The Love Expert: The REAL Reason We’re Lonely, Loveless, Depressed - Alain De Botton, School Of Life

If you enjoy hearing about the philosophy of life, I recommend you check out my conversation with Ryan Holiday, which you can find here: • The Discipline Expert:...
0:00 Intro
02:17 What Mission Are You On?
04:48 Mental Illness & Where It Comes From
08:25 Is Happiness Something We Be Should Chasing?
14:14 How The Modern World Is increasing Suicide Rates
21:04 The Modern World Is Shining A Light On Our Own Wrong Doings
21:07 What Is Romantic Love
26:18 Why People Have Daddy Issues
29:57 How Do We Become Aware Of Our Own Destructive Cycles?
37:56 Conflict Resolution
40:49 True Love & Total Honesty
42:17 Sexless Relationships & How To Navigate Them
46:12 Why Does Sex Matter?
52:26 How Do We Stop Our Partners Getting Bored Of Us?
55:19 Core Habits A Long Last Relationship Needs
01:05:08 Can We Ever Truly Heal From Our Traumas?
01:07:18 The Power Of Distance In A Relationship
01:11:54 Ads
01:12:47 Why Did You Write A Book Called The Therapeutic Journey
01:20:44 What Is Resilience?
01:22:42 What Do You Hope People Will Learn From This Book?
01:25:44 The Last Guest's Question
You can purchase Alain’s most recent book, ‘A Therapeutic Journey: Lessons from the School of Life’, here: amzn.to/4aFi9fd
Get tickets to The Business & Life Speaking Tour: stevenbartlett.com/tour/
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[@TheDiaryOfACEO]

If you enjoyed this episode, could you please hit the like button 👍🏾 it helps us massively. Appreciate you all! 🙏🏽

[@jilly3511]

Great episode.....thank you

[@user-dw1hk4ht9j]

I subscribed to your channel but decided I don't like the company you keep good luck in finding it to grow.

[@marvanbee]

​@@user-dw1hk4ht9j "the company you keep"???

[@user-dw1hk4ht9j]

@rosalee1624 no really who do you think you are? 🤔 you're a joke. I'll try to give you and make this the best channel. However, work on yourself and make you the best and stop judging others.

[@brightlight4469]

Really? I’m shocked! Could you please explain?

[@alexandracrisan4787]

"Love is a skill to be learned, not just an emotion to be felt."💯

[@Arthurilein]

Love is an Action, not an Emotion. What we feel is the desire to be loved, but Love is an Expression.

[@sonodiventataunalbero5576]

As already pointed out by Erich Fromm in around 1960 in his famous book "The Art of loving". Worth reading

[@captainbarbosa6567]

Love is the most highest frequency and our common source energy. Tap into that and life is simple.

[@pushactivate]

Love is definitely not a skill to be learned, LOve existed long before man and will exist long after we are gone.

[@sonodiventataunalbero5576]

@@pushactivate OK. And how do you explain the fact that so many people can't do it? If I do understand your statement correctly, we should all be living happily and in harmony

[@_s_4412]

Please work on giving your videos better titles. He is one of the greatest philosophers of our time...to call him a "love expert" is demeaning.

[@meissasantos3020]

Love is a noble theme, what’s the problem?

[@Janesophie]

Love expert?! More like life expert! 😂

[@notmentioned6999]

Pretty sure they're letting algoritms decide what will attract most viewers it's afterall a business

[@eb8247]

His writing might be really good, as well as his way of explaining emotional and psychological problems or phenomenons in our society. He has a mind that allows him to put complex things in a really clear perspective. But I do not like how he made "the school of life" into a capitalistic movement, with groups in lots of cities that you had to pay a lot to, if you wanted to take part, plus also creating all kind of stationery cheap products to cell in "designer shops" and put the label "school of life" to it, like that's part of the whole philosophy or life style?. Sorry but, he was already really wealthy 💸 from his bestselling books and all the talks he was doing, plus the KZbin channel, that btw was not offering great paid to the illustrators/animators that made all the visuals for each KZbin video. So, If he wanted to help humanity he wouldn't have tried to capitalise on it so strongly 🙄 I'm not trusting that ever.

[@1hatep1ck1ngnames]

I wasn't into so much the capitalism aspect of his endeavours, but it's a fact that his ideas have gained a much wider audience thanks to the platform from being somewhat of a niche interest for many with only his books. If that's what it takes for the spread of good ideas, so be it. I don't think this way is necessarily a bad thing, it's just not my thing, and there's a difference.

[@kathleengardiner7837]

I love this (paraphrased): People always get unwell because of love (not referring to strictly romantic love). All mental unwellness stems from a deficit of love. There is always an experience of an unbearable cruelty in some way that breaks the mind. And when people get well there is always an experience of love that heals. And an act of love saves us/redeems us.

