Double Standards: Men vs. Le$bians - S3 Ep14

You ever wonder what Rachel & Emily's convos are like when the cameras are off? Well look no further! In this week's episode, come sit down with us as we ADHD discuss everything from our high school experiences, to queer terminology, to the "double standards" men and lesbians face in society. It's a doozy, so buckle up.
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[@gracelarmee]

As an ADHDer, this episode's sheer amount of topics and the way it would switch and then come back was so pleasing to me

[@jess-sorandom828]

Emily has never heard the phrase Birds of the Feather Flock together? That’s wild to me. Lol

[@markiethedog1379]

i learned it from dance moms lol

[@enforsstrom]

This!! 😂

[@TurtleRainbow]

@@markiethedog1379 same lol

[@SashaWL3]

I haven't either until I read this comment

[@MommaofTwo]

I literally loved this episode of just talking about whatever came up!

[@HassanRaashid]

We need more ADHD tangents with just you two!

[@buters1112]

Wow. I don’t know who these people went to for these horrific stories after lasik surgery that y’all have mentioned. But, like anything medical, who you go to makes all the difference. I’m an RN and I had lasik done back in 2002 in Fullerton, CA. The specialist was also the head of the ophthalmology school. He was an eye surgeon who specialized in eye surgery on neonatal babies. He was consulted on the protocols for the surgery using Bausch and Lomb’s equipment. Meaning, the technology companies contributing to the advancement of eye surgeries sought him out for his guidance. I had ZERO pain and had FULL vision the same day. I used a regimen of eye drops for a period of time afterwards. No complications at all. My vision was so bad that I wore glasses in the shower and the doctor said my prescription was right at the cusp of not being treatable with lasik. Here I am, more than 20 years later with perfect vision to this day. Remember, in medicine, for any specialty, one is not considered an “expert” until after a minimum of 15 years of consistent practice and further education. Never play with your vision based on discounts or super affordable packages. Sometimes people really get what they pay for and this is something you want to seek the expertise of someone whose career speaks volumes.

[@ryyaannn_]

i really feel y’all about the not “having” to do things/wear things that don’t make you happy. i started wearing makeup when i went out a few years ago, and i’ve gotten pretty good at eye looks and now i feel naked without them when i go out cause it gives me so much confidence, even though it’s not normal in society

[@nailinthefashion]

That was me with blue jeans. They're too masc for my taste and once I got a couple skirts and fun shaped pants it complimented my makeup more from my perspective lol

[@musicftw711]

I was reading a Book that had a study in it that says lesbian brains mirror a bit like straight men’s and gay men brains mirror slightly towards straight women’s. So, it would make sense that lesbian ADHD people would reflect more typical men ADHD symptoms 🤷 i love that this was brought up! Edit: this was one of my favorite uncensored episodes. I loved these conversations!

[@pingidjit]

Big time applause on Rachels comment about consent bathing suit vs underwear and the whole "oh its just me relax". Totally agree!

[@ethibbs7189]

I'm not done yet but I feel like this episode is so important and just...right

[@melrox8809]

That's what I tell my kids to make sure they have everything they want in life & if they want kids to make sure you & ur partner are ready.

[@randyc9818]

Thank you for explaining consent in an easy way for people to understand.

[@imjuliewaters]

The tangents and never getting to the topic. 🤣 I loved this episode. And I went to an elementary school and a high school like Rachel did here in California (in Manteca), but I have also lived in Michigan, Kentucky, and Ohio where we did not have outdoor hallway schools so it was such a weird change.

[@rush_amanda]

Same, I went to HS in California and then moved to Houston where it was all indoors. Definitely a big difference!!

[@saraholson8849]

I could listen to you guys talk for hours! Feels like we're just hanging out together. Sometimes it's good to not have a plan.

[@nicolegraber8871]

Blaze had the best little puppy dream during the podcast 🥹

[@alyciamckaba3402]

I came here just to note that (and I appreciate I'm not the only one) because I feel it's a universal rule to bring it up when an animal is clearly dreaming with the little paw movements.

