5 Habits to Stop Shopping for Your Fantasy Self

[@melaniemcneil407]

Recently I spent a few minutes thinking about how I actually spend my time. I wrote down activities in order of time used, such as home things, exercise (gym and walking/hiking), errands, casual social, dressy social, and special occasion. (No work as I'm retired, and group or committee things would be in casual social.) Then I wrote what types of pieces I like to wear for each of those activities. For instance, for running errands, I like to wear jeans or joggers or shorts with a casual top, or in summer I often wear a casual dress. I did a bit more analysis, including how I want to feel, and what vibe I want to convey, and what colors I want to wear, what proportions do I like... Then I could look at what I actually own and whether or not I have what I need/want to cover those activities. Where not, I could identify specific pieces to buy to fill the gaps. It helped a lot in understanding my frustrations and how to solve them.

[@gailwilliams5278]

That’s very analytical. Were you an engineer? Kidding a little… I haven’t sat down to put my activities on paper, because I know I’m ’upside down’ wardrobe-wise. Too many ‘dressy casual’ items (trousers, skirts, nice sweaters) even though I retired in 2012. But I have adequate yard work and errand clothes, and storage space, so I can keep them for a while longer.

[@melaniemcneil407]

@@gailwilliams5278 not an engineer but I did have an analytical job! Yes, I wish I'd kept some of my "corporate" wear. All those blazers would come in handy now that they're stylish for casual wear. I yearn for my hot pink blazer, especially! 😊

[@stephaniecolant]

I’m definitely a future self shopper and a creative not an analytical person unless it comes to my design work. I’m so excited for this new thought process and impressed with how you achieved it. Thank you for sharing.

[@AlyssaBeltempo]

Thank you for sharing your process, i'm sure it will help so many of us!

[@luciebradley7150]

I am on a path to do this. I have been creating photo look books but i want to categorize them for different activities. I think it really helps with making sure you feel good in what you are wearing each day and not looking into what else I can add or what other ppl have that i should also get.

[@teresamccrone2585]

My problem is that I know the sort of things I want to buy, but they're not available. I hang on to old shabby items because I have difficulty replacing them. There are so many clothes for sale and none of them work for me.

[@JudithBurgess-j1r]

I am 84 years old, my health is good, I love fashion, and I definitely have a fantasy life that I shop for. I really appreciated this video and I’m going to ruminate on it.

[@anaalves3658]

Live out your fantasy 😊.

[@Queensofleisure]

Thx for sharing your experience at 84! Such a blessing! This makes me so excited to know that us girls can still be into fashion & style no matter what age!

[@maryannmcrae5392]

I am 79 I have a fantastic life.I am glad I found this video new way of looking at life. Thank you

[@celiaberdes]

I once went shopping with a lady who was about to turn 100. She wanted an outfit for the party. And she found it! But it took three of us more than an hour to find the right thing. She was vision- and hearing-impaired, so we had to describe everything we found that we thought might work. We did this at a pretty high-end department store that had appropriate things in stock. And the piece she finally decided on was perfect! Hope there’s someone who can help you shop! I was amazed at what we were able to do as a team.

[@Teverell]

I have always wanted to be comfortable in my clothes, and for me, that's more of a casual look, although over the past few years with your help and that of other KZbinrs who talk about style, I have reached and attained a more polished casual wardrobe, with more natural fibres and more luxury materials - I bought a cashmere jumper on eBay as a try-out to see whether it was a fantasy piece or an aspirational piece. It turned out to be an aspirational piece and I have several cashmere jumpers now, so I can wear one almost every day when it's cold. I also found that I like wearing silk scarves, and brooches (having metal in direct contact wit my skin for a length of time causes an eczema flare-up). And someone complimented me this morning, saying that I always look nice and colour coordinated. I'm literally wearing clothing one or two steps above the jeans and T-shirt/sweatshirt look I have had all my life, finding that I now prefer chinos and polo shirts in summer and corduroys and cashmere in winter. So my advice is: Work out what you're wearing now, and if what you want to wear is one or two steps up from that, it's more likely to be aspirational. Going from jeans and T-shirt every day to wearing smart trousers and silk blouses is more likely to be a fantasy (although look at your lifestyle and what you do every day). Also, don't buy black, white, grey, blue and camel just because that seems to be the colours that comprise the majority of capsule wardrobes. I prefer olive and sage greens, beiges, browns, yellow, ivory/cream, tans, camel and rusty orange shades, and focussed on those colours from the very beginning of my style journey.

[@cehand8143]

I love everything about this.

[@prmpatti]

You must be a redhead.

[@AlyssaBeltempo]

THIS ADVICE IS STELLAR! Thank you for sharing xo

[@bethl]

Excellent comment!

[@JBUHJBUH]

​​@@prmpatti Actually I wear these same colours and I have naturally black hair lol (so I also lean on chocolate brown, which was not mentioned). EDIT: No white, black, grey or blue in my wardrobe at all anymore (bar a few key functional pieces, like gym gear).

[@pattyloubryant2840]

Nailed it. My life has changed dramatically in the past 10 years. Corporate trainer with stilettos and fab suits. College instructor in Northern Canada with zero need for suits. Currently a church community worker. I still have my 3 words-fitted, bold and functional. My fantasy/old needs are hard to leave behind. Totally impractical to be in stilettos. But I miss dressing up. Solution? Fabulous lingerie. I know. Just me enjoying it. Thanks Alyssa. Always great insight.

[@AlexLouiseWest]

Great comment.

[@AlyssaBeltempo]

OMG I LOVE THIS. Thanks for sharing :)

[@bcplano]

I miss dressing up for work every day too. I have so many great pieces I just will not get rid of.

[@katrinakuzyszyn-jones1908]

This is fabulous! I have a boho fantasy self that has not fit in with my lifestyle since college. I think I’m going to try your approach by having Boho pajamas! Thank you!!