[@catcat9582]

I believe that's why dahmer became so evil

[@emmamckenzie3987]

,

[@kathleengardiner7837]

Why is that?

[@irislind5313]

Yes!

[@aussiesambalover]

That's 100% spot on!

[@vkj1271]

“Love expert” sounds so cheezy 🙄 this man can explain everything related to people, being more of a “life expert”

[@timloughnan4856]

As a therapist myself for 37 years, Alain is so articulate and affirming of the importance of the work. Sometimes I really lose track of that because it is such cloistered work and after many years it just feels normal. I lose track of the amazing privilege of witnessing the vulnerability and courage of people. So many of those I see have helped me grow and inspired me even though they came for help themselves. I think Alain is just brilliant. Thanks for this conversation.

[@AudioPervert1]

what a load of B*S* ... Capitalism is the cause of mental illness and stress across global society. CEO or Soldier or Cop or Crook...End of Story.

[@MetalCooking666]

You don’t think Alain makes poor excuses for bad behaviour?

[@Firuzeh]

@timloughnan4856 Can you do a little pro bono therapy with me? I really need it and can’t afford it.

[@HorseSaddleRider]

People are not getting enough good quality rest. We were not meant to be on high alert - the stress response should be transitory.

[@niles536]

I agree with the part not the whole, and that’s because I partly don’t understand what you mean. Saying we don’t need to be on high alert all time makes sense but it doesn’t at the same time to me. Because every animal has to constantly be aware of any possible danger in their environment so basically being on high alert.

[@alexraww]

80% of all your problems can be solved trough good rest.

[@tonygieve9762]

High alert is referance to flight and fight responses, if you are in constant fear, over losing your job shelter children, via excess work or manipulative people, eventually you burnout. And break downs are harder to navigate.

[@SwedishTourist]

Yet here I am, on my phone.

[@intelligentbodywork]

96% of western society is magnesium deficient, which affects sleep, immensely. WIFI is an electromagnetic field that disrupts our nervous system. The body burns up its magnesium stores trying to deal with it, but it can't. Take a magnesium supplement before bed, turn off your phone and modem, sleep will be the best you've had in years.

[@divinitywithkirsty830]

A good life isn’t a problematic free life, it’s a life in which we’ve found a way to learn from our inevitable pain - what a quote!!

[@renatasuerth]

Alain de Botton is a philosopher and therapist who understands the human psyche more than anyone. I love that he’s an atheist but understands the profound importance of religion. I can listen to him talk all day long! Thank you for this interview!!

[@tobiaskluver]

What exactly is so lovely about being an atheist?

[@polyglotfrog]

Same here!

[@paulthomas281]

@renatasuerth Yes, religion can be important for certain people. But its value overall is limited. What matters far, far, far more is wisdom and philosophy, or in other words the wisdom traditions like Buddhism, Yoga, Tantra, and even the Vedānta. All these traditions can be of immense value for the layperson as well as for the most serious intellectuals.

[@LaceAgeGirl]

Yes! And he's also a poet in his refreshing turn of a phrase. I've listened to this episode several times to enjoy it again!

[@AA-wc3tw]

Religions/cults can cause profound trauma/damage to humans--individuals and societies. It is highly important for parents to NOT indoctrinate their children, to NOT force religion on their children, and to realize that all children have the right to make their own decisions about their own involvement in religion. A good parent allows a child to decide for themselves; a bad parent forces their own chosen religion on their children. Just ask any cult-survivor like myself who has been traumatized/abused by indoctrination and poisoned by deceptive and abusive religious doctrine/practice. To make a monolithic statement like "religion is of profound importance" is both naive AND true, depending on one's viewpoint........In the case of a religion/cult-survivor like myself, "religion is of profound importance" is true in that religion (and religious people) very often model for us who NOT to be and how NOT to act and how NOT to treat others--simply by their own actions. That has been my firsthand experience--I have seen a LOT of horrendous behavior by the very-devout. It has shown me the type of person I do NOT want to be. I am a better human being since having left the religion/cult my parents forced me to partake in. The intention of my comment is to broaden others' horizons and think past the tip of their own nose.

[@LuciaGalvan169308]

Am I the only one shocked at how Alain talks so naturally and sounds just as smooth as in the Voice Over of his animated videos?

[@buckykhumalo2964]

Alain De Botton is one of our modern-day great philosophers. His take on relationships is amazing and reading his work has helped me tremendously!

[@annacelac]

Which book exactly have you read?

[@timjones9962]

Couldn't agree more.

[@buckykhumalo2964]

The Consolations of Philosophy, Essays in Love, The Romantic Movement I think are most relevant to this discussion (based on my reading).

[@pblouison4388]

the architecture of happiness the art of travel how proust can change your life

[@AudioPervert1]

what a load of B*S* ... Capitalism is the cause of mental illness and stress across global society. CEO or Soldier or Cop or Crook...End of Story.

