AI Shows You My Darkest Moments Gaming Against Depression - How I Started My YouTube Channel

This is the story of my darkest moments gaming against depression. I created my KZbin channel during my darkest moment. Each scene you see was created by artificial intelligence or AI. This is my story seen through the eyes of an AI. This is a roller coaster ride so buckle up as you finally know just how I started my KZbin channel! Enjoy the ride! The sounds add a lot to the experience... So make sure to wear a headset!
If you are suffering from depression know that I have been there. Understand that you are not alone even if you think you can't talk to a total stranger. You have much good to do left in this world so please consider checking out the link below. Someone will always be there for you.
Depression Awareness - Dial 988 on your cell phone or visit the link below.
988lifeline.org/talk-to-someo...
If this video helps even one person in their moment of need then everything was worth it.
All music and sounds used in this video come from www.epidemicsound.com/
#depression #depressionawareness #gaming #hawkesgaming

[@HawkesGaming]

If you are suffering from depression know that I have been there. Understand that you are not alone even if you think you can't talk to a total stranger. You have much good to do left in this world so please consider checking out the link below. Someone will always be there for you. Depression Awareness - Dial 988 on your cell phone or visit the link below. 988lifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/

[@thecursingexplorer138]

If you’re a veteran press 1. They have a specific line for vets.

[@mobius6772]

I am a father of 3, married for 20 years, ex infantry paratrooper and survived 27 months fighting on front lines in Afghanistan. What I have learned that changed me and the survivors guilt I dealt with is the truth that outside the life, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ there is no hope for the individual or mankind. He doesn't keep bad things from happening but he never lets you go through them alone. Romans (Chapter 8;verses 32-39)

[@Metal_Engineer]

The world is a better place with you in it Hawkes.

[@bokatan9642]

You were a massive plus to the ED community when you started your YT. You can be very proud of what you achieved especially doing so while dealing with depression. Legend of the galaxy 👍🏽

[@thecursingexplorer138]

Hey man, glad to see you’re posting. Life can get rough. I started my channel as an outlet as well. Then some life happened and I dropped it for a long time. Getting back to the things we used to love are the best way for us to start getting back to who we used to be. As a disabled vet with my own health issues all I can say is, keep going man, you’re honestly literally one of 3 KZbinrs that I see as an honest and real person. I hope everything all gets better for you.

[@SpaceBjornGaming]

Disabled veteran here too, brother.

[@DeadColdParanormal]

Really really loved that and thank you for making this, been following you for a while as I love your content on Star Citizen, but I don't post comments. A close family member of mine suffered badly from depression and anxiety and still does so I believe it's great to spread awareness of this very common but not talked about enough condition. Cheers very much Hawk and hope you do go full time on KZbin 🙌🏻

[@SurvivalBobGaming]

Very powerful message my friend and very well delivered. I'm glad you shared some of your story as it will no doubt help to show how common this really is, and how we all need to check in with the people in our lives. Thanks for being you and making this video. I really could have used it last week, but hey you get there when you get there. 😉 I'm sure it is right on time for many people! Love your face bro!

[@HawkesGaming]

Thank you brother!!!

[@myroc1]

And just know that your channel is reaching some of us at our worst as well and we appreciate it.

[@HawkesGaming]

If it can help only one person at the right time it was all worth it.

[@Irishdavo]

Thanks for that Hawkes, the honesty is appreciated. Glad that you are continuing to make content. You have had a positive impact on me, so cheers.

[@duncanidaho3724]

Hawkes, you are never alone. I always turn to your videos and I love your crazy sense of humor and different way of looking at things. Thanks for the video and keep on pressing forward. We will be right beside you every step of the way cheering you on.

[@RolandTengu]

Dang that really hit me in the space-feels dude. Thanks for puttin it out there.

[@rjgideon71]

Bro... I feel you. Thanks for reaching out. Thanks for being "that guy". Some of us really need to hear this and no one could have said it any better. Peace to you.

[@dannyC3827]

Dude, you're a rockstar when it comes to making Space Cheddar videos. Please keep making them! I still reference your elite dangerous materials and engineering videos because they're just plain fun to watch when you're grinding away trying to pimp out your ships and suits. Thanks so much again for sharing this story.👍

[@Frostycrypton]

I 100% echo this! I was going through a really rough time a few months ago and despite how bad it got, I made myself reach out more to my family and church because I knew I needed them. It’s in those deepest times of trouble that we *need* the people around us.

[@llamavacuum3895]

Thank you for sharing, this is a painful topic, but we all need to hear it. As a veteran who struggled heavily with PTSD, depression and anxiety for over 15 years, I know how alone you can feel, how stigmatized mental health is, and how weak you feel when you even think about telling someone else of your struggles. I found my way out of the darkness after many years, and have been depression free for a couple years now. There is hope, and there are people who care. See a mental health professional, include those you trust in your life, and when you find the light again help others through their darkness like Hawkes did with this amazing video. Love you all

[@geoDunkleAura]

Thank you for sharing the story of your successful return to the light (I hope the darkness never returns) and for the words of encouragement to seek help. 💜

[@Kellett781]

One of the most inspiring things I have seen in years. You are loved Hawkes and you matter to more people than you know.

