AITA for REFUSING to pay for my DAUGHTER'S Wedding? | AITA REDDIT Wedding Planner REACTS

[@SupernaturalLove100]

15:32 “If you and your little friends…” ew. Unnecessarily patronizing from that commenter when they even later addressed the MIL being a monster in law. The rest of their comment was actually sound but I question why people feel the need to be disrespectful if they’re looking to actually give someone insight. There are people who will check out once they feel slighted. That’s why Reddit is risky when posting abt personal stories. 16:20 “You chose to make a public scene…” DID SHE though? I mean it really depends on perspective. To the wife and her friends/family, it was the MIL making the scene by ignoring her wishes. Was she “matching her shxtty behavior” by remaining firm on her boundaries? Someone mentioned that it wasn’t only her wedding but her husbands, and while that is true, the husband AGREED to the boundary. The MIL then verbally acknowledged she didn’t care..slap to the face.

[@7echostar]

For the mother-in-law making the speech, I would have asked my bridesmaid to go up to the DJ and have him be the bad guy and interrupt, possibly with a brief reminder of no speeches, then some dance music to lighten the mood. Grinning and bearing it would not have been an acceptable option for me, especially if the speech went into more insulting territory. MIL is entitled to her opinion, but she is not entitled to disrespect boundaries.

[@limora74]

Speech story: magic 4th option~ ask a bridesmaid to pull MIL away and say if she tries that again she will be returning early. That's what the wedding party/a planner is for. Turn off the mic (if there is one), spill a drink on her, have an "urgent" situation that requires her attention, etc. Just get her out of the spotlight in a way that makes someone else the bad guy. You have become family to this lady, your BFF has not. I say this because I have been a MOH and bridesmaid who will take charge and risk being the bad guy for the bride's day to go as planned.

[@SupernaturalLove100]

We love you! Very badass lol

[@Claireannette77]

15:06 I’m not taking the disrespect. That’s what bridesmaids are for. Unplug the microphone or take it from her. She’s not allowed to disrespect you, and your husband needs to learn to have a conversation instead of picking his mommy and pouting. She could’ve made her speech without being disrespectful. Being disrespected right back is the only way people learn sometimes. I will not sit there and be disrespected in front of everyone by my mother in law on ANY day. My bridesmaids (or myself) would’ve gone up after that and apologized. Then, if I’m feeling like it, it would be stated that if the MIL would like to try again in a respectful manner… she is more than welcome to start her speech over 🙂😉 For the husband to not see the problem, or stop the problem… that’s gonna be an unhappy marriage.

[@uneekaairamas]

The MIL not only disrespected the brides wishes but threw her under the train saying the bride forgave me blah blah…bride and groom agreed to NO speeches. I would’ve done the same or even worse I would stop her and tell her flat out to shut up.

[@Brisbane41]

Agree. The start alone was so rude. Sometimes if you always accept everything someone does to keep the peace of the moment someone will never change.

[@airforcemom2235]

I'm siding with the bride who continued talking while the MIL gave her explicitly forbidden speech. Bride set boundaries and kept them, period. Good for her as she's in for quite a lifetime of boundary breaking attempts by this woman. Also, if the groom had any balls, he could have stood up and shut that speech down by publicly re-reminding his mother of their request for no speeches and then stopped her in her tracks. Going forward in life, this would have set the tone to his mother that their boundaries are just that and they will not be giving in to her entitlement.

[@arianebolt1575]

It wasn't a request. It was their decision to make.

[@caityjayde96]

I remember the speech one and I commented on an IG post about it, and I said NTA, because OP set a hard boundary and knew that MIL probably wouldn't stop even if told her, so OP continuing her conversation was how she enforced her boundaries about no speeches, and it doesn't matter if MIL thought it was rude, because she shouldn't have been rude and disrespected OP's boundaries in the first place. OP said from the beginning that she refused to listen to speeches, and she followed through on that, and I don't think she should be considered wrong for that.

[@blondieanne09]

Especially since she said that the MIL makes inappropriate speeches that are "funny" but in reality are just hurtful. She should not have to take someone being mean to her at her reception. Bullies should not be tolerated

[@SupernaturalLove100]

🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯Because why tf should the younger bride be expected to be the bigger person in response to disrespect during HER wedding celebration? That was insane to me. Not everyone can b as evolved as others and respond in the most mature manner as what’s happening to them happens to them. I viewed her continuing her conversation the same way as you worded it so well, it was her enforcing her boundaries. Was it effective for a good future with MIL? No, which is why there are suggestions for other things she could’ve done to prevent hostility but the MIL caused it. What really turned me off was the groom being angry with his new wife who he had just become a team with. I wouldn’t expect him to disregard or shxt on his own mother just bc he was married but you don’t choose sides and shxt on your wife for reacting in response to disrespect. A man marries a woman and that woman is supposed to then come before mother, at least that’s what they say.

[@nleem3361]

My dad and sister skied down the slope in sync to the ceremony at the top of a ski mountain (Vail, CO) . It was very cool 😎 and very special moment with my dad and sister. They practiced skiing in sync together prior to the event. Very fun wedding.