[@TheButtafly]

This interview with Alain feels to me like a warm hug in itself. The desire for understanding from Stephen, a willingness to be vulnerable in his questioning, and the deep insight clearly and gently expressed by Alain… Wow, powerful indeed. Love and appreciate them both! 🙏❤️

[@gracetoni2003]

Absolutely agree👏🏻👏🏻Love the way you put it in words. 😍

[@melshen]

"The graceful acceptance of your miniscule position in the cosmos is the gateway to calm & harmony." - YES YES YES YES YES!

[@sayitasiseeit626]

Kids may not need the 'perfect' parent but they must have one that loves them and shows it so the kids know they are loved.

[@yasminclarke175]

And also arguably how to love

[@saintjabroni]

…breeding clinical narcissistic personality disorder, where not borderline personality disorder, both of which can be verifiably passed over to some degree or another to even grown adults through the abuse people with those personality disorders can and do cause in interpersonal relationships.

[@sayitasiseeit626]

@@yasminclarke175 oh yes, for sure.

[@sayitasiseeit626]

@@m.d9726 we seem to be producing that in ever increasing abundance! Sign of a species producing its own demise?

[@heartandsoulyoga]

as a verry imperfect mother who struggles with loving herself, it does not preclude my loving my son so very much. Thing is, in essence, we ARE love, incarnate and the love that we are cannot help but flow out of our and into another, who is not really "other': that is just the illusion. I read your comment and called my son and told him that I loved him very very much and always, always will. That is all I said... because at heart, this is all I feel

[@ArchitectdaSilva]

Please bring Alain back! Soothing, articulate, inspiring, spiritual and thought provoking. This 'like' 👍🏼 is gilded.

[@jadebayliss9388]

I absolutely love Alain. My mum used to read his books. Accepting we are all flawed- what a relief!

[@LuckyLily]

I love Alain De Botton, The school of life helped me tremendously with my anxiety. Highly recommend his lectures on KZbin . My favourite quote of his “ When I meet someone , I ask how mad are you ? Because we all are mad “

[@bellelacroix5938]

Mad as insane or bad as angry

[@cinuk]

I think he generalised a lot of things like - how mad are you or if the person say they are easy to live with, run away. I’ve been sharing houses with people for 25 years (different houses, cities and countries). I lived around 3-5 years in each house and I always had a great with relationship with them. You learn how to respect each other space, how to be considerate and helpful. I learned that is not worth to be mad about little things - life is too short for that. so I’d say I’m pretty easy to live with. And what am I mad about? Again, it depends. Is he talking about personal life/ the people around us / work or is it about the world? If it’s about the world - yes, a lot of things make me mad such as animal cruelty, injustice, nature destruction by humans and so on, but I have nothing to complain about my life (I have an easy life though - no kids, no family and a lot of freedom to do what I love). If something makes me mad it won’t last long and I will soon forget it. It all depends on how you want to react to a situation. You can see the positive and negative to most situations in your life you want to react to a situation

[@ashinidealwis]

🙏🏾If anyone from the DOAC team is reading this, is it possible to make the YT titles less negatively charged? There is so much wisdom, optimism and hope in so many of your interviews -- and because I gain tremendous value from them, I also want to be sharing them with friends and fam who could also gain value from them too. But sharing a video with an over-the-top negative title that's preying on our vulnerabilities can more often than not come across as insensitive/preachy rather than uplifting/insightful/hopeful, particularly with people who have not yet heard of the channel and are sensitive to the topics that are being discussed (arguably they would gain the most from these episodes and this community). Aside from this I absolutely loved this episode with Alain and his eloquent delivery of life truths - I was resisting the urge to pause and reflect after every sentence 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 Thanks so much!!

[@nuggy9556]

I agree, the titles are a bit extra or a bit much sometimes and when i share videos with other people in my life, I often have to reassure them the real reason/context of the video. Thank you for bringing this up, happy new year. 🎊

[@elsamatos2581]

I absolutely agree with this. I commend you for being so graceful in your comment. It isn’t the first one of this kind I have seen in this podcast. In fairness, I believe they have polished the titles a bit - after some awful ones! -, but I still find that most titles are not in sync with the quality of the content. This issue of the titles and Steven’s obsession with the number of followers keep me from considering it one of my favorite podcasts.

[@Pr3stss]

I agree! Less shock value would be great. :)

[@supermonkeyqwerty]

lmao I'm reminded of an incredible CGPGrey video called "7 Ways to Maximize Misery"

[@jurrezwart6112]

maybe a therapist can help to overcome this wall you are experiencing

[@Sarah-with-an-H]

I was raised to not deal with my emotions by parents who never learned to deal with their emotions. Something tells me this goes back many generations.

[@MelissaR784]

Yep. We weren't taught to control our emotions but to suppress them. Not sure which is worst. Suppressing them to the point of not understanding what you're feeling or what kids are being taught in schools today. To think and react with your emotions.

