Breaking Dawn Broke My Brain | Twilight Book BREAKDOWN

[@AlizeeYeezy]

Get a 14-day free trial with my sponsor aura and see where your personal information has been leaked online: Aura.com/alizee TIMESTAMPS 0:00 - Intro 4:00 - Chapter 1 - Engaged 12:18 - Chapter 2 - Long Night 16:43 - Chapter 3 - Big Day 22:28 - Chapter 4 - Gesture 31:39 - Chapter 5 - Isle Esme 39:14 - Chapter 6 - Distractions 43:45 - Chapter 7 - Unexpected 53:46 - Chapter 8 - Waiting For The Damn Fight To Start Already 1:03:40 - Chapter 9 - Sure As Hell Didn’t See That One Coming 1:11:00 - Chapter 10 - Why Didn’t I Just Walk Away? Oh Right, Because I’m An Idiot 1:21:45 - Chapter 11 - The Two Things At The Very Top Of My Things-I-Never-Want-To-Do List 1:25:28 - Chapter 12 - Some People Just Don’t Grasp The Concept Of ‘Unwelcome’ 1:31:08 - Chapter 13 - Good Thing I’ve Got A Strong Stomach 1:35:23 - Chapter 14 - You Know Things Are Bad When You Feel Guilty For Being Rude to Vampires 1:39:44 - Chapter 15 - Tick Tock Tick Tock Tick Tock 1:45:20 - Chapter 16 - Too-Much-Information Alert 1:51:36 - Chapter 17 - What Do I Look Like? The Wizard Of Oz? You Need A Brain? You Need A Heart? Go Ahead. Take Mine. Take Everything I Have 2:02:00 - Chapter 18 - There Are No Words For This 2:13:35 - Chapter 19 - Burning 2:25:37 - Chapter 20 - New 2:35:16 - Chapter 21 - First Hunt 2:40:20 - Chapter 22 - Promise 2:47:43 - Chapter 23 - Memories 2:58:06 - Chapter 24 - Surprise 3:07:05 - Chapter 25 - Favour 3:16:18 - Chapter 26 - Shiny 3:18:38 - Chapter 27 - Travel Plans 3:22:59 - Chapter 28 - The Future 3:25:02 - Chapter 29 - Defection 3:32:26 - Chapter 30 - Irresistible 3:39:06 - Chapter 31 - Talented 3:42:13 - Chapter 32 - Company 3:48:52 - Chapter 33 - Forgery 3:51:33 - Chapter 34 - Declared 3:53:30 - Chapter 35 - Deadline 3:56:25 - Chapter 36 - Bloodlust 4:01:00 - Chapter 37 - Contrivances 4:06:10 - Chapter 38 - Power 4:10:39 - Chapter 39 - The Happily Ever After 4:15:05 - Final Thoughts

[@kadijasummaya3885]

I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS FOR SO LONG🥲😁

[@hiropon2985]

gilmore girls content sounds delicious, please do serve

[@hiropon2985]

also ngl I deeply enjoyed The Host by Mayo, I LOVED the concept but it was executed as well as the twilight series was (in so many words). if you do want a break from the valid and based gilmore girls content The Host is right down your alley (like literally please do it, the main character(s) are so reminiscent of smeyer/bella you will have a riot but also want to stop it all quickly and leave this plane. good luck god speed queen)

[@samlerf]

Please do Midnight sun, please ;)

[@kadijasummaya3885]

@@samlerf I second that request

[@ccrepaldi4740]

Jacob's pipeline from childhood friend to platonic crush to asshole scorned lover to SON IN LAW is truly something else

[@bricy6437]

when you have a crush on your childhood bestie then abuse her then claim her baby as your own before she even meets it.. just Jake tings!!

[@maximillian1109]

It is truly one of a kind. Don't think we will ever see it happen again. I hope...

[@bluehypothermicreality6759]

Don’t forget co-parent and or nanny before son and law 😂

[@anjad.3656]

Plus zero consistency in the character, every book he seems to be a completely different person. Almost as if the writing wasn't all that good

[@zefiris7160]

@anjad.3656 the writing is absolutely terrible for Jacob. From what I recall, he was never intended to be a love interest for Bella and wasn't really supposed to be involved much past imprinting on demon baby. I believe he got more involved in the plot because the editor wanted him to be more fleshed out as a possible love interest and pushed hard for it, which contributed to his lack of consistency. It's really unfortunate, because he could have just been a great best friend, but no. We just HAD to have a love triangle. 😒

[@saniwa655]

I'd prefer to read a decently written story about Leah, the female werewolf mistreated by her own pack.

[@wasnlos2676]

Same

[@Nathi98]

About the undress thing: It's one thing being aware your pack kind of lusts over you, but having to hear what they think when they do sounds so awful!

[@emstink]

Where fanfiction sometimes triumphs

[@leahscontemporary]

​@Rach no

[@tophers3756]

@@leahscontemporary why not? Would be a nice antidote to S'Meyer's nonsense.

[@2devious724]

"I never got over the shock of how perfect his body was--white..." I'm deceased

[@marlyd]

Deceased, which makes you whiter... Meyer would be pleased

[@thephantomthieves7264]

So is Edward

[@TenderNoodle]

Or another favourite “this beautiful PALE child”

[@SaudadeCB]

What the heck is this supposed to mean? Only nazis find white skin beautiful???

[@jennycomelately]

Who’s gonna write the fic where Charlie thought the parasite theory was the truth. He believes his daughter has been forced to host the parasite and is now dead, and that Jacob has been mind controlled by the demon spawn, he becomes: Charlie Swan Vampire Hunter.

[@braelinnbjerklie2144]

My roommate and I played a game of script doctor as we watched the movies when they were on Netflix. Our idea was that Renee gets killed or something, Bella moves in with her dad who is strangely always banged up for being a cop, gets clued in and joins his vampire hunting for revenge sake. She tries to get on Edward's good side so she can find out the best way to kill them. Ends up realizing the Cullens aren't that bad and has to come to grips with her own biases. Let her be a generally stronger character. She could still have doubt and all that crap but let it be for a cooler reason then "Edward doesn't even like me 😢" I'll have to find our notes because they are pretty extensive as far as what we thought would make a better movie.

[@lookitskatiex]

Didn’t Stephanie Meyer write a book about this parasite possessing a woman? Maybe it’s a theory lol

[@emstink]

@@lookitskatiex Yeessss, Host!! If you've ever doubted whether Stephenie Meyer writes self-insert books - the main female protagonist of that story is literally called 'Melanie Stryder' which is about one shot of vodka away from Meyers name

[@royce6485]

Jacob’s obsession with Resesme and isolating Bella from her baby legitimately upset me. I used to think these books were just bad. Now I think they actively caused harm

[@zefiris7160]

It isn't obsession. It is a magical compulsion that has been forced on him against his will.

[@Chinchilla2310]

@@zefiris7160 sarcasm or delusion?

[@zefiris7160]

@Jake W actual canon in the books. 👍🏻 wolves who have imprinted are described as not being able to deny the object of their imprinting in any way the imprintee desires. Their own feelings are overridden by the imprint bond, and as is shown with Jacob's complete personality change (and the sam/leah/emily situation) , they are most certainly not themselves anymore. I am not saying that I like Jacob imprinting on the demon baby or imprinting in general with how it is portrayed in the books. But pretending that Jacob has any autonomy after imprinting is canonically false, seeing as how he is literally unable to choose to not be around her. It's a disgusting mechanic, tbh. EDIT: Also, with your comment revealing your lack of understanding of the source material, I understand why anyone who is mainly watched the movies would be confused about it.

[@Chinchilla2310]

@@zefiris7160 I know the reasoning behind it in the lore. I’ve read the series when I was younger. It was still a gross thing for SM to write and extremely problematic. Regardless of the canon reasoning, it still feels all too similar to the fledgling stages of child grooming.

