Alpharad tells "the cocaine story"

[@wiiuandmii7619]

"He's Brazilian, he loves Pokemon, he's single..." _"he's new in town..."_

[@pikacookie314]

7:02 for those wondering

[@dallanlopez7089]

Bro I thought of the same thing

[@nobuffer101]

_Imma _*_push_*_ 'em._

[@yanguskhan8513]

lol ahh... funny that these references comes from a known cocaine addict too. maybe not ironic, but poetic.

[@devastatheseeker9967]

And he skateboards

[@zephyr8721]

the first red flag is saying zoro has one of the saddest backstories

[@McBehrer]

Man has watched 2 One Piece arcs and thinks he knows what he's talking about

[@lyndye2027]

i like zoros backstory but it's not really sad it's just kinda sick

[@m05513]

To be honest, I think only Usopp has a happier backstory than Zorro: Luffy - Believes one of his brothers is dead, and then watches his other one get a hole punched through his chest Nami - Her adopted mother is shot in front of her, then she is enslaved for 10 years Sanji - Abused by his father for years. Runs away from home after his mother dies. Almost starves to death only to find the guy with the bigger sack of food actually ate his own leg because he gave all the food to Sanji Chopper - Abused by everyone for his entire life, when someone finally cares for him he accidentally poisons the man. Robin - Everyone she ever knew got murdered in front of her when she was 8, then a huge bounty was put on her head causing her to have trust issues for decades. Franky - His creations were stolen and used to frame his father figure, who was then executed because he used his pardon to save franky instead of himself. Brook - 50 years of floating around as a skeleton, haunted by the memories of his dead crewmates Jinbei - Watching the horrors of slavery against his people, followed by his mentor dying because of oppression (he was shot returning Koala to her parents) combined with being unable to give up his hatred of humanity for what they did to his people.

[@mavstation]

​@@m05513usopp dad left him and his mom died of an illness what do you mean his backstory was happier

[@Darcyu]

@@m05513ace getting donuted was part of luffys story not his backstory.

[@BarrenAcc]

> Meets a cocaine dealer > Lies to him continuously > Promises to go to his party > Comes back the next day > Promises to go to his party AGAIN > Goes back on his promise > Comes back the NEXT DAY after lying to the drug dealer > Continues to go back to shop to look for him *HOW IS THIS MAN NOT DEAD?*

[@malachioom]

Plot armor

[@somescottishlassie891]

He is the protagonist

[@Quarren_Show]

do you think drug dealers kill people?

[@valleyard8674]

​@@Quarren_Showwell, if you don't pay them, it's not impossible

[@MDClips2464]

@@Quarren_Show you wouldn't want to be caught assuming they don't

[@geboaebo]

This is crazy cause it's the cocaine story but it doesn't start like that. So the entire time I'm on the edge of my seat like WHEN DOES THE COCAINE COME INTO THIS?????

[@KirbyCom]

Like halfway through I'm like "this is the craziest story I've ever heard and it hasn't even gotten to the part with cocaine yet"

[@youremeraldstar]

honestly the cocaine was the least shocking part of the story at that point

[@KirbyCom]

@@youremeraldstar I can't believe I can say "Calling it the cocaine story is underselling it"

[@cracarlos_au5757]

chill it snowflame

[@numerousbees12]

​@@cracarlos_au5757. COCAINE FLOWS IN MY SYSTEM

[@alexanderkyle]

I understand Alpharad was telling the story, but I was just waiting for the part where he ends up dead in an alley

[@Sera12105]

at best he was a cokehead but like.. at worst i was lowkey getting trafficker vibes hearing that

[@wyawardclown]

yeah no, everything about the way he talked about and treated women was like...oh no. especially the 'you can get in if you have money, drinks, weed or women, and you have two' part. like, if i'm deliriously optimistic, i could say that's him trying to hook up his friends in misogynistic fashion...but i. highly doubt that tbh.

