'AITA for Wanting My Mom W/ When My Wife Has Our Baby?' -- Reddit Story

[@lydialussier2604]

I’m astounded he allows his mom to treat her like that. My husband would NEVER allow any family member to even raise their voice at me. Wow. That husband is really showing who he cares about more.

[@renanawendel]

You are totally Right! My Stepmother was mean really to me and my husband said that NO One is talking to his wife like that. And I wouldn't accept that for my husband either. I mean, you marry someone, because that person is the most important person for you.

[@austenmidland7034]

My husband and I weren't even on good terms when we found out about baby #1, as in we were discussing custody arrangements because we were so rocky. But even then he fully stood up for me against a family member and stayed on my side no matter what our personal relationship was at the time. Her husband is an absolute nightmare and he should be ashamed for putting his mother above his wife and baby

[@Myrathosghost]

So the dude who wrote the AITA post made another post and he says he’s never seen his mom act like that and that his wife only sees her act like this when his mom and his wife are alone or he himself isnt around Hes said his wife has never lied to him but hes never seen his mother act poorly toward someone so he cant believe shes that rude to his wife Granted I assume he just doesn’t see it and it does happen and he is an asshole and he was such an asshole that his entire Reddit account got suspended xD

[@prihaps]

@@Myrathosghost thats funny he said that bc my husband said that about his mom to me when we first started dating. Got worse when we were married to the point he just straight exploded on her which he is not a yeller (bc she started disrespecting me in front of my stepson, her grandson). But he absolutely picked me over his mom. He never told me I was wrong. He (the first couple times) would tell me maybe shes going thru something. Anyway TLDR hubs put his mom in her damn place. We went no contact with her and it went about 6 months before she called me out of the blue and very apologetic. It’s been like 4 ish years and she has really stepped back yall😂

[@sendnoodle5]

I feel lucky to be with my boyfriend. His mom seems to have a history of causing mild drama here and there in the family. He is excellent at protecting me from any of it and encourages me to stand up for myself if needed, and he'll be right there with me to enforce our boundaries. That's how it should always be.

[@Sam-jd9yu]

This guy is terrible. He actually called her selfish for wanting what makes her comfortable while she gives birth. If there is ever a time when it's 100% ok to be selfish, it's when you are going through so much pain to bring a life into this world. Then he tries to make it seem weird that it's ok for her Dad to be there to see her in a vulnerable state, when her Dad will have changed her, bathed her, potty trained her etc. and is probably someone who makes her feel safe. And that's before we get to him just dismissing all of the times she has told him about how his mother treats her. Seriously is it too late to divorce him?

[@estherrodriguez2054]

Nothing is more important for a woman who is in labor than that she feels comfortable and is able to relax. Fear and anxiety are huge components in the perception of pain. Only people that make her feel supported and relaxed should be anywhere near her.

[@juliathompson3701]

Being highly stressed during delivery on top of a high risk pregnancy can cause some serious risks she should be as comfortable and calm as possible

[@brittanietoomey1404]

Seriously she needs to see this. Then file for divorce he sucks.

[@cammy60467]

The pregnant woman giving birth gets whatever she wants. Period. Edit: wow! I’ve never gotten this many likes y’all, thanks!

[@jaynemccabe8701]

Yup!!

[@rabeccarynder9514]

Thank you. I don’t know why it’s hard for him to understand 🙄

[@QuestionableQueefs]

PERIODT.

[@estherrodriguez2054]

Nothing is more important for a woman who is in labor than that she feels comfortable and is able to relax. Fear and anxiety are huge components in the perception of pain. Only people that make her feel supported and relaxed should be anywhere near her.

[@KCNicole]

My husband and I had this same ass argument. One day it was brought up in front of my OB. He looked me right in my face and said "Lucky for you, I don't care a single bit what anyone wants but you and I WILL remove anyone that doesn't make you feel entirely comfortable." That was the end of the conversation.

[@TwoHotTakes]

AMAZING! This is how all providers should be.

[@shavonnegibson8918]

Please give his information, I will move to wherever he is.... this a real human being as a doctor

[@AllysonRR]

AAAAAAAMEM

[@xchelserrano1056]

More men like this please

[@Janet2684]

Only men like this.

[@glorialemmon9144]

It’s their baby but it’s her labor. End of story.

[@KDawnn]

BOOM!👊🏻

[@Jo-cj1ro]

KA POW you tell’em😎☝🏾

[@soph2799]

This!!!!

[@kennedypires991]

yeah, he's not the one going into labor. she is. so he doesn't get to decide who sees her in that moment of vulnerability for her especially if the MIL has been rude before.

[@zaracummins4481]

Say it louder for the kids in back 👏

[@mione134]

High risk pregnancy. Husband admits mother is rude and degrading to his wife. Says stuff about her weight. Judging her birth plan. Wife tells you what happens at the mothers house about the plate, Husband says "allegedly", yet knows AND admitted full well that his mother is not nice to the wife. Wife needs a new Husband. I see this relationship ending in divorce. Wait til the baby is born. Grandma is going to be even MORE overbearing. Husband sounds like a mommy's boy who knows his mom ain't shit, but will choose her over his WIFE. This is such a mess. I feel bad for the wife.

