Am I Giving Up On Christianity?

[@mintyfresh0]

Hi David! I've been a huge fan for a long time and grew up watching your videos. I don't usually comment on videos, but this video really moved me and I felt compelled to reach out. As you mentioned "Culture is what kept me in the religion but I never really sought to find truth". This was also me in highschool. Growing up in a Korean church and Christian household, I mostly enjoyed the community and the friends I made there. In high school, I also hung out with the wrong crowd and went through some really tough times. I ended up going to a retreat just because my Church friends were going, but I didn't expect it to change my life. That retreat is where I truly found my faith, and everything changed for me after that-from my college years to my post-grad life, and it continues to influence me today. There's a common misconception that Christianity is merely a religion, defined by practices similar to other religions. In reality, Christianity goes beyond that; it's about developing a personal relationship with God. When life gets tough, trying to handle everything on your own can often make your struggles worse. I used to think that simply believing in God's existence and trying to be a 'good person' made me a good Christian. Over time, however, I've realized that faith involves more than doing good deeds and believing the Gospel-you need to actively live out your faith. The saying "Walk by Faith, not by Sight" from the Bible means that we should trust in God’s plan for us, even when we can't see what's coming. By really trusting and following that faith, we can get through the hard times with hope. As a great pastor once said, "Your greatest challenge in life is not your discipline, your devotion, your hard work, or your focus. Your greatest challenge in life is truly believing the gospel". Being part of a church, as you mentioned, is indeed great for networking, but its primary purpose goes much deeper. A church community is about surrounding yourself with brothers and sisters in Christ who provide accountability, support during life’s challenges, and encouragement in your darkest moments. Together, you strive towards a closer relationship with God. A church is not just a physical building visited every Sunday; it's a community of believers, united in faith, wherever they may be. I know a lot of korean friends who left Church because they felt that people were fake or insincere. I've been there as well. I too felt that I was a hypocrite in the past and felt that everyone else were as well. But I encourage you to not give up on God because he has never given up on us and never will. Keep trying to find a community that is right for you! Talk to Young Adult pastors that might be able to help you! After many years of trying to find a Church community that I liked, I was finally able to find one through a mutual friend. Now don't get me wrong I'm not perfect haha no one is! I still struggle with being a Christian. It's not easy. I don't like evangelizing because of the fear of being made fun of and hated for it. I don't want to sound like a hypocrite. I completely understood how you felt too when you talked about those who would preach to you about how you should live as a Christian when they themselves don't. What helped me was to find God myself first and not listen to those who preached to me (not including pastors). This took a lot of time, but eventually helped me to not feel anger towards them, but to understand that it's okay if hypocrites try to preach to you. Let them be, because only God can judge them for who they really are. No one is perfect and we're all sinners. You can really tell the difference between a narcissist who likes to preach vs a Christian who genuinely wants to be accountable with you with love and care. Your video spoke to me and I felt a strong urge to share my story and what has helped me at least. God bless you all

[@MiniSimmsProduction]

Well said! ❤

[@kha-nhinguyen627]

It is bitter sweet to hear Genius Brain will come to an end next year. I have genuinely taken so much from your personal insight in regards on family, religion, and my overall outlook on things in my early 20's. Thank you for always sharing and be honest in your realizations/journey. It helps more than you know. :")

[@zubabee]

Wait Genius Brain is ending? Will David continue posting on this channel? Will he stop posting content all together??? Nooooo 😢

[@kha-nhinguyen627]

@@zubabeeAt 37:20 he says he has around a year left of doing this + signed a contract, but will move onto other things after!🎉

[@maivxee]

Nooooo, I will miss genius brain for sure 😢

[@brilissa1]

Praying for you and your family dude

[@airtrek777]

David please don’t end the podcast. We want more jokes from you, pat and nick.

[@raytwin11]

I also went through this battle between faith and religion/community. I grew up in religion, but didn't have a deep faith in God. I had to build my relationship with God in order to build my faith. I had to take accountability for my own relationship with Him. It's something I have to work on everyday.

[@360.Tapestry]

sometimes i have arguments with god, even though i know i'll ultimately lose... it's just one more way he reveals his will to me

[@laterinlife0904]

David, you are on the right track. It is normal to question and have your faith tested. Ultimately, when you set religion aside (religion and Jesus Christ are two very different things), and take your eyes off people, especially those who say that they are Christian (they can be a stumbling block for your walk with God), things become much clearer. I've told my mother to look at people who call themselves Christians; remove that label and look at them like they are just people. They are everyday people. If we pay attention, we can recognize the fruit that people carry without them ever saying one word. So, I say, I understand your plight, I've been through it myself. I hope you find the answers you're looking for.

[@sparky3514]

Well said!!!!! 🙏🩷

[@HelloTruDee]

Amen! It’s your personal relationship with Christ, knowing who he is, and how it transforms your heart. Look at people by their fruits.

[@TimothyJinwooSawyer]

Hey David, I'm very touched by your honesty. I went to church my whole life and the stopped going when I was 16/17. I was convinced I was going to hell because I was unable to live the life that they were preaching about in church. I was in the rave scene, on dating apps, clubbing almost every weekend and i'm not about to snitch online but not a good dude. I'm 29 and God found me this year. I mean I gave everything I have to him. I don't believe i'm perfect now but it's evident to all of my friends and family that some is different. I gave up all substances, porn, masturbation and found the joy I remember in my youth. I was afraid it would go away like it always did but it's been growing stronger. My heart goes out to you David. The lord is pleased with your humility, he's asking for you to trust him again and that's the scariest thing but it's worth everything. My one encouragement is to not judge Christ on the actions of other people. He warns us that many will call on his name in the last days and he will say depart for I never knew you. Question Christ's character and judge your faith on him alone. no one else. much love David, proud of you.

[@manualluhh]

I resonate with this a lot, because I too grew up Christian but never knew Christ and gave up because of the "rules" as well. It took many experiences that were the deepest lows of my life to really trust in Him alone and AS SOON as I did, my life completely transformed so naturally. I have had UNDENIABLE encounters that I thought when I was growing up I would never experience. For example, I thought I will never hear His voice and if I did I wouldn't know if it was Him or not. I never understood what they meant at the church by hearing Him and thought it might just be a lie. But yet, after a HORRIBLE life that I lived, in all types of sin, when I gave my life to Him, I heard Him for the first time. Since then, I have been attacked by the enemy of course because the house that the enemy once dwelled in became empty, but I filled that house with faith and invited my most important guest, Jesus. The more I grew closer to God the more the enemy attacked me but the Holy Spirit filled me with conviction, discernment, and knowledge to see right through the enemies tricks and games. Fighting those battles and overcoming those trials has only introduced the true peace that God gives. Even though this path has its times where it feels too narrow to walk on, it got so much better the more commitment and discipline I put into my relationship with God. I am so grateful for my decision and even though I feel I don't deserve His mercy, I feel back home with my Father.

[@bobbysmith5514]

Don't let poor examples of the faith.... discredit what Jesus Christ did....We are often flawed hypocrites as Christians....BUT JESUS CHRIST WAS NEVER A BAD EXAMPLE OR A HYPOCRITE...So follow Jesus NOT fallen people.

[@VorpalSnickerSnack]

Thanks for Genius Brain and sharing stories, they're relatable and extremely helpful. You're hella rad David! Edit: I lost faith cause the beatings wouldn't stop. Then I meet good people in sound mind who've also of faith and it shifted perspective. I hope more people discover and encounter people like you, cause it can be healing. Thanks for reading my ramblings.

[@LindsayPaige2240]

I love this whole episode 👏🏽Doubt is not the absence of faith. David you might not an official pastor but my dude you are preaching.

[@lenayahoti]

yes! my pastor said something on this last week, he said "doubt is not the absence of faith. it's proof of faith, but it has been directed at the wrong thing." something along those lines.

[@EJordan216]

I grew up in church too but it wasn’t until 2022( I was in my late 20’s) read the Bible for myself & literally MET Jesus in a vision/dream and after that experience I was a changed person. He literally hugged me and I just sobbed from his overwhelming love! I understand what you mean David about the hypocrisy of the church. God has shown me time and time again that he’s the only one I can truly trust and put my faith in. Humans..even myself will fall short and will not measure up to HIM! I pray that you’ll seek Christ with your whole heart and really dive deep into the Living Word(the bible) and allow God to reveal himself to you! I pray that Jesus will meet you right where you are! He loves you so much and he wants you to be close to him! 🙏🏽🤍‭

[@panda-bean]

Thanks for this. Honestly, since 2010s watching your videos/podcasts I definitely feel your openness and transparency in this. To add on your point on unknown being scary: Being agnostic, one major recurring feeling was PAIN in not having shelter that "God will take care over everyone." When I transitioned to not having that sureness, I saw the state of the world as, "is what it is." It made me feel responsible for all the knowledge of the negative things and was like a huge weight. This turned my thoughts from: - "At least those suffering and dying have Heaven to look forward on." to: - "I don't know what they will have, they may or may not have anything for them in the end" That was extremely devestating to me, but with therapy and meditation its slowly turning into energy for real action. Pope Francis said something along the lines of "Do not act as a Christian when thinking of those globally suffering, act like the athiests who believe there is no one else there to save them."