[@moriahjade]

Dad literally made a commitment to do so, thus making him morally obligated… as that is the literal definition of a commitment. Clear, cut, and dry thing is that he took something that was a “gift” back from his daughter because she didn’t agree with his views. Even if he isn’t manipulative on a regular basis, this is a manipulation tactic; people can be manipulative and not realize or intentionally do so. I get where both sides are coming from but yes, because he made a commitment and didn’t honor it, he was being an asshole. Don’t make commitments and then pull back when something doesn’t go your way, especially on SOMEONE ELSE’S special day. Y’all could’ve just done that father daughter dance and called it a night.

[@kalynnbriles]

I would have left the room alone. If anyone asked I could say I was going to the bathroom. Yes it is still petty but that means MIL isn’t completely winning and neither am I (if that makes sense)

[@perplex777]

I wanted to be walked down the aisle to have that time with my grandad (my dad died when I was 7) - but at the top, instead of being “given away” we had the celebrant say ask “Do you give your blessing for this marriage and promise to receive [name] as a member of your family from here on.” I almost had my Mum walk me up the aisle but we had a long conversation re: whether she’d prefer to walk with me or watch me walk in etc., although she stood up to say “We do” with my grandad in response to the celebrant. We worked it out in the end so that my Mum walked across to me and was with me for those last minute adjustments to the veil and squeeze of the hand etc. Then she sent my grandad to me as he was having difficulty standing for long periods of at the time but was able to have that moment with me which I know made him proud and was a way for me to acknowledge what a significant figure he was in my life.

[@jordansutherland183]

I would’ve left the room to cool down from MIL not respecting my wishes on the wedding day. My friends would have to stop me and talk me out of saying stuff out of anger that I’d regret later

[@kj7067]

Regarding the last story: I have been a feminist since I was a teenager, but I really don't see a father walking his daughter down the aisle as him 'giving her away' - I see it as a father accompanying and supporting his child during a beautiful, important moment of their lives. I'm not married, but I would love it if both my parents joined me in this way. I'm sure it would be highly emotional for all of us.

[@francescamazzonelli1670]

yes like I have the stories about the moment before entering in to the church from both my mom and my grandma. Because basically it signifies that you are really going to move away from your house. Like, even if you already leave by yourself or with your partner, like legally now you are together, you have your life, you are outside of the home. And it's also one of the last moments in which you can still change your idea without going through divorce. So both my grandpa and my great-grandpa at the time told their daughters: "ei, are you sure of it? If you are not, you don't worry, dear. There will always be space for you at home eh". And I find it so sweet, because even if we forget it, for our parents, watching us grow up and move away is not that easy. I get why the dad of OP was particularly hurt. Personally I'm for both the bride and the groom being accopanied by, respectively, the father and the mother. It makes sense to me. In a way it's like a ritus of passage in your life, it's a symbolic way that really means you're from now on creating your own family. Also in Italy the priest doesn't say anything about "giving away the daughter", so maybe it's because of this that I never thought about it that way

[@k4nd1incyb3rsp4c3]

The mother in law giving a speech was just so unfair... imagine all the other guests who wished they could've made speeches but respected the bride and groom's wishes... they're probably feeling a whole mix of negative emotions.

[@nervousbreakdown711]

The third one makes it sound like the dad feels weirdly entitled to walking his daughter down the aisle. I respect it’s important to him but gifts can’t be contingent on someone doing what you want

[@CidVeldoril]

Perhaps, but it is wholly within everyone's right to not gift something. Especially a multi-thousand dollar wedding. He's not entitled to walk her down the aisle. Fair. She isn't entitled to his money.

[@k4nd1incyb3rsp4c3]

​@@CidVeldoril I'd agree with you if he hadn't already promised her the money. I think breaking a promise just because the wedding isn't what you want is scummy. And yes, manipulative. He can do what he wants but he still sucks for it.

[@Ellieways]

1:11 Wow, this is the first time I've actually WATCHED a whole sponsorship within an ad. Good work Jamie! 👍

[@kristinaerickson2353]

If someone disrespected me like that with a speech I said no too I would've stood up and walked out. The husband should've stood up and stopped Mom. The only reason she is acting like that is because her husband has a soft spine. You're going to be on JustNOMIL in 5 years.

[@SupernaturalLove100]

Maybe the husband can’t control her. The son mentioned she was very stubborn.

[@djbrown3186]

It's a speech you guys are acting like she told her she can't be there on the day a child is being born and showed up anyways 🤨. I get it it's inconvenient but nobody's going to die.

[@AndrielleHillis]

@@djbrown3186 Yes, but think about how everyone else is feeling? What's to stop everyone else from doing what they want?

[@jocelynsmyth6604]

It can be really hard with in-laws or family members who do whatever they want. It's really disrespectful, and let's be honest, they know what they are doing. In this particular story, the husband should have stood up and said 'thanks mom, love you!' And shut. It. Down.

[@kristinaerickson2353]

Yeah the Dad that didn't want to pay is the asshole. I was so triggered. My parents do this too. They use "gifts" to stomp all over my boundaries. The "It's a spit in the face for all we've done for her" boiled my blood. You don't get a reward for raising kids you chose to have. You don't get to use gifts to make your adult children do what you want. Daughter is even being reasonable and trying to compromise.