[@katiematos8148]

My jaw almost hit the floor when this man said “allegedly”

[@stepfaniebarba]

@@katiematos8148 mine didn’t, only because that’s exactly how my husband is with his father and step mom. It’s one of the reasons we are in the middle of a divorce. I’ve broke down to him, telling him shit his father and step mom has done to me, and he straight out said TO MY FACE “well it’s not happening in front of me, so it must not be happening”. Straight toxic as fuck. His parents have even done shit in front of him and he ignores it. I went off once about it and he yelled at me “I just don’t understand why YOU just can’t get along with them”. Yep. I don’t see this marriage going far with a shitty husband like that

[@katiematos8148]

@@stepfaniebarba divorce for sure is hard but spending forever with someone like that is harder. I’m so sorry you had to go through that. You deserve someone who’s priority is you and not mommy and daddy. These men are too old to be acting this childish.

[@stepfaniebarba]

@@katiematos8148 thank you, and you’re spot on! He’s a narcissist, so it took a while for me to see through the gaslighting and other bullshit… but thank goodness I did! I went through years of emotional, verbal, and sexual abuse; when he added on financial abuse to the mix, I realized what what going on and ended it. So many women don’t realize their worth because of shitty partners.

[@Kmonkeygoddess]

Someone tell Alice she needsa divorce. Sounds like her dad and step mom would have her back 100%

[@amichebid9821]

precisely, her husband clearly does not care about her feelings in this circumstance and he would much rather take his mom’s side than the woman he chose to marry.

[@stringcheese6833]

If her MIL cares about her 30 pounds of weight gain, then she can drop 300 pounds by dropping her and her Mama's boy husband.

[@squishy2368]

Divorce isn't the only answer. It's toxic as hell to jump to that. You hardly know this couple or situation just a story on his side. The amount of people that jump to divorce first is disgusting lmao you're dating the man not the mother.

[@Kmonkeygoddess]

@@squishy2368 The fact of the matter is that that man is the one writing it and doesn't think there's anything wrong with his mother and how she treats his wife. The situation he describes is straight up toxic. So yeah she needs to get out of that relationship where she's with someone who allows other people to treat her like that and insists that she allows people that treat her like that during her private and emotional event. Not only is he putting her at medical risk by forcing the issue of his mother being there, but showing he has no respect or reverance for his wife or her boundaries. So yes. That is divorce because if he's letting his mom treat her like that and thinks it's OK, what is he not saying that he is likely doing behind closed doors with the wife. It's def an abuse situation and she needs to take herself and that baby out of it.

[@squishy2368]

@@Kmonkeygoddess okay I never said anything about his actions though? His actions were gross but of we sit here and compare EVERYONE to their worst moments Noone would be safe everyone would be canceled and alone. Jumping to divorce over an issue with his mother is ridiculous and toxic as hell the people who comment "divorce him" over one situation without knowing everything are toxic as hell the abuse is with his mother. There was no abuse on his end only not understanding. I'm simply using the info given and not just making assumptions on someone's relationship.

[@sofiamartinez3742]

OP is most definitely self-absorbed. Some things in life are not about “fairness” because when you think about it SHE is the one who will be doing all the delivery work, not you, which is why she should get to chose. But beyond that, why would you want someone as toxic as a MIL like that during such a special moment. Mother doesn’t need that toxicity. He is basically trying to make it about himself, the way little kids want everything to be equal. And that is beyond tone-deaf

[@maloumasereel966]

Preach

[@b_jean755]

He sounds abusive himself honestly!! He probably picked up on some of his horrible mothers behavior!!

[@Jo-cj1ro]

Couldn’t have said it better myself

[@catherinetrewhella5133]

Yes!! Even if his mother promised to be on her “best behavior”, his wife would STILL be on eggshells her entire birth! and all he can think about is what he and his mom want?? horrible.

[@MooCow765]

Sometimes it’s equity over equality, this is one of those cases, wife get the most care and gets to choose who gets to be there when she gives birth, not her husband, he’s just there because he didn’t use a condom

[@FaithBetta]

“It unfair that she can have her dad there and I can’t have my mom there” HOMEBOY!! YOU AREN’T THE ONE PUSHING A BABY OUT! You don’t need your mommy there.

[@hannahjo2165]

Ooof

[@hannahjo2165]

Of cy

[@hannahjo2165]

Okay j

[@hannahjo2165]

Oh ln

[@hannahjo2165]

Lll

[@itsjooby]

Mama’s boys are a whole other breed of dehumanizing.

[@marzigeisha]

Or if the mother is a great single parent, they treat their partners like gold.

[@estherhuston5600]

My boyfriend is a Mama's boy and he's just wonderful but it is one way or the other and no in between. 1. Guy is amazing to his mother but will put her before every single person in his life and disregard their feelings. 2. Guy is amazing to his mother and respects his girlfriend and wife because he loved his mum and will put you first because he knows his mum would want his dad to do that. It's either so much respect or no respect.

[@alarakentel6698]

@@marzigeisha theres no inbetween

[@beckys3383]

@@marzigeisha The thing with mama's boys is it was found that mothers often make there sons fill the roll a spouse would have, leading to an unhealthy relationship for both the son, future daughter in law, and even the mother herself. She feels like she is being replaced and doesn't think of what her son needs and feels threatened by his wife.

[@ebonyloveivory]

Srsly.😖

[@thevioletoracle]

"She's been critical of her weight gain" defines the exact number of pounds she gained. Dude. It's a magical day for her, and a high stress and pain day. Sorry but the MIL's feelings are not the most important regarding the delivery. If Alice is uncomfortable, it's her right to not have her in there.

[@laurabaze874]

My MIL is the farthest thing from toxic, and I still didn’t want her in the room. It’s such an intimate experience, the wife should 100% get to choose who is there.