[@nicoleduhamel1218]

I can so relate to this. Pre Covid I was in an office and I dressed business/business casual. I've been totally remote since March of 2020. My job for the first 2.5 years I was on 7 hours of zoom meetings a day so I still wore fancy tops and suit jackets but with dress pant yoga pant bottoms. Now I can go days without seeing anyone and have zero need to wear fancy tops. Combine that with turning 50 and having my body change so my go to styles are no longer flattering I've been struggling with redefining my style. Working on figuring it out. Nice to know I'm not alone.

[@tereclemmer7923]

I think a lot of us find shopping takes away our boredom and gives us a rewarding rush. I guess it is an addiction. We have to make the effort to find the root causes to face the issue head on to begin working on solutions. Your proposed suggestions are a good beginning. Thank you!

[@AlyssaBeltempo]

It is most certainly an addiction - hard to crack - i'm so glad you find these tips helpful!

[@sparklie962]

I think a huge key to all of this is to develop as much confidence as possible in one's personal aesthetic/style - and acceptance of one's height, silhouette and colouring. Doing so makes it a lot easier to resist the onslaught of messages that say You Must Update Your Wardrobe Right Now. If I'd listened to those messages my closet would be filled with pieces that I wouldn't wear because they just. don't. suit. me. Thank you so much Alyssa for encouraging us to reset our thinking, to focus on self-acceptance and to forge our own style paths!

[@shawnnap59]

Agree! I'm astonished by the number of influencers, who just a few years ago said - don't buy X silhouette as it's generally unflattering - now telling us to buy buy buy it simply because the designers are pumping it out on the runways. We need to stick to our guns and say - nope, never gonna work for *me* and just wait the personally unflattering trends out.

[@AlyssaBeltempo]

Thank you so much for the kind words!

[@anaalves3658]

I don't wear high waisted trousers, I have a short torso, it looks odd and it's uncomfortable 😖. I just have to except that it's not for me.

[@JBUHJBUH]

​@@anaalves3658 Funny because I have a short torso and I *love* high waisted bottoms because they make my legs look a mile long! Just goes to show how personal style really is ...

[@anetthobok6109]

I have a blazer bought years ago for my fantasy self at work - cause everyone should have a blazer, right? And this video made me realize, that I actually hate it. 😄 It's not me, I never wear it, it's not an item of self expression, it's an item of compliance. The signature style tip was very useful for me too, cause now I can be more aware of my go-to looks, and what makes me love them. Thanks for the video!😊

[@cathymeyer9722]

Loved this video. I just spent 30 minutes filling a cart online with items for my fantasy self. I will be going back to delete. So many of your points really applied to me. I have been practicing "retail therapy" for years. However, I am trying to pull myself out of that mind-set with the help of vlogs like yours. Wish me luck and thanks so much for your content. 😊❤

[@AlyssaBeltempo]

Good luck - honoured to be part of your slow fashion journey!

[@amywhiteside4548]

I can totally identify with your comment. I am constantly filling up my online baskets with clothes and then deleting them later on 😮😊

[@jodithecheeselady]

The online shopping cart is a great way to scratch the itch but not get yourself into trouble 😅❤

[@JeanFB16]

I love the idea of going through our closets with emotional durability in mind. As a thought exercise, I wondered which single item in my closet I would save from the proverbial burning building. It ended up being a surprisingly easy choice: a black heavy knit cropped jacket that I purchased many years ago. So the thought exercise was -- *why* was this item The Item? Lots of reasons, from the most mundane (it's warm but not too warm) - to the emotional (it makes me feel great when I wear it) - to the practical (it makes everything and anything I happen to be wearing look polished the instant I put it on). Not every item can be The Item, of course, but it's a great baseline to evaluate all the other items. How close do they come? Are they contenders for the top 10 Items? The top 20? And are these items the basis of a great capsule? It also kinda points out where there are true gaps. Thanks for this video - it really got me thinking!

[@melaniemcneil407]

I like this idea. Not sure I could pick only 1 item of all, but my mind instantly flashed to what dress I would save, for instance. What jeans I would save... What t-shirt, too. That tells me a lot.

[@AlyssaBeltempo]

Those are really insightful comments thank you for sharing!

[@lindatyler4331]

I love that as you have grown and changed through the years your message as stayed the same!

[@AlyssaBeltempo]

Thank you so much I take this comment straight to heart - it means a lot! xx

[@Ingrid0410]

“You can tell alot about yourself by looking at your closet” that made me laugh and cringe at the same time. I have 4 closets filled with 67 years of clothes, shoes, bags yd think I was headed for the looney bin. Working on doing a little editing each day if possible in between taking care of myself, big house And yard, three men, 4 animals, lol. It’s a job!!! Don’t really have a fantasy self yet my bag collection encompasses many different avenues, travel, formal events, or just day to day. I dress by my mood and thats OK. Don’t wear heels or skirts or florals anymore or Id look like a frump, so clearing out those and incorporating more monochrome neutrals. Thx for the great video. I do find inspiration from you young gals with your minimalistic approach👍 what great questions to ponder before we buy an item!!! Will note these, same goes for household items too!👍

[@SylviaKift]

Such good questions to ask myself, Alyssa! I just love shopping at thrift shops. But I’ve ended up with with an overflowing closet of beautiful but way too many clothes! I feel that I need to ask myself some of those questions and then keep them uppermost in my mind when I go back to my favourite charity shops. I need to go through my closet, eliminating those items that don’t answer the questions well. I have often been told, “If you haven’t worn this in a year, discard it.” But this doesn’t work for me because I often go for a year or more without wearing an item and then begin wearing it on regular rotation again. I love clothes and love styling them in all kinds of unexpected ways. Consequently, I find it very difficult to get rid of clothes. If they are well made and of good quality and fabric, my tendency is to keep them now since I have lived to regret giving away so many beautiful pieces in the past.