[@katherineh.9379]

Same with my parents. On the other hand, parents are not obligated to pay for their child's wedding of course. Nevertheless, it's f*cking annoying.

[@s.a.4358]

If you feel like they are using gifts to stomp on your boundaries, don’t accept the gift. Nobody is obliged to give you a gift and paying for a child’s wedding is not an obligation at all. In the end BOTH compromised because the father did give a large monetary gift, which the daughter can use to pay for her wedding.

[@lollyann7630]

There's providing the bare minimum to raise your children, this dad sounds like they went well beyond just the basics of providing for her and he isn't using this as a means of controlling her, he sounds like he deeply loves her abd wants that special moment with her, like almost every other father has and he's hurt she doesn't view it in the same light.....I don't think it's like your situation at all, projection makes it difficult to see that other people don't always share the same experiences as you do🤷🏼‍♀️

[@SupernaturalLove100]

@@s.a.4358 So he paid for it anyway lol. That was generous of him because she didn’t want the tradition of him walking her down the aisle and yet she wanted the tradition of a father paying for the daughters wedding to remain intact. Being selective

[@SupernaturalLove100]

⁠ But to be fair, if the daughter doesn’t believe in being “given away” at her wedding and can’t redefine what her father walking her down the aisle would mean to HER beyond the traditional meaning, why would he as the father be obligated to do the traditional thing pay for his daughters wedding when we are doing away w tradition? Eh. I don’t think he’s necessarily stomping on her boundaries but was reactive bc he was hurt. It’s complex. And idk how I feel about “not getting a reward for raising kids you chose to have;” I mean I’d argue that a single mother for example should get an award later on in life financially from their children if they have the means. May not b a “reward” so much so as a token of gratitude? And I do agree w someone else that it sounds like her parents went above just “raising” her in providing her w every opportunity. At the same time, it’s her wedding and she shouldn’t have to do anything that deeply makes her unhappy for someone else. But like I said, maybe she could’ve redefined what it meant to HER rather than go by traditional definition and do it for her father if he was expected to pay which is..traditional

[@kristenmollner4910]

I have ultra strong opinions about being given away - I was raised by my stepdad, but still have a relationship with my biological dad. It feels like too many emotions and people to have them both walk me down the aisle. I’ll also be 33 at the date of my wedding. I’ve bought two homes, I’ve lived and supported myself since I was 17. The concept just doesn’t really feel all that relatable. Thankfully they’ve both been very understanding about my reasoning for wanting to walk down the aisle alone. 😊

[@SupernaturalLove100]

That makes sense tho bc of your two fathers and bc of how long you supported yourself for. I guess it depends on who’s paying for it lol

[@bigwezz]

And obviously you'll not be expecting either of them to pay towards you wedding right? 😅

[@kristenmollner4910]

I’ve never asked or expected any of the parents to give us money for the wedding. We’re paying for it majority of it but my dads asked if they could contribute some money. I was hesitant to take it, but they both really wanted to and considered it as some form of reparations for my upbringing. Not all parents give money as a way to gain control in the wedding or feel they are owed anything as a result. They both mean a lot to me and they’ll still be part of my day (I haven’t decided exactly how yet). However, being walked down the aisle is a hill I’ll day on. I haven’t had to though. They are both very understanding and supportive. I think a lot of people forget that not all money and family dynamics are created equal. So they put their own families in these scenarios and decide what’s right or wrong just because money is or isn’t involved.

[@bigwezz]

@@kristenmollner4910 Ah yeah, money talks all the time. If you don't want some sort of patriarchal custom of walking down the aisle, then why accepts the patriarchal custom of a father paying for or towards the wedding? 😅

[@kristenmollner4910]

If you took the time to actually read my reasoning on not being walked down the aisle, nowhere does it say I’m not wanting to walked down the aisle because I feel it’s part of the patriarchy. Neither did I say that they wanted to contribute money because of the patriarchy. They want to help as a way to apologize. At the end of the day, it’s not your wedding or your parents. So I don’t expect you to understand the reasoning behind insisting wanting to walk alone or them insisting to help financially and I’m certainly not going to lay out decades of a complex family dynamic to a rando on the internet to explain it.

[@afreebirdflew3186]

NTA for all. 1- shouldnt be expected to be a babysitter. 2- Boundaries!! MIL not respecting boundaries is a huge violation. 3- Bride has the absolute right not to have dad walk down the aisle. But dad is also in the right to then not need to offer financial contribution, they can still enjoy the day and have respective boundaries

[@ThylakoidsRGo]

Came for the content, stayed for your comic timing 😂😂😂 great delivery ❤❤❤

[@writerspen010]