[@HELLOKITTY1221D]

I think she was saying her mil isn’t toxic and she still wouldn’t want her in the room so she understands how the wife wouldn’t want her in there

[@discogoth]

Right!! My partner’s mother is spectacular and I’m lucky to have future in-laws who love and respect me me like their own kids. But I still only want my partner and my mom in the room with me, aside from obviously medical personnel, because I don’t want to feel like I’m giving a performance to friends or other family members. And I really don’t want too many voices in the room. Nothing personal by any means, I’m just a private person. OP’s wife, however, has a MIL & husband who clearly don’t even respect her, let alone love her. More than anyone she should be able to have her privacy.

[@someonerandom256]

I legit made my mother leave the room, when she was there for my the birth of my oldest. I also made my husband stay up by my head and hold my hand because I was afraid I would poop 😆

[@laurabaze874]

@@someonerandom256 yeah I didn’t have my mom in the room either. Just my husband!

[@summeranderson3848]

Exactly my thoughts. I love my MIL so much but I only want my hubby and maybe my best friend in the room

[@TheIsabellaremington]

While giving birth to my daughter, I pooped, vomited, screamed, and bled. Immediately after birth I passed blood clots the size of baseballs. I was completely naked the entire time. I managed to do it naturally which I can say without a doubt I wouldn't have been able to if it weren't for the support of my husband. If my space was invaded by someone I didn't trust 100%, I wouldn't have been able to do it. I made my own mother leave after visiting hours were over because I needed my space with just my husband. I was embarrassed to have her there while they checked my cervix. LABOR AND DELIVERY IS NOT A SPECTATOR SPORT! I don't understand people's fascination with seeing a baby straight outta the vag. MIL can wait until you bring the baby home from the hospital. The husband is a huge AH. Labor is the most intense thing his wife will ever go through, her comfort should be his biggest priority.

[@soph2799]

Well said and bravo to you for having a natural birth, you’re amazing!!!

[@lilaislovely]

I love how he is literally listing the reasons his mother should not be even remotely near his wife, let alone the delivery room and he doesn't get it. SMH.

[@NaunetBastet]

“…My child as much as hers” - what a tool. Yes it’s your child too, but it’s NOT your birth. I’d not let him be there either if he can’t be respectful of what a big deal child birth is whilst he whines about fairness.

[@Gordana21012008]

I wonder if he will use that argument when he gets from work and his wife asks him to watch the baby so she can take a shower, get some sleep, change the diaper etc...

[@imperviousdonut]

I don't understand people who don't support their partners. What's the point of getting married or getting into a long term relationship if that person isn't going to be your priority. Your mom is a grown woman. She is no longer your #1. If you want to start a family they come first. Treat your partners better.

[@Lovethyself887]

FUCKING THANK YOU!

[@moonbeam0691]

Can you like something more than once 😳😳 tapping this like x100

[@ellielouise9625]

THANKYOU!!!

[@TheLilyMustang]

Your wife can have whoever she wants & is comfortable with not only in the delivery room but at the hospital in general. Delivery is a dangerous process that lots can happen. Whoever the baby is coming out of needs to stay calm during delivery & recovery. I also think any toxic people need to stay away from the home as well. Newborns are stressful enough while your body is recovering. Anyone who judges someone for having an epidural or c-section can go to hell.

[@Kmonkeygoddess]

I think that most people wouldn't ever choose a cs because it's a serous surgery. And if a mom wants pain management such as an ep they should have it. In the case of ops wife, it wouldn't be a choice if it ended in cs because she is high risk already. I feel for her.

[@Vampireangel151617]

@@Kmonkeygoddess While I was pushing I was asking for a csection just trying to focus and make the situation light :)

[@Kmonkeygoddess]

@@Vampireangel151617 I had 2 cs and neither was an easy choice. Both were pressed by drs. 1st one I might not have actually needed(I discovered later), 2nd was life or death for me and baby. I'm glad it's something u could joke and make light about to help you through delivery, but I could never make light of it myself. It is a serious surgery, and not to actually be done/taken lightly.

[@kitty2345]

@@Kmonkeygoddess Glad I made the decision to have an unassisted homebirth. Didn’t want to go through neglect of the doctor and nurses. I’ve heard horror stories. Sorry you went through that it’s very common to be neglected in the care of a doctor. Some are good. Some are just in it for the money.

[@Kmonkeygoddess]

@@kitty2345 we planned unassisted vbac after having that first experience, but my bp was deathly high and I couldn't stay home safely. But my 2nd hospital was out of town and it was a beautiful and peaceful place to have a baby regardless of having to do cs. Investigate ur hospitals would be my advice.

[@AuthorADHay]

The OP sounds tone-deaf. How is he okay with his mother being mean to his wife pregnant or not?

[@S1INS]

THIS!!! Like, it's bad enough that he wants his asshole mom in the delivery room with the person she's been treating like shit, the one GIVING BIRTH, and it's another thing all-together that he even lets his mom treat his wife like that in the first place?

[@b_jean755]

@@S1INS You can tell by the way he talks about it he doesn't even believe his wife!! And he sounds abusive himself!!! Which is probably got from his mother!!!