[@Ingrid0410]

User-ok I can totally relate. I love charity shops here and abroad, a fun pastime but, think before even visiting I am learning, do I have room for anything more? No!!! So Im discovering other pastimes

[@kathysteele3071]

My closet is large (a former bedroom) and overstuffed from fantasy shopping. So, I will need to do sections for my audit! I have slowly, with your help, determined my three words AND my needs. This has helped me decide what to keep when I do try to clean out. I have just started to pause before buying and that is huge. I will now pause AFTER. I have been looking at inspirations or catalogs and AM SHOCKED that I have so many of the pieces already.

[@AlyssaBeltempo]

I love this Kathy - a closet audit in sections is a great idea! So good that you are able to identify clothes you already have from your inspiration:) thank you for being here xox

[@VictoriaJohnson-dg8wb]

Good content. I have an opposite problem- I hate to shop! However the consequences are the same, I don't have a wardrobe that reflects anything about me except what I could find on the fly! Some of what you said would apply to those of us don't spend enough time considering our purchases. Thanks

[@valeriecooper8152]

Oh this is me, my fantasy self has so many lovely things in my wardrobe, my truth is I mainly live in riding and dog walking gear and hardly ever wear “normal” clothes! But I still need them for the odd occasions and holidays I do get dressed up or go away with hubby, family or friends. I am getting better at tidying myself up for the day to day stuff though and crossing my wardrobes so that my nicer jumpers get work for dog walking and horse riding and playing with grandchildren then I feel nice all the time and not like a depressed scarecrow lady! I love the pause rule it’s certainly helped me and I do send lots of stuff back of if I know its not right and only ended up ordering it while fed up lonely and having a glass of wine!

[@ShadowyLady82]

this makes so much sense. I'm 41 now and realize I spent most of my 30's dressing for my fantasy self especially after having my daughter at age 30. At some point i must have changed my habits but never had the right word for it until i watched your video

[@donnaalpert]

Brilliant presentation and so needed. How refreshing to hear a style content creator speak to reality and practicality. The pie chart is such an effective tool in that it’s a visual representation that is eye-opening and harder to ignore than those unacknowledged fantasies swirling around in one’s head. Well done.

[@nikkisue1715]

This was amazing. I need to take some of these tips to ease up on my shopping habits. I am going to go to my closet right now and take a thorough audit. Thanks, Alyssa.

[@alyssa9442]

I love your videos so much!!! I'm sixteen and trying to figure out my style, and they've been really helpful 😁

[@katem3961]

This is what I love about Alyssas videos. They are appropriate for and appeal to all ages. The message is also consistent. I think you will benefit greatly and save a lot of money. I wish I had such positive guidance at 16 😊

[@americafirst9144]

Try to figure out what colors look best on you. You could pay a color consultant, but I imagine that might not be possible at 16. There are videos about determining which "season" you are. I would recommend those. You can go on-line and find your color wheel. Then make a list of which colors you always get compliments on. Go in stores and hold up different colors to your face. I even go find color charts on-line and hold up all the colors to my skin. Your colors might be different than your "favorite colors." Some of those might not work well with your coloring. There might be surprising colors that really look good on you. For clothes you already have that aren't the best colors, add a lighter color with it, stronger makeup or more jewelry to make them work. Good luck!

[@alyssa9442]

@@americafirst9144 Thank you! I'm still not sure exactly what colors look good on me, but those are some really helpful ideas that I will definitely try! 😊

[@AlyssaBeltempo]

Ahhh it's a journey! Enjoy the ride and thank you for being here! :)

[@pauline9933]

I love watching your channel, such great tips as always. I no longer own fantasy items they've all been donated over the last few years. I'm older (57) and a different bodyshape/height (5'2" slight pear shape) to you but I get inspiration from your videos and create my own looks from the ones I like.

[@leakoder9721]

I'm an environmental educator and I think you are - by being a fantastic fashion coach - also a great educator for transitional, sustainable lifestyle in general. Thank you so much for your contribution to the planet. ❤😊🌏

[@annewatkis5824]

Who cares about the environment, women have sooo much to worry about.

[@AlyssaBeltempo]

Thank you so much this is high praiase and I take it to heart! xo

[@leakoder9721]

@@AlyssaBeltempo you are welcome 😊 💚

[@JBUHJBUH]

What a cool job!

[@BeWriteThere]

Love your channel! Not only do I find myself learning a ton, I'm always so relaxed at the end of each video. It feels like a little "ahhhh exhale" - Thank you so much!

[@jackiebrown6577]

I agree with your philosophy of shopping and buying. I do get caught up in trends. Sometimes I shop because I’m bored. Love your channel. ❤

[@SN-hg1ri]

Love your videos. Would you please be able to make a video on how to shop, wear and maintain cashmere? Maintenance of cashmere or any wool is tough as it forms pills.

[@kathysteele3071]

Yes, please

[@mariecurie7491]

My experience, at age 70, is that you get what you pay for. Better one high quality cashmere jumper than 3 of poor quality. I am talking Loro Piana... ouch. Or Falconeri. These will not bobble. They will last for years. After wear, lay out or hang up. Spray with a specialist wool/cashmere spray if you can (but this is not essential). Do not wash too much: as a natural fibre, it will not attract dirt or smells. I can wash mine on a delicates cycle in the machine, with a short spin. But prefer to hand wash fine jumpers. Short spin or roll it up in a bath towel. Dry flat on a microfibre cloth if you can - but I also dry, especially heavy ones, outdoors. Ironing should not be necessary. You can put light jumpers on hangers, but heavy ones are better folded

[@doricetimko5403]

@@mariecurie7491excellent and thoughtful advice. Thank you

[@lisawende5161]

I've been thrift shopping and sometimes something comes up that's very dressy, premier designer and a great price, so, I've purchased it cuz of all the above, get it and realize I won't get all or any use out of it. Learning from that I do what you've suggested, think how you're going to use, that'll stop me. Thanks for the suggestions, appreciate it 🙏 😊

[@AlyssaBeltempo]

I have done this SO often with thrifting and still have to catch myself! I'm so glad you enjoyed the video!