[@Admiring]

I used to love church. I always went with my family, but unfortunately, my dad developed severe mental illness. My dad was a lovely man.... when he was on his medication. We kept going to church. However, the church started to preach that he did not need his meds. He just needed to believe harder in God. This unfortunately led to a ton of issues and events that led to my father offing himself. Since then, I have had a very hard time believing in religion. I do believe in God, and I live fairly as well as I can, but it ruined churches for me. I have gone to a few new ones, hoping to rekindle my passion. However, all the local ones around me seem to be cash grabs that put on the facade of being a church.

[@brilissa1]

Dang man, that's sad. I hope you find a better church that's not unaware/ignorant of mental illness. Ill keep u n mu prayers

[@ShelbieMua]

It’s hard because you have to keep in mind that some people are just bad or go overboard no matter who they believe in. God gave us humans who have the talent and knowledge to heal those in need. It’s crazy to pray for healing but ignore the gift given to heal. At that point Im sure even God is frustrated. People shouldn’t be involved in your relationship with Him, but unfortunately that’s how many of us start off and sometimes it’s not in a good environment. I’m sorry to hear this happened to you. I hope no matter what you continue to choose in life that it leads to safety and happiness for you always.

[@johnnkurunziza5012]

Im so sorry brother! I couldn't imagine the emotional turmoil you had to endure, please hang tight you dont have to start at a church just get into scripture and pray if you're still willing therein lies the answers to your questions. If you seek God earnestly he will surely provide you the answers you are seeking.

[@jasonthor9340]

"Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater." I've been church hurt and it sent me down a spiral also, however, I think the thing we all face is not whether God is real or not, but rather, do we want to continue having faith due to what's happened to us. We unintentionally blame God for the pain, suffering, and hardships even when Jesus promised it would happen to those who believe in Him. Even when we deny Him, our hearts always have this tiny little thing that tells us there's more to this life, if it were not so we would not LIVE it. I pray you find a church to get connected with, and don't worry about the cash grab. You don't have to put money in, but if you do, whether they use it for evil or not, you know where your heart lies in the giving.

[@Finessoisseur]

Pray earnestly to God. I also grew up Christian, and wrestled with my faith during highschool. I was extremely broken at the time and for many years felt worthless. I decided to cry out to God for restoration, partially as a last resort, and also because I wanted to see whether what I "believed" growing up was real. I cried out to God for years, but largely nothing, until eventually one day the Lord heard and answered my prayer through a vivid experience I remember to this day, immediately closing all doubt. I had an intense experience of His Love, and I pray you will come to realize His Love for you one day as well Matthew 7:8 "For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

[@jancuq2585]

I'm fucking broke but fortunate to have a friend group who's constantly looking for Jesus. We all have people in our lives whose hypocrisy hurts our hearts (daily), but when we get together, God always proves that we're on the right path. So I guess finding your people is in the bucket list? It's been a huge blessing for me

[@QueenNellyb]

Thank you for the honesty! I have seen for years people go into ministry for so many reasons. It’s so that they don’t have a true understanding of the role, and it’s really sad how people can get hurt because of that lack of understanding. I learned this year that I’m only 37, I haven’t known God that long, I don’t have a lot of the answers but I will try to get to know God for the rest of it.

[@OhSoPana]

David, I've been following you since I was a teen. As someone who grew up in church, served in church and had family members who even went to seminary, you are so real for this. Questioning why we do what we do was often frowned upon in my household and my church community. But doing so revealed how much I longed to be seen and acknowledged - more than wanting to learn how to walk with Jesus. I'm working out my faith everyday and seeing this really lifted my spirits reminding me that I'm not alone. Thanks for making this video.

[@hannahkim8026]

Just saw this...I will pray for you sir. I also grew up in a korean church, but as you said it was never thought of that it was always a choice attend.i recently went back to church after 20 plus years...and then one answer I was told is that God is simple. I pray that you will seek his words.

[@hannahkim8026]

" to attend"

[@gavinchan2672]

Great video, David, went through the exact same thing in the Chinese church. A lot of what you said about the Korean church, especially the social pressure to attend and contribute and serve, is prevalent in the Chinese church today. Maybe it's the Asian culture of respecting your parents and not rocking the boat, but that culture mixed with the free bending of Scripture to align to an "ideal" lifestyle has pushed a lot of us second generation immigrants away from the faith. That said, I am definitely one of the ones that you mentioned in the video that had to hit rock bottom in my faith and life to start trying to find the truth of God and my relationship with Him. I'm still on that journey but just wanted to say how similar your path was to mine - I would say that the search never ends but I'm really glad to hear that you're still pushing towards the truth of who God is.

[@aquakitty00]

Your honesty is refreshing. God actually used this talk to convict me a lot. I say I believe and I think I do but oftentimes my actions don’t line up. It seems easier to submit to the world than to submit to God sometimes. So you calling it out as “bullshit” (which is accurate) is refreshing because nobody in the church would actually say that to me and instead use Christianese. But you’re totally right that if we claim to be followers of Christ we must truly act like it. Not to earn salvation or a way into heaven, because we can’t, but if we truly do believe (have a saving faith) then there will be fruit. Like the friend you mentioned at the end. Thanks David, I’ll be praying for you. Jesus is working through you and in you more than you may think.

[@diddylimm]

Thank you for sharing David, I always love listening to your insight. I remember watching you on KZbin so many years ago, but I never knew you were a Believer. I just wanted to say, faith is a long journey with ups and downs. There’s this quote along the lines of “some people think the farthest distance in the world is the 12,000 miles between the north and south pole, but really it’s the 18 inches from your head to your heart because your mind knows what is true but it takes a lifetime for your heart to believe it to be true”. I’m so encouraged to hear about your journey and I hope you always know God loves you and is seeking you!

[@wildph0enix]

Much like you, I grew up in church. I started straying away when I was in college. I was so immersed in myself that I didn’t care about anything else. God found me again this year and I am slowly building my relationship with Him again. It’s not easy to get rid of habits I am so used to, but God changes me day by day. I will pray for you, that God reveals Himself to you in a way where those questions that used to plague you won’t be seen as a problem anymore, but more like a thirst to know God more.

[@TheMidnightPhilosopher]

Thanks for sharing, David! I grew up Catholic and am still attending Church, but since the recent passing of my dad, I've really had to confront some of my own doubts and cognitive dissonance. Most of this process has been very private because it would be a huge family tragedy if I outed myself as a doubter. Peace and love to everyone on this difficult journey! ✌️

[@sjappiyah4071]

“ I’m not Christian but I’m constantly searching for Christ “ DAMN…that’s real & vulnerable as hell david. Been following you for more than a decade. Love how you always shared your journey with us. Had a similar experience to you, grew up in an African religious home, dad was an elder, moved out at 18 for Uni . Had to also make a decision if this was real to me or just my parents faith. For me apologetics and church history really gave me a rich understanding of why we believe what we claim and that it wasn’t just based on people’s actions. I’d definitely recommend looking into apologetics and the historicity of Jesus, God bless you David

[@eman_mollytheratliffs4235]

Really enjoyed this talk man! I’m my personal walk with Christ I don’t remember a day that I was not at church. I’m still growing in my relationship everyday to this day.

[@loljk529]

Hey David, been following on and off for many years now. Loved this podcast and your openness to share your own journey! I came to the faith in college, so I had to approach it from an analytical perspective from the start since investigating faith was my approach to searching for the truth. These struggles with faith and hypocrisy are crucial to developing a strong, solid foundation for yourself and your self-awareness over it all is extremely important. God always said there would be followers who are only doing it to look good or feel good, but your awareness of that sets you apart from them. I love what you said at the end about needing to look for reasons why God is in your life instead of why He isn't. Keep searching for truth!

[@cyadaze]

as a korean american who grew up christian, i can relate completely. to question christianity is to question our identity, foundation, and security in who we are, and its incredibly scary. but i am on a journey of figuring it out too, and really appreciate you talking about this topic.

[@pinkteddy21]

So early to this one!! Clicked immediately not only bc its David So content, but bc the video title is EXTREMELY relateable. I grew up in a strict Korean Christian family. In fact, my mom is a missionary, so I'm an MK (missionary kid). I also enjoy studying and learning about other religions. I believe it's as integral to global cultures as is food and people. I also believe that there is always something we can learn from one another (including different religions). With that being said, I've learned in my life that I love religion, I just hate people. Specifically, people who misuse or misconstrue religion in a way that harms the diversity of humanity or spreads any degree or microcosm of hate/negativity. Glad to hear your perspective and peel back some more layers on this topic! Thanks, David!

[@trwst2718]

Hey David, I appreciate your honesty with your thoughts and experience living alone and asking yourself why you follow God. I had a similar experience living by myself briefly. I hit a wall in my faith spiritually and felt distant from God even when I was going to church. I came to a different answer when I was searching for the truth and asked myself that is ( I grew up Protestant, similar to you I would assume by what your saying ). I’m currently a catechumen in The Orthodox Church now and don’t plan on going back. My family is still Protestant but we get along so it’s no problem. I’ll pray for you and I hope that you continue asking yourself those big important questions about God . Take care.