[@thewilberforce]

Dude. I have a similar story. And I feel this. I’m glad I’m still here. I’m glad you are. Very much.

[@turdFergus]

thanks for staying with us man, we would have missed you. also respect the honesty, it can be so freeing to open up and let everyone in knowing your are loved and cared for. keep going you're doing awesome

[@grimdesigns1233]

I rarely comment on videos, but man, this one got me tearing up. Only recently found your channel for Elite and SC info and have been loving it. I appreciate you man and all that you do!

[@Bebop-mc8od]

I don't usually comment on YT but if it wasn't for your channel I would have never played ED. Thank you for all the support you provided. I wish you the best! Again Thank you!

[@freddythenoodles92]

Found your channel when i started my Elite Dangerous journey. Haven't touched ED since my dad's passing back in 2021.

[@LittleTed2]

And we've been following ever since! You're a good man Charlie Brown. o7

[@ronaldtermond2530]

Thank you for sharing your story.

[@lightwoven5326]

I was on the other side for a friend. I got that feeling to talk to my best friend. I got a very strained response and I said I'm coming over right now. I drove 50 miles as fast as I dared. Told him he's coming back to my place with no excuses. We spent quite few hours talking and after a couple if days he went back home. 2 years later he told me the same. When I rang he had all the pills laid out in front of him about to take the first one and I rang. Knowing that I would have smashed the door down, he waited until I got there. As I was not being persuaded of him being ok he stopped his plans. He is still with us and as a family we are glad. It is a humbling experience to be there just in time for a desperate person. So, if you get that feeling to reconnect with someone JUST DO IT. Peace Hawke and thank you.

[@HawkesGaming]

Thank you for sharing this.

[@geoDunkleAura]

Thank you for sharing this. 💜

[@lootandgrind]

Thanks for sharing your story. It takes guts to be open like this. Excited to see what you have in store for us in this new chapter. And for everyone who's struggling right now, "If you're going through hell, keep going." - Winston Churchill

[@anewkaisen]

You just won a new subscriber. I wish you the best my friend. Life is hard dometimes, but there is hope always. I send you a big hug.

[@oldfool5002]

Your how tos are a go 2 for my son and I for some time. Had no idea glad your still with us. Look forward to seeing more of you.❤

[@LeoGets-tf8hs]

Thank you so much Hawkes... Also, amazing video man.

[@amarildorocha9093]

i love your elite dangerous videos man, they helped me a lot when i started the game on xbox.

[@Adzy8ster]

You inspired me to play Elite Dangerous with your awesome videos. I'll be honest I haven't really played it since the disaster of Odyssey. Thanks for sharing and I hope to get back into gaming at some point.

[@ashurgorge7894]

Love you and your content man, like whenever I don't know something anymore, straight to Cmdr Hawkes❤ keep it up

[@MrWarteck]

No matter what find that person that you can talk to, or whatever helps you the best and dive in head first, for me gaming was an outlet but when I realized I was pushing the problem aside and not really fixing them or coping with them correctly, talking about the problem with that one person that I trust and loves me for me has helped me talk about it more openly and than I finnally was in a much better place Thanks for sharing hawkes I know your story you know mine from all the years we have gamed your family and my family are one Love yeah man.

[@HawkesGaming]

Youre my main bro!

[@Korrack]

Thanks for this video Hawkes I think many people have moments like this in their lives but don’t want to talk about it because they think they should hide it; we would all be better off if we were better at sharing it. I’ll remember this video next time I need it and come back here

[@MercuryGremlin]

Hi Hawkes. Thank you for a humbling, poignant and incredibly honest video. And having the strength to tell your story. You've helped me so much with Elite and No Man's Sky. Your style is entertaining, informative and a great motivator to try new types of gameplay. If this video helps anyone in need by anywhere near as much, then it's value is priceless. I wish you and your family all the best. With thanks and gratitude from England.

[@Ekristoffe]

seriously, thanks man.

[@Dingbat1967]

Thanks for this. When I cam back from deployment I was seriously f-ed up a lifetime ago. I lost two good friends who put an end to their suffering and still visit their graves each year. I managed to wrangle my inner deamons myself after a long long period of slow motion self-harm. You're never "cured" but for sure if you bring in somebody to help it really does make a big difference.

