AITA for Cutting my Parent's Allowance (r/AITA)

[@druidriley3163]

Good for her for standing up for herself. Her parents were like "You're treating us like children and telling us how to spend our money." It's not YOUR money, mom. It's MY money and yes, I can certainly tell you how to spend MY money.

[@lifeandeverythinginbetwn]

I agree she should stand up for herself

[@joekahno]

I can sort of see the parents side. After I hand my girlfriend an allowance, it's her money to use any way she pleases. On the other hand, if I discovered she was using the money to buy booze and condoms for her *other* boyfriend it would be a cold day in hell before she got another dime from me and if the guy had the nerve to bitch about it in my presence he'd be spitting teeth. It's not the accounting, it's the disrespect.

[@lifeandeverythinginbetwn]

I guess that checks out

[@Bite0fBread]

You are not TA, One thing your parents does not realized is if they can spend "their money" however they want and so can you. They need to remember that "their money" now is given to them. They should consult you if they are thinking of spending large amount of it for other people.

[@lifeandeverythinginbetwn]

Exactly!!

[@dawnkindnesscountsmost5991]

There is _definitely_ room for improved communication between daughter and parents, including daughter outlining what she won't pay for on her parents end _as she set up_ the 1300 dollar payments. Too late for that, so next best thing is communicating that she doesn't agree to subsidize brother's partying expenses, which is a fair position to have, whether she got partying money at uni or not. And implement the cut _only if_ parents disagree with daughter's decision. Daughter might look into the feasibility of paying her parents living expenses directly: housing, communication, utilities, transportation- in other words, services for which parents are billed or are regular amounts each month, if that's the way it works where they live. If daughter is able to set up those payments directly, then she might then send a reasonable amount for groceries, personal care, fun, and whatever else daughter and parents discuss. If parents receive pensions of some sort (might be called something different where they live), it's reasonable for their daughter to not have to cover _every_ living expense for her parents, and still send enough that they have a cushion at the end of the month, to save for emergencies and the like. Just as the brother's stipend from the home gov't isn't for partying, nor is parents' pensions or sister's assistance for their parents, but if the parents want to short themselves on their pension to help their son party at uni, that's their right to do with _their own money._ If the brother's home-gov't stipend prevents brother from having a part-time job while at uni, well, "dem's da breaks," as the saying goes. Maybe he can do odd jobs that pay cash, because his own earnings are where 99% of his partying money should be from, not gov't, parents, or sis. Can't afford to party? That's more time to study or sleep, and his grades will doubtless improve! (I'm not saying his grades are bad, either)

[@lifeandeverythinginbetwn]

She should tell her parents that if her brother needs money he should talk to her, and that the money she sends is for her parents

[@merendell]

Mostly not the asshole. Kind of a dickish way of going about it but your perfectly in your rights to not pay for your brothers booze bill. If you'd approached your parents first and asked them to stop giving your money away to your brother first then it would be totally NTA. The passive aggressive approach with reducing the amount and waiting for them to notice was just pointlessly aggravating the issue.

[@lifeandeverythinginbetwn]

If anything she should have told her parents that if her brother needs money he should talk to her

[@craigcorbin4098]

NTA

[@animeguardianxx]

I’m sorry, but for the first time on one of these, I must say YTA. When you give money to someone, it’s a gift. You don’t get a say over it anymore. You also didn’t try to talk with your parents before you did it the first time, nor did you, presumably, set such a restriction when you started sending money in the first place. Not cool. This is like giving a kid an allowance, then reducing it if they give some to someone else, and you don’t support what that someone else is doing.

[@DemonEyeXGamer]

It's not a gift, tho. It's basically the parents' cost of living being covered, and if the brother is robbing the parents(by extension their sibling) to party while claiming he needs help, then the financially responsible thing is to not send the money.

[@druidriley3163]

So, if it's a gift, then the parents don't have a right to complain about the amount, right? They should be grateful for any sort of gift since it's not REQUIRED that their daughter gift them money.

[@jishani1]

​@@druidriley3163their daughter is not required to give them anything, but she does anyway. The point he was making is that since she's giving it freely it's not right to put restrictions on it after the fact. Which it isn't. If she doesn't like what they're doing with the money, she's free to stop sending them all of it. But if she's sending them money anyway, she shouldn't be micromanaging what they do with it.

[@animeguardianxx]

@@DemonEyeXGamer Covering the cost of living by giving them money. Hence, gift. I also didn’t see any mention of the MC talking to the parents beforehand to explain.

[@plpa8250]

If they keep pushing their luck it'll turn into 1,100 worth of groceries and utilities. 😂