Toxic Self-Talk: What It Is & How to Stop It | Belle Episode 1

[@lesleyrussell825]

Wow wish I'd had therapy with you 30 or so years ago! What Belle is saying and feeling resonates so much with me. A bit of comfort I got from this is I'm still here and haven't stopped trying to fight that inner critic! But it's still winning.

[@AlexHowardTherapy]

Glad you found helpful, keep working at it 👍

[@whoami1654]

​@@AlexHowardTherapyI want to have therapy with you but I'm unable to afford it right now and I'm also finding it difficult to make progress due to undiagnosed ADHD..I keep getting fobbed of by the NHS..I have been telling them for 3 year's I'm finding it impossible to implement the tools due to concentration and focus issues

[@EvgeniiaDolinenko]

​@@whoami1654talking about ADHD, I strongly recommend you check your diet. My brain fog went away when I started eating carnivore diet. It heals brain fog. Just try it for a month and see if it's better.

[@upendasana7857]

Really really appreciate these open therapy sessions,I hope the participants realise how hlpful this is and how brave they are at allowing them to be filmed on camera. It is also great to see a therapist who works well by setting some outcomes to assess where the participant would like to be in 8 weeks and a therapist who is more proactive in asking questions and giving feedback.Far too much therpay can feel nebulous and without any clear goals and a therapist can be passive and non communicative at worst.

[@AlexHowardTherapy]

Thanks for your kind words, I'm so pleased you found it helpful 🙂

[@victoryamartin9773]

My inner critic has always told me I am mentally ill, therefore, I am defective. Having learned about cPTSD, I've realized what I've termed my "mental illness" is simply depression from childhood trauma and a lack of social skills due to being Autistic. I was told as a child that I was mentally ill for attempting to protect my boundaries from my father's sexual improprieties. Being a Narcissist, my father could not accept my feelings, which opposed his needs, so he would exile me for crying. Rejected, I learned to carry my hurts alone through life. Now elderly, I live in emotional isolation with no true friends and no support. I struggle with intense loneliness and fear of losing my abilities to take care of myself alone.

[@user-tg1iz2lh6b]

Sending some love to you ❤

[@victoryamartin9773]

@@user-tg1iz2lh6b Thank you! I needed that. 💕

[@robst247]

By posting the essence of your painful past and present experience here, you show your honesty and your daring to open up to others about your suffering, your vulnerable emotions and your needs. There are people within reach of you with whom you can talk about all this, who will hear you without judgment, accept you unconditionally as you are, and empathise with you. Please take steps to find and connect with such people, to break out of your isolation. You deserve it. You've suffered enough -- way too much. It takes courage to step out. You have the courage you need. Do it for yourself and for them. Some people out there want to be with you, want friendship with you, have tender loving care to give you. Step out -- one step at a time!

[@valariogulah]

The most relatable part is when belle said ,im always picking up on what other people say i should be. That is exactly me. Thank you alex for putting this up.

[@donnajohnson8035]

Well done Belle for making yourself vulnerable and being honest and brave! Deep down, I don’t think you truly believe your inner critic, because you’re here, seeking help. Hold onto that. Belle, you are beautiful and you’re a graphic designer and that’s not an easy career to get into! Be proud of the woman you are and are becoming.

[@AlexHowardTherapy]

Thanks for your kind words… I agree 😊

[@donnajohnson8035]

I tried to make myself fit what my parents were expecting of me, and I became so ill. They totally took advantage. No more! I refuse to be anyone other than myself. It’s tough and I feel I’ll have to be conscious of my actions etc for life, but, I’m so grateful that I managed to stop their poison seeping into me!

[@AlexHowardTherapy]

Well done for seeing what you need to do and acting up on it :-)

[@donnajohnson8035]

Thank you Alex! I appreciate your reply.

[@chazsmith3866]

I've noticed the uncanny ability some people have to voice what my inner critic is saying. It's like they have listened to my internal dialogue! These people have no psychological training! Thankfully I do not spend time with these people anymore and I recognise that they have their own inner dialogue going on.

[@AlexHowardTherapy]

@@chazsmith3866and also make sure their words don’t give more power to your inner critic 💪

[@Jayy_Pea]

Belle, you're so brave. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. And thanks as always Alex!

[@AlexHowardTherapy]

She is super brave ❤

[@Vxruxxss]

My inner critic has broken me and ruined the relationships. It’s exhausting

[@heidisaglund3443]

Belle is truly lovely❤

[@nilyvanily736]

this is invaluable, the information and therapy you get from this teaching for free! Thank you Alex.

[@AlexHowardTherapy]

You are very welcome, I’m so glad it’s helpful 😎

[@misst2474]

Thanks Belle, for your frankness. Also, thanks Alex, for "It's Not your Fault" - just finished reading it and about to start working through some of the ideas.

[@AlexHowardTherapy]

You are most welcome, I’m glad the book is helpful 😎

[@silverlining1379]

These sessions/YT videos are really amazing! I’ve learned a lot from them- and very much relate to a lot of what the clients have gone through. There is really a lot of value to watching the therapy process for other people- getting a “birds-eye” view of the process. I really give a lot of credit to these people who are willing to put their most personal experiences and feelings out there for the world to see. Thank you to all of you!