1. NAH. I respect that OP took on a high-maintenance pet and is doing their best to give it a good home and reduce the bird's trauma; however, I can see how the bride would think OP was the AH. Wedding planning can be high-stress experiences, especially if you're feeling overwhelmed (she's got young kids on top of planning it, right?). I can see how that would come across as OP not making an effort to help the bride, since the excuse is strange out of context. Glad they were able to work it out. 2. ESH. MIL should not have given the speech. Bride had other ways she could have better addressed the situation without making a scene that most assuredly made her new husband and wedding guests uncomfortable. E.g., Requesting that a bridesmaid, the DJ, or the wedding coordinator to intervene beforehand if people try to give speeches, including family. 3. Dad is the AH. If you're going to give money and have certain expectations about how you are to participate in the wedding, he should have addressed that when first offering the money. Daughter is not the AH for not wanting to be walked down the aisle. You can't force people to participate in traditions that make them uncomfortable and/or hold no sentimental value to them. There are other ways Dad can still participate in the wedding, such as giving a speech or helping pick the music for the father/daughter dance (I'm assuming it's still being included, since it wasn't mentioned). Deciding to walk oneself down the aisle is not a snub or being rude and ungrateful. It's a tradition rooted in things that make some modern brides very uncomfortable. It's not fair to ask her to compromise her values to do something that makes her feel like a piece of property on her wedding day. Gifts should not come with strings attached, but, if they are, those strings need to be stated and compromises need to be made when there is a difference of opinion or values.

[@salamanda11]

Walking down the aisle story: dad is not entitled to walk daughter down the aisle. And it’s not disrespectful for her to say she doesn’t want that. I didn’t want my dad to do it either; my husband and I walked in together. But we did involve our parents in the ceremony in another way: all 4 parents, not just father of the bride. I also feel very strongly that people are not entitled to money from their parents to pay for their wedding. You choose to get married, you plan a wedding you can afford.

[@s.a.4358]

Indeed the father is not entitled to walk his daughter down the aisle, but she is also not entitled to have her father / parents pay for her wedding.

[@djdener5504]

In this particular story she is 'entitled' to some money. The father said that he gave her sibling money for the wedding. I think in the name of fairness she should get some. I know I'm probably alone with that option 😅

[@salamanda11]

@@djdener5504 That makes sense! In general, I don’t think people should expect money from their parents for their weddings. But if they helped your sibling, it would make sense you expect something similar.

[@s.a.4358]

@@djdener5504 definitely in terms of fairness I also think she should get some money and there should be equal treatment of all children, but it is still entitlement. We also do not know what the terms were for the sibling getting the money and whether any expectations on the father’s / parents’ part were attached to the money gift to the sibling.

[@SupernaturalLove100]

@@djdener5504 But to be fair, if the daughter doesn’t believe in being “given away” at her wedding and can’t redefine what her father walking her down the aisle would mean to HER rather than the traditional meaning, why would he as the father be obligated to do the traditional thing and give her the amount of money it took to pay for her sisters wedding when we are doing away w tradition within the wedding? Eh

[@SupernaturalLove100]

14:14 The groom DID choose his mother and sisters’ side over his wife’s though. Why should the younger BRIDE b expected not to respond w pettiness toward the older MIL when she set the standard? & if that’s what the groom was upset by, his wife’s reaction, why wasn’t he upset by his mothers petty behavior? Why should the wife b expected to b the bigger person?? The MIL disrupted her celebrations w her speech which she prefaced with “I don’t care bc he’s my only son” and the MIL viewed her IGNORING her speech as a disruption also when really the wife was proceeding her celebration the way she intended on her day. I don’t think the bride is inherently wrong. Not everyone is as evolved as you or others may be nor do they view things the same as it happens to them. You definitely try to assume the best outta people Jamie but on your wedding day, you’re really going to go against your wife concerning smthing that was also done against her? Cmon now. Marriage = unity. I’m not saying he should’ve shat on his mother for disregarding his wife’s rule but he should’ve bare minimum not chosen sides. The groom feels like TA-hole for getting upset with his WIFE and along w the mother being TA. Sure, the wife could’ve handled it better, absolutely, but again, can we reasonably expect everyone to be evolved enough to handle something in the most mature manner in the moment regarding a complete moment of disregard? This really just turns me off to anyone coming to wedding celebrations lol people are entitled and disrespectful and mothers can b zilla’s.

[@crittaable]

Getting married in 4 months...I absolutely DETEST the idea of someone giving my away as if I'm a possession or a burden but I know my dad would be DEVASTATED if I said no to him walking me down the aisle...so as Jamie said instead of the whole "who GIVES this woman" we are changing it to "who APPROVES of this man to marry this woman". My fiance is an amazing man who knows if my dad didn't think him worthy of his daughter he wouldn't have got a foot in the door.

[@NealaG]

I love this, I will take this for my wedding next year, thank you!!

[@jaz9915]

I've never even heard of the "who gives this woman" line before. My dad just walked me down, gave me a hug, gave my husband a hug, and went to stand by my mom. Officiant didn't say a word. (Granted, our officiant was a friend, not a professional).

[@jocelynsmyth6604]

For some, the giving away is more like 'entrusting her safety and happiness to you, from our family into your new family together' im all for changing the language, while still appreciating the love a lot of parents feel for their daughter

[@Bodine22infp]

Congratulations, I hope you are blissfully happy!! I'm getting married in a little over a month and this makes me so glad I'm Catholic 😅 -- we don't do the "who gives this woman" thing. My dad is going to walk me down the aisle, we'll hug, and then he'll sit down before the wedding really starts.