[@zefiris7160]

@Jake W oh, it is absolutely horrifying. I completely agree. My initial comment was in regards to Jacob having any kind of choice as a character in the situation. He literally does not have the ability in the lore of the books to not be constantly under foot. If little Rasputin wants him to be there, he is going to be there, and she very clearly wants him there and it's gross. Not to mention incredibly tragic for Jacob, who wanted nothing to do with the vampires or shifting, and was planning on giving up his wolf asap and that is no longer an option for him because he is bound to the demon baby forever. 😭😭

[@DriftingMiasma]

'stephanie meyer is a boy mum' is such an incredibly succinct way of explaining so much of what happens in these book and the general viewpoint of the series. S tier analysis from alizee as per 😭👌💯

[@kennedyosullivan8723]

1:26:32 Leah also carries the guilt of believing she killed her own dad, plus the terror that she’ll never find someone because she’s the only female wolf and they don’t know how it works so she thinks she’ll be stuck listening to Sam forever (because wolves are essentially immortal in this) so yeah, I’d be pretty fucking depressed too if I were her, JACOB

[@FrytkaTheBogini]

Twilight completly avoids the fact, that's children DO NOT develop only mentally. Intelligence isn't everything. Reneesmee literally skipped all the points and goals which normal children are going through - communication with other children, with grown-ups and strangers. She skipped learning how to behave in various eniovements. Starting from home to school, where we have to adapt to new ways of spending our time, new rules in relationships and new chores. And then - fully grown adult would know how to behave in other places because they slowly adapted to them by their past experiences. How anyone could be fully grown up without experiencing everything what makes adults adults. Additionaly - children to develop properly needs not only to 'age up mentally' just as Twilight described. They need also go through few stages of development where they slowly explore surrounding, learn from their mistakes and gradually learn how to live without their parent's help. When children don't have opportunity to do that, their development starts to be irregular, some spheres are broken and some of them begin to form into pathology. Like, it's clear that Meyer didn't know about development of children. The fact that she's mother herself (probably) doesn't mean that she actually knew what she was writing. To conclude, we cannot skip the whole proces of aging and development in childhood because we wouldn't have anything to make up the damage

[@eldrichnemo9312]

I've seen speculation that Breaking Dawn post-Reneesmee's birth is a fantasy of not having to go through all the difficulty of being a parent, the responsibility for being there for all the critical points you bring up

[@Ashbrash1998]

This, like it reminds me of how Interview with a vampire did it with Claudia, because while she is stuck in a child's body despite being older than everyone else. Because her mind was still growing and experiencing stuff. So with Renessme growing so fast it looks even worse because she would a seven year old in the body of a young adult. And then you get the "she's mature for her age" type shtick that makes me gag

[@hoykfnvnnesnxnnensncjforkx1616]

​@@eldrichnemo9312 I think SM just used her mormon thoughts and doesn't think it's okay to not have kids if married but didn't actually want to deal with them having a kid so aged her fast

[@abigailw5860]

You’re not alone in remembering Edward’s conversation with Bella about Renesmee growing fast and Jacob being excited about it! I ABSOLUTELY remember it your way, and I remembered thinking it was weird and gross. Must’ve been a timeline jump.

[@AlizeeYeezy]

no way!! what is going on?!

[@mesifli]

@@AlizeeYeezy it was in the movies guys!!! you are remembering correctly but wrong source

[@AlizeeYeezy]

​@@mesifli I watched the end of the film whilst writing my script to double check; Jacob says something like "should I call you dad? " to Edward, so that's not what I'm talking about. I specifically remember the convo between Bella and Edward (sans Jacob, he was off being a nonce elsewhere presumably) in the book going differently. So it's either a timeline jump, or the world's most mundane Mandela effect.

[@AlizeeYeezy]

BRB gonna watch the end AGAIN just to double check because I will die on this tiny hill

[@AlizeeYeezy]

I was right, my version of events wasn't in the movie or in the book. Top 10 mysteries of all time. I need to get a different hobby.

[@sleepingsleepsleep]

Did my capstone project on the hymen in college, I have special insight on vampire hymens here: Vampire virgin Bella would not have issues breaking the hymen as it is never completely sealed. Women are born with perforated/almost non-existent hymens (or else you'd have huge issues with your period). What she will have issues with is the vaginal canal stretching. Not enough readiness on the female's part is what what typically causes bleeding, so Bella's marble muscles would not stretch very well..... This has been a PhD thesis thank you for listening.

[@AlizeeYeezy]

Haha thank u so much for answering this 😂😭

[@jazwhoaskedforthis]

Bella canonically has that Gorilla Grip

[@jadecoolness101]

The hymen isn't even SUPPOSED to break. It's not a "freshness seal" that you HAVE to tear. If the hymen breaks from s3x and causes bleeding, you're doing something wrong, because you shouldn't be bleeding enough to NOTICE blood among all the other fluids. The hymen CAN tear but it also still heals. I really hate this myth about the hymen being a "freshness" virginity seal, and bleeding is soooooo totally normal for women. It's NOT normal, men are just selfish and reckless and prioritize their pleasure over her safety. The female human body didn't develop a whole body part just because men are delusional misogynists. The hymen is there to keep debris out of the vaginal cavity in a child's younger reckless years, then it recedes as she enters adulthood.

[@sleepingsleepsleep]

@@jadecoolness101 I completely agree with your sentiment, it's such an antiquated sexist justification for not bothering to understand or prioritize the female experience. The female orgasm wasn't even considered possible for a long time 🙄 I hate men. I'm an annoying woman in STEM though, and wanted to clear up some further hymen misconceptions here. It's honestly a question whether it's there in infancy, or even exists at all...I'm sickened by whatever group came up with that myth considering the pain that comes with any kind of vaginal bleeding. To think they would justify terrible behavior with a "it's a freshness seal" is just nauseating. The theory that it exists to protect kids in younger years is also highly contested, since we're not sure if it exists. Didn't explain any of that in my og post, this has been an addendum to my PhD thesis.

[@jadecoolness101]

@@sleepingsleepsleep yeah, I'm also in stem, biochemistry specifically. I'd actually like to know where you read that it's unconfirmed that young girls have hymens, because multiple sources I've read (ranging from the 1990's to 2000's) have all confirmed that baby girls ARE born with a hymen, with rare exceptions. I've actually read studies not only proving they HAVE hymens, but studying the appearance of said hymens in babies and toddlers. The hymen's purpose is not 100% confirmed, but I've also read that it's very likely the hymen is there to keep out debris, the reasoning being that the aforementioned exceptions (girls born without hymens) had more issues with infections in the vagina. Sadly youtube doesn't allow links, because... Of Course

[@lokcachte]

I reread this book last year. Twilight truly would be much better as a horror novel series. There’s something so horrific about a half vampire slowly cannibalizing you to death.

[@non-existent_charlie]

PLEAASEE REWRITE IT AS A HORROR NOVEL

[@lookitskatiex]

A lot of things would work better in a horror series, like Jacob bonding with Shin Ramyun is something Stephen King would write lol

[@mysideacc2770]

the more i watch you read this series, the more i think bella was just a normal teenager who was a victim of parental neglect and stuck in an extremely misogynistic environment. i don't hate her as much anymore just because i feel horrified for her. i want her to somehow escape this book and find her way to a better story. renee is the kind of completely unreliable mother who insists on "being a friend instead of a mother", charlie is the extremely misogynistic "traditional" dad, jacob is an incel teenager, edward still has victorian ideals and probably thinks feminism is just women whining and throwing a fit, alice doesn't believe in free will, jasper was a confederate soldier. bella's worst sin is just being an annoying melodramatic self-centered teenager, which most of us have been at some point too anyway. i am so anxious for bella. i can't believe i'm saying this, but i want a bella-centric fanfic where she actually gets a better life.

[@abhainn35]

Wait. Change the story so Bella actually realizes everyone in her life is toxic, and then she tricks one of the Cullens into giving her vampirism. She gets more than she bargains for and struggles with her new powers. On top of that, she has to learn how to be her own person in a new environment with no one but herself and a puppy she found on the street. Maybe she meets new friends, a healthy partner, and gets some hobbies for once. I unfortunately have too many fanfics and projects going on to write this, but someone else can.