[@AlexHowardTherapy]

So pleased to hear you are finding helpful ❤

[@banandababa]

I've been really looking forward to this. I hope you have more of these with women in their late 20s/early 30s. Thank you Belle for being brave enough to share your story 💖

[@AlexHowardTherapy]

Thanks for watching!

[@jenniferkuperman2589]

Thank you Alex Howard, thank you Belle for your courage.

[@AlexHowardTherapy]

Thanks for watching and commenting ❤

[@jennifermckenzie1006]

Belle, you are amazing! Great self awareness, good luck on your journey. Alex, brilliant as always. Thank you

[@AlexHowardTherapy]

Thank you :-)

[@isittrue9365]

My experience has been reviewing some of the "one-liners" I heard as a child and uncovering the beliefs I took on about myself as a result. i.e., children should be seen and not heard - this one I learned created the beliefs that I must show up as invisible, I'm unimportant, I don't matter. Once I identified those beliefs I began to see how they'd been unconsciously running my life. Shortly afterwards I learned to question whether those beliefs were true. I learned they weren't nor had they ever been true. Bella, as you pointed out, has good self awareness of her own self defeating thoughts. Now if she can learn that none of those are true. Train herself to let go of looking for approval, love, acceptance, appreciation outside of herself and start giving those to herself, with your help she'll become regulated again and have a happy life ahead of her.

[@AlexHowardTherapy]

Sounds like you’re doing some good work 😎

[@Joshualuv13]

Thankyou Dr Alex..this information and education on these subjects are invaluable. Thank you to your clients for being vulnerable and brave ❤

[@AlexHowardTherapy]

You are welcome, glad you found it helpful 🙂

[@hollysquires5185]

Same same Belle 🙌 Excited to learn how to change!

[@AlexHowardTherapy]

Episodes coming weekly 👍

[@ioanacristinabratescumusca7412]

I felt such a relief hearing this yesterday when I was trying to force myself to watch to the end, although I was feeling too tired... And, even so, my inner critic tends to appear saying that I am not prepared enough to watch so that I could really learn in a compassionate way. Thank you for this work. I felt like commenting on this.

[@AlexHowardTherapy]

@@ioanacristinabratescumusca7412 I'm so pleased to hear you found it helpful. You don't need to be prepared at all to watch, just let land what lands :-)

[@RenskevdWaal]

​@@AlexHowardTherapy...so not binchewatching in 1 go for an awenser, (to avoid the feelings Im currently feeling)? Dammit! ;) Half way in, looks really promising thank you for this.

[@senoritaaurora5123]

I relate to this so much. Thanks for sharing.

[@TBr-c7d]

So both parents who raised me were toxic, my mother was a covert cluster B and my father overt. I was my mother's golden child which made me my father's scapegoat by default. This was true so long as I was totally obedient and submissive to my mother. I was considered, the golden good boy so long as I obeyed my mom. What I didn't realize was that in being obedient to her I was also being toxic. Therefore, I had to abandon and deny my true self in order to continue to exist in that toxic environment. As for the self talk, it's chaotic and I understand why now I want to get out from under it. I learned to exist in that environment for 5 decades. It's hard enough for those who have had a least some degree of self awareness, mine was almost non-existent. Fortunately that's changing now but I know this is exactly the type of work I need to do on myself. Thank you for posting this publicly, this takes a lot of courage. Blessings

[@AlexHowardTherapy]

Glad to hear you are finding your way to healing ❤

[@HHHarmony777]

I'm still where Belle is and i'm 66 and have given up trying to be me ...

[@AlexHowardTherapy]

Follow her story and you’ll see there is always a way out 👍

[@JoanneForget]

There is hope even in the absence of seen evidence.

[@annakay7295]

This is so enlightening, is this series with Belle weekly on Y T?

[@AlexHowardTherapy]

Yes, weekly on Tuesdays 😊

[@natgreen5903]

Thank you som much

[@Shebrighteeh]

She’s very good at articulating her feelings. At 35….I’m struggling.

[@debrinadyah9315]

How can I get the book?

[@AlexHowardTherapy]

It's on Amazon and all the usual places :-)

[@banandababa]

One thing I'm confused about is, what if your inner critic is truly rooted in truth? For example, if you are lazy, rude, selfish, unemployed, grumpy, isolated, friendless etc,

[@AlexHowardTherapy]

Then being cruel to yourself about it still doesn't help, in fact it typically leaves you feeling even less resourceful to change!

[@banandababa]

@@AlexHowardTherapy Thank you for this reminder

[@isittrue9365]

Who is defining that a person is lazy, rude, selfish, etc.? Is it the voice in the head of another person who may have put those labels on the person? What if lazy really means taking time off for yourself? What if rude means expressing yourself in a way that feels right for you? What if selfish simply means self-care - putting oneself first for a change? etc., etc., etc.

[@BarneyR2]

Me to

[@bodymindsoul60]

Love your content! New subscriber 😊

[@roses123ize]

What's the point of only publishing 3 or 4 episodes, I was really intrigued by her story. Like therapy for most people out of reach 😢

[@AlexHowardTherapy]

Episodes are released weekly, the series continues every Tuesday for the full 8 episodes

[@jenharvey3715]

@AlexHowardTherapy I want/need this style of therapy

[@jenharvey3715]

@AlexHowardTherapy I want/need this style of therapy