[@laurenseidel]

And Emily was clearly so distracted by it

[@tinamurray8015]

You're both beautiful souls inside & out, I love the conversations you have with anyone on your shows, so real...

[@louistaylor5258]

33:53 as someone from the uk listening to Emily’s high school experience is mind blowing to me like wtf 😮

[@jasperfinch9]

personally as a trans guy, the whole not feeling "emotionally comfy" thing is so exactly how it feels

[@tinamurray8015]

Forgive me for asking & I'm not being or wanting to be insensitive towards you. But is there any reason why you feel that way for me to honestly understand? I mean I have the utmost respect for you or anyone who is trans, gay, bi, lesbian, pan etc. You're who you are & to me that's all that matters, as long as your or anyone with owning there sexuality is content & happy within yourself 🙂💖

[@sandysutton2684]

loved this chit chat and discussions on life ect, great episode

[@KenBrownJr73]

The Basement Yard - the aren't brothers, just childhood friends.. Joe Santagato and Frank Alverez.

[@Djimenez_]

I love their podcast!!

[@TurtleRainbow]

Hey just wanted ro let you know that Molly is just blind, she is not legally blind because legally blind would mean she could she a lot more then she can. Basically legally blind means you can not drive a car. Also sorry if the came across as rude just wanted to let you know.❤ ps love your podcast ❤

[@TurtleRainbow]

Edit only 10% of blind people see complete darkness.

[@ireallyreallyhategoogle]

@@TurtleRainbow You can actually edit your comment.

[@TurtleRainbow]

@@ireallyreallyhategoogle thank you I did not know this. Thanks!

[@virginialigon706]

Hi

[@jenwalmsely]

THE DOG JUST HAVING THE BEST NAP EVER

[@steffaniee838]

Emily calling out us military wives for having lots of kids 😂😂 I’m dead because it’s soo true 😂

[@ireallyreallyhategoogle]

Got to make that next generation of soldiers for the government to throw away.

[@rubyrose3553]

Blind person here, we know when to stop wiping because there’s a certain feeling when everything is gone, you can feel through the paper because it is not heavy and feels like The wait of normal paper with nothing on it. We also instinctually know where our body parts are so when bringing our hand to whatever part it’s just as simple as anyone else💩

[@Sky._.broadband]

But what about near the end of wiping where its just small stains, there wouldn't be any weight difference there right? Unless there is and I'm just not tuned to it.

[@rubyrose3553]

@@Sky._.broadband I keep wiping, even after I can’t feel anything, and even if there’s small stuff or whatever I can usually feel it

[@Sky._.broadband]

@@rubyrose3553 woah that's super interesting, thank you for being comfortable enough to educate people on this kinda stuff

[@whita-db9zw]

how are you typing knowing what you're saying? With perfect grammar and punctuation?

[@kirsty735]

Haha one of my favourite podcast's from you two!!

[@victoriacamara9845]

The best people to describe colors to a blind person are people with synesthesia. Bc they can explain it through sounds or smells

[@thomasmontella6481]

Great subject matter it’s cool that you two get along! ❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@kelseycarroll7745]

Rachel, look into serotonin syndrome with meds....ive always struggled with pain meds and other types.... then during 2020 started an antidepressant...and it almost killed me...just something to be aware of....I now have to be given different meds to go under if I'm getting surgery

[@EscapeReality94]

"Birds of a feather flock together" It reminds me of last night when my bf never heard of dead as a door nail lmao which led me down a rabbit hole of where these phrases came from. 😅 back in the 1300s nails were such a hot commodity that people would actually burn down buildings just to retrieve the nails. But doors were built in such a way that that nails were unusable. (The nails were dead) Birds of a feather has been used as early as 380BC. It is more literal as in the birds of the same breed stick together. (Being with their own kind) I love researching! 😅

[@tiacoyle9279]

This might be silly but I got an appointment with a PCP for Monday, I have been on a waitlist for the last 4 months and had 3-4 more to wait. What a lovely service

[@xlaurenxsmithx]

So there are studies where they correlate hormone levels and sexuality. In college I was a participant in a study on gender sexuality and hormone levels and finger length. Very cool stuff!