[@bakuhoe1939]

RED FLAG. I feel so sorry that she has to have a baby with this man. Having a husband who won’t stick up for you regardless of whether it’s family or not is unacceptable in a relationship. Even though this was YEARS ago, my mother said she’ll never forget how her and my grandmother never got along. She too tried to fight her way into the delivery room, and my father apparently did nothing to help and my mom had to fight that battle herself (luckily she did win and my grandmother was not in the room). If OP’s mother is anything like my grandmother, and if OP is anything like my father, I would advice Alice to take her kid and run. After I was born, my grandmother did not stop her psychotic behavior. She kept bitching to my mom, and even kidnapped me for three days without letting my mother see me at all, and my dad refused to call the police since it was his mom. When my sister was born, it was even worse. She tried to make sure that my mothers sisters weren’t in the hospital while she was giving birth (I have no idea why), and she kept talking about how my sister was ‘adorably fair and snowy’ in contrast to me, who was on the darker side since I’m half Malaysian. At one point my mom did run away with both of us because of the disgusting way my grandmother treated her, and the odd entitlement she felt she had towards me and my sister, since of course, my dad insisted on her living with us (may I add that she lived with my mom throughout both pregnancies and this added extra stress on her). OP, unless you want Alice to leave your sorry ass with your kid you better step up, stop being a mommas boy, and start being a better husband. You are right, it is your child as much as it is hers, but it isn’t your delivery. It isn’t your vagina being torn apart, and it isn’t you who will being going through horrible pain in a foreign environment while trying to push out a child. If she is giving birth in a hospital, which again is a foreign environment to her, she should have people who make her feel comfortable and loved during such a stressful procedure, especially when she is going to be left exposed and vulnerable in a room full off random doctors staring at her vagina. From your description, your mother does not make her feel welcome or loved, and I don’t know about you, but if I were going through a pain worse than hell, I wouldn’t want someone I loathe to be there next to me. Hell, even if your mother and Alice got along, if she didn’t want her there then she shouldn’t be there period. OP, you are not the one giving birth here. Suck it up.

[@alexys830]

I was going to comment but I read yours and honestly I couldn't say it better. Bravo 👏👏👏

[@brittany7288]

Huge a$$hole. Sure, it’s also OP’s child but it’s her high-risk pregnancy, labor, and delivery. It’s up to her who is in the delivery room. OP’s toxic mom doesn’t need to be in the freaking delivery room. She can stay in the waiting room until after the birth. There’s already going to be enough medical personnel in the room and OP’s wife doesn’t need more than her dad and OP (although doesn’t sound like they’ll be supportive) during a traumatic medical experience.

[@InevitableSecrets]

If my husband tried to pick this with me I’d simply tell him no, she cannot come, and if he wants to fuss about it he can stay out as well. The hospital is on her side and they will look to her as to who is allowed in.

[@FluffishPuppy]

Me too, I'd just have the nurse hold my hand or smth if my husband was this asshole

[@PenelopePeriwinkle]

She can choose not to have her husband in the room. She can choose who can be in the room. I’m surprised they’re letting more than the partner in the room with COVID. Husband is the AH.

[@iamem6790]

I mean, if her husband has to ask on the internet if he's the a*hole for this and then ARGUE WITH PEOPLE who tell him in the comments, that YES, HE IS! Jeeeez she NEEDS her dad in the delivery room to support her because her husband clearly won't. So I think it's fair that she wants the only supportive family member there.

[@addictedtoprocrastination9986]

Bet he posted this thinking people are gonna tell him he’s not the a**hole. All he wanted was to validate his opinion, and when people didn’t give him that, he got pissed. How pathetic.

[@selkie2373]

How can someone be against an EMERGENCY C-section??? Like dude, it's an emergency aka if they don't get the baby out now then the baby or mom or both could literally die like hello!? She said emergency but OP could have just meant planned c-section, and I don't know much about pregnancies but if I remember correctly c-sections are usually for high-risk pregnancies, multiple babies or emergencies. I don't know/think it's actually a choice, pretty sure it's something that just happens for certain situations. Tbh, I haven't really ever figured out why people, mainly other women, don't like when other people getting an epidural or c-section. I get the whole medication thing (kinda) but they seem to make them sound like a bad mom or less of a woman because they couldn't have a natural vaginal birth. It's very confusing to me tbh.

[@molliee5183]

It’s disgusting & obvious that these people need to feel better than others somehow, so they pick ridiculous things like this to do that… smh get over yourselves! The goal is to get the baby out of there and keep both mom and baby healthy! That’s it! Who gives a shit what hole it’s coming out of??? Bruh

[@sveapearson693]

The human female body is, for some reason, absolutely against being pregnant and giving birth. It's dangerous, more dangerous than for other female animals. Let a woman give birth the way she wants. As I like to say "if it ain't your hooch, your point is moot."

[@LuluBeLulu]

C sections are usually not done unless there is some sort of risk of complication, so I would never even be against a planned c section. I don't see how anyone could be???

[@samim1253]

Is it just me or does it sound like this dude has never defended his wife against his mother?

[@mione134]

He said "allegedly" in terms of his wife saying how his mother reacted to her dropping the plate. He admitted his mom treats his wife wrong. It's clear he's never defended her. And he probably never will.

[@KDawnn]

And it’s not about being there for the birth of your grandchild, it’s about being there for ME the mom giving birth. And it’s clear to me that this grandma wants to be there for the baby not the mom. Period.

[@alienflowergirl]

And it’s not like she is like you can’t be a grandmother later, like she needs to be comfortable while in labor

[@faithsaindon7129]

She literally just wants the bragging rights of saying she was there.

[@mrsanonymous414]

EXACTLY!

[@LittleLadyLillian]

Your mom doesn’t get to treat your wife as a vessel for a grand baby. Also, do you not understand how your wife might be self conscious around your mom and she is going to be very vulnerable

[@mrsanonymous414]

Yeah why do mils do that? Mine constantly amounts my value to grandchild bearing. All the, “I love you because you’re the mother of my future grandchildren” bs. It’s nonsense.