[@ImaginaryAlchemist]

Bella is 100% a victim of Stephanie Meyer's writing and Mormon propaganda. The amount of thinly veiled religious messaging is weird to see in hindsight. I was a pretty edgy, anti-religious teen and somehow I missed it. She could have been a decent character in a better story told by a more capable writer. (Though, to be fair, the same could be said for many other Twilight characters.) She's just never allowed the agency to grow or make her own choices. And when she does mess up, her vampire boyfriend and his overbearing family swoops in to fix her mess. She has no opportunity to learn from her mistakes.

[@jadecoolness101]

@@ImaginaryAlchemist "thinly veiled religious messaging" The veil is so thin it's nonexistent. Only the super religious would glorify/encourage women to knowingly die than ab0rt a fetus

[@everlastingdragon4520]

Um... might I remind everyone that Bella was 100% fine with Edward murdering people, barely cared about the hundreds being murdered in Seattle in New Moon, and didn't even bother saying a word when the Cullens' people-eating friends came over and the Cullens ACCOMMODATED them by lending them their cars so that the only people that'd get eaten were those they didn't know? Bella displays a pretty disturbing lack of empathy overall. If you want more, go to Das_Sporking's breakdown of the series.

[@mysideacc2770]

@@everlastingdragon4520 yes, aka being a normal teenager. hate to break this to you man, but most teenagers are unethical nightmares who do shit like that. i'm not particularly interested in another "omg guys teenagers are such psychopaths!!!" take. teenagers are dumb. their brains aren't fully developed. juvie and "you can't jail a minor" are built off of the knowledge that most teens are emotional, impulsive, still stuck in the "me" mentality of childhood, and prone to not thinking about the consequences of their actions. when a teen instigates a relationship with an adult, we don't jail the minor for being a "slutty nympho", we jail the adult because we understand teen brains are just dumb and horny and don't know any better. when a teen romanticizes abusive relationships in fiction, we don't tell them they're gonna become abusers and put them on a list, we recognize it as problematic and try to tell them why it's bad, because we recognize teenagers have a very skewed idea of romance because of how emotional hormones make teenagers mixed with the lack of real life experience. going "ummmmm actually bella was a psychopath without empathy because she enabled all the shitty adults around her :/" is just the exact same bullshit people on twitter try to pull where they stalk someone to find something bad they said when they were 14 and didn't know any better.

[@katr374]

Four and a half hour breakdown of Mormon indoctrination porn about racist vampires? Yes please! I live for these videos ❤

[@chaosspy6723]

And grooming. There are multiple instances of the grown werewolves and babies/ toddlers.

[@chelscara]

2:45:40 the whole Leah thing immediately made any not romantic argument null and void because her literal boyfriend who was sexually and romantically attracted to her, was immediately not when he saw imprint. Like who needs more proof than that???

[@zefiris7160]

It is canon that Sam is still in love with Leah, but the magical compulsion of the imprint bond overrides it. He feels bad about hurting Leah because he does still love her, but it just doesn't matter. :(

[@chelscara]

@@zefiris7160 thats just extra depressing for no reason, Jesus. I still think my point stands, it's just sadder now because everyone is hurt but the magic wolf brain is making them all act fine (well except Leah)

[@zefiris7160]

@chelscara1111 yeah, it's a generally terrible thing. :( the wolves just don't realize it because of the compulsion.

[@irradiated_woman8016]

_"Reading this made me re-grow my hymen."_ -Alizee

[@jazwhoaskedforthis]

Meyer is a great example of people being able to come up with cool ideas (everyone ELSE'S backstory) but not everyone having the skill or patience to write these stories well

[@lookitskatiex]

This is how I feel about my writing 😭

[@leahscontemporary]

I think she's a very good storyteller. For example her other books The Host and The Chemist. I don't understand the notion that it's because she can't write them. I'm sure if we were to read a book about said backstories and bella/edward story was brought into it, we would be questioning why didn't she write a book about an ordinary human girl with the ability to thaw all vampire powers including her immortal boyfriend who lusts for her blood cumulating with their hybrid baby almost chewing its way out and ending her life

[@marlyd]

I agree! Also she should be writing horror/thrillers, not romance. That pregnancy/birthing was absolutely horrifying.

[@sciencefantastic]

What like Sarah J Maas

[@Teajay21]

​@@leahscontemporary the point is though that even if she has am interesting premise the writing is so bad it becomes boring. She spends pages describing Bella cleaning & organizing fridge magnets but then jumps right past sharing anything about how Bella is feeling about her pregnancy after the first day.

[@SanjaSleipnir]

I’ve been pregnant four times (though I only have two children) and I’ve NEVER felt this instant love or bond for the fetuses. They were way too abstract at that stage. I bonded once they were actually born. Idk if that’s unusual but I believe a lot of women don’t love their embryos instantly.

[@tiryaclearsong421]

The instant love story seems to cause many women distress after birth if the hormones don't quite click right. Immediately after labor and with the first feeding, a bunch of hormones are supposed to rise up and chemically bond you to your baby so that you take care of it. Those hormones don't always result in the instant love a lot of people describe in movies or stories. In my experience, a sort of instant willingness to perform motherly duties is more what it felt like. The baby was still kind of a stranger but my brain kind of clicked into mom mode and became hyper aware of noises from the baby. Everything else was clumsy and new but when I let go of what I should be doing or feeling I was able to bond more with the baby over time and develop more of that loving bond.

[@janat6501]

Im currently pregnant and I definitly love my baby and im always worried about him but it was by no means instant, it took me a while to realize tbh 😂 and I felt awful my first trimester so I was more focused on that lol

[@boglarkacsanedinefabian9039]

So an eight month old pregnancy isnt a child? It is viable if born early why it isnt a child?

[@SanjaSleipnir]

@@boglarkacsanedinefabian9039 wtf are you blabbering about? I’ve never denied the fetuses their humanity.

[@SanjaSleipnir]

@@janat6501 i wish for a happy and healthy pregnancy and birth for you and your baby!

[@LifeOfTheAngels]

The ending of breaking Dawn has to ironically be the most memorable thing about this series for me, ofc Stephanie meyer would end this goofy ass story in a field of vampires and werewolves and nothing happens I just about died 😭

[@braelinnbjerklie2144]

I watched it in the theaters and the number of "Wait WHAT" that I heard around me was ridiculous 😂

[@Xehanort10]

And with the most cliche kind of romantic scene ever. Sitting in a field of flowers.

[@jazwhoaskedforthis]

I want to see the scene from like, a bystanders pov where nothing happens for like an hour and then everyone runs away

[@user-is7xs1mr9y]

@@Xehanort10 that damn song still haunts me to this day, I hate it so much lol

[@lizzi-e-izzil]

When she said "Alice danced into the clearing" I pictured Alice can-canning out of the forest

[@Nathi98]

Ayeee Macarena!

[@lindsayshanks7555]

Chicken dance

[@thehermit8618]

Alice doing one of those traversal dances from Fortnite

[@TaurusWitch29]

All of these are valid options and I approve 😂

[@Pandachu123]

Caramelldansen? 🤣

[@chickpeasandeggs1486]

I want someone to rewrite twilight keeping everything the same but the only thing changed is when Bella gets her super vision she looks at Edward and goes "my god he's fucking ugly"

[@rosettastarlight6239]

That's exactly how I thought it'd go originally when I first read those lines 😅 Like, as a human, vampires seem so special and otherworldly, but when she's a vampire, they suddenly seem a lot more average

[@serenitymoon825]

I think one of my favorite Twilight fics is Bella seeing herself in the mirror post transformation and being utterly horrified that she can't find any of herself anymore, by how still and unmoving she is, how there was no evidence of her pregnancy. She just stares at herself in horror and regret

[@CircusoftheMoon]

@@serenitymoon825 I think I read this fic. 🤔

[@santeri3900]

truly insane how fast jacob goes from being like…a generally pretty nice and friendly kid who has a hopeless crush and is maybe a little overenthusiastic but isn’t super weird about it in the first book to Literally The Worst Guy Ever in this one. and we’re still somehow supposed to root for them the same amount. I would have been so mad if I was reading these as they came out bc I feel like I would have liked his early character (not as a romantic interest for Bella just in general) and then would’ve had to watch him turn into an absolute fucking nightmare in the last two

[@shanicek5188]

His character assassination will go down in history methinks

[@lisahiselius6539]

@@shanicek5188 youthinks right, methinks!!