[@SwanRia]

love the honesty. appreciate you big time. first time commenting, gotta say, been following u since 2012. your channel helped me feel at home while struggling my way adapting to the korean culture. support your journey with Christ big time. had to let u know there are good ones like us too. much love n support

[@WtfReal]

Bro talking about Johnny Chang? Tell us how how you really feel

[@ReinaP80]

Wow. I truly appreciate this conversation. I grew up in church, also wanted to be a Youth Pastor/ and I was in ministry. And you’re right people really mess things up. I love God, I want to follow Christ, it is hella hard to do so. I’ve come to be so annoyed by people who go to church and call themselves Christians (not all). I also think the word Christian has been ruined. Your video has cause me to question. If I’m being honest to also repent of my past mindsets. Repent of making this about me and my feelings. I’m sure I’ll have more thoughts but I just wanted to thank you. I’m going to share this video with people I know who are in a similar space and whom I have permission to have these conversations with. Thank you and I’m praying for us as we continue to struggle through this. I believe it’s worth the fight.

[@MrBlaxican18]

It’s beautiful to hear that dawg. One thing for sure it is a struggle. It’s supposed to be easy but because of our nature it’s so hard. As someone that grew up in Christianity it felt more second nature but I wasn’t knowledgeable. There’s people I’d talk to that would ask questions that I honestly didn’t have any answers for and it made me feel kinda powerless in helping because what can I actually do as someone who really is just “talking”. At some point I started to run away from God, not like I didn’t want anything to do with Him but I wanted to do things that weren’t related to Him at all. But it’s like living a life contrary to how my initial heart felt, did everything except make me feel complete. It’s like a bunch of dirt sacks being piled on you, each time you do something that hurts you, there’s another weight. At some point that weight makes you buckle then you gotta do all this stuff to make yourself feel ok. The only and for the first time I haven’t felt prejudged, like I gotta live up to an expectation, and I could really feel my heart healing even if it may seem slow is with nurturing my relationship with God. That doesn’t mean I’m perfect but I’m trying and then what I learn can help others too because this world ain’t perfect but the Word can do a lot to make it a little lighter for anyone. I really appreciate you sharing this, and I pray that your transparency leads others to wanting to know more about God as well

[@dannychan4803]

Hey David, I’m Daniel I been watching you for a while and damn man what you were speaking about I can relate in terms of growing up in a religious household and just believing in god because you were told to. When you really think about we believed in god but we don’t really know why and the actual teachings of god it was more a good feeling we liked having. I myself never really questioned anything or made the effort to seek out the truth which I’m on the journey to do right now as well to follow in gods path. Good luck

[@nicholasmak4032]

Hey David! Been watching you for over 15 years it feels! I come from a nonchristian family and experienced God for the first time when i was 14 when i realized how broken I was at a church retreat that I signed up for because my friends invited me. I didnt understand God for the longest time but i think something clicked in me when i was 18 about the greatest commandment, which is to love God with your heart soul and mind. I think that was the first step for me at least in realizing that I needed to Love God, but what does that mean? I think it meant to Thank God in every situation, and to talk to him as well as listen to him by reading the word. I think reading the word just a little a day can help in figuring out doubt and answering questions. God will reveal his way and I am thankful that you were vulnerable with where you are at today. I've known God for at least half my life, but im still learning more and growing. Everyone has their own paths and journeys, and im sure you will find clarity if you keep going down it. Huge fan and I hope for your success!

[@manuristic]

damn im early early!! another solo pod ❤️‍🔥 LGI, Let's Get It, Let's Gooo! 🔥💪🏿

[@pusheenpandaa]

I totally get everything you said in this video. As a person who's name is literally Christian, it is rough so I feel you. I've grown up as a Christian all my life but I had encountered some of the same issues as yourself with people truly being Sunday Christians. When it hit me greatly, I happened to be in a season where I was prioritizing many other things as well, so I told myself "these aren't people I'd feel confident having a reliable fellowship with, who'd walk with and support me in my walk with God" so I left and didn't attend Church for a good 1.5-2 years. I never thought of myself any less of a Christian, just a Christian who had yet to find a Church. In those years I still prayed and did what I could in being faithful but never felt a great draw to be at Church. Towards the end of this period, I was finishing up Junior College (just right before applying to University) and I flunked my major exams. And the day of these results I laid in the middle of my school soccer field as it rained and I asked God "what now?" (dramatic? yeah probably) and I heard a still voice invite me to trust Him and specifically to find a Church to serve. I then decided to take it seriously to want to know, see and hear God, and with His words to me, to find a Church to serve Him. This led to a year's worth of Church hopping with clear stipulations on how I'd know where He was leading me (attending church alone, no attending with friends, prayer pre and post service, the list goes on). Eventually I found myself at my present church as I felt a great sense of peace being there, and I've been there for 5, going on 6 years. In these last 5+ years God has encountered me in so many ways I wouldn't have anticipated nor would have expected myself to (from leading youth groups to heading a prayer room for young adults to worship leading and etc.). Things that I've grown to know regarding how honest and upfront I can be with God in my disappointments, my frustrations, my sense of loss. Of these things I can confidently say that while I've stopped looking for God at various times and moments in my life, God has never stopped seeking me. Occasionally, I do ask myself how I view the situation of my previous church, its culture and values, and how I should have/could have stayed at my last church. Frankly i still don't have a clear answer on these details, but the one thing i find as much comfort in as much as I also find overwhelming, is that God's will be done regardless of what I've decided to do, foolish or wise. And to the full degree, what others might decide to do as well, whether faithful and representative of Christ, or the complete opposite. And the comfort and joy in this idea is that God had chosen us to partner Him in the various ways He has made us, in the places he has put us in, and in His time that He has established for us. Is it still a pain point to observe hypocrisy and human foolishness? of course. But i look to it that I have been foolish, and in the Grace God extended to a fool like me that He used me mightily, I too ought to offer an extension of this grace that God may edify, enable and empower these persons to be who God wants them to be, and not just the person i see or know them to be at the present moment. It does and will take a lot of time for me to still ponder over some of these matters and how I view others in the Church, but what I've been asked to be faithful in is not in the behaviors of beliefs of others, rather that of my own and that I bring these things into greater alignment with Christ each moment that I still live and breathe under His Grace, all the more as I see the day approaching.

[@monicad7222]

Thanks for your insights and vulnerability David, keep seeking truth. Matthew 7:7-8. God sees your heart

[@ElayneBulosan]

I questioned my faith a lot last year. A lot of my "faith" was centered around a lot of church trauma and going based off emotions. I left church for a few years too because of depression but also because of the hypocrisy. I say you should surrender everything to God, and make room for Him to move. Don't try to do it in your own strength. I encourage you to go with your wife to talk to your friend that represents Christ so well. Question everything. It wasn't until this year that I started making faith my own, rather than having it centered around emotions and trauma. Praying for you brother.

[@BetterWithBennett]

Raw heartfelt transparency, thank you for this gift David. Christianity is hard (++understatement), it can feel like a moment to moment struggle. Having been in and out of church I've resonated with alot of this video. Challenging yourself for the points for and against christianity is so so important. In the end of the video you mention trying to find supports for faith. Surround yourself with those people that God has placed in your life. Although the bible will always be the source (2 peter, romans 6-8), resources about the defence of the christian faith were very important to me (Lee Strobel's "Case for Christ".)

[@freddie-roberts]

Never heard of you, but you popped up on my main page. I respect you for putting out such a vulnerable video! I hope that you will see that you can trust Christ and His Grace and recognize that while we still live in our flesh, we will never be fully like Christ. The Bible teaches that those who put their faith in Christ become the dwelling place of the Holy Spirit. Our spirit is saved. But our flesh is not and still has its evil desires. But one day, we will rise and be given new bodies that will sin no more. God's love and grace for us is hard to grasp, because we are not worthy of it. But He offers it anyway. I'll pray for you brother!

[@SimonLee-tq4gv]

Psalm 118:8 says, "It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man".

[@khraou-ls]

[It is Thanksgiving morning] I viewed this on the day it was posted and my thoughts are too jumbled for a simple comment. I cannot ever speak for God or for you, but your vulnerable testimony so far evokes a yearning for truth, and God is truth and more than that-He is the living truth that loves you to the point of going to the cross for you. This morning I was moved to reread the letter of James in the new testament, to meditate upon it, repent, and pray through it (I cried). It is very brief and I recommend it. I hope and pray you are able to take joy today in all the good things the Lord has placed in your life and to be with loved ones. May you be held dearly in His provident hand, brother. His love is for you.

[@howie7805]

Hey David, thank you for your honesty, vulnerability, and for letting us into your world. Like you, I am also a PK, grew up in the Corean immigrant church, and really resonate with your experience. There's so much beauty and love in the Corean immigrant church, the ways that the community came together to support each other was one of the most foundational things I inherited and it still does a work in me today. And also, the hypocrisy and terrible shit that happened/still happening breaks my heart and always causes me to pause and reassess things. The tension between staying on the lonely road of figuring out what you believe & falling back into what is comfortable is so real, that's something I hold as well. I got my MDiv, been in ministry for 10+ years, and I find myself in a similar place as you. I still identify as Christian, but definitely have a lot of issues with the traditions and the all the bullshit. All that to say, I hear you brother and I hope you know that you're not alone on the journey.