[@user-pf5xq3lq8i]

Schools today are encouraging the chimp brain, the victim olympics. Our political puppet masters want it this way.

[@Sarah-with-an-H]

I’m nearly 50 so Gen X I’m hoping that helps explain a little. My mom did too much for me while also teaching suppression of feelings because feelings scare her. It’s definitely generational trauma. She was the scapegoat growing up and I’m her scapegoat because all she learned about parenting was from her mom who she didn’t have a good relationship with. . I already broke the cycle but not having a family of my own.@@MelissaR784

[@artandculture5262]

They identify stated pain as one being a victim, when it’s just real and needs to be expressed as we heal and grow.

[@georgegarza9938]

There is much to be said about genetics

[@frocksandscrubsadvanceecoc3533]

Alain De Botton, is truly a unique and gifted being of an intellectual level to be experienced. I admired his work for the past twenty years, and follow his progress on social media. What a gem to the academic realm of learning. I am watching from the Caribbean-Trinidad and Tobago. Bravo!

[@bhineshwartidke4249]

Past 20years!! ?

[@johirsty7392]

I've listened to Alain for years, yet every so often I need to re listen because life gets in the way, he has helped through difficult times, thank you Alain ❤

[@user-ne7tu7wl2b]

This is one of the episodes I've been looking forward to listening to ever since I discovered DOAC. I never thought it would ever happen yet I kept on hoping and here it is. I bless the powers that allowed you to be Steven Bartlett. Thank you so much for all you're doing.

[@magialukhava1921]

Me too. I kept messaging Steven and praying. To have it here finally, am so happy.

[@mvnorsel6354]

AC/DC is also benifical😅.

[@user-ne7tu7wl2b]

@@mvnorsel6354 Yeah. I'm totally thunderstruck by the band.

[@iamminootheadventurer]

Me too! I really looked forward to this wonderful guest😍

[@user-dr1sc6jj5m]

Me too❤

[@user-ge5sr9fs2z]

The graceful acceptance of your miniscule position in the cosmos, is the gateway to calm and harmony~ Alain De Botton

[@MD-iq2hc]

Thank you Steven for allowing your guests to speak freely and seamlessly about their expertise and topics of interests... it's such a relief to listen to a flowing conversation where the interviewer does what he's supposed to do (listening with intent) without constant interruptions and interjections. Thank you Steven. Keep it up. Intelligent questions, fewer interjections and impeccable listening skills. 👏 Bravo.

[@cristinacalin7692]

I could listen to Alain De Botton forever; such valuable teachings expressed in such an eloquent and articulate way

[@zoimanuka]

Alain de Botton's words, to me, are a wonderful mix of a warm heart, a brilliant brain and a humble spirit. It's incredible how he enables intimacy even through this medium. His words are directly reflected in his actions. 💜

[@timr8456]

9:50 is a gem. Immediate calmness 53:21 really good advice on listening 1:07:06 is a great outlook. Stop looking for “the perfect” partner 1:22:21 accept the ups & downs of life

[@AstroViral]

Thank you, didn't have time for the whole interview but these were great keynotes!

[@timr8456]

@@AstroViral awesome to hear! I like to note for myself and if it’s helpful for others, even better! Cheers, keep striving to be a better you 😎

[@MetalCooking666]

My problem with his comment about looking for the “perfect” partner is that perfection is not the issue. Ownership is the issue. His stance conflates the two. Alain’s stance is essentially that you should accept someone who is good *enough* as opposed to someone perfect because no one is perfect, and if you reject a generally good person for being imperfect then you are throwing the baby out with the bathwater. My problem with this “balancing act” analysis is that it works off the assumption that people’s character traits are set in stone and they can’t learn to be better. Why can’t a generally good person who has flaw X learn to fix flaw X? Perhaps he has some profound insight into why this isn’t an option, but if so, then he never sets it out.

[@richardalarcon81]

thank you!! someone can help me finding the lesson one he mentioned at the beginning of the podcast I couldn't find it! thanks! 🙏🏼

[@tooljack4439]

"We love in tracks, laid down for us by our childhood." 😳

[@missapril2520]

Of all the guests you've had on talk about mental health, relationships, and succeeding, this man speaks poignantly, kindly, and humbly more than anyone I've heard you interview. Brilliant man and decent human being.