[@ScrewyPrisms]

He's 1000% the AH I would not want him in the room either! She's giving birth, she gets to decide who she wants in the room for support! Especially the obviously very toxic MIL 😏

[@sukhmangill]

I wonder as he’s writing this doesn’t he see what’s wrong…..??? It’s her labor not his 🤦🏽‍♀️. Not only that it’s a high risk pregnancy and he wants to stress her out more smh.

[@Ali-ew4zx]

The fact that the husband is putting his mother’s feelings before his wife’s about having his mom in the delivery room is a serious problem … I wonder if he does this in everyday life it sounds like he does … poor woman now she’s attached to this family forever because of having his child

[@maddisonfarr7424]

The MIL gives me the vibe that she would take the child from the doctors hands before the mother can hold them and degrade the mother if she got upset.

[@KaylaBL822]

So toxic. A birth can be so traumatic even surrounded only by people who fully support you. For me, just having a nurse there that I didn’t like, was one of the worst parts. Can’t imagine. Don’t give in if you’re not fully comfortable. He is not the one trying to birth the child. It doesn’t matter that it is his when it comes to delivery.

[@Kagnasty17]

The wife is the one giving birth. She's exposed, vulnerable and going to be in immense pain. Anyone that makes her uncomfortable has no place in the delivery room. She needs SUPPORT. I'd leave the husband out of the room while I'm at it, since clearly his Mom and her feelings mean more to him than his pregnant wife.

[@joeyp7431]

Its Alice's body, its her choice. This in laws assuming they are going to be in the room when you give birth is fucked up!!! I wouldn't have even thought about my mil being there. Unless the lady giving birth wants it it's a huge NO!! Screw that stand your ground Alice !!!

[@SU-66]

I once was in the delivery room of a patient with her husband and mother(-in-law). She made several comments that the daughter(-in-law) couldn’t just give birth, she was so impatient, you could see her getting frustrated. I felt bad for her.

[@ninimeggie4771]

So let his mom be at the hospital but NOT the delivery room. He is absoluabsolutely the ass for wanting her in the delivery room, especially with everything going on between them. My mil and I have no issues, but I still dont want her in the room when I deliver. My partner and I decided if he needed to step out of the room and call his mom to calm himself down (because seeing me in that much pain will be hard for him and he needs support too) then he can do that whenever he needs to.

[@molliee5183]

Totally agree - I don’t really care what the reasons are, pregnant delivering women decides who is in or not in that room period!! No questions asked lol

[@annaschweitzer6690]

Just because it’s his kid too, he doesn’t automatically get to invite people in the delivery room. Up until the baby is out it is more about the wife, since she is the one in pain, suffering. Maybe it’s selfish but if I were to give birth only the people I would want in there could be in there as far as friends and family goes

[@helloMegs]

His wife is the patient, so she gets to make the decision about her labor. He may believe that he has a say, but his wife can tell the hospital that she doesn’t want her mil there and she won’t be allowed in. He is the AH.

[@AlejandraEnNYC]

Yes!!!!! She is the one willing to give her life for your child . He is the AH

[@InevitableSecrets]

That’s bananas…. It might be his baby but it’s her body, it’s her medical procedure and it’s her private parts out on display. Anyways it doesn’t really matter what he wants because one word to the hospital staff and they will get the mother in law and her whiny son out of that hospital room in a flash if she wants.

[@ChaoticBiRanger]

It's also incredibly messed up how her husband admits that his mom isn't the most fond of his wife, but is so excited about having a grandchild. So you just know future mom is feeling like nothing but an incubator to the monster in law. She doesn't care about what happens to her own daughter in law, she just wants a grandbaby. I would not want someone present in the room who doesn't care about my well being while I'm going through a life risking experience (which a high risk pregnancy IS)

[@emilylauryn9245]

The husband doesn't trust his wife. "Apparently when she was at my parents" says "I don't think this happened but it's what my wife says" I feel so badly for her. My sister gave birth about 6 weeks ago and both sides were upset that they weren't allowed in and weren't allowed over for 1week after but my BIL was 100% on board, even speaking with his mom privately. This marriage seems unhealthy, they need therapy and hopefully the husband gets help.

[@brittanylockwood6085]

So, I’m currently 8 months pregnant, and just went through this same exact thing with my boyfriend. (She’s not a toxic person though). But her and I do not have the relationship that I would EVER feel comfortable with having her in the delivery room with me. Honestly, I don’t even want her or anyone in the hospital waiting room. Just my personal preference, and I have discussed that with my boyfriend. It’s a nerve-wrecking, beautiful, and intimate moment between me, my boyfriend, and our baby. Family can come and see baby after we are home and have adjusted. To be honest, you might be the baby’s dad, but you are not remotely going through what the mother is at that moment. If she is uncomfortable, or her MIL stresses her out, you are potentially putting your wife and baby at risk. Why would you want that? Due to equality? Or your mom’s feelings? Get over yourself. Immature much? If her dad makes her happy and comfortable, then he should be there. Maybe to her, that’s the last link to her mother and she feels like her mother is there when he is. Maybe he has been more supportive than her actual husband. 🤷🏼‍♀️ So many reasons. And if the wife feels like her MIL will judge her for doing what’s right for her and her baby, it’s probably because the MIL has already made comments about it. I sure would not want someone like that around me while giving birth. I’m going to do what’s right for my baby and I when the time comes. If it’s natural, c-section, an epidural. Whatever I feel is best. I’m also glad that Covid is limiting my hospital to only the mom and one support person. Either way though, the answer would be no for any family member on either side. Yes. Husband is the AH. Majorly. Have some compassion and understanding for your wife. Your mom can wait.

