Alain de Botton: Introspection, defence mechanisms, and ghosts | Happy Place Podcast

Breaking patterns of intergenerational trauma could have a profound effect on the state of the modern world. Writer Alain de Botton believes love - or a lack thereof - is at the heart of our personal and societal issues.
In this chat with Fearne, Alain explains why so-called ‘attention seekers’ are precisely the people who need to be wrapped in love and attention. He also talks about why our defence mechanisms usually have real logic behind them, and why we should be curious about other peoples’ odd characteristics rather than getting frustrated by them.
Plus, he answers the simplest and most complex of questions: what actually is a healthy mind?
Alain’s book, A Therapeutic Journey: Lessons From the School of Life is out now.
You can pre-order Fearne’s new book Speak Your Truth here: amzn.to/2HwAkek
Listen to the Happy Place podcast here podfollow.com/happyplace or you can watch it on KZbin here: bit.ly/3pSerHr
ABOUT HAPPY PLACE
Fearne's HAPPY PLACE is a place to celebrate honesty, authenticity and community. Fearne delves into life, love, loss and everything in-between by chatting to inspiring individuals who have made a change in their own lives or help other people to find different ways of seeing life as she reveals what happiness means to them.
Happy Place is a space that is safe for all where difference is celebrated and the extraordinary is discovered. A place to focus on the positives and to help you find the joy every day - big or small.
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ABOUT FEARNE COTTON
Fearne Cotton is an English television and radio presenter, mother, broadcaster, writer and founder of Happy Place, a place where Fearne holds difficult but important conversations to encourage self-care and self-appreciation, creating a positive impact on the world, giving everyone a voice and actively listening.
CONNECT WITH FEARNE COTTON
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Facebook: / fearnecotton
Twitter: / fearnecotton

[@OrdnanceTV]

Alain is so genuine and purely authentic that literally any 'interviewer', as it were, feels performative and fake.

[@ConnieBach]

Alain is the best philosopher in this modern times. ❤❤

[@ElizabethChee-rj7bn]

Very introspective guy. I always enjoy what he has to say. 😊

[@katarzynalindner594]

"There is not enough love"- The very true and spot on statement and the reason of all the suffering in this world.

[@zhuzhong74]

Or there’s too much hurt

[@aimeeegan2623]

I do not think I need to listen to another podcast in my lifetime after this- he has covered everything!!!

[@realbobbyaxel]

thats an understatement

[@najmnozili3012]

Totally agree

[@irisdanagher]

I'm in awe at his intelligence

[@nawwarali3014]

Genius .. the best philosopher in our time .. just can't get bored from listeninng to you.. grateful that I had the chance to discover such a brilliant mind like yours❤

[@TheGinglymus]

Alain de botton, showing that psychoanalysis is not outdated nonsense.

[@thinkingyas4245]

What is there to say other than THANK YOU? 💚

[@stuartc4023]

What a wonderful conversation. Deeply generous and thoughtful dialogue about the human condition. I appreciate the curiosity in how we sometimes respond in the way we do, where it might come from and the commitment to sidestep judgement and fixing with compassion and love.

[@wizzyletsgetbusy6878]

The comment about funerals is completely true my husband died. I was completely devastated but didn't cry. I now know why.

[@skippy7208]

So sorry for your loss 🙏

[@katarzynalindner594]

Talks of dr Gabor Mate with his son are an example of such transgenerational talk. I envy them in a way...I recommend on YT.

[@moralebooster8437]

This was an amazing interview!!! You both seem to be connected and on the same page. And Fearne your questions and balance of your own anecdotes added so much. Thank you! I'll be listening to more of your interviews

[@kinkyplunk]

Fascinating man. I highly recommend reading his books, especially Essays in Love.

[@Songbirdoflove]

Very useful and well conducted. So, thank you.

[@sashacrabb6284]

What a fascinating exploration with Alain . Brilliantly summed up Fearne ❤❤

[@kathleenhargest418]

Really enjoyed this interview - so insightful. Also appreciate how Fearne always gives her guests the time & space to answer questions fully without interrupting them. Makes for easy listening. Thank you 🙏🏻

[@liammoloney7097]

Brilliant

[@dorothydolan3813]

Epic 💜

[@toto-dh9dw]

Quite so Alan quite so...once to experience this and understand then become successful

[@EdieArt77]

Dearest Fearne, i absolutely loved this interview!! Thank you! I am an artist and animator and would LOVE to animate 2 or 3 minutes from this video. I wanted to ask for your permission first :) I'd post it on to my yt channel and send out to my mailing list. The purpose just spreading some of his amazing wisdom. ✨ thank you again for what you do!