[@CorinnaOnTheRun]

So many wise words. Thank you, Alyssa.

[@michellehidalgo6735]

I am 4’11 and I see you are taller. I still get so much out of your videos. It has helped me dress to my proportions and not dress according to fast fashion. I also now shop in second had stores. You are one of my go tos when I am working out and want to watch a video. Thank you so much.

[@AlyssaBeltempo]

thank you so much for these kind words it means a lot xx

[@lujenniel7812]

You look very pretty in this video. As always, your videos are inspirational and helpful. I really need to shop for my current size, which is 10 years postpartum. I am still holding on to lovely pieces that no longer fit me (and haven't for about 20 years.) They just make me feel bad. There is some sentimental value attached to them as they represent me pre-children and I liked me then. I need to like me now, too.

[@pauline9933]

Why not store them in a lovely box or basket for the memories but don't have them in your everyday wardrobe? Or take photos of them then donate to a favourite charity? I spent 2 years going through my wardrobe and now only have items that fit and I love to wear. It's a lot more casual but it actually suits my lifestyle and I can dress those items up with accessories and nice jackets.

[@jbar234]

I really like the value vs. desire idea, definitely something I will hang onto. We are planning to move to another house soon so I will be thinking of this as I go through all my stuff, not just clothing, as I decide what is coming with me and what is not and can be a blessing for someone else. Thank you for all your content, it really is helpful! ❤

[@Laurenofearth]

Wow, it’s not so often I get to soak in something new and enriching on this subject. Yay for the ‘deep’ self reflection talk! The space before and after the purchase is golden. Nice sponsorship transition and content. Connecting the dopamine rush with the CREATIVITY exercise of ‘shop your closet’ activity… emotional durability of 3D objects 🤯 wow. I am such a wardrobe nerd 🤓 and I truly strive for the value found in life’s processes, rather than the alluring destination. I am so happy to have found your channel. Namaste babe 🙌🏻 keep kicking all of the ass!!!! 😍

[@tanyabooysen3958]

I've become so much more confident and at peace with where I am in my style journey and topics like this adds to a wonderful and exciting lifestyle ❤.

[@tinaberlec8638]

Great tips Alyssa - as always. And I adore my Nordgreen watch. The best purchase in the last few months or even a year ❤

[@Svonryan]

This is valuable information as I embark on a major closet edit. There is so much more to consider than just asking yourself if you’ve worn the item in the last year.

[@MultiDurba]

That is an amazing talk. I visited your channel after a while and I absolutely know why I return here often, it's practical, meaningful, and provides me with some food for thought, especially with questions like, why do we create our fantasy selves in the first place? Thanks Alyssa ❤

[@AlyssaBeltempo]

thank you so much for the kind words and encouragement xox

[@BadSloucher]

This was deep, and really helped me take time to reflect. I do shop for my fantasy self and do a lot of wishful thinking when I purchase things 😅

[@meganmurphy-goldman9783]

Ok, can we talk about that beautiful, rich, mocha colored sweater of yours? I aspire to the life that includes that sweater! Details, please?

[@jodithecheeselady]

I’m just here to say that I love and appreciate everyone’s comments and tips in this style community! How refreshing to be here instead of scrolling on instagram 😅😂❤

[@AlyssaBeltempo]

This community is truly the best! :)

[@susanalsembach6026]

Thanks to all your videos, I’m looking for black sandals for the summer. My old one have literally disintegrated, so I’m taking my time and enjoying the process. I know that I’m looking for flats, black and durable yet cute and versatile. Having so much just looking around.

[@lindsayk40]

I have never heard of this but I totally do it! I am newly single and I have obsessed over ramping up the elegance of my wardrobe. Imagining that I would pull in a classy wealthy man as if it somehow changes me as a person. I have been shopping every weekend and I keep finding things I forgot I bought just last month😐

[@philosophymom5734]

O.M.G.- Probably the best advice I’ve ever received. I’ve been shopping for my fantasy self my whole life, the thinner me, the exotic traveler me, etc. Thank you so much. Recently found you as I was planning my trip for Italy this Sept. Love your videos!

[@gracielachaidez5125]

Great video and message. I love thrifting.. the thrill of the find is addicting. Also love finding new trends there.. reality is i definitely have a fantasy self.. i gave tons of blazers i barely where among other items.. i need to play in my closet more and be intentional with shopping.. sigh is deep.. shopping is definitely a mindless outlet for me avoiding other things that need attention.. wow, powerful video. Thanks for such a profound take on fashion!

[@user-ei8rb7sj6c]

Love your channel’s approach to shopping resale and also new for classics, then shopping our closets for new outfit ideas! Shopping my closet first is fun and I wish I had hours and hours to do it. But, many times, I need to pull an outfit together, including undergarments, shoes, bag, jewelry QUICKLY. I would love to see a real time video of you showing us how you shop your closet & pull a new outfit together there, complete with shoes, bag & jewelry, (rather than from a rack of pre-selected pieces.) It would be so helpful! For over 40 years I have bought clothes primarily from resale shops, with a few new, timeless classics that are still bringing me joy! This type of shopping has allowed me to curate a beautiful, name brand wardrobe with one or two new trendy inexpensive items each season just for fun! My problem: My rental apt has a walk-in closet with built in wire covered shelves & rods in a U-shape. I believe if all or most of my clothes were hanging where I could see them at a glance, it would make putting new outfits together much easier. (Things folded in drawers or even hung on the bottom rod are often overlooked- “out of sight, out of mind”.) As I write this I’m thinking that even though I purged & donated a lot of clothing 2 years ago asking the “does it still bring me joy” question, my only solution is to repeat this process and keep only those items that “still bring me joy” AND fit in my main hanging space so I can see them at a glance. If you have other ideas to keep me from donating things I might regret, please help!! Thank you!!