[@Onewingerdraven]

That's because Stephenie Meyer and all the incompetent "authors" like her don't know how men think and confuse basic narcissistic incel entitlement for good character development

[@ccrepaldi4740]

She made him insufferable for no reason. We knew from day one Bella would not choose him in the end, but she did not have to assassinate his character. She should have committed and made him final villain instead of what we got. But noooo, turn him into a little bitch AND make him imprint on the fricking baby, I can't

[@blueestarr16]

It’s genuinely just Smeyers Racism coming through.

[@The_hexgames]

And when the world needed her most…she returned

[@royce6485]

Bella’s constant jealousy of pretty girls and lack of self esteem would have really fucked me up if I read these books as a teen!

[@Mikichondria]

read these as a 6th grader and yeah it definitely contributed to the decimation of my self esteem ngl

[@barb1etraph0use12]

i was looking for a comment like this! i read these as a preteen and it did a number on me 😭

[@user-is7xs1mr9y]

thankfully I read them at 24 years old, but I feel bad for my peers who read them when they came out and we were in middle school.

[@locan9937]

"Jakob is one of the best persons i ve ever known" - Its funny how this statement from bella can be dismantled with just one throwaway line, that Meyer probably never thought about again: The one where Jakob parked on TWO disabled parking spot, just because he didnt feel like being considerate. Not really behaviour of the "best person" one would know id say (but then again its twilight, so the stakes for being a good person are already so low). Edit: Also on the imprinting shit: What if the werewolf is gay for example? Will he imprint on a man? Since its for reproduction purposes i would say no. So will he instead imprint on a woman and be forced to love her? Will the imprint change his sexuality or will he be forever stuck in a relationship with someone he isnt able to love in its fullest?

[@bethanychatman9531]

Well Stephanie Meyer is a full blown Mormon basically conservative Christian fundamentalist , so gay people don't "exist" for her or an abomination that can be "fixed" with pretending to be attracted to the opposite sex.

[@Mothromance]

Stephenie just pretends gay people don’t exist tbh

[@jadecoolness101]

"Jacob is one of the best persons I've ever known" That honestly says more about you than it says about this Jacob...

[@Nathi98]

I feel like it's the being with someone they cannot fully love thing

[@zefiris7160]

Imprinting isn't a guarantee for every wolf.

[@CheesePoutine]

2:08:23 Even reading this as tween/teen, I was confused about Renesme's entrance. Edward says that he can read her mind and knows she loves Bella already, so why would she not care about her dying when she was born? Confusing to me!

[@Bee-jq2yi]

Twilight fan here, began reading these when I was entirely too young and before Breaking Dawn was ever released: 10000% agreed on the end where you speak about the Renesmee subplot. It is THE sole reason why Breaking Dawn reads like fanfiction; having Bella and Edward get married and become parents immediately afterward not only didn’t make any sense biologically from what we were told about Meyer’s vampires, it never felt like a natural arc for Bella’s character at all. It never felt like a genuine progression of the story we had all become attached to and grown to love. Bella never wanted kids and never even wanted to marry. She was practically begging to live the life of eternal infertility with Edward until the end of time. There was never even an inkling of hesitation at the thought of not being able to bear children for the rest of her life. Her sudden extreme maternal instincts and strangely fierce protectiveness that emerged the second Edward planted his seed inside of her always felt forced along with everyone else’s (the Cullen’s and associates). Then it was just explained away lazily as Renesmee’s special Mary Sue super power. (What kind of super power is one that makes literally everyone around you instantaneously love you and want to protect you at all costs? Seems fake but ok) The entire last book would’ve been immensely better if Renesmee was removed from the plot entirely. Bella and Edward could’ve still gotten married and he still could’ve changed her. As a fan waiting for the last book to come out we all anxiously anticipated Bella finally being changed and getting to see her adjust to their lifestyle and deal with the hardships and consequences of leaving all of her family and friends behind, having to STRUGGLE with making such a permanent decision at such a young age and the weight of that decision and what it meant for the people around her that loved her (Charlie, Jacob.) We got none of that? Bella was finally changed but didn’t really struggle with any of it. Being a vampire just came naturally to her, there was really no internal struggle or grappling with that change in her life, everyone even her super traditional father and love struck side dude Jacob just magically accepted it with not really any questions asked or any animosity. Then we were saddled with a demon spawn that somehow completely changed the personalities and previous dynamics that had been established for literally every single character. Rosalie began acting different, Edward began acting different, Jacob began acting different, BELLA began acting different all because of the birth of this child that put all of them in grave danger simply by existing. Renesmee was literally a plot device that Meyer included as fan service and as a way to provide a fairytale ending and make everyone one big happy family. Bella never had to deal with Jacob’s feelings for her or the guilt of stringing him along, or worry about him ending up alone because Meyer conjured up a soulmate for him in the form of…Bella’s freaking child??? Completely removed the significance of Bella and Jacob’s feelings for each other, changed their dynamic and took the easy way out on any real development for Jacob or Bella regarding their relationship. This giant paragraph all to say….Renesmee should’ve never existed and the book would’ve been 1000x better if she had been retconned. The end.

[@Helcaloth]

This!! I was nodding along all through this comment. I liked the book as a teen bc I was obsessed with the characters, but I remember even then feeling so weird about Renesmee. Also, her growing up super fast seemed to be a way to appease readers who didn't want Edward and Bella to spend the entire rest of the book caring for an infant. Just taking the lazy way out at every turn...

[@Nemamka]

We got such a fairy tale ending, which is firstly, not surprising at all to me somehow, but secondly, yeah it's like so uncreative. We could have had a timeskip to like, a hundred years from now and checked out what they were doing. But Stephenie is so stuck in this high school mindset, like nothing ever really happens after you turn 18?? What a sad kind of outlook to life. Bella hasn't traveled (not anywhere that wasn't in a frenzy or to a private island) she hasn't had a cat or a dog, she hasn't been part of a 30's book club or a DND party, she hasn't volunteered, she hasn't been to a flower festival, or to the disco, like, you know what I mean, I would have loved to see her - and Edward - have some FUN in life, not just spend all their time at home with their family and do all the daily mundane things, since... SINCE THEY DON'T HAVE TO do mundane daily things! They don't have to eat so they don't have to wash the dishes, and they don't need heating because they don't get cold (ok maybe after they have Resume they do need it but let's disregard her for a moment :d) They haven't been to a metal concert, or to the Grand Canyon, or like, you know what, how selfish are they, they don't need to breathe so they would be able to save people who attempt - and fail - to climb the Everest! I mean yeah sure thanks it's very nice that EDWARD has been able to live a full life in the last 90 years with like, actually exciting turns and morally questionable involvements and then a redeeming roller coaster, but Bella with 18 and change gets to just have him with his memories? Yikes :d It is sort of unfathomable to me how much SM stayed in her comfort zone - even though apparently she can write pretty horrific scenes and introduce concepts like age-old vampire clans and shit - when the literal genre she chose is FANTASY romance. You have to be the most boring person on earth to write about vampires and werewolves and then just stick to handholding and petty personal drama with barely any stakes ever.

[@samlerf]

After listening to the abridged Twilight audiobooks I'm astonished just how much material could be cut without missing a single vital plot point😅

[@Shadowplay4Cats]

Everytime I’m reminded of the moment Bella learns about Jacobs imprinting I angry vomit because she doesn’t rip his head off the moment he won’t back off. It gets to me every time, my skin is crawling. I feel you Alizee I hate Jacob so much

[@chiisanaxxai]

All these years later, I still can’t get over the fact that Bella’s main superpower is essentially “no thoughts, head empty.” She can shield her own thoughts from other people and then extend that protectiveness to other people by the end of the book. I wish that I, too, could be that incomprehensible and ~mysterious~ with my thoughts.

[@melissarussell9723]

It seems like I remember in my fan girl days that Smeyer named the character Jacob after her brother. That never set well with me after finishing the series.