[@rizzamaeong]

He has a big YT channel too. Is a son of billionaires. Took a different path to life. Read a lot of books. ❤

[@gail3318]

My father was emotionally distant and my mother emotionally abusive (she had issues with her older sister which she took out on me) ... no surprise I married a man who exhibited both these qualities /elements. Divorce. However, over the years I've understood where all these things came in and through patience, prayer and forgiveness, I can see (and understand) my parents' actions (father trying to get his father's attention and praise and a mother who saw her father die when she was 14 y/o and how her sister bring older seemed unaffected). This has helped me enormously. My father has since passed but we became closer and my mother, now in her late eighties, hears me when I speak and we enjoy one another's company. My inner child is now healed and I am a better person for it with self worth. I know I deserve to be treated with respect and as I go into my future, I believe as I value myself more, I will attract the right partner/friends, etc. Thank you for such a great interview. 😊

[@MelissaR784]

Kudos to you for healing your inner child. Both of my parents had tough childhoods and it took me years to realize how dysfunctional we were because of their unresolved trauma. My mom would have full blown panic attacks that we never talked about much less knew there was a name for it.

[@gail3318]

@@MelissaR784 Thanks for your reply . I found it helpful to see my parents through an objective lens rather than a subjective one. It took ages but it did happen ... and I prayed a lot! Xx

[@lisetteem588]

All of my hurts, stem from when I wasn't honest, didn't show who I am. taken my whole life to see, be your authentic self. what mirror do they hold up? ultimately there is no one o blame, some to thank, and to take 100% of the responsibility is the way of ho ponopono.

[@hejira4153]

@@lisetteem588 Yes, Ho'opnopono. Thank you for mentioning that, very relevent to this conversation. xx

[@NS-xt5wv]

18:00 Such an important point! If you have listened to enough interviews with “successful” people, you will hear so much about “hard work” and only a few will admit that it was all luck in the end of the day, because there are so many hardworking and talented people, who never get to the same level of “success”, they never got to be at the right time at a right place. The role of a chance isn’t talked about enough. I love Alain de Botton, he invites a lot of compassion and delicate approach to the modern problems in his observations. One can only sit and agree.

[@drts6955]

But it's hardly "all luck" if you've put in loads of hard work.

[@alenakarpekina4907]

Even with hard work you need an element of luck to be successful.

[@phillystevesteak6982]

​@@drts6955Here's what you're not seeing: the fact that you work hard IS luck. That you have a particular temperament towards hard work was shaped by your environment and upbringing. So yes, it is all luck. That doesn't undermine the nobility of suffering for a cause. But it should be quite humbling

[@drts6955]

@@phillystevesteak6982 Yeah I agree with that. Though I think we usually don't mean luck in that way. It's good to bear in mind. But unless we're getting into a philosophical discussion about whether we have free will at all, we probably want to try foreground people's agency, which I think is very real in a pragmatic sense. After all people are capable of working hard or not, the same person that is, with the same upbringing and environment etc

[@hlezisy7236]

I heard Mark Cuban in an interview with Trevor Noah say that him becoming a billionaire was luck. He said making millions may have been in part due to hard work etc, but the jump to billionaire was luck.

[@YogawithAliBeale]

This is my first experience meeting Alain De Botton. I am eternally grateful to be here to hear his words. There are some episodes that change you in a deep level it's truly a gift.

[@Whoisthatgirl2121]

His content is truly life changing Hope you enjoy the ride getting to know yourself through his work

[@sarayusarayu832]

I agree! His work on the School of Life channel is such a breath of fresh air.

[@nancyleicht5782]

I grew up with a suicidal parent from 6yrs old. She has had many many attenpts in my life. She still does and I'm 50 now. Put herself in a coma and woken up almost a vegetable and sat with her fed her, packed and moved belongings and organised another recovery. My mum and dad's friends messed with me and my sister's. My dad was scared to cuddle any of us because he was a single parent raising four girls. Couldn't understand why we as children weren't loved. Finally talked to my dad at 40 yrs old about the topic and he sobbed and apolgised. My mum, I try to forgive but everything is still about her. Me at 50 working towards recovery from alcohol dependency. Love ain't that grand in some families. I trust a partner and as soon as I feel betrayed, deserted or alone in anyway I am struggling to stay emotionally intimate. I really do try with my own children and probably overcompensate because of my past. I guess at least I am aware of how all past relationships reasonate with the present relationships😢 Still learning and developing my understanding of me and relationships I have with others ❤

[@GokceKalayci]

I love when you ask the explanation of certain terms to your guests -like meritocracy-. For the international audience who are not English native, it is of enormous help and also it helps to simplify the expert concept and bring them to layman’s terms. Thank you for being modest enough to ask those terms to your guests.

[@antoinetteflaccus]

and: what means" meritocracy"?

[@kazzandraambay8230]

This is the most anticipated guest I was excited about. I always loved Philosophy and the power of the mind. As a Filipina nurse working in Singapore, I see the sadness in modern society. Alain's thoughts and works had help me relearn the complexities of human emotions and to show more kindness and empathy to those who needs it. He is really soft spoken, endearing and intelligent. Thank you so much for this! 💙

[@hallihallo008]

Thank you for your work!😊

[@evaevaevaevaevaeva]

I cannot express the value and wisdom Alain has added to my life. I'm so grateful to live in a world where content like this is easily accessible. Thank you Steven and Alain for this incredibly nourishing conversation ❤❤

[@acs2735]

The cadence in Alain’s voice is extremely healing. Such a blessing to us all.