[@ComicalOrangeVR]

​@@wyawardclown Especially if they had to FLEE THE COUNTRY, like cokes bad, but thats like a hiding away crime Not a FLEEING THE COUNTRY crime, in my opinion

[@Oh_the_humanity]

​​@@ComicalOrangeVR If you're an immigrant, ESPECIALLY a non-citizen, every crime is a fleeing the country crime, LOL. You already have the international connections

[@j_vilo4333]

“At best he was a cokehead” is very funny out of context

[@PLUMjoos]

@@ComicalOrangeVR i mean, anything can be a "fleeing the country" crime if you want to avoid the crime enough, but i see what you mean

[@buzzlillac]

"Yeah this guy tried to sell me cocaine. Oh by the way I played Among Us with Jack Black!" JACOB WHAT THE FUCK.

[@masam9700]

alpharad is a living breathing example of "live by the content, die by the content"

[@leaf6134]

Alpha and steveo are 2 ends of a “for content” spectrum

[@illusionaryheart3325]

I love how Alpha gets to the part where the bouncer says "Hey girl..." And all of chat is going: OH NO OHHH NOOOO I like that Alpha has developed the "All my close friends are women sensor"

[@dasamont8274]

It truly is a valuable sensor to have. I usually only need to use it when I go out clubbing with a bunch of my friends, because the quickest and sometimes only way to stop a bothersome guy at a club is with another guy.

[@jajajasputin8927]

As a woman those fellas are the backbone of social safety fr, shout out to y'all

[@CrystalRosebud]

"Ok that must be the end of the story" *checks the time and sees 12 minutes out of 24* "Oh god"

[@unfortunatedisgrace246]

had this several times through out the video 😭

[@defnotnaruto222]

had this at 7 minutes 😭😭😭

[@ashisharky]

DUDE

[@Penningtonac]

Yeah like nothing against Alpha but this was the most just put my fries in the bag bro video…

[@T0NI_]

@@Penningtonac Take a step back and really think about what you're doing at this moment

[@twstingnturning]

"I'm from Nepal" >Goes back to Nepal Oda level of foreshadowing.

[@Rosas_city]

As soon as he said the bouncer called them "females" i instantly went "OH HELL NAH THATS A BLOOD RED FLAG"

[@birdbrain9280]

the cocaine wasn’t???

[@Tofu_Kiki]

@@birdbrain9280that hadn’t come in yet

[@defnotnaruto222]

​@@Tofu_KikiHe mentioned it during the requirements to go to the party (I think)

[@Tofu_Kiki]

@@defnotnaruto222 yeah alpha mentioned that I ment like in the story atm

[@Watburnt]

​@birdbrain9280 In LA that's not the most crazy thing

[@MrDegan2]

Sure this owner/bouncer I've lied too is giving me the ick and making me worry for my friends safety...... but I got to get that zoro figure though

[@Timeddoesstuff]

the "all my friends are women sensor" is real btw i can confirm

[@derpythean-comdoge8608]

if you live in the midwest you have this for both genders, because sexual assault is rampant there.

[@Timeddoesstuff]

@@derpythean-comdoge8608 i have both i just have less dude friends than women friends so its harder to confirm lol

[@OhNoBohNo]

drugs are actually the best case scenario of what could be trafficked here

[@katunu6030]

Jacob seems like someone who would be so much fun to be around because he just has that Yakuza game main character finds a side story energy

[@kittiecandy747]

no fr every moment of this was a yakuza side story that keeps going, and every time you see a new checkpoint and go "wait, its not over?"

[@joe-4]

so glad that jacob does not do story time because "I got sold cocaine" would be a interesting title to see

[@SivillyHoshi]

to be fair, he is by definition a good looking guy

[@coreymartin9630]

Jacob has the self-preservation instincts of a toddler with a fork near a power socket

[@sqwong3947]

listening to this story makes me feel Jacob is the kind of guy who's aura makes people want to come and talk to him, for better or for worse...

[@endmii3912]

He's an irl incensce

[@davidmaxwell4696]

It’s that introvert aura, it draws extroverts in like flies to honey

[@isabellairon8420]

It’s so weird being a person a lot of ppl come up to in public (for me I think it’s cause I wear a lot of bright colours but also cause I’m just generally pretty friendly with strangers) cause like, I just have so many weird stories now with no opportunity to tell a lot of them and a good chunk of them are borderline unbelievable lmao

[@Shadowlily1112]

​@@davidmaxwell4696it's absolutely true. And some of us have that specific wack aura that draws in the crazies. It's why I'm basically a shut-in.