[@TaurusWitch29]

And her son is named Seth lol

[@user-is7xs1mr9y]

Yeah I wish I could forget that fact, it makes everything a thousand times creepier.

[@o0BlackSand0o]

Okay, two things about Bella's pregnancy that bother me. 1. My first pregnancy nearly killed me. The amount of energy that is drained from your body in that situation is absolutely ridiculous. Sure, it's showing on her body by the weight loss and stuff but she should be so much more vulnerable with how tired and sore she is. It's an exhaustion and pain that runs so deep. 2. My second child actually bruised my uterus with his kicks. Obviously he isn't a vampire hybrid so I didn't have bruises appearing on my skin but his kick was powerful enough to hurt my husband's hand. The power behind Renesme's kicks would rip open the uterus! When my son pushed his foot as hard as he could at 38 weeks, the doctor freaked out and tried to push him back because I screamed in pain and it looked like my skin would split. Bella is not giving any real reactions and it's bothering me. Girl should be screaming, crying, vomiting, and begging the baby to be gentle. Seriously, it's just a ridiculous type of pain that I think only the strongest mind would be able to handle without the reactions in the previous sentence.

[@theoriginalglitchqueen2544]

I’m about 70% sure in the books they explain that there’s a coating and/or the uterus itself has developed the skin of a vampire. Carlisle can’t see through to get an ultrasound. So essentially, the baby could kick the uterus as much as she wanted, but Bella’s ribs and other organs are gonna suffer. You’re super right though, either way. She’d be in indescribable amounts of agony.

[@o0BlackSand0o]

@theoriginalglitchqueen2544 that makes some sense but yeah, I don't think Meyer really thought the real pain through. Your ribs being attacked from the inside is much more painful than from the out. It makes it hard to breath. I literally had to grip a counter at the shops as I screamed from one particular kick to the ribs. I don't think I went 20 minutes without some type of noise of pain cause babies kick a lot!

[@chiisanaxxai]

I’m currently 24 weeks with a pregnancy that has had me in and out of hospital for hyperemesis basically from day one, and my little man has left bruises on the outside from kicking on the inside. I bruise super easy, and baby loves to kick in the same places over and over. This pregnancy occurred almost immediately on the heels of a pregnancy that almost killed me because of hyperemesis and malnutrition that was beginning to take out my organs, and I have been so completely exhausted and in pain the whole time. When I was a tween/young teen reading these books, even I knew it was stupid that Bella was just… kinda okay? I mean, not doing well, but still somewhat functional. After my experience with hyperemesis, my suspension of disbelief is entirely defeated despite this being YA fantasy 😂

[@o0BlackSand0o]

@chiisanaxxai honestly you can tell when an author has been pregnant or not. And yeah, those painful kicks, man! I wish you well, fellow mumma. Pregnancy is horrible but at least it creates cute little gremlins lol

[@chiisanaxxai]

@@o0BlackSand0o true that! or you can tell when they’ve had an easy, non-complicated pregnancy. Thank you for the well wishes ❤️ I’m doing a lot better now, and even though I’ve not enjoyed this experience, I’m excited to meet my kiddo and am taking joy in the fact that he’s developing well 😊

[@tyler-df3wy]

19:00 so I know this was just a side comment but as a criminologist, the whole ‘it’s a part of their brain’ does really bother me because reducing criminal behaviour to psychology or biology can be super dangerous Having antisocial personality disorder doesn’t make someone inherently more dangerous than a ‘normal’ person, and conflating ‘psychopaths’ with serial killers just adds to the stigma that a lot of completely innocent people have to face on a daily basis. And biological determinism is a very unhelpful approach because it completely discounts efforts to rehabilitate someone because they were just ‘born that way’ Crime is a social construct, and people’s relation to law and criminality has a huge sociological element. By hinging violent behaviours on biological aspects, it discourages people from examining the social structures that led to them committing the crimes in the first place. Othering people who commit violent crimes does nothing to address the systemic issues that impact us all. All it does is turn behaviours into an issue of individual morals or being biologically ‘wrong’ and it discourages efforts to change society for the better I love your content and you’re funny as fuck but this is a huge pet peeve of mine because this mentality’s got the same roots as ‘boys will by boys’ and I needed to rant

[@xXAcidBathXx]

💯!

[@Skrill99]

Should I pin all the blame on the person so that I personally feel moral and so we don't have to work to change society as a whole? Definitely. This is a joke

[@grasstastesbad]

this is interesting! i think it’s generally accepted poverty and crime are related so in this case everyone accepts it’s a societal thing but with murder (for example) people generally blame the perp? it’s a double standard

[@SFO34]

“I committed the crime but it wasn’t my fault your Honor. It was systemic issues!” Please. Pretending neither biology nor individual morals have nothing to do with any crime or criminal is ludicrous. And psychopaths generally are a threat. Not all choose to kill but they absolutely do not care about anyone else and will do whatever it takes to get what they want. We know that biologically they are predisposed to particular crimes. This is a weird take and concerning since you’re a “criminologist”

[@grasstastesbad]

@@SFO34 bro, op didn’t say any of this. read again

[@Corrupted_flesh]

Oh GOD I just had a HORRIBLE thought If Jacob has basically imprinted on Bella's egg cell What if Jacob had actually gotten Bella pregnant Would he have imprinted on his own daughter I want to die

[@nym4522]

WHY DID YOU HAVE TO SAY THIS AHHHHH

[@MaddieMisanthrope]

I've had this thought before as well and just *shudders* NO.

[@rachael5300]

Maybe another random egg would've been fertilised instead of Reneesme's.

[@zefiris7160]

Jacob did not imprint on the egg. He imprinted on a child that was part Edward and part Bella. The egg on its own was not the child in question. 😂😂

[@MaddieMisanthrope]

@@zefiris7160 But wait, hold on, did he not say from his own mouth that this entire time (the book series) it was never *actually* Bella he was so obsessed with, and only NOW does he realize it was because of Renesme? Like he originally thought he just in love with Bella but turns out he actually wasn't, it was just the imprint he magically had but didn't know about yet because Bella hadn't given birth yet? I'm not taking the piss, I'm being serious. Isn't that what the books said?

[@anaiswinter9893]

So glad to see you video. And content wise, do whatever you want. Read or write parody erotica, make vids about Gilmore Girls, mockumentaries, full (more or less) readings of more Twilight or NightHouse crap. I´d watch it all. Your snark makes pretty much anything entertaining. And I love these videos so much. I actually let out a little exited squeal when I saw the notification. And I had a great four and a half hours of laughter and pure enjoyment.

[@AlizeeYeezy]

Thank you!

[@EJ_2091]

Please don't feel bad about taking a while to get this out, the word count is longer than my honours thesis and that took me a whole year😨😨 you're incredible for doing this - I'm so excited for it!!!

[@darkestwingz]

2:33:19 im pretty sure the reason smeyer cant relate to vamp!bella is because vamp!bella is happy with her life and smeyer cant fathom a woman who isnt suffering constantly

[@camilaferriolli7996]

Bella trying not to scream or show pain while she's dying does seem to have ties with religious beliefs -- more specifically, the idea of a clean death. There are loads of medieval paintings and such that depict people literally dying while looking serene, and their peaceful exterior shows holiness, basically. Many saints are depicted dying while looking blasé

[@aprilsells6952]

I read it more in the religious sense that a woman's place is to suffer in silence for the convenience of others(namely men)😒 , not to mention moron Bella's martyr complex... but that's a really interesting way to look at it too 🤔

[@celestialshiii]

and when the world needed her most....she came back with 4+ hours of salt. what a time to be alive thank you alizee idk what tf id listen to while cooking at 3am if your content didn't exist 🦇🦇

[@SoRePeSi]

You know it's gonna be a good one when Alizee is already tired and disheveled in the first ten seconds of the video

[@chelscara]

As someone that has never watched Gilmore girls, I’d love the excuse to continue to not do that while still knowing everything about it 😂

[@marlyd]

As someone who's watched GG religiously her entire life from its conception and still rewatched at least once a year (Autumn rewatch babyyyy) and has listened to several podcasts on it, I feel confidant in saying that just ingesting whatever Alizee says about it is probably sufficient. I'm super excited about any Alizee GG talk btw.