[@sampakpak]

I think the problem is that people think being a Christian is obeying Gods word to a tee and not fall short because if you do, everyone will think you are a hypocrite. And especially for you, for someone who is in a certain position of influence, people will see what you are doing and of course judge you if you are doing “not Christian like things” But being a Christian is literally being imperfect. Messing up all the time, falling, failing. And that’s why Christ has died for us. Because God knows we are going to fuck up so many times. We are going to fall short every single time. But knowing that there is Jesus who will save us every time, and you knowing that this is what you believe, you can definitely call yourself a Christian. Saying, I need you God, I can’t do anything in this world without you

[@ajstephens4019]

I do appreciate the honest conversation here. I think its always good to question God and wrestle with him and his word. When it comes to certain things like hypocrisy from Christians, i struggle with that too. One thing I will say though is is that there is grace. God has grace on us every day and we need to have grace on others. I personally have tattoos and will continue to get more. I actually get a lot of tattoos based on faith 1. to show others that someone who looks like me with a lot of tattoos can still love Jesus with all their heart and whatever is on my skin does not necessarily define who I am, but it does tell a story. Someone who can have tattoos from their past can still come to Christ later in life as well and be forgiven for their past, but tattoos is not something God is judging us for per say. I also get tattoos of faith to have a conversation about my faith and give people and opportunity to ask questions and hear the stories I have connected to my tattoos. Also with your comment on overweight people who are pastors, you have to realize that some people are born that way and struggle with that. We all have our own struggles and are born with different things so to consider someone not a true Christian for that or not treating their body as a temple is using that verse out of context and taken in more literal sense than I believe needs to be taken. Sometimes we need to hear their story or get more context from verses to really judge or figure out why people are the way they are. At the end of the day we are all flawed and thankfully God's grace is renewed every morning. I wish you well on your journey my friend and I hope this helps.

[@mind_palace]

The amount of thoughtfulness and mindfullness you show is enough to show just how much you care that you chose to distance yourself and actually choose to question everything. That stuff is hard. I feel like I'm in the same position too, I'm muslim and visibly muslim as a woman and every day it got me questioning certain things. Not the stereotypical things but stuff like hell/heaven, morality, fate as well. And as much as it is difficult to sit in the discomfort, it also felt freeing, less shame, less guilt, and actually choosing to do and believe what makes sense. Also, the religious trauma came mostly from my mother who would use it to control me. Things that don't even exist, like you shouldn't have those dutch friends, you aren't allowed to move out, classical music is sin etc.😅 But it made me depressed, and still does, having to be someone else inside the house, and being someone else one step outside of your family's house. Never being able to be yourself fully, never being able to really speak your mind, because to them you're considered an atheist, even though it makes me even more in tune with spirituality because there is a constant questioning and openness for the first time. And it's so much more deeper than that, it's healing too. There's less judgement towards myself and others, it feels lighter. As a last thought, being the 3rd gen, it's because of the generation I'm in, having a fluent understanding of both cultures and languages, that I get to actually choose not to be part of this, and not to be dependent on the community, previous generations didn't have a choice, and I'm glad we do get the choice.

[@MsYoshiGreen]

I grew up watching you on the JK channels. I was an atheist but I always knew you never had personal faith in God. I’m a Christian now and I find this podcast really spot on. The kind of introspection you have is exactly what lead me to Jesus. The way you think about seeking the truth and having answers for why I believe in things is like me. I hope you keep seeking truth. The Lord sees your heart and will meet you where you’re at. I think recognizing the difference between cultural Christianity and personal relationship with Jesus is key. Jesus does show up when we seek Him. I didn’t want blind faith and prayed for so long for God to show me truth in a way that I couldn’t doubt anymore. And He did. I had a really difficult time with fear and doubt. Over a year I prayed to God about my doubts and fears. One day I prayed in the shower and when I got out, I knocked my devotional on the floor while changing. I always looked for signs but nothing ever held firm to me. I doubted that it was a sign but saved the page just in case. I didn’t want to be disappointed. I read just a section but set it aside to look at it later. But I had a small feeling inside I should look at my second devotional and turn to the page I was supposed to read that day. It was the exact same passage as in the one that fell open. It was about Hezekiah leading his people to battle but they were afraid. He told them not be afraid because God went before them to fight their battles. In that moment I KNEW God spoke to me. I just knew it and broke down with tears of joy. It was a deep knowing and tangible presence of God. It was more real than anything I felt. God answered two prayers at once. He calmed my fear by directly telling me not to fear. And He showed me a supernatural sign that He truly existed and it wasn’t anything by my power that conjured up that experience. It’s not the only supernatural experience that pointed me to God. God has showed up for me during my time of seeking. It took me about 2 years to fully commit my life to Jesus and live a life of genuine repentance. I’ve gone through the apologetics because I did want a logical reason to believe. I completely fell in love with God. His presence is so real and it completely fills me with everything I need to feel okay. Everyone’s journey is different and I know the deep pain it can bring to search for answers with nothing to show for it. I will say that People are not perfect. That’s the whole reason we need Jesus. That’s the fundamental to the faith. I think the very thing that pulls you away is the very thing that can strengthen your faith. Seeing the sin in people and their unfaithfulness, makes the case for Jesus. We need Him. We’re all broken and messed up, yet He loves us no matter how many times we mess up. The level of grace He has for us is unimaginable to us because we naturally dont have that level of grace for ourselves or others. People shouldn’t be your basis for believing in God. God is the only one who is the same and consistent. We are imperfect and our faith in Jesus is why we’re able to be in relationship with God. Jesus overcame the sin of the world. Don’t let others hypocrisies take you away from Jesus. He’s the only one who is the same through the ages. He’s our salvation and hope. He came to save us. Don’t let the creation be your standard for faith because the creation needs Jesus. Look to the savior instead of the world. It’s like going to a hospital and expecting the patients to help you. Were the patients and the Lord is our doctor.

[@lifewithcharis]

I’m so glad you’re dedicated to finding Christ. Don’t lose heart. Jeremiah 29:13 reminds us that you WILL find Him when you seek with all of your heart. Fellow PK here and I’ve had my fair share of struggle with hypocrisy, doubting, and judgment.. but I encourage you to ask God to reveal Himself to you. Talking to others is good, but talking to God and asking Him to reveal Himself to you, is SO important. People aren’t perfect.. that’s why we need God. Christians are still people who aren’t perfect, but that’s again, why we need God. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and keep asking questions!!

[@lifewithcharis]

To talk a little more about my PK past, the imperfections of my dad actually helped me wrap my head around the whole hypocrisy struggle. When I was in middle school and high school, my parents started having a lot more arguments to the point my dad would leave home and not return til the next morning. My mom suspected he was having an affair but he’d always deny it. I had a hard time seeing eye to eye with my dad but I would pray that God would help me learn to love my dad. I wasn’t allowed to talk to any of my friends about my family issues since he was in a level of authority at church. Looking back, hiding sin is probably one of the worst things to do. Bringing it to light exposes it.. as uncomfortable and gross as it is, it’s necessary to shine light on it in order to clean it up. A few years go by and God actually orchestrated me to live with my dad for my entire undergrad (4.5 years) in a city far away from everyone I knew. I was forced to “become friends” with my dad and eventually we started going on father-daughter dates. It wasn’t until after university that my older brothers forced him to come out to my mom and myself that he was in a 14-year long affair. *digest that for a sec* lol .. I wanted to hate him so much. But God answered my high school prayer of teaching me to love my dad despite how much it tore our family apart. I asked God to help me forgive my dad and as an adult when I later struggled with addictions.. to drugs and to sex.. I realized just how HARD it is to fully recover from a sex addiction, which is what my dad had. I knew that I was FAR from perfect and I knew my dad was too. Thank GOD for His mercy and grace towards us. Only by the grace of God was my mom able to forgive my dad and they’re currently serving together in couples ministry with more precautions in place to protect their marriage. Only by the grace of God was I also able to forgive my dad. I would’ve hated him had I not known Jesus. I also wanted to touch on the topic of spiritual friendships. For SO long I’ve also desired godly women that would actually live out their faith that I could grow alongside with. There was a time I became close with some girls that were Christians that would talk horribly behind my back and allowed their insecurities to fuel their interactions with me.. and it was BAD. Only later did I realize again that they’re humans like me that also need Jesus. To the friends that make you think “God is real”, hold on to them. The goal is not to become more like them, but more like Jesus. Looking forward to hearing how God shows Himself to you on how He DOES exist :)

[@abowlofsangria3412]

For me, my journey with religion has been rather bumpy. I went to church a lot as a kid and a teen until I started to go to college. I stopped going because, by then, I felt like I wasn't doing/being good enough of a Christian and failing to do all of the things that would make someone the technical Christian. With that mindset, I basically thought "Why waste God's time if I'm not going change?" While trying to reconcile with that, there were times when my family would make impromptu trips to Sunday church and it always felt like I doing parallel play. I can see other people worship and feel that energy around me, but it wasn't *within* me, you know? After feeling like this for years, I still wanted a relationship with God so I decided to go a different route with how I practice. I had a lot of good moments in the church, but as of right now, how I used to do stuff isn't working out and it make me feel worse. I hope to go back to church someday, just not right now.