[@JBUHJBUH]

I'm in a similar situation (tiny rental wardrobe in Hong Kong, where even hanging space is a luxury lol). Here's what works for me: 1) ~ Planning outfits ahead of time (I usually check the weather for the week ahead & pull out some variations accordingly then hang them on the back of my dooe. If it's not used one day (or isn't too dirty), I put the item on the next day's hanger just in case. If I didn't wear it for the week, I either evaluate why or challenge myself to mix it into the following week's planning (taking weather etc into practical consideration). * with all of the following tips below, this process now takes me no more than 5 minutes per outfit! * 2) ~ Hanging *everything* up with my weekly outfits (yes, this includes undies and socks - even jewellery). Your future late self will thank you for it, lol. 3a) ~ Using colour schemes for each level of dressiness (none of the colours are *terrible* paired with a differently dressy level, because of my overall seasonal palette, but this limits myself from having too many outlier colours that make it harder to mix & match. E.g. I don't own burgundy casual items because it's not my best colour but it's abundant in formalwear for some reason... 3b) ~ Dividing up my neutrals VS colours into item categories (not a hard & fast rule, but my bags & shoes are usually more neutral whereas my clothes are normally more colourful - which makes dressing as easy as colour blocking with some topping & tailing. Of course I still have some exceptions to these rules, but those are for the days that I have time to play - like my outfit creation sessions). 4) ~ Improvising my own drawers on top of shelves with shoeboxes (if you know you'll stay in your flat long-term, maybe you could invest in some clear plastic cubbies from Muji instead). This way my clothes aren't flopping about everywhere but I can still clearly see them (you can add labels to the boxes *or* Amazon sells shelf dividers for a similar function without the box wall getting in the way). 5) Keeping the same bag during the week *OR* using an organising insert to switch everything out quickly (no more faffing about by transferring each item individually - just grab the insert and plop it into the new bag!) EDIT: Hope those 5 tips help!

[@user-ei8rb7sj6c]

@@JBUHJBUH TY so much for your thoughtful reply. I’m going to try some of your practices & see if I can stick to them.

[@lesliecarnes8775]

I love coming back to your channel when ever I need to get inspired to edit and define my wardrobe and style. You are so talented and inspirational. Thank you!

[@katec9893]

I have been thinking about my clothes again lately and I thought of you and your 'shop your closet' advice. I've not been in a good place for a while and I have been reflecting on how clothes are a part of how we present to the world, which affects how we carry ourselves and how people perceive and treat us. When I'm feeling low I often realise I'm dressing in a 'survival mode' way and remind myself that it's ok and a positive thing to dress well. Today I gave a big bag of clothes that no longer resonated with me to charity including a cotton navy cardigan that made me feel frumpy despite being comfortable and fairly new. Id definitely be interested if you created a video about how we dress affects our self esteem and how we are perceived, and how different ways of dressing can change how people treat us. I would like to feel more seen and respected so I've been reflecting on how my outfits could help me achieve this.

[@rosabald5]

Brilliant and thought provoking. Thank you for always bringing us content of high quality. ❤

[@CathyHarbidge]

Great video, I will be thinking about the concept of emotional durability!

[@wrendor9465]

You just make good common sense Alyssa 😊❤ Thank you for sharing. Signe mentioned "emotional durability " recently and it resonated with me. Because of influencers like you, I am learning so much about fashion and more.

[@AlyssaBeltempo]

Ahhh thank you so much - happy to be part of your slow fashion journey! xo

[@MargaretShephard]

Thank you Excellent video I am 75 I have a capsule wardrobe that I now love more than ever due to your " 3 words ". I have had a Nordgreen watch for 5 years . Its silver coloured, round white face with a tan leather strap. Love it. I often receive compliments from various age groups.

[@Eb66779]

I love this! My WFH job has me rethinking my buys. Ya I spent $$$ on “ athletic” wear. For work.

[@TampaTodayRealEstate]

Thank you for your insightful comments and ideas once again. Your advice has helped me to change my style a bit and stay true to who I am, especially when it comes to my wardrobe. The pandemic has made me more reflective and conscious about my purchases and reasons for buying them. I appreciate your input and guidance. Thank you again.

[@laurawooten5002]

This concept of Emotional Durability is so fascinating and helpful. I’ve discovered over time that I really enjoy investing in a high quality handbag or wardrobe piece while traveling. That piece winds up having a huge amount of emotional durability because it reminds me of a special experience and I know I supported a local shop in a place I loved. One time we were on a great trip to a favorite city and I hesitated to buy a bag that seemed too expensive. I wound up purchasing a similar but cheaper version online and I just never enjoyed that bag and it quickly lost its appeal. The more expensive bag I originally wanted would have been emotionally durable and had a reasonable cost per use because I would have loved it for years. Lessons learned! Love your insightful content! Thank you!

[@myrnaweinman1695]

I am loving your content. I like how you continually dig deeper into tools for creating a slow fashion lifestyle. I LOVE CLOTHES and I have over indulged forever. Your vid’s are helping me divest, fine tune and consciously cultivate a wardrobe that is manageable, creative and expressive ! Thanks, and keep up the great work.

[@colleencc7]

This was all so well-thought through and well-said. I only found you here on KZbin a couple of months ago and have watched many videos since and all have taught me so much in such a short time and given me a lot to think about! I appreciate all your efforts in putting these together. Hoping for many more!

[@ConserveMore]

You always look so elegant, Alyssa! Thanks for another great video.

[@Itisfinished403]

Great ideas to help us to curb shopping by doing something in your current wardrobe. ❤it 👍🏾

[@stephaniecolant]

I’ve been researching how to organise and manage my clothing in an efficient style manner. This advice has me understand why I have the issues and I can resolve them in an effective way now!! So happy, thank you.