[@francescamazzonelli1670]

Like I am Italian and raised in Catholic culture but nobody ever said "gives away this woman"... I never thought about it this way

[@ace_of_cakes]

Honestly #3 gives me the ick. He offered to pay for her wedding as a gift, but retracted that the moment the person he raised to be an independent thinker wanted something different than him. It just reeks of parents who use gifts to manipulate their children. And the implication that she owes him something for raising her also turns me off. He chose to have kids, he chose the responsibilities that come with that, she does not owe him anything. If he wants to be included in the wedding, absolutely they should talk and hopefully find a solution that works for both of them. If he always imagined walking her down the aisle and has some feelings about not getting to do that, he absolutely should hold space for that. But if a gift has conditions, it's not a gift, it's a deal. Which is fine, so long as you communicate that up front. It doesn't sound like he did that, it sounds like he revoked his gift in an attempt to get his way.

[@lizard3755]

I like the idea of my dad walking me down the aisle not because he's "giving me away" but because I see it as him accompanying me to the start of a new chapter of my life with my husband. That being said, I completely understand some people not being comfortable with it, either because of its roots in the history of marriages being transactions where women are the goods, not wanting to because of family relationships, or any other reason. It's YOUR day. Obviously it's ideal for the whole family to be happy, but if you feel strongly about something you shouldn't feel pressured to give in to someone with a different opinion than yours.

[@TheEarthWater]

That father is the one with the nasty attitude! You can tell from his edits that he went into it completely sure he's NAH and has no intention of listening to anyone. I don't see how his daughters decision is "not independent thinking because it is inconsiderate" - he just feels entitled to walk her down the aisle and does not want to accept her view on the "giving her away" thing. Yes, the original reason behind it got overshadowed by sentimental, traditional reasons. But she can still be uncomfortable with it, knowing the original idea - just as it is possible to know about it and decide it does not matter anymore. It's her wedding and if she would feel strange being given away, then that's her call. She doesn't have to do it just to appease him. It feels like he doesn't like if the "independent thinking" goes against him. Also, he seems really smug with the "I feel sorry for you if you thought this would ruin our relationship". Yikes

[@GreenGrl2023]

Walking down the aisle: Dad is being the Ahole here. To claim you want your daughter to be an independent thinker and then get annoyed and push back against her when she doesn't do what YOU want is not fair. And to insist on getting your own way or getting some public recognition b/c you raised her and made sacrifices for her, etc. is looking at it the wrong way. Too many parents try to reduce love to a transaction--"I've done X for you all your life (or I spent X amount of money on you), and so now you're obligated to do what I want"...if you love your daughter, then respect HER wishes and stop making this about you and what you feel you're entitled to. You get to have your feelings, of course, and yes, I'm sure you've been a great dad and made tons of sacrifices for your baby. But she's a different person from you, and she's allowed to feel differently than you do.

[@CidVeldoril]

You can absolutely respect her wishes and want her to have a lovely wedding, while also not wanting to pay for it. Saying "Okay, if this is what you want, then I wish you the best, but I'm not paying for it" is no assholish, it's healthy. Everyone has boundaries. She has hers, he has his.

[@carolinemarchand4743]

As things were between us, I would not have wanted my dad to walk me down the aisle, as he was never supportive in hard times... he was always here to celebrate successes but never here to hold my hand when the path was rough... he used to think that the only way to help you solve your issues was a kick in the ass... I know his intentions were not bad, it was his way to 'send me back on track' except it didn't work and I told him so but he wouldn't get it... Anyway he passed away 4 months ago, unexpectedly and far too young... now I am sure that 'he will never get it' and he will never walk me down the aisle

[@vcutler4735]

You couldnt have just sat there and let the mother have her speech because it would show you would let her walk all over you. It was very much a power play on her part. I think getting up to use the restroom or continuing to talk would have been fine. Best outcome would have been as another commenter said a third party ending the speech to keep blame off the bride.

[@SupernaturalLove100]

17:22 Yes! Usher! He’s a songwriter, and songwriters can also be poets / philosophers.

[@roselover411]

I loved your husband's actions in your ad reel XD He looked like he was having a super fun time pretending to be 007! Also excoriate is indeed a word, if you were still wondering. But it means "to censure or criticize severely", so I don't know if it is the word that OP was intending. It can totally be applied to speeches, but it really depends on the purpose of the speech. Excruciating has a wider use in this instance. However if MIL usually gives _mean_ speeches, then maybe she really did mean excoriating.

[@AineBCM]

I think the age of the bride in the not wanting the father to give her away one is actually important, not because they shouldn't been getting married in late teens/early 20s (though that is a valid separate conversation), but the father clearly doesn't actually see yet her as an independent women. Many parents would have a different relationship or perspective on their child who lets say is a 30 year old and who has lived and worked out of the home for a decade or more.

[@Zil_Senczy]

Omg your EARRINGS!!! Where did you get them?!?!? SO cute!!!