[@dmgsoultogetherness6667]

super cute in that jumper...❤

[@akhusal]

I don't think you need to explore the past. You can't change it anyway. The past no longer exists so why worry about something that's not real? Concentrate on now, because that is where life is happening.

[@Leila-ie3ms]

That works well to a point but if you are acting unconsciously in the now you can’t change things and be free to respond to the now without the knowledge and awareness of the past

[@semrana1986]

Alain is such a guy, Aristotle would have referred to... 😂🙏

[@Dominatrix97]

42:41 ‘the terrible fear of being self-indulgent’ is caused by capitalism and neoliberal economic policies. That’s the root of the problem.

[@celebratelife8436]

"Even mass murderer doesn't do it on purpose"... really? I'm surprised about that statement, is that a joke?

[@wizzyletsgetbusy6878]

Context....he said 'if looked at from sufficient distance'.

[@nourali6312]

He said: if you look at it with sufficient distance .

[@celebratelife8436]

How does "Looking at it from sufficient distance'' change the context of the statement? So if looked at from a sufficient distance a mass murderer doesn't do it on purpose? is that what you think? @@wizzyletsgetbusy6878

[@Alnivol666]

It is not for everybody to understand a statement such as this. Some people have really limited intellectual capacity...like yourself.

[@akhusal]

If you were accidentally swapped at birth and grew up in Gaza, you could easily grow up to be a terrorist. Every baby is innocent, until culture and circumstances have their way.

[@alexacarenati]

Please, not another enabler who defends abstract parents making assumptions about their abstract intentions! Poor parents, nobody ever defends them.... Come on baby, grow up.....

[@foop9]

I think I know what you're getting at. I condemn Alain for seeming to be so sure that he's right, while speaking very abstractly and even sometimes subtly contradicting his own narratives..

[@Alnivol666]

This is an one hour podcast. Not sure what your expectations are but it seems like they are very unrealistic. Each case has to be dealt with at an individual level. There is nothing wrong in talking about abstractions in this context because you can't address any individual case. You want that, go see a therapist personally. You want a case study, read case studies.

[@foop9]

On top of watching the school of life for several years, I've seen almost all of his videos where he incorporates these sorts of narratives, as well as videos where he speaks alongside other commentators like esther perel (who I believe to be more credible), and am familiar with his writing. Nothing ive noticed would suggest a deeper comprehension (or interest) of life than what Alain expresses in these breif interviews, and that's the point. He has not enhanced or worked on any of his own theories for the entirety of his career-which speaks volumes. I dont see his work as much more than a brand and even brands evolve with time. The philosophical community will lose nothing when he's gone

[@Alnivol666]

@@foop9 what exactly would be a deeper comprehension of life exactly? You seem to have certain expectations which are quite subjective in nature and somehow you want Alain to cater to them for some reason. Seems like a you problem if I am being honest. Have no idea what you mean to say with Esther Perel is more credible. Credible in what sense? What exact standard are you using when you pass judgement? Where is your research to be found exactly? I think you misunderstand Alain's intent with his work. He is not writing for the academics in philosophy. He is writing for the layman who wishes to have philosophical ideas presented to them in ways that are easy to grasp.

[@markdatheist9179]

The only thing missing in this guys life.... is to shave those few hairs in the side of his head

[@ajaysyangden8254]

What happened to your left eye? I'm worried about you Alan.

[@elizabethk3238]

It's very disrespectful to turn in page corners. It's quite okay to write in your book, but 'dog-edge' pages are not okay

[@skippy7208]

Lol 😂 are you serious? She can do what she pleases with her own property, as can you!!

[@elizabethk3238]

@@skippy7208 my point about respecting a book is obviously beyond your scope...

[@foop9]

@@elizabethk3238 getting use out of anything inevitably ends in a certain level of wear and tear. People are not immoral for using their personal property in a way that suits them. For example, you have every right to make nit-picky comments under a video on the device you paid for, even though no one asked for them ...

[@skippy7208]

@@elizabethk3238 please elaborate 🙏

[@skippy7208]

@@elizabethk3238 it must be! Please elaborate 🙏