[@HawkesGaming]

Thank you for sharing =)

[@mutzel1119]

Thank you! ❤

[@SpaceBjornGaming]

So, I watched this on my main Google account, but I wanted to switch to my gaming account to respond. When I started playing Star Citizen at the end of 2022, my brother introduced me to it, and I'd never really gotten into multi player games, I was going through separation from my spouse and dealing with a lot of painful things. I'm medically retired from the military because of severe depression and "generalized anxiety disorder" on 100% disability. So, already dealing with that junk and the separation was very painful. At that time, SC gave me some hope as I fell in love with the game. As a matter of fact, finding and learning from your videos really did help me move from zero to hero in the game. Now, here we are in the second quarter of 2024 and moving forward with divorce... not much kicks you in the gut as much as the idea that the person you've been married to, in love with, for almost 20 years decides that they basically can't live with someone who deals with depression and constant anxiety and panic attacks. There's more to that story, but I won't go there. But I digress. I'm involved in video production, and I've had the desire to start making little "helper" videos and to try to start streaming for over a year now. I even created the "Space Björn Gaming" tag, logo, and all that stuff because of my desire to start creating content. But I have yet to create anything. I get stuck all the time, feeling paralyzed, and like I can't sit down to focus on creating anything. I guess I'm hoping that I'll eventually "feel up" to start making content to help others. But right now, I'm stuck in this lousy depressed and panic attack ridden circle. I say all that because you really resonated with me through this video. I'm scared, I'm not sure what it's going to take to start moving forward. I'm part of a great org in the Start Citizen that I've actually risen to a position of leadership in, but I still feel like I don't have anyone to talk to, especially concerning this "taboo" topic. And I don't know how long it's going to take to heal from this divorce or when I'll start actually making content. I feel stuck. I'm grateful for you! I'm grateful you were courageous enough to share your story! I needed this this morning. I still need to figure out how to start moving forward in fighting my issues and eventually creating content that helps others like you've helped me. Thank you!

[@HawkesGaming]

Thank you for sharing your story. Much like my story it takes courage to talk about stuff like this. The only way I could claw my way out was to do the small victories method. Say I washed a few dishes in a pile. I let myself feel good. Eventually one day that pile was gone and I just did the little I needed each day. The benefit of just feeling good of seeing how nice it looked was the tool I used to kill the beast. If I didnt do that I would still be stuck in that circle. The circle with no end or beginning only the repetition of bad habits.

[@geoDunkleAura]

Thank you for this heart shattering story. 💜 One of my biggest problem was always "I don't want to bother my friends", maybe just maybe let yourself think about it you have value for your surrounding. Maybe you are beloved. Sometimes (lol most the times) you feel you are getting nowhere and you are stuck in this pit. In case you need to talk, please try to reach to the family, friends, the community you play a lot together with, or one of the helplines just someone, in doubt just hop in voice chat on Discord and I'm sure you find someone to talk. Maybe not the the topic you are burning to talk, but someone to talk and this can help sometimes. Maybe some day I share my story like hawkes did today. o7 Citizen stay strong, sending love

[@Duke_Kenric]

just know i love you bro.

[@HawkesGaming]

Youre my bro bro!

[@tonylanders1196]

You and Seethrew another YT content creator have a chat. He has a similar story. Love your vids and have been a follower since your early days. Keep up your great work and your efforts to help others.

[@gizmo104drives7]

This is one heck of a sad story.. holding back the tears 😢

[@HawkesGaming]

I story about depression is really hard to tell without sadness. It did get better though. =)

[@jeremyellis3785]

How did you know I needed this today. Army vet... Losing my family.... Feel like I'm losing my mind and my worth.

[@HawkesGaming]

I have been there brother. Depression absolutely murders your self worth with lies and fears. Know that you do have value.

[@geoDunkleAura]

o7 💜

[@jeremyellis3785]

@@HawkesGaming thanks brother. I appreciate you and I appreciate the work you put in for us on this end!

[@jeremyellis3785]

@@geoDunkleAura ❤️ o7!

[@thecursingexplorer138]

If you ever need someone else to reach out to, please feel free to do so. Til Valhalla brother.

[@tomcollins8877]

I Have a few serious mental issues myself. Mine are ones that don't really get better. I also take care of my 85 year old Dad. I know how you feel. Anyway I found your channel when you did a video with Foxglow. I've been watching you ever since. I love your work, and I hope you find peace. If you ever get that far down again let me know we can can talk. Seriously.

[@HawkesGaming]

Wow foxglow is the guy who got me into No Man's Sky. I still have him on my steam playlist. I miss the guy!

[@petezzzz]

There are no coincidence CMDR. I know what you saw. You got another chance too. Praise the Lord! 🙏

[@ArpadLukacs]

First choking on an onion and now this??? We can't almost lose you again man!

[@HawkesGaming]

Yeah this story was about 10 years ago heh. Things are different now.

[@ArpadLukacs]

@HawkesGaming I know, was just kidding, you tell these stories in such great depth that we're kinda experiencing it in the present... thanks again for sharing. I miss more of your vids, will be watching when you upload.

[@HawkesGaming]

@@ArpadLukacs That onion though no joke. I would not recommend heh.

[@PulseStar5k]

Is it raining ? I think it is :')

[@PantherKen]

@Hawkes, you Sir, were a wealth of information when I started my Star Citizen journey two years ago. You are a light in the darkness of the Universe. * gives a sharp salute * 💯⚡🫡