[@ari_chameleon]

I was JUST re-bingeing your other videos and hoping for more! My prayers have been answered 🙌🏾🙌🏾

[@soyvein]

fan theory: renesmee could sense that Jacob was going to kill her when she was born so she used her special love me powers to force an imprint from Jacob👀

[@kennedyosullivan8723]

2:54:03 I’m just going to put this out there - Kids and teenagers have crushes on adults. They mistake the feelings of warmth and kindness with romantic attachment and so the adults that are nice to them and take an interest in them/their hobbies prompt a school-kid crush. Jacob is entirely devoted to Renesmee and we’re told that it’s impossible to decline that devotion. So what if Renesmee says that she wants Jacob “romantically” when she looks 13 years old. While I also call Jacob a nonce, canonically he hasn’t actually expressed any interest in anyone who is/looks younger than his own age. So if Renesmee, with her “fully mature brain from a very young age” decides that she “wants” Jacob, would he say no? COULD he say no? He’s never actually shown that he’d want her when she’s that age, and he’s disgusted at Bella’s insinuation when Renesmee is a baby, so I’d assume he, without the imprint, would be abhorred. But with the imprint? I think he’d become the “romantic” partner she asked for and do whatever she wanted. So he would become an actual nonce because she asked him to and he’d have no choice. And if that doesn’t show how the imprint is actually a form of torture then I don’t know what does!

[@samlerf]

Never apologize for what you're putting out or not. You are a human being and your real life should always come before your Internet-presence and work. You need time off and time to relax and do what makes you happy. You can only help others if you make sure that you're doing okay, too. Like any artist or creator, your output should be defined by your philosophy, what you care about, what you like or hate, what is going through your head, influenced by your personal story and the people you encountered along the way. You don't owe it to your fans to publish what they want you to do (and your fans are kind people, from what I can tell, who don't want to force you to anything, anyway).

[@Bonklyboi]

I cannot overstate how fucking excited I am for this

[@meganb.higgins973]

My biggest complaint with the Twilight series is how static of a character Bella is throughout the entire series. The only development she gets is after she's become a vampire, which makes it feel cheap and hollow. Actually, scratching that, my biggest complaint is how dirty Stephanie Meyers did Jacob's character followed by Bella's lack of personality and growth

[@sciencefantastic]

Every time I hear about the issues with this series I’m always reminded of the ACOTAR books and just how blatantly those books are just “Twilight with fairies”

[@Mels0103]

You deserve some type of compensation for this 😅

[@reeekill]

I haven't even watched this yet, saw it and clicked immediately. This is the video I've been WAITING for! Your Twilight Breakdowns are FUCKING HILARIOUS! I'm SO HAPPY this is a 4 and a HALF HOUR VIDEO!! My only regret is that it's 6am here in New Zealand and I can't enjoy this with a glass of wine.

[@KratosNotKratos]

Not with that attitude.

[@jojol.2630]

It would be more believable if Emily is only with Sam because she’s afraid of him and is just trying to placate him

[@TreeDwellingShrimp]

Maybe she is. Unlike the others, she's not part of the hive mind so they can't weasel their way into her head to see what's going on. I always figured she settled because he ruined her chances of finding a partner. He mauled her face just for saying no so imagine what he'd do to someone getting close that he's NOT imprinted to. Even though they're supposedly the ultimate protectors... Its was either get with him and try to make the best of it or possibly be killed next time he lost control over a 'nah'. Not great choices. We also see everything through other character's POVs and they're not the most reliable narrators, like Bella who is pretty dismissive of anyone who's not a Cullen and is socially inept.

[@jazwhoaskedforthis]

Dude exactly

[@christinac873]

Exactly!! I always thought it was weird as hell that she just went along with this “imprint” stuff. That’s your cousins boyfriend why tf would you even be interested at all 🤷🏻‍♀️ She’s gotta be scared of him he really messed up her face it’s super sad really

[@Nathi98]

I read on TVTropes he messed up her face cuz she said no once. Ofc she's petrified. Emily & Leah deserve better!

[@NoelleTakestheSky]

When they had sex on their wedding night, the one who we should be concerned about being abused is actually Edward. He is VERY clearly scared because he knows his own power and that he could lose control and kill her on accident, but Bella doen’t give a fucking rat’s ass about his first time being good for him. Her first time post-vampirism would still be good for her, but it would also be good for him. She just wanted a bit of extra for himself even though it cost him any enjoyment. She guilted and coerced him into that first night. This is the point where I felt bad for Edward and started thinking she might actually be a shittier person than he is. Yeah, he tried to stop her from doing things, and acted like she was a trophy to fight over with Jacob, but from here on out, all the shittiness is really on her, and she basically decided to have someone hold her beer while she topped anything Edward did by miles.

[@intrusive-th0t]

Edward was literally 108 and she was a minor when they started dating, not sure he’s really the victim here

[@CheesePoutine]

I have always been frustrated with Rosalie's narrative. I think it's fine that she is upset she was changed into a vampire without wanting it or agreeing. But to push her wants onto Bella is so rude. Bella is her own person and should be allowed to make her own decisions (albeit, questionable ones) without people telling her she's wrong.

[@lookitskatiex]

That’s true. I always wonder about the weird canon idea that vampires are frozen mentally, because that doesn’t make sense to me. I think that some of Rosalie’s issues are related to bitterness, but I also suspect that she really does think Bella is making a big mistake and doesn’t realize it because she’s immature, something a more mature woman would think. If that is the case though, as a mental adult she should also know that pushing does the exact opposite thing. I do love Rosalie though. Taking out her fiancé and his friends wearing her wedding dress is just immaculate drama.

[@CheesePoutine]

@@lookitskatiex That is also a really great point, about mental age. I agree that she would definitely be more mature to notice Bella's actions are for the wrong reasons, but I agree she shouldn't push. I wonder if maybe her character was supposed to be more mature than others her age when she was human. If that is true, it is unclear in the writing, and that's an issue in a novel. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

[@BabyGirlTiny]

I think she’s just projecting onto bella

[@CheesePoutine]

@@BabyGirlTiny She definitely is. It makes me wonder what values Meyer has ... get married, have babies, raise them. All seems so olf fashioned and like she's projecting into her writing (or maybe I'm thinking too much about it)

[@Krcko202]

so what if resume was a boy? does jacob suddenly become gay? would he never have had the attraction to bella in the first place if the baby was to be a boy? is the wolf gene so advanced it KNOWS bella's offspring will be female? or is it all a very convenient coincidence

[@icyphrog802]

…bisexuals exist

[@Not_Always]

resume, lol

[@Panffles]

This is EXACTLY what I needed today. Alizee I wish nothing but good things for you.

[@Panffles]

What a ride! LOL I actually do want a full on video for Midnight Sun* simply because Edward is a freak

[@lizaport7531]

Would love to see one for The Host by Stephanie Meyer as well. Your book breakdowns are so much fun to watch.

[@Pomshka]

Also: On the subject of Vampirism being a parasite. Anne Rice's Vampire's in the Vampire chronicles series, their vampirism is *kind of* like a parasite. Without going into spoilers for the latest books.

[@Onewingerdraven]

Please spoil me, I'm not intending to read it.

[@eveandaedrul]

Please spoil me too! I'm never gonna read them but I'm so curious about this vampiric parasitism

[@RedSpade37]

You all might not believe it. The "demon" that possessed Enkil and Akasha is actually some kind of alien who also lived in Atlantis? Amael? I don't recall the name anymore. Anyway, yeah, the more "vampires" there are, the more "spread out" Amael is, and Amael... uh, is kinda feeding off the vampires as they feed on humans? Not sure. I DNF Prince Lestat, and unfortunately agree that Anne's later entries in the series are so very different from her earlier work, that it almost reads like fanfiction, like Anne didn't actually write it, or hired a ghostwriter or something. Super weird. There's even more to it than I said. But yeah, there's some of the details. Lestat in Atlantis.