[@pausesiponder]

I know you said you thought you were gonna be a pastor, but from this, this is what pastors ought to emulate. Humility and openness. You have been shepherding a group of people in hindsight who feel comfortable with you and can trust you because of your honesty. And you grow with them. Thank you for sharing and I pray that the Lord will continue to use you David! I’ve been watching you since I was 14. Im 25 now, grew up in the church, but it wasn’t until I left my house where I’m just now experiencing “freedom” of finding truth. But I’m grateful, because the Bible is so much deeper in real time. It was then too, but with less distraction, but with that, it becomes more challenging, but that’s what building faith is. So keep at it. And don’t be distracted. The Lord is and has been with you.

[@pausesiponder]

I think the word you’re looking for in all this is “mourning”. You’re fighting for truth and many have miscued or changed it to be way against what God intended. I know God honors that about you. He mourns with you. Cries with you. Loved this video!!!

[@chrisburdios5778]

Hey David, been a fan for years and I admire your honesty, but most of all, your openness and vulnerability. I can relate to you 100% I have a lot of compassion for you and I’d love to connect and just have a talk with you and answer any questions you may have regarding everything spoken in this episode. Hope to reach out and talk soon!

[@Wendy-jq8il]

Hi David. Thank you so much for sharing your raw and honest feelings. This is why I tune into your channel because of how raw, unfiltered, relatable, and honest you are. I was not born into Christianity. I am married to one and had to convert to Christianity. When I say had, I was forced to convert. I saw people who held positions with power and dwelled in it not because they were a believer. The treatment that I had with people who held those positions treated me terribly, not only because I was non Christian who slowly converted over, but because I am was a married woman. The elders, mostly women, had crazy high expectations for married women. The judgement when I chose to not baptize my children was crazy! The reasons as to why I chose that is for another time. The hypocrisy is real in a church setting. The judgement and jealousy is all too real too. I have felt blinded sided, jealous, angry, alone, and bitter. Two decades later, I found myself so drained, physically and mentally. The churches expectations and my in laws expectations of me were the vampire drainers of my life. I spiraled out of control and did not know who I was. I was depressed during those times in church. Now, I can finally breathe and see what the church is. I fell in a crack of these expectations and trapped myself. It took such a long time to recover and finally be ok with where I am at. I don't consider myself Christian anymore. I find myself questioning what it means to be a christian though, another rabbit hole I fell into. Haha. I find myself searching for god and trying to renew my faith. I found out too late that it was the people, you bet that included Pastors, who I was surrounded by that made me not want to be apart of the church anymore. Did I mention I was Hmong? lol. Asian churches are just something else. All I know is that the people in that church turned me into someone I didn't want to be. I pulled myself out and so did my husband. We were fed lies. So, here we are, my husband and I, investing in getting to know each other and ourselves more and putting our little family first. We instill in god's morals and values at home because we do still believe in doing good deeds. I feel more empathetic towards my husband though because this was his entire life and it shook him down. The people who we thought were our family at church, turned out to be strangers to us in the end. Thanks for sharing your experience to everyday people like us and try to connect. Thanks for listening to my two cents.

[@leastselfawarepotassium]

People have really put me off from organised religion as I got older. I know there’s a variety of people just like with any community but it seems like there’s so many loud, judgemental jerks around. Not to mention how common it is to manipulate the words of the Bible to justify people’s own hatred.

[@OceansBane]

Agreed. I have folks who verbally threatened me for not going to church. If that’s what it’s coming down to, then it ain’t worth it. 32:20

[@leastselfawarepotassium]

@@OceansBane yeah I feel like some people are really missing the point.

[@OceansBane]

@@leastselfawarepotassium some people are not held to the same standards as others. The folks who threatened me have siblings who don’t even prioritize going to church. So, how are you threatening a non-member for not going to church, (it makes sense for them not going, we are not MEMBERS), but not holding your siblings(the actual members of said church) to the same standards for not attending? The hypocrisy is real.

[@christopherjones3366]

I grew up in church, similar experience to yours where I believed and attended church growing up but when I moved out and had to make that choice on my own it was much harder to attend. I resonated a lot with your experience so I'll skip repeating it but my mindset is that even though the hypocrisy of others and myself is killing my faith inside, I truly believe that there is something in Christianity thats real. So I am trying to search for answers and get to a place where I can say I am a Christian because I have found the answers myself and lived it, and not from piggybacking off of others' experiences. I'm failing a lot, but I'll see where it goes. I'll keep you and Ryan in my prayers fam so that our spiritual journies can lead to somewhere fullfilling and enlightened.

[@lalainaramarivelo]

Christianity is real because of its claim (that God in Jesus came and died for our sins because He loves us despite of who we are, Not because of our performance as disappointing they could be, and that he raised on the third). The claim of Christianity rises and dies on whether Jesus beat death or not. Please read the Apostle's Creed.

[@jamiqua33]

I was in this place 2 years ago, but for me instead of seeing I walked away from God. I knew who he was but I ignored him. The start of journey for me was someone questioning my faith and I had no answer for what I believed. It wasn’t until I hit rock bottom mentally that I came back to Christ. But even on that return I questioned everything I learned and worked to find my faith for myself. I realized my relationship with God was only dependent on family. So I took time with me, my Bible, God, and good discipleship. I spent nights writing letters crying to God, weeping in bed, and after I started to give more of myself to him I realized life without my faith was pointless. Now I can say I’m pretty strong in my faith but it definitely is a daily growth process but not even close to perfect. To this day unless I read it in the Bible or you can tell me where it is with proper context I it question until I’m given revelation. Through this mindset it has helped me grow in my faith and trust God more. This is not a bad place to be, it’s truly the beginning of understanding your faith and why you believe. It’s better to recognize it now than live in a constant state of not really knowing what you believe.

[@brucewayne0001]

I actually really appreciated this episode and it's given me some stuff to think about and I am grateful for that. I'd honestly like to have more conversations with you. I don't tend to think about certain things too deep cause it worries me, but after watching some of your solo episodes it makes me want to try harder and learn more for myself

[@Kishimyu]

I stopped going to church when I was around 13. One half of my family is still Christian and they are the absolute worse people I know. I used to think Christians were all good people. I stopped going when I realized that the bible was written by men, and preached by men, and these people are just as broken, if not more than me. Now being in my 30's I am glad I did. Corruption can and WILL happen anywhere. Bad, misguided people can be found anywhere. I had been shamed for not being religious but it never bothered me. I instead focused on just being a decent person and being kind to people. I think the majority of people are SO WEAK because they'll attack you over what you believe in. Whether this be your religion, your political stance, your skin color, ethnicity, sports team, etc. You are absolutely right David! You have to question life for YOURSELF. You can't let other people dictate what you should believe in and shame you for having your own mind. Blindly following others in any aspect in life will definitely ruin you. At least you are able self reflect enough to admit it to yourself and decide to change yourself for the better.

[@funwithwinkle]

Thanks for your raw honesty - I can relate on so many levels. I recommend taking a read through “The Case for Christ”.

[@SO-wy7lh]

Im in my mid 40s now and watching this video is so eerily similar to my own life. I grew up in the church, also left, but also came back. Many, many years of seeking the truth. Realizing the selfish reasons for why you wanted to go into ministry is such a powerful revelation , and there are probably many that became (and still are) pastors for that reason. That you are seeking the truth while being cognizant that it is independent of whether that makes you “feel good” is evident that the truth you are seeking is an objective one. For me, what lead me to my faith was the realization that the Bible truly understands the human condition. We are of flesh, and so are innately selfish pieces of dookie. But on the other hand, we are also made in the image of God. To me, that’s that something that differentiates us from every living creature on earth. That thing that causes us to seek genuine meaning and truth, that thing that can appreciate creation and experience joy in creating. It’s that part of us that knows that true altruism is a noble pursuit, but as such is in constant conflict with our own selfishness. It’s that constant struggle between body and spirit that the bible understands and explains so well. And on top of that, the Bible knows that the body will always win. And that’s the crux of Christianity. Because we will always lose, always fall short, that God had to make the payment for us. And that to me is what became my objective truth. I’m not Christian because I’m now morally superior or unselfish. Because truthfully, im neither of those things. I’m no better than anyone around me. I’m not a Christian because it makes me feel good either. I’m Christian because I believe there is a God who exists, who understands my humanity, my inner conflict, and in so knowing made it possible for me to have the victory.

[@julee7639]

Hi David, I don’t normally comment on KZbin videos but I was very moved by your honesty that made me want to comment here. I’m so thankful for people like you who actually question about their faith in Christ rather than being naive and blindly following it just because it’s their parent’s faith or your friend’s faith. My story is very similar to yours where I culturally and blindly followed what everyone else was believing by bandwagoning the behaviors of Christianity rather than truly loving Jesus and having Him transform my deceiving heart that changed me completely.. the power of the Holy Spirit that changed my desires to His will rather than me trying to “be good” and it was exhausting because I was relying on myself rather than Jesus’ power over my life. I’m not perfect, I mess up everyday and I get frustrated when I mess up too, but I repent for my sins knowing that Jesus will complete His sanctification in me and I believe that He loves me, but sometimes I don’t know I’m sinning, so I have to ask God to reveal my sins so that I can be aware of it too. Reading the Bible has truly humbled me and helped me see how holy God is, I don’t know why God chose to speak to us through the Bible but when I read the Bible man.. I saw God in it. I was relying on solely “breadcrumbs” like church sermons, podcasts, articles, KZbin videos, retreats, worship concerts that I thought was growing in my faith but never actually went to the source, the “bread of life” Jesus Christ Himself. I don’t know you on a personal level but my heart goes out to you. I’m praying for you brother on your journey.