[@Cool-Vest]

I admire Jacob's ability to lie to people just to keep them talking for his own entertainment. This has also deeply depleted my trust in random strangers that I strike up conversations with. Probably not a bad thing.

[@Shadowlily1112]

It's partially for content but he even says the easiest path of action is to just say yes for the most part. Because every time he lied and said yes was him avoiding a potential explosion.

[@tyranisoar7401]

especially since he was talking to a literal drug dealer, turning him down might have been legitimately dangerous

[@Dancing_One-One]

Love that when the guy said 'females' the entire chat went "FEMALES? DEAR GOD NOOOOOOOOOOOO"

[@samarthgautam]

creep? oh no 🥺 FEMALE?! OH NO! 🤬

[@McBehrer]

I legit just kept going "huh? Huh?! HUH?!?!?!" the entire time. That guy was just so fuckin ridiculous I never saw what happened next. 10/10 story, would listen to it for the first time again

[@TheBritishDragong]

21:49 the person in chat saying Jaiden could animate this could honestly not be more right omfg

[@VirtualMarmalade]

today's moral is: lie to strangers - it's funnier that way and there's basically no consequences!

[@astrobard]

"That was me. With the -grits teeth- females."

[@noahpauley]

The fact that I knew that exact anime store from the photo inside is so funny. I can confirm that it’s really fucking sketchy.

[@jay-tbl]

shoutout to him for being so conscious of the safety of his friends

[@ToTeMVG]

i lovve that this guy who owns the store is like "your vibes are cool, imma tell you that my anime store is a money laundering front for my cocaine buisness"

[@squiddler7731]

I'm 10 minutes into this wondering in horror how the fuck cocaine fits into this disaster

[@dingusfighter]

"you just come up with that" is a crazy line in response to "can't live with em can't live without em"

[@user-dd6qc1ek7z]

lmfaooooo that was my comment that asked him to retell the story!!!! hahaha

[@malachioom]

Thank you for your service

[@saprogeist31]

I like how strongly chat reacts to "females" because I've always found that shit really weird

[@gungy_vt]

Insane to look this up after hearing about it mentioned in a Mongy Monday VOD, and see the same Jack Black pic that was shown during that VOD show up in this clip.

[@wyattdarshay8243]

ive heard it mentioned so many times aswell but literally same, was watching the same vod and was like i gotta know what this is about now lmfao

[@dantesdiscoinfernolol]

Real life bard. Bro passed so many charisma checks...

[@Dappis]

Never met a person who says "females" that isn't a massive creep lmao

[@TheiaOfTruth]

This story is a fucking roller coaster

[@moonymoonlight]

22 minutes of jacob going "...unless??" to increasingly unhinged situations for the sake of seeing a story through

[@MjsticCpybr]

Yeah, that was a trafficking thing.

[@Silverlain-25]

100% the "private viewing of the anime figures" gave such bad vibes after everything that happened

[@ShowWithNoName]

Normally when someone says "I've got women" they're talking about sex. When they say "I've got men" they're talking about war.

[@handgun559]

When I say "I have men" I am also talking about sex. And war. The bedroom really isn't safe.

[@noyz-anything]

they're the same thing when i do it

[@youwishyoucouldbestie]

5:30 top tier question "how do you know about this country"

[@ExplodingSteve]

That story is just a conversation with an actual crazy person… but jakob just wants to fly to the sun

[@CenturyBlade]

My man was fortnite dancing at the sun with this story. So many times I'm like HOW CAN THERE BE MORE

[@ash_sunday]

I didn’t think this would be worse than the heroin story

[@IneffableMasquerade]

The what

[@ash_sunday]

@@IneffableMasquerade it was in some episode of How Did We Get Here (podcast he did for a year or two with Coney), one of the early ones im pretty sure

[@orangesilver8]

@@IneffableMasquerade In a Mongy Monday I heard the very short version of the heroin story which was something like, "Sometimes, when you grew up sheltered and you're 16 and your friends offer you weed, you say yes, and it isn't actually weed."