[@EmiBeth0614]

Yay! The girls are back!

[@rjcraftcreatives]

Psychology ... Developmental Co-ordination Disorder Dyspraxia is a developmental condition that affects motor movement and coordination. It's widely misunderstood and often misdiagnosed as ADHD. Dyspraxia can also be referred to as DCD or developmental coordination disorder. Dyspraxia often co-occurs with ADHD, but the two conditions are separate. They do come in hand I have both

[@De_voreaux]

I can't speak for all men, but growing up, oversexualising women was never a topic amongst other men that was discussed. Especially during puberty, there was never a conversation to not view women that way. So most men's (mine included) hormones moved about with reckless abandon. Shortly after high school, I had to unlearn oversexualizing women on my own, and that was one of first things I started to question about what men thought of women. It is truly alarming how little education we have towards women. Also alarming how much misogyny there is in so many aspects of life. I truly appreciate this podcast because it has helped me understand women better in many aspects and I have learned so much from this show and ATI. Thank you Rachel and Emily for helping me learn things I didn't know before 🤎

[@brooketaber]

Just FYI I got Lasik from a non holistic doctor and they do not give pain meds for Lasik. I worked for an eye doctor and the blood vessels in your eyes are so small that pain meds can't even travel through so they don't even work for eye pain. You have to use numbing drops but those aren't good to use for a long time. Also, Lasik was not bad. I got REALLY bad dry eye cuz I have chronic unending allergies, so the dry eye took longer to heal than normal LOL

[@MsRak19]

Legally Blind and Blind are two different things. Molly Burke is Blind. She's not almost blind or kind of blind, she is blind. She also has some light and shadow perception as many blind people do. I learned all of this from Molly's channel. She'd be an AWESOME guest and/or collaborator. She's brilliant.

[@AmandaStarks]

My thing with clothes is that I feel like I’m wearing a costume when I’m dressed in business professional clothes, and dresses I can only wear when I’m in a very specific mood. So I feel the discomfort you’re talking about.

[@cynthiasierra6630]

I had PRK surgery in 2014 because the top layer of my eyes was too thin, but the surgery overall was not painful at all. I was just given valium and Tylenol pm, went in for the surgery, which took less than 10 mins, and went home and slept for a few hours and woke up like nothing with no pain. I paid 4.5k at the time. I don't regret it, but my eyes are super dry all the time because they were dry naturally before and surgery just made it worse.

[@sarahbreen9907]

maybe my favorite uncensored ever! 🎉❤

[@ceciliagonzalez5623]

I cant express how much i love this video lol

[@HassanRaashid]

45:28 Emily, girl do whatever the heck you want! You're actually so stunning it makes me sad for those who don't compliment you properly!

[@tamarawalker2350]

PRK was AMAZING!!!!! but i was back in glasses about 13 or 14 yearsa ago.

[@ashleyy.bubbless]

36:50 the sigh at the same time😂😂😂😂

[@bethrunkle76]

They were talking about their high school experience. I have a story about a "bomb" in my high school. My school was three floor and has a separate Gym building. I was in my typing/ computers class right before lunch when there was an announcement that everyone had to stay in their class rooms, from our window on the third floor we could see big groups of students going over to the gym building , then our teacher got a call it was our turn to walk over, once inside the gym we heard rumors that someone saw what looked like a bomb in one of the bathrooms. The bomb squad was called and they ended up blowing it apart with water but we got a half day so they could look to make sure that was the only one.

[@pinklori13]

I literally just had this conversation with my mom how do you find out if a child is colorblind all their life you are telling them the color blue is blue but they see "green" then they think their green is blue and their blue is green its crazy

[@Ginny-ju4qg]

Because they can't tell the difference between colours (usually red and green), so they tend to get them mixed up

[@LalalasKoise]

Yeah, there are many types of color blindness but, in my experience, people can usually tell some colors are "darker" than others - so instead of not knowing one is blue and one is green, they learn that what they perceive as lighter is blue and the darker is green (for example). This is usually recognizable when kids are in school, because they will group objects/crayons a certain way and you'll start noticing a pattern, like them grouping the browns with the oranges, or the greens with the reds, etc. They often don't seem very secure in activities such as coloring because they usually ask the adults "is this the orange pencil?", and justify it by saying the colors are too similar or that the room is "too dark to see", for example! So they might know something is up, even if they can't explain why. Obviously this is just my very limited experience and there are MANY different cases!