[@sobrangitm]

used to watch your stuff back in circa 2010-2013 and I appreciate getting this honest convo from you! As I grew up in church too and am now figuring out my faith post Evangelicalism, I believe that we need to reclaim our definitions of “Christianity” from these institutionalized and *colonized* religiosities that have boxed them into oversimplified dualisms of heaven and hell, faithfulness and sin, biblical and unbiblical rather than simply pushing away the identity of “Christian” and thereby inadvertently perpetuating these dominant and oppressive definitions of “being a Christian”. If we can do that, I feel that even your identifying as someone who is “on a constant search for Christ because of how it makes me feel” can be acknowledged as a legitimate and authentic practice of Christianity. Peace and blessings David! 🙏🏾

[@Deli24knight]

Grew up in church and chose to continue going to Bible Baptist church throughout college and past graduation because I have personally experienced the love and grace of Christ in my life emotionally, mentally, and careerwise despite failures. I have grown closer to God through listening to meaningful sermons and setting aside time for my own Bible reading. David, I loved how you mentioned your friend that lives for God. Honestly, friends who carry the joy and peace of the Lord and unselfishly show their care to people despite difficult trials in their own life are a gift from God. Genuine followers of God are truly a light in this world. Praying for you!

[@Matt_Limb]

I whole-heartedly agree with your thought that we shouldn't be Christian "just because" with blind faith. We have to question our beliefs. This is where I was at a couple years ago, but it was only when I started questioning my "cultural" faith in which I started a journey of reading my Bible for the first time, praying for the first time, and asking hard theology questions. I was lucky to have people around me to answer these hard questions, but I really prayed hard for genuine faith. Romans 1:21 says "For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened" And when I read this for the first time, I realized "oh- this is it. We all know God to a certain extent, but we fail to acknowledge God and honor Him in everything". This is-at the end of the day- what God requires of us: to surrender our will and accept his Will. And in these moments the only thing I could find truth in was the gospel of Christ. David, I encourage you to talk with church members who you trust and ask for guidance, but most importantly, stay true to the Scriptures and prayer. God works in powerful and mysterious ways!

[@omaikase]

Hi David, 2 years ago I started my walk with Christ and am from a non Christian background. As a non Christian I used to judge others for blaming their actions on sin and running away from their responsibility, and believing in some dude named Jesus. At this time I was suicidal even though on the outside I seemed to be the happiest with my life. Even being surrounded by many friends and family, I was so empty inside. For me, I yearned for love and peace in my heart and I saw it through my sister who had converted to Christianity. Her walk with Christ gave her compassion and so much love despite our rough childhood. I journaled and said well God, Im taking a leap of faith and truly starting my relationship with you to see where it takes me. As time went on, I saw things started to change for the better. And since I journal, I could go back and see that God had answered each one of my prayers that I wrote down. This year I wanted to learn more and be involved in the Word. There are things in the Bible that would only stand out to you and call to you. I truly learned about Jesus and found that he is not some mystical, harry potter, whimsical guy. He is real and I have so much to learn from him. I can say I went through many things in the past 2 years but my faith and mental health have never been stronger. As a result, I have been physically active consistently (which I struggled so much in the past) because I now love myself. The way I handle hardships and relationships are completely different. I couldn't have done it without God. I am so happy that you are questioning your faith so that you will not become lukewarm. There is something about your friend that makes you choked up and feel so peaceful like you're a little kid in church again. That is the seed that has been planted for you to grow. "Faith is caught, not taught". Seek him and you will find so much joy. Enjoy your journey and remember to praise God and not the religion. Also remember that growth is not linear!

[@deadw3ightt]

as someone who is 25 now and trying to rediscover and redefine my faith, this podcast was super insightful. i pretty much went thru the same boat as i was super involved in church growing up, but as i got older i questioned many things about where my faith was grounded bc it seemed like something that was just part of the culture of my family. i have been away from church the last maybe 7 years or so and took a lot of time to think about how my faith in God was rooted and why i had my faith in the first place. and i believe it took me being away and, like you said, seeing God in others around me or people i admired, to realize that my faith is my own and if i wanted to be the person God truly wanted me to be, i had to discover those ideals and answers for myself, and not for no one else. growing up i was constantly around people who defined themselves as Christians but i didnt agree w the people they were, faith or not. and it made me shy away from even saying i was christian bc i started to make connotations with being christian to those people i didnt like. but now being older, i can get more into my faith in my own views and perspectives and find God in things besides church and besides ministry. i like to think a lot of what God wants me to do is find my own faith in him, whether that be in trouble or good times. and im trying really hard to rediscover those things in my own way and find my own path with Him. i really appreciate you david. you ,to this day, amongst all the people i watched growing up, have always been the most relatable to me in how you see the world and it really helped me grow up to find my own meaning and perspective on everything around me.

[@chykomoney1085]

This is what I'm gonna miss about this podcast, real geniune discussionno fluff. As a 1st generation African I totally understand what you're going through and I'm only 26. I don't know who I really am in life because of a majority of it. I was force to believe this, go to this, wear this, act like this around people, study this, dont study that so on and so forth. It was really refreshing listening to someone figuring it out the same way I was. Thanks for the laughs, stories and different outlooks on life in general David ❤.

[@james6846]

I was the one that commented on letting your guests speak. Thank you for addressing that and now I understand why. As always I love your podcasts and appreciate everything you do. Thank you David

[@sophiacanja9747]

As much as you may not like it, I LOVE your solo podcasts because I know it will be a deep dive with deep reflection! I also grew up with religion embedded into my culture. I grew up in the Philippines with a great Catholic presence within school, family, and friends. Now living in America, and actually having a choice in being a Catholic, I stray away from it. This podcast made me realize that it was because I never asked the questions I had about the religion to make me want to believe and practice. Currently Im not religious, but i want to be more curious and get my questions answered, then see where that takes me. Thank you for your videos!

[@ryanlai1201]

I very much appreciate you sharing your journey! In some ways I think I was similar to you where I was also culturally Christian growing up but it wasn't true belief. I stepped away from church when I was in undergrad and it wasn't until later that a friend of mine invited me to her church and made me want to pursue God properly. One of the biggest things that shifted my perspective on God/ Christianity is that rather than thinking of it as a religion, I should treat it more so like a relationship. He is someone that wants you to know him. If I were to recommend someone for you to check out, Cliffe Knechtle is a pretty nice place to start! I wish you the best on your search~ thank you for the video and for sharing your thoughts.

[@christelalmeda1606]

Wow. Your story is one that deeply parallels my own and many others I've grown up with. I, too, am a PK, very involved in ministry, went to bible college, and also believed I wanted to be a pastor. That all came to a hault when I realized I was being pushed towards a cookie cutter path paved by those around me, including my pastor-father. I appeared as a healthy, fruitful tree but truthfully my roots were inch deep. Choosing to temporarily walk away from all of it was terrifying because it meant I had to confront a ton of shit, including parts of my identity I never previously gave thought to. I realized how addicted I was to the familiarity of it all, but knew deep down there was so much more to me than the legacy I came from. Long story short, walking away to pursue deeper truth and take ownership of my own faith was the best decision I've ever made for my spiritual life. I had to lose my life to find it again. All that to say, it's okay to feel like you're giving up on Christianity--just don't give up on truth; there are counterfeit forms of Christianity all around us that are void of truth. Second, surround yourself with the right people, doesn't need to be only christians. Find people who know how to ask you the right questions and help walk you through that without trying to force feed you an ideology. Thirdly, take it easy on yourself. This is a walk, sometimes a crawl, not a sprint. All love!

[@DJ-sb8of]

Hi David, I did not grow up in the church but was part of a Korean-American church for ~8 years. I am a Chinese immigrant who became Christian during a church teen camp right before college. Through a series of events during the camp, I think God helped me to realize that I was living for myself and that everything that I can ever strive for in life would be selfish (power, popularity, wealth, etc). On the other hand, as we worshipped I came to see that God is for everyone unlike what I was living for in life and then I prayed by myself and accepted him. When I got to college, I joined the Korean-American church and this church did very well in teaching us scripture. For your questions, I think you may want to either watch more online debates or join a very strong bible teaching church. In addition, I would like to add that I believe majority of "Christians" are not truly Christians. In addition, real Christians have a Spirit's nature, but also still have a sinful nature and so our sinful desires can continue to grow (just like our Spirit's nature) until we die. I think if you understand that, then you may be able to be less expecting/ judgemental of Christians. I can be the same way, towards myself at times too. I was a small group leader and I know that everyone falls short (pastors too). If you look at people, you will surely be disheartened like I am as well. I also have not been attending church consistently for few years now because I am tired of people. But anywho, I hope you willbe able to find your answers and find your relationship with Jesus. As long as you can do that, He will be able to help you understand everything. May the Lord be with you.

[@YoungLos_5]

I love that you made a video on this. Pastors kid myself, and ordained as a youth minister from the time I could walk. Went to church 6 days a week, and ended up leaving at the age of 11. I kept my faith and what I knew, byt once I got to the age of 19-20, I went through this period of really questioning and seeing if I really believed all I knew out of fear or to not let my parents down. It took me about a year and a half of really searching, but thought that time, and for many reasons I don't have the spacious time to list, it pushed me back into what I believed and my faith, with a new found perspective on why I choose to continue believing, and for myself at that. Its not wrong to question it. That's how you know it's a real walk with Christ.