[@monovalkyrie2271]

@@ash_sunday do you know where to find that episode anywhere or was it deleted

[@ash_sunday]

@ it’s one of the podcast episodes, they’re all up on Spotify still but I can’t for the life of me remember which episode it was. One of the early ones tho

[@RatOfTheWoods]

This man is willing to risk his life for the bit/a good story

[@pageoflife-413]

the vibes of this story remind me of the time i was taking the subway home late at night and a guy offered me a high five. in my mind, all i thought was "aw sick, a free no strings attached high five". we high five, i take like one step, and the guy says, "hey man, you wanna score some yayo?". in the moment, all i manage to think is "gee, i wanna get home and go to bed" but what i say is "aww no thanks man, I'm all good" before getting on the next train. belatedly, on my ride back, i check my dying phone because it occurs to me - what even is yayo anyways? one google search later: cocaine. it's a nickname for cocaine and i didn’t even realize or intuit i was being offered drugs until minutes after the fact.

[@cullenlatham2366]

yeah, alpha. only those 3 options. Not the secret fourth option where the dealer was high as a kite after the party from the night before and siphoning his own stock... XD

[@BirdThatEatsPrometheussLiver]

That’s the addict option

[@PokeRedstone]

I’m 7:30 in and the cocaine story has yet to feature cocaine. I am terrified.

[@stupidheadwisp]

10:03 WE'RE JUST GONNA GLOSS OVER THAT???

[@orangesilver8]

This is the only video I can find of it and it's really messy kzbin.info/www/bejne/aYHaYX9urbmDf6M But yeah he got to play Among Us with Jack Black and brought Altrive/Pikmin 4 with him. He's also said that before recording while they were waiting for everybody else to set up he asked Jack Black who his favorite animatronic from FNAF was and it was Springtrap.

[@DreamAngelYt]

And then of course like a few weeks later he posted about Jack Black

[@almostadonovan]

tbh since he lives in L.A. I'm genuinely shocked that this isn’t a common occurrence

[@samt3412]

Idk why but the part where the anime store cokehead is DJing a terrible remix of Sorairo Days is so funny to me

[@Dergburger]

And the wax in this mans wings somehow still not melted? Maniacal. Ludicrous even

[@ItsHayden]

I was there when he originally told the story but even hearing it the 2nd time it felt just as surprising for everything

[@missedthebandwagon976]

"My MAN! You were a beast last night!" "??? I guess I was."

[@913kaixa]

ive never seen a man more skilled in the art of "yes and"ing than Alpha

[@kerbethegodkiller2914]

"I have the "all my close friends are women sensors" are going off" is such a real sentence ngl

[@scrimblocoded]

"I walked into a random store and got offered cocaine" god please grant for me what you do for those who lack desire

[@toopienator]

I firmly believe that the deaIer was trying to date r-word Jaiden and Diana

[@Jackoff_icial]

I would have experienced part one of that story and gone home and mourned the anime store I was NEVER going back to

[@RobbieAudet]

Alpha. This comes from another decent looking, bisexual, Sagittarius male, who only hangs out with his best friends who are girls and is constantly torn between either “this could kill us all” and “how good could this story be.” I must say, bravo. Nah just kiddin mate needed more close calls for which you would’ve felt bad about 2 minutes after evasion. Solid 8/10 keen for the meth story.

[@SkorchRabbitz]

The part at the end confirms Jacob is a magnet for random events like in Rockstar games

[@popsickle_]

HOLY CRAP I WOULD HAVE NEVER CAME BACK TO THAT STORE, AND IF I INTERACTED WITH THE GUY TWICE, I WOULD MOVE.

[@crazyman7615]

I’m 7 minutes in and this is an already insane story and I haven’t gotten to the cocaine part yet

[@PrismPoint]

Every single time I hear a story like this, I feel vindicated in my decision to be a shut-in.

[@Clicxe]

The bold-faced lie of being a One Piece fan and telling someone you’ve NEVER heard of it, all while waiting to enter an ANIME STORE🤣

[@Sugarist0]

As soon as he asked “you like on piece?” Immediate red flag

[@Skybound-wd4pm]

This is the reason Jacob Alpharad is who I want to be when I grow up. The whole “bit-sexual” thing, stories like this, someone who can be so entertaining and charismatic that random strangers will pull him into crap like this, and that you can have people losing their minds and on the edge of their seats with just stories from his life.