[@AlyssaBeltempo]

I'm so glad it was helpful!

[@virginiahouser1060]

My curiosity was tickled by your concept of Fantasy Self in the title, and I found your presentation thought-provoking. What a fresh way to thinking when choosing clothes! Thank you!

[@carriehodges6566]

Always thoughtful-I always glean something. I have big change to deal with in pairing down my closet -I’m retiring in a couple of months. I don’t really know yet what I’ll want or need. So l’ll be watching and learning 😊

[@medorawyatt5082]

Could you state what brand necklace you are wearing? It's simple, yet elegant.

[@leelewis22]

Deep is good. I like your videos. You pack a lot into a short time. Using the Creative Muscle needs to be celebrated. Thank you .

[@janinepowell7781]

❤ love you videos, grateful that you are here for us all, thank you 🎉

[@valeriejohnson4816]

Great content as always! Would love a whole video on ideas for signature style. 🫶🏽

[@Ingrid0410]

You find your signature style by traveling

[@heatherframpton9693]

Thanks, Alyssa, for yet more helpful content! ❤

[@slowbrewsunday]

Help! Just discovered you and binge watching your videos! Do you have any advice for style when living in a hot country - how do I have some kind of style without being boringly classic or looking too boho? I love a slightly edgy look and feel like I've lost myself! X

[@deborahmichele]

Interesting to think about the difference between aspirational clothes and fantasy clothes. I have a number of items of clothing that look freaking fantastic on me (example: Wide leg linen trousers, a velvet blazer). I love them. But I rarely wear them. Do they fit my life? I mean, it's not like I'm working construction, and I don't have kids. I think there are different reasons I don't wear them, but my biggest issue is saving the clothes that look amazing on me for a special occasion....and I, sadly, don't have many of those anymore.... And also - feeling....maybe a little shy to wear those clothes...? If that makes sense. I do think a bit about, basically being more like Iris Apfel. I mean, you only live once, why shouldn't I wear a feather boa to the grocery store, you know? But will I? (Have you done any videos on "saving your clothes for a special occasion"?)

[@JeanFB16]

Oh yes, wear those clothes! I was the same way - I didn't want to risk something happening to the best clothes if I wore them too much (a stain? a rip?). But it was as if I didn't actually have them anyways, because I never wore them. Today is the best day because it's *real life right now* and today is an excellent day to feel wonderful in your clothes as you grocery shop, go to a salon, run an errand, etc. Do it as a gift to yourself!

[@sigriddjernaes]

I definitely can relate to saving clothes for special occasions. I have started to wear those with some of my go-to items so I don't feel to self conscious when wearing them. Like a dressy silk shirt with my beloved dark grey jeans. I don't know if this could work for you?

[@deborahmichele]

@@sigriddjernaes Thanks for the suggestion; it sounds like a good one!

[@deborahmichele]

@@JeanFB16 Great advice; thank you

[@myrnaweinman1695]

I hear you! Lately I have been gently persuading myself to just wear the fabulous for everyday. I’ll dress it down, but I am wearing them. The special occasion is… I’m here!

[@stephanieadditon7054]

This concept of fantasy self is AMAZING. Totally changed the way I shop now

[@lizbethdane]

Fantastic tips and ones I have not come across! Thanks Alyssa🥰

[@Ingrid0410]

One thing I totally notice about Paris v America is how most women have a signature style and look. In a cute clothing boutique recently I recall 3 saleswomen, one was tall thin dark hair, tailored clothes, another punkish short red hair, another older lady blondish grey with a dog, (loved her style) each unique. We should all aspire to be individual. Theres so much cookie cutter style on YT, ie (trousers, blazer, lilysilk, etc etc) your channel breaks out of that somewhat. Id still like to see more of the Italian style in you going forward.

[@NiritPelled]

This is a good topic to address. Thank you. You look amazing in the video!

[@rhonaklipp]

This worth a re-watch.

[@talktothehandreviews]

Only Alyssa can make me actually enjoy a commercial!! Love those watches!! Amazing and very deep thoughts regarding our style choices! Thanks Alyssa!👠😁👗👢👜👖👙😁😁😁

[@acleonards1179]

Great topic! Exactly what I was doing!

[@TheZeyre]

Truly excellent! My fantasy self is an 18 year old Barbie teenager who is a lot of fun to go WINDOW shopping with. But, no pink sequin purchases for me except for maybe a coin purse or a heart on a keychain. My Fantasy Self gets to play, but very safely. Loved this episode! ❤

[@Drater-yllac]

Play the Sims 4 🧚🏻‍♀️

[@erinatsurround78]

Love this video and great questions. Also - random question, well maybe not, where is that gorgeous couch from. I've been in the market, and I love the size and depth of the one you have. It's a really beautiful piece. And like all your style choices, both for interiors and self, it's beautiful!

[@AlyssaBeltempo]

It's from Article!

[@erinatsurround78]

@@AlyssaBeltempo Nice who knew. I love some of their furniture but have never purchased anything from them. As someone who values quality and craftsmanship, do you feel that is reflected in the sofa? Can you tell I'm shopping for a sofa, :)

[@amysteele1135]

I would love to see a video on undergarments, especially bras, styling tops in the summer can be challenging

[@lesliediamond2925]

I so much enjoy your outlook on fashion and its role in our lives. I always get a lot from your videos. This one was A+. Thank you.

[@dianaserrano2325]

Hi Alysa: have you tried entering your wardrobe in one of those new outfit apps and then let the app select the outfits for you for the week? Maybe do a video on that? Find new ways to wear your clothes?

[@angie5life-is-good]

Please share where you found the navy polka dot blouse. I love it

[@rebeccabelflower7767]

Love your pearl ring and necklace.

[@airstreamer]

These are great, healthy habits. Thank you for fleshing out the Fantasy Self behavior. -Michelle

[@sandrarekker585]

sigh...I just want to be my fantasy self.