[@alyssalitwiller7885]

Glad to see you back Rachel!

[@leonidasreviews2912]

Look at Rachel fact checking things!!

[@jillianwalker2349]

Emily I'm with you. I'm 32 and just now finding out that all high schools are not like you described. I went to school in Baltimore City and drugs and guns and knives were pretty normal.

[@Ambersworld720]

Emily, joe and Frank from the basement yard aren't brothers just been lifelong best friends

[@pinklori13]

My daughter was medicated for a month(ADHD ) i couldn't i felt so bad she looked like a zombie.

[@tamaraplimak]

❤

[@mandaavis799]

Rachel, I’m with you on the not feeling right on meds. I was on Zoloft and was told my complaints were because I was depressed and needed more. I ended up having to get a new doc. Oh an ambien makes me cry unless I only take a 4th of one. Meds are wild.

[@Caffeinated.Christy]

went to a small town high school kinda like rachels but was in tulare county like central cali. all classrooms were indoors but we did have a quad too and everything not class was outside

[@Coco12769]

I love them doing these

[@EscapeReality94]

Since you got ADHD brain i did the research for you! 😂 joey and frankie are NOT brothers. But they are as close as family. They grew up within 10 blocks of each other as kids.

[@ChapstickLicorice]

Masc presenting lesbian with naturally elevated test levels here. Pretty sure mine has been elevated since childhood 🤷🏻‍♀️ just here to support your theory!

[@kace4725]

i feel the exact same way about dresses!

[@QUEEN_PLANET]

at the time around four minutes when you guys were talking about ADHD and came up with the thought that ADHD is correlated to being gay and straight, I came up with the thought that since I'm bi and suspect that I might have a type of ADHD where I'm both spacey and energetic that that could be like the correlation to bisexuality. Just a thought.

[@gracelarmee]

I'm bi but like women more and have the combined hyperactivity-inattentive type as well

[@notstraightunathleticcarro3089]

About Molly Burke, shes talked about this alot, but "blind" is legally blind (200/20) vision to seeing nothing. Molly describes her blindness as "blind with light percetption", not "blind but she can still see stuff". Im not blind, this is just what I have heard from her videos but obviously if a blind person or Molly Burke herself says Im wrong, im wrong.

[@jenniferd6406]

Yea she has light perception! She even enjoyed the fireworks for the 4th because she could see the light

[@ireallyreallyhategoogle]

My cousin went blind because her field of vision shrank to the point that now she says it's like she's looking through a tiny little hole. There are different kinds of blind and legally blind.

[@FuriousDinosaur123]

Rachel went to the highschool in Twilight- I always wondered why their highschool was mostly outside

[@imgaydealwithit420]

at my highschool we have medal detectors at every entrance, drug dogs come once or maybe twice a week, you have to get out of the class, the walk the dogs past you and then go into the classroom and sniff our bags. we have 10-15 security guards. we have 2 resource officers. the dogs will sit in the hallway while switching classes. i completely understand what emily is saying, i also live in virginia

[@Skyy818]

i liked this one. Shoulda just made a part2 (x

[@dawnlowe9524]

I think that you and Emily are beautiful inside and out, Adhd is real and you j7st have to own it

[@PatrickPoet]

it's not _two_ birds of a feather, it's just _birds of a feather flock together._

[@Kevin5262]

Your husband BRETT made me LOLOL

[@beckylouisesmith9216]

Some people need to read the room🤣 'can i kiss your cheek?' Probably not she likes the🐱🤣

[@tamaraplimak]

AMEN, to Rachel talking about what it's like to have big boobs!! 😄🙏 🎉 Kudos to you for being so aware of that and talking about it. 👏❤

[@elizabethbuckelew9314]

Molly Burke is amazing!