[@colossalweeb]

There are people in your life that you will meet that for some reason just attract the weirdest people and interactions. I have a friend like that and I didn't believe him until i started witnessing these interactions first hand when hanging out with him. I feel like Jacob is also one of those people.

[@SkyCloudsStudios]

I think I might be that friend considering I had a whole conversation with a drunk man freshly released from prison two days before Christmas while I was waiting desperately for a train. (He was convicted over attacking his spouse who divorced him over it, he had a beer bottle that was empty and he looked a little crazy)

[@wroughtwithrat]

i felt so relieved when he said "we leave"

[@Signedcentaur]

This has the same energy as Vinny's Cousin's Club

[@carlll7596]

“You were a beast last night” was so fucking amazing

[@AuraOfANobody]

this is perhaps the single most story of ever

[@BeatriceHernandez-up5vi]

“It’s like a one piece arc” the sign it’s gonna be an amazing story

[@Zingyyy09]

Holy shit love this, Jacob really needs to start a story time channel with his story telling skills

[@wreadywred]

In regards to them saying they're not single and the bouncer saying "neither is he" about that guy, I'm guessing he means the guy's in a relationship but he is willing to cheat???? Very weird. Honestly at anime stores and places like that you'll either meet the chillest mfs on earth, or people who spent their whole life min maxxing their creepiness and there's not in-between.

[@RadioactiveBluePlatypus]

I was like "Wow that was a wild story!" And then I realized there still was 14 minutes to the video.

[@darkdecidueye9628]

i reckon Jacob could tell any story and I'll just instantly believe it

[@EnkiPNW]

"you know about Nepal? how?" has me laughing every time i think of it

[@sugarcapart]

BRO IM NOT EVEN HALF WAY THROUGH AND IT KEEPS GETTING WORSE 😭😭😭😭

[@creaturecalledcanyon]

this story had more twist than a hurricane. thank you for your work.

[@Seloliva1015]

Alpharad learned the "yes and" approach to living

[@MrReset94]

It's fun to see not socially awkward peeps getting so weirded out that they cannot compute and find a way to respond.

[@geetee3201]

5:08 NORTH CAROLINA MENTIONED!!!!!!!!! WTF IS A CONSISTENT WEATHEJR PATTERN

[@StaceyLuvsSnom]

Sketchiest sketchy person in the world

[@rockinggamerdude]

16:47 either the dudes high already or there’s a clone

[@SPARKRIZZLE]

this is genuinely one of the most entertaining things i’ve watched in a while

[@claireclearwater-gs9zc]

Jacob alpharad once again showing us his luck is dependant on how funny something is, lives to tell us this mad tale

[@queenie691]

This story was wild start to finish. It has more twists than any rollercoaster someone can make on the sims.

[@chromatica__]

i remember during like a mongy monday or something you mentioned in the chat that you edited this story. i was probably going to look for it but it's cool that i got recommended it

[@malachioom]

Oh I didn’t realize it was getting recommended to people now, that’s awesome

[@thefirephoenix42]

It got pushed to me!​@@malachioom

[@Decidueye1822]

Got recommended to me as well

[@sillyclownlady]

This video made my anxiety spike *several times*

[@njohn043]

"we leave" 11 minutes left

[@wj11jam78]

24:07 "Oh hey, youre in OU too? Yeah, I'm in OU-BL 😎"

[@huggelion]

the biggest HUUUUH story of all time

[@Slenderquil]

The more the story goes on, the louder the HUHs become.

[@Hoodles321]

I’d love to see Alpharad story times on the Jaden animations channel, that’d bring.

[@ARG-ARandomGuy]

I would so watch Alpharad animated story-time in the style of his early challenge runs

[@pentagonyx]

"It's a different fuckin' logo" they look drastically similar, you can't really blame him

[@Tonjit41]

I would've been trying to mess with this guy immediately. no way i'm letting someone make less sense than me "you're a good looking guy" "honestly you too. you'd look great on a cross"

[@biggizmo5771]

The twist and turns keep fucking coming

[@danielrazo450]

Alpharad is a great comediant because he be "yes-anding" any character he meets.

[@TheXMan]

As a guy with mostly female friends, other guys say that I’m a “player” is never not funny to me.

[@OlofPalm3]

This is like the Hunter x Hunter palace invasion arc