[@Pomshka]

@@RedSpade37 I love the Vampire chronicles because they're just batshit insane 🤣 and Rice wrote for herself, not anyone else. You can tell that it's just her, having a grand old time with her fictional children. Lestat is the textbook definition of "LESTAT NO!" "... What if.... Lestat.... Yes? :B "

[@RedSpade37]

@@Pomshka I can see that side of it, too, of course. I could always give it another chance, one day. Trying to read fiction again.

[@e.anaiswhit6749]

I love your twilight readings. The sarcasm, the (entirely justified) hated for Bella and Edward, the dry bullying, a true treat

[@anarchy7535]

I have so many problems with the mechanics of vampire sex. 1. You can't make THAT MANY references early in the book to vampires being unable to blush and then expect me to believe Edward isn't pushing rope. (Yes, she actually made up some excuse for that canonically.) 2. Vampires don't get pregnant because their bodies are "frozen and unchanging" which means that FEMALE vampires would be more likely to be fertile since they'd still have their eggs. That Bella gets pregnant means she got loaded up with a 100 year old musty load that virgin Edward hasn't rubbed out even once in a hundred years out of curiosity. 3. There's CONSTANT references to how consciously gentle he has to be to not randomly kill her, it's why they didn't have sex in the first place. Their child is half-vampire so the sperm cells ARE vampiric or crystallised or whatever. You cannot convince me that his orgasm wouldn't be the equivalent of letting off a shotgun inside her. Also, Meyer is biologically inept. When you eat food, your body doesn't just mush it and send it to the baby like fruit puree. It's processed by your body in the same way food is and the baby takes nutrients IN THE FORM OF BLOOD through the umbilical cord. There is ZERO reason why demon baby would need BELLA to drink blood when all of what she eats would arrive at her as human blood regardless. Also stealing blood from a blood bank is basically saying "why don't they just go eat all the people in a hospital, they're sick and probably gonna die anyway?" Blood donations are always ridiculously in need, taking supplies isn't not harming people, it's just hurting them in a more convoluted way. Yet, they were happy to do that to set up Bella's fake fall at the end of Twilight, so guess they don't have a problem with that.

[@ghostcrackers]

As horrible as it is, Stephenie Meyer came up with a reason for the -achem- *release* to be nonlethal/painful. APPARENTLY they had the smexms in the ocean and it thawed his members like ice cubes in lemonade. Thus why she caught the preggers.

[@grasstastesbad]

i feel like the story would’ve been better/more interesting if bella’d had some supernatural ancestry. it would explain why her blood smelled so good, why edward can’t read her mind etc. their match would’ve made more sense. there’s precedent for it in the story too, with jacob being in love with her because of nessie. bella wouldn’t have been such a mary sue either, there would actually be something special about her

[@xLiLlyx98]

Yeah, they could have gone the sookie stackhouse route with her (although in that case she was the mind-reader and couldn't read the vampires mind) but like... Still. Pull something out of your ass, smeyer, you already have shapeshifters and vampires, make her a sasquatch or something, idk 😂😂

[@Hanct95]

When I read the book for the first time when I was 13 I was sure she was going to turn out to be part vampire for some reason.

[@sophiaako7663]

@@xLiLlyx98 omg and they're in the pacific northwest! Bigfoot's secret daughter, bella swan!

[@xLiLlyx98]

@@sophiaako7663 😎👉👉 that fanfiction ain't gonna write itself

[@Nathi98]

Would've been interesting if she came from an ancient wizard 🤔

[@asquirreltv]

1:25:16 I do believe the "sucks rocks" line is in reference to the way wolves (and other animals) will lick rocks and soil for the micronutrients. That would be weird if they did it, though, since they presumably eat human food.

[@wait-itskate]

I'd love to see a critique of Meyer's 'The Host' 👀 I don't want this series to end! The books are awful but the videos are great (PS, thanks for the gentle editing. I left a comment about sensory overload last year through my old account, and ever since the edits have been calmer. I appreciate it ❤️)

[@woweeitsali]

I just rewatched all the twilight breakdowns last night😭 Alizee how is your timing so spectacular every time

[@pohjanlepakko]

I've never in my life read or watched Twilight because as a kid I thought I was too cool for them (....while running around the forests of southern Finland, looking for elves from Tolkien's books. Super cool.) but you fucking bet I'm gonna listen to you talk about it for four and a half hours straight while I paint and I'm gonna be extremely entertained. So excited to watch this ✨

[@aronthedev3074]

Yesssss! I've been waiting for this breakdown for so long! (Of the book, not Alizee's mental status from having to suffer through reading it) But thank you, Alizee, for putting yourself through this for your fans. We love ya for it.

[@meganloulou]

You weren’t imagining Jacob getting excited about Nessie growing up fast. He reacts to the information as a wolf when Nahuel reveals it. Bella decides to ignore it until the danger passed, and it’s basically 50/50 whether he was reacting to her growing up that fast or that she would be immortal.

[@zefiris7160]

I think it was more that she wasn't going to die in a few years from old age.

[@sarahmoviereviewer4109]

Read this book first I read the twilight saga backwards glad I did if I read it in order I wouldn't have read this at all .

[@mysideacc2770]

1:14:00 alizee i suggest reading about the tiyanak. baby sized monsters can be surprisingly terrifying, i can't blame the pack for wanting to kill it with fire tbh. also i'm sorta glad you mentioned the ivanx2 painting because i'm also obsessed with it. i ended up watching an ivan the terrible docuseries on youtube a few weeks ago, and since then that painting has haunted me. ilya repin did an amazing job really conveying the desperation and horror of ivan and humanizing him, but goddamn cuz it always makes me start thinking about my life and my regrets and i could write an entire essay on my feelings.

[@canardfromage8002]

Alizee: Babies are small! You all are huge with sharp teeth and stuff! You can take tiny thing with sharp teeth! Sam, who has seen Monty Python and the Holy Grail 1092 times and had Rabbit Nightmares as a child: You'd Think That Wouldn't You

[@Artbyhurricanyounot]

I LITERALLY just got done re-watching the eclipse breakdown! Time to have a breakdown about breaking dawn 😎

[@stevieatthemovies8186]

Your theory about the vampires being parasites that make a copy of the host's consciousness is similar to how vampires work in Buffy the Vampire Slayer. In that show the soul canonically exists. When a person is turned their soul leaves and is replaced by a demon. The demon uses the host's memories to aide in hunting. Their personality is similar but it is altered. Notably the absence of the soul means that they are able to do terrible things and not feel guilty and if a vampire does a good deed, there is selfish motivation.

[@kristik5305]

Fuck a normal job! One vote for Gilmore content! Thank you for this gem of a video, you are amazing! “Yeetus that fetus” had be DYING ☠️

[@tuvaandersson7006]

I have been waaaaiting for this. I love listening to you while i work. My adhd vibes with you

[@britishtwit5233]

You're braver than most people for doing this

[@justapanpirate]

The fact that you not only read the books but give us these breakdowns, putting yourself through this, makes me admire you. I’d love to watch no matter what book/movie/etc, like all the series that became really big/impactful at one point or something. (Also, fun fact; the psych evaluation of Luca Magnotta (the don’t fuck with cats dude) is available online, I remember starting to read it and it was certainly.. interesting.)