[@AS-uq4ms]

There’s a certain wisdom and strength that comes from people (PKs especially) that realize that connection with God comes from within and looks different for everybody. I am so appreciative of you David, for sharing a story, so eloquently, that many of us went through. Its easy to find God through others, the key is to find it within yourself. 🙏

[@Alex-uo6kh]

Love you David! You’re the reason i have passion for singing… my favorite hobby. I always wanted my voice to sound like your voice when I first got into trying to get decent! Excuse me if this off topic. Always loved your song covers! ❤ grew up watching you as a guest on jk back in 2014 when I was a freshman in highschool. Those were good days. I can’t lie, in a strange way it’s good seeing you be this vulnerable. You’re among a group of people it feels like I’ve always looked up to/been fond of. It’s a refreshing reminder we’re united in struggle… all human.

[@dogrulz123]

Hey David, thanks for sharing so vulnerably and deeply. I am a Christian who came to faith from a non-Christian background. For me, I realised that I wasn't perfect and I had alot of shame of the things I did in the past. Jesus was perfect and the savior for me who died in my place so that I could have a relationship with God. God knows that i'm still not perfect and sin everyday but He gives me grace because of Jesus dying for me. Just wanted to share my experience!

[@NguyenDuhComedy]

You’re right where God needs you to be brother. Keep seeking. He will draw Himself to You. I’m in the same spot you are. I’m at a point where I felt like I’m blindly worshipping Him. But by seeking Him I believe He will make Himself real to me. The fact you want to keep seeking is the Holy Spirit. Come to Him, His burden is light and yoke is easy. Believe but be brutally honest with Him, hold nothing back. And God bless your journey. What is helping rn is a mentor I recently asked last week. I knew for 7-8 years. It cannot be a solo journey, I tried it. The lady u mentioned maybe. Or someone u admire that IS Christ-like. Prayers sent your way. Pray for me too man. All love David.

[@JonJBae]

I'm an ex(?) pastor and I really appreciated this video man.

[@MiSSiNGYU88]

Massive respect to you, David. I’m always inspired by your insights on life. (Although, I don’t always watch your video but as soon as I saw the title I clicked it straight away). I want to say I am a Christian but also inconsistent in being a true Christian. (I admit it to my husband that I’m not a good Christian but wont say it to my parents). Currently, I’m making more effort in following God’s words and I agree that it’s very hard to do so. I understand all what you said and honestly it hits home. My husband is similar to you where he doesnt like church organizations because it’s mostly hypocritical and untrue to their preaching. We would have debates where he would ask me about Christ and the Bible and I would struggle to defend my beliefs. I would end up crying because it frustrates me that I couldnt articulate my words. It actually made me want to take Bible study seriously again. I’m still not there yet but having someone to question my belief is a good exercise to let me know I’m lukewarm. Thank you for your testimony and I want to say it’s better to say youre not a Christian and consistently searching for God than to be a hypocrite. Youre honest to yourself and God sees your intention/heart. I hope more people would watch this as it is an eye opener.

[@vinceday_]

The road to the Lord is narrow. This is why we have to put our faith in God and not in people. None of us are perfect. The word says when you seek you will find. Appreciate your transparency. I pray God speaks to you in an undeniable way. God bless brother.

[@geoffreywong7710]

Hi David, long-time listener here, first time commenting. I've been following you for ages, and man, this one hit close to home. I've been through a similar journey with my faith too, and something I am constantly reminded of is to always put my faith in Jesus, not people. People are flawed - myself included - but Jesus is perfect. Keep seeking God, bro. Matthew 7:7. Keep knocking and seeking, and He will guide you. Loving the solo pods too. Lots of love from Australia, man! Stay blessed 🙏

[@shogunshogun]

I grew up Christian, and went to church at least twice a year (Christmas and Easter) but usually 8 times a year. Then in high school, I didn’t want God to be in control of my life because I wanted to live my life in my way without the restraints of God’s moral commands. Eventually God found me in my brokenness and brought Good News that showed me my Saviour Jesus Christ. I’m attending in a faithful church that distinguishes between the Law (what we are supposed to do but fail daily) and the Gospel (What God has done for our salvation in the Lord Christ).

[@phoebewang5903]

Hey David, Thank you for sharing this with us. All of your questions and feelings are so valid. Every single point you touched on reminded me of the book Reason for God by Timothy Keller. You said you’ve spent many years researching evidence for why God does not exist, and now you are switching gears to start finding reasons why perhaps He does. This book is helpful in navigating that journey. It touches on some of the points you mentioned about moral superiority, absolute truth, and hypocrisy. I sincerely hope you will give it a read, or maybe listen to an audio version. ❤ It’s one of my favorites.

[@celly57]

Similar to you, David, going to church growing up was just something we did. I don't think I ever questioned it as a kid, also I felt like I was never really forced, just another activity every Sunday. Did I believe in God as a kid, I think I was indifferent. Then, when I was a teenager I, myself, took it a step deeper and joined a Christian group that had this whole community surrounding it. I developed a blind faith, I was hardcore Christian girl. Much like you, I didn't know scripture, I got angry every time someone who wasn't Christian, made fun of me or asked me questions why I was Christian or my faith. I simply loved the community, and how just praise and worship made me feel. Then I started questioning when 18/19 years old. I kept with the community cause community feels good. Then I realized that youth leaders, didn't really care about me and my well being. I myself was also a youth leader and took pride in it and looked after my people, but no one else was looking after me. So i stepped back and did a deep dive into my faith and why I was Christian and if it's right for me. I was in the sam position as you, where I as constantly seeking God/Christ and the roll He would play ion my life, now that I wasn't a part of a community. Unfortunately, I kept coming up short. In my teen years, I was only a Christian because of blind faith and I was proud of the Christian group I was a part of. I was only Christian based on my feelings. I can go on on why I am not a Christian anymore, but that's a different story. Long story short, I was a Christian too at one point. My faith was only based on the community I was a part of until it was only making me feel good. Now, through a long journey or stepping away, I have come to a conclusion that I am no longer seeking Christ and is not a part of my life. Dear David, I hope you find what you are looking for and find fulfilment in whatever you find. Finding faith is hard. I wish the best for you. I am rooting for you. From Long time follower, Celly Tigs

[@youaintgettingmyhandle]

Thank you for being so vulnerable and transparent. It says a lot about you. I can understand (PK here), wholeheartedly, where do you stand, where do you go. In the end, I hope you find the answer(s) you’re looking for. Know that you’re not doing the wrong thing at all; you’re finding yourself, using discernment and nothing is wrong with that. Although I’m mad at you for ending GB, it’s all good because I’ve always (and will continue to) follow you; whatever you decide. Just promise me one thing…. Next podcast, wear a 👕. Please and thank you. 😂😂😂

[@jayvenwoo3773]

I never write comments but I feel like the Lord is calling me to say something Matthew 7:5 "You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye" This verse helped me self reflect before judging others. I’ve learned to be forever grateful that God gives me breath in my lungs. And if my day is good or bad I will always love and thank the Lord for what He’s blessed me with. I grew up Christian but was recently born again so I’m still new to the faith. But just starting off being grateful changed my life. I pray you experience the love and peace only Jesus Christ can give you. PRAYING FOR YOU DAVID!!🙌🤙 LOVE FROM HAWAII!!

[@ciraleon1364]

Same bro. Same. I went to a Christian church for the first 17-18 years of my life and I endured tons of hypocrisy through those years and I only kept going because if I didn’t, we’d be in trouble. College is what changed it for me as well. Fast forward and now in my 40’s, I’m back to church, but feel the same. I just don’t understand it like I thought I would have. Great insight man. 🤙🏽

[@sparky3514]

Hi David! Thanks for sharing your story. I’m not Korean but I grew up around a lot of Koreans in the OC area. I noticed a lot of Koreans or Asians in general that went to large churches have similar stories of having this pressure to attend church and act a certain way. I think it’s because of the deep rooted cultural norms. One of my good friends in high school felt more individualistic and skeptical of the Korean church culture and practices, even more so when it came to speaking in tongues or spiritual gifts in general. When I was a young Christian I was confused on his views or his experience because my church was very different. However he did get me on this journey of questioning my faith which I think helped me solidify my reasoning for believing that I needed a God. He eventually became a Christian but still hated the church. I think his past church experience might have been what deeply hurt and scar his relationship with others and forming a true bond. It’s hard to know what honestly and vulnerability is when you didn’t experience that in those place where you should. I still think finding a church home can be so hard and I’ve had to do my fair share of hopping around. Other than his story, I grew up Christian most of my life but i was constantly surrounded by skeptics and had a lot of friends with different backgrounds. Most of them told me they never believed or hated church/ Christians or even grew up in the faith and still chose to leave. I felt like a minority amongst them and had a deep insecurity about my beliefs because I didn’t feel intelligent enough despite my personal experiences. Last year was especially hard for me in my walk with depression and self isolation but of recently I had this desire to really hone on my relationship with God. Church became a constant and focus for me despite my lifestyle, but it helped with my understanding of God. I always showed up late but I still got there and surrounded myself with people who also had questions which was very encouraging. There are so many moments where I have felt doubt and many times I’ve gone back to bad habits. I’m reading a book that mentions Grace and Truth. Grace or Truth alone can lead us down bumpy roads due to either lack of structure or relationship. However I learned God is both Grace and Truth. Both these aspects together offers a path of forgiveness and opportunity to change even though we fall. I’m glad you do not want to follow blindly and trust me neither do I. I have a good friend who has an apologetics podcast called “Tent Making Christianity Podcast”. It has really helped me with the basic or even complex questions I had about my religion. I know you may not have the time but I hope it helps someone out there that feels alone. You’re not alone and it’s not wrong to question. I never write this much 😅 but I feel like people who share there story should not be ignored. I truly admire that even in your doubt you show that you have a heart that does care deep down about whether you should be committed to Jesus or not. He does not offer an easy life like many churches do not preach enough about, but helps know who who God is and how to treat others/ ourselves. Thank you again for sharing David and I really only hope this message finds you well!