[@allisonboyd9346]

Literally this!!

[@mrsanonymous414]

Agreed!! Just between the mom and dad!

[@emilyN1]

Because he’s one of those guys who if his wife died he’d go out and get a replacement wife like it’s no big deal considering he treats this current wife like crap.

[@mattieyoncha6243]

When was this posted? Because if it’s 2021, a lot of hospitals won’t even let visitors in. My friend works in a maternity ward and the ONLY people permitted are the person giving birth and one guest, typically the partner. But in this case I don’t care if it’s petty I’d pick my father, we’re going back to the 50s when the dad would wait outside.

[@megdalynleilani5292]

When op said “why can her dad be there?” Like he didn’t wipe her ass and take care of her her whole life!!!

[@megdalynleilani5292]

Also her dad became mom when she passed. So dad IS there for both him and her late mother. OP is an asshole

[@altinjpn]

In order to actually have a safe and healthy and "normal" birth experience, you can't have toxicity around you. Labour progression relies on oxytocin, which you're brain can't produce when it's in a stressed state.

[@MusicizmahQueenSBed4]

I 100% agree with you two. I was getting ANGRY listening to this guy’s post and just thinking about the whole situation. I feel so upset on behalf of his pregnant partner, and really hope that she has/had a safe birth, and only had people in the room with whom she felt comfortable. ❤️

[@Stacykaykes]

OB nurses have no problems kicking people out of the room that the patient doesn’t want in there. They have no problems being the bad guy. This makes me so thank I have a supportive partner during labor that was only focused on me and baby!

[@ashleytucker7012]

As a delivery nurse, birth is stressful, tiring, painful and extremely intimate. And when something goes wrong, I would hate for a woman to feel pressured to not make the best decision for not only her own health, but also the child’s. That is when unfortunately things go very wrong and it can be hard to recover from that. I completely agree with the mother! If someone is not 100% on board with your birthing plan they should not be in the room period. It causes so much stress and anxiety for the mother which can lead to more problems for her. It is completely okay to be selfish in a time when it comes to your health. I implore the father to see reason and support his wife in her decision, especially after how she’s been degraded by her MIL for choosing what is best for her and her baby. Knowing it is a high risk pregnancy, as clinicians we are on high alert, because it could easily deviate to an emergency. The last thing I want to be doing as a nurse in the room is having to mitigate between two parties when my sole focus is on that mother and child. We have minutes to act to ensure a successful delivery. I would also hate to see someone take away from what should be one of the best days of your life

[@thepuzzleoracle6760]

I told my husband I wanted my mom and not his in the delivery room and he was Initially upset but after some time and my explanation, he accepted it and apologized for his assumption that’s it’s because I don’t like his mom. I absolutely LOVE his mom! But growing up, my mom was very straight forward and rather apathetic. She doesn’t get emotional and keeps a very clear head. She is also very good at keeping her opinions to herself. My MIL is the complete opposite, very invested, very emotional, very quick to throw out suggestions but not in a judgy way. The problem is that, having grown up with how my mom is, I tend to shut down when faced with how my MIL responds to things. She’s not doing anything wrong and it’s something I need to work on, but when delivering a baby, I needed my mom. A rock to anchor me down and not make me more stressed. I’m considering having my MIL be there for the second, since now I have an idea of what to expect. But whatever I choose, I know I have my husband’s support. My mom even admitted he did well during the delivery, and she doesn’t particularly like him. And I know, I don’t make him be around my family much because of this sentiment.

[@noemicp]

Just one thing, the husband wants to put his mother and her wife's father in the same room when her father will listen how that woman insults his daughter and OP expects that to not end up with his mother getting kick out of the delivery room

[@cristinaward19]

Who is the person spread out like a buffet table while giving birth? That is the person who gets to choose who sees her at her most vulnerable!

[@Kmonkeygoddess]

1.23 in and I'm already thinking "stfu, it's high risk so don't cause her more stress and make the birth harder"

[@p-h-a-n-t-o-m]

i just don’t understand why some people can not wrap their head around “it’s her delivery, it’s her decision.” like to him and his mom, they are simply watching the kid be born. but to her, she is going to be experiencing one of the most painful and traumatic thing the body can go through. she going to feel very overwhelmed with emotion and your going to want this experience to be the least stressful that you can possibly make it. it’s pretty fucking understandable to not want someone who you feel judge around to not be in that room. and calling her selfish for wanting her dad to be there but not your mom?? motherfucker she is CARRYING YOUR CHILD!! i mean just thinking of the difference between having your dad there to hold your hand while you deliver you baby vs having your mom there to watch with you just speaks for itself

[@greendiamondglow]

No one except the one giving birth has a say about who is in the room. It's a medical procedure, not a spectator sport.

[@Mleo75]

His wife gets to decide who’s in the room with her. This podcast makes me so thankful for my husband. I’m 20 weeks pregnant now, and he’s all about what makes *me* comfortable during this time and when we’ve talked about the delivery and even visitors afterwards, he agreed that it’s my call for when I’m up to having people to see the baby.