[@abi1457]

for the walking down the aisles story, my dad has four daughters and he will not be walking any down the aisle, for a range of reasons, nor does he want to. Both my parents have said if a man tries to ask their 'permission' or 'blessing' to propose they will say no as they clearly would not understand or respect me our family enough to be a part of it. I'm not against it as a tradition, do what's best for you 100%, but I've never seen it as a sign of respect to have a man walk you down the aisle. I also never understand when people say they taught their children (especially daughters) to be 'free thinkers' and then be but hurt when they don't want to be involved in silly outdated traditions. It's the same with surnames. for those interested my oldest sister had her step-dad walk her down the aisle, another will have her mother walk down (both half-siblings) and my other sister entered and walked down the aisle with her wife and I will not be getting married.

[@francescamazzonelli1670]

I think it depends from colture. In Italy (Catholic country) we never say "who gives this woman", never heard of it before in my life. And I think nobody sees it that way... I think our perception of it developed with time. I personally see it as "you are really leaving our home, for real, and creating yours". It's symbolig a sign of passage. And both my mother and grandma have dear memories about the moment between them and their father right before entering into the church with them asking them if they were sure and telling them they would always have a place back at home if they change idea, for whatever reason. I find it sweet.

[@LokiTaviel]

With walking down the aisle, I am not even having my parents present at my wedding due to how our relationship is. My partner (we're jewish so both parties walk with their parents) has a great relationship with his and wants them to walk him down. Rather than walk alone, and have it blatantly obvious of something, I am having my teenage daughter walk with me, so it is still symbolic of families joining together.

[@AbbySmith-mf4yq]

I LOVE your earrings oh my god!! (Also the content, you’re awesome!)

[@colleendeighton3524]

That dad is the AH. Where does he draw the line on her non-traditional wedding? If I can't walk too, no money. If your dress is cream instead of white, no money? If there's no shrimp cocktail, no money?! That money is a gift, and shouldn't have strings attached.

[@CidVeldoril]

Would you say the same thing if she was a white supremacist who wants nazi party flags at the wedding? Should no strings be attached then either? People are not entitled to gifts. Ever. If the giftgiver feels the recipient does not deserve the gift, then not giving it, is okay.

[@feelosophy1921]

I believe he should think about why he feels so strongly about wanting to walk her down the aisle she may have a different reaction to the moment. I also believe he should ask the daughter why, it could be she sees it as having to change her relationship with her sweetheart of a Dad.

[@Ash-ec1ke]

When I and my husband had our wedding my dad has passed for 8 years and I had older siblings but their health was not good so I asked my older nephew, long story short I had a older dad, and my nephew was the best he agreed to do it and it was great for him and my dad would want

[@yvonneburns2786]

Last story find a compromise, have the other sibling escort the bride to the groom.

[@adiarae360]

And I’m already here!

[@daniellescheepers3957]

Your husband is hilarious! Love you guys together :D

[@orionspero560]

My problem with the bride mother-in-law. Speech reaction is not that it was too petty but that it was a half measure. To me this feels like a go to the mattress's situation. On the other hand you want a solution short of somebody's going to the morgue somebody's going to jail. Possibly knocker the fuck out?

[@Claireannette77]

The giving away dad needs therapy. I understand what he means and where he’s coming from… but it’s obvious from the way he types he needs therapy. We all do

[@gemmalouise7574]

Non of our family are interested in our wedding I didn’t expect the reaction they gave to my engagement even though my finance was traditional and asked permission from both my parents ::( xx

[@buburdp]

I'm so glad in my culture there are never speeches at weddings. Less drama to deal with. Aaand I hate speeches

[@Nicole-is-global]

The bride talking over speech was not petty. She did nothing wrong.

[@taylorwalker7417]

If tanking the vibe of your own wedding isn't considered wrong, then...I guess whatever floats your boat.

[@MrsRichardson23]

I hope that the bride who doesn’t want to be given away sees this and I hope it helps her! I just got married in October and felt very similarly and very strongly about not being given away. Instead of being given away I was escorted down the aisle by my father and our officiant including as part of our ceremony that I chose my father to escort me on this important day but that I was entering into the marriage freely and I was not property to be given. My officiant included how important my father’s role was to us. The brides father has hurt feeling and is acting ridiculous in my opinion but we also paid for our own wedding and didn’t accept financial support from either set of our parents.

[@SebbieSaurus22]

For the one with the unwanted speech, I would 100% get up and leave. OP laid down a boundary that she didn't want to sit through speeches at her wedding. She should have stuck to that boundary and gone to the bathroom or something until MIL sat back down.

[@SebbieSaurus22]

For the dad refusing to pay: Soft YTA. He's not obligated to pay, but refusing to acknowledge the extremely misogynistic idea of "giving your daughter away" and the fact that his daughter didn't want to participate in that ritual was, frankly, horrifying. He does not respect her. His later gift of the money instead was to "prove" to people that he wasn't actually wrong, not because he genuinely felt bad about hurting his daughter.