[@sunmeowlody]

I second this! I just bought a Molly Burke sweater on Poshmark yesterday lol

[@JackieKay_Plays]

So I live and grew on the east coast much like Emily. We had a working jail not but 20ft across the street from my school up until it closed when I was in 3rd grade

[@shelbymorrissey975]

Emily, try the 5in inseam shorts for swimming. It will look great!

[@watersk2013]

As a trans person, I think y’all hit it on the head. Like clothes are just clothes but when you’re EMOTIONALLY uncomfortable (and physically but mostly emotionally) it feels SO BAD. And growing up I didn’t have the language to know I was trans so I could never fully explain why I hated wearing “girls’” clothes with every fiber of my being. Like in pictures everyone is like “you look hot” and I’m like “ew no I’m dead inside and I do not wish to be perceived”. Y’all nailed it 🔥

[@ceciliagonzalez5623]

i love this video

[@crystalmcdowell8734]

lasik is not that bad!!! it takes 2 min each eye.. and the after care is putting drops in every couple hrs for a few days and your done. full vision same day! so simple! and that was years ago … best decision ever! the prk sounds awful!

[@MisWheezy]

Loved this!❤

[@just_megan_elle]

Okay but 5 minutes in and I have thoughts 😂 I'm bi and I present in both hyperactive and inattentive ADHD ways so you might be onto something. Maybe there's a correlation

[@bookish_heather]

My mom went to hart highschool in santa clarita in the 70s she and i had way different school experience to my seattle Washington experience lol

[@makaylamoynihan6897]

Omg they mentioned South Dakotas AFB wow

[@melkaye]

Rachel, your views on medication is the same as me 😅 I freak out anytime I take anything other than excedrin but I am a stoner 😭😅

[@killiancantdraw3388]

I heard that blind people might ask how a color might feel like emotionally vs how itd look. Idk if its true

[@CaitW1987]

Oh trust me not all of California is that nice. My partner is from Temecula and his high school sounded a lot like Emily’s experience. They had metal detectors and the whole thing. He said you also had to be in a gang or be protected by one. So him and his group of nerd friends where protected by this large Samoan gang because one of his friend’s brother was in the gang. So they got protected but honestly Santa Barbara is definitely in its own bubble with that stuff.

[@atlastheghost7012]

I always thought Emily was gorgeous, don't see how anyone doesn't.

[@debbieebbiebobebbie]

People with EDS - neurodivergent people - queer people - people with digestive issues - people with musculoskeletal disorders - creatives - hypermobile people - geniuses - trans & nonbinary people - people with anxiety - animal lovers - highly empathetic people: yes, there are documented correlations!

[@ClaireWedgeworth]

*I didn’t know Rachel has ADHD😲*

[@Jiddy12345]

I had forgotten about my high school using drug dogs as well

[@EscapeReality94]

Yay!!! New pod!!!! 😊🎉❤

[@lydiagray]

yay love this podcast 😊❤

[@margaretshannon36]

😩😩😩😩😩I misss Emily

[@ireallyreallyhategoogle]

Blaze is SO comfortable. But Emily, what if you find a nice dress in the "boy" section? Wow, over 57 minutes before the Title of the video comes up. Who names titles the videos? Emily, as a straight man, i can compartmentalize too. My tomboyish cousin, at a party, got all dolled up by one of her friends and came out to show everyone and ask how it looked. I told her that the outfit looked great and really showed off her boobs, but the makeup wasn't very good. Her friend couldn't believe i was talking about my cousin like that, but she didn't care. She knew that by asking me she would get a straight and direct answer, and that's what she wanted. If i am to analyze a girl or woman's appearance, i have to put myself in the right mindset, otherwise i see the whole person, not just the appearance or the details. (I'm not sure if that's clear.) Rachel, i have always considered girls and women as friends first and foremost. Which is probably why i have had many more female friends than girlfriends. One summer job i had, we had to wear uniforms and there was only one changing room for boys and girls, and by changing room, i mean basically a corridor with benches and hooks. I was 16-17 and pretty much everyone was around those age and everyone changed and no one cared. No one had time to look or care because we had to change and start working right away. Emily, virginity does not exist. Life is just a series of firsts. The first time you kiss someone, the first time you hug someone, the first time you cuddle, the first you sleep with someone, the first time you give oral, the first time you receive oral, ... etc.