[@oliviali5737]

Hey David. I urge you to patiently endure the doubt and disillusionment. God is patient with us all in our unbelief. I go through spells like this too. Even now I'm going through it and I notice it's sometimes related to burnout and also when I become too focused on other people's brokenness. I get very negative just like a lot of the things you mentioned. I think that is why Romans 12 says we need to renew our minds, and Jeremiah 17 says the heart is deceitful above all things. In the past I would have periods of walking away from the church. But this time I see and savour the value of walking with my local church during this season of doubt, instead of isolating myself. Cos I know how deceptive and dark and twisted my own heart can become. Toward myself and toward other people. I think it'll take a whole lifetime of learning this lesson but the person who most needs Christ is me. I can't do anything about the brokenness that still exists even within the church but that's okay because it's not my job, it's the Spirit's job to convict and break and build up every person he calls to himself. But in the meantime I will patiently endure because God is still patiently enduring with me in my own immaturity and sinful nature. I really appreciate your reflections. I can identify with almost everything you've said here. But true humility won't come from honing in on the sins of others. I say this as someone who regularly falls into the same trap. At the end of time when I meet him face to face, I'm screwed! I won't be talking about anyone else's issues. I will have to face him myself. And I will hold onto the hope that he won't destroy me because Christ's righteousness is totally enough to cover my own dirty rags, I'm declared clean because of what he has done. We overcomplicate everything cos of our human nature and all the ways that we still try to be wise in our own sight. But the wisdom of man is folly. Anyway ... I think of that line in the song, "when I fear my faith will fail, Christ will hold me fast." I hope that Yahweh himself will use this season of doubt to ultimately bring you closer to Christ rather than further down the path of bitterness and confusion. I wanna hope and believe that doubt can be used to strengthen your faith. Please don't go it alone though. I think it's a lie that the church is just people and God isn't there. It's a mystery why he chose to manifest his glory and carry out his mission in such an inefficient way lol. But I personally have been learning a lot and being humbled as I keep walking with the church during my very dark times and having others pour into me. It really helps juxtapose the way my negative mind works and it truly prevents me from staying in that judgmental place. I can't keep judging someone so harshly whom I've committed to walking with and who has committed to walking with me. I don't know if any of these thoughts help or hinder you. But ya please don't do this season alone. Thx for reading if you get here. :)

[@ziondavidson6294]

thank you so much for talking about this David, so unbelievably real. seeking truth is so essential because you're right, sitting on other peoples faith without really questioning it will only take you so far. getting to the point where you realise that faith has to be so much more than a feeling is groundbreaking. I'm going through a massive learning process at the minute and I mean wow there is SO much out there. would highly recommend John Mark Comer and Tim Keller, both such amazing and intelligent speakers

[@jennykim1416]

As a Korean American who didn’t grow up in a Christian family but wanted to go to church (I went on my own since 5th grade), I always felt that the kids who grew up in Christian families were too privileged to know how valuable it was to be raised in a Christian household. It’s a privilege to know that if your parents pass, deep down you won’t ever have to worry about whether or not they ended up in heaven. Truth isn’t something you find. It’s revealed to you. If you’re really serious about finding truth, I encourage you to pray to God to ask Him to reveal it to you - trust me: if you’re genuine about it, He will. Who better to ask than the person that has all the answers? It’s a scary prayer because once you know, you won’t ever be able to say that you didn’t know.

[@teamkube6308]

I want to see you and your wife discuss this topic together for a podcast, I think it will be very interesting video for sure!

[@juuulya1]

I find this episode super relatable, and really most of what you and Ed talk about in terms of growing up in a korean christian household. I'd like to add, in my own experience although i am much younger than you, i feel really the same yet i also struggle to differentiate what practices/beliefs/principles come from God , and what are human-made? Sometimes it feels all so human-led and made for human satisfaction (such as praise w the lighting and music etc), I feel a huge dissonance from God. I also think that if i blindly believe, im becoming a person I personally could not respect. I also struggle with the label of christian. I will never ever live up to Christ, and to represent myself that way seems so difficult and wrong too.... At times I find it is daunting to think that maybe I don't follow something I've thought I believed in for so long, but seeing you at 30+ (while I am 22) gives me a level of ease/peace knowing I am not alone... You (though this podcast) have really helped me navigate my relationships with my korean parents ( i was born and raised in NZ), as well as navigating and accepting my faith journey. So I'd like to say thank you David!

[@sanduzzi]

I love when David opens up and talk about these deep topics. Still can’t imagine you are an introvert, but I also get it, I feel the same way most days when I have to be around a lot of other humans. Ick. Lol. Thanks for sharing. I learn a lot about myself thru you sharing your stories. 🤝

[@RustleXer]

Man, appreciate you sharing that you're socially exhausted and hence why you did a solo one this time around. Totally respectable. Also keen to hear your thoughts on the new Kendrick record soon!

[@user-qo5sy5dk4q]

For me, I’ve always compared myself to other Christian people around me and always thought “wow, why can’t I be more like them?” And “why don’t I have as much faith as them?” I doubted whether I really believed in God because of it. But God recently reminded me the time I went to a prayer gathering, where the pastor preached Matthew 17:20-21, and I finally understood that I’ve been looking at my faith rather than what God can do with what faith I have, even if it was the size of a mustard seed sometimes. It always gives me peace knowing that I don’t have to rely on myself and the faith I have but rather I can choose to rely on a faithful God and the amazing things he can do ❤ Everyone is on their own journey to knowing Christ, I’ve been on this path a long time too and I believe God will continue to work in you for as long as you allow Him to.

[@K.A.2575]

I'm not a Christian. But I have gone to church in the past. So I am basing off of my past experience's in churches. And also all of the experience's I've had with Christian's. Since I stopped going to church a few years ago and up until recently. I would say that there is a lot of hypocrisy in Christianity and in churches. Because I've known a lot of people who are Christian. And think that they can do a lot of sinful behavior throughout the week. Because they believe that they will be forgiven by God and his son Jesus. As long as they confess their sin's every Sunday. Also a lot of Christian's judge non-religious people for committing the same behaviors that they do themselves. But they think it's different because they believe in Jesus and go to church. Another thing that I will point out is that most Christian's don't even try to learn and memorize the entire Bible. They just pick and choose the Bible verses that they like, and suit their views on what they think Christianity should be. Anyways I could go on and on about the hypocrisy in Christianity. And by the way I'm not saying all Christian's are hypocritical. But there are more hypocritical Christian's. Then there are honest good Christian's. Anyhow I'm not trying to single out Christianity and Christian's. Because people of all religion's. Do and say thing's that are hypocritical. With all of that said. I would say that I'm a spiritual person, and do believe that there is a God or higher power. And that you do not need to go to a church, temple, synagogue, or a mosque for examples. In order to have an relationship/connection with God. Because if God is everywhere, and watching over everything. Then it shouldn't matter where you are at. Or how you choose to believe in God. So I would say that my belief is in God. But not in the Bible or church. Especially considering how political Christianity has become. So David, I would say just go with what feels right in your heart. And just go with what feels right to you. When it comes to God, religion, and what you do or don't believe. Because everyone's relationship with God is individual.

[@julian3560]

Something you said that encapsulates the largest reason I started deconstructing my faith a few years back was "It's never anything that god does that makes me push away from him. It's the people who say that they love him and how they live their lives that tear me away from god". While I do question the Christian faith from time to time, I absolutely have no faith in the Christian institutions, particularly American Evangelism. It feels like there's a large disconnect in how some of them worship the divinity of Jesus, yet completely reject the humanity and love that he displayed in the new testament. Thank you for sharing your thoughts David!

[@hchung155]

This was so relatable. I'm basically on the same boat. I grew up in the church, but stopped attending after entering college because I was no longer *forced* to go. I cannot call myself a Christian, but also cannot label myself as an atheist right now. Because I was pressured to go to church as a child due to my parents, I never felt like I truly had faith. It was more of a chore; things may have been different if I went at my own will. I also didn't have the best experience in a korean church community, which tainted my experience and perspective on churches.

[@iBeatBoxz8]

David don't judge Christianity based on people, judge people based on Christianity aka christ.

[@GenesisAnne]

I appreciate your vulnerability. Man i admire you so much

[@Guardianx3]

David, this was deep and hit my soul right away. I felt like I was listening to you face to face. Thank you for your words