[@letsgrowrightnow]

“Love is not an emotion we should feel, it is a skill we should learn“

[@alla7572]

What a surprise to see Alain as a guest, since he mostly does talks himself and what a good host Steven is. He really knows how to listen, absorb and ask the most genuine questions. A listening pleasure, thank you both, wonderful humans! ❤

[@lisetteem588]

I love steven. especially after the menopause dr. x

[@user-dt8wo9yv2y]

Alain de Botton is in my opinion the greatest modern philosopher. Every time I listen to him my consciousness is expanding. Thank you 🙏

[@shre9]

Alain is my most favourite modern day philosopher. So happy to see him here ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@katsweeterly2039]

Alain de Boton / School of life - such a wonderful voice I have been listening to for years! And now finally on DOAC, what a high note for ending this year with you.

[@angelaspratt8178]

In total agreement … this should be taught in schools.

[@nottycm5010]

You don’t always have the parent you need, but you have the parent you’ve got. If they are trying to do better, they are a good parent.

[@jdu2613]

Alain is such a humbled being. I love listening to him and his polite approach to very tricky topics. He is a great teacher of our times. ❤

[@mauxitorres7421]

What an honor to Have Alain in your Podcast!!!!! I heard him the first time in a TED Talk! He has a brilliant mind!!!

[@duncilfam]

Alain de Botton and the School of Life are better than therapy, for real. His amazing insights are life-changing. Thank you for another enlightening talk!

[@Leelanau03]

Who is this MAN?!?! THIS IS THE MOST BRILLIANT WISDOM IVE HEARD YET. WOW. BRAVO

[@karimkhayata9886]

It's really such a pleasure to watch Alain explain his thoughts. A lot of wisdom has been spoken here. One should 'religiously' rewatch this.

[@Werksonek]

I thought about how lovely it would be if you'd interview Alain and then I saw this one day after the thought 😳

[@sophiakh9590]

I keep watching this over and over. It's so comforting.

[@CAEO416]

Psychotherapy, on the couch, “how does that make you feel “ therapy, along with group therapy, completely changed my life. Had I not looked into my past, I would have been destined to suffer for the rest of my life. I am now thriving, no longer barely surviving. One caveat though. It took years. Tho I have not regretted one minute of it. It has also enriched the lives of those with whom I share this journey with.

[@jessyblackmon9715]

I had to stop the video many times and listen to what I thought about these things, why I thought that way, and how it has played out/ affected my life past present and will effect my future.... great content!! Enjoyed this very much!

[@Siara259]

This is insanely rewarding to hear him explain such abstract subjects so simply. I wish I knew him personally, I feel like just being in the same environment as him would make me 100x wiser lol. I am overwhelmed by the clarity, narrative, logic and everything he is talking about. I wish he could be my mentor, therapist, teacher.. How did he gain so much understanding of the world and life, Damn!

[@ashawango7881]

Same sentiments

[@lico2076]

De Botton is just amazing, he talks with such conviction of someone who has lived many lives.

[@iqraarshad8082]

What a comment!

[@NoorFatima-ec3vo]

i wish i had this guy as a professor in uni. every word he's saying is such a revelation.

[@user-pf5xq3lq8i]

Revelation is a very good word.

[@wyattcoe8825]

The good news is he’s a prolific speaker/writer. I couldn’t agree more.

[@yuweiliu8662]

Love is a skill to be learned, not just an emotion to be felt.

[@candacejones3352]

everyone should watch this episode. love is a skill, not an emotion. that knocked me off my lazyboy. love this guy. cant wait to read his books if he has them.

[@jennytaylor3324]

Alain is delightful. For me he simply has a life-affirming presence. He reminds me of those teachers from my childhood who were the most inspiring, and at once comforting.

[@esther73636]

23:07 - We tend to believe nowadays that love is an emotion that we should feel, never a skill that we should learn. 💯

[@CrazyRains]

As long as we are unaware of the stories we are grown up with , we will enact them in our adult Life. 🙌

[@shankaracobberman7794]

Brilliant.... all amazing advice! Why can't we learn this at an early age ? The only way to 'save' humanity is through emotional stability and communication. Thank you for the amazing work. I'd love you to have a couple of plants in the studio😂 a bit of greenery goes a long way. Big hugs! Have you thought of trying to get Jim Carey on the diary?

[@ksarai4823]

Oooo Jim would be GREAT!!! I think he’d love it too. We’d all love it 💛

[@mommamia9948]

Yes. Jim Carey!!!

[@adenshirega6478]

Yes. Jim Carey by Steven would be marvelous.