[@comealongcomealong4480]

@sandrarekker585 Maybe the people in your life already see you AS your fantasy self (or close)👣

[@teresacarle294]

🥺Wasted too much cash💰 buying for fantasy self. Found it interesting that Alyssa distinguished between our being ASPIRATIONAL (that's rooted in some reality) vs FANTASY (stemming from wishful thinking). Pure ✨️fantasy✨️ for me... ⚜️French Girl Chic💋 •Horizontal stripes are handsome, but enlarge my already big bust😔. •Fussy or overly romantic silky blouses paired w/jeans or traditional trousers. Lovely juxtaposition, but the reality is that I lean in toward more simplicity in my softness & prefer less rigidity/structure in my classic, staple pieces. Plus, prefer skirts over pants. Cropped pants over full length trousers. Long pants, like blazers, have a considerably longer "closet shelf" life vs actual wear in our extreme heat☀️. 👑Princess of Wales. •Brilliant fit & flare fitted coat dressess. Fabulous hats & heels. •Beautifully modern trouser suits. •Elegant English Country Estate Style. •Glorious & glamorous gowns. Must live vicariously through her amazing gear. Ist my lifestyle is far less formal. 2nd climate😎: would roast🥵 in her suits & coats. 🤫Plus, wearing flats is currently required for comfort & walkabilty. ♀️ Ultra Feminine & Floral 🏵Boho 🌼 or 🌸Cottage 💐 Confections〰️particularly those items w/ruffles, tiers, flounces, statement yokes or sleeves. 💖Love 'em all dearly on OTHERS or the HANGERS, but feel absolutely absurd😳 in these styles IRL. 🤔Plus, there's only been a few floral garments that I can tolerate. (Prefer solids, abstracts, vertical stripes, & plaid.) In my history, worn more bolder botanical patterns vs sweet petite prairie florals. ♂️ Ultra Masculine Tailored, Structured, or Rigid Apparel. Love the elegance & lines, esp. of a crisp cotton button up, but they can feel constrictive🙄 for my curvy frame. Prefer more slouchy, softer boyfriend styles juxtaposed w/a slightly body-conforming base. ❤Love a fitted blazer & pencil skirt to suit my extreme hourglass⏳️ shape, but they can feel restrictive😵 once the mercury rises🌡. Prefer silhouettes w/more aeration (like straight or a-line skirt) once it heats up😰. Button ups, gilets, & vests become a light topper & replacement for the classic blazer too. 🥰Adore suits, & using those pieces as separates, but have to keep a cap or limit on those purchases. Strictly rely on a "one in, one out policy" in that category at present. Like coats, my clothing is heavily restricted based on 🌞weather realities😂. 😊Like mixing graphic tees or glamour halterneck tops & slim slip-on sneakers w/those more tailored skirts in Spring/Summer👍. 🧐Once we nail down our three unique Style Words; accept & understand ourselves (body shape, color preferences, & values); & thoroughly evaluate our lifestyle (activities, level of formality, climate, etc.)〰️we will actually finally get ahead of the game🎉. 🤓It doesn't mean we can't incorporate some of those elements from our fantasy self. We just need to make sure the items we select align w/all those other factors. Cheers! 💚Bridget from Cali☘️ (using my pal's YT acct)

[@comealongcomealong4480]

@@teresacarle294 Hi Bridget, thoroughly enjoyed your response to the 'Fantasy Self' reflection from Alyssa. With giggles along the way. Your passion for fashion absolutely shines through!! Have to wonder if you worked in the industry, in some capacity, at some point? I think you'd make a wonderful Stylist. Perhaps you already style your friends and family. (cheers from Kath ✨)

[@barbaraderossi7]

really helpful i never approached a wardrobe in such a logical manner

[@casalist5426]

Thanks for this!

[@christineinhonolulu]

I measure "emotional durability" in my wardrobe by imagining how I'd feel if I was traveling and lost an item of clothing in a piece of lost luggage and wasn't able to replace it; how devastated would I feel? If I wouldn't think twice about it, the item of clothing lacks "emotional durability" and won't stand the test of time. If, however, I find myself stressing and wanting to pack it into my carry-on luggage, it has strong "emotional durability" and will probably continue to be a favorite well into the future. Hopefully this framing approach helps someone else! 😀💝

[@muaythaigirl1612]

This is such a good way of thinking about it! I have been debating / struggling with a striped shirt...I bought it second-hand, it fits my style words, and yet I'm not loving it as much as a polka-dot shirt that is in the same colour palette and similar style. If I use the 'lost luggage' concept, I would be heart broken if I lost the polka-dot shirt but I don't feel the same way with the stripe shirt. Lesson here is that perhaps I *thought* I had a wardrobe gap that needed to be filled with a stripe shirt but really it's more of a 'wanting for the sake of wanting.'

[@ranidenkaa2656]

This is so realistic and deep

[@kclo]

For me I tend to buy in spurts right before a big trip or vacation. I want to look great and I think maybe I will need this or I could update that. But really I probably already own everything I need for a long trip abroad.

[@mon_avis2978]

ca: 1:38 "...and while this might be getting really, really deep, don't worry: I'm not going any deeper than that." Good. This is why I came back to your channel.