[@jaynemccabe8701]

Also what’s even the point of having them in the delivery room?? To watch her get ripped open and traumatized ?? You aren’t supposed to hold baby until like hours after mom gives birth. It should only be anyone wife needs for encouragement in the delivery room

[@sangeeta]

She’s going through a biological medical process so why does OP think his opinion even matters?? She gets to decide! And especially if the mom body shames her and criticizes her choices. The fact that people like OP are out there bothers me so much lol

[@livewellwitheds6885]

that whole my mom is fine to me thing... does he think abusers usually treat people poorly so openly? its totally normal for abusers to be super nice and charismatic to some people and outright vile to others!

[@jiaaggarwal61]

Yes. A birth is a huge moment for mainly close family and people that both parents are comfortable with. I agree that it may not be fair for her father to be with her, but since it's her delivery, she should be allowed to choose who she wants there for support.

[@maloumasereel966]

💯💯💯 the thought of having someone there who makes me uncomfortable is unbearable!! Jeez it’s such an intimate moment... the husband is lucky he gets to be there

[@jiaaggarwal61]

Exactly! It's so wrong that the husband has the audacity to actually think he has more of a right to have his mother there when he's not the one going into labor. If she's not comfortable with it, then he should accept that fact.

[@candacekilbourne5262]

This guy is going to end up single if he keeps it up, especially after the baby comes. I’ve been in this situation and it took my husband years to realize and push back on toxic behavior. I often see that an outside person helped them realize, so not the wife, but if a whole Reddit group can’t make him see😳

[@deltaloraine]

Stress is bad for childbirth. If he cares about his wife’s safety and his baby’s safety, he’d make sure the environment is as stress free as possible.

[@mirandadavis5023]

I don’t think a lot of husbands realize that the day isn’t about them. It’s about bringing a baby into the world, so making sure the one GIVING BIRTH is as comfortable & stress free as possible is more important that you or your mommies feelings.

[@sveapearson693]

Amen.

[@Gily85]

When I hear about cases like this where the husband tries to impose someone on his wife during childbirth, it makes me very angry. Like, why doesn't he invite her parents to his next prostate exam and colonoscopy? He will surely enjoy it.

[@erinstar]

I swear some of these stories are too much for me to handle. After hearing you read that story I’m sorry but I can’t bear to listen to the rest because it’s SICKENING

[@sangeeta]

Yeah this one makes me so mad lol

[@kristenp1606]

My sister didn't want me or our Mom in the delivery room while she had her son - just her and her husband, and we were 100% cool with that. Whoever gets offended over this is just weird. This is such a personal, painful, and vulnerable time - the woman should 100% have the final say on who will be present for it.

[@disgracedgrace7613]

My man would NEVER

[@kdemarco2010]

The LAST thing a woman needs in the delivery room is an unsupportive woman that already doesn't treat you well. BYE. No thanks. Shame for weight gain? Hey you and mom can stay home together how about that

[@kdemarco2010]

Plus that's the type of mother in law that's gonna try and hold the baby as soon as it's born before mom or dad get to and try and take claim over this kid. Guaranteed. And dad seems to think whatever his mom does is fine which is also a HUGE problem

[@sophie9658]

He let his mum force his pregnant wife to get down on the ground and clean up after accidentally dropping a plate? Wtf kind of a crappy husband is he?!

[@hollygrayson3709]

The more I think of this the madder it makes me. The entitlement this guy is showing is mind blowing. This is her decision to make about her body and should not have to be justified to him. 🤯

[@Blue-mf9gp]

This is a very divorce worthy offense because let’s be realistic this is pregnancy we are talking. If a mom is experiencing excessive stress during birth, she could die, so could the baby. And he already said this is a high risk pregnancy so her chances of surviving would be much more slim. He’s risking the life of his wife and child because he doesn’t want to disappoint his mommy. Pathetic. Throw the whole man away 👋🏾🚮. He has no value for her or their child’s life.

[@rachelrobertson5689]

No grandparent should expect or plan to be in the delivery room.

[@EllaMBV]

The wife who is GIVING BIRTH gets to say who is in the room because SHE is the PATIENT. The husband gets NO say, absolutely zero. He is not a patient, he's a visitor basically

[@crazeekids9744]

He want’s everything to be “fair” he can do half the laboring and delivering. Smh….

[@peacechickification]

Everything that you’ve said, as well as the fact that having her mother in law in the delivery room could be a very stark reminder that her own mother can’t be there as she turns into a mother. Even if she wasn’t toxic she shouldn’t be there if Alice doesn’t want her there, but the husband is probably like this because the mom is toxic. Just, yuck.

[@N_thie05]

if he wants to have his mother there, he should make sure from the start that his wife feels safe around your mother and doesn't let her bullies

[@noon4545]

Would he not ask his mother about, for example, the dish thing and see what she says? Like why not confront the mother instead of being like - I haven’t seen it so my wife might be lying

[@in_99]

“I know that giving birth is scary and stressful and painful but I want my mom there to support me while I’m watching you give birth because it’s going to be so hard for me. I know she hates you and treats you horribly but obviously it’s more important that I get what I want.” That’s all I’m hearing.

[@carmeltabby]

Alot of these stories sound like one of the partners didn't do the whole "leave your mother and father and cleave to your spouse" thing.

[@rocked13]

My ex insisted on his whole family crowding in my room post Section. Never again. I told my partner that it will be him and his mom (mine isn't in the picture) and that is it. No sister, no step dad, no kids. They can visit me a week after we get home. I'm too old for that crap and this will be my 3rd baby. I'm good. Person giving birth has the ultimate say so. End of freaking story.

[@MCheekyBrunette]

He's supposed to be holding HER hand, not getting his hand held by his mommy

[@natealsaggaf5058]

I was wondering at the beginning why she wanted her dad instead of her husband in delivery room, but after listened to the whole story, I no longer wonder about her decision anymore.