[@natashazlobinsky4662]

I truly dont understand how everyone is saying NTA for 1!!! Stepmom is prioritising a bird over a family member. She could surely find someone to watch the bird for a few days. Maybe she doesn't go for a full week, but at least a weekend?! Is that too much to ask? Why do people marry partners with children if they then refuse to be in the children's lives?! Even if the daughter was grown already. Very much the AH!

[@alyj6398]

Would it have been possible for the bride to signal to the Maid of Honor or someone else to go up and cut the MIL's speech off and direct everyone's attention elsewhere? IDK, to just listen would probably have been the best course of action, but literally anything else other than just ignoring her would also have been better.

[@kristengates261]

I think walking away is appropriate. It’s a healthy response to someone violating your boundaries. The bride definitely should not have to sit there and be disrespected. Let MIL finish speech, but she doesn’t have to be a part of it

[@kat12.]

I feel bad for the OP’s husband in the speech one. I have a controlling mom and at some point in your life, you learn which battles to pick. Letting her say a speech is not the battle. I’ve been saying this to my fiancé lately, but I could never marry someone who’s not in it with me to understand what those battles are. He’s my number one ally in the moments when I’m feeling frustrated and hurt by her. And especially with wedding planning, we’ve been working together to figure out what’s worth giving her control and when to stand our ground. And I feel like the husband didn’t get that from his wife. I understand that she was frustrated, but that’s only the first thing that they’re going to have to deal with in that marriage. But people who didn’t have parents like that don’t usually understand, and that’s okay except that now you’re in a partnership and you have to try to understand.

[@lauram7803]

Parents should help their children (male and female) to become successful and independent enough to pay for their own weddings. Whether it's trade school, military, college.

[@yvonneburns2786]

I'd like to know what's your worst wedding planning that went down all the way to the Swanee river?

[@bibbaaah]

I'm so glad that my dad does not go on Reddit. People can be so rude on there. I don't think the dad was an a-hole for not paying for the wedding. I think his daughter may have disappointed him because I believe- being a daddy's girl myself- that fathers always dream of the moment when they can walk their daughter down the aisle to a man that they approve of, and I think to take that away from a father is really rude. Honestly, it's not about "giving you away" it's about the closeness of a father-daughter relationship. I also think as it is usually the father's last name of the bride which she is going to change, I think that is also part of the concept of giving your daughter away. She will be changing her name. She will no longer have the father's paternal last name in most cases. I think that has something to do with the concept of "giving her away" and I don't believe it has anything to do with ownership. I think it's a lot deeper than that and some people just take the words to heart without recognizing the deeper meaning of them.

[@klm_shadow]

I agree with you! So glad someone gets it and that you have a close bond with your father. As a soon to be 40 year old woman I would absolutely want my father to walk me down the aisle. I guess it’s a bonding moment to me. It’s like a right of passage and honor for a father to “let his baby girl go”. Even at my age I am dad’s little girl. We went through a rough patch however in recent years we have bonded when he had a health scare. I guess he realized it’s a good thing to show your daughter you love her instead of assuming she knows.

[@fibanocci314]

What is "waffle on the floor"????

[@whoahanant]

Birds are high maintenance pets and from the sound of it OP has a Macaw that has most likely been neglected and has many mental, social and possibly some physical issues as sadly birds self harm themselves just the same way humans can. Birds are basically human toddlers, they have the mental capacity of 5 year olds. This means they are very much high maintenance animals and it's why many bird owners, including myself, will tell most people that are interested in birds, DON'T GET ONE. Unless you're prepared to socialize with your bird almost more than you socialize with a human do not get one, if you can't handle LOUD sounds don't get one, if you can't handle them chewing through wood like a beaver don't get one, if you can't afford the fresh fruit, veggies and treats don't get one, if you can't handle the skin cleaving bites don't get one and if you can't handle the bathroom and flighy training don't get one. They are more work than any dog or cat. I know, I have dogs, cats and a parrot. OP is doing the right thing caring for this bird, some neglected birds are prone to self harming themselves when seperated from the person or bird who has bonded with it. I doubt a chunk of people who responded negatively to OP understand parrots at all as there's decades of misinformation about them. They are not normal pets and if you don't have a close relationship to someone why would you prioritize them over your pet?

[@Badalien13]

Yeah sorry not sorry my dad died 8vyears ago and u would give anything to have him here to give me away at NY wedding. He understood me and knew he didn't own me and it wasn't about a transfer if property ownership i thubk its more symbolic of truly gorging up leaving the nest and beginning your life and starting your own family grow up

[@Mr.And.Mrs.Wedding]

1. NTA and I get loving your animal but I do feel sorry for step daughter and she did go over board. Also we don't know what both of them has done to each other before this. 2. Audomatically its your guys wedding so your rules and everyone needs to respect that. I would do the same. Expecally because of MILs first line she said. To me if someone is blantly disrespecting me I will do the same back. It sounds like MIL cut off your convo so you could have argued that you needed to finish it. Lastly you made a point that her speeches are always long and rude. If your husband wanted his mom to make a speech he could have talked to OP about it and they could have given her strict rules to follow. 3. Everyone can have their own opinions and I get both of you. Personally I want my dad to walk me down the asile, and I wont tell my parents or my future SOs parents pay for anything so that they cannot make any decisions. They will know that anything they give is a gift not a way to be a boss.