[@heydreakins]

Such a great video! I have been wrestling with this very concept for the past year. I'm moving soon so I wanted to scale down my closet. I have been working from home for the past 7 years and thought my new career in business would lead me back to the office. No such luck. I know I'm the minority here, but I really enjoyed getting dressed for the office! I was hybrid for a long while during but have been 100% for the last 4 years. So it's more of a 'former self' that's the issue. I've decided to keep my office wear for one more year since I'll be looking for a new position in that time. If I happen to get another wfh position, then away most of it will go. I'll be sad but I just can't justify holding on to these things much longer. Also they take up space😐. Good luck everyone!❤

[@LeahJohnson-k8y]

I find myself buying items because they are on deep discount. I think it's okay to purchase because it's inexpensive, regardless of whether I have something quite similar in my close. Not sure if others play the same "mind game" to add some legitimacy to a purchase. I lost a lot of weight seven years ago, and have held onto so many pieces worrying that I would regain the weight. While I have given away many things over the past years, I finally cleaned out most of these clothes last month. I retired two years ago, so it was a relief to shed my work wardrobe (most of it too large anyway) and I also culled my shoe collection by getting rid of my stilettos and any other uncomfortable shoes I was keeping for some reason. I am getting better at online shopping by making myself wait until a few days before hitting the buy button; many times I realize I didn't really want the item and find myself deleting most of the time. Just like Alyssa suggested! I feel like I return items 75% of the time, a realization that has helped me be a bit more judicious.

[@freudeinsleben]

Alyssa, I'd really enjoy if you made a video about your eating habits. How do you manage to stay so slim?

[@greeneyedmimibostian3013]

68 is my current reality. I will wear a crown everyday.

[@laraveal6968]

Ooh yes! I always wear cream monochrome! Casual and chic🤍

[@IvonArias-pb3be]

I loved what are you featuring m, my curent inspiration has being Selma Blair ( an actress dealing with her MS life. And I have the same life from 10 years, leaving my ups and downs in this experience. I've follow those persons that, due ro her nediical situation, still look gorgeous... And I lerarned to deal with courage and pride, that I'm a godess ❤ And also I pick tops and botoms ramdonly, to styled them @ the next family/socialy gather these coming holidays. And I deal with this lifstyle fine. Happy to see you.. hugs for you and your peopke Alyssa... And hugs for Apollo😼

[@lauriekruhoeffer3952]

I love that notion of ‘giving yourself some space around a purchase’. I started doing exactly what you recommended: playing with my purchase to see how it fits in with the rest of my wardrobe and how best to style it with what I already have. It makes me appreciate my purchase so much more and has gives me a blueprint on what things I need that go with it especially when I have to go to somewhere unexpectedly.

[@denisemc607]

Cool channel! ❤ anyone know what brand are these lovely white jeans pls? I like this comfy high waist and leg style. It is the hardest to find on a budget and they sell out quick 😂

[@elizabethsmith1803]

I work 12 hour days in an office, over two sites. One I can park on-site, the other involves a mile and a half trudge each way. Either way I am so exhausted on working days I just go to bed- and at weekends I am so desperately lonely.

[@tamimartine8441]

I'm sorry. I have been there. Try to plan just one thing to do each weekend. Go to places where there are people independently doing their thing, like a library.

[@SarahCunningham71]

❤

[@teresacarle294]

🥺Sorry, sweetie. The pandemic & lockdowns has truly impacted the quality of our social interactions & connections. I'm sure your working such long hours adds an extra layer of challenge. 🤔Used to be way more independent, mobile, & active. Now, still recovering from two surgeries on a broken leg (& sprained ankle)🦵while awaiting a third operation. In the old days, I was quite content to go to church, movies, shopping, library, or park by myself. My bestie met friendly folks early Saturday morning at a crowded bagel shop where people liked to linger over their coffee & newspaper. Go to some lively place where you can hang out & people 👁👁watch. If you feel the need, bring a book or a prop (like a crossword puzzle or journal) to keep yourself engaged. Always found interesting people to chat or connect w/when out & about in the world. Know of a woman who moved to LA from the east coast. Her solution to meet new people was to set up a dating profile & join all sorts of online social groups. Never ever thought to do such things myself. She met a beau & other out-going people who liked to dine, cook, & do all sorts of activities like play board games together. You could volunteer a few hours on the weekend as a docent at a local museum. That could put you in position to meet interesting folks from different walks of life. 😉The name of the game is to get out there. Start out small. Test the waters, while you slowly build up your confidence & socializing skills. ✨️Blessings! 💚Bridget from Cali☘️ (using my pal's YT acct)

[@comealongcomealong4480]

@elizabethsmith1803 hi Elizabeth 😊 I'm happy you felt safe here to describe what's happening in your work and personal life. I'm sorry it's such a heavy load right now. You have genuine reasons to feel this level of exhaustion. > Last week I read an article about 'Burnout'. Making the case that Burnout is more than just short term work stress, or pressure to perform. Burnout is the warning signs our bodies give that we're potentially heading for a crash. > What can you do to help Elizabeth right now? 😊 (i) can you negotiate reduced hours with your employer? You'll know that a standard working day is generally 8-10 hours. Is it truly necessary for you to work 20-50% more each day than other workers? Can you fulfill the job criteria in less hours? (ii) any chance that a colleague at the second site can drop you back to your car to save you the walk? (iii) Can I suggest making an appointment with your doctor (maybe a female doctor?) Explain your work schedule, and how you feel at the end of each day, and weekends. It would be normal for your doctor to test iron levels, Vit D, white blood cell count and thyroid function, amongst other blood work. There may be something treatable contributing to how you feel. (iv) When did you last have a vacation? You are not a machine. 🌼 When we're feeling as depleted as you describe, it can be almost too difficult to advocate for some healthy changes in our jobs. I send you strength and care from this beautiful community of women (Alyssa Beltempo channel).

[@Ingrid0410]

Sounds like you need a new job. Life is too short to be under this much pressure. You deserve to be happy🌸

[@annewatkis5824]

I’m now retired. My closet is mostly smart casual or casual. My three words are chic, fun and fitted.

[@judithkirsten2579]

Oh no. Now I feel bad. I have just placed an order with Sezane today. I guess I have to work on my habits. I remember when I was younger and fashion wasn't as huge as it is now, I knew exactly what my style was and I def had my signature style. Now, with all the pretty options to dress and sometimes even contrary styles that appeal to me I can no longer decide what I want my personal style to be like.... We need more content like yours as a constant reminder to stay in reality. And less advertisement 😅

[@bernadettehawes]

Close to my heart.