[@ThatNikoLove]

I agree its more like separating a women from a member in your family..like if my sister is hot, im definitely not looking at her in that way..goes the same with my femme friends.

[@TheSiren666]

When we getting a two hour episode?

[@aprilvinyard1900]

I always feel terrible when i hear bad lasik experiences....i got prk but, they used new technology t to get in my eye. The 2nd day felt irritated but, that was it😮

[@Sammi-tube]

We have metal detectors and drug raises where I come from and well.

[@rjcraftcreatives]

It could be dyspraxia? It to do with balance and coordination and

[@rjcraftcreatives]

Psychology ... Developmental Co-ordination Disorder Dyspraxia is a developmental condition that affects motor movement and coordination. It's widely misunderstood and often misdiagnosed as ADHD. Dyspraxia can also be referred to as DCD or developmental coordination disorder. Dyspraxia often co-occurs with ADHD, but the two conditions are separate. They do come in hand I have both

[@nai.the_dragon]

On the subject of the gay gene thing, there's multiple. The SLITRK6 gene is active in the diencephalon (part of the brain), which apparently differs in size between homosexual and heterosexual people. This is not a proven fact. Don't quote me on this.

[@sarahmorea4932]

Wheres da captions?

[@EscapeReality94]

Emily in the cheerleader outfit and rachel in the farm girl outfit....🥵 you BOTH looked fire as hell!!!! ❤❤❤ Maybe emily a little more bc ya girl has always had a thing for cheerleaders! 😅 But jokes aside you are both equally beautiful! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ drop dead gorgeous!!!

[@embro2.0]

I also feel wrong in dresses.

[@daniel.lennon]

1) Joe *Santagato* and Frank *Alvarez* are not brothers lmfao they've been best friends for 30 years. They don't look anything alike 😭 Joey is Italian and Irish and Franky is Columbian, Greek, and I think Egyptian. 2) If you like the basement yard podcast I highly recommend ladies and tangents. They're basically the male and female equivalents of each other it's amazing. 3) I'm queer and trans but was assigned female at birth and have been on testosterone for a year. I have inattentive ADHD - I have 8 out of 9 inattentive traits and maybe 2 or 3 hyperactive. Testosterone didn't make me more hyperactive. In fact, my inattention is actually better now than it used to be so I guess my ADHD symptoms have lessened. I don't think testosterone is necessarily the thing that makes people present differently with ADHD. 🤷🏻‍♂️🤷🏻‍♂️ 4) 48:45 That is kind of what gender dysphoria feels like, except it's not an outfit you can just change out of. It's that feeling but it's my body. I know my body is fine - it's attractive - that has never been the issue. It's just not me. It's not who I am. It just feels wrong. You can put on a suit and feel at home, but I need medical intervention to achieve that same feeling.

[@bookish_heather]

Em you are worthy you are beautiful you have gorgeous hair and you look amazing if your in sweats or in a skimpy outfit. You are beautiful not because of what's on the outside it's because of what's on the inside.

[@ElizabethMcKittrick]

I'm legally blind, vision overall real sucky, I have a condition callled achromatopsia, which makes me completely colorblind. I make my friends try to describe colors to me and its really funny lmao

[@sarah78119]

In the movie, Mask, *1985, with Cher, the character Rocky describes color to a blind girl with stones of different temperature. Cold was blue, red was hot, and so on. I don't remember how much more he explains but it's a great movie if you've never seen it! 😎👊

[@ellamorgan3542]

Is there any possibility that you can make it a video? You and Summer switching clothes I mean. If not that's okay I just think it would be funny