[@pascoperspective]

Bruh I just gave birth last week and if I was in that situation and my fiancé pulled some shit like that I’d tell him he’s not allowed in the room either…labor and delivery was the most painful and stressful experience of my life. I’m very happy it was just me and my fiancé the whole time and that I got the epidural cause that pain is like nothin I’ve ever experienced before! (And I’ve broken a lot of bones throughout my life)

[@monicamendez4804]

My thing is why do men feel that they are entitled to ANY sort of opinion of who can be in the delivery room? It's the most intimate, painful and most dangerous day of a woman's life and she should be as stress free as possible. Her MIL represents negative unsafe and unhealthy energy. As a spouse your ONLY priority should be your partners comfort

[@melaniehoran8529]

When your pregnant wife drops a plate….get YOUR non pregnant self down and clean it up!!

[@someonerandom256]

He wasn't there when that happened.

[@augustawright22]

I'm really not understanding how the mother in law could have been planning to be in the room for the whole pregnancy without talking to her daughter in law first. Like she has no say in this and she hasn't been asked to be there how can she be planning anything? Like how?

[@brigettemorrison7051]

I didn’t even give my baby daddy a choice in the matter. I told him who was going to be in the room and that if he didn’t like that, that was his problem

[@ambre899]

Who you think doctors and nurses are going to listen to if she says “that woman doesn’t come to the room” and if he says “no she stays” here is the answer , and husband support your wife and face your mom about it ! Wtf

[@FratBpor10]

I love my mother in law, and even I wouldn't want her in the delivery room - it's a difficult, painful, and scary situation, and you need to have only people that make you feel 100% comfortable, safe, and calm (usually only your partner and parent, and maybe your best friend, NOT in-laws)

[@livewellwitheds6885]

he acknowledged that his mom isn't the best to his wife, but just assumes that its okay for him to make his mom be there just because she is family. his wife chosing a direct supportive family member is NOT the same as her husband chosing somebody who probably won't even help out in the delivery room. YTA. so is your mom. its NOT up to her MIL to invite herself to the delivery room. its not like a fucking show. its a literal medical event.

[@basicscandimom1220]

It mist be really painfull for her to realize that her husband hasn’t got her back. Your spouse should be your closest confidant and support and he is showing her that she can’t count on him. I would be so disappointed.

[@lauriedengel7988]

If I were Alice I'd tell him "When you're having your bits stretched from here to kingdom come you can have your mother in". Does this moron not understand that his wife needs to be in a relaxed and calm environment for her labour and delivery?! Also, as someone from the UK where we're only allowed 2 people in the room, I'm wondering how many people are you guys allowed in the USA?

[@lunicity6047]

Just imagine the Husband’s reaction to their answers and the comments. I completely agree with everyone. This man could even risk the child’s attitude towards anything and anyone if they’re around the MIL. Children copy things so if the child could be treated badly then that behavior can possibly pass down to the child to treat others the same. Sure thats his mother and they’re family but he is making a family with his wife. He needs to actually side with the wife in this considering she’s the one going to give birth to HIS child.

[@kattpendleton8150]

For real though, I love my mom and I also love my mother-in-law but the only person I had in the room when I went into labor with my daughter was her dad, my mom ended up coming in to see me right after i delivered because I had a C-section and she was worried about me, but then literally everyone had to wait until we were put in an actual room to come see the baby

[@andravas]

You should NEVER assume you’re invited into someone’s delivery. You are invited, you don’t act entitled to it no matter who you are!

[@smleach5400]

My dad was in the delivery room with me. He looked to see if he could see the head, but otherwise he paid attention to me. That Op is making it something creepy when a baby’s coming out is insane. Clearly he doesn’t understand healthy familial relationships

[@aimeea5528]

Throw the whole man out! If he can’t see how wrong his wife is being treated by his mother and him then she needs to leave them all! Her baby also doesn’t need those toxic people around, cycle of shitty people needs to end

[@hanahoffman1877]

Yes. Women get to be selfish when they give birth.

[@sunnight8287]

It’s not even selfish request.

[@jaderibeiro7226]

I haven’t even watched the video yet and I’m already going to say yes. The person who gets to decide, is the woman giving birth.

[@jaderibeiro7226]

After listening to the Intro, I stand by it. Why would you want someone in the delivery room who isn’t nice to you, shames you, makes you feel insecure etc? At this rate, let her have her dad and no one else, not even the husband.

[@sveapearson693]

@@jaderibeiro7226 fuck that. I don't even want my parents in the delivery room and I love them to no end. I don't like alot of people around me. It stresses me out. My boyfriend and me. That's it. She had good reason to not her MIL in, but even if it was just "I don't want her in here" it's her choice. I find it funny that the husband recognizes that with her step mom. He says "she's nice and she'll be sad my wife doesn't want her. But I get it. It's her choice." But then literally can't come to the same conclusion about his own mother, who isn't even nice.

[@jaderibeiro7226]

@@sveapearson693 completely agree. End of the day, the person who gets to decide is the woman giving birth. If I was here I wouldn’t even want her husband in there. He can wait out with her mother in law

[@laurao8099]

If the mom wanted to be in the birthng room she should have been nice to her throughout her pregnancy. It is somewhat about the blood and poop and stuff but a lot of it is just knowing you're gonna have someone there to support you the mom has shown 0 interest whatsoever in supporting her. It's not really "we" . To put it harshly if he was dead then she would still be going through the same proccess.