[@DW-zg2oy]

Jim Carrey! Two Rs. 😅 But a great idea! 🙌

[@TheDiaryOfACEO]

You're so welcome! Thanks for your feedback, we will see what we can do 😊 Team DOAC 🙏🙏

[@debbiemoore2747]

What he says about thanking your younger self resonates. I thanked my brain for derealisation for years to help me deal with the crushing reality of abandonment. I am healed now but I'm grateful.

[@wyattcoe8825]

Yes!! We love Alain! Edit - Thrilled to see these two wonderful communities (DOAC and The School of Life) coming together. Great questions from Stephen, as always. All you have to do is hand Alain a mic; his eloquence and sensitivity to the human condition are irresistible. Ready for part 2. 👏

[@SoweluSoundz]

"...they did not show signs that they would make me suffer, the way I need to suffer to make me feel that I'm in love..." OMG 🤯🤯🤯💣💣🙏🙏 This statement hit hard!! The truth in this is very eye opening. Thank u!!!

[@hylabeauty4708]

I met my husband of 31 years, at high school, love at first sight. our eyes met and it was it!

[@destinedtodevinespiritualc119]

As an artist who has a lot of hobbies I do find a lot of people who find watching TV and going to the pub very boring, a lot of conversation is about drama, problems and other people, a lot of couples I've spoken to feel that because they don't agree on things that their relationship is over, there is no tolerance in being allowed to have a difference in opinion and I do believe it is this stupid rhetoric from tv/social media drama and current influence from general media if people had hobbies and interests away from others they not only develop themselves but have more to offer society, we are all overloading our minds with other people it's a mass codependency on others for value, people being lonely even when surrounded because nothing is interesting within so seek from other a way to fill the void, learning to invest in yourself and do something that puts that spark into your eyes is attractive

[@tiffanygayle4537]

This man is a genius❤

[@user-pf5xq3lq8i]

People have options now, so they are less patient with an annoying partner. Its not good or bad it just is.

[@artandculture5262]

There’s also categorization by various checks in boxes that substitutes for wider appraisal of who the matches are. Objectified persons. - Non-tv viewer, too. Artist too. It’s boring to be with media defined persons. Impossible.

[@AnnikaJensby]

I'm sorry honey, but please learn to use a period once in a while. Break up your sentences!

[@destinedtodevinespiritualc119]

@@user-pf5xq3lq8i it appears there are many options but is that really true? Or is it chasing that first rush constantly to again a distract again from a life of no substance, it's easy to get laid now compared to even 20 years ago it's like sex has become a hobby rather than a connection, it used to be looked down on now it's not, I'm not against fun sex but I'm against the way it's being used as just something to do when the consequence can be great for both parties

[@teardrop720]

Thank you!!! This was one of the best interviews on your podcast, Steven. Alain de Botton is such a wise, caring, intelligent, funny, and empathetic person. Always a treat to hear him speak.

[@JadesFitnessBucketList]

In the 20 or so years I have followed Alain De Botton there has only been a limited amount of interviews of him shared on KZbin (aprt form the School of life vids)...I shall be savouring this one. The ways he voices his thoughts and the way he speaks is like liquid gold, almost as if he's reading from a book.

[@cristinacamero3733]

Alan is an amazing speaker, I can't have enough of his talks. I learn so much, I have increased my awareness every time I have the chance to hear him.

[@zoimanuka]

I'm so happy to see more and more of my favorite authors here... Alain de Botton, Esther Perell, Jordan Peterson... I would find it incredibly exciting to see an episode with Dr Eben Alexander about near-death experiences from the perspective of a neuroscientist who has experienced it himself. Thanks for your great work team!

[@nextinstitute7824]

You are placing Jordan Peterson on the same level as Alain the Botton 😱

[@AgynessDior]

This is a dream come true to have Alain from the school of life on your podcast! Having been a long time fan of his work and philosophies, I’m so excited for this episode! Thank you Steven!

[@tippieyanez8289]

I'm so happy you have Alain as a guest His videos helped me immensely in the early stages of my healing journey. Just bought his book and now I will continue to learn from him.

[@Ramblingpenguin1]

What a brilliant episode, Alain has a great intellect but has such an elegant style which puts these complex ideas into easy language with such compassion and kindness. one of my favourite episodes.

[@marvanbee]

Alain de Botton!! Yes!!!!!! Years ago I attended a School of Life conference/workshop in San Fran - it was incredible to meet Alain in person and chat, play games and share food with people all on our own journeys of developing emotional intelligence. Prior to that I'd been watching TSoL videos for many years - I love their lessons on authors, architecture, philosophy and love. Highly recommend for, well, everyone. :) So happy you had him on, Steven & team!! xo

[@sandramcinnesscott2931]

How wonderful to hear this interview. As a retired therapist I needed to hear all this again at a difficult time in my life. Thank you so much...works in progress.

[@cherrykindstedt7051]

Thank you sooo much for having Alain on your amazing podcast , and thank you so much for letting him speak as much as he wanted! I never tire of listening to Alain's ponderings and thoughts!