[@k4nd1incyb3rsp4c3]

You're not entitled to have your wedding paid for, but saying you'll pay then withdrawing that promise because the wedding isn't going to be what you want? That's scummy. I think gifting the money is a good compromise though, especially because it matches the money the sibling got for their wedding. Luckily I don't think this dad was upset about the actual tradition and more about not getting to be in the wedding, so they'll definitely figure out a way to include him in the ceremony.

[@taylorwalker7417]

Sorry, it's not only the bride's day. If the groom's mom wabted to go rogue and publicly appreciate him, amd the groom WANTED TO HEAR IT, then swallow your pride and handle it like an adult LATER. She ruined what was going to be an important moment for her new husband, it doesn't matter if she wanted it or not.

[@michellewong9209]

I thought it was common knowledge that accepting someone else's money (parents, relatives, family friends, etc.) to pay for your wedding means that they get a say in the wedding planning. IMHO, dad was never the AH for declining to financially cover the entire wedding cost if he wasn't included the ceremony. FH and I are planning a small wedding that we pay for ourselves to avoid making compromises for our special day.

[@s.a.4358]

That was also my thought, if the parents are covering (a large part of) the wedding, they are entitled to express some requests. I don’t think the daughter is an AH for not wanting to be walked down the aisle, but she also cannot demand her father / parents to pay for her wedding, which is also not an obligation.

[@QueenMFLaurie]

😂 12:26 Disagree Pettyness all the way

[@Squirreltasticqueen]

I would have just left go to the bathroom, and let the mil have fun. Tbh im not sure id want speeches either. And having the father give a daughter away has always been property stuff. 😂 to deny that is stupid AF, you are taken from one protector to another. For sure you can change it today but its like. The orgin is the orgin dont get cheecky about it.

[@fenixsoul3102]

I'm not a fan of how the dad worded the story and then his edits. It felt like he worded it in a way to gain sympathy, but then looked down on those who gave very real responses. Yes, people do end relationships over situations like this. Its not a, sorry for you people, kind of situation implying that they're miserable. Its a very real scenario that people were warning him about. Lowkey feeling like its a fake story or some sort of bait. Also, if not walking your daughter down the isle is the thing that convinces you to revoke payment, something deeper is going on there in general.

[@notinvogue4287]

Sit there and listen to ML speak. Maybe not address the ML directly. But, later discussion with your husband how blatantly went against your wishes, and moving forward, you will need his support in setting boundaries with her and maybe explain how it made you feel.

[@lizajane2971]

MIL was pushing boundaries, but agree the bride should have just listened for a few minutes. Husband should've been the one to stop it or talk over it if anyone did.

[@lizajane2971]

If the daughter wants the tradition of her dad paying for the wedding, then she should accept the tradition of him walking her down the aisle. If she wants to not have the who gives this woman part, that would be a good compromise. I think it was rude of her not to consider her dad's feelings.

[@CidVeldoril]

You are not entitled to your parents' money. If they decide to not want to pay for your wedding, then that is their right and if that means you have to pick less expensive options to match your own budget, then that is also fine. NTA on the dad. Not wanting to be an ATM is perfectly valid.

[@Sara-vn2kz]

I think the symbolism of the FoB "giving away" the daughter is beautiful. He has been responsible for her well-being throughout her childhood and young adulthood, and now he is passing that responsibility and honor to the groom. This is not about ownership. It's about protecting, loving, and providing for all needs. It would be cool if there was a similar tradition where the MoG or FoG passed the role to the bride, bc we all know that wives do as much to care for their spouses as husbands do.

[@yumii4938]

Super weird how in this video you are all about the dad being able to give his daughter an ultimatum, she let's him walk her down the aisle or he takes away the money. Meanwhile in a different video you called out a woman for giving an ultimatum to her kids and went off about how inappropriate it is to use weddings as bargaining chips and ultimatums are unhealthy. You're pretty hypocritical here.

[@rosec8101]

For the last thread. I honestly feel like it's rude for the daughter to not let dad walk her down the aisle but still want the cash. I feel it would be disrespectful to all the late nights and sacrifice the father poured out to be a great dad. I have a terrible relationship with my mom. She was still invited to my wedding and even made cutting remarks to my groom on the day. I have let it go.

[@s.a.4358]

I agree. I don’t think the daughter is wrong for saying she doesn’t want her father to walk her down the aisle, but I can also understand the father’s feelings if that was something he cares about and not in his mind associated with owning his daughter (walking down the aisle versus the giving away part). I also do not think it is unreasonable for parents to have certain requests if they are paying for a wedding, which is not at all a small amount of money. If they daughter wants to assert herself as her own person away from her family (which I am not at all judging), she also should be prepared to pay for her own wedding or to have the wedding she can afford at this stage in her life.

[@asana_awakening]

I personally was so happy I had my dad walk me down the aisle.. I was a mess and nervous, but he helped me put one foot in front of the other while cracking jokes to make me laugh in the process. He was there for support and that’s exactly what he did in that moment, make me feel supported beyond measure 🥹🫶🏼