physicaly too coz it would become worse and she would have to be taken away. I cannot remember what would happen when she would go away. My dad worked away from the time I became aware of myelf. When we were 10 yrs ans below he was friendly with us when he would come around. There after he became very military. He wanred to see us studying all the time so much so that whenever we would here him coming after being away for a while, he used to have a small vehicle so we would know he was coming. Instead of rushing to meet him we would run to get books pretending we were reading. My mum definitely was a codependant coz shed also gone thru issues where her mum was mistreated by the husband coz she had been an orphan. Theres alot of emotions involved that lately are triggering flashbacks and of course these flashbacks are painful in nature. I was taken to boarding school at six yrs which was around the time my mum had began being mental until I was 10 yrs. I was removed from boarding coz my mum's mental issue had been contained. Being in a village in Kenya, Africa as a firstborn you were expected to be responsible as early as 8 yrs doing grown up chores. Its like being with the narc triggered alot of my childhood memories coz may be I was being forced to look within. Thanks for your continued enlightenments, they are going along way in getting us on the right track. Guess you had to go thru abuse longer for a reason. It was not fair but now its working for Good for many and you are rescuing many as you get better yourself.

[@amye9655]

pure soul appreciate your story. I was the mom that went mental and I'm trying to become gunmetal. I know it has hurt my kids gravely.

[@getrudemwaura946]

Hello Michelle ❤️. I am at the moment having intense emotions badly yet I am on the healing journey.🙏🙏🙏 Thank You for this video .. It's very helpful 🙏🙏🙏💞💞💞

[@MarieThePetLady]

I've been shamed, hit, and falsely accused so many time of flirting in public with every guy that even looked in our direction, in or out of the car, that I rarely look up let alone make eye contact in public. I am like a trained circus dog. No need for anymore reinforcement. I get so nervous when I do otherwise... sad... sad but true. Been with my narc for 20 years, 18 of which I though I was the crazy one. Thank God for KZbin. Getting strong day by day. I will get there.

[@shaneoconnell2994]

I'm blessed to find you and your videos, I date narcissistic women. And had a narcissist mother. Parents divorced when I was 5 and I lived with my alcoholic terrifying abusive father, I was scared to death of him my whole childhood. I only get emotional flashbacks as you call them when ever someone is mean to me, I'm the nicest person that always looks to make things right. I'm to nice that leaves my door open for people to treat me poorly or bully me cause I'm so nice and want right. But when challenge, even over small things like someone being rude , my hands shake and my pupils diolate. I know it's a chemical inbalance I can't control. I get scared like I did when I was little. It happens probably once a month. This video helped me so much watching this. I'm going to read the book. I can't wait, first thing in the morning I'm going to the store. I thought I was alone with this, and nobody would understand, I've never talked about it. People just thought and think I have a bad temper when in confrontation. It's not a bad temper at all I just get scared and way over react. Then beat myself up for being that way and not being normal.. I want to end this feeling of being a scared 7 years old when in these situations. Thanks again for this video.🙂

[@Gitsie007]

I am learning so much from your videos, learning about myself and my family and that there was narcissistic abuse. I have not realized the extent of it and how much of it has impacted my life. Thank you so much for these videos.

[@Mich-vk5uj]

You’re so beautiful inside and out. Thanks for sharing your very intimate vulnerabilities. God bless you. You will help many.

[@abigailkohlhorst8898]

My new boss has been triggering emotional flashbacks. And it took me talking it out with a friend to realize what's going on. So now I'm going to find help to get some healing.

[@glennchristian9329]

I feel so distraught...After being disengaged from by a selfish and twisted covert narcissist,I can not believe that I feel so horrific! At 46 years of age I've gotten through tons of issues in life,but I was not prepared for the devastation after an 18 month relationship with a narcissistic,cold person!

[@robertakinnel8231]

Michelle I gotta give you your props. You are nice, smart, and pretty too. Glad to watch another one of your videos.

[@utkalikasharma5122]

As I learn about how our bodies are designed, how they try to protect us, keep us safe, help us, all of this technicalities, I am blown away by thinking how awesome God is and how much He loves us and cares about us, the Bible says we are fearfully and wonderfully made, and this is soooo visible. Thanks a lot for teaching all these. Even though we've all sinned and been sinned against, how beautifully God is still kind to us, giving us these brilliant bodies.

[@tonyjones5454]

Thank you for your videos and advice. I can relate to the pain, I too am going through a very tiring and emotional relationship with a Narc. Its so overwhelming some days, as she constantly has her feelings hurt, and is the master at revenge and punishment. its at the stage now where I feel we are fighting more than loving. Almost done, just working through the fine details for disconnection, very sad and hurt at constantly being made to feel I am worthless and "nobody would love you", you all know the way this works and the things they say all because we apparently don't care about "their" feelings. I remember something you said in one of your videos, Narcs think their emotions are facts, there is nothing more truthful than that statement. :)

[@whitechicacooks5780]

Thank you so much for this! I only recently heard about PTSD after narcissistic abuse, but never realized how much it was actually affecting me. My flashbacks would come every time I went to a Spanish-speaking church service because my narcissist spoke only Spanish with me. I generally don't hear Spanish anywhere else. I thought something was wrong with me spiritually, & I needed to get something right in my heart. Now I understand that it's my mind that needs healing. And I have the tools to find said healing! ❤

[@catticuswench]

I came to KZbin tonight trying to figure out why I suddenly get so angry when I'm in a car! I used to get screamed at a lot in the car and I would have to just sit there and seethe...thank you so much for these videos!

[@PazoCoach]

Hello Michelle, thanku4 your videos. I feel this amigdala hijacking one day and another. I think I am getting better but then some small issues happened and get blocked again, and feel again too scary and helpless.

[@jodimo]

My mother died by drowning when I was 9. My father was abusive and lived a homosexual relationship under the roof as myself after mom died. . My brother from 11 - 14 was beaten on a regular basis, I couldn't help I was a little girl. My first love at 20 was killed in a motorcycle accident. . My sister 15 years ago was murdered by her husband. I now am 61. Flashbacks come and go with panic. I feel better after a good cry. Your good for me. Thankful.

[@serene9636]

Hi Michele. My childhood memory of drenched in winters after falling into pond in the garden to save younger brother from drowning. I remember standing at home with parent and neighbour trying to warm up my brother and all I was waiting standing there was feeling proud and waiting for praise. The neighbour noticed me and asked that she needs to change to warm clothes. I always thought my childhood as wonderful. But this memory confuses me. Has my childhood made me vulnerable to manipulation and abuse by my spouse and in-laws.

[@randominternetguy2960]

I could listen to you talk all day, besides being beautiful, you have the sweetest voice. Have a nice day