[@popatatina]

I love it how the guest detoured the question about sex and moved on to something completely different.

[@aristocraticsomali5522]

Steven please keep up the great work. You have no idea of the goodness you are doing in this world. Your humanity is by far your greatest achievement in life. Can we please have more guests like Alain and Ester on your show! I find them to be mentally soothing! like the cooling balm of a parent's hand on that of a child.

[@lavender9038]

OMG so good to see Alain back! Thanks for bringing him, always a joy to listen to.

[@pavlopetrychenko41]

I got totally addicted to this channel. This interview obviously blown my mind like all other, but this one is also healing it in the most kind and intelligent way. I also feel very close the idea that we need to listen to important things multiple times to understand it better. Will listen to this podcast for a week. There are so much to hear, understand, accept and share!

[@MandyJRoss]

We are all just little girls and boys walking around trying to adult. I feel like our parents do the best they can given where they are at on their journey. Our parents are victims of victims and can only teach from the capacity that they know. Compassion and forgiveness will free you. You have every right to protect and preserve your energy by taking as long as and whatever you need to feel better. Everyone's healing path contains a different length, space and process. Praying for you to feel at peace this holiday season and beyond.💗🙏🏼

[@vincentcaudo-engelmann9057]

Thank you.

[@angeladennison412]

Really enjoyed this interview. The biggest message that I got from this interview was an understanding as to why my marriage didn’t work as to the work that I didn’t put in everything you said about him at the end was spot-on. What a warm understanding character he was, and you knew That maybe things that he was talking about were experience of his own life, he listened to people that he’s come across and given us what he’s learned. Amazing interview. Thank you, Steve

[@user-ku7gg7uo7d]

I’m an avid listener but today’s episode - wow! So many nuggets of wisdom that feel so pertinent to me and so I know will do to so many others. Thank you 🙏🏽

[@samSam-vn8kc]

I'm always impressed by how well he articulates himself and draws you into the discourse. truly appreciate listening to him and am thrilled that you invited him. Hope to see more of these sorts of guests on the show in the future.

[@sistalondon8017]

If the term “Make it make sense” was a person it’s Alain’s eloquent soothing therapeutic compassionate words, and The School of Life’s contribution, which is much needed clarity on modern madness. Give thanks, great interview.

[@michaelroberts1959]

The thing that helps me. I view everything as temporary. Then, there is a need to have fun.

[@user-fu4zj2rw8o]

Listening them talk to about suicide, as the wife of someone who did it, it just really shines a light on the darkness.

[@Megan_PSS]

The segment on romanticism is fantastic. I think this is why I’ve always liked the ‘enemies to lovers’ trope in books…seems so much “healthier” (using that term lightly in some novels lol) to have two people see all the flaws, work through anger and fighting, to eventually find good communication and acceptance which becomes love, rather than the Romeo and Juliet romantic relationship that seems based in magic silence.

[@zhytch]

Incredible conversation the world needs to hear. This message of humanity is powerful, and integral to all of our lives, yet so easily missed in the intensity and noise of the modern world. Thankyou.

[@pat4733]

Who is this guy?😮 wow i have never heard anyone make this kind of sense in my life. ❤ Thanks for this podcast and I just subscribed. Wonderful work 🎉

[@pandai89]

Earlier this year I listed Alain De Botton to be on your guest list. Thank you for making it happen just a few days before 2023 ends. ❤😊

[@user-pf5xq3lq8i]

Who else us on your list?

[@daelus87]

Probably one of the best podcasts framing the importance of self-healing. Impactful perspectives articulated in a very related manner. Highly encouraged

[@uninadia.]

This was truly an amazing episode. It’s rare that such depth of knowledge is given with such kindness and compassion, in the gentle form that meant to encourage, to inspire and to heal.

[@nufe]

I love this guy. He makes the most sense. We need people like this to heal the world.

[@fionamacleod30]

Wonderful wonderful wonderful. I LOVE Alain! I could listen to him all day. And Steven is also wonderful. Asking just the right questions at just the right moment. Two legends👌

[@thusharividanagamachchi9779]

Thank you for having Alain De Botton on here. I love listening to him talk and the wisdom he shares is extraordinary.

[@marilync417]

I am so happy, i have subscribed to his channel for years! I can literally listen to him all day every day. Hes so amazing and has helped me grow so much and i am still growing after listening to this

[@suzannenoel7150]

Thank you for having Alain on your podcast, I ve been listening to him for years and think his work is amazing. A great podcast.

[@user-fu4zj2rw8o]

I love this man. I'd marry him if he wasn't already taken. I have been listening to him for years at this point and it makes me happy to see him getting more mainstream. He's like a compassionate version of Peterson and very knowledgeable in Philosophy as well.

[@CiprianDinu90]

Glad to see him here after I've listened to him for so long! Thank you so much for this , Steven! 🙏