[@fartsmcgee8700]

Please do Midnight Sun like this. I’m sure a million others have also requested it, but I demand another vote for it LOL. Also do Gilmore Girls, but dumb it down for those of us who never watched it 😜

[@ashleynielson8904]

I think it’d be a delight to hear you review the animated Barbie movies circa the 2000’s

[@Nemamka]

"I bet they all clap when the plane lands, too" I DIED laughing at this, and became a wereweasel, thank you so much for your service 35:00 You know, I believe people take issue with the abuse or not abuse sex with the bruises, because no matter how many times Bella says she enjoyed it and it didn't hurt, she's completely delusional and self-deprecative, as you also point out many times. She has such an Edward-brainrot that she would say anything and everything to protect HIM meanwhile all we know, as audience, is factual, physical evidence that she truly is all beat up; AND it doesn't really count when someone says they didn't mean it, abusers most often say that the next day, so all of this combined with Edward being also a control freak.... yeaaaaaah, I totally see why it icks people out. Don't get me wrong, I AM in fact one of those people who love bruises and they don't hurt :D I love it when I get manhandled and if hickeys and all show up the next day, but ANYWAY the icky feeling is more about how 1, the act itself is not described, obviously, because we have to think of the children, and 2, Bella not remembering it and not being able to _acknowledge_ what happened in this weird dismissive way just to reassure Edward is soooo giving abused person energy. Like, even if she says she didn't feel one touch being too strong or too tight, we have like three books of how self-destructive she is when it comes to Edward, and we have also have three books about Edward controlling like every aspect of her life that he can, you know what I mean? It's perfectly fine to not read all that into it and just believe Bella's little adrenaline junkie ass, I'm just saying this might be the reason why people say this is also a big nono :')

[@marisanicole5116]

3:36:41 (Vampire Powers Theory) : There's another theory that made more sense which was, for Edward, when he was alive he wasn't very perceptive communicating, and that's why he often misunderstands Bella bcuz he can't read her mind unlike others. Bella is very closed off and keeps her thoughts/feelings to herself. It's implied that even though she loves her mother, Bella resents her for forcing Bella to be the adult/mother in their relationship. It's probably also why she's so attached to Edward since he infantalizes her and she's able to be a "child" It's also why she's obsessed w/ aging. Peter Pan syndrome? Anyway... She would never tell her mother her true feelings about that, unlike w/ Charlie who can handle her moodiness and outburst, even when he doesn't deserve it due to his guilt for... I don't want to say he abandoned her but Bella feels like he didn't try hard enough to keep their family together. Charlie should've been like Edward (or Jacob) and followed them to the ends of the Earth and dragged Renee back to Forks by her hair bcuz that's what Edward would have and HAS done (rough-handling, tampering w/ Bella's car and even going to the Volturi to follow her in death when he thought she was dead - instead, Bella followed HIM to Italy to save him). I digress. Bella's ability to hide her thoughts/feeling in life meant that powers that affect the brain won't work on her. Then there's the reveal of her REAL vampire power that I won't spoil for those who haven't read the books, watched the movie or finished this video.

[@ukonnokia]

Alizee's rage at children speaking like children freaking sent me. "Talk properly. Grow up"

[@gabriellag9814]

What a fine day it is for a new Alizee video

[@xxDeeMmmVeexx]

Your absolute distain and deserved pessimism towards these books, literally fuels my hatred towards badly written literature but also brightens my day, so thank you for that

[@LEbackstage]

I already watched a Clip Breakdown of this one today. 😢 please, I need a break. 😂 Also, are you intending to read another CoHo book? Because the last 3 you read were wild. 😅🤣

[@AlizeeYeezy]

absolutely

[@irradiated_woman8016]

Big ups Alizee Yeezy for entertaining my raging ADHD for the whole evening. You're the only Yee in my heart.

[@KarikiNeroli]

What always gets me is that the Cullen's claim they can't trust the pack because "werewolves and vampires hate each other!"... and yet, they knew the entire time they weren't actually werewolves, just shapeshifters. So that was a lie. Not only is Meyer trying to retcon this but she's doing it badly.

[@santaclara6112]

Your New Moon video is one of my favorite KZbin videos. I just finished watching it for the umpteenth time this morning. I got so excited when I saw this in my subscription tab. Thank you for your witty commentary on these books.

[@kiki18j2]

Fun Fact: When I watched Breaking Dawn Part 2 in theaters, when the “fight” with the Vulturi started I was so excited. I was literally up out of my seat cheering at the screen and yelling “Yes!! Kill them!!” Almost the whole time. It was so different from when I read it ie. exciting and not boring. I was so disappointed when it turned out to just be Alice’s vision.

[@EllieBelle1993]

There’s too many iconic quotes that Alizee makes every few minutes I couldn’t possibly comment on all the ones that make laugh You are beyond a doubt one of the best KZbinrs I follow, top 5 for me! You are genuine, funny, honest, and hard working! Couldn’t ask for more, live your best life and I’m happy to see your content whenever you feel like uploading or are “contractually obliged” 😂

[@TKZells16]

Okay firstly, I love your videos! Second, I suspect that Stephanie isn’t really as obsessed with her husband as Bella is about Edward, as she’s mentioned that she essentially married Mike. Oh to be a fly on that wall

[@intrusive-th0t]

Stephenie’s husband: 🧍‍♂️

[@jinaiallegra1050]

3:32:00 I don't smoke (because I tried it at a young age and it didn't do anything for me). I don't drink coffee (because one month of sitting next to an office coffee machine in the summer heat makes me retch at the stench). I don't drink alcohol (since my stepfather died). I'm also pro-choice. Please don't put me in the same box as Smeyer 😅And please don't presuppose people have to be a certain way based on a few of the thousands of choices they've made in their life. (I'm not saying that Smeyer CAN'T be anti-choice, just that there is no reason to assume she is because she does things differently.) Also, yes, I'm aware this was probably meant in a sarcastic way. I just wanted to point it out for those who take every word at face value.

[@emdove]

Yeah, I know it’s not to be taken too seriously, but it’s a really weird joke to make, because I don’t see any correlation between coffee-drinking and stance on abortion. Like, non at all, I’m flummoxed. Obviously the rest of the things are no indication either, but at least they - stereotypically and supposedly - relate to Christianity. I’d bet a huge percentage of alcoholics in the US identify as Christian, but that’s just a guess 💀 The whole bunch of bullet points would fit with every health conscious person. Or those with illnesses. Smoking is the bane of my existence, cause I get a headache and can’t breathe properly when somebody who’s smoked half an hour ago enters the room. Alcohol, anything more than a cocktail, gives me a headache. Same with coffee. Obviously I don’t intentionally subject myself to pain - hence why I’m decidedly PRO abortion 😂

[@waderagland9354]

I just finished rewatching the other ones 😭 This is perfect

[@mikusheadphones]

I'm going back to uni on the 12th after taking 8 years off since i had cancer... and my first class is called Vampire Films and I'm praying that we get to watch twilight saga for it lmao

[@sugarwolfxyt]

The intrusive thoughts are the best bit, please keep including them

[@maximillian1109]

2:35 - About the dragon: If I remember correctly it was that Galbatorix put a spell on his dragon to make him age up faster, and that is why he is so bloody massive now despite not being that old compared to other dragons around. Pretty sure that golden dragon is both much older and way smaller, despite how he should be bigger than Galvatorix's dragon. Also, didn't Galvatorix put the same spell on Thorn, the red dragon, and that is why when they see him for the first time, he is as big as Sapphira despite being younger as well? I think Thorn is messed up mentally as well, and he and his rider leaves at the end of the story to just heal and be alone or something?

[@shareetz3154]

23:33 - 23:41 this makes it sound like when people become vampires, they get updated hardware running on outdated software, since they’re stuck at whatever mental age they were turned 😅

[@nerdypenguin9164]

The spawn of renesme and jacob would be the new manbearpig. Half man, half bear, half pig

[@Lavran]

Top notch intro 😂 I applaud your dedication to this series

[@alib1646]

Your take on the vampire parasite is basically the Buffy the Vampire Slayer vampires. And I 100% agree.

[@sarahkleven3891]

I remember reading this for the first time when it came out, and I completely felt the same, that this entire book was fan service, s Meyer just wrote it to try and please all the fans of twilight, I was so disappointed no one who was loved died lol

[@cassy2789]

Yey! Been waiting for this one, my fav reviewer on KZbin hands down

[@dark-seagreen]

I know its a way off but I am SO excited for you to go over The Host, these book reviews bring me so much joy, I read so much trash growing up its so fun to look back on these stories through you

[@oopsallbugs]

Oh man, speaking of how horrific imprinting is, you might be interested in a fanfic called "For You, I Will", by noted spitefic author DasMervin. It's about how imprinting basically enslaves the wolf and what if their match was a terrible, horrible person. Extremely compelling, highly recommended!

[@offsewingdragons9142]

Trigger warning, it’s a highly disturbing fanfic. Also better written than the source material. Thanks op! It was a good read!

[@oopsallbugs]

@@offsewingdragons9142 I'm glad you enjoyed!